Here I sit working with clients today, the day after a yummy relaxing Christmas, where I find myself in total gratitude.
I sit here doing some marketing,
following up with my 1:1 clients,
signing a couple new 1:1 clients and getting them started with the onborading process,
when some misunderstanding soul,
reaches out and asks:
“So what do I get for the $197 that you are offering in your 12 Days of F-cking Awesomeness Bundle?”
Now you have to understand that we online coaches/marketers and educators welcome with open arms inquiry of all kinds,
and we love making sure that our followers are happy and getting exactly what they think they are.
Matter a fact today’s online world is ALL about giving away more in value then expected.
The smart online educators, coaches know the impact that they can have and offer up a massive amount of free or low cost education and content and are feeding their followers daily.
We aim to share massive value in our online courses and workshops. We want you expanding, learning, and being the best versions of yourselves and get that not everyone can afford our private rates.
So when asked the question above,
of course I shared that this was a massive savings.
I mean shiz, you are getting up to $1800 of value and then some, because the same content in private would cost you ten’s of thousands of dollars in coaching hours.
But RIGHT NOW you save even more and get it for ONLY $197.
It’s a no f-cking duh sorta thing!!!
Litterly you could take the next year to work through your chosen bundle and come out the other side with some massive shift in your:
and life in general.
But this sweet confused soul thought that I was offering up my private coaching for $197.
I would go broke and be homeless and a really shitty coach to boot for under valuing myself so much if I did that.
The reality of my private coaching practice is that I fall in love with my peep’s.
I get real, raw and authentically down to the core with them.
Knowing them at levels that they may have never been seen at before and teaching just how amazing they really are.
My clients become my friends,
I give to them random moments on any given day to lean on me.
We text constantly.
We talk on the phone through beautiful and tradgic moments.
share and are deeply intimate in our vulnerabilty.
And although I wish I could offer this sort of relationship for such a price of $197 or even free,
it is honestly priceless and those who work with me I am confident would second my statement here.
A coach who does not chage what they are worth,
simply does not value themselves and has not stepped into their power or self- love yet.
A coach who does not know the power of their words,
their stories and gudiance,
and offers it for free or for some rediculous price because they feel that servitude should mean being a broke a*s who is struggling instead of thriving,
simply does not believe in the value of coaching.
Or the value of who they are and what they have to offer.
They themselves don’t get it and most likely don’t have a real mentor or coach in their lives pushing them up.
And I don’t know about you but,
but who would you follow?
The person selling you snake oil because they themselves don’t get it and don’t value it.
The person who leads by example,
has evidence of it and
is not afraid to value themselves.
Their education and experiences.
And demands that in order for you to work with them that the first step is to do the value yourself enough to INVEST.
We all need to start somewhere when we decide that we want to work on ourselves.
We have to choose where we can start.
And aultimatley it does not matter where you start.
What matters is:
1) you start somewhere
2) you value yourself enough to invest in YOU
3) you are coachable
Everything else will follow.
My question for you today is simple.
Do you value YOU?
If you are in business for yourself are you charging what you are worth? Or are you scared of your value?
If you are wanting change in your life in any area do you value that area of your life enough to say YES to the change?
And the helping hand that you most likely will have to hire in some format to guide you to your desired outcome.
You are worth the life that you want.
You are valuable in this world and to the people you share your message with and yourlife with.
Never undervalue the work that you do.
The art that you make.
The message that you share.
Or the changes that you need tomake to have the life that you want.
When we under value anothers help,
we thus under value ourselves too.
And KNOW You Are VALUABLE.
I love you.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Reach out to me today to learn about my 2020 New Years Resolution Special on my 1:1 coaching.
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Have you ever noticed how feakin’ wrong you can be on things?
Have you ever just stopped and questioned why you are so persistent, so dead set on making sure that things go the way you believe they are already even in the face of reality that it is not?
Life is really funny, isn’t it?
We get involved with relationship,
all sorts of relationship and then sh*t happens and we assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling. When in fact we don’t have an effing clue.
What we are listening to, is nothing more than the babble in our heads.
This babble stems from our own insecurities and fears, not from TRUTH.
This babble is our ego’s ignited and trying to dictate to us all that we really don’t want, but are likely to lean more into because we believe what is false.
I have done my fair share of assuming for sure.
I have been on the receiving end of assumptions as well.
Neither side is good.
Recently I was part of the babbling game of assumptions and it lead me to having to make a post on facebook to “try” and clear some things up. However the issue with assumptions is that the one’s that are having the assumptions made on them go into the defense ( much like I have had to do) and this in the short run, prevents further clear communication as we are grasping for air to be seen, heard and witnessed in truth, all the while the assumptions are dumping them selves out and messing up the truth.
