The Benefits of Self- Pleasure

masturbation1I dislike the term “masturbation,” which comes from the Greek root word to “self pollute.” I prefer self pleasuring. Only through self pleasuring can we discover what our bodies are capable of and what really pleases — or pleasures — us. Without that knowledge, we can never let our partners know what we want or what we need to be pleasured by them.

Historically, the United States Patent Office has had over 900 applications for anti-masturbation devices for men. One of those devices even included sandpaper gloves which were meant to prevent nocturnal emissions in young men. Conversely, with the exception of chastity belts, there are few devices to prevent female masturbation – the thought being, of course, is that women neither masturbate nor enjoy sex. YES, THEY DO!

The only things preventing women from enjoying a pleasurable sexual relationship are lack of knowledge of their own bodies; partners who are poorly educated in female pleasure or who simply refuse to give up control; and/or an unwillingness or inability to communicate what they want or need from partners. With self pleasuring, women can acknowledge all orgasms before climax and bring that knowledge to their lovemaking with their partners.

The dichotomy is that we are told not to touch “down there.” As old myths fall we now know that self pleasuring is healthy and constructive. It enhances pleasure when intimate with a partner and adds to mutual pleasuring. YES, it’s ok to reach “down there” and assist a partner in pleasuring you.

masturbation2Some experience their first, and often multi, orgasms with the aid of a vibrator. Pleasure devices have been around since ancient times such as Ben Wa balls, which are now replaced with cordless vibrators. The use of a vibrator to explore one’s body for pleasure is recommended; however, it is never a replacement for lovemaking. One person said they didn’t want a vibrator because “it’s not warm and it doesn’t hug me.” The key point is the more you know about your body, the more pleasure is available to you, and your partner as well.

For men, self pleasuring allows for extended erections and delay of orgasms. Often vibrators extend lovemaking and avoid premature ejaculation. Simply by stroking without allowing ejaculation, men can learn to last longer and longer in their lovemaking.

Although couples can pleasure themselves in front of each other as foreplay or as a learning experience, self pleasuring is different. It is the only time you get to make love to someone you really love — no one can pleasure you like you! Even as you tell your partner how to pleasure you, and he or she pleasures you, it is different. Not better, just different.

Have fun, explore, be pleasured!

Author’s Bio:

Nationally renowned author, teacher, lecturer and inventor Dr. Stuart Bloch, DD, PhD, ChT is one of the nation’s leading experts on sex and sexual relationships. He is the founder of The Institute for Sexual Awareness (www.isasex.org), a research and educational trust whose purpose is to educate people to have more pleasure and satisfaction in relationships. This article is based on Dr. Bloch’s new book, “Conversations with the World’s Greatest Lover” found on Amazon.com.

Monkey See; Monkey Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am!

Why Show-N-Tell Sex Ed?

Why Live demo’s?

Why offer hands on training?

This is all to TABOO!!!!

Monkey See; Monkey Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am!

hm_george_5-206x300

It’s one thing for sex educators to talk about sex or show you pictures and graphs on a projector screen. It’s another thing entirely when sex educators show you how to do something, and invite you to ask questions… Especially when it’s not demonstrated on a piece of fruit, but on a real, live person!

Human beings are very much wired with a “monkey see, monkey do” mentality. Many of us learn best by watching. Because we are not allowed to learn about sex from watching others, our culture has turned to porn for tips and tricks in the sack.
With the ease and proliferation of free porn on the interwebs, now more than ever, porn is influencing how we behave behind closed doors (or in the back seat of our parent’s SUV). The problem with porn, in my opinion, isn’t that people are watching it; it’s that people are using porn as a How-To medium.s are very much wired with a “monkey see, monkey do” mentality. Many of us learn best by watching. Because we are not allowed to learn about sex from watching others, our culture has turned to porn for tips and tricks in the sack.

Watching porn isn’t the same as watching a qualified sex educator role model great communication techniques, ask permission, check in with their partner, get verbal permission from them before touching them, and then properly put a condom on while encouraging the spectators to ask questions.

There are several things when it comes to helping people learn about sex that are actually more easily learned if I show you the technique on a living, breathing human being and you can watch and ask us questions – an audience gets to see what “real sex” looks like. They can pick up the subtle nuances that aren’t always visible in pornography’s tightly choreographed and edited product. The more real the sex, the easier it is to grasp and transfer that feeling good and being respectful and safe has little to do with DD breasts, 12-inch cocks and squirting orgasms.

Yes, it’s a bit unorthodox by today’s standards to invite adults into a room to learn how to be a better lover by watching explicit, live demonstrations, but the simple fact is that even just talking openly about sex and intimacy in an honest and vulnerable manner is not the norm. There is so much work to be done! And there aren’t a lot of sex educators teaching explicit workshops.” — Reid Mihalko

Show-N-Tell Sex Ed

Learn to feel your partner or any lover in a way never experienced before. These workshops are designed to help answer your most sensual questions. Each workshop is designed for Single’s or those in a relationship.

