I feel sick and I am afraid to show it.
Afraid to speak about needing help.
Afraid to go outside of my home and sneeze.
To have my allergies.
Yes right now is a strange time,
is it not?
It is a time where more people are concerned for their health than ever before.
Shiz we don’t panic like this about getting in our cars and driving some place yet so far in 2020 alone there have been 288,502 automotive deaths in the world.
We don’t stop consuming all the toxins that we know cause cancer do we?
No matter a fact there was a run on the grocery stores for just these items…lol
and yet just so far in 2020 there have been 1,755,279 deaths from cancer.
We don’t run and grab knives out of everyone’s hands that are holding one, or freak out about everyone who is having a bad day and look at them paranoid like they are going to do something even though there have been 229,184 suicides so far in 2020.
And yeah, we stay clear of those who we know have the flu…
and no one wants the flu. – Self included.
But we don’t look at small children in the grocery store who cough or sneeze like they will kill us with their natural human functions, even though there have already been 103,869 deaths from the flu in 2020.
No, we do not feel ashamed of these things.
We just carry on and even inquire if someone needs some tea or groceries bought.
We do not have a run on toilet paper over flu season.
And we do not shun the old and young because of a cold.
Today on planet earth we shame for illness.
We shame for age.
We shame for sneezing and coughing and wheezing.
We shame for watery eyes and clearing the throat.
We look at our friends and neighbors like they have a gun in their hand for offering a hug or a hand up a step.
I got this.
I don’t need “you” to touch me.
Yes my fine fellow humans, ‘we are forgetting our humanness.
We may preach that we love our neighbors,
that we want to help the poor, the old, the ill,
but when it comes down to it…
our animal natures,
our instincts to cast out what we perceive as weak or dangerous offsets it all.
And we SHAME.
This Is how we humans deal with that, that we are not comfortable with.
With that, that we do not understand.
We shame those who have it,
or we assume may.
Forgetting that assumption is often wrong.
Not allowing any logic to lead.
And certainly not allowing our hearts a voice.
For all we hear is the screaming of FEAR.
We are being given an opportunity to grow in this chaos,
we are being given a chance to support and build a world community, where boraders and skin color, religion or sex do not matter.
We are being provided a beautiful opportunity to heal ourselves,
from the inside out.
To change our thinking.
To change how we perceive one another.
To come into alignment with our hearts,
and to show compassion for self and neighbor alike.
And my sweet reader,
I fear we are failing.
I fear that we are allowing our ego’s to rule and thus not evolving,
but instead stepping backward in fear.
There are places around this world,
where windows are open. You can hear the laughter of families and children playing.
You can hear people singing.
And they are places where the heart still remains.
Even though touch and community are limited,
they have found ways to still connect.
They have found ways to de-armour thier fear and transform it to love.
But these places are few and far between.
And if you live in one such as this I speak,
then count your blessings dear reader and send love into this world,
for many other countries are not as such.
For this world to heal,
to find is harmony again,
and for this dark spring to turn to summer once again,
we all must focus on what matters most.
We all must inquire how we are impacting the outcome.
Do we speak and act from fear?
Or do we act from compassion and love?
If it were you that were sick or having the stones of shame cast toward you, how would you feel?
I end this musing today,
with words to remember,
“Let those among you without sin, cast the first stone.”
None of us are without ego.
And none of us have a right to assume.
But we all make our judgements and in doing so,
we create a great separation from truth and ourselves.
We hinder this world and we blind ourselves to love.
Put down your stone in exchange for a smile.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.
Photo Credit to Photographyinwonderland.
The sky was coming down on me.
There I lay,
thrown out on the cold, damp grass…
Staring up into the heavens,
the full moon casting its light down on me as though it was encouraging my breakdown.
I felt the earth beneath my body,
firm and cold to my plea,
my plea of not being enough.
This life that I have created,
this life that I love so deeply,
with all of its souls,
all the adventure,
all of the beauty.
Many days I feel that I am not good enough for this life.
I question why God has been so good to me?
Why do I keep reaping blessings,
why do people share such deep love with me,
Why do they value me so?
Don’t they see…
Don’t they see the human that I am.
The girl who still feels that she is not enough.
That pigeon toed wallflower who is lost in this thing called life?
Don’t they see that I fear myself.
I fear my messages.
I fear the spirit that moves through me,
that provides me such intensity at times.
I fear my heart.
That it may be wrong in its judgement,
it may guide me to loss and pain.
I fear that it was my heart that caused all of the pain,
and I know differently.
I know that the pain,
is all based in my desire to control the outcome of my life.
I know that my heart which speaks from the place of deep understanding of soul,
It does not judge.
It knows it truth,
and it just asks that I listen.
But I find on some days I cannot hear it for all the chaos that this beautiful life of mine has in it.
I cannot make out who I am on some days,
for who I am trying to be for everyone else.
And in this,
I become lost.
Just as you.
I snuggle into my humanness,
and I hold myself strong to the course that my head,
that my ego and all of society would tell me to be right and true.
And then in my final moments,
before I LET GO….
I find myself fighting to not drop to my knees,
to not lean in to this call.
