You dishonor who I am.
You dishonor my life.
You dishonor the love I have felt.
You dishonor my choices.
You even dishonor yourself.
And for what?
To proclaim that you are better than,
That you know,
you are more of a man.
You proudly stand before me,
claiming your love.
Never stopping to realize that I have felt a greater love then you can even fathom.
You will never know the love that has captivated my heart,
my soul and carried me into the heavens.
You will never know of it,
or understand it because you refuse to accept that I have ever even been loved.
In your proclamations of how you can show me love.
You can reveal to me how a woman is to be cared for.
What “real dating, courting” is about.
That you, yes you are the gentlemen that knows this better than any other who has ever crossed my path.
As you stand there,
with that glimmer in your eye’s,
with that smirk on your face,
with that smugness in your body,
and you vocalize how it should be.
And how you aim to show me.
You do nothing more than dishonor me.
You state with each word of disbelief,
a declaring that I have never felt anything worth anything,
that I am naive,
and have poor taste in men.
If this is true,
if you truly believe that no man has ever really loved me.
If you really believe that,
then why should I believe that you are any better?
And realize that we all have fears around love and being lovable,
so when you make such assumptions,
in an essence you support this fear that I am just that.
So if I have felt this deep.
If I have opened up in vulnerability to this level,
surrendered my very soul over to another,
smelled of this loves sweetness and been blessed to inhale the intoxicating scent of roses in my love making.
But none of it is true…
Then what possibly could you offer me sir?
You say I was nothing more than a pretty piece on his arm.
You say he wanted me only for my sex.
You say that he had never an intent of going the distance.
You say that he never brought true life experience to me.
You say that he never romanced me properly,
dated me properly.
You say a lot for man that has no clue.
That is blind.
That is making a lot of judgments based on only your own hopes that this is such.
But I will tell you this sir.
I will tell you that you have not a clue.
And because you come at me in such dishonor,
preaching of your love,
trying to kill what I hold dear.
Realize that you will NEVER succeed at killing off this love.
You will never destroy my heart.
your desire to control,
will never compare to that which I hold dear.
I welcome your childish attempts.
They do nothing but strengthen what has always been.
And so I say this loud and true,
please hear me now blind sir,
you have not a chance at ever captivating this heart of mine.
You refuse to listen.
You refuse to truly feel me.
You refuse to accept that in order to come into my heart that you will have to top this love,
and trying to destroy,
or make light of what my soul has felt,
is not the way to penetrate my heart.
But I do assure you,
it is the way out of my life.
You dishonor me with your fear.
You dishonor me with your desire to make me small.
You dishonor me with your hatred of my love.
And so we say goodbye.
I share this intimacy from my heart and soul today to all of you gentlemen and women alike who find a need to discredit someone’s past relationships.
No matter your relationship with someone,
but for sure if you have romantic interest in them,
please take heed to this poem here.
Never try to captivate their heart by attempting to destroy a past love.
This only show’s your weakness.
Instead listen to the sweetness that that love has brought to them,
allow yourself to hear,
learn what another has done and what your lover wants more of.
Do not be foolish enough to believe that because this love they speak of is not present in the here and now,
that it is any less than potentially the love of this person’s life.
Not all love is meant to be held for a life time.
But all love does expand us and transform us.
Never make judgments on another’s heart.
You only weaken or destroy your place in theirs.
Instead be –
And cherish this moment with them.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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Oh love, why do you blame yourself for all that others have going on?
Why do you take responsibility for their emotions,
their happiness, their joy?
Why do you stand there in all your power and let them deplete you so that they can feel stable yet again?
Oh love, this does nothing for you.
And even though it may appear for some split second that you are helping those you care about to be better,
you are not truly assisting them.
You teach them nothing by your soothing of what is not yours to soothe.
And you know at your core how dangerous this soothing can be for your own well being,
and for the relationship as well.
But, it is hard to not try and fix.
It is difficult to say no.
It feels harsh to state the truth,
that it is NOT your responsibility for their whirlwind emotions.
For their ebbs and flows.
Their highs and lows.
Their over thinking and worry.
Sure you can change who you are.
You can say things as that they want to hear.
