Open and Shut – How do you cope with transformation?

Open and Shut.

The lesson of my year.
When this year got started I looked at it and just knew that it was going to be transformational.
Now I am not an overly superstitious person or one that listens strongly to “hocus pocus” sorts of things, but I do pay attention to energy and take it all in.

Born in the year of the fire dragon according to Chinese astrology, the year of the dog that we are in typically brings in relationship transformation items for me.

You can call this bogus, and I often do myself in my own head.
Questioning things as they do not line up to my logical, scientific, realist thinking and understanding, however there are times that I see that these “mystical, spiritual” sorts of things actually do shine a light on potential energy of the moment.

This all being said, the year of the dog has proven once again to be a year that is reorganizing my life in ways I never anticipated.

The last year of the dog I told my now ex-husband that I wanted a divorce.

This year both my over 6 year intimate relationships came to an end suddenly and friendships are changing right before my eye’s as well. My family is growing in number, orchestrating itself, I feel pulled away from my mother and I am questioning some relationships that are lingering.

The year of the dog is all about relationship.
Loyalty.
Family.
Brotherhood-sisterhood.

And for us dragon’s it reveals the truth in these areas.

Change is always difficult.
The feeling of loosing those who have been closest to you is never easy and is painful at a level that I do not believe I have words to express.

Yet I am reminded in these times of relationship transformation, the wisdom and comfort of Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

” To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.”

As I move through this year,
I feel my ego wanting me to shut the doorways on life,
to fully retract from things that I enjoy,
form the relationships that I do have,
or to shut down from the people that I am in a relationship transformation with.

I have observed that as these changes occur that my fellow transformation warriors often choose to shut themselves down and out.

Making what seem’s like a public display of their pain by closing the doors to what not is, but what could be.

The pain of transformation effects everyone differently,
and I am not proclaiming that there is any right or wrong way to go about it.

It is nothing more than a noticing of these times.

My way has always been about opening.
Just because a relationship is evolving,
just because new boundaries are being established,
just because truths have been spoken,
lies broken,
and hearts revealed,
that in my humble opinion does not mean that one must shut down to the relationship and close it fully out UNLESS,

Unless….
That is that the vibration between souls is so great of a difference that they cannot co-habitat in any fashion or sense.

Then a full closing must happen.
At least for a time frame.

In this case, I am reminded of the wisdom ,
“Time heals all wounds.”

I use to say this was rubbish.
But now in my 40’s I know that it is truth.

I have had my heart broken in many ways,
by those I never thought would and I have done my fair share of breaking of other’s.
This process will never end,
but what I have learned is that over the course of time,
Time will heal the woulds.

Time allows for us to move if we desire from a state of closed to a state of open.

It allows us to educate ourselves about the lessons that we practiced in these past relationships and to expand ourselves more, yet always offering a deeper realization of ourselves.

Relationship is all about us meeting ourselves at a more intimate level.

Our relationships with others reveals to us our internal relationship with ourselves and with God.

As we step forward on this path of transformation,
we find our guidance here.

The steps we are to take will be lit by blessings that will guide us and desires that will call to us.

Do we choose to open or shut to them?
The answer to this question makes all the difference on our path of understanding and healing.

We are always being offered a choice.
It is always ours to make.

What manifests in our life experience comes from these choices and the energy of opening or shutting in any given moment.

It is truly only by leaning into love,
and remaining open through the pain of the transofmration,
that we expand to our deeper self.

In loving gratitude for all those relationships through my life that have offered these lessons and I have been able to take part in. May we all move toward a deeper union with our truth.

And as always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
Message me for details….

NEWS FLASH!!! You Can’t Do It For ANYONE else but YOU.

You Can’t Do It For ANYONE else but YOU.

 
You really are the center of the universe.
 
I know that may sound like a ego based statement,
it may appear to be selfish, self centered and even “wrong” in some fashion to think this way about ourselves.
 
But leave it to me to be the
📢📢📢F-cking NEWS FLASH of reality….
 
If you make anyone else more important than you,
If you make anyone else’s business your responsibility,
If you worry more about anyone else more,
If you want it more for them then they do….
 
Then you are sacrificing your EVERYTHING.
 
I am always telling my clients,
” I am in this to level that you are.”
 
Meaning, if you think it is my responsibility as your coach to do/push or want your success more than you do, then you will be sadly let down and mistaken.
 
If you believe that you need someone else to push you,
Give you motivation,
Reason,
Courage,
or FAITH,
 
to take the steps that you need to take.

to REMIND you to DO THE Mother F-cking things that you know you need to do.

 
Then you are going to always have less than what you are worth.
You will always be a victim to life,
a victim to circumstance.
 
You will continually be lost,
feel unloved,
unseen,
and like you do not matter.
 
It is no one else’s job to make you
FEEL
or DO
ANYTHING.
 

This is your effing life.

🔥🔥🔥If you want it than CLAIM IT!🔥🔥🔥
 
What if….
 
What if you just finally started saying YES to yourself,
and stopped being the doormat to everything and everyone else?
 
What if you made yourself,
 

🙄WAIT FOR IT…..

 
 

…..THE F-cking Priority. 📢🎆🎆

 
WHOA!!!! What a concept.
 