 

“This could not have been a better Event and Demo. It was given with both sensitivity and information enabling me to be much more loving, respectful and talented with the woman I am with in the future. Great Thanks, Alexander, Kendal and Sharon” — Sandy from Dallas (Dec.2012 Female Genital Massage Demo Workshop)

bikini_line_shaver

Over the course of my career as a Sex & Relationship Coach, Tantra Teacher I have explored many away to help my clients better grow in understanding, overcoming blockages, shame, fear, judgement’s, body image issues, relationship issues and pitfalls, and many intimate sexually related problems as well as learning how to manifest a life that they desire and deserve to live in total bliss and abundance.  One of the most powerful events as a teacher is to see your student/client excel and reach past the boundaries that they thought they had to remain fearful off. To see someone achieve their dreams in life and live abundance in ALL ways not just one idea of it.

Show-N-Tell Sex Ed allows for barriers to be pushed, questions to be answered and understanding at a much deeper level to unfold through the experiential exercises and Live Demo’s provided in a workshop. The expansion that participant achieve is unlike no other. It is a perfect solution as well to those who want to explore but are not ready for one-on-one bodywork or even a couple’s session. The ability to view and possible do some hands on learning opens gateways of education. Although Show-N-Tell Sex Ed is still a taboo for many people in society I think an easy to digest way to look at it is through the artists eye not the pornographic eye.

Anyone who takes a college art class would not be surprised or feel it taboo to have a live nude model come in to the classroom for all the students to view and draw or mold a piece of art after. This is a NORM in the classroom, just as with many educational practices for doctors to view, handle and even explore on a nude or partially nude model. I mean do you really think that a Gyno just learns out of a book and from some video’s? No, hands on learning, show-n-tell experiences, this is where the true are of education and understanding happens.

” I did not know it was possible for a man to have a full body orgasm and not come. This workshop taught me techniques that I never knew about in all of my love-making history. Thank you Kendal and Alexander.” — Debbie (Jan. 2013 Male Genital Massage Demo Workshop)

penis-enlargement-exercise

 

Why is it that we as a society believe that we don’t need a deeper understanding of one of the most intimate, important and powerful parts of our lives as humans? Why do we put our sexuality and loving on the back burner? Why do we think a book is the only way to expand our sexual understanding? And  who really believes that there is some set format to learning about these intimate matters of our human experience?

No matter where you are in the world if you have the opportunity to explore a Show-N-Tell Sex Ed Workshop from a Coach/teacher DO!!!! Your life will only improve as well as your love skills!

 

Let the Artist of your bedroom out to play TODAY!!!!

-KW

 

Extra Relationship Energy – By Janet Kira Lessin

1man2womenEarlier this month while Rose, my female lover, furiously rode my husband during a love-in, my body felt that old familiar pain in my gut and my heart once again. I silently collapsed in defeat. Jealousy! When will I ever be done with that ‘ol green-eyed monster?

“I can’t ever possibly compete with that,” I thought as I watched them, peeking between my fingers. “They’re so involved; so wild in their passion, they don’t even notice me and how miserable I feel!”

What chemistry do they experience when they feel that wildness, connection, joy? It looks like, but no, it couldn’t be could it? Could it be … NRE–new relationship energy?

Wait a minute here. My husband had been involved with Coyote and Rose for about 15 years! This was not a new relationship by any means. I met Sash, moved in with and married him. A month later, he introduced me to his lovers, Coyote and Rose. So, if anything, Sasha and I are the ones who possibly still have NRE, not Sasha and Rose!

But here it is, obviously, an energy that is still there for them after all these years.

I had been in two long-term monogamous relationships, 12 years each, spanning 24 years of MY adult life. I know how sexual excitement fades, how lovemaking becomes routine, stale, perhaps even boring. In those monogamous days of my life, I contemplated that “swingers” probably maintained the excitement in their love life by bringing that new, novel energy back home to their beds.

And what of my observations of Sasha and Rose, long, long time lovers? Their energy “felt” to me like NRE. I was jealous. Does he have something different with Rose and not with me-his wife, his buddy, his companion, his lover, his confidant? Perhaps there is a “key” here. What do they have together that Sasha and I don’t have?

Could they be so passionate because they don’t live together? Could it have something to do with the frequency of their encounters? And if there is a different energy for those who are infrequent lovers, perhaps we need to coin yet another phrase?

How about ERE? External Relationship Energy? Extraneous Relationship Energy? Extramarital Relationship Energy? Perhaps OPE: Outside Primary Energy?

Familiarity breeds contempt, doesn’t it? My husband and I counsel couples, triads and moresomes, so I’ve heard all the stories. I’ve also read hundreds of emails and had hundreds of emails, chats and instant messages from people bored with sex with their mates. Many complain “My wife (or husband) won’t make love with me anymore.” The neglected mate often goes out and cheats and feels justified for their actions. “We started out so passionate, so in love. What happened?”

What I think happens is we pent up resentments. Pent-up resentments create distance in our relationships. We always create resentments; we can’t help it. When we’re primary lovers with someone, we inevitably resent them.

We resent our lovers because we’re in the thrall of negative bonding patterns–repeated sour interactions fueled by our childhood conditioning. We react to our lovers as though they were our mothers, fathers or siblings.

We and our partners are imago mates, deeply imprinted, desired soul mates who complete each other, who give touch, sensitivity, intimacy and respect we still need but didn’t get (the way we wanted) from parents. The catch to lovers who could heal our hurts with parents is that our lovers could disappoint us again if they don’t do better than Mom and Dad. Our imago mates resemble our caretakers–not necessarily physically–but emotionally, psychologically and energetically.

