Love & Marriage: It’s an institute you can’t disparage… or can you? by Scott Beauregard

wedding1Having been married in my past and when that marriage ended, as all too many in current society do, in divorce I was lost for a period of time.   I struggled with the concepts of what society says is the path to happiness.    I started to look deeper into my own thoughts and beliefs about marriage.   While It may seem in this piece that I’m condemning marriage that is not truly the case.   I’m not condemning marriage, but more condemning the reasons we enter into a marriage contract.  

In doing research based on this subject it quickly became apparent that there is not reliable historical information regarding marriage and rarely is the word “love” mentioned in all of the definitions and histories of marriage.   Let’s look at the current state of marriage and its role in keeping us disconnected from our true selves.   Although attitudes are starting to change slowly when it comes to the definition of marriage,  this is not going to turn into a political debate. It has been commonly held that marriage is the union of one man and one woman for quite sometime.    Look at that last statement again, specifically, “union of”.    What does that bring into your mind?    A partnership, a combining of equal parts?  If it is so that this union of, and we can even expand it out to two people, is an equal partnership then why are people so lost and looking, searching for that one connection that will “save” them.    The divorce rate is through the roof.    Domestic abuse and violence is at an all time high.    We don’t seem to be learning anything and making the same mistakes over and over.   

People both men and women, straight, gay, bi, have relationships with 6-10 different people in their lifetime.   All under the guise of finding “the one”.    The one that will allow me to be happy.   As those numbers point out there’s not “the one”, although in rare instances it does happen or at least appear on the surface.   That older couple that has been together for 50, 60, 70 years, we’ve all heard those stories about a love that endures.    It is obvious that these rare occurrences that the couple understands something about unconditional love or they hide the true nature of the relationship from even themselves.   

wedding-cows-heartlandboostMarriage is a contract not of equals, but of property.    That’s right property.    It is nothing more than a contract where the man agrees to provide security and physical property and  woman agrees to become property of the husband for the security and physical property that is or will be owned and for the purposes of procreation so the physical property is in the hands of known relations.    Men have through fear convinced women to give up their true feminine nature for stuff basically.    Women have accepted the mantle of chattel on the antiquated notion that they will be provided for.   If this is not true in this day and age why is it that more and more women have given up their feminine energetic natures and taken on more masculine natures in their lives.   

asian-couple-man-carrying-womanSo many people today still think that their happiness can come from another person.    This is a crazy notion.   One of the questions asked often in my counseling/coaching sessions is “Who can make you happy”, over 90% of the time the answer is “I can”.   Next question is can anyone else?   answer no.    This is followed up with a question creates a lot of confusion.     “Who can hurt you?” almost every person says “anybody”.    When that is questioned with “If you are the only one that can make you happy,  how is it that “anybody” can hurt you?”

If a good number of people can realize at this time that they are responsible for their own happiness why is it so difficult to accept that one is just as responsible for the hurts that come into one’s life.    They bring this perception into the marriage contract and that is a pretty good indicator of why the divorce rate is so high.    That and the fact that it is INSANE that women in this day and age would agree willingly to trade themselves for physical property and the illusion of security.  

It’s not all their fault.  The male has done a superb job of selling a bill of goods for hundreds or thousands of years that this is the only way it will work.    The old patriarchal paradigm of conquest, control, and ownership is still in full effect today.  Things are starting to change slowly.  People in general are starting to take off the blinders.    People are getting married for the first time later in life or choosing not to get married at all.    Society is growing up and women are starting to wake up to the fact that the male will not give up what they have gained easily and the woman will have to take responsibility for becoming whole again.  The male also bears responsibility in becoming whole but too many males still have that macho I need to conquer my world mentality.    Using tantra and coaching it is possible to heal individual males and females, and couples as well.

  When two people centered in the divine self, the unconditional love, the pure awareness, is it possible to create a union of equals.    This is not to be seen though as an answer to fix the marriage contract though.    It is only the understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be, for a reason, a season or on the rare occasions a lifetime.  This can be applied to any relationship, friends, lovers, parents, children, etc.  When we are centered in awareness and connected to that unconditional source, it becomes easier to love without attachment to thoughts of would, should, could.  Which puts expectations of action or inaction, on the other person which will just lead down a path of hurting the self or other person with those expectations.

While there will always be those that prefer the marriage contract to the alternative, if we can get to the point of being centered within ourselves we can more easily handle the points in time when the current relationship we are in no longer serve the highest and greatest good of either party while maintaining the unconditional love and respect of the other party.       

