Vehicular Assault In The Bedroom – Is It Acceptable?

A man is out with his buddies after a long day at the office. They stop into a local pub to have a drink or two and shoot the shit. A few hours go by, they root for the sports team, throw about some “F” bombs, share about the days and the stupid people at work. The man starts to feel tired so decides it’s time to head home to his family.
On his drive home he gets more exhausted and his eyes are heavy. The couple of drinks although they don’t significant impact him are not making things any better right now.
He comes up to an intersection and does not slow down in time, thinking there is not really traffic at this hour and is not overly concerned about running a stop sign in his quiet neighborhood.
Unfortunately, as he roles through the stop sign he hits a pedestrian.
He did not see this person out walking and somehow completely missed their presence on the curb as they stepped off the curb to cross the road.
The man is later charged with vehicular assault. He has his driver’s license taken from him, serves time in jail and pays a hefty fine. He has this mark on his record for some time to come.
Is this right?
Does he deserve to have his whole life tipped upside down over an accident. He was not drunk. He was not speeding. He was not deliberately trying to harm another human.
Yet his life is upside down from this event.
Seriously now, ponder this.
Does he deserve to be punished as the law states?
If he had killed this pedestrian his punishment would have been worse.
Now if you are like most people,
you may say,
“Yes he deserves the punishment.”
–>He was being clumsy and not responsible in his actions.
–>He should have not had as much to drink as he did, stopped sooner, ate some food to offset his alcohol.
–>He should have just gone home in the first place since he was tired.
–>He knew his state of being and should have worked harder at being more present while driving.
–>He knew the streets in his neighborhood well, he knew that the stop sign was there, so he should have stopped.
–> Etc. Etc.
You may also think it brutal that his whole world get’s halted and goes into chaos from the accident, thinking that may be a little harsh BUT, it was ultimately his fault. His mistake and look at what he did to the pedestrian and their life? Can they function fully? Do they need surgery? What came of their life?
Now let’s look at the this same man,
same tail,
He is out to the pub with his buddies, he gets tired and he decides to go home to his loving family. He goes home with no issues. His children greet him on their way to bed, his wife has saved him dinner in the microwave and kisses him hello.
She inquires about his day and he says it was okay, just a bunch of stupid people to deal with as usual.
They settle into watching a TV show and news.
All seems happy and normal.
They go to bed and the man snuggles up behind his wife rubbing her hip and butt a little. He kisses her softly on the neck a couple times. He slips his hand down between her legs from behind to touch her pussy. Tapps it softly with his fingers. Brings his hand back up, spits in his hand and rubs his spit on her vulva that is exposed from this position. He is hard and ready, she is laying on her side holding her breath. She knows what is coming and even though she does not want it, she says nothing. Hoping that maybe he won’t. Maybe he will see that she is not interested.
He rubs the spit around a bit more, grabs his erection and without word sticks it into her. He is on his knees, holding her hip down to hold her on her side. He is forceful, fast and deep in his penetration. He is moaning in pleasure and giving primal earthy groans as he fucks her. She does not move. He continues until he cums.
He lays down behind her, kisses her on the cheek and says,
” I love you. Good night.”
She stays still as he drifts off to sleep and starts to snore.
When he is snoring, she gets up and goes to the bathroom.
His cum is dripping out of her.
She sits to pee.
As she pee’s her vulva and labia burn from the friction of the sex that her body was not ready for.
Her gut hurts from the anxiety and pain of going through this.
And tears stream down her cheeks as she softly sobbs, hoping no one will hear her, hoping that she can just make it through the night and next day.
The morning comes,
the sun rises.
her husband is rested and ready for his work day.
He grabs coffee and breakfast,
kisses the kids and her goodbye,
wishes them all a good day and tells her that he loves her.
She gets the kids ready and out the door for school,
darts to the shower where she washes herself diligently because she feels so filthy and disgusting. She weeps as the whole event and every event before it no matter from her husband or another man plays in her head like some morbid cruel reality show. She gets out of the shower, telling herself its time to put the game face on. She has a family that needs her and work to get done. No time for this pity party and after all he is her husband and he is a man and it just is the way it is. After all, he loves her. He is a good provider, a good father.
She has nothing to want for.
But she wants.
She wants for the pain to go away.
She wants to feel loved, not used.
She wants to not feel the anxiety around going to bed every night or waking up in the morning to the same event.
She wants for him to see that what he is doing is not okay.
That her world internally is upside down and she is slowly falling apart.
–>Her work life is stressful.
–>She cannot stay focused.
–>Her physical body is always sick and hurting.
–>Her hormones are out of balance.
–>She is exhausted physically and emotionally.
–>She is irritable.
–>She cries for what seems like no reason randomly.
–>She has no real interest in life.
–>She appears to be depressed.
–>She gained a bunch of weight.
–>She is drinking more and popping pills to sleep, to wake up, to keep her going and keep her mood somewhat stabilized.
Now I want you to ponder this scenario.
What comes up for you?
Is this acceptable?
Is it okay that her world is upside down and that she is living in this state?
Is it ok that her husband just continues on like this?
I mean after all,
–> He had a tough day at the office.
–> He was tired and most likely just did not realize what he was doing.
–> He had a few drinks so he was not fully aware and did not catch that she was not into it.
–>If she was into it she would have said something or pushed him away, right? So its her fault.
–>He needed the release to help him sleep, to help him destress.
–>Men need sex more than women.
–>Most women are never into it and are none orgasmic unless drunk so this is normal.
–> She just needs to get over it, its not that big of a deal, its just a little sex.
–> He does everything for her, there is no question of his love.
–>Its not like he physically broke her or tried to kill her. He did not hit her with a car.
–> His actions were not on purpose. His intent was not to harm, he thought she was okay with it.
So that makes his actions of flipping her life upside down acceptable?
But if he hits a pedestrian then he should have been more present,
he should have paid more attention and known where he was at and what the dangers were.
He hit a pedestrian and now they cannot function clearly, they are in pain, they are emotionally messed up, their home and work life are in shambles.
So for that yes, he needs to be punished for harming another human even though it was not on purpose.
Really?
I want you today to sit with these tales.
I want you to go deep inside yourself and ask yourself why one is okay and the other is not?
I want you to ask yourself why excuses and lack of understanding and presence should be easily forgiven or not even considered when we speak about raping a partner but it is different for other events?
And then I want you to realize that 74% of married/coupled women go through this weekly or monthly.
And if you are a man who is married or coupled with a woman I want you to examine your choices and get real.
Stop accepting excuses from self and others.
The damage caused from moments like this is not small and most of the time cannot be  repaired fully. This sort of event tears apart the foundations of love and trust.
And if you think differently then you are a fool.
It’s time to wake up men.
It’s time to stop being blind to your haphazard self centered ways and its time to actually love your woman.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
Want to learn more on healing relationships in 2020 and how to uncomplicate your couplehood. Reach out to me for deet’s on my individual and couples coaching available globally.

