WHY I DON’T DO BIRTH CONTROL HORMONES….
And WHY I don’t believe that any conscious woman should.
That sounds crazy right?
Birth control is a smart thing.
And science has created a way for us to take charge of if we have children or not. There are so many options in today’s world from a multitude of birth control pills, shots, films, sponges, rings, etc. etc.
Not only are we protected 99.9% from unwanted pregnancy but we also can have clearer skin, lighter periods even fewer periods and have certainty as to when our flow is. Something that can get altered when you are not on hormone based birth control.
Birth control puts the woman in a power position for sure.
But here is the thing…
Before you string me up to crucify me and say well Kendal, no wonder you have seven children, you don’t do birth control. I want to share a few scientific things with you after my intimacy share on my seven children.
You see many years ago, like 29 years ago I was fifteen years old.
I was a virgin. Never even been kissed. And I had regular periods that were always on time, I had clear skin because I have always been conscious of the food going in my body, my skin’s health and hydration. So no pimply faced girl here, even back then.
AND there were zero boys in my world.
But my mom, being a concerned mom for her little girl that was becoming a woman took me to the gyno and told me that I needed to get on birth control to….(ready for the silliness…)
Get my period regulated and help with my skin, limit my breakouts.
My argument was that I did not want chemicals in my body when there was no reason for them. And the reasons given made no sense for all that I already shared that my mom knew clearly.
But mom said, so I did.
But I started taking birth control pills regardless of the facts.
Of course not long thereafter a boy popped up in my world.
And after a year of dating we had sex.
Unprotected sex because I was on the pill, so we had nothing to worry about.
We had a ton of unprotected sex.
Because there was nothing to worry about.
And no one bothered to inform me of anything different.
Condoms were known of,
they were spoken of,
but no one made a big deal out of them,
it was all about the pill.
Time went on and the boy and I broke up.
I quickly ( like 3 months later, quickly) found myself in bed with a man, who would become my husband shortly thereafter. We moved quickly into sex, unprotected sex because we had nothing to worry about, I was on the pill.
Well life got crazy, and I missed a pill.
Not knowing that I was fertile myrtle, I ended up pregnant right off the bat from one missed pill.
Welcome to the world child #1.
After birthing her, I got back on the pill,
one month I developed a bladder infection and took medication for it that canceled out my birth control but the doctor did not warn me and I was young and undereducated, and so welcome child #2.
Then… then I got smart…
I decided to get this new thing called the Depo Shot…
and my marriage was unhappy as hell so I ended up cheating on my husband, well the Depo Shot had no clue how fertile I was, because somehow someway it did not work and welcome child #3.
I had no clue what had taken place and my doctor suggested that I go on this other new birth control pill because it was to be really good, AND it supposedly would not cause the weight gain, the mood changes or fatigue that I was getting from the Depo Shot…
and so I did.
Well life got stressful again,
and we moved residences, we fought horribly, we moved again, and somehow in the midst of the chaos I ended up pregnant again.
Welcome child #4.
I grew tired of all the keeping track of four children under 10 and the pill that had to be taken at the same time each day or it would fuck up, plus my moods were no better. I was feeling lost in myself.
So I went back to the Depo Shot, thinking that maybe after all these years it got better. At very least I only had to deal with it once every three months. In the midst of depression and despair I found myself on the Depo Shot, 30 pounds heavier then what I should be and pregnant yet again with child #5. The doctor could not understand how I could get pregnant two times on the depo shot without any medication interference, but it happened.
And THEN my husband had had enough….
He got clipped.
And I got off ALL hormone based birth control.
And you know what happened?
I found myself again.
The weight dropped off with ease.
My mind cleared.
My mood stabilized.
My periods were not as fierce and painful.
My immune system improved.
I felt so much better.
but now I had one massive issue.
Every time I had sex with my husband,
my body rejected the sex.
I would break out in a burning mess.
My pussy was pissed at the experience.
And I was not wanting anything to do with him.
I was unattracted, turned off and could not bring myself to even really be willing to go into any sexual experience with him.
At one point I even thought I might be allergic to his semen.
And so that thought led me down a path of discovery.
Turned out that we women can be allergic to a man’s semen.
Also turns out that hormone based birth control has a major impact on a woman’s immune system, and moods.
And do you want to know what the most astounding tidbit that I discovered was and is the MAIN REASON why I am sharing this post… the main reason why I do not take it and instead preach condoms… (outside of the sheer fact that the birth control pill does not protect against disease of any sort)…
“…contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences, women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes. Prior studies have provided evidence for this hypothesis, indicating that women who had used hormonal contraceptives when they first met their partner and then ceased to take them experience lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction5 and are more likely to get divorced….” (Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., is a professor at the Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya. Psychology Today)
I believe that any conscious woman who wants to develop a truly loving and connected relationship with a man should be aware that if she is on a hormone based contraceptive that she is most likely not getting the right reading of the man.