Our imago mates mirror us, reflect our disowned subpersonalities, our inner voices. They show us disowned aspects of ourselves we need to use to center ourselves. They mirror underdeveloped parts of our humanity; they do this by what they do or how they are that we envy or hate.

Here’s how this operates for me and Sasha. He snaps at me because he’s scared ex-wife Joan will get our house. He’s upset by that but snaps at me. He morphs into an irritable father. I become withdrawn daughter, then angry mother. He reacts as rebel adolescent. We stick in a parent/adult/parent/adult vicious cycle till we center ourselves, apologize, reconnect and make love wholeheartedly again.

Sometimes partners find that though they forgave each other verbally, resentment lurks within and eventually kills sexual desire. They create internal scoring systems. She hits the “One Too Many Resentments” button and they separate.

We overcome our difficulties and survive in our relationships, react less to our lovers’ predicaments, and learn new ways to enrich ourselves by learning from our lovers. We learn, grow and appreciate our mates more. How do we prevent resenting the heck out of one another over time? How do we keep that passion of NRE or infrequent relationship alive in our primary pair bond?

I suffered jealousy for days; I ranted at Sasha. I penned a 7-page “hate” letter to Rose! (how dare she, that Bitch!). I analyzed my reactions with Sash and Rose when they came over. We’d focused on pleasing them and showing them a good time. But we lost feeling of being connected to each other. I resolved to return to Sasha during water and bathroom breaks. We’d bring each other the passion we’d just shared with our Rose and Coyote. We’d keep returning to each other. Sash enthusiastically agreed.

I keep communication lines wide open with Sash as loving, tactful and honest as I can. We stay orgasmic, follow our tantric practices twice daily, we can also enjoy sexual diversity and simultaneously keep linked to each other. Then we bring the electricity of other loves to each other.

Janet Kira Lessin: Original Post No Longer Available

DOUBLE PENETRATION: A PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT by Janet Kira Lessin

tantricloveWhen you experience, as I did, two or more of your male poly lovers simultaneous entering you in tantric oneness, you open your inner stargate, touch the face of  God and remember your source. As you embrace two or even three magic wands, the  lingams (as we call penises) with your most sensitive inner sensual shrines, you  feel ecstasy, get total personal and transpersonal recall. You drop concepts of  physics, science and religion and instead zoom, as your multidimensional self,  through space and time. You and the beloveds entering you merge with divinity,  source of all inchoate forms. Home, you experience everything everyone told you  as illusion and, at the same time, truth.

.

I had my double penetration satori the third night at a month-long love-in Sasha  and I hosted for nine lovers (five women and four men) on Maui. We’d filled half  our spacious living room with colorfully-covered mattresses. Two of the women  were new to us, but we’d vetted them carefully and knew we’d go deep with them.

.

Awkward at first, all nine of us eased into nude housekeeping and, by the third  evening, lovemaking.

.

Up to that third evening together, I’d shared some tantric breath, fondling,  kissing and genital honoring with some, but I mostly made passionate love with  Sash. We nine morphed from one kamasutra-like sexual configuration to the next.

. As Sasha lay on his back, I lowered myself onto his wand. We held each other’s gaze, then tongue-kissed; our tongues stroked sacred erotic sectors in each  other’s mouths.

.

As I opened my cave and took him inside, hugging his wand with my yoni (vagina),  I again got who Sash and I truly are: ancient lovers in modern form. I saw, in  the mirror, my tiny, porcelain-like body draped over his deeply tanned athletic  form.

.

As we moved our pelvises in our eternal rhythm, Sash delicately tapped, then probed my rosebud (as we call the anal opening) with his finger, preparing me  for delights to come. My amrita (female ejaculate) flowed and we sang out in  the rising momentum of our lovemaking.

.

Then new hands, not Sasha’s, reverently caressed my bottom. I turned and saw  Woody–our beautiful slender, blond, long-time lover ask me with his eyes to  join us. “Yes, please,” I invited.

.

double-vaginal-penetration-1_1I leaned forward, breasts against Sasha’s chest. Woody, from behind me, eased  his wand to where Sasha and I joined genitals. I opened  my amrita-lubricated  yoni to let Woody’s wand snuggle in, a millimeter at a time, next to Sasha’s  Both lingams fully inside, I squeezed my pc muscles on them and they both  swelled within me. I felt the electricity of Woody’s and Sasha’s wands against each other as both gradually expanded deeper into me. I quivered as waves of  bliss radiated from my yoni where my guys’ penises pulsed. Waves of bliss  became a continuously pulse of pleasure for all three of us as Sasha and Woody’s penises reached my A- spot, the erogenous area next to my cervix. The  three of us lost our separate self-senses, experienced triadic consciousness.

,

I’d heard that some sages achieve pure grace, but never believed I could while  alive. But here I was in continuous euphoric bliss, one unending Oneness.

.

Allness engulfed not only Sash, Woody and me, but also the others on our giant  mattress. All nine of us shared this divine space and joined our sacred worship  of the magnificence of the Universe. I felt the cosmos open. Floor, walls,  ceiling, all physical things dissolved. We nine shed the time/space continuum  and stood in the stars. The void embraced us, absorbed us in the magnificence of creation and simultaneous stillness. Even the solar winds paused to hear the  divine prayer in the form of our loving congress. All that there is, was and  will be witnessed us as we reunited with Source. I was the orgasm, the  orgiastic energy, the divine spark that created us all.

