Why can’t you just be happy for me?
Why can’t you just smile and let me live my life?
Why do you have to always try and fix what you deem broken,
Just perhaps its not broken at all.
I get that your intent is not to slice me to the bone.
I get that you have no concept of the shame, the fear, the lack of worthiness that you trigger each time you aim to fix what you think needs fixing.
But honey beware.
Your words are powerful.
although you do not control me.
Ultimately it is my choice to fall prey to your desire for my brokenness,
be warned that these words you cast upon me and others,
be warned that these judgements,
these criticism’s have power.
And even the strongest in nature,
those of us who rebel from the control,
yes even us can be penetrated after time,
with these words of fear.
As time passes and you search for more weakness in me,
as you look for how you can save me,
your words become like Chinese water torture,
like nails on a chalk board.
They make me cringe,
they set me on defense.
They steal away my ability to feel you.
And now I stand here guarded.
Ready to take my punishment.
Now before I even start to share,
before I take any step forward or to the side,
I already hear your words of criticism,
and I know…
I know that no matter what I do,
no matter how turned on I am to my life,
no matter how much in flow and a state of passion I might be,
no matter the creative genius that wants to stem from my core.
I know that in your eye’s I am broken.
I know that in your mind I need to learn.
I know that you see me as this child,
this silly naive thing that needs your saving,
needs your fixing.
And so why bother?
Why even try and speak my truth?
Why try and do anything,
because I already know.
And so I settle into the average and ordinary.
I settle into the surface level relating.
Depth and being seen is too painful.
I feel stupid.
I feel dumb.
I feel ugly.
I feel unlovable.
I feel like no matter what,
it does not matter,
because I am wrong.
Or I will get it wrong.
Or it will be messed up by my touch,
by my words,
it’s just me.
And I should just not be.
Your criticism enables my scarcity mindset!
You enable me to not step up and be all that I can be.
You enable me to fear my power.
You enable me to fear my creative soul.
You enable me to keep hating myself.
You enable me to see all my lack of worth.
You enable me….
AND FOR WHAT?
Do you really believe that your words of judgement will entice me into becoming more?
Do your really believe that you know my calling,
my heart better than I or God?
Do you think that your need to fix me is inspiring?
Because it is not!
And lucky for me…
I will never listen.
And when I feel these chisels from you to cut me down,
to make me fear,
to make me become logical.
Yes lucky for me,
I am a F-CK YOU!
and I will move away.
I will step back.
I will turn around.
I will not listen.
Instead I will laugh.
you are the lost one.
You are the broken one.
You are the one that needs me.
that you will not ever have.
Because the tribe I run too,
is a tribe that is wild.
A tribe that is free.
A tribe that is supportive through love.
Supportive through the building up.
Through the appreciation.
Yes that is my tribe.
And so I encourage you to stop this ridiculous need of cutting down, and finding fault, of looking for what is broken or wrong.
I encourage you to instead step into your power.
I encourage you to look for what makes you happy with me.
What makes you happy with life.
What makes you happy with you.
Because all this criticism although seeming pointed at me,
it is not I that you actually have issue with,
it is not I that frustrates you so,
it is not I who needs your saving…
But it is YOU.
So look in that mirror my dear.
Look closely in your eye,
and tell yourself something positive.
Then continue to speak those words.
Because what you focus on grows.
I love you.
You are worthy.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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But at the end of the day,
It doesn’t f-cking matter either way.
They came into your life for a reason.
This you can be sure
How long someone hangs with you baby,
Well that is upto your spiritual contract with them.
What do I mean by that?
What kind of crazy new age concept is a spiritual contract anyway?
In this instance I am referring to the lessons you gain from the relationship. And EVERY relationship teaches us something.
Its important to realize that we are in relationship WITH EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in our lives too.
So get right with that RIGHT NOW gorgeous.
Those short meetups, hook ups, chatting and getting no where with people that pop through your life and wonder WTF was that about?
Was there to present some lesson or deeper understanding into your life,
Into who you are,
And how you are VIBING.
And when they leave.
You can say it doesn’t matter anyway.
And it doesn’t!
As long as you got from them what you were meant to.
Were you present enough in that relationship,
No matter how short lived it was or not,
No matter the drama,
Did you get your lesson beautiful?