You can pretend to be a way that is not in truth to your soul.
And you can pretend.
You can be that pretender and give them the “love” that they think is love and think they want from you.
That they deserve,
or that you should do if you truly cared.
Truly loved them.
You could change every facit of yourself to meet the needs of another,
and at the end of your attempts you would discover that they were still lost and now you are too.
And that is all that you would give them.
The loss of who you are.
The loss of your own soul
And you too my love,
would then be like those that want this of us.
Lost, sad and masking.
Afraid to look deep within.
And find what all of us must, ‘if we are to discover our truth,
That my love is the simple, harsh reality.
That no one on this planet is here to please another,
other than the self.
It is not your life requirement,
to be responsible for another’s peace of mind,
happiness or feeling love.
Just like it is not up to them to do this for you.
These things are ONLY found from within.
And until they are found,
by the seeker himself,
deep within the caverns of their own mind and heart,
they will never feel complete,
never feel safe or without worry.
They will continue to question the love offered,
and look for every reason that it is not correct.
Yes my love,
it is the truth of this matter,
that no matter how much you love another,
no matter how much you show up in truth,
no matter how much you give of self,
that you can never heal another.
You can never save them from their own demons.
As false as they may be to you,
these fears will continue to arise,
until they learn how to shine the light into their own darkness,
to soothe their own fears without destroying the world around them,
and embrace that love that they believe they feel for you,
because that love is what is inside awaiting them.
That love for you my dear,
is only a sign of the greatness of love that they have for self once uncovered and embraced in its glory.
And it is this love that must be triggered from within and seen for it’s truth.
It is this peace,
this feeling of bliss and freedom,
that we experience in our relating that we must see for what it is.
It is HERE.
HERE with us always.
It has NOTHING to do with another.
It has EVERYTHING to do with self.
The relationship is but only awakening us to it.
But, we never loose it.
We are never without it.
And we are most certainly never responsible for managing another’s emotional or mental state.
No, my love.
It is not your concern.
It does not mean you are bad.
Or not loving.
It simply means that you hold priority for the most valuable person in your life.
That person who looks back at you from the mirror.
So keep stating your truth.
Keep sharing your heart ,
and your soul.
Never allow another,
no matter how far they crash,
to steal you from yourself,
in hopes of saving them.
You are worth so much love my dear.
You are worth all that you carry in your heart.
A thousand lifetimes worth.
So step forward in faith my love,
Step forward and keep CLAIMING YOU!
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Love Hurts Some Days.
“My chest hurts.
It is tight and full.
It is harboring a pain that I do not want to feel.
It is this haunting level of fear.
I sit here staring into the fire,
with a prayer in my mind,
with uncertainty in my being.
And a sensation of knowing.
Not the sort of knowing that any of us want to have.
No a knowing that something is wrong.
My gut is in knots.
My back is tense.
My chest feel like it is being stabbed.
The burning of flames that I am lost in mediation will do nothing more than give visualization to the tremendous amount of heated pain that I feel. “
This was my journal entry just yesterday.
The shocking reality that I was hit with through the last week of my life was just how deeply I cared for someone that I have been resisting.
And the beautiful opportunity that has been presented to me to heal my own heart and also another’s yet again in this saga I call my life.
Love f-cking hurts some days at a level that we cannot fathom. It grabs a hold of us sometimes in a flicker, makes us warm and full of butterflies. Then at other times is creeps its way in and lingers in the shadows of our doubts and fears only to make itself known when the feeling of true loss rises up. Then we are given the chance to confront our feelings, to step into the love and to vocalize.
Once vocalized we are then given yet another opportunity for growth and love to expand even more.
We are given the opportunity to stand in it.
Yes to stand in the love and NOT run from it.
This can be one of the scariest experiences.
Because we have to come into the reality that we are feeling something. That we have a true fear of loosing this person in our lives and that it is okay to feel it.
The fact that this triggers us in such a fashion is evidence that it is doing healing work on past wounds around love, abandonment and unworthiness.
Everyone wants to be loved.
Everyone wants to be cherished.
Everyone wants to be felt, seen, heard.