.

You too can use group synergy, tantric lovemaking, polyamorous merging and  multiple penetration to achieve the state of pure Sex Magick necessary to take  women to this divine state needed to heal the world. With the intention of pure  love and respect for life and all consciousness, we can shift the Morphogenic  Field and create higher love and light. Together we stop war, pollution,  overpopulation, disease and hunger. Our natural state is loving oneness.

.

Multiple loving allows us to feel oneness and is instrumental in providing Earth  and all her peoples a civilized civilization that respects all life. Through  our love, we give every one of us the peace, love, dignity and grace we deserve.

.

****.

Excerpt from Janet’s book: POLYAMORY, MANY LOVES: The Poly-Tantric Lifestyle

Between the Sheets: When one boyfriend just isn’t enough

DoublePenetrationNoJeansWe’re getting into our 20s — that time society deems suitable for graduating college, getting a good job and settling down with a partner. Just one, and preferably of the opposite sex. Just one partner to meet your social, sexual and emotional needs until the day you leave this earth.
Is it just me, or is that a little daunting?

Monogamy is sold to us everywhere we go — in the media, in the Bible and in our own households. The pairing of man and woman is, to some, the glue that holds our nation together.

But with the United States marriage rate at an all-time low of 51 percent (compared to 72 percent in 1960), it seems our generation is reconsidering its commitment to monogamy. In its place, a few alternative lifestyles have come to light — everything from cohabitation to civil unions to eternal spinsterdom. I’d like to introduce a relationship structure I find particularly intriguing and under-reported — polyamory.

Polyamory, according to Polyamorous NYC, means participation in long-term, romantically committed, multiple-partner relationships. For example, two women and two men all date one another. Each group member involved carries on romantic and sexual endeavors with whichever other group member he or she chooses, provided the person has the full consent of the group before the act is committed. They aren’t swingers or polygamists — just little clusters of folks all around the country for whom one partner is not enough.

A 2009 Newsweek article speculates there are more than half a million polyamorists living in the U.S., and they’ll be rising to the mainstream in the near future. There are now blogs, non-fiction books, Showtime specials and match-up networks dedicated to polyamory.

mfm-kissingDr. Kenneth Haslam, poly-activist and author of “The Twelve Pillars of Polyamory,” attributes the emergence of polyamory to a human need for variance. Take, for example, a long-term couple in which only one party is interested in bondage. Does the interested party repress that desire in an effort to preserve the sanctity of their monogamous relationship? Or does the person work with his or her partner to find a solution that’s acceptable to everyone? Perhaps a solution involves the consensual incorporation of an outside party.

You might think embracing this idea means sacrificing the unconditional love and trust one builds from sharing a life with another human. And maybe it does. But there are a large number of people out there, including former French first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who have declared monogamy doesn’t work for them. And if you’re one of those people, it might be time to look into something a little further from the beaten path.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not discrediting monogamous relationships. I, too, have apron-donning, childbearing, husband-loving fantasies about my future self. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t inform ourselves about the alternatives. Doing so on a wide scale will foster the eventual acceptance of polyamory — and similar lifestyles — into the mainstream. Experts say that after the battle for gay marriage is won, the battle for multiple partner marriage could be next. So suit up and keep your mind and eyes open as we ride into 2013.

By TONYA STARR in The Daily Midwestern

When do I get my pump, pump, oooh, goo? by Scott B.

bodygoodRecently I came across a post in a discussion group by a male who was expressing confusion and frustration on focusing on his pleasure.    His question was also how to focus on his pleasure and hers at the same time     There are many different ways that this can be answered.    What I believe the core of the problem to be is more widespread than just the pleasure question.

In my experience there is a belief, by males, that there is no difference between orgasm and climax.    This is not true, we are never taught the difference, because talking about sex is considered taboo.    So let’s strip away the taboo and deal with the concept of orgasm does not equal ejaculation.   You can experience orgasm without climax, you can experience climax without orgasm.  In my mind and experience the former is preferable.   If a man can learn to move the sexual energy that gets built up in the genital region before climax he can get to the point of experiencing multiple orgasms without approaching ejaculation.    Most guys spill over the edge of climax for several reasons.

The first and most important reason is lack of being in the moment and experiencing the pleasure of the intimate act with the partner.    I would hazard a guess that most guys are already focused on “getting some” before the act is even certain and with ejaculation being the end goal.

ejaculation (1)To experience complete pleasure requires retraining the body and the mind to experience the depth and nuances of pleasure without focusing on the end goal of e ejaculation    David Deida refers to this kind of friction sex as “pump, pump ooooh, goo”     Once you have retrained the body and the mind not to see ejaculation/climax as the goal of sex you can start to learn new patterns and your body will let you know when releasing energy via ejaculation is necessary.

There is no clean cut answer on how often a male should ejaculate as each body is different and will require different levels of energy retention and recycling.  It will also depend on environmental factors, age, weight, diet, & general level of health.     When ejaculation becomes a conscious choice instead of an expectation the true experience of pleasure can begin to be understood and felt.

It is important to keep in mind we can’t unlearn the patterns that we’ve built up over our lifetimes to this point.   We did not learn how to walk, talk, ride a bike in a day.   This is no different.   It is a process of learning your body and how to open up to the sensations of pleasure.   As they stated in a class that I recently took.  When we learn to expand the container of the experience the more you can fit into that container.   This includes sensations, thoughts, perceptions etc.