Balance or Harmony by Alexander Brighton

So many people that I’ve had conversations with have told me that they are seeking balance in their life.    I decided to go look up the word balance on dictionary.com.   It read a state of equilibrium.  Searching further equilibrium means a state of rest due to the equal action of opposing forces.     When you have two or more opposing forces that are exerting equal action you can develop balance.    As we move through our daily lives we have more than 2 opposing forces at any one time.    Rarely do these forces exert equal action or force.     So if you can only have balance with opposing forces exerting equal force then the realization of balance never develops.   

How many times have we been faced with opposing thoughts(forces)?  Here’s an example that we’ve all faced.   I have to go to work, however, I’d much rather stay home and spend time with a loved one.    These are not applying equal action on us.   If the need for money is greater it will exert greater force.     If the need for connection with the loved one is greater than the need  of money then taking the day off would be exerting greater force.   Balance or equilibrium needs opposing forces to be created.    Opposing forces create a duality within us.     That duality rarely ever has equal action on both sides, there for balance is missed and our lives are lopsided.    Like that shopping cart with the one flat spot on the wheel that goes clunk clunk clunk as we walk through the grocery store.

 Whats the alternative then? Harmony.

Again going back to dictionary.com harmony means a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arragment of parts.    When we move away from trying to get opposing forces to exert equal action at the same time, we can start to build harmony in our lives.   Instead of dealing with the duality of opposing forces, build your life so there is agreement with all the different forces in your life.    I will go to work today and then take my loved one out for a nice dinner, or make a nice dinner. Even when something is out of balance it can still be in harmony.    That shopping cart that I mentioned earlier.   If you are out of balance and out of harmony with your life that constant clunk might push you to the point of madness.   

However, if you are out of balance AND in harmony  you might notice that that clunk is in perfect time with the music playing in the store and smile.  Some that I have talked to want to find balance for every aspect of their life.    This is mostly impossible.    Just take gender as an example I hear people all the time state they want to balance their masculine and feminine energy.   These are opposing forms of energy.  Very complementary but opposite.   Whether  you are male or female you have both energies within you.    However they are rarely ever to the point that they are applying or exerting equal action in your life so then how can you balance them.    Working to get the masculine and feminine to be in harmony though, that’s beautiful.   They no longer have to be exerting equal action.   You could be 75% feminine and 25% masculine and still be in harmony.    The energies working in harmony to create the consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts or energies in this case.  You give up the battle of duality of trying to be 50% feminine and 50% masculine.   

As you start to apply the harmony principle to your life you will start to find that things may come into balance naturally.   Harmony allows us to take a step back from the constant battle of duality.    It allows us to build ONE life that flows by taking these forces and into a simultaneous combination.    Where each force becomes a note on the music of your life.     A piece of music that you are the author of.  

What do you want the music of your life to sound like?

How to Date A Goddess Wombman — Aurora Kozinn

Dear men,

There are many kinds of women. Each type- New Agers, Hippie chicks.. whatever category you connect to — has it own energetic vibration.

Goddess Wombmen, for example, are the most seductive and the most empowered wombmen in the world. They love their body. They live in their body. And they fully express their divinity through their sensuality. It is her nature to do so.

If you are a man interested in dating a goddess, be fair warned, she is Kali- Aphrodite. As Aphrodite the goddess of love she will envelope you with kisses and juicy sexual practices. She will glow and you will be in awe of her glow.  But , because she is Aphrodite, her love will span beyond you. If she wants to be sexual with a man, this is her prerogative.  She cannot be contained by any man– her “containment” is only found in her deep devotion to her guides’ voices and her connection to spirit.

Her Kali is cutting through your illusion of what a woman “should” be.  A goddess is never “your” woman, but this goddess will bow down at your feet if you display to her you ARE the sacred masculine.

Kali takes you on a journey to discover your own sacred masculine potential. When goddess Kali shows you her dark moon, hold space for her. She will challenge you to become Jesus, Krishna, Buddha, Shiva…

She will cut away your beliefs that “This is how women are” in regards to the old paradigm.

All a goddess knows is love without abandon. She believes in living by emotional nurturance, support, ecstatic and sensual dance, and sacred love making.

To date a Goddess, you must be sensual, support her independence, allow her to love freely, and honor her sacred sexual dance.

The God/dess knows that Sacred Masculine men are equal, and the counterpart to Goddess Wombmen.