So back to my original statement of today…
 
You really are the center of the universe.
YOUR Universe.
 
YOUR WORLD! 🌏
 

💯% of the TIME.

 
No one else.
 
This is called having
DRIVE
DIRECTION
COMMITMENT
SELF-LOVE
 
PURPOSE!!!!!!!!
 
Very few people actually have these things.
Most people opt for average and ordinary.
They opt to remain in the confines of the beliefs that they are responsible for someone else’s thoughts, feelings, actions.
 
That it is their responsibility to try and control an outcome.
 
Many people SACRIFICE their lives
for others….
 
WHO never realize that they have done this,
and don’t even want them to do this.
 
Many people,
believe that this makes them ” a good person.”
 
A Godly person, even.
 
When in fact,
all it does is STEAL their JOY.
 
Want to know why you suffer so GREATLY?
Want to know why you feel lost?
Want to know why your always unhappy,
never satisfied,
have limited DESIRE 🔥🔥🔥
 
BECAUSE You are Living for Someone Else.
You are NOT LIVING YOUR LIFE.
 
You have made someone else your EVERYTHING.
And You have GIVEN Your Life for it.
 
So F-cking STOP!!!
 
Instead look in the mirror and start telling the most important person in your life how
 
AMAZING they are.
That YOU LOVE 💖 Them.
That they are WORTHY.
That they CAN HAVE IT ALL!!!!
 

Start with you Baby!

You were born for GREATNESS.

 
But You have to CLAIM IT for Yourself.
No One Else can do this for you.
 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 
Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
Message me for details….
 

My False NEED to Control…

BOOM!!!! My Observation of the darkness and my truth…

“OMFG! Here is my ego. Here are my blocks.”

Last night I sat in bed listening to training video’s and working through mindset practices and journaling to level up my work. I know that I am not in full alignment at this moment with who I really am and my desires. So there I sat till almost 2AM doing the REAL effing work. You know what I am talking about. The INTERNAL work.
And because I am a mom of a 5 year old and a 3 year old, I found my bed invaded by little people who were struggling with their sleep. This made me keep my room dim where I could barely see the words that I was writing in my journal.
I noticed quickly my struggle for control.
My need to make sure that my words were forming correctly.
As though my soul would form them wrong…lol
I noticed that I was struggling to just go with my flow,
and ALLOW.
As I moved more into this observation, I started to desire to just LET IT GO.
But my EGO,
my effing EGO.
It fought.
It wanted me to control.
To think I was doing something incomplete,
not good enough,
not right.
All because I could not see clearly the space I was writing in and the entirety of what I was calling in through my words.
How eye opening this was.
My lesson of the early morning.
Here was a major block.
Here was how my EGO had me by the balls currently.
It was happening not just in my journaling,
but in my life.
My false NEED to know the path.
To see the STEPS.
To try and control what is not mine to control.
My lack of FAITH….
WOW!!!!
Time to let that shit go!
If you relate to this intimacy share on your blockages around manifesting your #fuckyeslifestlye then Comment and share your observations of your ego. Message me about how best to become more aware of your ego and create that F-ck Yes! Life NOW.

And As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

Your Perception Does Not Define Me.

It’s your impression of me that shuts me down.

It’s your view of who you think I am that prevents you from seeing whom I really am.

It’s your ideas about what I am thinking,
feeling that create this space between us.

It’s your fear of my inner world that holds your authentic self from coming out.

STOP.

Stop putting your idea’s,
your feelings,
your fears,
on me.

They are not mine.
Do not shut me out
because it is easier than feeling into me.

Do not disconnect and not speak,
because you already know what I will respond with.

Do not retract your love,
because you are certain you heard me say one thing when
IN FACT you were not listening.

All you hear is your program.
All you hear is your past trauma.
All you hear is your baggage.

You think you see me clearly.
But you only see my reflection.
The one that you have painted.

None of this is true.

Your perception of me,
is NOT my reality.

That fear,
that doubt,
that anger you hold.

It is in you.
It is not mine.

That blame you are trying to hand to me,
it is yours my love.

It is not mine.

All this viewing of a shadow I never cast,
has you seeing an image of me that never has been.

It is your impression of me that shuts me down.

I feel you judging.
I feel you closing me out.
I feel you hiding.
I feel you poking at me,
hoping to see me,
but not willing to stand with me.

Confirmation of your inability to stand,
comes from your actions.
Those actions you claim you have no choice but to make.
Those actions which you initiated,
initiated with your fear,
your anger,
your doubt,
your lack of feeling worthy.

That self-hatred,
you cast it onto me.
You see me in the blinding light of your self rage,
and you mistake me for the devil.

That devil that resides deep withing each of us.
That devil that has brainwashed you,
you into believing you are not doing anything,
but that everything is happening to you.

You are the driver of your life.
These are your choices.

This is our path.
The journey we have chosen to share.

It is your impression of me that keep’s me locked out of your castle gates.
It is your fear of being loved that keep’s you from feeling me.
It is your anger of the reflection that I provide that has the inner devil dancing in rage.

It is you my love.
It is you.

I will not own this image that you have gifted me with.
I will not claim it as my own.

I CHOOSE love.
I CHOOSE growth.
I CHOOSE soul.
I CHOOSE to see the light.