The Benefits of Self- Pleasure

masturbation1I dislike the term “masturbation,” which comes from the Greek root word to “self pollute.” I prefer self pleasuring. Only through self pleasuring can we discover what our bodies are capable of and what really pleases — or pleasures — us. Without that knowledge, we can never let our partners know what we want or what we need to be pleasured by them.

Historically, the United States Patent Office has had over 900 applications for anti-masturbation devices for men. One of those devices even included sandpaper gloves which were meant to prevent nocturnal emissions in young men. Conversely, with the exception of chastity belts, there are few devices to prevent female masturbation – the thought being, of course, is that women neither masturbate nor enjoy sex. YES, THEY DO!

The only things preventing women from enjoying a pleasurable sexual relationship are lack of knowledge of their own bodies; partners who are poorly educated in female pleasure or who simply refuse to give up control; and/or an unwillingness or inability to communicate what they want or need from partners. With self pleasuring, women can acknowledge all orgasms before climax and bring that knowledge to their lovemaking with their partners.

The dichotomy is that we are told not to touch “down there.” As old myths fall we now know that self pleasuring is healthy and constructive. It enhances pleasure when intimate with a partner and adds to mutual pleasuring. YES, it’s ok to reach “down there” and assist a partner in pleasuring you.

masturbation2Some experience their first, and often multi, orgasms with the aid of a vibrator. Pleasure devices have been around since ancient times such as Ben Wa balls, which are now replaced with cordless vibrators. The use of a vibrator to explore one’s body for pleasure is recommended; however, it is never a replacement for lovemaking. One person said they didn’t want a vibrator because “it’s not warm and it doesn’t hug me.” The key point is the more you know about your body, the more pleasure is available to you, and your partner as well.

For men, self pleasuring allows for extended erections and delay of orgasms. Often vibrators extend lovemaking and avoid premature ejaculation. Simply by stroking without allowing ejaculation, men can learn to last longer and longer in their lovemaking.

Although couples can pleasure themselves in front of each other as foreplay or as a learning experience, self pleasuring is different. It is the only time you get to make love to someone you really love — no one can pleasure you like you! Even as you tell your partner how to pleasure you, and he or she pleasures you, it is different. Not better, just different.

Have fun, explore, be pleasured!

Author’s Bio:

Nationally renowned author, teacher, lecturer and inventor Dr. Stuart Bloch, DD, PhD, ChT is one of the nation’s leading experts on sex and sexual relationships. He is the founder of The Institute for Sexual Awareness (www.isasex.org), a research and educational trust whose purpose is to educate people to have more pleasure and satisfaction in relationships. This article is based on Dr. Bloch’s new book, “Conversations with the World’s Greatest Lover” found on Amazon.com.

May Has Cum…Have You? Masturbation Month.

maymasturbationmonth

In case you were wondering, May is National Masturbation Month. The celebration of May as National Masturbation Month began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders.

After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. She answered,“I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”

That was the end of Elders’ career as America’s first black Surgeon General, but the spark for National Masturbation Month. Offended by Elders’ ouster, the ever progressive, pro-sex staff of San Francisco’s sex toy and education company Good Vibrations decided to find a way to keep the focus on Elders’ unjust firing, and to bring talk about masturbation into the mainstream in just the way Elders had envisioned.