 

To be clear, if you’d like to be with a goddess, you must be GOD.

If you want to change the world…Love a Woman – by Lisa Citore

If you want to change the world…love a woman….really love her. Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense. Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen. Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing…… If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet, … you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.

If you want to change the world… love a woman…..one woman beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason. We have given ourselves so many choices we have forgotten that true liberation comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire and burning through our resistance to Love. There is only one Goddess. Look into Her eyes and see…..really see if she is the one to bring the axe to your head. to severe you from the old life so that you can enter the new.  

If you want to change the world… love a woman. Love her for life….beyond your fear of death, Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her. Say you’re willing to LIVE with her, plant trees with her and watch them grow. Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty, by helping her to remember every day that she IS a Goddess through your adoration and devotion.  

If you want to change the world… love a woman in all her faces, through all her seasons and she will heal you of your double-mindedness and half-heartedness which keeps your Spirit and body separate- which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self for something to make your life worth living.  

If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman . Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel. Love her through her fear of abandonment which she has been holding for all of humanity. No, the wound is not hers to heal alone. No, she is not weak in her codependence.

If you want to change the world… love a woman all the way through until she believes you, until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion, her wildness have returned to her- until she is a force of love more powerful than all the forces that seek to devalue and destroy her.  

If you want to change the world, lay down your causes, your guns Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger and love a woman… beyond all of your striving for greatness, beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment. The holy grail stands before you if you would only take her in your arms and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.  

What if peace is a dream which can only be remembered through the heart of Woman? What if a man’s true love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine is the key to opening Her heart?

 If you want to change the world…love a woman to the depths of your shadow, to the highest reaches of your Being, back to the Garden where you first met her, to the gateway of the rainbow realm where you walk through together as One, to the point of no return, to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.   Original Post Link

Female Bodies are Sexual Pleasure Machines

The human body is a sexual pleasure machine, and the female body even more so than the male. That may seem surprising if your concept of someone’s ‘level of sexuality’ is determined by their ‘level of libido’. We’re rather too libido-oriented in this society. The general belief is that sex is a response to feeling horny. Along with that belief comes the implicit assumption that the hornier you feel, the better sex will be.
Since women have bought into this model and believe that they should be horny before they have sex, given that women’s sexuality isn’t the ‘gagging-for-it’ type: they tend to give up, they don’t do what it takes to get in the mood, generally thinking that there’s something wrong with them (if they’ve got low self-esteem) or claiming they’re ‘normal’, declaring that ‘women don’t like sex’ and their parter is ‘sex-crazed’ (if they’re more assertive).

It’s true that women tend to have libidos like men. Women’s sexuality is not hormonally driven, it’s contextual. It depends so much on how a woman is feeling and what’s going on for, that determnes if she’s open and receptive to sex, not necessarily ‘horny’.
Once a women allows herself to get into the mood, and approaches sex in a more female-friendly way (ie not trying to be like a man) – wow, the places she can go! Because when it comes to the response side of sex (as opposed to the desire side) – well, women are far more superior then men!
Women can have orgasms that are more intense, more frequent and last longer than men’s. On top of the standard clitoral orgasm, which is similar in physiology and feel to the male ejaculatory orgasm, women can have orgasms through vaginal stimulation, g-spot (actually the urethral sponge) stimulation, AFE-spot stimulation, cervical stimulation, anal stimulation, nipple stimulation, in fact, from virtually any part of their body, and even without physical touch (either by being in the presence of a man who’s very present in his masculinity, or by bringing yourself to orgasm through breath and visualisation). Women can have multiple orgasms, wet orgasms (more commonly known by the dreadful male-centric term: female ejaculation), full body orgasms, and can stay in ecstatic states of arousal for very long periods of time.
Unfortuantely, most people don’t even realise what women’s sexual potential is. After a few decades of wondering why women are so sexual dysfunctional because they don’t function sexually like men, Western scientific research is only now starting to acknowledge that women’s sexuality is different. But it’s still way off realising just how wonderfully different women’s sexuality is.
Fortunately some people (like me!) are exploring beyond the boring limits of conventional models of sex in the West, taking on board the wisdom of older sexual traditions, such as the Tantric and Taoist, and doing a lot of personal research: I know all this is possible because I experience it.
When women realise it’s possible, they can start to experience it. When women have sexual responses like this, when they go to heaven, they take their man their with them. There is nothing a man likes more than to give his women this level of sexual pleasure. It satisfies him to his very core. It makes him feel like a Real Man. He may not be able to experience the level of feeling that she can, but he can feel fantastic for getting her there.
Female sexual response is extraordinary. It takes a while to get there, but like all good things, it takes time. The more time and attention you pay to something, generally the better the outcome.
Throw away the limiting beliefs, expand your possibilities to so much more – open yourself up to your glorious potential!