The light in me.
The light in you.

This I honor.
This I am in gratitude for.

Put down your armor,
let your warrior rest.
It is time to embrace the truth.
Time to SEE your TRUTH.

You are WORTHY.
Stand in your FEAR and cast out the devils there.

This is your calling.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

PS-  I love you♥
Today is the day. Come join me for a 10 day intensive experience to create the life that you have always dreamed of.

Stop F-cking Around goes LIVE tonight here on FB.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

In a year from now you will have wished you would have taken up this opportunity to CLAIM your life.

Claim the next level.
Manifest on command.
Manifest with intent.

Own your life.
Stop F-cking Around is a 10 Day Alignment Asskickery designed for anyone who wants to maximize their full potential and shift their reality QUICKLY.

Here is what some people are saying:

“Holy F-ck! I had no idea I could get these results so quickly.”

“I love the ease that you teach these concepts with, and working one on one with you has been one of the most life changing experiences.”

“One of the most powerful, game changes I have ever been through.”

https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

Don’t wait another moment.
REGISTER NOW for this powerful FB workshop.

https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

Stop Dishonoring God with Your Fear.

Standing at the cliff I looked down.
The water was brilliant,
radiant turquoise waters shimmering from the sun’s light.
Beautiful tropical fish swimming around in a flurry of delight as people swam by them.
The lush backdrop of tropical trees, brilliant colored flowers and the cool ocean air.

There I stood at the cliff,
desiring to jump.
Desiring to leap.
My lover watching from a distance.
Cheering me on.
Ready to snap a picture of me leaping.

There I stood.
Feeling my life.
Feeling the life I had not yet lived.
Looking into the crystal clear waters that just moments before I had been snorkeling in.
I desired to jump.
I desired to show myself and my lover,
everyone around me that I could.

There I stood,
my heart pumping blood more intensely then any other time.
My eye’s witnessing others leaping with delight off this cliff,
squealing with joy as they crashed into the cool water below,
laughter erupting from below from their joy.

THEN…

Then a woman,
she is fearful,
she is anxious,
she is nauseating in her energy.
She questions everything.
I could feel her.
All my fear,
all my hold back,
catching on her doubt and feeding itself.

Here I stood,
looking over this cliff,
wanting to jump.
Wanting to experience the joy,
the freedom,
the free fall into bliss.

Yet I handed my opportunity over to FEAR.
I leaned into this woman’s fears,
I took them on as my own.
I logically supported her words,
her doubts.
And I said, “No.”

No to myself.
No to opportunity.
No to growth.
No to the experience.
No to my desire.
No to the calling.

I said no, not based on my desire or heart,
but no based on a strangers fear and doubt.

Her reflection in me,
overcame my very desire.

Still today, I look back at this experience in Mexico as a game changer. I know that it was a lesson that I felt but did not get in the moment.

I know that it was a test of soul that I failed at that time.
All things happen for a reason,
and when we feel our fears at the cliff of any change,
we decide to either lean and leap toward our calling,
our bliss,
or
we decide to step away from them.

I have processed this moment over and over again,
I have examined the physical feelings that came up in my body. I have shamed myself, sat in regret, said many a mean thing to myself around this.

I have blamed this choice at that time for other events that took place to follow.
Seeing how my lack of not leaping into my fear, preventing me from standing strong in other desires.
Prevented me from moving forward when my soul called out to MOVE.

So I procrastinated.
So I waited.
Waited till God had enough.
Waited until I was thrown out of the nest,
and was forced to fly.

No matter what happens in life,
our lessons come for us.

No matter what happens,
we will be forced to face our fears,
and we will be given the choice to leap into our bliss,
or cower into our suffering.

God will continue to hold out his hands of opportunity.
God will continue to walk us up to these life changing cliff’s.
God will continue to tell us we can fly.

But WE must be the one’s to say YES.
We must be the one’s to OPEN OUR WINGS.

In choosing to allow other’s fears and doubts to over take us like I did in Mexico, we hemorrhage our power.

We bleed out.
And we loose ourselves to this world.

When we allow our feelings to be directed by other’s views, thoughts, opinions and feelings, we say no to the most important person in our life.

We say no to ourselves and we turn our backs on God.
This is why we suffer.
This is why we live with depression.
This is where our anxiety comes from.
This is why we are rageful.

When we deny ourselves,
when we step away from the cliff that is calling our soul to fly,
we dishonor God.

We condemn his greatness.
And we separate ourselves from his glory.

This is one of the greatest sin’s that we can allow.
Yet, here we are.
A society of wantabe obedient believers,
Casting ourselves out of heaven,
separating ourselves from God and all the blessing.

We live in a state of ego,
and ego blinds us to our TRUTH.

The TRUTH,
THAT WE CAN FLY!

So stop listening to the fear,
Stop bleeding out your power,
Stop allowing this world to steal your glory.

Leap Baby.
LEAP.

And feel the abundance.
Feel the JOY.
Feel the Blessings.

You are WORTHY.

I love you.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

PS – Tomorrow is the day!
Will you be joining me?
I sure the f-ck hope so.
I am so excited about this 10 day experience with you, where we will cover the ten most important areas around getting into soul alignment and creating that F-ck YES! Life that you desire and deserve.