Like with anything else this will take conscious effort and practice.

You might have noticed that I have not mentioned to this point focusing on the woman’s pleasure.   The reason for that is I don’t believe the posters confusion or frustration is centered anywhere other than himself.    While it may be seen as chivalrous or forward thinking to focus solely on the woman’s pleasure first, by that very act you take away from the pleasure of the experience for both partners.   So I am going to suggest that before any man asks the question of how to pleasure a woman, they first ask the question of accepting pleasure within themselves and what the intent they are taking into the experience is.    Is it to share a beautiful moment of intimacy and deep connection with another human being, or are you focused on your climax?

ORIGINAL ARTICLE published on Authentic Living.com

What's a Sex Coach?

When I tell someone that I’m a sex coach, they generally find it confusing. Often, I will hear, “Oh, so like, you’re a sex therapist?” Well not exactly. “So then, what is it that you actually do?”

Sex coaching has made it to the news a few times recently and I was interviewed for a feature FOX News did on the topic. Yep, FOX News is talking about sex coaching! What progress we are making. Sex coaching has been sensationalized and even poked fun at because there is not a clear understanding of what sex coaches do. I think that’s because of a couple things:

1) Sex coaching is relatively new so many people have no baseline of information about it; and

2) People are really hung up about sex and don’t realize that we actually need to study, learn and be guided in order to be the best lovers and the happiest sexual people we can be.

A sex coach is someone who helps you with your sexual and relationship life so that you can heal your sexuality, fill in gaps in your sexuality education, and be more powerful as a sexual being. Sex coaches deal with sex head-on without any blame, shame, or negative judgment so that clients can talk about the things that are hard to talk about and get out of shame and into pleasure and fulfillment. We work with people who are single and with people in relationships. I work with both!

There are actually many different kinds of sex coaches. What I do is pretty unique and I use a system for coaching that I have developed organically out of the work that I have done with people for years. There are some things that every person who wants to work on their sexuality in a serious way will have to do in order to grow.

Sex coaches act as educators as part of our work because most people have had sub-par sex education. People need to learn the stuff no one ever taught them about sex from someone who knows about sex and isn’t going to pontificate about what they should and shouldn’t be doing. That’s the job of a priest, not a sex coach!

Sex coaching is different from therapy because it’s not focused on healing past wounds as much as it’s about creating your life in the present. So sex coaching can be therapeutic, yet it addresses your specific concerns in a powerful way that can transform your life.

“The Sessions” features Helen Hunt and John Hawkes as a sex surrogate and her disabled client.

Not all sex coaches are created equal. There is no standardized sex coaching training that coaches complete, although there are some programs that train sex coaches in specific types of coaching practices. For instance, some coaches work hands-on with clients. They might sit along side a client and help her learn how to have an orgasm while she masturbates herself. Some coaches lend more than a helping hand. Some practitioners identify as Sexological Body Workers, which is a hands-on approach to helping someone with their blocks and can be very powerful for the right clients. While the focus of my coaching is not this type of hands-on work, I have a lot of respect for it and for how powerfully it can change people’s lives and open them up to pleasure.

I take a holistic approach to sexuality in my coaching practice. I work with my “9 Essential Steps to a Sexually Empowered Life” because I know that sex operates in the context of one’s life, and that context must be worked on—not just what happens with the sex act itself. For this reason, my work also encompasses the relationships you choose to have, your emotional patterns that get in the way, your feelings about your body, the way you deal with sexual shame, and much more.

I know my work is very powerful and creates lasting transformation in my client’s lives. I absolutely love helping women and couples transform how they approach sex, how they love their bodies, how they develop and fulfill desire, how they shift frustrating patterns, and how they have the deeper intimacy and pleasurable relationships they so deserve. It’s an absolute honor to midwife people through a process of coming home to the self and honoring their own deepest desires.

If you or someone you know is interested in sex coaching, feel free to reach out to my team to set up a call and see if it’s right for you. I’d love to help, and if I’m not the right fit, we’ll find someone who is right for what you need.

I think that everyone needs help with their sexuality at some point in their life. The vast majority of people won’t actually seek out support. Will you be the one who will prioritize your sexuality and develop your sexual life? Or will you let it quietly fade away, or leave it alone in its shame to eat away at itself? The choice is yours, and now that you know there are options for you in order to develop your sexuality, I hope you’ll accept one…or two or three!

Here’s to expanding your sexual life in 2013!

By Amy Jo Goddard Original Article Posted at her WEBSITE HERE

The rise of the designer vagina….

 “I’d much prefer that she is comfortable with herself versus being neurotically insecure enough to get surgery.”

–Male response when asked in a survey

Over the course of the last 20 years since I first became sexually active at age 16 I have gone through many a cycle in the understanding and openness of my own body. Early on in life as a small child I was in love with my fleshy body and that of my male childhood friend’s. Both of us would have a blast sneaking off to one of our tree houses or under some bushes somewhere to explore each other’s “private regions.” I was accepting, curious and very eager to explore and be explored. My childhood boyfriend, Curtis, looking back was far more timid at our games then I was. I was always pushing to try to figure things out, asking for him to touch me here, or wanting to touch him there. Playing doctor was one of my favorite games.  As I grew though I developed an insecurity with my body and by the time I was 12 and had my first period I was almost scared of it. I constantly compared myself to my best friend Michelle who was already voluptuous in curves and I felt like I was this tall thin wall. Her body was beautiful in my eye’s and I wanted to look like her( after all she resembled the girls in the magazines my dad read). As time went on I found myself even more uncomfortable in my own skin yet boys were chasing. Even though I adored their attention I remained closed and did not accept any dates while my best friend Michelle was off and having the time of her teen years.