Making it hard if not impossible on the front side to see anything for what it is UNLESS one REALLY wants the truth and investigates it.
Which often NEVER happens.
Because we HUMAN.
And we humans love a good drama story.
The truth often is not as dramatic, exciting or full of gossip and luster as the assumptions.
Assumptions are like the telephone game we use to play as children.
You know the one.
I whisper something in your ear, you whisper what you heard in someone else’s and it goes around the circle as such until the last person speaks what they were told and the original person gets to say, “yes that is what I said, or no here is what I actually said.”
This is ASSUMPTIONS.
Assumptions can destroy people if they let them.
Assumptions are the basis of rumors and gossip.
Assumptions alter our thinking and beliefs about situations, people and even ourselves.
When we buy into an assumption, we allow the darkness of an untruth half baked lie to plant it’s seed in us and all our actions, thoughts and feelings moving forward are based ( no matter how hard we try) on the foundation of an assumption.
So let me get REAL with you guys so you can see the potential damage of an assumption.
TRUTH BOMB coming your way.
Here is what I shared on facebook to help clear up the assumptions that have been floating around my world lately.
See if you can guess what the assumptions were that caused my need to share this. Feel free to post your thoughts below. 🙂
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!! It has come to my attention that there are many misunderstanding floating around in recent and over the last year or so. I am taking this moment to share the truth since these rumors are making it back to me from multiple sources.
1) I am NOT a prostitute, whore, tantric masseuse or bodyworker.
2) I do NOT sleep with my clients. I do NOT sleep with other women’s men either.
3) I AM a life coach that focuses in on sexuality issues such as shame, guilt, orgasm issues, and health issues. I primarily focus in on relationship issues and sex is a major component to these.
4) I DO teach sexuality and relationship workshops and classes. They are NOT orgies, they are classes.
5) I DO coaching in the same fashion that other life coaches do (i.e. talk therapy base)
6) Most of my work these days is done through phone coaching and online courses.
7) I have been in an open relationship with my previous partner for almost 7 years. That was my first open relationship ever. We both had other lovers and knew about them. This was public knowledge for anyone close to us.
8) My focus in life is as follows God, Family, Healing, Work
Working on forgiveness around MANY things.
This song sums it up well.Blessings to all of you caught in the middle.
Stop Existing & Start Living
Stop Existing & Start Living
I most likely “should” not be doing this today, after all I am sick.
I am recovering from this nasty as f*ck cold that took over my voice, my chest, my head, my sinuses. Keeping me awake hours all night and just not letting me sleep like a hungry lover who never is fulfilled.
I most likely “should” just cancel my day and F-ck it!
I most likely “should” go to the doctor and get some med’s to help me bust through this shit quicker.
That is what I most likely “SHOULD” do.
But that is NOT what leaders do.
That is not what high vibe peep’s do.
That is not what those of us who have dreams do.
It sure is f*uck not.
I might be sick.
I certainly need to take some TLC time.
I most defiantly need rest and a few good nights sleep.
But incorporating a practice of “shoulding on myself?”
I am F-CK NO to that one.
That will not heal me quicker or help me reach my goals.
It will not bring my being to a higher VIBE.
It will dilute me.
It will suck me dry from the false judgement,
the resistance of being all of me.
It will prevent me from SHINING my Mother F-cking Light as strong as I WANT to.
The issue is NOT in the things that I say I “should” do or “should not” do.
The issue is the SHOULD.
The statement of should say’s that I am basing…
on what I BELIEVE the world thinks I should do or should not do/be/have.
It is not based on WHO I AM, but on who I think society will accept the most.
There is the issue.
You know this issue, don’t you?
I bet you know it intimately even.
Maybe to intimately to acknowledge even,
keeping this relationship with “SHOULD” in the hiding as much as you can.
Acting as though you are removed from it,
Like you divorced it.
You don’t have that issue any longer.
That was the old you.
The new you is…
I will let you sit there with that.
And I will sit here with mine.
And we can just sit in silence of our hiding our truth for just a second longer.
But here is the issue in that….
I can ONLY sit here a second with it.
I simply don’t have the time to give my life to all the “SHOULD’S and SHOULD NOT’S”
I simply KNOW with CERTAINTY that they will NEVER provide me with anything that I want.
They will only steal my breath.
They will only take my dreams and bury them in the waste land of a life that COULD HAVE BEEN.
They will only fill my soul with REGRET.