This Facebook Global workshop is focused on alignment asskickery for anyone who wants to leap into their desired life.

Stop F*cking Around has launched and Live training kicks in on July 18th, 2018.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

 

You will not want to miss this event.

Here are some of the thing s that people are saying who have sampled the workshop so far.

” Wow, it is like magic. I accessed the pre-work and instantly felt the changes in my thinking. So powerful.”

“I love your style, you teach and share with such ease, it’s like working with your best friend. I feel like you just get me and where I am at.”

“You make it so easy to just embrace life. I have followed you for years and having this opportunity to work with you is so exciting.”

Stop F*cking Around – 10 days of Alignment Asskickery!
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

 

Grab your spot TODAY and get started on creating that F-ck YES! Life Now.

STOP saying you want it, but NEVER take any solid action to GETTING IT.

STOP bouncing around with ton’s of great ideas, but no clarity as to what you really desire.

STOP making excuses, instead CLAIM your AWESOMNESS.

Do you have a calling that is screaming at you?
Do you crave an authentic, blissed out life?
Do you have ton’s of creative energy but no clue what to do with them?
Do you feel like you have tried all these things but are still just standing at the side lines of your life?

Well ….

The answer is simple.

Stop F*cking Around!
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

 

SIGN UP NOW.
Start living your Truth.
Start Calling in your blessings.
You deserve it.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around

 

Fear Has You By The Ball’s. – Don’t Even Try to Deny It.

If you knew you were limitless what would you do?

 
This is the question that I am batting around today.
I have answered it repeatedly.
I have answered it from a place of fear,
A place of strength and faith,
A place of courage,
A place of cockiness.
However the last few days as I pause in my life to see where I am,
To feel where I am going,
to take notice of my alignment or lack there of,
I find myself asking this question yet again.
 
If I knew I was limitless what would I do?
Who would I be?
What would I have?
 
Tapping into the reality of our limitless potential is one mother f-cking scary thing to do.
 
Just typing this here has my stomach in knots,
I feel the excitement. I feel the joy. I feel the fear, the worry.
I feel all my bullshit of I am NOT good enough coming up.
 
But most of all I feel myself craving it.
 
Yes the last few days I have been blessed with God bringing to me my calling at a deeper level than before. People dance into my life and bring messages of what I am to be doing, whom I am suppose to wo with, what my soul message is.
 
The message of soul is calling so loud these days it is difficult for me to hear anything else.
The issue with soul screaming at me is my own lack of worthiness.
You know that feeling.
You want it but you don’t deserve it.
You want it but your not smart enough,
good looking enough,
compassionate enough,
loving enough,
patient enough.
 
You are not a good enough person.
Who are you to believe that you could ever have that or be that.
 
Yes those feelings.
All stemming back to putting on BIG shoes that you do not feel you can fill properly.
You may be saying, ” Kendal, I am not cut out for these shoe’s. – I am not a leader. I am just a person, an average person who has no message to change the world. “
 
Well, if this is true then you are most likely one f-cking happy person.
You have no pressure from soul to question your reality.
You have no inclination to want for more or be more.
You are feeling comfortable, at peace and love with your chosen career, your chosen world, your chosen relationships and everything. Life is just glorious and you couldn’t ask for more.

 

If that is the case, then CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

We are all happy for you.
Bless you.
 
However, I am betting that this is not the case or you would not be following me or reading this right now.
 
You want more.
You know that more is out there.
You are being called in some fashion to be more.
To stand out and do something.
Something that scares the living sh*t out of you.
 
I understand.
I am there with you.
I sat down today and wrote out my manifestations, I did my daily call in of blessing and I then turned and did some inner work from my mentor. I FINALLY grew the balls to answer some journal prompts she gave me in May that I had been avoiding out of the fear of my own success.
 
I just let my hands write whatever came to them and I felt so much fear rise up in me that I had tears come down my cheeks. My heart started vibrating, my intestines started to churn and felt like I needed to do anything else that would not be this work. I wanted to avoid my truth.
 
I sat there at my breakfast table and got REAL with myself.
 

REALITY CHECK:

Girl you are scared of your greatness.
You are fearful of your power.
 
Fear of looking a certain way.
Fear of appearing too much.
Fear of appearing cocky and self-centered.
Fear of loosing relationships in your life.
Fear of not having enough energy, time or knowledge.
 
Yes I am holding my f-cking self back.
 
That was my wake up call this morning at 10-AM.
 

Well F-CK this SH*T!

If I continue to hold back based on my fear then and ONLY then do I not deserve to have the blessings pour down on me.
 
Then and only then am I accepting failure.
 
God know’s what he is doing.
He is the Alpha and the Omega.
He is the beginning and the end.
He is everywhere and everything.
 
So this calling inside my soul is there because God put it there.
All I have to do is have faith and get into my mother f_cking alignment.
Just allow myself the GREATNESS.
Stop fearing that karma will bite me in the ass if I appear someway that I have been taught is not socially acceptable.
Stop fearing that the people I love and cherish will abandon ship when I get this boat a rockin’.
Stop fearing that I am not limitless but instead crazy.
 
At my core I know that if I want to see my crazy, well I need not look any further than my fear.
 
