They Are Called Your Emotions For A Reason.

THEY ARE CALLED YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A REASON.

 

Truth Bomb Here.

Are you like most of the world that believe that others are responsible for your emotional state,

for the feelings that YOU are having about any subject in your life?

 

Or are you self-aware enough and proactive enough to understand that they are YOUR emotions, meaning that YOU and only you are responsible for them.

 

No one else can make you feel any way.

You get to choose how you feel about something.

You get to choose how you react to something.

You CHOOSE.

 

This is by far one of the most challenging things to grasp in life,

We are taught that we need to act, speak and even think through everything in ways to not harm or cause anyone else to feel bad.

We are told that we are not good enough,

that we are too much,

that we are RESPONSIBLE for how others feel about themselves,

about situations and how they perceive us.

 

And yes,

to a degree we are responsible.

Our actions and words most certainly can trigger other’s into a negative or positive spiral.

Our actions do contribute to how we are perceived.

 

But we are not solely responsible for another’s feels, views or perceptions.

 

We each have an ability to be proactive in our thinking,

which leads to us being proactive in our feeling,

and to pause before we assume anything.

 

Becoming self-aware means to become authentic with self.

It means that we are willing to get real and raw with ourselves, and to acknowledge that anothers words or actions have only triggered an old program or wound,

and once triggered that we are now feeling this old emotion as though it is current.

 

The insecurities that we hold about ourselves,

the hatred that we have for ourselves,

the self- judgement, and shame…

All of these play a role in our emotions that can get triggered by an event or person.

 

But these internal landscapes that we all have,

are not another’s responsibility to cautiously thread through.

It is each of our own responsibility to self and to our lives,

to do the deep personal work to heal and become aware of.

 

If we do not do our own inner work,

then we are destined to walk through life feeling disempowered,

feeling a victim,

not understood and always attacked.

We will continue to view life as though we have no control and point fingers in blame at those we love,

at life experiences,

our governments, churches, schools, work.

 

However, when we choose to get real with self,

to practice self- love, healthy boundaries, knowing our desire’s, speaking our truth and RELEASING OURSELVES from the responsibility of everyone else’s feelings,

as well as taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions,

we become EMPOWERED.

 

By doing this, we walk through life with less shame, guilt, blame, judgement on self or others and we approach life from a healthier state of relating.

 

We can now speak in confidence our needs,

state clearly our yes and no and also accept another’s

without falling into an old wound or fear and needing to control an outcome.

 

We release the world and especially our loved one’s from the driver’s seat of our lives.

 

They are called your emotions for a reason.

They are all your’s.

 

And when we had them over to someone else,

we hold an expectation that the other person will and “should” always put us before them.

 

And if they do not,

then we are hurt and feel as though they do not love us, that they are selfish and heartless,

that we are not safe with them.

 

When in fact,

what we are asking for by turning over our power to another,

by making them responsible for our emotions is what is self-centered.

 

And if the other does always hold us before them,

guarding us and never letting us feel any uncomfort,

then what they are doing is hiding themselves from us.

The relationship is NOT authentic.

We have successfully required this other person, to mute themselves, change who they are, pretend at all cost and hide from us and themselves,

so that we can feel secure.

 

How is this love?

How is this respect?

How is this authentic relating?

 

 

It’s NOT.

 

Life is a risk.

24/7 you risk if you are breathing.

 

Security…

Safety…

It’s an illusion.

 

Love is risky.

And you can choose to lean into it and enjoy its bliss however long it lasts,

or you can shut it down and try and control it so that you can live in a mirage for however long it lasts.

One allows for growth and truth.

The other, causes bitterness and wounds that may never get repaired between people.

 

Which do you choose?

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how you can move into a truly authentic, loving relationship and heal the wounds of your past so you can have a F-ck Yes life and relationship?

 

Message me today for deet’s on global and local coaching now.

 

TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

Bobcat Under the Dancing Stars

starbrightThe night air was warm and muggy, my flesh felt moist to the touch as the breeze blew across the grasses that lay beside my body.  Starring up into the heavens, begging something in this vast expression of god’s touch to speak to me, to guide me, to make the pain of my heart chakra stop and in the same moment tears of gratitude flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.  As the tears caused distortion to my sight I latched onto one single star in the heavens. It seemed so alone in the night sky.  Alone and yet surrounded by billions of other energy bodies all dancing and flickering happily. This one solo star though radiated stronger then the majority of it relations.  My tears made the stars gleam blur and swim in colors. A beautiful solo dance had manifested itself just for me as I lay there. The universe was speaking as it always does if we are willing to listen. Just like the ocean that carries many stories and yet holds on to none, so was the message of love for me this night.  Love is meant to be ever expanding yet we try and control it, we try and box it up, protect the one’s we love and ourselves from the pain of the beauty of the light of love. When instead what we should be doing is embracing the moments and realizing that each soul that comes into our lives changes us. Quantum physics is discovering that our capacity of our energies to blend with other energies is never ending. As a result we all become a composite of EVERY soul we have ever encountered.  Showing us the importance to surround ourselves with people whose souls will nurture our own.  No man or woman is an island. We have no choice but to absorb the energies of others. It is natural and automatic. Weather you believe in quantum physics or not, just like breathing air.  It leaves us changed forever. OUR personalities are ALWAYS changing depending on who we choose to be around. We are never the same person from moment to moment!

