The Average Woman is a Prostitute ( Guest writer Addison Bell)


pros·ti·tute (ˈprästəˌt(y)o͞ot/)

(noun) 1. a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

The above is Google’s definition of a prostitute, and this is the common definition across many sites. A person engaging in sexual activity for some form of payment. Thus making today’s average woman a prostitute, married, single, doesn’t matter, we have become a gender that sells our bodies.

Let me tell you a little personal story from a few years back… I had been out on three dates with a very nice man. He would take me to some nice restaurants, we would have a good conversation, and on this particular 4th date, he even brought me some beautiful flowers. I liked him as a person and enjoyed our time together, but wasn’t feeling a particular strong sexual connection, and thus, I had not gone there with him. However, I began to feel guilty… he had taken me out on these very nice dates and even started to jokingly mention that he had taken me out, bought me some nice flowers, but yet we still had not had sex. So despite my disinterest in sex with him, on this 4th date, I caved, although not being conscious of my thought process at the time, I felt because of the time/money he had spent on me that I somehow owed him sex if I desired to keep dating him. I let him buy me a beautiful dinner and then afterward let him have sex with me, which was disconnected and meaningless. He, in a way, bought my body at this moment. I had prostituted myself for some food, flowers, conversation, and attention.

Years later, as a Sex & Relationship Coach, I cannot say that I have ever had a woman come into my office that has not sold her sex in some way to a partner. And if I’m brutally honest, married women are often the biggest offenders. It does not matter if you are selling your sex for actual finances (including financial security), physical objects (home, car), experiences (restaurants, events, plays), or in exchange for a false sense of connection. When we use sex as any form of commerce, we are doing just what we shame and demoralize, and technically incarcerate women around the country for daily.

I know there are probably some women out there reading this and thinking, “that’s not the same thing” and you can try to convince yourself with this reason or that, let your Ego use tons of excuses, or separate yourself because you have a diamond ring on your finger, but that does not get you off the hook energetically! The moment our bodies and sex become a bargaining chip, whether for gain, or out of a sense of duty, we are entering the land of prostituting our bodies, minds, and most of all, our spirits.

I’ve had several Christian clients tell me that their “job” from a Christian perspective is to take care of their man in this way and live up to their “wifely duties” in a sense. I am calling bullshit on this. God did not create the beautiful, sensual, and magnificent female body to be sold, but instead to be cherished. The Creator wants us to share ourselves from a deep, meaningful, and purely loving space and not in order to get something in return. Females have been given a uniquely divine power and beauty in our sexuality that when not used from a place pure of heart is diminished, disrespected, and that inevitably leads us to disconnection from self. When we say yes when we either don’t want it or are ambivalent about it, then we are not only using our bodies, but we are also raping ourselves. Harsh, but yet still the truth.

This is not to make all women shame themselves; goodness knows we already do enough of that, but instead to bring awareness. Why is it okay that we incarcerate and shame women that are doing exactly what most women are doing, but just in a more direct way? Being upfront and honest about the fact instead of hiding it under layers of excuses, self-separation, and judgment. From a personal perspective, I have way more respect for a woman that knows that she is using her sexuality as a tool and/or that she desires to use it as a tool than a woman that hides and tries to cover this fact up and doesn’t own her power. At least these women are tapping into themselves in some way as opposed to the woman that has duty sex and gives her body away for things, feelings, experiences, but hides behind religion, obligation, or it coming from a lack of self-empowerment. I would much rather a woman stand in her power and directly ask for money for her body than having obligational duty sex and disempowering herself. Not that it is ideal, but she is at least owning what she is choosing to sell her body, unlike the average woman.

Although I stated at the beginning of this that all women had prostituted themselves in some way, I don’t think all women continue to do this in their lives. I believe the average woman in America does this frequently because we are raised in a society that promotes this type of thinking through media, pornography, religious doctrines, and teaching our girls to separate from their desires, needs, and emotions while teaching our young boys in a backhanded way that sex is something owed.