And what I am fearing ultimately?
I am fearing my greatness.
My limitlessness.
My desire.
My success.
My BIGNESS.
My power.
 
I am fearing my alignment with God.
Taking that leap into the unknown of alignment means that I must open up to HAVING IT ALL.
 
And who am I to believe that I can have it all?
After all, I have f-cked up so much in my life.
I am far from a perfect person.
I am no saint.
I am just a mom, just a woman, just human.
There is nothing GREAT about me.
 
Or so I have been told to believe for years from society.
 
Funny fact is that this “stuff” these sh*t beliefs have never fully been my reality.
God speaks to my heart daily.
I call in his presence daily with my gratitude prayers, with my written word, with my awareness of his messages and guidance in every breath I take.
I truly feel blessed and KNOW that God has my back.
It is ONLY when I doubt it that he seem’s to vanish from my life.
 
So why now do I hesitate?
Why now am I having issues with casting my desires out and commanding them with the spirit of Moses parting the red sea to manifest?
 
Why do I doubt?
 
FEAR.
Satan has a hold of my heart and he has his nasty nails in me. They speak to me from a place that is dark and scary.
They tell me that I will loose.
They confirm that I will be abandoned first by those I cherish, then by society, then by God himself and that I should just not step forward on this path.
 
Yes Satan is there whispering his terrifying messages in my ear.
Pressing in on what I have been told already and telling me that God will be disappointed in me if I shine to bright, because I am no body.
 
I am unimportant.
I am small.
I am not enough.
 
Fingers point to all my failures of the past.
And Satan sits there assuring me that he has my best interest at hand.
That the smartest thing to do is to cower and dim myself.
The world is not a safe place, so I must guard my heart and my light and keep it to myself.
 

WTF!!!!

Why do we listen to this sh*t?

 
Because we fear change.
Because we know the boat will rock and when we are through the transformation we will no longer be whom we were when we got started.
We fear loss of all that we have and are often willing to sacrifice all that we desire to maintain what we have.
We are often willing to sacrifice ourselves even to not loose what we feel so comfortable with in the hear and now.
 
Yes it is fear of nothing but shadow’s that stops us from living our desired life.
 
From being our full potential.

Which is LIMITLESS.

 
I say no to this fear every day.
I see it, I feel it, I witness it’s evil ways,
And I CHOOSE to keep claiming my life.
 
So f-ck off Satan.
F-ck off fear.
You have no power over me.

MY LIGHT WILL SHINE.

 
F-cking bright as hell too.
 
Embrace your light NOW!
Listen to that Call of Soul.
 
God want’s you to surrender to your blessings.
You are LIMITLESS.
If you will ONLY Believe.
 

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

My monkey’s tried to get me laid.

🙊🙉🤭😈 My monkey’s tried to get me laid. 🔥🔥🙊☺️
Only in my world of crazy does this sort of stuff happen.
Only in my world is it allowed,
Embraced and accepted.
 
In truth, It was a day of frustration, what started out to be a productive, good feeling day quickly shifted gears to frustration and overwhelm. Not only was I just in pain physically from pushing my healing body to do more than what it most likely should have, I was also pushing myself emotionally to work through boxes of old energy from my marriage of 20 years and then my next relationship of almost 7 years.
 
Sorting and cleaning a garage full of memories can have its fair share of painful moments.
 
Really dredging up the past and forcing yourself to let go.
See the truth that you once lived,
and embrace your moment now.
 
This was my Monday.
All because the universe proclaimed that my internet wire would get cut from the yard guy and I would be out of online commission until it was repaired. So, I did the next best thing….
 
Was proactive and started sorting, cleaning and putting my house together.
 
After a long and full day of multiple emotions rising to be siphoned through, I was exhausted, smelly 😱 and just wanting to rest, have a glass of wine or maybe something harder, get my munchkins down for bed and yes…
 

Yes,

I wanted a good orgasm.

 
Lucky for me I had this last part already in the works by inviting my lover over for dinner.
 
And planned on having myself and him for desert. 🔥😜🔥🔥
 
Everything was taking longer, except for what I was wanting to take a long time and that was the nakedness in my bed. But no, instead I was blessed with bedtime item’s and simmering down of little one’s taking MUCH longer than wanted, especially since I sat there, needing to pee, needing to shower, and just wanting to relax in my lovers arms.
 
Instead I was blessed with laughter coming from the other room, where my elder children, my friends and my lover enjoyed themselves and joked, connected and made light in the evening hours while I snuggled down my munchkins, smelt my stench and craved to just let go.
 
Breathing in the moment. I felt my ego on the cusp of just screaming.
 
My 21 year old daughter came and offered to help me, I shot her down, and offered her a not very well disguised guilt trip on poor mom’s mood.
 
My friend came and offered to help, I shot her down and offered another ego based comment, sharing that I had it all under control and that it was F-I-N-E.
 
I heard myself saying this bullsh*t,
I wanted the saving,
I wanted the connection,
The help.
I wanted to effing shower!
I wanted to get these babies down so I could laugh,
enjoy my evening some,
get out of my head and into my body,
and get to what I was really craving.
The orgasm between my sheets.
 
But I denied myself the opportunity to have it sooner than I could receive it.
 
I denied my family and friends the opportunity to help me,
to support me.
 