It has been my discovery since the days of birth control and myself that my attraction is opposite to what it used to be.
After all we get into relationships not just for the purpose of starting up a family or getting a dad for our kids from our previous relationships. Typically we are looking for love and connection. We are wanting long term satisfaction, happiness and attraction to our mate. So why not create the most conscious space for it. A space where our body wisdom can be heard?
Of course that would also mean that we would have to be willing to want to hear it.
And even more importantly it would require all of us women who desire to be standing strong in our personal power to also be willing to speak our truth and ask for our needs to be met around sex and sexual practices more, instead of just spreading our legs and letting the men in our lives do as they want unconsciously.
It would require us to speak up about safe sex.
It would require us to value ourselves enough to not just ask but demand that protection be used,
and if we are truly not wanting to have any children to have the conversations with our partner(s) around this.
We are not taught as a people to have this sort of real, open relating. We are not taught as women that we can ask and even demand that our bodies be respected as we choose.
We are not warned of the possible and common complications that can impact our bodies as well as our desires and psyche from such things as contraceptives, but we are taught as women that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that we take care of that fertility thing.
I for one wish my mother had never stolen this right from me. I wish that my body had been given the opportunity to fully mature without extra hormones and all the issues that it has been known to cause on an undeveloped female productive system. I wish that I had been better educated in my youth about sex and sexual health and rights. I wish that someone had been there to guide me better and give me the option as to what to do with my body and explain everything instead of pushing me down what was considered normal and healthy, responsible.
At the end of the day,
The most loving and responsible thing we can do for ourselves as women and for the men we choose to do relationships with is to come into that relationship as OURSELVES. Not altered by chemicals.
For the same reasons it is not a healthy practice to have sex drunk or under the influence of drugs,
we should not be having sex under the influence of hormones that are not of our own bodies design.
Perhaps we would find that more people would be happy in the relationship choices that they make.
Perhaps more people would not go through all the depression and lostness if they could be authentically themselves.
Perhaps more women would not be labeled “CRAZY” if they were not being bounced around by pharmaceuticals in the pursuit to make pregnancy all the woman’s responsibility and take away the responsibility of the men to be conscious of their bodies, their control and health.
Just random thoughts from a mother of three daughters of her own.
A woman who values her relationships with men, and wants to only get involved with those that are authentically “right” for me…
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Time to claim your truth is beautiful.
Time to say yes to valuing yourself, to loving yourself and knowing who you really are.
But in order to do this you have to desire to fall in love with the real you.
And if you are looking for love and success,
but wonder why it is always just out of grasp then maybe it’s really time for you to explore your truth.
From sexual health choices to learning your authentic yes and no,
you have never been told its okay to be YOU.
I am here to reveal to you that it is more than OKAY.
It is your duty to your happiness to do just that.
Reach out to me to discover options for coaching today.
WHY DO WE AVOID OUR PLEASURE?
This is the question I sit here with,
pondering how could I have ever been so silly as to avoid everything that felt good,
to quickly turn away from positive direction,
out of fear.
Fear of anything,
fear of fucking it all up,
of not being good enough,
or maybe fear of being too much,
fear that I was not worthy of whatever it may be,
and so I turned away.
And used all my logic to make it happen and look appropriately.
I spent years doing this.
I still catch myself doing all too much in my opinion.
But I think that perhaps our biggest fear is the fear of not trusting ourselves. We have made some poor decisions in the past, so how can we trust self here?
This is the one that can get us all.
And so we often psych ourselves out from following the lead of “feel good” and we turn around out of fear that we cannot trust ourselves. That we should shut down and ignore, move away from whatever it is that we are wanting.
You see though,
we cannot just lay something down like a feeling or a desire in one area of our lives, or around the energy of one subject area of life and not expect the energy to seep out to all areas.
All of life is interwoven.
If we shut our passion down,
we start to lose passion in all areas of life.
If we shut down playfulness in one area of life,
we lose the fun in all areas of life.
We prevent ourselves from feeling all the emotions of life,
then inevitably we lose feeling for all areas of life,
and we drown in our fear of feeling.
But we humans,
we love to take things away from ourselves so that we can prove that we are good people, that we are trustworthy, loyal, committed, safe…. etc.
and we start the whole proving ourselves by doing the take away from self typically for the sake of love.
Our version of love is really great at stealing so much beauty in life.
