GIVE YOURSELF THE DAMN PERMISSION.
It’s time beautiful to stop accepting so little for what you want.
It’s time to stop being available for all this shiz that is not serving you.
It’s time for you to OWN WHO YOU ARE and scale your life up to match that version of you.
But here is the thing gorgeous,
in order for you to do this,
to have that, that you so desire and feel that you cannot not do/have….
You MUST give yourself the damn permission.
You must give yourself the permission to receive the success,
receive the love,
receive the healing,
receive the lifestyle,
Until you stop settling for suffering and lack,
until you commit to having what you want and you KNOW that you are worthy of,
you will never achieve it.
You will not call in what you want until YOU,
no one else make it so.
And you do this by giving yourself permission to be the damn person that you know that you are.
You do this by not accepting your reasons and excuses anymore and calling out your own bullsh*t.
You do this by applying not harder or more work,
but by applying your SOUL – led callings and heart to your life.
You do this by no longer closing your eye’s and hoping that ignoring it, that it will magically go away, all the while you sit around and fantasize about the horror that will happen.
STOP THAT SHIZ!
When you have decided that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of not living up to the person that you know that you are,
when you have had enough of the not having the life that you want,
when you are FINALLY exhausted enough,
and gotten to the point of done,
and realized that NO ONE else on this planet is going to ever
come in and say,
“Hey you… yeah you with the big dreams and goals. You who deserves to have it all… you who has been working your ass off for so long and struggled so much… yeah you…. I GIVE YOU PERMISSION to have it now.”
Yeah that is not going to happen beautiful.
People may support you in different ways.
Your tribe will pat you on the back and love on you.
Your mentors will love you with some deep inquiry work and a smile of knowing.
But NO ONE ELSE will ever be able to give you permission to step the f-ck up to who you are meant to be and JUST BE IT!
That is all you BABY!
There is nothing that anyone else can do to get you to shift,
to scale up your life, your business,
to get you to heal quicker, love more open, trust again…
The only person who can give you the damn thing that you need RIGHT NOW…
Which happens to be permission to be unstoppable.
Permission to have it all.
Permission to BE YOU – unapologetically.
So what is stopping you?
When will you have had enough of your own bullshit?
When will you finally be tired of accepting so little for your life and your joy?
When will your suffering no longer serve you?
Because as long as you accept your suffering as something that is giving you the attention that you need,
as long as you keep leaning in on your reasons, worries, doubts and excuses,
the one thing you will be guaranteed is that you WILL NOT have what you want in work, love or life.
But you have to get to enough being enough.
You have to want for your own joy more than your suffering.
You have to embrace the reality that there is another way to connect other than through drama and pain body.
You have to want to release the bondage that you have put yourself in.
And when you reach this pivotal point on your path to CLAIMING YOUR LIFE…
You will give yourself the damn permission.
And then baby,
it’s LIGHTS OUT to all that holds you back.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to say yes to your life,
to claim the lifestyle that you want.
Ready to love yourself.
To have the money, time, love, freedom that your soul craves for?
People pleasing makes you wishy washy and unattractive.
People pleasing is NOT an endearing characteristic.
People pleasing is disrespectful to everyone in the relationship.
People pleasing is a manipulative act of insecurity and lack of self-worth and love.
It will only get you an illusion of what you desire.
Never will you truly gain what you want from any relationship by attempting to bend over backward and have pores boundaries just to avoid confrontation or rejection.
When we come into a relationship with the concept that we MUST do this or that in order to be worthy of …(fill in the blank) then we do a great disservice not only to ourselves but to the integrity of the relationship and the other person that we are acting in relationship with.
People pleasing is for those who believe that they MUST provide a result or response according to another’s desires at the cost of their very truth. It is a form of performance anxiety that those who get trapped in this concept that we are here to serve others and are in some fashion responsible for others feelings, actions or thoughts.
As one matures in relationship perspective and does the inner mindset work and healing work of releasing attachment to old traumas and belief structures one can come to terms with personal responsibility and being proactive for one’s own needs, thoughts, feelings and actions. As this comes about you can see that no other is ever responsible for making us do anything nor is it their assuring of an outcome for our lives or needs.
From this clearing perspective one can see with greater ease that we too are not at fault for another’s ideas that they may turn over to us.
When we demand of someone to be in alignment to what we want of them without any thought or inquiry as to their interest of being in alignment we do two things:
1) we attempt to take control or power of another’s feelings, responses, desires, etc.
2) we give our power away to them by giving them responsibility over our needs being met thus we relinquish our power in creating the happiness, connection or anything focused on as the ultimate goal.
Simply put by demanding that another please us we turn over our happiness to their control and in turn by being a people pleaser we turn over our power to our happiness by wagering our authentic answers and feelings to make another happy in hopes to gain happiness for ourselves.
It is a devaluing circle of not wanting to own responsibility of our own happiness.
Happiness, much like anything else that we strive for in life (i.e. freedom, intimacy, peace, love, etc) must come from within. No outside influence will ever guarantee any of these things to maintain in our life. It is up to each of us INDIVIDUALLY to guarantee them through our dedication of turning inward and finding them at our core, then revealing them to our lives through our energetic response to life.