Original Posting On The Tantra Fusion Blog

Honor Your Depth

Honor Your Depth~“Let’s go down by the river where we can be alone and enjoy the stars. I have a blanket in the back of my truck.” Says a young man of 16 to his new girlfriend.

A sweet flirtatious smile crosses her lips as she agrees.

Cuddling, kissing, and playful touching of each other. The lapping of the water along the shore line and the crickets chirping in the cool night air. Two young lovers adventure off to explore the great landscape of each other’s flesh. Without much consciousness the energy whirls around them, haste and excitement of the moment and possibility overcome both. Hands are moving quickly, kissing becomes more passionate. A braw is removed or pushed to the side. Jeans are unzipped. The boy’s hand squeezes its way down the front, between panties and flesh of the princess that lies beside him. Clumsily he tries to arouse her. Flicking here and there, unsure as to what he is to do. It feels strangely good but not what she had dreamed of. Becoming frustrated with the ever expanding bulge in his own pants and the lack of creativity in his skills he makes the move to remove her jeans.

Once revealing herself in the cold night air she now begins to question her longings, her feelings and his. Yet she adores this young man and wants to please him. She wants him to like her. To stay with her and she wants to experience life and her own body as well. She tugs at his pants, loosening them; he helps her and slips them down to his ankles. Giving an okaying pull she welcomes him to come between her legs now. He is overly excited, feeling his passion through a hard throbbing in his erection. He kisses her again on the lips, wanting her to welcome him farther along this joint venture. She kisses him back openly, giggles some and encourages him to take the next step.

Not knowing or even most likely realizing that his girlfriends yoni is not fully aroused yet he pushes clumsily forward. Pressing himself against her, separating the lips of her yoni with his fingers and then guiding himself inside her. Never pausing just moving at a quickening speed forward to the conquest of this young flower. He is inside her warmth, her velvety tight softness. His mind is no longer in his head, nor is it in his heart feeling her. He only feels with his cock in this moment.

The initial stretching and wrapping feeling within her as he glides back and forth in this friction sex feels good, not intensely good but good. There is a certain comfort in this feeling. His warm breath cascading down on her with his movement. His grunts. His words of love as he presses himself deeper, deeper…. Just like he has seen in some porno on line. He thrusts harder thinking that she will enjoy that like the girls in the movies do, he has to admit it feels insanely good to his genitals but, she is not moaning. She lets out a soft whimper. Nervous to speak of the pain she just felt. Repeatedly he bumps up against her young cervix. A heated sensation rising in her belly, a tightening in her yoni, her body is attempting to offset the damage. Trying to protect itself.

The feeling is too much for him to control, as her body contracts with burst of pain and then softens when he is in more pleasurable zones makes him cum. Forcing him to press deep again, against her cervix, this time as he shakes from his orgasm the tip of his cock penetrates through her delicate cervix, tearing it slightly. She feels a strange sensation inside her body but now the moment is ending. He quickly retreats from her body. Seeing blood on his cock.  Not certain as to what has happened he questions her is she alright? Does she have her period? Was she a virgin, (grin on his face)?

She has not her period nor is a virgin. She says she is fine but is scared to admit that she is unsure. They dress again and go home. ~

This story is adapted from a recent tale that was shared with me by my very own daughter. Worried about her friend who had experienced this, who was still after a few days bleeding. Scared to death of what had happened to her body she had nowhere to even turn. You would hope that at least she could turn to her parents or mother, but what if in admittance of the loss of her virginity she would be kicked to the curb? Yes, the human act of exploring our sexuality in our youth can lead to early flight from the nest for many.

What is not shared in this tale is that the young man shared his 11 inch shaft with this petite young woman. Neither intended on it to be a painful event. Yet because of the limited openness between the girl and her parents and her vague experience with a few other boys she had no way of knowing what her depth was. She had no guidance from a woman in her life to share with her about the importance of taking things slow in sex. She did not know how to speak up for what she was feeling. And above all else she did not know how to honor her depth!