I sure as F-CK DO NOT have more than a second of my time to sit here with you, in the silence of not chasing my dreams.
I know with CERTAINTY that God has my back.
I know with CERTAINTY that anything I truly put my mind, heart and attention to will manifest like f-cking magick for me.
I know with CERTAINTY that you can have this too.
First you have to let go of your shoulding nature.
First you have to say goodbye to it,
let yourself cry your tears of mourning of letting go of all that holds you back,
Yes your hold backs, those things that feel so f-cking safe and comfortable.
I KNOW you don’t want to admit it.
I KNOW you want to cringe at the realization of it.
I KNOW that you find yourself holding your breath,
feeling guilt or shame even around it,
But it is F-CKING TRUE.
Imagine if you just FINALLY accepted that you were limitless.
Imagine if you just FINALLY decided to get selfish.
Imagine if you just FINALLY chose to say YES,
Yes to YOU.
Who would you be?
What would you have?
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Imagine if you just stopped shoulding on yourself.
What would it FEEL like with out the should in your life?
I am the one who is SICK AS F-CK here…
I am the one that “should” be crying in my yogurt about how crappy I feel,
How tired I am,
How shitty my body feels today,
How much I still have to do and have no energy for.
You won’t catch me doing that.
Instead you will see me leaning in to the discomfort of
YES, to the most important person in this Mother F-cking world.
YES to ME.
to self care,
telling myself that I am worthy,
that I am lovable,
that I am unf-cking stoppable,
that I am powerful,
Sh*t Ain’t Going To Get Me Down.
I will step past that “Should Pile” and I will put on my shoes,
eat my yogurt and strawberries,
drink my coffee and water,
write out my commandments of manifestation,
BREATHE in Life.
Now the ONLY Question of the day that remains,
Is what will you do with your “should pile?”
STOP Stepping in it!
That is what I highly recommend.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
What happens in the brain during an orgasm?
Without nerves sending impulses back to the spinal cord and brain, an orgasm wouldn’t be possible. Just like any other area of the body, the genitalia contain different nerves that send information to the brain to tell it about the sensation that’s being experienced. This helps to explain why the sensations are perceived differently depending on where someone is being touched. A clitoral orgasm, for example, differs from a vaginal orgasm because different sets of nerves are involved.
Pleasure Center of the Brain: Light It Up
You may have heard that the brain has a pleasure center that lets us know when something is enjoyable and reinforces the desire for us to perform the same pleasurable action again. This is also called the reward circuit, which includes all kinds of pleasure, from sex to laughter to certain types of drug use. Some of the brain areas impacted by pleasure include:
- amygdala – regulates emotions
- nucleus accumbens – controls the release of dopamine
- ventral tegmental area (VTA) – actually releases the dopamine
- cerebellum – controls muscle function
- pituitary gland – releases beta-endorphins, which decrease pain; oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust; and vasopressin, which increases bonding
Although scientists have long been studying the pleasure center, there hadn’t been much research about how it relates to sexual pleasure, especially in women. In the late 1990s and the mid-2000s, a team of scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands conducted several studies of both men and women to determine brain activity during sexual stimulation. The team used PET scans to illustrate the different areas of the brain that would light up and shut off during sexual activity. In all of the tests, the subjects were scanned while resting, while being sexually stimulated and while having an orgasm.
Interestingly, they discovered that there aren’t too many differences between men’s and women’s brains when it comes to sex. In both, the brain region behind the left eye, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down during orgasm. Janniko R. Georgiadis, one of the researchers, said, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” [source: LA Times]. Dr. Gert Holstege stated that the brain during an orgasm looks much like the brain of a person taking heroin. He stated that “95 percent is the same” [source: Science News].
There are some differences, however. When a woman has sex, a part of the brain stem called the periaqueductal gray (PAG) is activated. The PAG controls the “flight or fight” response. Women’s brains also showed decreased activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety. The team theorized that these differences existed because women have more of a need to feel safe and relaxed in order to enjoy sex. In addition, the area of the cortex associated with pain was activated in women, which shows that there is a distinct connection between pain and pleasure.
The studies also showed that although women may be able to fool their partners into thinking they’ve had an orgasm, their brains show the truth. When asked to fake an orgasm, the women’s brain activity increased in the cerebellum and other areas related to controlling movement. The scans didn’t show the same brain activity of a woman during an actual orgasm.
But what about people who can’t reach orgasm at all?