This call that is so overpowering,
so enticing and juicy.
This call that I know if I let it pull me will guide me to all that I have wanted.
But I resist just a moment more.
I harden myself to all that I feel,
I toughen up like I have been told,
and I smile though I want to weep.
I say yes when I should say no.
I resist my truth yet some more.
As though it is helping me.
As though this will make me happy,
and solve my worlds problems.
Oh how funny we humans are.
How silly we are to run from all that we want,
all the while claiming we are pushing toward it.
We can not see our path,
as it lays out with each blind step that we take,
we cannot see it,
but if we learn to LET GO,
we can feel it.
It moves through us,
it moves us with each breath,
and those who choose to drop to their knees,
to lean into the call,
and allow our hearts to be seen,
if only for that flicker in time,
we grasp vision from the heavens above,
and we move.
But what you may not want to see,
is the mess,
the mess of this dropping.
The mess of letting go,
it may appear that one is falling apart,
trembling and lost more than ever before,
but this is a moment of expansion.
And a moment of revealing.
A moment where the heart leads.
There are no breakdowns,
But we must allow them to be seen.
As we allow our hearts the same,
and through this process of shattering,
we transform who we are into who we were born to be.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Feel like you are lost and falling apart at the seams?
Like you have been working so hard for the life that you want,
but it still is not before you.
Let’s chat! Let’s get you cracked open and expanded so that YOU can call it in NOW.
Reach out to me about deet’s on 1:1 coaching and group now.
It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
Here I sit working with clients today, the day after a yummy relaxing Christmas, where I find myself in total gratitude.
I sit here doing some marketing,
following up with my 1:1 clients,
signing a couple new 1:1 clients and getting them started with the onborading process,
when some misunderstanding soul,
reaches out and asks:
“So what do I get for the $197 that you are offering in your 12 Days of F-cking Awesomeness Bundle?”
Now you have to understand that we online coaches/marketers and educators welcome with open arms inquiry of all kinds,
and we love making sure that our followers are happy and getting exactly what they think they are.
Matter a fact today’s online world is ALL about giving away more in value then expected.
The smart online educators, coaches know the impact that they can have and offer up a massive amount of free or low cost education and content and are feeding their followers daily.
We aim to share massive value in our online courses and workshops. We want you expanding, learning, and being the best versions of yourselves and get that not everyone can afford our private rates.
So when asked the question above,
of course I shared that this was a massive savings.
I mean shiz, you are getting up to $1800 of value and then some, because the same content in private would cost you ten’s of thousands of dollars in coaching hours.
But RIGHT NOW you save even more and get it for ONLY $197.
It’s a no f-cking duh sorta thing!!!
Litterly you could take the next year to work through your chosen bundle and come out the other side with some massive shift in your:
and life in general.
But this sweet confused soul thought that I was offering up my private coaching for $197.
I would go broke and be homeless and a really shitty coach to boot for under valuing myself so much if I did that.
The reality of my private coaching practice is that I fall in love with my peep’s.
I get real, raw and authentically down to the core with them.
Knowing them at levels that they may have never been seen at before and teaching just how amazing they really are.
My clients become my friends,
I give to them random moments on any given day to lean on me.
We text constantly.
We talk on the phone through beautiful and tradgic moments.
share and are deeply intimate in our vulnerabilty.
And although I wish I could offer this sort of relationship for such a price of $197 or even free,
it is honestly priceless and those who work with me I am confident would second my statement here.
A coach who does not chage what they are worth,
simply does not value themselves and has not stepped into their power or self- love yet.
A coach who does not know the power of their words,
their stories and gudiance,
and offers it for free or for some rediculous price because they feel that servitude should mean being a broke a*s who is struggling instead of thriving,
simply does not believe in the value of coaching.
Or the value of who they are and what they have to offer.
They themselves don’t get it and most likely don’t have a real mentor or coach in their lives pushing them up.
And I don’t know about you but,
but who would you follow?
The person selling you snake oil because they themselves don’t get it and don’t value it.
The person who leads by example,
has evidence of it and
is not afraid to value themselves.
Their education and experiences.
And demands that in order for you to work with them that the first step is to do the value yourself enough to INVEST.
We all need to start somewhere when we decide that we want to work on ourselves.
We have to choose where we can start.
And aultimatley it does not matter where you start.
What matters is:
1) you start somewhere
2) you value yourself enough to invest in YOU
3) you are coachable
Everything else will follow.
My question for you today is simple.
Do you value YOU?
If you are in business for yourself are you charging what you are worth? Or are you scared of your value?
If you are wanting change in your life in any area do you value that area of your life enough to say YES to the change?
And the helping hand that you most likely will have to hire in some format to guide you to your desired outcome.
You are worth the life that you want.
You are valuable in this world and to the people you share your message with and yourlife with.
Never undervalue the work that you do.
The art that you make.
The message that you share.
Or the changes that you need tomake to have the life that you want.
When we under value anothers help,
we thus under value ourselves too.
And KNOW You Are VALUABLE.
I love you.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Reach out to me today to learn about my 2020 New Years Resolution Special on my 1:1 coaching.