The young man, proud of his eleven inch lingam (penis) had only similar knowledge through a few sexual encounters with other girls who most likely suffered from the same restrictive education as this one. He most likely watched a few movies and seeing these adult males with their 9-13 inch lingams pounding their cocks into women who “appeared” to enjoy each plunge of the anaconda thought he was doing everything right. It was her who had issues, not knowing how to receive the pleasure he was sharing. If he had a male role model in his life that was open about sex with him, he could have been told anything from, “you get in there and get it done son, “ or “always make sure she comes first,” or “youth is for exploration, don’t tie yourself down with just one girl, taste all the flavors you can.”

Never did someone share with him that like men’s lingams, women’s yonis are all built differently. Not only are the petals of her flower unique but so are the roots. The depth of her cervix is unique. Exact location of her G-spot is unique. The shape and size, hood cover of her clitoris is unique. All as perfect as the next but when a man and a women come together and do not honor her depth, then his depth can either be too much and cause a possible life-long energetic injury or physical injury and on the reverse leave him feeling inadequate because he is in his eye’s not big enough. Weather a lingam is 4 inches erect or 11 inches erect, they are each perfect.  Size is not a representation of skill, feeling or ability to love. It is not a sign post for, “Damn this guy is going to give me the best Orgasm EVER!”

If young men and women were openly taught to learn about their bodies, what their depth was and where their pleasure spots were then they could learn to move slower into sexual expression with a partner, they could also learn to feel each other and to realize that friction sex is only 1/1000th of the pleasure pie. They would realize that 11 inches is very unique but so are the women that can have the depth to accommodate. If a man with such a lingam chooses to peruse a woman who can only handle the depth of 6 inches then he needs to be aware that he will never be able to enter her fully. Yes she can open to him and allow him in expanding her yoni; and as her cervix softens he may even be able to penetrate through it intensifying pleasure without any pain or bloodshed, but more than likely the reverse will happen. The same is true of a woman with greater depth. If she is longing for the intensity of a cervical orgasm and has the depth to accommodate a 8-9 inch lingam but finds herself in a sexual encounter with a man who has a lingam of 6 inches then she needs to know that he will not be able to rub the cervix softly for the 40 minutes it will take to open her to this intense and healing orgasm. Sex can still be love making and it can still be extremely pleasurable for both, but if they are unconscious as our society supports us to be then falling prey to friction sex and to the constant sabotage of ill behavior and thoughts of what an ideal penis or vagina looks like will be the beginning to a repetitive destructive sexual life. Men will continue to physically and energetically damage the women in their lives as well as themselves. Women will close down to pleasure, to themselves, to sex in general and to their men.

The end of this tale is sad if Tantra is not introduced. This young girl and boy who we started our blog venture with will grow up and slowly shut down. They will limit their own expansion in all areas of life and learn to just accept what little enjoyment life offers. They most likely will marry someone along their path, feel love brush their shoulders for a few years, bring an angel or two into this world and then realize that something is still missing. They will long for fulfillment. They will long for pleasure, for passion for their depth to be felt. Never realizing that they first have to honor their depth, learn to open to love at all cost and expand their souls unions through the allowance of self healing and the healing of their lovers.

Performance Anxiety vs. Presence

I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…

 By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator

I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.

Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection.  It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman.   That’s not reality.  Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.

 

It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it.  Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.

In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.

Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!

There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.

Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body…  How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…

How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you…  creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you.  It’s incredibly satisfying!  And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.

Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.

Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.

Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California.  She travels the world teaching Tantra.  You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.

Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog

The Marriage

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly, I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.

Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

The Ego's a Bitch

Throwing my almost naked body down on the bed, hair still wet from the shower I feel frustration, rage and sadness fighting with each other for their turn on my internal microphone. Tears rolling down my cheeks unstoppable…

“Girl, pull yourself together, “I say softly but firmly out loud to myself.

Moments before I stood in front of a mirror unable to even see myself. Ego had cast its ugly veil over my eyes. Unconscious of the very acts my physical body had made I found myself trapped in a vicious cyclone of thoughts. The internal witness finding herself running away with ego quick in toe. The witness becoming out of breath, fearful of being trampled and swallowed up by Satan (ego). Looking over witness’s shoulder one may see ego in rage, tears pouring down, yelling out remberences of negative events from a time gone by. As ego chases, the distance between lessons. Here and there ego grabs one trash bag after another full of past regrets, pains, traumas, and broken promises and lost hope. How is it possible for ego to carry and drag all this dark garbage and yet still gain on witness who runs toward the light of restriction?

Welcome to the land of ego!

And even better welcome to land of the female ego.

