Speak Up Your Life.

Speak Your Vibe Up!
Speak it,
yell it,
talk about it.
You speak things into existence.
So be effing conscious of what you are manifesting.
The last few days I have been working with a bunch of people,
beautiful souls each and every one of them,
intelligent, courageous, strong, passionate, spiritual, loving people.
This is my tribe.
These are my clients.
And I am so proud of where each of them are and how they keep witnessing themselves and loving themselves into greatness.
However, the last few weeks there is a running theme.
And the theme is shitty talking,
I mean trash talk. Not smut talk, not crazy sexual talk,
but sheer trash thoughts that don’t make them feel good about life or self.
I see them getting caught up in loops of pain and suffering,
using terms such as,
“I can’t.”
“I tried.”
“I am stuck.”
And so many others.
These words are speaking them down.
Down in vibration.
Down in thought.
Down in emotion.
Down in movement and growth,
healing.
My response typically lands me a middle finger response or a “F – You!” as they don’t enjoy being told to STOP IT.
It’s not that easy to just STOP IT.
Beacuse these words are so natural and they are clarity based on relaity. There is passion around these words of “I can’t and I tried.”
It is a natural statement and feels so authentic.
But I want to bring you into a different reality,
the reality that if you are going through something similar as my client shere and feel like you are struggling, that you have been working your butt off but barely making it, that you have tried and tried and tried, but life just keeps showing you pain and struggle,
that you can change it.
You can speak up your vibration.
You can focus your words into creating a different reality for you to observe.
So instead of saying “I can’t”
Try saying “OMG! this _______________ is so amazing. It is the most magnificent thing.”
Skip the I can and go straight to the creation of what you are wanting.
For instance….
Say you are making $50,000 a year but you want to make more. You are putting in the time and effort but you are not seeing any change in income yet,
instead of saying,
” I am trying to figure out a way to make extra money to offset things but nothing seems to be popping for me.”
Say…(to yourself outloud in the mirror)
“I am so excited, I just made an extra $500 this week!”
“I am earning $75,000) this year, it’s magnificent.”
When we use words such as magnificent, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, incredible they carry with them a higher vibration. We instantly change our energy.
But what is more important to realize here is that our words,
all of them CREATE.
They are the nails, the boards and the glue of our lives manifestations. From our words we build what our life experience is. And this is why so many people are struggling with their health, wealth and relationships.
Just yesterday I was speaking with a beautiful young woman that I am currently working with and I shared with her that when I turned 30 years old everyone around me told me how it was all downhill from here. That I was going to feel the age, I was going to gain weight and could not lose it, that I would start to get sick more and end up on medications and that I was now old.
I laughed about that and said, “That’s not my reality. My 30’s are going to be magnificent. Playful, healthy and strong.” I told myself how beautiful I was and how great I felt.
And guess what, it was so.
When I turned 40 I heard all the same shiz.
Except people told me that I was lucky that it did not happen in my 30’s, but now….
now it was for sure going to happen.
I was on the back side of my life.
And here I am at 44, mother to seven, and I feel great.
I get told all the time I don’t look my age,
I have vitality.
I take no medications.
And I still speak up my vibration to,
“That’s not my reality.”
I keep speaking my reality to what I want and I speak it daily in my thoughts,
to myself in the mirror,
I allow myself to act youthful,
I play,
I enjoy adventures,
I enjoy life.
And so it is that my life experience corresponds to what I am speaking into existence.
So many folks do the opposite though and they grow old and sickly just because they believe that when they hit a certain number of age that that’s the way it is supposed to be and they speak their lives down.
This is true with any subject area of our lives.
We can speak it up or we can speak it down.
So if you are one of the naysayers to your life and you are speaking about how you can’t, or how you are struggling,
how life is hard, how much pain you are in, how much crap keeps happening to you,
then all I can say is….
STOP IT!
Stop creating your misery.
Life is not doing anything to you that you are not asking for.
That you are not speaking into your experience.
And the more you play those negative records on replay,
the more you emotionalize the fear and pain, the struggle and drama,
and believe that its normal,
that its just the way it is because of your age, your income status, your sex, your country or religion,
the more you create with certainty.
It does not have to be that way though.
You can SPEAK UP YOUR VIBRATION,
thus the things that attract into your life expereince.
But you have to be willing to take responsibility for what you are saying to self and to everyone you come into conversation with.
You must watch your words.
They have power.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to Speak Up Your Vibe to Manifest the Life that You Really want to be living?
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Why Things Are Not Manifesting For You: You Are Missing This Most Likely

The comment that rings loud to me from today is, “You can see who is in integrity. You cannot manifest over $22k overnight if you are not!”