Instead I wanted to sit in my disgust just a little bit longer.
I was punishing myself,
for something I was not even conscious of.
I felt shame.
I felt rage.
I felt depression.

I felt like a total f*ck up to life.

 
I held my son on my lap as he wiggled and fought sleep,
looking at him and wondering how I could have been so stupid to let myself get caught up in yet another bad relationship with a man who claimed all this and that and in a moments notice could shut out everything, everyone and just walk away. In gratitude for the lives of my children, the reasons, the blessings from my relationship, I could smile but in my heart I felt all of this…
 
And I felt shame.
I felt guilt.
I felt lost.
 
So I punished myself in this moment.
I denied support, love, help and orgasm.
I denied God from helping me achieve my goals.
 
My monkey’s on the other hand refused to listen to my ego.
They refused to let me sink to far.
They refused to let mom crash,
my friends were on board with the plan,
my lover was of course on board…lol
 
My monkey’s decided that it was time for me to take care of me and to go after what I not just wanted but NEEDED.
 
So my daughter’s came in and told me to go shower, to get clean, that they had their little brother’s.
A friend got me drink.
My lover provided a smile and sparkling eye’s with a clear intent.
 
I showered.
I shaved. (because that is what girl’s do when they are needing and wanting certain event’s 😈)
 
Clean,
refreshed,
ready,
lighter in spirit,
I emerged.
My little one’s asleep.
Laughter filled my dinning room,
I was now part of it.
I was fully there.
Sharing,
Connecting,
De-Shaming.
 
My monkey’s tried to get me laid.🙊🙊😜😜🙏
They made a plan.
They figured out who was taking over for night time child care,
who would sleep where, so that mom would not have to worry about children. They discussed it, argued about it and laughed.
 
At the end of it,
My monkey’s tried to get me laid,
and were successful.
 
They created the space for mom to go,
Be,
Do,
Have.
 
What I wanted and NEEDED.
With No Shame.
With No Guilt.
In Truth.
In Harmony.
In Love.
 
They knew how badly I needed to just be able to drop down and connect to my lover,
to myself,
to my orgasm.
 
They supported my well being.
 
My monkey’s.
My circus.
My crazy world.
My family tribe.
 
No Shame.
Only Open, Unconditional.
Love.
 
#lovemygrownassbabies
#fuckyeslife
#shamefree
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

God Bless My Ego.

It is one of those days.
One of those days where I find myself wrapped in a cover of doubt. Fear. Overwhelm. Exhaustion.

Uncertainty knocking at my door,
Screaming at me that I will fail.

Screaming at me that there is no f*cking way that I can do this.
Can have this.
Can be this.

My ego parading around in my head taking front row center stage, announcing its victory of kicking me while it perceives I should be down.

It woke me numerous times last night to tell me how shitty I was. To share with me its concerns and fears. To announce to me how everything that I wanted I could not have and how I was not good enough to have it.

My ego.
God bless my ego.

Standing in the shower just moments ago, I found myself being taken on another ego trip.

Feeling like I was scrooge being drug through my life of what had happened, what was happening and what would be.

My ego painted nothing but the most gloomy of pictures.
Assuring me that this was sure to happen.

Telling me that my life would NEVER be what I wanted.
I was for certain not to be HAPPY.
Not to find true LOVE.
Not to HEAL.
Physically or emotionally.
Not to LIVE UNBOUND, full and free.
Telling me that the F*ck Yes! Life that I prescribe too,
PREACH about,
and have been living,
was all a figment of my imagination.

My ego.
God Bless my ego.

Yes it shared with me that ADVENTURE was gone for this lifetime. Only work, work, and more work was in my future.

Yes it shared with me that PLAY was not to be had. Instead it is time to put on my BIG GIRL pants and get serious and STOP desiring play, fun, joy, and bliss.

Yes it shared with me that LOVE was nothing to desire. It does not exist. No one will ever love me. Will ever honor me. Will ever hold space for me. Will ever see me. No, this man does not exist. My SOUL MATCH does not exist. He is a figment of my imagination. I will have to just SETTLE for meeting fragments of him in other men and make due with what I get.

Yes my ego shared that I was stupid.
That I was unhealthy.
That my body now was f*cked up and ugly.
That I looked old, tired, worn out and should just settle for the reality that my light had been squished.

My wings clipped.
Yes it shared that my words, my truth, my message was unwanted and not needed. That it to was stupid, not good enough and silly.

My ego. 
God Bless my ego.

This morning my ego has had a Raging Dance Party in my psyche.

It has been shacking its booty in my face,
Rubbing itself up and down my sides like a horny, drunk person.
It has been pointing its fingers and laughing at my dreams and desires.
It has been taunting me, seducing me and scaring me.

It has been lude, crude and tempting.
It makes its case like the best attorney in court.
Showing evidence of my lack of worthiness.
My lack of FAITH.

Showing me how BAD I have been in life and how I deserve to FAIL.

Yes, my ego.
God Bless my ego.

And F*CK MY EGO!!!!

I watch it dance before me. I hear its serenade.

The reality.
MY REALITY.

Is that a life of EGO is NO LIFE AT ALL.