We believe that we must not be so many things when in love,
all the things that were okay when single suddenly cannot be experienced or it be looked upon as though we have commitment issues. So no opposite sex friends ( we don’t care how long you have known them, you are in love now, you never need to speak to the opposite sex again, your love is your everything), do not be overly kind or smile, look into the eyes of the opposite sex again, do not take kindness from the opposite sex, always say no to help from anyone that is not the same sex as you unless they are your love.
We turn away from all the emotions,
the turn on, the play, the openness, the conversations even that add wisdom and creative thought into our lives.
We turn it away to “show” or should I say PROVE our love.
All of these things bring pleasure into our lives though.
We are shutting down and turning away from our pleasure,
in belief that by shutting it all down we will gain more pleasure because we now have this ….
And this relationship will fulfill our everything and we “should” not need for anything outside of this relationship.
After all that is what love gives us.
But nothing is farther from the truth.
We are still human.
We still need connections from many.
We still have much learning to do and that requires a relationship with others outside of THIS RELATIONSHIP that is to be our everything.
But we shut it down.
We shut it down hard too.
We make sure not to notice,
not to connect,
but instead to guard and hide.
We shame and guilt ourselves should we even catch the eye of someone smiling our direction, blaming ourselves for the look on our face, the laughter we were showing or the garments on our body.
And so we shame our energy.
We shame our magnetism.
We shame our joy.
We shame our turn on for life,
and the saddest truth of all is that all this shaming has us shaming our love.
Because love is not about judgement and control.
Love is not about hiding and condemning.
Love is not about sacrificing our friendships and desires.
Love is about being lifted up by another who wants the best for us and wants our joy,
wants our light to shine bright.
Not dim it.
Love wants us to enjoy life and reap the pleasures of this life.
Love wants us to bask in it and show it to the world.
which is where most of us reside when supposedly “in love”
wants to control, judge, condemn, feel jealousy and insecurity.
Ego wants you to hide who you are and change to fit the ideas and insecurities of others needs.
Ego fears all other relationships.
Ego fears your joy and your light.
Ego does not see how it turns you off and shuts you down over time in the name of love.
It believes that it is saving you,
saving your relationship,
saving your love.
Ego does not have faith.
It does not trust.
And it is quick to find fault anywhere but with itself.
Ego has us turn away from EVERYTHING that is pleasure and good for us,
but it has us run into the arms of all the pleasure that condemns us.
Ego will have us act in rage.
Ego will carry us the bottle to drink our sorrows away in.
Ego will have us “I’ll show you” as we sex with people we do not want to, to prove yet another point.
Ego will have us mask our feelings and hide with drugs and food.
Ego will get us to retract from life, to become workaholics.
Ego will do its job for sure…
the job it feels it must and that is to KEEP YOU SAFE AT ALL COST.
And it will do so under the guise of love everytime.
It will make you question yourself and your love.
And here is where we lose our power.
Here is where we lose ourselves.
Here is where we step out of alignment with SOUL, with God.
Because SOUL and God do not feel the same way about any of this that you are feeling through your ego.
The fact that you are having negative feelings, fear or insecurity, judgement and jealousy, a desire to control shows just how out of alignment you are. You could not feel this much pain if your inner self did not feel differently.
That is what being out of alignment means.
When you feel drastically different from that that your inner being feels.
And do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that TRUE LOVE ever desires for you to not shine?
For you to deny yourself joy, happiness, connection?
Do you believe that true love wants to control you?
Yet you sit there turning away from your joy,
your happiness and your expansion,
andall the pleasure that these things bring you,
based on the concept that you need to prove your love by doing just this.
I get it.
I too am guilty of this ego game.
I have shunned my truth in the face of what I thought to be love.
I have hidden myself from my truth based on fear and judgement.
I have said no to myself when I was a fuck yes because I was afriad of not being good enough or making a mistake.
I have been there.
I have made poor choices based on this ego.
I have avoided my intuition out of fear of not being able to trust myself.
And I have suffered the results.
The regret of not saying yes to living,
to growing and expanding self,
to love and connection.
To abundance and joy.
It’s a nasty bi-product of saying no to the alignment of self.
The ego is a bitch my dear.
We all have one.
Our power is reestablished by witnessing our emotions and seeing for the guidance system that they are.
Are you ready to learn your truth?
To live the life that you feel called too and love fully?
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.
Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?
Want to take action but do not know where to start?
Need a swift kick to get what you want?
Reach out to me about this global opportunity to have that F-ck Yes Life that you are wanting for now.
I have too many tabs open.
I cannot compute any longer.