And everyone desires for someone to just simply give a shit enough about them to miss them.
I don’t do a lot of missing people personally.
I live pretty unattached, letting everyone I care for and love live as they need and without me impressing my needs upon them too much. I aim to be strong enough in myself to not necessarily need anyone to fill me, but instead to add to the fullness I already have.
I love deeply.
And as a I was just sharing with a lover the other day, those who love me deeply back and I share a level of full being intimacy with and unconditional love with will NEVER leave my heart. I will forever be in love with them no matter how the relationship evolves.
This is where the unconditional aspect comes into play.
It is based from not needing anyone, but instead accepting the gift of their love and giving the gift of our love back.
Because that is what love is : A GIFT.
And it cannot be forced.
It cannot be made to happen according to how we perceive it needs too.
It is just a gift that is given over time and within a second.
It is just a gift that can only be felt when we are truly present with our own hearts enough to experience the offering of another’s.
Yet we lock ourselves up in these neat and tidy little boxes.
We hide from our hearts out of the fear of getting stung by love.
We fear that what we want to gift will not be reciprocated or appreciated and even worse that we are not worthy of being gifted it back.
This is nothing more than triggers of past hurts keeping our emotional armor up and preventing us from opening to the gift.
Love it offers us pain and pleasure.
It teaches us about our depths,
it teaches us about our darkness,
and it shows us our light.
I have been sitting with multiple things the last few days based on a love scenario.
As I sat without knowing if my love was safe, was well or where they were in this world I found myself first and foremost deeply concerned for their well being. I questioned myself about any feelings of past abandonment creeping in and I was a hard core no to that as I trust this persons integrity pretty firmly. When I leaned into my heart and into my core ( my genitals as I reefer to them as my GPS a.k.a intuition) I felt that this was not a goodbye or a run away but something dealing around well-being. So I focused on that concern. Feeling helpless, I chose to investigate as much as I could and to try to get the answers I needed to set my mind and heart at peace.
God would soon come to my rescue as usual.
Gifting me with a confirmation of life.
Once solved I found myself now dealing with an old belief and wound around worthiness of love, around abandonment and around my expectations on my relationship.
Stepping back away from the ego based thoughts and just witnessing them do their dance of chaos. Today has been breathtaking and filled with personal growth to say the least.
Because that is all that is happening.
My thoughts have decided to join a circus and put on a show for me, begging me to take part in the main ring.
Yet, if I do what I know is right and just lean back into my heart, my core ( my genitals as I reefer to them as my GPS a.k.a intuition) I regain my truth. And the truth is that I love this person and I do not need them to love me back. I do not need them to show up in any special fashion. I do not need them to do anything other than be who they are. The person that I fell in love with a few years ago. And what my GPS system is confident of is that no matter where the relationship evolves to, sharing my love and basking in theirs has been a GIFT.
So yes, love hurts on some days.
It can give us the greatest of pleasure and the worst of pain.
It reveals to us all side of our personality and ego.
But if we allow it to truly penetrate us.
To truly conquer us what we are gifted is far greater than what anything else will ever provide.
What we are gifted is an expansion in self.
A revealing of our truth to our core.
To our soul level.
And we are gifted a union with the divine.
Here in the space of true unconditional love we meet ourselves and learn that through the presence of love we have everything that we will ever need and we never need look any further than our own back yard.
For all that we crave resides right here within.
It is in our acceptance of self that we embrace this world and love deeply those whom we share it with.
I love you.
Stop Existing & Start Living
Success happens with in the small things.
The small things is what makes all the difference,
because the small things are actually BIG mother f-cking things.
Have you noticed this?
I sure have luv.
I am sure that you have noticed how you can focus in on all these BIG ass boulders and you can spend your life trying to push those damn boulders up the mountain you are climbing,
with little to no movement,
then you do thi sone little thing,
that seem’s like nothing really.
It’s a no-duh sorta thing even,
it’s a thing that you wonder,
“Why did I never think of that?”
and you do it,
and it MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Yes success happens with in the small things.
Failure happens in the small things too.
You may understand this one a bit better.
Think about the relationships that you have had that have failed.
Was it big things or a pile up of small things that destroyed the intimacy,
even the love?