Yes this comment.

So true is the statement that I knew I had to share it.
If you question WHY things are not happening for you in your manifestation process,
look no further than your integrity.

Integrity is key.

It is integrity with soul.
It is integrity with God.

And it is integrity with the world around us and the people in our lives.

We cannot manifest at the levels of blessing that we are intended to out of integrity unless we do so with a darkness attached which will only posses us somewhere down the road.

And cast ill karma onto our lives.

If you want clean manifestation that comes with ease and massive flow,
then you must not try and by pass the key component of integrity.

You must stand clear within yourself.
Clear within your relations with others.
You must listen to your soul and stop the actions of ego.

It may seem like it would be an easy thing to do.
After all,
all you are being asked to do is to stand in your own truth and speak it. Act it. and show up for and in it.

But the reality is that we humans love drama.
We are addicted to drama.
And we bask in our suffering.

It may sound sick,
and it is.

However, it still is human nature to do just this.
So we create our stories,
we share our tales,
and we devour the attention they bring us.

never realizing that we are sacrificing all of our dreams and desires,
our souls mission,
for this fraction of “feeling alive” through self created drama for attention.

Sad but true.

Many a time,
we find ourselves acting from the place of our inner fearful, self-centered bratty twelve year old state.
We throw our fit.
We beg for understanding.
We stop and we demand.
We point fingers in blame.
And we tell more tales in hopes of gaining a compassionate ear.

Weaving these tales until we can no longer find ourselves,
we continue on this spinning drama cycle where when we finally stop to breathe,
we meet reality.

The harsh back hand of reality swings over our lives and screams for us to wake up.

Our world has crumbled.
We are in the wreckage alone.
The power is still ours.
It has always been ours.

But we must face our addiction,
we must put down the need to feed on the drama.
If we ever want the opportunity to manifest the blessings that God wants for our lives.

Here we stand.
Here we weep.
Here we must come,
battered and bruised from the wounding of the drama we self- inflicted and the lessons we refused to handle in love and grace.

The answer has not changed.
The answer still remains.

Integrity is key.

Standing strong in it we create our blessings.
We manifest our desired life.
Our F-ck Yes Life!

And we smile.

Without it we fall.
Our world crumbles with every touch of our hand.

And we weep in not understanding.

Not understanding that all we ever had to do was be in our truth,
step into our soul alignment.
And live from here.

Integrity.

Will you step into it with me?
Will you embrace your self blessing power?

Or will you turn away and continue to wonder why?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me for 5 Intensive Weeks in a LIVE Global Facebook Workshop Starting October 22nd, 2018. Where I show you how to Embrace Your Power and Claim Your Life. Learn how a single mom of seven developed the skills to go from fear and scarcity, making $17k a year to abundance and joy making a multi-six figure income a year.

I will be sharing mind shift strategies that I have adapted through the years to manifest the Freedom Based Life that I now live today.

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How to Make An A*s Out Of Yourself.

Assumptions.

Have you ever noticed how feakin’ wrong you can be on things?

Have you ever just stopped and questioned why you are so persistent, so dead set on making sure that things go the way you believe they are already even in the face of reality that it is not?

Life is really funny, isn’t it?

We get involved with relationship,

all sorts of relationship and then sh*t happens and we assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling. When in fact we don’t have an effing clue.

What we are listening to, is nothing more than the babble in our heads.

This babble stems from our own insecurities and fears, not from TRUTH.

This babble is our ego’s  ignited and trying to dictate to us all that we really don’t want, but are likely to lean more into because we believe what is false.

I have done my fair share of assuming for sure.

I have been on the receiving end of assumptions as well.

Neither side is good.

Recently I was part of the babbling game of assumptions and it lead me to having to make a post on facebook to “try” and clear some things up.  However the issue with assumptions is that the one’s that are having the assumptions made on them go into the defense ( much like I have had to do) and this in the short run, prevents further clear communication as we are grasping for air to be seen, heard and witnessed in truth, all the while the assumptions are dumping them selves out and messing up the truth.

Making it hard if not impossible on the front side to see anything for what it is UNLESS one REALLY wants the truth and investigates it.

Which often NEVER happens.

Why?

Because we HUMAN.

And we humans love a good drama story.