The disgusting swamp land of a woman’s rage is no place to hang out. It is a well of utter misery and any man who has ever tried to swim in these waters knows that it does not end good. Yet our husbands, beloveds, boyfriends and lovers even son’s or fathers sometimes try to logically ‘fix’ what we well divers do not want fixed. We understand that it is like having the anti-Christ in our kitchen yelling at us. Our irrational ego’s manifest destruction as we are forced to sit by the side lines and watch our love being shattered like a mirror.

Each moment our ego has control of our steering wheel we find ourselves thrown around another painful corner of memory. Unable to stop. This may appear as insanity to our men, it may appear as though we are ungrateful or truly unhappy. Some may actually believe we need medicine for our crazy spells. Amazingly none of this is true. Plates may be flying, fists pounding, breath gasping and hurtful words crossing our lips but if we are present enough in our spirit, we recognize that we are actually only truly fearful of opening up to love. We are scared of our own hearts and the path that they are presenting. Our constriction of self-love allows the deception of ego to pass over the threshold of our mind, body, soul connection.

David Deida would say, “If you open as you are now, a spacious and tender love abides, — the openness that is feeling — even if your body aches or your lover has spurned you. If you close now, turning in on yourself in an effort to avoid exposure, then you suffer your own separative cramp, even if you are surrounded by love.”

This separation causes a ripple effect in our lives. Sometimes the ripples last moments and sometimes they last life times. Some ripples are so strong that they rip apart our relationships and cause wounds that fester within our energetic fields. Should the internal witness be able to out run Satan (the ego) and find sanctuary in the light of restriction then we find ourselves turning to a new place within. One that many rarely walk in, we may feel we walk in this green pasture of restriction often but more than likely we are truly suppressing our feelings and actually not restricting our ego. If this is the case we will “feel” a nagging feeling in the pit of our stomach, a heavy sensation in our chest or even a hammer pounding in our heads. When we suppress what we are feeling instead of opening into the feeling and accepting it fully as us while restricting our ego response we again cause the ripple effect of separation, thus causing a volcanic eruption of misery to fall on us another day.

Now men have this same event happening to them, the main difference between the male ego and a female is this: WE WOMEN LOVE OUR LUGGAGE! Therefore we always make sure to have plenty of suitcases. All shapes and sizes. We are not good at parting with our hope chests or our scrapbooks.

I mean think about it, have you ever traveled with a woman who came unprepared for anything? How many pairs of shoes does one need for a two day trip anyway? LOL

Our internal luggage is the same! And we always have a few empty bags stashed somewhere just for YOU! And YOU… and YOU too!

On top of that we are very systematic about our packing. We organize our emotions and thoughts like we do our suitcases. Perhaps we pack each possible outfit needed as though we were getting ready to put it on or we make sure to keep all our panties over here, our shirts here and skirts/pants over there. Even a messy packer has a system to their madness…

Men, well they may pack better in some cases but they NEVER plan for all possibilities. They are more like a streamlined filing system. Only keep a hardcopy of what is absolutely necessary and even of that only keeping the cliff-notes version.

So when the ego of man and woman meet on the dance floor, you can always bet that the woman has her purse with her!

How do the sex’s deal with this bitch called EGO?

Restriction.

First it is up to man to have the courage, the balls to stand in the fire of woman. Then he must be willing to see her in love even when she is being hateful and ugly. If he manages to do this, he must then guard himself from himself. From what he believes is himself, that is. He must recognize and restrict his actions and words when they are coming from the dark-side. He must breathe into his belly and feel from his heart. Often woman will take this moment to test her man, she will probe him like he is her personal science specimen. She will open a suitcase or two or three and see what she can dig up on him. She will attack with minor forces at first and slowly pull in the big guns. A man has to know this. He has to know that his cliff-notes version does not hold a candle to her library. The male ego does not like this, but in these times your heart center, your love for her has to mean more then the attempt on the battle field. If you fall prey to her attacks you will run the risk of depolarizing your relationship in some way. Although it may seem minor at first this depolarization of the masculine/feminine will grow and in the end you will lose intimacy and connection. Perhaps forever!

As women, we must recognize our ego and how it is using our thoughts to create our emotions. How it is playing a movie with a bad ending for our personal misery in these moments. We may feel supported in our actions and words by our ego and the recognition of these repetitive cycles we are seeing in our man, but if we can STOP right here (even if our mouths are still moving), if we can stop our spirit from drinking the kool-aide of ego and pause, then we can allow space to form. When we allow space to form we allow our internal witness to move in. This witness (that man and woman both have, i.e. soul or true self/consciousness) can see the real lesson of the event unfolding. Our consciousness will be able to slowly restrict back ego and see the illusions that ego has painted for just that. Illusions.

