Looking for Mr. Forever – The pressure we SHOULD NOT feel.

I know you want someone to hold you close and handle your heart gently, but put love on hold. You don’t need someone to fall asleep beside. Not yet. You can wait for that.

Finding your forever person shouldn’t be your main priority. Finding yourself should come first.

Find out what brings your passionate side to the surface. Find out what stirs the adrenaline that’s been hibernating in your veins. Find out what convinces you to stay up until 3 AM and wake up at 5 AM. Find out what puts the suicidal thoughts to rest and gives you a burst of appreciation for the living.

Find out why the girl in the mirror looks so sad when she’s alone. What does she want? What is she missing? If it’s a who, what type of person would fill the gap where her smile is supposed to be? Is it a best friend that can make her laugh when she only has the impulse to scream? Is it a semi-stranger to drink with to erase the pain? Is it a mystery voice that tells her they believe in her, that they’re proud of her?

Find out what squeezes your heart until it skips a beat. Find out what sends flutters through your spine. Find out what awakens the butterflies in your stomach. Find out what makes the cliches come to life.

Find out who you are and what you want out of this chaotic world, because you’ve only scratched the surface of your cravings. You want a house in the Hamptons, but what will make that house a home? Degrees to hang on the wall, a baby girl, a puppy flopping through the yard? You want a job in journalism, but what are you hoping to gain from it? Aside from money. Aside from security. What is it you’re hoping life blesses you with?

Find out what you want this universe to deliver to you. And don’t be afraid to sound greedy or selfish or unrealistic. Don’t restrain yourself from having oversized fantasies, because you’ll find important pieces of yourself hidden amongst those dreams. You’ll find out what drives you. What type of human you truly are.

Find out what inspires you, motivates you. Find out what gives you the energy to push through on your worst days. Find out what you’re doing here on this earth, because no matter how worthless you feel, you have a purpose. You have a reason you exist — and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.

You have a lifetime to find your forever person, so find yourself first. You deserve to meet her.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE– You Have A Lifetime To Find Your Person, So Find Yourself First by Holly Riordan

Unholy Hungers

I am a vampire!

There are a group of male vampires at a competitive sporting event. Only ONE will be the winner. I know who he is; it has already been seen through my mind’s eye. My premonitions never fail me. The game is all about the hunt, the chase and the kill! I am the prey. We are in some sort of lumber mill. I am running. My breath is quickening. There to my side is a male vampire; he hisses at me and attacks. I kill him with my bare hands and bite his neck, letting his limp body drop to the ground. Then I come upon this dark haired, dark eyes Italian looking man; he will be the winner. Coming up from behind on all fours like a lion stalking its kill, I cross over a large stack of lumber with great ease and a feather touch.

I ask, “Why is it that you men have to be so damn handsome? I know it is to trap your prey, but what of us who are of the same blood? You are going to be asked to hunt me, kill me, and eat me. However, as a dying girl, I ask that you make love to me first. Fuck me! Is that so wrong?”

He looks up at me with cold fiery black eyes. God he’s good looking. I am the one who is hungry. He smiles a devilish grin. We are interrupted in that moment. The group of male vampires and judges approach us. They announce his winning. They set forth a small golden winged fairy, she is delicate and from a time past and a distant land that is no more. She is the time keeper.

24 hours.

Her wings make a chirping sound with each second that passes. Fluttering around like a humming bird, my heart beats in rhythm.

The lumber mill vanishes and we are standing in the misty moss covered woods. I run with great speed as though flying. There are tall thin bamboo like trees. I hide. Thinking to turn back. My scent, he will follow I know. He is quickly upon me. I should fear for my life, but as he approaches my hunger to be with him is to strong. He grabs me in his strong dominate arms. His strength pressing against me from all sides. I feel his life force. I feel his manhood. I feel his light, his shadow and passion.

The fairy is fluttering by us.

“Twist her wings off!” I say demandingly.

He does and she falls to the ground. I make a break and run from him, he is right in step behind me. Through the woods we run. In the mist I see lights, I see mortals. I see a Japanese restaurant. I convince him to follow me and eat to offset his hunger. I am feeling like I am caught in a fast paced memory within a dream. I am dancing in my lust and hunger for him. It is a cannibalistic sort of love.

We are on the chase again. This time we entwine. It is rough, hot, passions fly, hunger at the forefront.

I wake to the morning rain. Mortal and breathing in life.

Vampires are not just imaginary creatures of fiction or legend, they really exist. They are those mortals who have not learned or been given opportunity to love and be loved and instead they settle for power and become experts at robbing others of their vital energies. We have all known a Vampire.

But this dream was not of that. This spiritual tale was of our supposed unholy hungers and desires. Our longings and fantasies. How do we find the courage to step out of the cave of our psychological control, our societal walls and chase what we want? The lust of our spiritual needs. It lies dormant within our blood until one day it awakens and leaves us feeling like the prey being hunted. Our light and our shadow battling to the end and we find ourselves caught between.

Breathless.

Often it is the onset of what is called the Dark Night of the Soul. This is seen everywhere in our world with the massive overtaking of depression and rage. When our cards of transformation have been laid on the table before us, we have no ability to contest. It has been decided and we will now walk a path of what from the outside may appear a road littered with destruction, pain, sorrow, regret and broken bleeding hearts. The ego would have us believe that this will never end, that we will surely not survive. Death perhaps is the best option. We look in the mirror and we see an empty carcass that we once called home. We found ourselves comfortable and attached to a certain image of what we perceived as truth. Now we see it as the mirage it truly was. Our longing to go back in time and change our choices, to walk different paths only stemming from the deep seeded pain we feel. Our physical bodies feeling the spiritual turbulence as the poison of transformation sets into our blood. Everywhere we look we have
memories. We have regrets. Tears fall, rage commands our words, and self
loathing wraps its nasty fingers around our throats masked through our ego as
harsh words and looks from those that love us.

This is a time we walk the shadow lands. The scriptures tell us to walk and fear no evil. They tell us of times that we will lie down in green pastures beside still
waters. Our soul will be renewed and strengthened.

As we cross the ragged bridges of time and see our life drift in the waters of emotion below us we slowly learn to have faith in our steps, for they are guided by a higher power. It is the hands of God that hold us, not the clenching arms of a vampire. Even when the ego bares its fangs and makes us weak from its hunger, it is still God that is administering in the darkness. Our father who art in heaven knows that he cannot show us the light of our pure and true divinity if we do not get through the darkness first. In this overcast we will find rainbows and at the end of each one we will discover, not a pot of gold (no that is for leprechauns), we discover that our pockets are filled with diamonds. And these diamonds have ALWAYS been there. They are our purpose. They are our supposed unholy hungers carefully placed there by no other then God himself. It is through the self-discovery and personal intimacy (INTO-ME-I-SEE) building with our souls that we harvest our birth right. Our Grace!

Once we discover our true radiance we have no fear, we dance with the devil and with vampires. They are our kin only choosing to keep their masks of ego on. We entwine in passionate lustful affairs with handsome strangers and laugh as we drink from our never ending cups of life. We realize that this physical world is our play-land. It is here to help us to become like Merlin. And awaken to the beauty of our own inner Vampire which thirsts for life and is immortal. We are God’s and Goddesses. We are creators and lovers. We are demons, dragons and angels, warriors and princesses. We are spiritual entities experiencing a mortal moment.

What will your moment be like?