Realizing that large number of folks lacked support and advice to help them enjoy the simple, basic act of masturbation, Good Vibrations sought to provide support, advice, and reassurance for people looking to open their own personal sexual horizons.

And so was born National Masturbation Month. Among the first steps Good Vibrations took was to promote masturbation as healthy, safe and natural way to express one’s sexuality, thereby removing much of the shame and stigma have so long colored the act masturbation.

So, is it true, as so many believe that masturbation is so commonplace, natural, pleasurable and healthy that “ninety-eight percent of us masturbate, and the other two percent are liars?” If so, why do we need an entire month to educate people on something they’re already enjoying?

The answer is twofold: First, to help those already enjoying themselves to delve further. Second, and most importantly, it looks like plenty of people might still benefit from some encouragement and education.

A recent cross sample study of American adults asked the question: “On average, over the past 12 months, how often did you masturbate?” Only 38 percent of women said they’d masturbated at all during the past year, while 61 percent of men had done so.

The data shows that young women seem to warm up to masturbation more slowly. The study showed women from 20- to 39-years old were the most enthusiastic masturbators, with women 18 to 20, and those over 40 masturbating less. The study is the subject of an excellent article by Journalist Michael Castleman in Psychology Today.

Earlier studies have shown that rates of masturbation are higher for both men and women with higher education, more frequent sexual thoughts, sexual experimentation before puberty, and more lifetime sexual partners. Moreover, masturbation has documented physical benefits for both men and women, to say nothing of likely emotional and psychological benefits.

Health Benefits for Men
A 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy notes that masturbation may help men improve immune system function, build resistance to prostate gland infection, promote overall prostate health. Moreover, Australian researchers have shown that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer.

A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

These findings were the subject of a 2003 Doonesbury panel by Pulitzer Prize-winning Garry Trudeau. In the panel, one character alludes to masturbation as “self-dating.” Nearly half of the 700 papers which normally syndicate Doonesbury did not to run that strip, proving that public discussion of masturbation is still a thorny issue for some, and perhaps attesting to the need for an observance like National Masturbation Month.

Health Benefits for Women
Women who masturbate regularly increase their resistance to yeast infections. Masturbation helps women release pre-menstrual tension and other physical discomfort associated with menstrual cycles, like cramps. Masturbation increases blood flow to the pelvic region, which helps to reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches. Masturbation can also help to alleviate chronic back pain and increase a woman’s overall pain threshold.

Health Benefits for Both Men and Women
For both men and women, masturbation is the safest sex possible, with no possibility of sexually transmitted disease, or of unwanted pregnancy. It’s a great way to relieve stress, and release a nice flood of mood boosting endorphins. Masturbation is both a natural energizer, and a good way to help you sleep better, depending on the time of day. Lastly, masturbation helps to build stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can improve sexual performance and enjoyment. The benefits of masturbation for men and women is the subject of an excellent article for Fox News by Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright.

So, don’t just stand there, get out and celebrate National Masturbation Month. I’ll leave the details to you.

Join the Event on Facebook

Tantra for Teenagers

I am no authority on teenagers…there are very few in my life. But I was one once, so certainly I have that under my belt. And as I sit on a plane to Greece, I am surrounded by groups of young people off on their two weeks of binge drinking and stranger shagging. Meanwhile I have my head in a tantra book. As I catch morsels of overheard conversations, I am tempted to turn to them and begin to preach the Gospel of Tantra! Don’t do it kids! Don’t separate your consciousness from your sexuality and begin to condition yourselves to a lifetime of sexual experiences in which you are not present!

But hey, most of us did at some point. Perhaps you have to fall in order to pick yourself up. It was only after three years of excessive drinking that I gave up alcohol once and for all and headed to India to find something else of life aged 18 (yes I gave up drinking once I became the legal age to drink!)

But what would it be like if, when those hormones firsts start pumping, someone came to talk to us about Tantra? What if, instead of the conflicting message of “sex is a biological method of reproduction” versus the Hollywood messages of “everyone has flawless bodies and is having a lot of great sex all the time”, we were given some sort of sharing about how sex is related to love, and that it can create very strong experiences. What if the word “sacred” were even mentioned in the same sentence as the word “sex”. What then?

And how about, as those surges of energy come through the young teenage body, someone explained sexual energy? Imagine that concept helping our youth to understand the overwhelming forces at play within, and perhaps even learning a few basic tools to help deal with all of that energy…a little breathwork to support them through moments of intense energy surge. Imagine if we were teaching our young people to understand their own sexual energy before they connect to the energy of another, and then when they do connect they know a little about energies playing together.

How about explaining polarity to children as suddenly they gain a sense of being different from the other sex. How about marking that shift, from child to young adult, with a rite of passage. Returning to nature, as our distant ancestors once did, with our peers and our elders, to find out what it is to become a man/woman. What if, instead of MTV icons of male- and female-ness, teenagers learned about age-old archtypes, and about masculine and feminine energies in nature and the universe. Perhaps we could teach them about our own unique make-up of energies, of masculine and feminine traits and tendencies…and how to be at ease with ourselves just as we are.