It was the small things , right?
They seem so small
and so unimportant often.
They appear as though they should be easy to move through,
to conquer even.
And we most certainly should get over them quickly.
Small things are small hurdles after all.
And they are!
They are IF,
we let them be just that,
and we are proactive about discovering them,
and doing whatever it is that we need,
to clear the small hurdle.
Often this means,
And in the land of success,
and moving those boulders with ease,
you have to be willing to look into things that are in your shadow,
into things that you may already be doing, ‘but are not doing where,
or exactly how you need to be doing them.
These sort of things, are the things that can take you from zero to 60 in under a minute flat.
These sort of things,
can make or break you.
The issue always come’s back to realization of them,
and how we choose to perceive them.
It comes back to ego.
It comes back to heart.
It comes back to alignment.
What feels good,
and yet pushes your comfort zone.
The answer though is always in it feeling good.
Anything that does not feel good will create a low vibe in you and create chaos and destruction.
NEVER EVER do that which you “think” you should do for anyone else, if it makes you feel bad in shape.
Especially if it scares you ass it may be dangerous,
it may cause some emotional or psychological issue within you, such as shame. Or it leaves you with a feeling of bitterness or fear of loss if you don’t do it.
This is not following your joy.
This is not alignment.
This is not jumping over a small hurdle to some success of moving that boulder up the mountain.
It most certainly is not.
Instead this sort of pushing through will add other boulders to your process and prevent you from success.
So put simple,
Just don’t do it.
It is okay to be selfish and say no to something or someone,
as saying now is saying f-ck yes,
And being a f-ck yes to yourself will keep you high vibing!
Guess what luv,
saying yes to yourself at all cost,
is one of the most important small things you can do too.
It is the one small things that is the BIGGEST thing you can ever do to get that boulder up the mountain with ease.
But it will take courage.
It will take compassion for self first.
It will take passion,
and it will take a hell of a lot of self- love.
But YOU ARE WORTH it.
So focus in on the small things that will make all the difference today.
Focus in on the self-love that you have been denying yourself.
Focus in on the things that make you feel high vibe, make you laugh, make you smile.
Focus in on the small things as they are not small at all,
they are the BIG things.
And your success is going to totally rock out of the ethers because of these things.
Just say yes.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
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What are you holding on for?
Why won’t you just simply let go and let it flow?
It really is not that difficult.
No, there you are fighting it.
There you are hanging on because you cannot let go.
You say that you are in flow,
you say that you got this alignment thing down.
You say that you are feeling good about it.
Don’t be trying to fool the world,
cuz’ the world sees you.
You know how you are seen?
Through the eye’s that you see yourself with,
this is how the world sees you too.
It’s in your walk,
it’s in your talk,
your body language,
how you sit,
how you shake hands,
the faces you make,
the tone of voice you have.
You think no one can see that constriction?
Let’s be real,
let’s have some respect for each other and self here,
and just state the facts.
You are scared that if you let go,
and let life catch you,
that you just trust that God has your back,
that you will fall.
That you will fail.
That you will die somehow.
You feel the pain,
the suffering right now,
from this fear.
I mean look here it is the day after Thanksgiving,
it’s the coming of the end of the year.
The holiday’s are upon you,
the demands are many,
the fininances required to make it through the next 30, 45, or 60 days is massive.
You have choices.
You can go into debt some more,
you can just say,
“No, I am broke, I can’t.”
You can ignore the whole damn thing and drink,
or you can figure out a way to make sh*t happen.
And you want to make sh*t happen.
You want to have a killer holiday season.
You don’t want it to be last year,
or the last ten years.
You want it be fantastic.
You want to wake up on Christmas morning to the faces of your loved one’s and feel good,
you want to experience the love,
You want to feel proud.
But what will it take?
What will it cost you?
Yeah, all of that is true.
The real cost though is not these things.
The real cost is something far greater.
The cost is why you are not doing it yet.
Why you feel that tugging in your gut,
that constriction in your chest,
the reason why you are not sleeping so well,
the reason why you are drinking more,
the reason you are distant,
That is the reason.
That is the THING.
And you know the THING.
