Stop Dishonoring Your Soul – It Knows Who You Truly Are and What Step’s Will Make You Happy.

My heart bleeds for all of us in this world.
As a coach through the years I have heard so many tales of horror, of trauma, abuse and misunderstandings.
I have witnessed so many unable to stand in their truth,
scared to speak up for themselves,
and allowing others to run all over them in so many areas of their lives.
For the last 10+ years I have had my practice focused on sex and relationship coaching, helping singles and couples. Couples work has been a passion for me however.

Today my coaching practice has moved more into abundance and prosperity coaching thanks to my beautiful clients who requested my focus to change as they noticed that they would come to me to heal their communication, intimacy and relationship challenges and they had the side benefit of watching their lives change in their finances as well.
They discovered that in doing work around their intimate relationships that they were also lacking in other subject areas and what I was teaching them about their intimacy and sex also applied to money and purpose.

Well, here I am today in 2019,
with a beautiful practice and lovely clients who I adore so much and find myself in gratitude for daily. I woke this morning feeling a wobble in my energy around my practice, in what direction I wanted to focus RIGHT NOW, what was needed from me, where was I to step next to best help these souls that I share with daily and in truth I was lost.

God is amazing I have found.
Always getting those who desire to be in alignment back on path softly when we remain open to the messages.

And so my day has brought me full circle.
Wobble has drifted off and I feel directed, guided and clearer.
Back to where I have ALWAYS been.
No niche!

My niche is SOUL!

And today my message is just about that.

SOUL Niche is where it is at BABY!

I have heard my own mentor speak about no niche,
and I logically got what she was saying and truly believed that I was doing just that,
but today something different has come up from the sea of knowledge and I get it a tad bit more as to what she means when she say’s no niche.

I am a “SOUL Solutions Coach” helping people move through the miscommunications that this world causes for us in ALL subjects of our life.

Bringing it back to humanness.
Bringing it back to love.
Bring it back to what is right will feel right and will not carry with it anger or hatred but love and connection.

When we come into any subject in our lives from SOUL and not ego,
we do not feel threatened,
we do not feel like we must prove anything,
we do not have a desire to control,
to blame, guilt or shame.
And we do not hold putrid thoughts and feelings toward anyone on this planet because their truth is not our truth and they choose to speak it in any fashion.

SOUL is respect for all humans beliefs, ways of being, and showing up.

SOUL is focused on building trust by not attacking with words or actions.

SOUL understands that each individual has boundaries and that we don’t have to agree with them but we do need to respect them.

SOUL understands that our words and actions play a significant role on the emotional, physiological, spiritual and physical bodies of self and others.

SOUL knows that our life is not about segregation but instead unity. Between people and subjects in our lives.

SOUL is about being captivated. Not by control or shame or anything other than SOUL – This being captivated means that you will feel CALLED to what you need, to the steps that you should take, to the lessons that you are to learn and toward love and gratitude, beauty and worthiness.

And so I come full circle today to the realization that I had so many years back,

“One Heart – One Soul”

This is how our world elevates its consciousness.
This is how we elevate our individual lives in all subjects.
To truly understand Namaste.

“I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one.”

And honoring the light of SOUL is all that we can ever do in some situations as some individuals are eaten up by hatred, fear of their own light and worthiness and desire to control, manipulate and terrify those they claim to love, those they desire to be like and those that test their beliefs and fears.

Still, the most beautiful thing that any of us can ever off is just this HONOR of SOUL.

Speak from here beautiful.
Look from here.
Touch from here.
Communicate from here.

Ignore the fear that your ego will toss before you on this path,
ignore the concept that anyone is better than another,
ignore the concept that you must bow to them and let them have their way even if they are the one you wake next too each morning.

Because the act of hatred will never be love.
The act of taking will never be love.
The act of shaming will never be love.
The act of blaming will never be love.

So never settle or allow yourself to believe that it is.
You are WORTHY.
You are LOVE.

Namaste

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

Two Keys to Relating

intimacyspiritualIntimacy and trust. The two key ingredients to a healthy, strong, loving and passionate relationship. These two items go hand in hand and are a catch 22 in relating. If you start to loose one the other is right behind it and vise verse, you also need one to make the other happen.

Intimacy is not just about sex either, although in our world today when someone speaks of intimacy they are speaking of sexual intimacy often. It is valuable to truly understand that intimacy is something that is needed to feel connected, understood, valued and secure in all relating.