The truth often is not as dramatic, exciting or full of gossip and luster as the assumptions.

Assumptions are like the telephone game we use to play as children.

You know the one.

I whisper something in your ear, you whisper what you heard in someone else’s and it goes around the circle as such until the last person speaks what they were told and the original person gets to say, “yes that is what I said, or no here is what I actually said.”

This is ASSUMPTIONS.

Assumptions can destroy people if they let them.

Assumptions are the basis of rumors and gossip.

Assumptions alter our thinking and beliefs about situations, people and even ourselves.

When we buy into an assumption, we allow the darkness of an untruth half baked lie to plant it’s seed in us and all our actions, thoughts and feelings moving forward are based ( no matter how hard we try) on the foundation of an assumption.

So let me get REAL with you guys so you can see the potential damage of an assumption.

TRUTH BOMB coming your way.

Here is what I shared on facebook to help clear up the assumptions that have been floating around my world lately.

See if you can guess what the assumptions were that caused my need to share this. Feel free to post your thoughts below. 🙂

———————————————————————————————–

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!! It has come to my attention that there are many misunderstanding floating around in recent and over the last year or so. I am taking this moment to share the truth since these rumors are making it back to me from multiple sources. 
1) I am NOT a prostitute, whore, tantric masseuse or bodyworker.
2) I do NOT sleep with my clients. I do NOT sleep with other women’s men either. 
3) I AM a life coach that focuses in on sexuality issues such as shame, guilt, orgasm issues, and health issues. I primarily focus in on relationship issues and sex is a major component to these.
4) I DO teach sexuality and relationship workshops and classes. They are NOT orgies, they are classes.
5) I DO coaching in the same fashion that other life coaches do (i.e. talk therapy base)
6) Most of my work these days is done through phone coaching and online courses.
7) I have been in an open relationship with my previous partner for almost 7 years. That was my first open relationship ever. We both had other lovers and knew about them. This was public knowledge for anyone close to us. 

8) My focus in life is as follows God, Family, Healing, Work

If anyone reading this would like a more in depth conversation or conformation on these things then please just ask me to share. I am happy to set the record straight about anything you may want to know or have been told.I am extremely disappointed in certain people who claim to not want drama and want to live an authentic life sharing these false truths.Truth ALWAYS comes out.Moving forward. 
Working on forgiveness around MANY things.
This song sums it up well.Blessings to all of you caught in the middle. 
———————————————————————————————-
Assumptions.
Fun stuff.
The way through assumptions is INQUIRY.
If you really want to know something NEVER EVER take the words of someone else, do your homework. Do the investigation and effing inquire with the person that you are questioning.
Often you find where the assumptions that you have been told are coming from, and how much is truth and how much is made up of the babble in someone’s else’s head.
Instead of blowing up relationships and worlds,
try a more peaceful emphatic approach of compassion and inquiry.
Use your words and your feelings to get the bottom of something.
Especially if you care at all about the person or people that you are hearing things about or speaking about.
We humans love our drama circles.
We love creations.
We love talking about things.
But in all of this,
what we accomplish is the creation of an illusion.
We support a potential lie.
When in doubt,
look at the source.
Look at the wounding.
Look at what you have always know of the person you are assuming things about.
And keep in mind Jesus words, ” Let those of you who have no sin cast the first stone.”
The reality is that assumptions are stones of judgment.
And judgement’s against us or others are often highly wrong.
Do unto others what you have done to you.

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

 

 

Dear God, Please Fix Them…

“Dear God please help heal them so that I will feel better.”

“Dear God please get them to change so that I can feel better.”

 

“Dear God please send your angels down to comfort them so that I can get on with my life, they are bugging me.”

 
Yeah God, can you get on that?
 
Right now, PLEASE!
 
They are not doing what I want.
They are not acting the way that makes me feel good.
They are making choices that make me upset.
 
OMFG!
 
How many times if you get right with yourself do you have to admit that this is exactly what you are meaning when you are praying for someone else, or when you are dealing with a relationship?
 
You may have laughed or found yourself bewildered at my statements above, but if you dare dig into your heart you might be surprised at what you discover.
 
You might have to actually REALIZE that these statements are not far from home for you.
 
I know they are not to far from home for me.
I continuously work at letting go of my need to control a situation and other people’s choices, however I still fall into my ego and catch myself doing just this.
 
I find myself in this pile of sh*t,
a.k.a. DRAMA
 
And then somewhere in the shifting through it I come to realize that I have done it yet again.
 