When man and woman come into this new space of consciousness they naturally awaken to a deeper level of love. They allow themselves to be vulnerable, to fully feel what they are feeling and to not take each other so seriously. It is possible to have what might seem a nasty verbal fight in ego and have both parties consciously witnessing the drama play out but not attach to anything being said or even felt. Similar to going to the movies.

Through recognition, pausing and restriction we again find unconditional love for each other and for ourselves.

The ego may be a bitch but she has purpose in the school of life!

She is here to test our love for self and to be the coach we desperately need to strengthen our light forces. But much like anything that can accumulate too much power, she must NEVER be handed the golden key to our city gates.

Circumsizing the Heart

Recently I experienced truly being made love to. A deep penetration and opening into a transformative healing bliss.  It has been years since I felt anything remotely close to this event and if I am completely honest with myself I believe that I perhaps have never been touched so deeply by such pureness before.

I read once in a David Deida book (uncertain which one) that a woman will stay in love with a man even though they are no longer physically together until another man can penetrate her deeper with his love then the prior. Deida is NOT referring to the size of a man’s cock here; he is referring to the ability to open a woman into love. Sometimes a man will use all his tools to do this but the most important one is his heart.  Connecting heart chakra to heart chakra he breathes’s into his woman. Causing her to be breathless and surrender into something deeper than a physical connection. Sex is not always needed for this depth of loving. Matter a fact, as I am about to share my tale with you, the connection and trust building, unconditional loving that happens without the sexual union is profound and very Tantric.

“Being of curious nature and having my soul cry out for me to follow my heart and explore what I already knew was there but was having trouble logically explaining I decided to be daring and have lunch with a young man who had captivated me from the first time we met. This was not our first lunch. It was obvious that we had shared feelings toward each other; yet I am curious with caution. We ate, we enjoyed conversation, we looked into each other’s eyes and we laughed at each other’s silliness and imperfect joke telling skills. Nerves a wreck for both parties. As the time went by the sexual energy heated up between us without physical connection or words to help guide it. It just was there. Not long later, I found myself feeling alive; it was an incredible energetic vibration of life force that took over my whole being, stronger than any energy that I experience in my session work even. There I lay, on my back, breathless from his kisses. Wanting him to take me, wanting to be fucked wide open by this man. Wanting him to heal my wounds with his love. To penetrate me in ALL ways. And scared out of my mind of what that could mean. Each kiss brought with it more depth, more connection. His hands on my face, in my hair, touching my neck. His body leaning on mine as he braced himself over me. I could feel all of him wanting to be with me physically. His arousal at that level was only elevating my own.

Time seemed to stop. The world and all that it would have us long to achieve no longer mattered. As he pressed himself into me withhis heart chakra I felt myself.  I have been birthing myself for some time now, but in this moment with his presence and ability to hold space and give powerful love I truly discovered a deep abiding love. It has always been in there, it is there for each of us. As the tears swelled in my eyes, and gently slid down my cheeks I could feel soft rain drops from his eyes cascading down on me as well. I opened my eyes to look into his. A smile on his face, his chest hot from the energy passing between us. I could feel the protective shields of my heart being circumcised and my nakedness of soul as Rumi would poetically title it being revealed. Was I revealing myself in total vulnerability to him in this moment? Yes. But more importantly I was seeing myself for the first time in a long while. There we were two physically separate beings yet I felt as though I had remembered and returned home to the deep being that I already was. I was united with this man, with the world and all her peoples. It was unity of soul. Each beat of my heart stripping away the clothes of my stories.

The pain in my chest was almost unbearable in this moment. I could feel my heart literally bursting in the light of love. I could feel him connected and his heart reacting similar. My chest soft, my lips slightly open. This bliss, this pain of circumcision that was healing, cleansing my core being was divine. It was pure and it was unconditional loving. Our souls seeing themselves in another and entwining in this dance, loving us wide open if we were willing to allow it.”

The depth of intensity and love found between us in this moment exceeded what our world is taught to believe love is. The physical act of sexing was not needed.  We were experiencing oneness, a deep caring and seeing ourselves within each other. Through this reunification of ours souls we each sailed in new waters,
discovering that the waves of love we felt toward each other were always
harbored within ourselves.  The truth of this love was revealed in this moment because we could each step outside of our selfish natures of ego and love penetratingly without the need for sexual release.