Just this last weekend we had a dear friend come to the Orgasm Camp workshop and stay after for socializing and dinner. She is an Intimacy Coach and during our dinner preparations I was playing with our 15 month old son, Jessica (our friend) made the comment that she could tell that I was not just a parent to my children that I was also their friend. She stated that we treated the children like real people not “kids.” What she was seeing was the intimacy shared between parent and child. Something that I have been conscious of harvesting in my relationships with all six of my children. It is something that when I look out into the world I do not see in the paradigm of parent/child. The average parenting structure has the child as a lower species of human-hood, there are walls that are put in place, things that are not discussed because a child could never understand this or that and children are talked down to instead of communicated with in authenticity. Parents try to hide their own short comings and mistakes and even try to repair what they feel they did wrong in their youth by “protecting” otherwise known as controlling their own children from doing the same instead of openly communicating with them and building trust and intimacy. Here is where I strongly differ (granted I may be wrong in my beliefs but parenting truly is a science where we all wager our upbringing skills on a hypothesis), I believe in building intimacy and trust. This comes through authentic living which transfers as authentic relating even with my child. Never shutting down about where I am , what is happening, and never shaming or having misguided expectations. Recognizing that my child has to make mistakes no matter their age in order to learn and grow. Supporting individualism. Communicating life lessons at a level that each of my children can understand for where they are at, EVEN if that is having a sex talk with them.

Through this sort of authentic relating I have preventing many barriers from forming and have kept the communication lines open. So much so that my oldest two daughters (now 17 and 19) have had the ability to trust in me enough and know that we share the intimacy needed for them to bring difficult issues into the court, from the first time they had sex, to things they have experimented with, sexual trauma, jealousy issues, physical changes happening, and even their first G-spot orgasm. Most parents in todays culture would have a tough time hearing their daughter speak openly about the pleasure they experienced and how amazing it was during a G-spot orgasm, they certainly would not want to have to give further advise as to how to achieve this state again. Yet in my household, these two young women get the opportunity to grow, question, experience and be supported instead of being shamed for their sexuality as women.

I have always stated that I am a realist. I know that our youth is a time of great exploration and teenagers and young adults will certainly experiment and learn things from somewhere, so why not support healthy exploration backed by authentic, unconditional loving instead of shaming, guilting and disconnecting?

This same dynamic can be brought into our intimate affairs with a lover. How do we communicate with them? Do we allow them to be of individual thought, need and life experience without shaming, guilting or disconnecting no matter how they choose to show up in the moment or do we try and change them and make our expectations and needs greater then what they can deliver? DO we hold space for our lover to experience what they need in any given moment or do we demand for things to be as we believe they should?

I am not saying that we have to support without end a decision or action of a loved one, child or lover alike. I am not saying that we have to agree or even pretend to agree with them. What I am saying is that we need to open the channels of authentic communication and hold our hearts open in the most challenging of times. This is true unconditional loving, something that the majority of relationships have never experienced, because what we think is love is actually need, and in our needing we distort our partners, or anyone else that we are in a love based relationships with and put false hopes and expectations on them that they CANNOT often meet. We are dependent on them to make us happy instead of taking care of our own happiness. When our needs are suddenly not met and the veil of illusion that WE ourselves put there starts to come down, we loose trust and intimacy and point the finger at the other blaming them for the suffering that we are now feeling. This is where we loose ourselves further, often find that our relationship was built on sand with no stable foundation and question why we even trusted in this person.

Building true intimacy and trust is not easy but it is simple.

There are steps for building the foundation for authentic loving and relating so that we can have a sacred relationship with all the people in our lives.

Among these steps are:

Conscious Living = Conscious Relating
Appreciation
Integrity in Action and Communication
Holding Space
Standing in the Fire
Exploration
Dedication to Life and Unconditional Love before the Relationship

Learn more on how you can have an Authentic, Sacred Relationship in your Love Life and in ALL relating on October 1st, 2014…

More on Authentic Relating & Sexing/ Intimacy Coaching

Bring Kendal to You!

Intimacy Building Couple’s Sessions in the privacy of YOUR own home!

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex Coaching (Includes Tantra Educators)

IMG_3128 editThe mysterious land of sex  and relationship coaching does not have to elude you anymore, matter a fact you may be surprised at just how beneficial this service can be in your own love life.

As a practitioner of Tantra, a real life sex educator (basically this means I pull NO punches on the facts and am a realist) and the mother of six children, I have experienced my fair share of interesting events in the sex and relationship world and that is not even taking into account the time frame I spent dating 10 gentlemen all in unison or the 17 year marriage that I had the pleasure of learning from. All providing me with an authentic, loving eye to the BIG world of sex and relationship and how taboo it is for us as a society to speak of these intimate and empowering or dis-empowering moments in our lives. I have come to see how hard it can be for many single’ and couple’s to open up to a therapist or teacher and even how much more courage it takes to become vulnerable with their lover(s) and self. Below are 10 things that you may have not known about sex therapy/coaching/educating that will help you to evaluate the practice as the healing modality that it is, hopefully releasing some of the preconceived notions and taboo’s of it as well.