Neither Here Nor There: Anorgasmia and Non-genital Orgasms
In some cases, we know what causes anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm). Drugs like Celexa, Zoloft and Paxil — known as SSRIs, or selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors — are often used to treat depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses. Like most drugs, however, they can have side effects. For some people, this includes sexual ones, including anorgasmia. But why? SSRIs can decrease the brain’s production of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that provides pleasurable feelings and reinforces a person’s desire to once again perform the action that brought him or her pleasure. Sometimes the problem goes away on its own, or it can be resolved by switching to a different antidepressant or taking another drug in addition to the SSRI. However, a small number of people experience post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) that lasts for days, weeks, months or even years after discontinuing use of an SSRI. The cause of this dysfunction isn’t understood, as stopping the SSRI allows dopamine production to return to normal.
The Dutch studies about orgasms (mentioned earlier), along with others, have also been the basis for continuing research in helping women who are anorgasmic. Dr. Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers University is currently studying women who are anorgasmic and women who are constantly aroused sexually but are unable to reach orgasm. The latter group of women were each put in an MRI scanner where they could see their brain activity on a monitor. Their brain scans showed that the brain thought they were in fact constantly being sexually stimulated. The women then used imagery and other neurofeedback exercises to calm their brains. Dr. Komisaruk believes that anorgasmic women could also learn to read and react to their brain activity to try to reach orgasm.
Perhaps more unusual-sounding than orgasmia is the concept of orgasms that have nothing to do with the genitalia at all. Some people can orgasm from being touched in other places on the body, such as the nipples. In this case, researchers believe that the sensations in the nipples are transmitted to the same areas of the brain that receive information from the genitals. However, people have also reported actually feeling orgasms in other parts of their bodies, including their hands and feet. Several people have even described having orgasms in limbs that were no longer there. One reason may be the layout of the cortical homunculus, a map that shows how different places of the brain’s sensory and motor cortices correspond to the organs and limbs of the body. A person who feels an orgasm in a phantom foot, for example, may have experienced a remapping of the senses because the foot is located next to the genitals in the homunculus. The foot is no longer there to provide sensation, so the area for genital sensation took over the space.
Although we now know more about how orgasms impact the brain than ever before, there’s still a lot that we don’t know. For example, scientists are still debating the evolutionary reason behind the female orgasm. But it’s probably safe to say that most people aren’t too concerned about the “why” — they’d prefer to focus on the whos, whats and whens of sex.
Picture Credit: 3D4MEDICAL.COM/GETTY IMAGES
1. Sex is God’s good creation.
God in his great wisdom, for his glory and our good, has chosen to place us in a world where sex is a significant part of the human experience. The issue of sex is important and unavoidable because God, in wisdom and love, chose it to be.
Because sex is the creation of God’s hand and exists under the control of his sovereignty, we should approach it with reverence and awe, not with embarrassment and timidity. Sex came from him, belongs to him, and continues to exist through him—to him be the glory.
2. Sex can be dangerous.
Sadly, today sex—a beautiful creation of God—functions in the surrounding culture like a spiritual solvent eating away at the very fabric of the human community. It has perverse power to master your heart and, in so doing, determine the direction of your life. It gives the buzz that you’re in control while, at the very same time, becoming the master that progressively chains you to its control. It offers you an inner sense of well-being while having no capacity whatsoever to satisfy your heart.
It seduces you with the prospect of contentment-producing pleasure but leaves you empty and craving more. Sex holds out the possibility that you will finally be satisfied but instead causes you to envy whoever has more and better than you do. It sells you the lie that physical pleasure is the pathway to spiritual peace. Sex is the work of the Creator’s hands but tends to promise you what only the Creator can deliver. It is beautiful in itself but has become distorted and dangerous by means of the fall.
3. Suffering will impact your sexuality.
If suffering is every person’s experience, then you should expect suffering to impact your sexuality. You will suffer the reality that right here, right now, sex doesn’t function the way that God intended. You will face the redefinition, distortion, and misuse of sex. You suffer the temptation to take your sexual life outside of God’s clear boundaries.
You will suffer being blindsided by sexual temptation at the mall, on your computer, when watching Netflix, or, sadly, even when you’re doing a Google search on your phone. You will suffer women exposing their bodies in public or men treating women like they’re little more than physical toys for their pleasure. You will suffer the hardship of trying to protect your children from all the sexual danger out there, while you work to keep your own heart pure.
Because you know of all the seductive temptations, you will suffer issues of trust with those you love. Some of us will suffer sexual abuse, and others of us will suffer the exhaustion that comes from trying to keep our hearts pure. You will suffer misunderstanding and mockery as you try to stay inside God’s boundaries in a culture that laughs at the thought of sexual boundaries. Paul assumes that we will suffer, and if he’s right (and he is), that suffering will include our sexuality.