Finally at 15 I met a boy who was a few years older then me and I felt instantly connected to. With him, I longed that he would ask to be  the one to take my virginity, I quivered in each breath of anticipation hoping he would touch me, and desperately wanted that first kiss. Finally the kiss came and with it came months of what I now know was tantric training. After a year of dating and him teaching me that I was beautiful, could trust him, should enjoy my body and love it we finally made love. In this event I found myself birthed into a new reality of my sex energy. I discovered a rapture that I could not fathom before in all my masturbating and fantasies. Still uncomfortable to a degree with my female genitalia, I did slowly learn that it was a glorious event to make love in the sunshine in a field, or a meadow, under a bridge or in daylight in one of our beds. He taught me that being open and connected to myself was powerful and sexy. But, time changes and relationship serve their purpose, our paths were not to stay in this form and we parted ways. After that relationship I found myself shutting down and fearful, almost as though I were regressing to age 12. Even though I was married now and my husband said he loved my pussy and could not get enough of it, I found his hunger for it almost disgusting at times. He would describe how beautiful he found it in looks, taste and smell. He would tell me that I felt incredible wrapped around him. Unfortunately, I did not feel the same way about myself as he did about me. I was out of love within myself and could not see my beauty. It became so bad that I started to even walk pigeon toed, I could not make eye contact with anyone for a significant time and the thought of self pleasuring myself was not even in the same zip code. Even though I stayed sexually active, sex to me was about my duty to my husband, my contract, and keeping my security and family together. Sex was not for pleasure unless I had had too much to drink and needed a good hard fuck.

Detached from my body, disgusted at it matter a fact, I found myself craving a way that I could “fix” this ugly mess of a woman that I had become. After all I had kids and was aging by the day. I would look in the mirror and all I could see were a bunch of flaws. One day, I even took a mirror and looked into the forbidden zone of my pussy. OMFG! things were not the neat and tidy little  package that I recalled from age 6. How did this mess happen? Motherhood! Sex when I did not want it. Lack of vaginal exercises. And my boobs, let’s not even talk about it…

So I made up my mind, I had to have plastic surgery. I mentally fixated on it actually. My husband told me that he loved me and thought I was perfect just the way I was (in my mind, he was lying, he had to say that or he may never get lucky again). However I knew that plastic surgery would not be the only solution and this designer vagina surgery was not even heard of yet, at least not for the everyday woman. I figured that my best bet was to get physically fit, loose the baby weight, tone up, get a tan and then a boob job. In this I was kindly reminded about kegal exercises and vaginal weight-lifting balls. So it became my daily practice and once I reached all my goals I was off to get the finishing touches of “perfect” breasts. Or so I thought…

Years later- I was reawakened to sexual healing practices. Tantra crept back into my life as well as other spiritual practices and some psychology training. I had now developed a strong foundation of understanding about nutrition and the spiritual and psychological training filled my vessel with the knowledge that I needed and opened a pathway to real healing.

Instead of plastic surgery and constant roller coaster diets, depression medications and hopeless physical changes that came from doctors, I found a real cure for this self-disgust and un-comfort in my own flesh. I discovered how to fall in-love with myself again and in doing so I ended up manifesting some pretty incredible lovers into my life that all supported my new love for self.

Unlike before I actually believed and adored the loving comments and even though I really did not need them at this point, I still cherished each word. These men shared with me in great detail how they hungered for me, how wonderful I felt, tasted, smelt. How they wanted more and thought of me when we were apart. They shared that they adored my ability to be open, explorative, playful and confident in my own skin. Every now and then I would feel like maybe I should still get that boob job, so I would test the waters with a lovers reaction and share about how I was talking with someone and breast enhancement came up. I would ask my lover how he felt about it? Over and over again, each lover would say, ” All breasts are beautiful and good. I love them. Yours are perfect I am so glad that they are real, I love kissing and  touching them.”

Bye, bye breast insecurity. Hello breast love.

phone 7111 011-1The same thing is true with the vulva. Any woman who is feeling like her pussy is not as perfect as the porn stars or that she needs to change this part of her body needs to:

  • Get familiar with your pussy (look at it from every angle)
  • Get down and dirty with yourself (make love to yourself, allow your fingers to explore and taste yourself)
  • Get a confidence boost by making love to a partner in the day light
  • Ask your partner to slow down and look at your vulva. Ask your partner to describe what they see.
  • Get a real confidence boost by pleasuring yourself in front of a lover. It is amazing how you will quickly fall in love with yourself when you realize that your partner is getting really heated up by watching you and seeing this part of your being exposed in love and vulnerabilty.
  • Do Tantric Art Therapy to awaken your inner goddess and start your sexual healing
  • Get busy doing your vaginal workouts to strengthen your internal muscles and build confidence
  • Learn or go to a Tantric Coach/Practitioner that help re-establish the proper feeling, blood flow and energy to your vulva and vagina
  • Release stored trauma in your genital areas.
  • Get educated on ancient sexual healing knowledge that can help restore the appearance and feel of your vulva and vagina.