So what do sex coaches do (or don’t do), what issues can they help solve, what happens inside their office or sacred space (even a coffee shop)?

1. Your Sexual Confidence Overflow’s Into Your Daily Life – Sex Coaching Can Help Empower You in Both

I hear a lot of the time from people that they don’t need sex coaching because they have a good sex life, no hangups or trauma but what they do need is a life coach or a coach that will help them with an issue that has nothing to do with the bedroom. One of the biggest issues that we have in society today is our need to compartmentalize everything, not embracing the fact that everything is interconnected.

“What people don’t expect from sex therapy is how strong, confident and assertive they become in every area of their lives,” says Marne Wine, a licensed professional counselor and AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) certified sex therapist in Westminster, Colorado. “Sex therapy is just life playing itself out in the bedroom. Are you willing to be OK with yourself because you don’t know everything or have all the answers? Are you willing to put yourself out there and risk ridicule and failure? Once you learn to do that in the bedroom—naked—you can do it anywhere.”

When you are feeling connected and are able to receive as well as give properly, in love and sexually, you feel like you can do anything. Our fulfillment in our intimate relationships, both emotionally and sexually transfer out into all other areas of our lives. Our intimate relationship are a reflection and a stage on which we can choreograph our full life expression: weather that is showing up in our love life, our work life, with our purpose, our children, friends or in our health. When things are not aligned and harmonious in your sexual relationship(s), it drags all the other parts of your life down with it.

2. Being Naked With Your Sex Coach Does Not Involve Nudity

Through the years what I have found to be one of the biggest hurdle’s for people to get over is their own predetermined thoughts of what they “think” sex therapy or coaching even Tantric work is. Most of the time, clients are either one of two things: fearful that the therapy/coaching might involve physically intimate situations or hopeful that they will. To set the standard straight, traditional sex therapy/coaching (talk therapy) is just that, talk therapy and DOES NOT entail any sort of physical nudity. When coaches refer to being naked in this sense they are speaking of the emotional/physiological vulnerability of be naked, letting down your guards and fulling being authentic with your coach.

When you move into the world of Tantric practices and teaching you do open up the gateways of more vulnerability and nudity. Often Tantric work is a pseudo label for bodywork that deals with the genitals. This sort of ancient practice is along the same belief systems as acupressure, acupuncture, reiki, and massage. For centuries it has been known that the human body stores stress, trauma, and even memories in the cellular tissue of our muscles yet in modern times we are told that it is wrong to treat the genital areas of men and women as though we would treat their backs, necks, legs or feet. Tantra teaches that we must heal the entire body and not ignore or separate one aspect of ourselves from another but instead embrace and heal all parts in order to unite them and restore harmony to the whole-being. This being said, each Tantric Coach is an individual and practices are as unique as the teachers themselves. It is best before stepping foot down the Tantric path to fully explore what the style of the teacher is that you are pursuing and make certain that you are comfortable and in alignment with how they practice.

There are other types of people who work in the sex therapy world as well, such as sex surrogates, but there are very few legal certified surrogates in the United States at this point.

3. Authenticity and Healing the Sexual Self is Taboo, but NOT in Your Coaches Presence

I have worked with individuals and couple’s alike who  face their shadow’s on a daily routine in my care. Everything from repressed memories,  sexual hangups and fantasies or  issues of abuse that frightens them to talk about, there is truly no subject too taboo for a sex therapist/coach. We have heard it all and many of us have been through our own shadow lands and know how hard and painful these things can be to vocalize. The truth in the therapy is that when you become vulnerable enough and find the courage to lay it all out on the table to your coach or therapist; you have finally stepped into releasing the shame, trauma and suffering in the victim-hood and have made way for empowerment and healing.

Often I hear from my coaching clients, “I feel so comfortable with you. I don’t normally share like this and especially about these sort of things.” This safe container that is made between the client and the coach is there because we sex coaches and therapists have experienced ourselves and with our clients so much that we have learned the valuable lesson of holding space free from judgement and criticism. It is in everyone’s best interest that the container be safe and full of unconditional love.

4. Finding the Right Sex Coach/Therapist or Tantra Teacher Is The Foundation Of Your Healing

Are you considering a sex therapist because they have a license? Are you wanting a sex coach because they have a certification from some institution or center somewhere? Are you wanting a Tantra teacher that claims to be trained by such and such leading tantra school?

Certifications, licenses, and other formal schooling are all powerful resources and I believe that they do help in the client healing process. But they are not the foundation of what makes a good healer, coach, therapist or educator. A truly good coach will be one who has the moral standards that align with what their clients needs and desires are. They are individuals who know that they do not hold all the answers but know how to hold the space needed for their clients to discover the right answers for themselves. They speak not just from the formal education and intellectual understanding that they have gained through their certifications but also from their life experiences and personal healing journey.