What if teenagers were shown how to respect the other sex? Taught how to honour qualities that they may not themselves embody. How to share the delights of our differences…not to try to steal something from the other, or to dominate or gain power over the other.

And how about if teenagers were shown sex beyond the pornographic hard, edgy, loveless sex? What if they were exposed to sensuous and loving union? What if they saw two human beings in real and deep connection, with open eyes seeing one another and open hearts feeling one another. What if they actually glimpsed what it looks like when lovers are seeing the divine in one another …

And how would it be to show our young people the connections between sexuality and nature…to show that sex is natural; that it mirrors the gushing rivers and burning fires; the animal instinct. That some beautiful energies can flow between two bodies, an experience of deep aliveness…what if we let them know that?

How useful would it be to understand a little of creating safe space? Of boundaries…ever-shifting yet hugely important. Of “yes’s” and “no’s” and even options such as “can we just stop and hold each other?” And imagine if young people were taught to find their inner truth, their inner knowing…and learn to trust that. So they are no longer susceptible to the suggestion of every Tom, Dick and Harry, but able instead to look within and find what is right for them in each fresh new moment. Imagine if someone showed them that!

Because then even the adults could relax a bit. Instead of trying desperately to shield their young from sexuality, working against a natural explosion of hormones, parents could rest a little knowing that their children were actually equipped to enter the world of sexuality with the empowerment they need to begin such an epic journey. Not only that, but they might actually have some of the  communication skills to discuss it with their parents. The right education would also create the open-minded atmosphere in which teenagers sexual experiences are not all secretive and hidden from fear of being caught.

Many people seek out tantra in their thirties and forties. But why wait? Imagine what a difference it could make if teenagers were initiated into Tantra. Then perhaps I’d be sat on a plane with a load of youthful beings off to seek connection to nature, learn to open their hearts and discover the joys of being a sexual and alive being.

Original Posting at Shashi Solluna

Edging and Ballooning: Two Exercises to Help Cure Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is a condition from which millions of men worldwide have suffered, but it’s a condition that is highly curable. In cases where the premature ejaculation is severe, it is highly advisable to see a medical professional. However, for milder cases, premature ejaculation exercises may help or reverse the condition. Premature ejaculation exercises can help you build stamina and learn control. Edging and ballooning are two premature ejaculation exercises that will help you strengthen your penis and improve your staying power during sex.

Edging
One of the best exercises to incorporate into your penis exercising routine is edging. Edging is masturbating and stopping right before you ejaculate. Once your urge to ejaculate has subsided, you repeat the process as many times as you’d like. By building up over and over again, you’re training your brain to learn how to gain complete control of your ejaculations and, thus, overcome any problem with premature ejaculation you may have.This “stop and go” build-up also can help you achieve even stronger orgasms Try to build up to twenty minutes per edging session before you ejaculate.

Ballooning

Similar to edging, ballooning involves masturbating and stopping right before you ejaculate. However, it doesn’t involve stroking the penis up and down. Ballooning helps with premature ejaculation by training your brain to learn how to become comfortable with feeling sexual pleasure without a release.To practice ballooning, find the super-sensitive “magic spot” on your penis (avoid the frenulum under the head at first, as it may be too sensitive) and rub over and over, using a circular motion until just before ejaculation. In a ballooning session, your goal is to stay at your maximum hardness for as long as possible without ejaculating. This practice can help you gradually increase your stamina.

Even if you find you need medical assistance in your fight against premature ejaculation, premature ejaculation exercises can help you increase your stamina and prowess over the long term. Like the rest of your body, your pelvic muscles and the smooth muscle tissue in your penis can become more “muscular” with training, allowing you ultimately to be able to sustain more powerful erections for longer. It is in the strength of your erection that you will find greater control over your climax.

  – Health & Fitness Solutions

Love & Marriage: It’s an institute you can’t disparage… or can you? by Scott Beauregard

wedding1Having been married in my past and when that marriage ended, as all too many in current society do, in divorce I was lost for a period of time.   I struggled with the concepts of what society says is the path to happiness.    I started to look deeper into my own thoughts and beliefs about marriage.   While It may seem in this piece that I’m condemning marriage that is not truly the case.   I’m not condemning marriage, but more condemning the reasons we enter into a marriage contract.  

In doing research based on this subject it quickly became apparent that there is not reliable historical information regarding marriage and rarely is the word “love” mentioned in all of the definitions and histories of marriage.   Let’s look at the current state of marriage and its role in keeping us disconnected from our true selves.   Although attitudes are starting to change slowly when it comes to the definition of marriage,  this is not going to turn into a political debate. It has been commonly held that marriage is the union of one man and one woman for quite sometime.    Look at that last statement again, specifically, “union of”.    What does that bring into your mind?    A partnership, a combining of equal parts?  If it is so that this union of, and we can even expand it out to two people, is an equal partnership then why are people so lost and looking, searching for that one connection that will “save” them.    The divorce rate is through the roof.    Domestic abuse and violence is at an all time high.    We don’t seem to be learning anything and making the same mistakes over and over.   