If we were to except our love relationships as larger deposits of energy then a soul that we meet at the gas station or even our next door neighbor we would experience a deeper sense of gratitude for each soul that we chose to open our hearts too. It is these chosen few or many that emboss a new sense of self onto our hearts and souls. Impressions that may last life times.

As we look at the star from my midnight meditation, we see that even stars share energy (light) with one another. No matter how distant apart they are or how solo they may seem. Depending on where we are when we look up into the heavens, their dance speaks to us in different ways, ALWAYS. This universe is alive and conscious.  Our consciousness creates the material world making the universe self-aware. If we open up, as many ancient civilizations did to the Omens that is spirit speaking then we can adjust our consciousness, expand it and learn to be in love with what is instead of trying to dictate what we want. Through embracing our souls, our hearts and the divine flow of life we nurture ourselves, discover a more gentle understanding and can see that in everything there is pain and pleasure.  When we elevate to a point that we are loving the beauty of death and the pain of birth then we can simply breathe and be present in the moment.  This does not mean that we will not experience pain, grief, upset. It does not mean that we will only have bliss in every moment. It just means that we accept and realize that life is always flowing, ever changing, like a river.

As I stared up at this solo star with a smile on my face, tears were cascading down my cheek, my heart pounding as though I had just run a marathon and my hands feeling the beat of mother earth beneath them I remembered a warm summer day when Bobcat appeared to me.

image_BobcatSitting at a park bench with a young man that I had just recently met and found myself connected to instantly, my heart in that moment beating as though I had run a marathon, a smile on my face and the feel of mother earths pulse beneath my bare feet, I breathed in the energies that dance around the two of us. The moment was perfect. And the universe wanted to speak. There upon her flesh she sent a messenger.  In the distance I saw something walking our direction. It was a cat. I pointed to it because it seemed to be too large to be your average house cat but was shocked it could be much else since we were in a large community park just outside of Dallas. He approached confidently and before getting to close yet close enough for us to see the messengers name; he turned to the side revealing that he was Bobcat. ‘OMG! Is that a bobcat?” I said. “Let’s follow him, see where he takes us, what message he has.” This daring man agreed although I am certain he was convinced in this moment I was crazy. Bobcat walked the trail not far in front of us, occasionally stopping to look over his shoulder to see if we were following.  He slinked his swaying body along the tree lined path with us in step. Guiding us back to the car we had come in. Looking back at this Omen I can see now Bobcat’s message.  Similar to the dancing star.  Bobcats are animals of solitude; they walk between the veils of this world and the mystical. They trust their instincts, are willing to take risks, and are quiet and sensitive to their environments. They are mostly isolated but know that they need at times of life companionship. On this day Bobcat was sharing his message. It was time to allow someone into our hearts. Into our energy, our world.

funvidandegopicsfeb11 024Later that day I was surprised by yet another Omen. My beloved house cat of 10 years whom had disappeared almost a year before had suddenly returned home, safe and well.  Ecstatic I shared this message with the man from the park. It was a birth of a new cycle in life. My heart danced at the opportunity and the bliss I felt. Happy in the moment. My being glowed as though I was pregnant and in a way I was. My heart was opening; my soul was healing, my spirit dancing with the stars.  Yet all cycles have a transition point or what we call a death, an end.  Bobcat’s message is a two part one. It is a message of cycles. The acceptance that when the time of companionship is done blossoming, the petals of the flower will wilt and fall back to the earth.  Solitude will again reinstate itself and like the bobcat even though we may feel overwhelmed and sensitive to our new found world and the death of the cycle we must find the courage to do what soul requests. Discovering the beauty in death is the message and still being able to dance under the same starry night sky and be grateful for each breath, the energies exchanged and the love that was embossed upon our hearts.

The Universe speaks. The final Omen of this tale is my beloved house cat. When the dance was over he too parted ways yet again. Sharing the message” Letting go and loving what is is all we can do”.

In the expansion of love, of feeling pleasure, joy and happiness we expand our whole being. Meaning that our vessel will “feel more” of everything. This can be scary for many of us. As whom wants to feel more pain, grief, suffering, anger, etc.  We want to choose what we feel more of. In some ways we can. We do this through our thinking and paying attention to our consciousness and what we are feeling. Inquiry of our thoughts is important.  Discovering what is true in our thinking and what is false.  For example, “He/she does not love me or they would not do this.” Is that true? Can you be certain that they do not love you because they are not acting a certain way? No you cannot.  90% of our thoughts are not even real. They are assumptions based on our programming. They are our ego causing doubt, fear, and distortion of the truth. If we can learn to separate our thoughts from our feelings (which they are VERY separate, we just bulk them together) then we can  have greater certainty in what we are to do in life and what will make us happy.

At the end of your days when we are breathing in your final moments here on this planet, in this body what will you wish for? Will you be full of regrets? Will you look back at your life, your loved ones, all that you accomplished or did not accomplish and have peace in your soul? Will your soul say I lived this life, I loved deeply in this life, and I risked everything and cherished every breath taking moment? I expanded and pushed my boundaries, saw my divinity and danced openly in moments of bliss and pain. I allowed my heart to be revealed my spirit to speak and I listened to the wisdom of my body, the feelings of my heart and the Omens of the Universe. I have no regrets.

What will your soul song be on your last day?