4. Sex cannot satisfy your heart.
Sex is powerfully pleasurable, but it cannot satisfy your heart. The touch of another person stimulates your body and your heart, but it never leaves you fulfilled. Sex connects you in powerful and dramatic ways to another person, but it has no ability whatsoever to make you a better person.
Whether we know it or not, every human being lives in search of a savior. We are all propelled by a quest for identity, inner peace, and some kind of meaning and purpose. And we all look for it somewhere. Here’s the bottom line: looking to creation to get what only the Creator can give you always results in addiction of some kind. The thing you hoped would serve you pulls you into its service. What seemed like freedom ends up being bondage. The thing is not the problem; what you’ve asked of it is.
God’s creative intention was to bring glory to himself by the pleasures he created.
5. God is at the center of your sexual world.
Our problem with sex doesn’t begin with lust, with bad choices, or with sexual misbehavior. Our problem with sex begins when we forget that God must be at the center of this part of our lives as he must be with any other. When you have no greater motivation in sex than your own satisfaction, you are already in sexual trouble, even if you don’t know it yet. How have you tended to put yourself in the center of your world of sexuality?
Whether or not you functionally recognize it, at the epicenter of your sexual world exists a God of awesome power, glory, and grace. Sex in its rightful place in your heart and life always begins by recognizing that he is at the center.
6. Sex is deeply spiritual.
Sex is not an a-religious thing. Sex is deeply spiritual. Your relationship to your own sexuality and the sexuality of others always reveals your heart. Your sexual life is always an expression of what you truly worship. Sex is deeply religious. In sex you are either self-consciously submitting to God or setting yourself up as God. In other words, sex is never simply a horizontal thing. Sex always connects you to the God who created your body, gave you eyes to see and a heart that desires, and tells you how you are to steward this aspect of your personhood.
7. Sexual sin starts with your heart.
Here’s where the words of Christ drive us: our struggle with sexual sin is not first a struggle with the environment in which we live or with the people that we live near. Our struggle with sexual sin reveals the dark and needy condition of our hearts. We are our biggest problem.
When it comes to sexual sin, the greatest sexual danger to any human being anywhere lives inside him, not outside. Isolation, changes of location and relationship, and management of behavior never work because they don’t target the place where the problem exists—the heart.
8. Pleasure is God-glorifying.
God’s creative intention was to bring glory to himself by the pleasures he created. Each pleasurable thing was perfectly created and designed to reflect and point to the greater glory of the One who created it. These things were designed to be pleasure inducing but also for a deeply spiritual purpose.
They were meant to remind you of him. They were meant to amaze you not just with their existence but with the wisdom, power, and glory of the One who made them. They were put on earth to be one of God’s means of getting your attention and capturing your heart. The pleasure of sex is meant to remind me of the glory of my intimate union with Christ, which only grace could produce.
9. The pleasure of sex is no substitute for God’s grace.
It’s right to celebrate the goodness of God in giving you sweet pleasures to enjoy, and you should never feel guilty enjoying them as long as you do it within his boundaries and for his glory. It’s wonderful to celebrate the tasty pleasures of food, the stunning beauty of a fine piece of art, the sweet intimacy of sex, or the sound drama of a well-written piece of music. But as you’re celebrating pleasure, don’t forget to celebrate grace.
God’s grace has the power to protect you from asking of pleasure what you should not ask. God’s grace gives you the power to say no to the seductive call of pleasure when it is vital to say no. God’s grace offers you forgiveness when you have failed to do both these things. And God’s grace ushers you into the presence of the One who alone can give you the lasting satisfaction and joy that your heart seeks. So as you’re celebrating the physical pleasures of the created world, take time to celebrate the eternal pleasures of redemption.
10. Sex is intended to point us to God himself.
Since God created both you and sex, it is impossible to properly understand sex and participate in it appropriately if you are practically ignoring God and his existence. By means of creation you are his, and your sex life is his.
Sex that recognizes God’s existence becomes the beautiful, intimate, relational act of worship that it was intended to be. In the midst of all its physical delights, it does not forget God. It remembers that everything enlivened and enjoyed in sex belongs to him. It rests in his control and celebrates his care in the midst of the most intimate of human connections.
Paul David Tripp (DMin, Westminster Theological Seminary) is a pastor, author, and international conference speaker. He is also the president of Paul Tripp Ministries. He has written a number of popular books on Christian living, including What Did You Expect?, Dangerous Calling, Parenting, and New Morning Mercies. He lives in Philadelphia with his wife Luella and they have four grown children. For more information and resources, visit paultrippministries.org.