People both men and women, straight, gay, bi, have relationships with 6-10 different people in their lifetime.   All under the guise of finding “the one”.    The one that will allow me to be happy.   As those numbers point out there’s not “the one”, although in rare instances it does happen or at least appear on the surface.   That older couple that has been together for 50, 60, 70 years, we’ve all heard those stories about a love that endures.    It is obvious that these rare occurrences that the couple understands something about unconditional love or they hide the true nature of the relationship from even themselves.   

wedding-cows-heartlandboostMarriage is a contract not of equals, but of property.    That’s right property.    It is nothing more than a contract where the man agrees to provide security and physical property and  woman agrees to become property of the husband for the security and physical property that is or will be owned and for the purposes of procreation so the physical property is in the hands of known relations.    Men have through fear convinced women to give up their true feminine nature for stuff basically.    Women have accepted the mantle of chattel on the antiquated notion that they will be provided for.   If this is not true in this day and age why is it that more and more women have given up their feminine energetic natures and taken on more masculine natures in their lives.   

asian-couple-man-carrying-womanSo many people today still think that their happiness can come from another person.    This is a crazy notion.   One of the questions asked often in my counseling/coaching sessions is “Who can make you happy”, over 90% of the time the answer is “I can”.   Next question is can anyone else?   answer no.    This is followed up with a question creates a lot of confusion.     “Who can hurt you?” almost every person says “anybody”.    When that is questioned with “If you are the only one that can make you happy,  how is it that “anybody” can hurt you?”

If a good number of people can realize at this time that they are responsible for their own happiness why is it so difficult to accept that one is just as responsible for the hurts that come into one’s life.    They bring this perception into the marriage contract and that is a pretty good indicator of why the divorce rate is so high.    That and the fact that it is INSANE that women in this day and age would agree willingly to trade themselves for physical property and the illusion of security.  

It’s not all their fault.  The male has done a superb job of selling a bill of goods for hundreds or thousands of years that this is the only way it will work.    The old patriarchal paradigm of conquest, control, and ownership is still in full effect today.  Things are starting to change slowly.  People in general are starting to take off the blinders.    People are getting married for the first time later in life or choosing not to get married at all.    Society is growing up and women are starting to wake up to the fact that the male will not give up what they have gained easily and the woman will have to take responsibility for becoming whole again.  The male also bears responsibility in becoming whole but too many males still have that macho I need to conquer my world mentality.    Using tantra and coaching it is possible to heal individual males and females, and couples as well.

  When two people centered in the divine self, the unconditional love, the pure awareness, is it possible to create a union of equals.    This is not to be seen though as an answer to fix the marriage contract though.    It is only the understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be, for a reason, a season or on the rare occasions a lifetime.  This can be applied to any relationship, friends, lovers, parents, children, etc.  When we are centered in awareness and connected to that unconditional source, it becomes easier to love without attachment to thoughts of would, should, could.  Which puts expectations of action or inaction, on the other person which will just lead down a path of hurting the self or other person with those expectations.

While there will always be those that prefer the marriage contract to the alternative, if we can get to the point of being centered within ourselves we can more easily handle the points in time when the current relationship we are in no longer serve the highest and greatest good of either party while maintaining the unconditional love and respect of the other party.       

Balance or Harmony by Alexander Brighton

So many people that I’ve had conversations with have told me that they are seeking balance in their life.    I decided to go look up the word balance on dictionary.com.   It read a state of equilibrium.  Searching further equilibrium means a state of rest due to the equal action of opposing forces.     When you have two or more opposing forces that are exerting equal action you can develop balance.    As we move through our daily lives we have more than 2 opposing forces at any one time.    Rarely do these forces exert equal action or force.     So if you can only have balance with opposing forces exerting equal force then the realization of balance never develops.   

How many times have we been faced with opposing thoughts(forces)?  Here’s an example that we’ve all faced.   I have to go to work, however, I’d much rather stay home and spend time with a loved one.    These are not applying equal action on us.   If the need for money is greater it will exert greater force.     If the need for connection with the loved one is greater than the need  of money then taking the day off would be exerting greater force.   Balance or equilibrium needs opposing forces to be created.    Opposing forces create a duality within us.     That duality rarely ever has equal action on both sides, there for balance is missed and our lives are lopsided.    Like that shopping cart with the one flat spot on the wheel that goes clunk clunk clunk as we walk through the grocery store.

 Whats the alternative then? Harmony.

Again going back to dictionary.com harmony means a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arragment of parts.    When we move away from trying to get opposing forces to exert equal action at the same time, we can start to build harmony in our lives.   Instead of dealing with the duality of opposing forces, build your life so there is agreement with all the different forces in your life.    I will go to work today and then take my loved one out for a nice dinner, or make a nice dinner. Even when something is out of balance it can still be in harmony.    That shopping cart that I mentioned earlier.   If you are out of balance and out of harmony with your life that constant clunk might push you to the point of madness.   