When we choose to lower our vibration through the scarcity thinking that we are to earn these things instead of unveiling them from within…
(Because they are always with us and can never be taken from us)
we choose to use ourselves,
our resources of any kind,
our acts of service,
as commerce to BUY that which we are currently not feeling worthy of.
We trade ourselves,
our very truth,
for a false or temporary version of that which we desire to have.
By doing this we disrespect and attempt to manipulate the relationship and the beauty of what could potentially come through it.
You are worthy of happiness.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of freedom.
You are worthy of peace.
You are worthy of abundance.
You were born this way and these things are not goals to be earned. they are gifts given to us by the creator and are accessible at any moment on our life path when we so choose them over our fear and ego based concepts that have been instilled in us to prevent us from fully embrace our powerful nature as co-creators of this world and our lives.
You always have a choice,
and no one can ever take these gifts away from you.
It is your choice to live in bondage and fear which will lead you on a path of suffering and disconnection,
or you can choose to open up to love.
Open up to faith.
Open up to the freedom of your true self.
All these desires are FEELINGS that one wants to obtain,
but can not hold onto if the power of their creation is handed over to anyone but SELF.
KNOW your worth.
ALLOW yourself to receive your blessings,
through your Focus and commitment to living in INTEGRITY of SOUL.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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From Guest Author Addison Bell
It’s all fun and games until you actually have to deal with the other side.
You sit and desire certain characteristics of those in your life, and especially out of a romantic partner. Yet, I daresay that many times you are asking for a mess of contradictions.
Its easy to look at some aspirational values and personality traits and think that this is exactly what you want to pull into your life but if you aren’t careful you will end up pulling in exactly what you don’t desire.
And the funny thing is that your Ego would probably throw a tantrum and say, “But I do do desire it, I do want that, I can hold that person” but in the end you really can’t handle it.
You might desire someone who is playful and has that flirty personality that makes you feel all bubbly inside… until they are flirty and playful with others and it smacks right into your jealousy and trust issues.
You might desire someone that knows how to act like a “lady” or “gentleman” when you are out in public and can hold the proper level of poise… until they are always poised and never able to let go of that persona (even in the bedroom).
You might desire someone that has their own life and is more free flowing with the relationship. Someone that isn’t that awful word “clingy”… until they can’t be there and support you the way that you need and you never truly feel held.
And really any trait that you desire in a partner is going to have the opposite side.
It is pretty commonly known from a psychological perspective that in relationships the aspects that often attract you to your partner are also the very same aspects that can cause the greatest struggle.
There is that old saying about how men should want a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets.
We want our partners to be both sides of a coin….
And most of the time it can mean the destruction of a relationship!
Now, thankfully we are complex beings and so are not one thing or the other. If you take the above example of having a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets… I know many women that are able to present one aspect of themselves when out at dinner parties and then turn around and have a mind-blowing sexual evening with a partner. Both are authentically them and both are aspects of who they ae.
Though these women have also worked through the stereotypes that come with both sides of the coin and know where they are authentically.
Though, lets be honest, yes I mean really honest here…
Most people are NOT doing deep personal work on a daily basis. And most people are not willing to look at when their ego’s arise in relationships. So when an aspect that is a turn on in one sense becomes a turn-off… we blame that other person. We don’t look at ourselves and where WE might be the ones that have unspoken expectations.
Many times we even struggle to admit where we struggle in relationships and where our ego’s simply can’t handle something.
You want a partner that is free, playful, open-minded but then when this pushes on your jealousy, your need for attention, and your belief that there is a certain way to “do” relationships…
Can you actually look yourself in the face or actually look that other person and say, “I don’t want you to be so free”. “I wish you weren’t so playful”, “I want you to be open-minded but just not about this topic”.
Most would look at the other person as the issue and not be able to truly say… “I am not able to hold this aspect of you”.
Again, we are complex and hold so many intricacies. Each person, situation, and experience will present a different expression of self. So what fits and is a desire with one partner or relationship could be entirely different than what fits and is a desire in another relationship.
In truth it all comes back (as always) to self and looking deep within ones self authentically. What are we desiring in our relationships? And then looking at if we truly could hold that characteristic in another if it presented to us. Where would our ego get shaken? What are non-negotiable in our relationships?
If you want freedom… how free?
If you want play… how playful?
If you want stable… how stable?
If you want sexy… how sexy?
What can you truly, honestly, at your core hold?
Get honest with yourself! And start doing your inner work to help you be able to look within when situations arise.
And more than even that…
Get honest with self when someone presents something that truly won’t fit with you and your life. Don’t pretend to be okay with something that is a hard NO. This will only push you further and further out of alignment from self.
Most importantly LOVE self first and foremost. When we do this we are most able to be authentic, honest, and love another. Even if the way we are loving that other is by letting them go and be who they are authentically.
Sending you all…
Love, Light, & Blessings,
The message is that when we are in alignment, life will flow and FEEL GOOD.