I know the wolf that is underneath that cloak.
It hungers for my life.
It craves to steal my breath.
It craves to steal my LIGHT.
It tells me my wings are clipped when in FACT my wings are stretched out so far I cannot see their tips.
It tells me I cannot FLY.
That God will not carry me.

My SOUL KNOWS different.
My HEART is CERTAIN of different.

I do not have to look far to SEE the TRUTH.
My TRUTH.

My TRUTH, that is all around me.
Comes through my words.
Through my messages.
Through my energy.
Through the light in my eye’s.

My TRUTH,
that comes through the messages that my TRIBE shares with me.
The vulnerability of not just my expression but that of those I connect with, share with and hold space for.

Yes, my truth.
God Bless my truth.

I will NEVER STOP.
DREAMING.
SHARING.
LIVING.
BELIEVING.

I will NEVER STOP.
LOVING.
OFFERING.
OPENING.
BEING ME.

The ego will try and strip us of our life.
It will try and scare us into submission.
It has tactics that make us feel like we should do this or that.
It will tell us how to be a good person.
It will tell us this is what God wants from you.
It will make us prideful and strip us of our pride all in the same sentence.

None of which is coming from God or our soul.

No.
F*ck the EGO and it’s satanic ways of making us fear LIVING.

F*ck the EGO for attempting to steal our lives and dreams.

Our desires.
Our TRUTH.

I don’t know about you,
But I can tell you that I for one REFUSE to let the EGO LIVE MY LIFE.

This life is mine to live.
This breath is mine to breathe.
This heart is mine to share.

I am Claiming My Life.
Will You Claim Your’s?

Remember,
Stop Existing – Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

The Skinny on the “How To”

Holy Sh*t!

You know these moment’s where you just go WTF am I doing?

Yepper’s that has been me this morning.
God most certainly wants me to acknowledge my perceived need that I have to know the HOW before receiving my DESIRE.

I have picked up on my statement of , how twice so far in a conversation about property investment.

I love the idea of the investment property,
I love the idea of the cash flow that it could bring into my life,
I love the idea of venturing out into this land of real-estate investing.

My logical mind though keeps saying, ” Yeah, yeah, that is GREAT! But how?”

Where is the money to invest coming from?
How can you make an offer before you have all your ducks lined up and accounted for?
How can you say, “Yes let’s do this or that, and NOT yet even have any concept as to the HOW?”

WOW!  OMFG!  WOW.

Is this my brain saying that?

I cannot even BELIEVE I am thinking it and having the negative, doubtful thoughts which are creating my emotional response to follow to it,

But ….

I AM.

So, here is the gig…

The whole real-estate thing is neither here nor there in truth. It can effect my household and over all finances and well-being in that area, but it is not my actual passion, focus or desire. It belongs to someone else that I love and care fore and that I support.

Which makes it really bad that I am being the doubting Thomas in my energy and inquiry, but because I feel partly invested into the impact of what it can do for over all family life and I want this person to have success for themselves, my FEAR is creeping up and letting its negative little head be seen and heard.

SO I can say that I am in this state of needing the HOW –
Because I care so much.

EGO.

That is all ego though.
It is not because I care so much, it is not because I of anything other than my program of feeling like like nothing can happen unless you have a plan for it first.

Funny, because this is not how I run my personal life and business.

No, when it comes to what I am working on or setting as an intention, desire or goal, I JUST GO FOR IT.

Or do I?

Here is my epiphany of this morning….

I have trained myself to think that I am JUST GOING FOR IT, without reservation or need to know the HOW, when in fact somewhere inside of me, my ego is flashing me with “How, How, How!”

The how causes constriction in my being through the introduction of doubt and possible failure.

The how causes resistance to my desired life and outcomes by bluntly saying, “You ain’t gotta freakin’ clue as to the how, so how is it to ever work?”

The how rests itself up on a pedestal and looks down at me and assures me that if I were worthy, then I would KNOW the HOW.

Well, F*CK!!!!!

Now the TRUTH is much different.
The truth smiles and says, “You got this because you are f*cking Bada*s!”

The truth say’s lean in and breath in your desires, your wants and your hopes, they are placed within your heart to be not just chased but received, God put them there for your taking.

The truth get’s itself up under our bums and PUSHES US UP, so that we can meet and match our desires and get ready to open to more blessing.

The challenge is that we are scared of our GREATNESS.

The challenge is that we for more comfort in remaining lost then we do in stepping into our soul calling.

When we face the expression that our soul wants and needs to let be seen, to let shine, it requires us to FEEL.

And feeling is scary, so we say that to feel is to be weak.
We destroy our feelings by covering them with medications, alcohol, addictions of all sorts including work and religion.

And then we ASK,
“Where is my path?”

We say,
” I just feel so lost, so unconnected, disillusioned and empty.”

In order to come back to soul though we have to STOP RESISTING what is right within ourselves.

The message of heart.
The message of emotion.

Or we resign ourselves to ignoring our feelings and emotions and REMAIN a lost soul in this thing called life that we are refusing to LIVE.

So yes, my epiphany for today is just this…

I am guilt of buying the bullsh*t of my ego and still thinking I need the HOW before I step fully into my purpose.

Step fully into my radiance.
Step fully into my light.
Step fully into me soul calling
Step fully into being the BadA*s that I know I can be and that God is waiting for me to Step Into.