However, if you are out of balance AND in harmony  you might notice that that clunk is in perfect time with the music playing in the store and smile.  Some that I have talked to want to find balance for every aspect of their life.    This is mostly impossible.    Just take gender as an example I hear people all the time state they want to balance their masculine and feminine energy.   These are opposing forms of energy.  Very complementary but opposite.   Whether  you are male or female you have both energies within you.    However they are rarely ever to the point that they are applying or exerting equal action in your life so then how can you balance them.    Working to get the masculine and feminine to be in harmony though, that’s beautiful.   They no longer have to be exerting equal action.   You could be 75% feminine and 25% masculine and still be in harmony.    The energies working in harmony to create the consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts or energies in this case.  You give up the battle of duality of trying to be 50% feminine and 50% masculine.   

As you start to apply the harmony principle to your life you will start to find that things may come into balance naturally.   Harmony allows us to take a step back from the constant battle of duality.    It allows us to build ONE life that flows by taking these forces and into a simultaneous combination.    Where each force becomes a note on the music of your life.     A piece of music that you are the author of.  

What do you want the music of your life to sound like?

Honor Your Depth

Honor Your Depth~“Let’s go down by the river where we can be alone and enjoy the stars. I have a blanket in the back of my truck.” Says a young man of 16 to his new girlfriend.

A sweet flirtatious smile crosses her lips as she agrees.

Cuddling, kissing, and playful touching of each other. The lapping of the water along the shore line and the crickets chirping in the cool night air. Two young lovers adventure off to explore the great landscape of each other’s flesh. Without much consciousness the energy whirls around them, haste and excitement of the moment and possibility overcome both. Hands are moving quickly, kissing becomes more passionate. A braw is removed or pushed to the side. Jeans are unzipped. The boy’s hand squeezes its way down the front, between panties and flesh of the princess that lies beside him. Clumsily he tries to arouse her. Flicking here and there, unsure as to what he is to do. It feels strangely good but not what she had dreamed of. Becoming frustrated with the ever expanding bulge in his own pants and the lack of creativity in his skills he makes the move to remove her jeans.

Once revealing herself in the cold night air she now begins to question her longings, her feelings and his. Yet she adores this young man and wants to please him. She wants him to like her. To stay with her and she wants to experience life and her own body as well. She tugs at his pants, loosening them; he helps her and slips them down to his ankles. Giving an okaying pull she welcomes him to come between her legs now. He is overly excited, feeling his passion through a hard throbbing in his erection. He kisses her again on the lips, wanting her to welcome him farther along this joint venture. She kisses him back openly, giggles some and encourages him to take the next step.

Not knowing or even most likely realizing that his girlfriends yoni is not fully aroused yet he pushes clumsily forward. Pressing himself against her, separating the lips of her yoni with his fingers and then guiding himself inside her. Never pausing just moving at a quickening speed forward to the conquest of this young flower. He is inside her warmth, her velvety tight softness. His mind is no longer in his head, nor is it in his heart feeling her. He only feels with his cock in this moment.

The initial stretching and wrapping feeling within her as he glides back and forth in this friction sex feels good, not intensely good but good. There is a certain comfort in this feeling. His warm breath cascading down on her with his movement. His grunts. His words of love as he presses himself deeper, deeper…. Just like he has seen in some porno on line. He thrusts harder thinking that she will enjoy that like the girls in the movies do, he has to admit it feels insanely good to his genitals but, she is not moaning. She lets out a soft whimper. Nervous to speak of the pain she just felt. Repeatedly he bumps up against her young cervix. A heated sensation rising in her belly, a tightening in her yoni, her body is attempting to offset the damage. Trying to protect itself.

The feeling is too much for him to control, as her body contracts with burst of pain and then softens when he is in more pleasurable zones makes him cum. Forcing him to press deep again, against her cervix, this time as he shakes from his orgasm the tip of his cock penetrates through her delicate cervix, tearing it slightly. She feels a strange sensation inside her body but now the moment is ending. He quickly retreats from her body. Seeing blood on his cock.  Not certain as to what has happened he questions her is she alright? Does she have her period? Was she a virgin, (grin on his face)?

She has not her period nor is a virgin. She says she is fine but is scared to admit that she is unsure. They dress again and go home. ~

This story is adapted from a recent tale that was shared with me by my very own daughter. Worried about her friend who had experienced this, who was still after a few days bleeding. Scared to death of what had happened to her body she had nowhere to even turn. You would hope that at least she could turn to her parents or mother, but what if in admittance of the loss of her virginity she would be kicked to the curb? Yes, the human act of exploring our sexuality in our youth can lead to early flight from the nest for many.

What is not shared in this tale is that the young man shared his 11 inch shaft with this petite young woman. Neither intended on it to be a painful event. Yet because of the limited openness between the girl and her parents and her vague experience with a few other boys she had no way of knowing what her depth was. She had no guidance from a woman in her life to share with her about the importance of taking things slow in sex. She did not know how to speak up for what she was feeling. And above all else she did not know how to honor her depth!