Cuz if you chose to get caught up in the ego of what happened,
and you missed the lesson,
You are going to have to rinse and repeat.
And that’s why you run into the same people over and over again just with a different face,
And when you get caught up in the ego of the loss,
You loose something much more significant and valuable then that relationship.
You loose a piece of you.
When you sit a stare at the people who are unliking or unfollowing you on social media,
When you pay more attention to who is not paying attention to you,
When you wait for the lack of response from that person you went out on a date with,
Or hooked up with,
When you get caught up in the certainly that so and so will apologize or come back,
When you wait….
You loose yourself.
And at the end of your days beautiful,
It doesn’t f-cking matter anyway.
Thier shut down.
None of it matters.
And you deserve so much better.
But here is the thing,
YOU have to allow yourself to have better.
YOU have to stop making yourself available for that shiz.
YOU have to stop resisting your beauty,
And you have to get THAT lesson.
The best is yet to come.
You just have to change what your looking for.
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
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You dishonor who I am.
You dishonor my life.
You dishonor the love I have felt.
You dishonor my choices.
You even dishonor yourself.
And for what?
To proclaim that you are better than,
That you know,
you are more of a man.
You proudly stand before me,
claiming your love.
Never stopping to realize that I have felt a greater love then you can even fathom.
You will never know the love that has captivated my heart,
my soul and carried me into the heavens.
You will never know of it,
or understand it because you refuse to accept that I have ever even been loved.
In your proclamations of how you can show me love.
You can reveal to me how a woman is to be cared for.
What “real dating, courting” is about.
That you, yes you are the gentlemen that knows this better than any other who has ever crossed my path.
As you stand there,
with that glimmer in your eye’s,
with that smirk on your face,
with that smugness in your body,
and you vocalize how it should be.
And how you aim to show me.
You do nothing more than dishonor me.
You state with each word of disbelief,
a declaring that I have never felt anything worth anything,
that I am naive,
and have poor taste in men.
If this is true,
if you truly believe that no man has ever really loved me.
If you really believe that,
then why should I believe that you are any better?
And realize that we all have fears around love and being lovable,
so when you make such assumptions,
in an essence you support this fear that I am just that.
So if I have felt this deep.
If I have opened up in vulnerability to this level,
surrendered my very soul over to another,
smelled of this loves sweetness and been blessed to inhale the intoxicating scent of roses in my love making.
But none of it is true…
Then what possibly could you offer me sir?
You say I was nothing more than a pretty piece on his arm.
You say he wanted me only for my sex.
You say that he had never an intent of going the distance.
You say that he never brought true life experience to me.
You say that he never romanced me properly,
dated me properly.
You say a lot for man that has no clue.
That is blind.
That is making a lot of judgments based on only your own hopes that this is such.
But I will tell you this sir.
I will tell you that you have not a clue.
And because you come at me in such dishonor,
preaching of your love,
trying to kill what I hold dear.
Realize that you will NEVER succeed at killing off this love.
You will never destroy my heart.
your desire to control,
will never compare to that which I hold dear.
I welcome your childish attempts.
They do nothing but strengthen what has always been.
And so I say this loud and true,
please hear me now blind sir,
you have not a chance at ever captivating this heart of mine.
You refuse to listen.
You refuse to truly feel me.
You refuse to accept that in order to come into my heart that you will have to top this love,
and trying to destroy,
or make light of what my soul has felt,
is not the way to penetrate my heart.
But I do assure you,
it is the way out of my life.
You dishonor me with your fear.
You dishonor me with your desire to make me small.
You dishonor me with your hatred of my love.
And so we say goodbye.
I share this intimacy from my heart and soul today to all of you gentlemen and women alike who find a need to discredit someone’s past relationships.
No matter your relationship with someone,
but for sure if you have romantic interest in them,
please take heed to this poem here.
Never try to captivate their heart by attempting to destroy a past love.
This only show’s your weakness.
Instead listen to the sweetness that that love has brought to them,
allow yourself to hear,
learn what another has done and what your lover wants more of.
Do not be foolish enough to believe that because this love they speak of is not present in the here and now,
that it is any less than potentially the love of this person’s life.
Not all love is meant to be held for a life time.
But all love does expand us and transform us.
Never make judgments on another’s heart.
You only weaken or destroy your place in theirs.
Instead be –
And cherish this moment with them.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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