These are a few things that can change your life. Your confidence and love for self. And the best part is that No doctors, knives, or needles are needed. You won’t have a scare that will cause you other forms of insecurity and you will have learned that being authentically you is PERFECT!!!!

–KW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 The rise of the designer vagina…

Genital surgery is one of the fastest growing areas of plastic surgery Nicola Conville looks at the reasons why demand has increased for labiaplasty surgeries In our quest for perfection and amid a growing obsession with body image, it seems women now have a new part of the anatomy to worry about – our vaginas. Genital plastic surgery is one of the fastest-growing areas in cosmetic surgery, and one of the most popular procedures being requested – mostly by young women – is a labiaplasty. A labiaplasty – or labial rejuvenation – is a procedure whereby the inner labia, or labia minora, get trimmed back so they look more “tucked in”. The surgery is generally done under a local anaesthetic, so the patient is awake while it is being performed. The process takes around 90 minutes and you can walk out of the surgery, returning to normal activities within a few days – except for sex, which you should hold off for four to six weeks.

designerpussy1

The reason for the rise

“There has been a huge surge in the past five years of people looking to get genital surgery, and the vast majority of these are getting a labiaplasty, vaginoplasty (vaginal tightening) or liposuction in the pelvic area or labia,” says Dr Laith Barnouti, a leading Sydney plastic surgeon. Barnouti says that currently around 20 per cent of his clients are coming in for genital surgery. The youngest to date was 14, the oldest in her mid-sixties. A 2010 report also found that the number of clinically necessary procedures   – that is, not solely for cosmetic reasons – performed by private practitioners nearly doubled in recent years. So why are women requesting this procedure? There are a few reasons, says Barnouti, including feeling “socially embarrassed… people can’t wear certain types of bathers, people feel embarrassed in intimate situations”. But the reasons go beyond the aesthetic, he claims. “Labiaplasty and vaginoplasty are often performed due to a medical condition – people actually have it for a functional reason,” Dr Barnouti says. “Labial hypertrophy – enlargement or sagging of the labia – can be unhealthy and unhygienic.” Vaginoplasty, which is usually performed on women who have a weakened perineum after giving birth, is a “restorative, reconstructive procedure”, says Barnouti. “This is something completely different from, say, liposuction, which is a purely cosmetic procedure.”

femalevuvlas

What is normal?

But are women having genital surgery for other reasons – to please a boyfriend perhaps, or because they feel their vagina is not normal? Do women actually hate the appearance of their vulvas so much that they will have parts of them surgically removed? The 2008 UK documentary The Perfect Vagina explored the reasons why women opt for this type of surgery, and found that many do it because they’ve been teased by someone close to them about the way their genitals look, or have just decided their vagina looks abnormal. In the documentary, Professor Linda Cordoza, a leading UK gynaecologist, says while women are much more aware of what’s available in terms of plastic surgery procedures, it doesn’t necessarily mean they know what’s normal. “There’s been a huge trend towards bikini waxing, doing things with your pubic hair as well as the hair on your head. So [women think] if you can have cosmetic surgery done to your face, you can also have cosmetic surgery done on your genitals.” Cordoza says. “I sometimes get two or three generations of women in the same family coming in saying they want their labia trimmed.”

nicentidyvulva

The role of pornography

Our perception of what is normal is most definitely clouded by the proliferation of pornographic images featuring women with smaller, tucked in – and often heavily airbrushed – private parts. As women, we don’t often see vaginas other than our own, so if the only images we see are of highly airbrushed genitals, naturally many of us are going to assume that what we have is “different” or “abnormal”. Melinda Tankard Reist is a media commentator and author of Big Porn Inc and Getting Real – Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls (Spinifex Press). She believes pornography is a big driver in the rise in cosmetic surgery. “Girls are made to feel inadequate and think that there’s something wrong with their perfectly natural, healthy bodies. And boys are expecting girls to provide the porn star experience,” Reist says. Reist adds that it’s important women pass on positive body image messages to their daughters, and that cosmetic surgeons should play their part by refusing to operate on very young women, rather than “capitalising on the body angst of girls”. Barnouti says women contemplating any type of cosmetic surgery should be doing it for themselves, not anyone else. “What we do here is for the patient, not their partner,” Barnouti says. “If you’re going to have a procedure, have it for yourself. Just because someone makes a negative comment doesn’t mean you should change your whole body.”

Labiaplasty – the facts

The procedure: A labiaplasty takes around 90 minutes and patients are usually under twilight sedation – either local anaesthetic or IV sedation – meaning they are awake for the surgery. During the procedure the surgeon removes a wedge-shaped piece of tissue and re-attaches the labium so the inner lips no longer protrude beyond the outer lips. The recovery: Three to four days for normal activities, including going back to work, but avoid exerting yourself physically. You can’t run or jog for two weeks, and no sex for four to six weeks. The stitches used are usually dissolvable. The cost: Labiaplasty costs around $4000 to $5000 if you have private healthcare cover, otherwise you can expect to add another $2000. To be available under Medicare it must be deemed clinically necessary.

Original Post from Body and Soul

Which is the Relationship of Your Dreams?

Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams?