99.9% of our world believes that they are in love when in fact they are in desperate need. This is because we have been lead to believe that love is all about us and our needs. When in fact need is the exact opposite of actual true love. They could not contradict each other anymore. When we try and fulfill our own needs instead of find love we search for love in all the wrong places, find ourselves attracted to all the wrong people, unhappy and unfulfilled within our relationships. Our hunt to satisfy our needs masked by the beautiful thought of love causes our destruction; it is the root to divorce and break ups; pain and anger.

According to the ancient spiritual technology of Kabbalah the mystery of love can be broken down within the word itself: LOVE

How?

Let’s look at the numbers. A.K.A  Numerology. Now I know that many of my
readers may not even believe in such a supposed hocus pocus thing as
numerology, but please just humor me here.

Have you ever taken a sip of distilled water? Distilled water is free of all impurities.  A process called distillation, which involves boiling the liquid and letting the steam condense into water again, filters out all contaminants. The end result is untainted, undeniably thirst-quenching H20.

This is the same as numerology. Through the process we can distill words down to their purest meanings.  Numerology teaches us that every word has a numeric value associated with it, based on the letters it contains. This value enables us to grasp and understand the inherent meaning of the word.

When we as humans try to define love, we do so through the lens of personal experience. The benefit of numerology is that it leaves nothing to interpretation.

In the ancient language of Aramaic, a pure and original root language the word love has the numerical value of thirteen. The word ONE has the same numerical value as well as the word CARE. Let’s look at these three words and what their essential bond is. “When we experience oneness – when we truly care for another as we care for ourselves – this is love.” (Kabbalah on love by Yehuda Berg) In order to do this we have to be willing to open ourselves. This means to become vulnerable and seen. We more importantly have to be willing to see the mirror image of our soul in another. This is the breaking down of the labeling of separateness that we have been programmed to see. The love we each hope and search for has never been anywhere outside of ourselves, but the way we can experience this great love of self is revealed in the mirror while we lay in the arms of our lover.

As we soul gaze and take in the light reflections in their eyes we see the twinkle of our light flashing back at us. Each time we place our hand on their chest and breathe deeply, feeling their heart beats and flesh we are actually feeling our own. We may each carry a heart in a physical form but we come to realize that we are not the sole owners of this beautiful powerhouse of energy and love as we give it away in a soul union kiss. The courage it takes for us to do this is far greater than any maiden forced to walk a plank on a pirate’s ship. The fear of rejection, the fear of loss, the fear that what we feel and are seeing in another could be stripped away in a moment with the loss of this being. What are we to do if we give our heart to another and they decide somewhere down the road we are walking on that they want to take a different path with someone else? What if they die? Certainly we too will die. It is in times like this that we find our strength in the acceptance of the reality that we cannot lose our heart, our love or our soul. We will never lose this other beautiful manifestation of the divine that we found ourselves captivated by and sharing this life with. We cannot because we are all ONE. Through the true unity of mankind to each other and to the universe around us we can experience even in great times of sorrow a greater depth of love. We see how each moment with this person significantly impacted our life and allowed us to meet ourselves at a level that we would have not if they had not helped us to circumcise our heart.

We only lose out on this perfect true love if we start building the walls of the prisons and installing soldiers to stand guard again at the fortress of our heart. Only then do we block ourselves from the purity of what has ALWAYS been with us. The purity and divinity of God’s love, OUR love, the love of our soul-mates.

Remaining open and willing to walk the path, no matter how scary it may be is the ONLY way to assure our resurrection of self, our ascension to a higher state of conscious loving while in our mortal physical realm.

Stop and take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Have I loved?”

Stop settling for the superficial Hollywood love. You want richness, intimacy, desire and fulfillment. You want to feel yourself loving and sexing. You want to feel yourself plunging deeper into your relationships and being embraced by the mirror of your soul, your lover.

It is time for man to connect his cock and heart and realize that to open a woman into love you have to touch her heart first. Connect there; breathe with her, look her in the eyes without expectation of sex. Go deeper. Press yourself into her with your soul and breathe. Leave your erection for playtime another day. Lead your woman with your masculine energy into her heart where she will open and embrace yours. As she opens here so will her body physically. She will pull you into her and ask you to dance in her universe. She will beg you to take her physically and she will weep in your arms in sheer bliss knowing that you loved her first with your heart and soul.