I went and stuck my nose into someone else’s business or tried to interfere with God’s business.
 
Seem’s goofy, but it is true.

 

If you think you are above this but you:

 
Find yourself worried about the outcome of something,
Find yourself worried or concerned about what choice/action someone else is going to take,
Find yourself sad or in anxiety over a choice or action that someone else did,
Find yourself angry at how someone is not seeing, hearing or understanding you,
Find yourself constantly getting people to show up in your life telling you that you should do this or that,
Or you have constant interactions with people who are, well let’s just call them “haters”

Then GUESS WHAT…

 
You are caught in someone else’s or God’s business.
You are NOT tapping into WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Yesterday, I was on the phone with a young man who I care about, but am very upset with the choices that he has recently made in his life and how they have impacted someone very close to me.
 
I had been requested to reach out to him and hold space, as he was going through some really tough events and needed a “sesh with mom” as it was put to me ( although he is not actually my child, I have the ability to show up and mom him, he will hear it from me).
 
Initially when this request was made of me, I instantly felt myself stepping to ego and thinking to myself, “well he just needs to change because I mad at him for this, this, and this.”
 
I felt VERY JUSTIFIED in my anger toward him too.
Thank goodness for doing your inner work,
because I quickly saw my ego and realized that this was not a reaction from my core, my soul.
 
So I said, yes to the request and asked if there was any insight that I needed before calling him,
 
the response was simple, ” I am going to respect him and let him share everything.”
 
This statement came to me with a gut wrenching feeling and thought that I had no reason to think. It was one of those moments when you find yourself questioning, WHY? would I even think that.
 
Yet, I had this feeling in my gut and this VERY BAD thought of what he was going to share with me. So I texted back the person asking me to hold space for this young man, with okay and I shared quickly what had come into me in that moment. Then said that I prayed I was wrong. The response back gave no answer to my feeling, just said call him.
 
Well, I quickly found out that my feeling and thought were accurate.
 
I had been given a psychic message.
My intuition was dead on correct.
My heart dropped as I listened to the tears, the words and the energy.
 
All my anger still sat there with me for the actions that I was mad about prior, but now I felt deep empathy, compassion and even sadness for what he had been through.
 
My ego tried to creep in here and there with, “Karma is a bitch.”
And perhaps it can be.
 
The truth is that due to a lack of alignment is why this event happened.
It was not punishment.
It was not karma.
It was lack of alignment to himself.
 
And here is the thing…
 
We all get out of alignment.
Matter a fact, many of us are out of alignment MOST OF THE TIME.
 
When we are out of alignment with our core.
Our soul.
Our heart.
we are out of alignment with GOD.
 
From here stems ALL of our pain and suffering.
From here comes our neediness and expectation of others to be some other way to make us happy.
From here comes our sabotage.
From here we finger point, blame, shame and guilt.
From here we reside in ego
NOT in love.
 
When we are in alignment, we can open up to love and compassion.
 
For self and others.
We do not expect ANYONE to fix us,
make us feel someway or another.
 
We do not hate, or even really see the ugliness of humanity.
We see that we are all human.
We see that we are all guilty of all the same shit, just at different levels.
We see our lostness in another.
We see our non-alignment in another.
We see our beauty in another.
We see our divinity in another.
 

No matter how that person is choosing to show up, we see our REFLECTION.

 
I chose to reflect love, compassion, forgiveness and presence for this young man yesterday.
 
I chose to instead of judge and damn, to open my heart and risk.
I chose to instead of shut down and armor up to lean in and hold space.
 
I chose to see myself, feel my pain as well as my GREATNESS and beauty. My fear and trust.
 
In choosing these things,
Perhaps,
just perhaps,
I cracked open a door to healing for this young man.
 
Here is to a day,
a day of living from your heart.
From your core.
From your soul
From alignment.
 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Wanting, Willing & Taking – Understanding Desire

” A gift unopened is a gift not valued.”- KW

threesome

” There I lay with my legs spread wide open as I looked my lover in the eye’s. He was sweating, heated, passionate. Full of arousal and pleasure. His turn on was fulfilling at a deep level. With every thrust of his cock I could sense that this experience was beyond his anticipation and I was honored that I could gift him with it. As he thrusted himself into another’s woman pussy and she was devouring mine I could tell that the sheer act that I would be open to another woman going down on me and to make matters even more divine that she would be eating me out while he was having his way with her doggy style and getting to watch her enjoying me was by far the best Christmas present I could have come up with.