There are essentially 3 kinds of relationships: Traditional, Conscious, and Transcendent.  Each serves it’s own purpose.  Take a look at the descriptions below and ask yourself what kind of relationship you’re in and what kind of relationship you would like to be in.  Remember, some people can’t or don’t want to do the necessary work too get to the next level.  Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams?
Wedding2LEVEL 1: TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP
This is the most familiar dynamic found in traditional marriages and relationships.  The focus is on shared interests and values rather than personal growth.  In Traditional Relationships neither person has done the necessary psychological or spiritual work to bond either with themselves or another.  This means that the couple connects at the personality rather than the emotional and spiritual levels.  When two people relate from the personality or “I” level, the individual’s focus remains on him or herself rather than on the other.  Each person is primarily focused on getting his or her own needs met which prevents the “we” of the relationship from forming.  As a result these relationships often become stagnant and power struggles occur frequently.  To remain together, partners in Traditional Relationships avoid looking at key issues, pretending they don’t exist.  Many couples feel safe and secure in a Traditional Relationship.  It is all they ever want or need and they can remain at this level forever.  These couples will not naturally progress to the next two levels of relationship.  Traditional Relationships end when one partner embarks on his or her psychospiritual journey and it becomes impossible to continue growing while remaining in the relationship.

 

bewithsomeoneLEVEL 2: CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP
When soul mates come together they join in Conscious Relationship.   Soul mates are those who relate from the soul level.  Though many seek a soul mate, the requirement for this kind of relationship is that both people must have done some psychological and spiritual work prior to meeting in order to relate soul to soul.  In Conscious Relationships the focus is on emotional and spiritual growth both as individuals and as a couple.  Those in Conscious Relationships are engaged in learning lessons.  Their goal is to transcend the physical and emotional levels to the spiritual plane.   As they actively work through issues together, Conscious Couples are increasingly able to lean in and trust one another to create the “we” of the relationship.  One of the great challenges of Conscious Relationships is that they are transitioning from an I-based to a we-based relationship as they learn not only to work on their own individual issues but also as they learn to apply what they learn to the relationship as a whole.  As this happens, power struggles occur.  Though profound, Conscious Relationships but do not necessarily last forever.  They might end when both partners are no longer able to grow together or when one person does not meet the other person’s Essential Needs.  Just because people are Conscious Partners does not mean that they can automatically fulfill the other person’s requirements.  Reaching the level of Conscious Partnership is a significant accomplishment and can lead to nourishing and lasting relationship.
526990_275859732522705_1737236878_nLEVEL 3: TRANSCENDENT RELATIONSHIP
Not everyone wants to do the work to reach this third.  Transcendent Partners love one another unconditionally.  They are “guardians of each others souls.”  Because Transcendent Partners have mastered the art of taking personal responsibility, they generate their identity, happiness and emotional stability from within and there is no fear of losing themselves in the relationship.  With such a strong sense of their individual selves, Transcendent Partners can fully surrender to the “we” of the relationship, forming a union where the individual is not lost and the whole is profoundly greater than the sum of its parts.  Skilled in unconditional acceptance, power struggles rarely occur. Transcendent Partners fully support each other in going for their dreams.  They live in truth and can share anything without fear of shame or blame.  Transcendent Partners relate at the spiritual level and have evolved beyond the need to work at the relationship.  Both partners are guided not by outer but by inner forces and by each other.  Knowing that what they have together is enough, Transcendent Partners are content and can commit to one another for life.  Transcendent Partnership is focused in gratitude and on giving back to society.  There are few models in our society for this type of partnership.  Conscious Partners can and do evolve into Transcendent Partnership when both people do their individual work.  You have not failed if you achieve a Traditional or Conscious Relationship.   Transcendent Partnership is not and should not be for everyone.

 

Original Article Posting

3 Mantras for Terrible Lovemaking

When things first get sexy, mental chatter can drown out our partner’s heavy breathing. Sometimes, we’re not even aware of how our inner monologues effect our pleasuring behavior. I think you’re swell, dandy and darn good looking. Because I like you so much, I want you to have the best there is in the bedroom. Here are three common mediocre mantras that will not help our mission:

MANTRA #1: “I’m Going to Make You Cum”

VARIATION: ”I’m really good at fellatio/cunnilingus/[insert sex act here]“

Orgasm is not the goal. That would be pleasure. Orgasm is what happens when you’re busy having fun. A demanding sexual ego = Not Fun. Send that buzz kill of an expectation packing and enjoy everyone’s genitals unclenching.

MANTRA #2: “Am I doing this right!?”

VARIATION: “Oh please like this. Please, oh please?”

Where the first mantra is the pinnacle of egoism, this one is the height of insecurity. In the land of pleasure, there is no “right,” nor are there “should’s” or “must’s.” It is a land of wonderful possibility and infinite opportunity. Listen for ragged breathing, look for flushed skin and feel for tensing muscles. If their bodily arousal isn’t apparent, keep playing with sexual variables.

MANTRA #3: “This is How All My Other Partners Liked it”

VARIATION: “Why aren’t you working right!?”

Stop. Right. Now. Put down your habits. Do it quickly. Every new fun-time partner means expanding your hands-on skill set. FANTABULOUS! Just remember, with each new terrain comes new curves in the road. The first few times, you might wanna slow down around the bend.

And so, dear friend, if you hear any of the above rattling around, tell it to go “shush” itself and enjoy the panting. Go Team Fun!

Original Post from Sex Nerd Sandra