Only in committing to yourself will you ever BECOME who you were BORN TO BE.
Leap this morning into the life that your heart desires.
It wants you!!!!
Stop Existing & Start Living!
Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
There he was. He was perfect too. The perfect man.
His smile, the glimmer in his eye’s, the way he stood.
That voice. OMFG! That voice.
Everything about him was my hearts desire.
He had the characteristic’s physically, mentally, spiritually and what seemed like even emotionally that I craved. And he was financially free enough to do what he wanted in life as well.
Every woman’s dream man.
I looked at him and my groins would quack with hunger and enthusiasm.
I knew it was meant to be.
There was only one small problem with him.
He just was not that into me. We were friends, we flirted, we teased, we argued even some. He really seemed to “get me” and I felt so comfortable and seen by him, however when it came down to my desire to move things into a deeper intimacy and change up the relationship, he would suddenly go distant and become very busy. He would not commit to suggestions and ideas about things I had that we could do together and it left me constantly questioning how much he really cared or what I had done wrong.
Then as time went on and I allowed some distance to form, like magic he would resurface somehow and we would pick up right where we left off and all those juicy, yummie feelings would flood back into my heart and body and I would get amnesia about the disconnect that I had just recently experienced with him.
It did not matter though, because he was here with me now.
He was smiling at me, getting me to laugh and I felt like I was on top of the world. But I was not on top of the world, I was on a merry go round with this man and my heart and the truth.
The reality was that he did not share the desire, the feelings and emotions that I did. He enjoyed our time together but he knew that it was just what it was, a fun friendship. Good times. He knew at his core that I was not the girl for him, not now, not ever most likely as the feeling were simply not mutual. As hard as that was for me to stomach, I could not change it no matter how I tried. I could have changed my body to fit his ideal, I could have started speaking and acting like the women he dated and was obviously “in to,” I could have completely let go of who I was in hopes of becoming “the one” that he would desire to be with. But, where would this lead me inevitably?
I would loose me in the process and still most likely not have him, and if I did manage to capture him it would not be real love or mutual authentic connection, turn on. It would be fake because I would be being fake.
So how happy could we really be in the long run?
Well, here is the hard cold facts ladies and gent’s and your most likely not going to want to hear it or accept it. Many people come to me and want help with their relationship, they want some magic bullet to make things go back to the way it use to be. They want the arousal, connection, depth, play, mystery and chemistry that they had the first 18 months to three years of their relationship. They want the sex that they use to have. The understanding. The love feelings that they use have. And the feeling of being desired. Unfortunately, the main reason you felt that way in the beginning of your relationship was a little thing called “New Relationship Energy. (NRE)”
NRE is intoxicating until its not. Which happens to all of us and to all relationships no matter what the status or type of relationship it is. We get NRE when we have a baby and then our baby becomes a toddler and the NRE declines some with each fit the child has. We get NRE with our new job because we are excited about it possibilities and are hanging from the ceiling about all that we were sold on in this job until two years later the reality that we got passed by on promotion hits and that we are now panicked about annual reviews, our colleagues are chatting back stabbers and our boss is know it all.
No matter what the relationship is, and EVERYTHING is relationship NRE is at the front line of the start of something beautiful and when it starts to decline we feel life itself slipping away and we start to question if it is meant to be.
Well, guess what folks, this NRE also happens in “casual, friendship based” relationship or even “casual sex” relationships. It is there, it is the connecting tissue that keeps it hot, for a time.
With that said and to remain on topic in this post, the issue is that NOT ALL NRE is equal.
Much like my tale above, just because one person is feeling all that yummie NRE, does not mean that the other person is on board with it. More often than not, this is the case. So we run around with our elementary school kid crush on our friend, colleague, or other in hopes that this feeling is mutual but in FACT, they just are not that f*cking into us. They are just not a F*ck YES to us.
Sad but true, just because we desire something does not always mean that it is meant to be. At least not meant to be with this person.
What we need to learn from experiences like this is that when we get this crush on someone that this person is showing us characteristics of the person that we do truly want to be and have in our lives. This person we are crushing on is teaching us what we should feel like all the time, opening up the door way to an aspect of ourselves where we are in alignment to our authentic self. Our radiant self, the self that we are often so fearful of showing to this world. If we look at this experience as a beautiful opportunity to tap further into ourselves and feel what it feels like to enjoy life and a moment like we do when we are in the company of these people who bless us with this desire for them then we can taste our truth.
Sample who we really are when we reveal ourselves fully.
If we choose to get caught up on creating a perfect sales pitch to get this person to see us differently, act differently or be with us more than what they desire then all we are doing is being caught in our own self-centered desires to control another’s heart for our own pleasure.
Where is the love in this act?
There is no love only lust. And lust will never lead anyone to truth.
It will only lead to suffering and failure.
My dear friend Crystal always says, ” Believe them when they first tell you who they are.” I am going to change that a tad here,
“Believe them the first time they tell you how they really feel about your relationship.”
You cannot change someone’s heart but you can honor in love where they are at and be in gratitude for the revealing of your own heart.
As always, STOP surviving and START living, you only have this life.