As she gasped for air and moaned from her pleasure and turn on he too became more aroused and leaned deeper into his own pleasure. From my vantage their joy and pleasure were beyond beauty. I found myself caught not in pleasure, not in rapture or orgasm of the physical realms but that of a deep emotional love for this man. In this moment I truly was not body present, if anything I was physically turned off from my own orgasm, but what I had discovered was a sexual giving that could not be touched and a beauty and appreciation for this world and our sex that I did not understand prior.

The adventure moved forward and before long I found myself in a 69 position with this woman and my partner now taking turns fucking her pussy up close and personal not more that a few inches away from eyes and face and then occasionally pulling out of her and thrusting deep into my mouth. Every time he switched from pussy to mouth or vise versa I could see the pulsing energy of his cock expand and he wanted so badly to take all that he could out of this moment. Once again I found myself hearing her moans, feeling her body on top of mine, her breathing changing and her body quivering, her pussy dripping with juices and wanting more but I could not feel her tongue, her lips and fingers as they danced along my vulva and found themselves in me. No, once again I was not able to truly drop down into my body and feel what was happening. But I could feel the high orgasmic energy of my partner and of our playmate. In this instance I found a new arousal yet again, it was a sort of mystery and joy combined in some sexual dance as I watched his cock and balls penetrate and slap up against her and then felt him not just quiver but literally vibrate as he penetrated my mouth. Holding his very hard cock deep in my throat, just past that tight spot I could get little gasps of air as he pulsed and moaned. This, this made me aroused. This activated me some.

Before long I was now on my back, our playmate sitting back sharing how great her view was. My pussy wide open before her and my partner now between my legs now taking me fully while she watched and masturbated to our live lovemaking scene. I could hear her moan, I could smell her in the room. His groans and growls with his ever deepening penetration was a turn on but once again, it was a mental and emotional turn on, it was a deeply intimate affair that made my heart leap with joy but my orgasm was no where to be found physically.”

This was a small take away from my first ever threesome with another woman. I had decided that I was going to gift my partner with something that he had always desired. A fantasy of his and I was over joyed that the whole experience was so beautiful. I still hold so much gratitude to the woman that we chose to share this moment with and who helped to deepen our intimacy as a couple. I wanted to gift the man I love with something I knew he had never been given and I was ecstatic that I was a woman who was willing to play in territories that were not always comfortable or about myself. I had not always been this way, my self-doubt, guilt, shame and concepts of giving and receiving had changed tremendously through the years and still do from time to time as I learn about myself and my own needs and desires. However I can say that the ability to share oneself without a need to receive is something that I cherish in myself. I also cherish the fact that I am extremely comfortable stating my boundaries and desires as well as needs in these areas.

As much as I love to give without receiving I also am not afraid to ask for what I desire. I have learned that giving of this nature can only happen when I myself am in a state of fullness and even better if my cup runneth over with orgasmic bliss already, as in these times are when I am not only willing to give and excited about it, but I want to give freely. In such moments I find my orgasm in others. I feel it when they express their joy, their pleasure. I feel my turn on not in the physical but in my heart and I experience a deeper layer of orgasmic living through this. These moments to me are very unsexual. They are playful education that help me remain in a state of acceptance, appreciation and openness.

This is where one’s willingness and wanting come together in a perfect dance to share love with someone in a special format that is not often understood by any of the parties in the moment it is happening. This is sharing of the unconditional sort.

Willingness Vs. Wanting

We all think that we understand the difference of these two. It seem’s pretty simple. Does it not?

“I am willing to help you move this weekend even though I actually want to just crash and veg on the couch because I am exhausted from the week.”

“I want to go to see Doctor Strange but am willing to see Moana instead.”

These are simple things to see the act of willingness with. The act of giving to another and not doing exactly what we want in the moment so that another can have pleasure with us, or through us  or accomplish something that they might need or want to but would like our help with. This does not make the person receiving self-centered. It does allow them to be selfish though and selfishness is not a bad thing as long as we are willing to be grateful for it, give back when possible and do not ever put another into a situation of harm or trauma.

When we are self-centered we tend to not be concerned about others. In these times we express our desires for what we feel are our needs or wants and we do not stop to think about the cost to others, nor do we care. When we are self-centered we are like a bull in a friends china shop and we disregard everything but what we are focused on. We also typically do not allow for space to occur for someone else to make a decision of how they feel or if they want, are willing or otherwise around whatever we are pushing for.