Though it doesn’t have to be this way for women! The second a woman knows that her sexuality is indeed powerful and begins to live in alignment with her true desires, then she has begun to take a step out of this process. When we start to only have sex when we truly desire it, to not allow sex to be an obligation or something owed, then sex becomes something deeper. By also recognizing and forgiving ourselves when we ‘fall down’ and do indeed use our sex/bodies as a form of commerce, then we also take a step forward. The second we begin to revel in our sexuality and bodies in the way that God meant and for us to delight in our passions and desire, then we also take a step away from this cultural standard. And if you do choose to continue to use commerce in your sexing that you, at the very least, own it! Own it as an empowered choice and something you desire and separate from B.S. excuses.

This all does not mean that you’re not ever going to accept a man buying you a drink, taking you out for an evening, or giving you a gift. No, this means that you allow yourself to be in the feminine and receptive mode, but only step into sex if your heart is in it. It is you asking for what you desire at the moment, whether this be to have sex or not to have sex. It’s if you are married that you don’t give your man oral sex just to get him off your back, or because it is a special occasion. It is allowing yourself to play in your sexuality, sensuality, and allowing it to be powerful, but knowing you do not owe your sex, body, or sensuality to anyone.

This is how we step out of being the average prostitute. Where in your life are you selling yourself? Where are you using your sex and your body as a sense of commerce? And if you are a man, then where might you be expecting the woman in your life to prostitute herself?

 

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Healing Marilyn Monroe

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So often women face challenges that men just simply cannot understand. Many of us having grown up with some form of sexual trauma or another, lost love, low self-esteem, a lack of understanding of our own bodies, emotions and ability to stand strong in the great feminine among other things and our sexuality causes us to be scared of intimate relationships. I recently heard that an average of 60% of the population has experienced or will experience some form of sexual abuse. This is a high number!  Sad but caused by the predators fantasies, insecurities and thus egoic attempts to control, take and dominate their victims in some sexual fashion. For those who have suffered rape in some form or another, sexual abuse from someone they loved/trusted or a stranger, they find themselves sexually bullied by another. Often the violator does not realize what they have done, the damage they have caused, the roadblocks in peoples lives that they have installed. They may assume that it was theirs for the taking or owed to them for some reason, even asked for. Often this can even happen in marriages or love relationships as well. These cases are even more so taboo to speak of in our society but are causing darkness in our world.  

For women, weather they are awake spiritually or not, sex is not the same as it for a man. As women, we are the ones who have to open

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ourselves, be vulnerable, be penetrated. Sex takes place inside us. It can bring us to great heights of pleasure yes, but only when done in love, trust and willingness can the women experience a taste of heaven. Sex is VERY spiritual! It is also extremely emotional, and psychological.  Even when a women lays down with her lover or spouse and falls into the trap of “duty sex” it is far beyond skin on skin friction to her. In these instances it is emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically damaging to her. She becomes a victim of the event. She becomes a victim to her penetrator, even if she loves and trusts him. She becomes a prisoner within herself.  This sort of sexual trauma, as well as typical rape cases, molestation, physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse and the sheer fact that as a society we shun and hush any open talk about the effects this plays on the female population in a whole has caused women to shut down. To diminish their great light in this world and to trust their male counterparts wholly. The female spirit of the world consciousness is damaged from the over run abuse that the female population has carried for thousands of years if not more. As the consciousness of our plant switches, as we transcend through the cosmic storms of the universe and the astrological alignments and make way into the dawning of a new reality, one on the bright side of dooms day prophecies, we MUST heal our sex.  

In my working mainly with men, over the course of my practice so far; I have learned that the majority are longing for the intimacy lost in their relationships. Connection and touch being at the peak of what they crave. As men become more consciously aware of the damage of the female energies in this world and the role the man has played in it, they also awaken to new feelings within themselves. They can start to connect first internally to the feminine energies that they too house. The healing of the ying/yang in our internal worlds is the starting point for ALL physical, emotional, spiritual and mental healing. Quantum Core Energetix and other forms of energetic bodywork are specially designed to help attune the cellular levels of the body so that it vibrates at a new frequency and the energy centers (Chakras) can spin freely and properly move the life force energy. These types of healing touch practices also clear out the physical storage of traumas. Great emotional releases happen. Acceptance for oneself, the path we have walked and are walking, the people in our lives and forgiveness toward ourselves and others all manifest through such healing works.    