I am sharing this intimacy with you.
I am sharing that I am often scared to SAY YES to myself.
Scared to SAY YES to my soul calling.
To my heart.
And LISTEN.
Listen to my emotions, my feelings and to that soft voice deep inside.

You know the one.
the one that you try and bury,
but it will not go away.
The one that keeps sharing your desires.
Keeps sharing your purpose.
Keeps nudging you to Be-DO-Have more!

YES.

You know the one.

I COMMIT to be my BadA*s from here on out.

Do You?

Remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Why You Need To STOP Following Me…NOW!

I am writing this to invite you to STOP following me.

To unsubscribe from my newsletter, my Facebook and anywhere else that you may be checking in on my work.

YES, I am inviting you to say GOOD BYE Kendal.

Here is why.

2018 is a year of you could say transformation, but in truth it is a year of me saying YES to my AUTHENTIC SELF and my desire to be a crusader. My burning passion to speak the words that I have been holding back for my entire life that NOW want to be birthed from my lips and my finger tips. It is a year where you will see me make harsh but loving statements that may push you far past your comfort zones and even giving me the middle finger.

It is a year where you may say, “ OMG! Kendal went and got saved!” – LOL

And perhaps I did.

Or perhaps the possibility is that I am just choosing to allow 2018 to be the year that I STOP standing in the shadow of shame around my spiritual beliefs and desires and what I have come to learn from walking a path of CERTAINTY and opening to the blessings that are all around.

Perhaps, the possibility of 2018 is that my soul can no longer sit still and be quiet and give what society and many of my readers and followers “think” they need or want, where the focus is on sex and how best to stroke a clit or a cock.

Because ANYONE who has ever coached with me or worked with me in any capacity can bear testimony that my teachings are 98% based in CONSCIOUSNESS training NOT sexual skills. 

 

Here is the thing, no matter what title I give myself, I coach the same. I speak the same. I praise the same. I work on the same issues, the same blockages, the same fear based thinking and habits that DESTROY your relationships, your intimacy, your sex, your ability to experience abundance, peace, joy, connection, health and vitality. NONE of this is changing, because it is my calling to help restore consciousness and connection between humankind and the creator ( whatever name you use). The principles and soul technology that I coach on remain the same. It has always been and always will be at the core of what I do and how I live my own life. 

The difference and the REASON you need to STOP FOLLOWING me now, is because I am going to be a base ball bat.

I am NOT going to apologize for stating things the way I know them.

I am NOT going to hold back any longer.

I am NOT going to cower in the ego based fear of how you may receive me or not.

I am NOT going to allow the programs that many of us subscribe too, conquer me another day around how I should look, act, speak, teach,  or coach.

So here is the thing…

IF YOU CHOOSE, to keep following me, you may grow even more discontent with your life and what you have CHOSEN to SETTLE for.

You may get very mad at my emails, my video’s, my conscious coffee’s, my articles, courses, workshops and talks.

You may start to ask yourself tough questions, such as, Why am I not happy?” – ” Why do I never feel truly connected, seen or loved?” – ” What am I really searching for?” – ” Why does my life feel like a chore?” and “Is this really all there is?”

You may start to observe things from a deeper state of calm, where the mind chatter starts to be put to bay.

You may start to truly feel life and yourself.

You may discover an orgasmic life, where you cannot help but smile from the joy coming from deep within.

You may start loving yourself.  Forgive yourself and others.

You may awaken your compassionate heart.

You may actually start seeing the MAGIC in your daily life and OMG! You may actually EXPECT miracles to occur on a regular basis.

You may start living  instead of just existing.

You may awaken one morning and say, ” It is TIME. Time for a change. Time to open. Time to love again. Time to STOP FEARING.” 

Yes, you may do these things, but they will come with the price of having your ego pushed around. Your stubborn thinking patterns rearranged and the mental masturbation practices that you have grown so comfortable with as your truth and logic stripped down to what they really are: ILLUSION.

You see, I am trying to SAVE YOU the heartache of following me any longer. Why fill the space in your email, or on this screen with words that will cause you to QUESTION your reality. Your Thinking. Your heart. Your trust in something greater than yourself.

Why follow someone who believes so strongly in this mission, ” Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Why continue to follow someone who BELIEVES YOU, yes you, deserve GREATNESS.

That is  your natural state of being and that God desires nothing more than to grant it to you.

But FIRST….

You must say GOODBYE.

Goodbye to ego.

Good bye to fear.

Goodbye to doubt.

Goodbye to those things that hold you back.

Goodbye to your disbelief that God wants you to be HAPPY and have what you desire most.

And that maybe your DESIRE,  to JUST be AVERAGE and just get through the next day.

So in that case you may need to say goodbye Kendal….

Because, I want to THRIVE!

I want to call down my blessings. And every day, I am granted the beauty of magical experiences, beautiful people and opportunities. Many reasons to smile. And even more reasons to share my joy. My faith, my life work, my heart and my soul. 

Will you stay or will you go?

I cannot say.

You have free will.

Choose NOW. Because NOW is all you have, all you will ever have. Do not build your life of fear of tomorrow, but on the blessing of TODAY.

STOP Existing – START Living, This coaching is for Grown A*s Believers.