Let me share a brief story to help clarify self-centeredness in sexing:

A few years back I worked with a couple and the main spiff they had was around anal sex. The man loved anal sex and the woman occasionally liked it but most of the time was not interested as it was not her major turn on and she had even been hurt during it a few times. The husband could not understand why his wife would not always enjoy this practice so he thought that if he insisted on doing it more consistently and “assured her” that she liked it during the process that she would get a clue and start to enjoy it as much as he did.

When I spoke to the husband he always shared his concern that she was not understanding how great this act was or her own pleasure. He was convinced that her complaints were false and that for some reason she was just trying to take away his pleasure. When I spoke with the wife she shared that it hurt horribly and his aggressive nature, lack of asking her if she was wanting or even willing to play like this caused her a lot of stress. She was ready to pull the plug on the marriage if it continued. And she did in the end. The husband was shocked that she would divorce him for asking for what he wanted and it being such a small matter at that.

This couple shares a true tale of one partner being self-centered and ONLY concerned about his own pleasure and gratification. To the point of insisting that his wife did not understand what was happening with her own body and emotions.

That is not selflishness though!

Selfishness is another animal all together. We miss use the word all the time and therefore tend to wrap guilt and shame around something that is actually needed and we should have more of.
Yes I just said that you and I alike NEED to be selfish more!

Selfishness is when we ask for what we need. Selfishness does not mean that we will always get what we are asking for or that we should, it simply says that we know that we need something and that we know that we need to take care of ourselves. If we need another to help us fulfill this then we need to ask for it but if we can achieve it without another or can look elsewhere then often it is more than okay to do this as long as we remain in openness and integrity.

An example of being selfish would be:

After I had my seventh child I was having a really tough time gaining feeling back in my vaginal walls. It took me almost twice as long as previous postpartums. That did not stop my libido though, but the over tiredness and toddler who slept between my partner and myself plus the newborn did not make for the best of grounds for getting back in the saddle. On top of it when my partner and I had sex I could hardly feel him and could not orgasm. This all started doing a mind fuck on me and I found myself not interested in sex with my partner the way that I wanted to be. I knew that I was depleted of orgasmic energy and all the good hormones that get released and help support our bodies emotionally, mentally and physically when we are full on orgasm. I knew that if I did not get this soon that I would sink into depression even further and my old programs would have a better grip on me than normal. I knew that if I did not take care of myself and frequently that I would loose so much of myself and not be able to give to the world any more. So I took matters into my own hands and got SELFISH!!!!

I masturbated every morning. Being in an open relationship also allowed me to ask for more sex with not just my one partner but to pull in my other partner as well and start working my orgasm out in anyway possible. I asked my partners to go down on me, I asked to use toys, I even created some hot scenes that were playful and shared them and said that I wanted to try them. From someone looking in they may have said, ” This woman is a sex addict, she needs help, she is not thinking about anyone but herself.” They would have been right about one thing, I needed help, I needed to help myself and be selfish and I needed support from those who loved me.

Wanting, willing and taking. When we fully understand the differences we should be able to see the positive and negative that they all carry with them, just like anything in life.

Sometimes our wanting is so strong that it makes us forget about others. Other times our wanting is an act of sharing or a desire that we hope will be granted or at least heard in love and acceptance so that we can feel closer and more seen.

Our willingness is often based on one of three things:

*Love or care for another
*Guilt
*Compromise or control

The last two are based in fear and not even acts of selflessness, but acts of victim-hood and an inability to stand up for our own needs and boundaries. The first is based in love and often is unconditional and if it is conditional we are quick to set our terms.

When we speak of taking, it sounds so mean. Like we are stealing something or causing harm to another by taking. This is only sometimes true. Once again look at the motive behind the act. Look at the act itself. And most importantly realize that in any healthy relationship that one can ONLY take what is offered otherwise it is not a healthy relationship to start with. If you are taking without  being offered then you need to examine your actions and realize that you are causing trauma. If you take something that is being offered  authentically with no ill emotional back lash (i.e. guilt) then you are honoring your relationship and the gift bestowed upon you.

We take forcefully and we also take what we are being gifted. Ask yourself which it is and then choose wisely.

Honor those you love through the  act of unconditional sharing and through the art of receiving. Remember that the gifts given that are unconditional are often the most beautiful.

—KW
*Image from Samarel Liquid Erotica