My breaker box is on overload and it’s causing me to numb out.
Just this morning I was explaining to my lover that I am a person who does not do well with a bunch of unfinished projects just sitting around. It causes me stress and if I cannot get them completed by myself, if they are out of my control then I end up numbing myself out to them and thus to life.
I love dreaming things into reality.
There is no better feeling than to witness the birth of a dream being realized.
I love seeing things being built.
watching the walls of a project go up and picking out all the little details to make it my own.
I love seeing something come into reality.
It feels good.
It feels fulfilling.
It has a certain charge to it.
And it makes you want to explore more,
dream more, feel more, witness more.
But when you get too many tabs open,
you end up with chaos.
And I don’t know about you but when my outside world has too many projects to complete and I look around,
I feel overwhelmed and anxious.
I don’t know where to start and I start to doubt myself.
All my self sabotage programs come up and I start to hear the roar of you are not good enough, there is not enough of you to go around, get your shit together, you are messy, you are scattered, you are lost.
And to a degree these programs are damn f-cking correct.
I am feeling chaotic, lost and like there is not enough of me to go around.
And so, I turn myself off to feeling it.
These thoughts create a mindset that I know at my core will not do me any favors, so it is best to just disconnect from them. Shut that shit down or go into a panic or a rage about the mess of life.
My head in these times gets so overloaded with thoughts and my internal check list is longer than you can imagine.
So I attempt to shut it all down and turn away from it.
But there is a mighty big issue with this attitude that I am prone to.
You see you don’t get to just shut down one feeling.
or one thought line.
You don’t get to just turn away from this one thing,
or detach from it and look another direction without the same distancing happening there too.
That background thought processor is on overdrive and it’s running crazy.
The checklist is flashing warning lights at you when you close your eyes.
And you wake up and what are you greeted with?
All the tabs that you left open that were draining your energy even though you closed the lid to the computer to let it rest.
Closing the lid, or detaching yourself from the list of chaos that is causing you overwhelm and anxiety can work in short spurts IF…
IF you open back up shortly thereafter and get the shit taken care of.
But if you just bounce from project to project ( tab to tab)
and never finish it up you drain yourself and never allow yourself to shut fully down to recharge.
In this case recharging means,
projects complete to you can be PRESENT in the moment with whatever you are doing to relax, to step away, to charge yourself.
This includes your sex life,
playful events, dates, experiences and just chilling with the family or friends.
Lately, I have noticed that I have too many tabs open.
And it’s causing me to numb out to everything because I am burned out mentally and emotionally with things.
I am starting to feel the spin of constant thoughts that won’t leave me to rest no matter what I try to do to step away and give myself a break.
My mind is on hyper drive.
And without rest I am having trouble being present in my life,
in my sex, in my work, in my daily yoga or just watching a movie.
This lack of presence and hyperdrive of thoughts has the nasty effect of stunting desire.
And leaves you with a feeling of, “I am bored.”
And when you are bored and desireless,
you don’t have much motivation,
much turn on for life or love or creation,
you don’t really care because caring would start up those engines of anxiety and overwhelm and your tank is empty to why bother.
So hands go up to the heaven,
you drop to your knees,
leane back on the floor and say….
Too many tabs open.
It’s not a great space.
But right now in our world, I believe that many of us are feeling this way. We have been busy entertaining ourselves with home repairs, projects galore, picking up extra work, etc, etc,
and we have been more aware of all the spots in our life that we are not satisfied, that perhaps we feel blaise, or that we are just settling, just getting by.
Our souls are not designed for blaise or getting by.
We were not born with the desire to settle in life.
We are all creators.
We are all born to LIVE.
So what is the answer to, too many tabs open and what it causes in the long haul?
Close the effing tabs!
Deal with your shit.
and then allow yourself a reboot.
Give your mental, emotional and physical bodies a break.
It does not take long to recharge,
but if you keep those tabs open and just go through the motions of taking a break then you are doing yourself a disservice.
Today I encourage you to take things off your mental list by delegating, writing it down and hiring out what you can. Looking at what you actually need to get done and what you “think” you need to get done and letting go of anything that is causing you mental or emotional stress that is NOT NEEDED.
Then DO THE DAMN THINGS that will clear your tabs.
Once that’s done, go find humor.
Go find play.
And make your work be about being present in your body.
You have not allowed yourself to embody yourself all this time because your internal space was taken up with chaos and overwhelm, but now you can.
Give yourself permission to breathe into YOU.
You are worthy of THRIVING.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Learn the secrets of rebooting your life and thriving with 1:1 global access coaching now. It’s time you started living fully.
Message me for deet’s on my private coaching now.