The THING that is bringing you the suffering.
That premature suffering for things that have not manifested yet.
Yeppers, that is it.
So why are you giving yourself,
your life to this THING?
Oh you say you have too.
You say that if you let go of that THING that you would perish for sure,
you say that focusing in on this THING is what is going to guarantee you not to experience it?
Whatever you say.
And with that we have the truth.
It is whatever you say,
In your own f-cking head.
Yes, that is what shall be.
And what are you saying?
Oh, you are worried about that THING are you.
That beast that you have yet to come up against.
That event that will take you out,
well NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!
It already has destroyed you.
Look at you.
You are stressed out to the max,
and all over that THING that has not happened,
and guess what most likely an 80% + chance that it won’t ever happen either.
But it has already knocked you down.
Because you are sitting around agonizing over IT.
So STOP that Mother F-cking Sh*t,
and LET GO.
go DO-BE-HAVE the life that you know you crave.
It is all up to you.
It is all up to where you choose to apply your focus.
You want the glass to be half empty,
then so be it.
And you know what that will get you…
the same thing you have been suffering through already.
You can opt to look at all that you have,
all the blessings,
all the joys,
all the love,
all the abundance.
It is all over you.
If you will just open up to it.
So change that stinking thinking,
and EMBRACE your TRUTH.
The CHOICE is up to you,
It always has been.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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The comment that rings loud to me from today is, “You can see who is in integrity. You cannot manifest over $22k overnight if you are not!”
Yes this comment.
So true is the statement that I knew I had to share it.
If you question WHY things are not happening for you in your manifestation process,
look no further than your integrity.
Integrity is key.
It is integrity with soul.
It is integrity with God.
And it is integrity with the world around us and the people in our lives.
We cannot manifest at the levels of blessing that we are intended to out of integrity unless we do so with a darkness attached which will only posses us somewhere down the road.
And cast ill karma onto our lives.
If you want clean manifestation that comes with ease and massive flow,
then you must not try and by pass the key component of integrity.
You must stand clear within yourself.
Clear within your relations with others.
You must listen to your soul and stop the actions of ego.
It may seem like it would be an easy thing to do.
all you are being asked to do is to stand in your own truth and speak it. Act it. and show up for and in it.
But the reality is that we humans love drama.
We are addicted to drama.
And we bask in our suffering.
It may sound sick,
and it is.
However, it still is human nature to do just this.
So we create our stories,
we share our tales,
and we devour the attention they bring us.
never realizing that we are sacrificing all of our dreams and desires,
our souls mission,
for this fraction of “feeling alive” through self created drama for attention.
Sad but true.
Many a time,
we find ourselves acting from the place of our inner fearful, self-centered bratty twelve year old state.
We throw our fit.
We beg for understanding.
We stop and we demand.
We point fingers in blame.
And we tell more tales in hopes of gaining a compassionate ear.
Weaving these tales until we can no longer find ourselves,
we continue on this spinning drama cycle where when we finally stop to breathe,
we meet reality.
The harsh back hand of reality swings over our lives and screams for us to wake up.
Our world has crumbled.
We are in the wreckage alone.
The power is still ours.
It has always been ours.
But we must face our addiction,
we must put down the need to feed on the drama.
If we ever want the opportunity to manifest the blessings that God wants for our lives.
Here we stand.
Here we weep.
Here we must come,
battered and bruised from the wounding of the drama we self- inflicted and the lessons we refused to handle in love and grace.
The answer has not changed.
The answer still remains.
Integrity is key.
Standing strong in it we create our blessings.
We manifest our desired life.
Our F-ck Yes Life!
And we smile.
Without it we fall.
Our world crumbles with every touch of our hand.
And we weep in not understanding.
Not understanding that all we ever had to do was be in our truth,
step into our soul alignment.
And live from here.
Will you step into it with me?
Will you embrace your self blessing power?
Or will you turn away and continue to wonder why?
Stop Existing & Start Living
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I will be sharing mind shift strategies that I have adapted through the years to manifest the Freedom Based Life that I now live today.
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Embrace Your Power – Claim Your Life
“5 Step’s to a Freedom Based Life”