I have been blessed to work with many incredible gentlemen over the course of my practice. The honor they bring is amazing. The open and loving hearts and souls. I feel extremely blessed to be a part of so many divine gentleman’s lives. Hearing about their trials and tribulations, the birth of new events, businesses, relationships and awakenings of purpose are only the tip of the ice berg of connection that I enjoy with so many. Often I find myself feeling not just like a practitioner with these souls but like a friend or comrade. Someone that is there to lend an ear, a new chalk board of ideas, unconditional love and friendship even. I can honestly say that I love all of my clients. Even the ones who have tested my waters of patience. Even the ones that I have had the obligation to fire because they could not withstand the ego and allowed their self-limited consciousness to manifest in negative groping behaviour. I honestly hold no ill will toward anyone, but instead find myself being asked to take seat in a new quest.  

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The quest to heal the Goddess. If men are to ever experience the intimacy that they so long for, the ability to feel like “real men” again and to learn to not take but to receive, then healing of the great feminine must take place. Women need to be confident enough to make eye contact with a man in the grocery store and not feel like he will approach her for a date or make some inappropriate comment. Women must learn again how to dance in the feminine energy and allow men to open doors for them, to give an appropriate compliment and it not be perceived as sexual harassment. Women must learn to trust in themselves and to embrace their sexuality in fullness. To allow the inner goddess, the Marilyn Monroe  and the Mother Theresa of our souls out to shine unconditional love, acceptance, nurturing, sexual confidence, spiritual power and the inner child of joy and happiness on this world.

      It is sad but true, and even a blind man can see it, women in the world are buying into self-victimization of their bodies, their desires, and their souls. They are allowing the deepening of the pain and believing that they can mask it with anti-depressants, alcohol, affairs, commitments to surface level events, gossip, religion, and many OCD cover ups. As a women throws herself into bleaching the baseboards for the third time in the month, and increases her commitment to the PTA of her child’s school, changes her anti-depressant medicine because the last one was not quiet good enough and further blinds herself with the newest reality TV show and a glass of her favorite wine, she is supporting her prison. This is all masking. This is NOT the life of a goddess, it is not the life the Creator wants any of us to live. It is a hopeless attempt to survive instead of transform our pain.      

      Transformation starts with rage. Yes, I said rage. First we have to allow ourselves to feel the anger, the sadness, the barried emotions. We have to allow our inner dragons to storm the village of our fears so that they can fly us to the highest heights of heaven after. As we learn to see and even embrace our shadow lands we to will see the light. For where the greatest darkness is so is the greatest light. We are each a diamond in the rough. The pressure that has been applied to us has happened for a reason. No matter how dark our trouble may seem in the moment it is falling on us, no matter how the memories of the traumatic events bring rise to tears, a speedy heart beat, or stomach ache, even anger, it is all a gift. It is up to each “victim” to see that they are not a victim, they are not a survivor, they are a Goddess in training. Only through our own pain, our own tears and bloodshed can we learn to fully embrace another unconditionally. When we learn to support, unconditionally love and accept ourselves and all our shit with it, can we truly be able to do the same for another at a deep level. It is true you can NEVER understand another until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Life provides us with these opportunities so that we can each step forward into the light of transformation so that we can find our calling, our purpose, our “Work of Love” that will help the transition of our planet into more peaceful times.    

As women, we must realize that we are naturally more in tune to the spiritual aspects of life then men. We each have chosen to come here to help the men in our lives evolve into greater, more loving and conscious souls. It is OUR obligation to Heal Our Sex so that our men can be birthed into the Great Divine and the further Awakening of this planet can happen.  

From my Sexual Healing Soul to Yours, Namaste’

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