The young man, proud of his eleven inch lingam (penis) had only similar knowledge through a few sexual encounters with other girls who most likely suffered from the same restrictive education as this one. He most likely watched a few movies and seeing these adult males with their 9-13 inch lingams pounding their cocks into women who “appeared” to enjoy each plunge of the anaconda thought he was doing everything right. It was her who had issues, not knowing how to receive the pleasure he was sharing. If he had a male role model in his life that was open about sex with him, he could have been told anything from, “you get in there and get it done son, “ or “always make sure she comes first,” or “youth is for exploration, don’t tie yourself down with just one girl, taste all the flavors you can.”

Never did someone share with him that like men’s lingams, women’s yonis are all built differently. Not only are the petals of her flower unique but so are the roots. The depth of her cervix is unique. Exact location of her G-spot is unique. The shape and size, hood cover of her clitoris is unique. All as perfect as the next but when a man and a women come together and do not honor her depth, then his depth can either be too much and cause a possible life-long energetic injury or physical injury and on the reverse leave him feeling inadequate because he is in his eye’s not big enough. Weather a lingam is 4 inches erect or 11 inches erect, they are each perfect.  Size is not a representation of skill, feeling or ability to love. It is not a sign post for, “Damn this guy is going to give me the best Orgasm EVER!”

If young men and women were openly taught to learn about their bodies, what their depth was and where their pleasure spots were then they could learn to move slower into sexual expression with a partner, they could also learn to feel each other and to realize that friction sex is only 1/1000th of the pleasure pie. They would realize that 11 inches is very unique but so are the women that can have the depth to accommodate. If a man with such a lingam chooses to peruse a woman who can only handle the depth of 6 inches then he needs to be aware that he will never be able to enter her fully. Yes she can open to him and allow him in expanding her yoni; and as her cervix softens he may even be able to penetrate through it intensifying pleasure without any pain or bloodshed, but more than likely the reverse will happen. The same is true of a woman with greater depth. If she is longing for the intensity of a cervical orgasm and has the depth to accommodate a 8-9 inch lingam but finds herself in a sexual encounter with a man who has a lingam of 6 inches then she needs to know that he will not be able to rub the cervix softly for the 40 minutes it will take to open her to this intense and healing orgasm. Sex can still be love making and it can still be extremely pleasurable for both, but if they are unconscious as our society supports us to be then falling prey to friction sex and to the constant sabotage of ill behavior and thoughts of what an ideal penis or vagina looks like will be the beginning to a repetitive destructive sexual life. Men will continue to physically and energetically damage the women in their lives as well as themselves. Women will close down to pleasure, to themselves, to sex in general and to their men.

The end of this tale is sad if Tantra is not introduced. This young girl and boy who we started our blog venture with will grow up and slowly shut down. They will limit their own expansion in all areas of life and learn to just accept what little enjoyment life offers. They most likely will marry someone along their path, feel love brush their shoulders for a few years, bring an angel or two into this world and then realize that something is still missing. They will long for fulfillment. They will long for pleasure, for passion for their depth to be felt. Never realizing that they first have to honor their depth, learn to open to love at all cost and expand their souls unions through the allowance of self healing and the healing of their lovers.

Performance Anxiety vs. Presence

I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…

 By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator

I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.

Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection.  It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman.   That’s not reality.  Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.

 

It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it.  Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.

In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.

Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!

There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.

Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body…  How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…

How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you…  creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you.  It’s incredibly satisfying!  And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.

Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.

Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.

Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California.  She travels the world teaching Tantra.  You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.

Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog

Tantric Therapy for Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation (PME) is very common in males of all ages. Premature ejaculation is also common in the animal kingdom. In the animal kingdom sometimes fast is good; in order to deliver the sacred seeds of procreation as fast as possible or before someone else does. On the other hand, even in the animal kingdom, a prolonged sexual process creates physiological conditions that evoke specific levels of arousal and lubrication, and optimal positioning and penetration which increase the reception of the sacred seeds of procreation.

According to the “The Pleasure Coach”, “As boys masturbating or with a partner, they often trained themselves to be pre-mature ejeculators as they often do this quickly so as not to get caught. As adults, many men do not realize that extending the pleasure by slowing down can add a whole other dimension to their self-pleasuring.”

The act of sexual union not only provides procreation, but creates intimacy and connectedness.

Traditional professionals debate on the causes and treatment of premature ejaculation in men. Some believe that premature ejaculation is due to inheritance because individuals that experience premature ejaculations often have first-degree relatives that have had similar experiences; whether this is genetic or cultural is debatable.

Other researchers have noted that men who experience premature ejaculation have a faster neurological response in the pelvic muscles. Also, physiological complications such as urethritis, prostatitis, hyperthyroidism, obesity, and erectile dysfunction have been identified as attributed causes of PME. Tension in intimate relationships is commonly documented as causes as well.

Traditional treatments often involve talk therapy, recommended exercises to do at home and sometimes medication. Unfortunately, most traditional therapies focusing on dulling the sensations; psychologically (thinking about something else), physically (use of condoms, creams and analgesics to dull the sensation) and chemically (medication that dulls all sensation mentally and physically).

The Tantric Therapy view is much more holistic, natural and actually engages individuals to expand their sensations and experience.

Tantric Therapy View

First, while there can be a physiological issue, premature ejaculation is totally and completely a natural occurrence. It is nothing to be ashamed off. However, premature ejaculation can limit a man’s intimate connection with himself and add challenging dynamics to relationships.

I have practiced traditional insurance reimbursable psychotherapy for 16-years. Tantric Therapy treats the psychological, physiological and adds a critical spiritualogical component creating a holistic approach. Where traditional therapies can be effective, the holistic approach of Tantric Therapy is 100 times more effective in treating premature ejaculation (PME). I often compare the idea of only doing talk therapy to treat PME to the idea of just talking to someone that really needs physical therapy after an injury or surgery. A physical therapist could tell a person how to best do physical therapy on themselves or even teach a friend or beloved to help them; but most agree it would not be as effective. Actual physical therapy is 100 times more effective in healing physical injuries than talking about; why shouldn’t the treatment of PME?

Tantric Therapy does not treat the symptoms or even the causes of PME. Tantric Therapy focuses on the core of an individual’s frame of reference and center of relativity in their sacred relationship with themselves and with others.

Tantric Therapy

Working with men; I recommend individual counseling, bodywork and couples counseling.

Psycho/Spiritual

Tantric Therapy begins first with gathering an extensive history regarding not only sexual functioning, but also a developmental (childhood to adulthood) history, including a family history and discussion relative to intimate relationships. In addition, a physiological history is also gathered to rule out medical conditions. Also, information is gathered about the person’s spiritual perspectives on relationships and sacred sexuality. This process is not done to identify problems but to get the individual to engage and open themselves up.

In Tantric Therapy, sessions commonly begin with discussing and exploring the concepts of Sacred Sexuality from a psycho/spiritual/sexual perspective. Genuinely acknowledging the Sacredness of relationships often has a profound impact on individual’s views of Sacred Sexuality, intimacy, spirituality and on sexual functioning – including PME.

The experience of Tantra is to open or uncoil the Kundalini within. Awakening the Kundalini within not only elevates our energy and the contact we have the Divine; but sexual energy is not manifested physiologically but spiritually. The sustained spiritual union with oneself and between partners can lead bliss.

In addition, treatment teaches/focuses mental centeredness, relaxation, and awareness.

Also, recommendations are made for diet and regular physical activities; such as yoga.

Bodywork

I often counsel/educate men on the physiology/anatomy of intimacy.

Often the review of male physiology/anatomy includes the functioning of their bodies. I almost always recommend men doing bodywork sessions female practitioners. Bodywork sessions are very intimate and profoundly effective. All body work sessions begin with a developing therapeutic intimacy – creating a safe intimate connection/relationship for sharing and healing.

Most bodywork sessions involve the practitioner bathing and massaging the man to induce relaxation and intimacy. Breathing exercises are incorporated as well; making breathing delicate and slowing the breath. When an agreed level of relaxation and intimacy is established a more intense focus can be explored with the man’s Lingam, perineum, and sacred spot.

During a bodywork session; a practitioner will familiarize a man with his anatomy in a new way or sometimes touch a man in a way that he has only touched or explored himself. During these sessions; it doesn’t matter if the man is erect or not and often men ejaculate early in the session.

The muscles surrounding the perineum, Lingam and anus of massages and relaxed. The exploration of Scrotum elasticity, responsiveness, effects of temperature and sensitivity are explored. In addition, the connectedness of the perineum is explored. The stimulation of the prostate is explored as well; first internally and internally. When erect, the flexibility and positioning of the Lingam is manipulated. Often during sessions, men will become erect and then become un-erect. Ejaculating several times is also common. During sessions, men are taught how to squeeze their muscles around their prostate. This is done with the practitioner feeling the squeeze around the prostate.

Another important aspect is to have a in-depth conversation regarding masturbation. Often men train themsevles to ejaculate quickly; therefore some men are conditioned for PME.

Practitioners work with men in the bathroom; and encourage them to begin to urinate and then stop and continue again helping them become more aware of the internal sensations. While men can be and are instructed to do this by themselves; having a practitioner accompany/instruct them in-person has been more effective. Some practitioners will have men drink a lot of water before and during sessions and then have them stand and urinate into a jar and train them to start and stop.

The most common technique is to massage a man’s Lingam and prostate simultaneously and have the man signal when he feels the sensation that he is coming close to ejaculating and then stop the stimulation and encourage the man to squeeze. This process will not only profoundly help with PME but guide the man to experience multiple orgasms and recirculate his energy.

Overall, the most effective approach is to associate arousal with the connection to the Divine and have ejaculations be a conscious choice rather than a reflex. This is accomplished with Tantric Rituals, teachings of the male multi-orgasmic response and a lot of positive love and support.

Namaste,

Duncan Knight

You may also review Duncan Knights work at www.tantricproviders.com

Dallas, Texas

I have been Tantric Therapist for 15+ years, specializing in helping individuals and couples improve their relationships and make them Sacred. My Tantric Therapy practice is a combination of psychotherapy, massage therapy and spiritual guidance. I consider women Sacred and Divine and guide them to realize their Divinity; and teach couples to worship each other’s Divinity.