To ensure that you are with the right coach/teacher/therapist for you:

  • Explore your coaches background.
  • Get testimonies and references.
  • Meet your coach/therapist for a consult in person prior to any therapy work.
  • If your practitioner does any group events/talks/seminars, attend at least one prior to working one on one with them so that you can get a feel for how they relate to people and what people think of them.
  • Get your questions and concerns answered and BE direct in what you are wanting or not wanting in your experience.
  • And if, after the first appointment, you don’t feel comfortable with the coach/therapist, find another one—or ask for a referral. A good coach will keep your best interests at heart—not there ego.

5. Sex and Relationship Coaching is Not Just For Crappy Lovers or Traumatized Individuals

But we already have a GREAT sex life and deep intimacy, so what can you do for us?

“Most people believe that something has to be broken, or that they do, in order to seek sex therapy. What I do is more about sexual and emotional enhancement, making things better, than it is about Slot A and Prong B. The most frequent therapeutic outcome of any sex therapy is the relief that comes with being able to talk about sexual feelings, thoughts and fantasies, just putting them out there to be examined.” according to  Isadora Alman, a marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified sexologist in San Francisco and I would have to agree with her 100%. Many of the couple’s that I have worked with have come to me to have support and learn new skills in their sex and emotional relating with their partner, others have come in hopes of healing an issue or misunderstanding even a desire for saving their relationship, but I would say about 40% of my couple’s clients are coming to me for enhancement not fixing. These couple’s want to go deeper in their already dynamic relationships. They want to feel more, love more and they want to explore their partners hearts, souls and bodies with more passion, understanding and empathy.

6. Your Marriage May Not Be Lost After All

Sex is the backbone to the marriage or intimate relationship(s). When we loose respect, connection, empathy and desire for our partners during our sexing it takes a major toll on our whole relationship. When a couple is having troubles with their sex life, a traditional marriage counselor might say, ‘You need to make time for you two to connect’ when it’s way more than just connecting for sex. If desire is no longer on the table and trust has been broken in the relationship or one party has experienced something traumatic or the couple is just feeling blah toward each other any false forced attempt to revive the sex or relationship will just fall prey to the wolves of the issues that are there already or possible even cause further damage.

This sort of advice often leaves couple’s wanting more or feeling misunderstood and lost. A sex coach or therapist can exceed the normal harnesses of coaching and therapy that a traditional coach has to abide by providing the clients with an ‘outside of the box’ approach to possibly heal their relationship issues and their marriage.

Instead of waiting till you have tried all other paths of healing and therapy to save your relationship look at sex coaching or therapy work among your first and get the advice you really desire.

7. Sexual Positions to Physical Dysfunctions and More Can Be Solved

In my many years of practice I have worked with many issues from men with broken penises (literally broken from rough sex) who no longer knew how to properly penetrate their lover to women who with no ability to orgasm and couple’s who wanted to swing but keep one party monogamous at the same time.  These issues as well as to low or high libido, sexual difficulties and dysfunctions, sexual issues from cancer treatment and surgical procedures, ED, premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm (men and women alike), intimacy issues, dating issues, rape and abuse victims, virgins, couple’s who have not had sex for months or even years, kink fetishes and other adventurers as well as so many more.  And then there are the one’s who just want to learn a new skill or position. 🙂 Yes, what can sex coaching help you with? I don’t know, but if your alive it most likely can assist you in living a better one.

8. Communication Equals Intimacy and Better Life Skills

Sex coaching is NOT all about sex acts and functions. Many of the people who come into sex coaching walk away with an improved ability to communicate and learn how to respect themselves and others through authentic communication skills taught in a session. So if you are fearful of confrontation or want to dive right into the fires, sex coaching can help you learn loving communication that can share your desires, needs and boundaries as well as skills of how to empathetically listen to everyone in your life not just the one you sleep with.

Ask yourself this: Was my last verbal exchange something like this, “Bring me the remote” or “Grab those bags of groceries for me, hun.” Remember that the keys to a gourmet relationship and sexing start with gourmet communication.

9. Back To School You Go

Most people believe that they know all they need to know about their bodies parts and their lovers bodies parts but in reality most people have not a clue what is between their legs or how to treat it, let alone their lovers. Science is in the beginning stages of unearthing the mystery of the clitoris and the research on that one small piece of a woman’s body is just a little over 15 years of study so far.

I do art therapy classes, both group and individual with many of my clients to help them reconnect to their sexual selves. In these classes we explore sensations and draw or paint how we may need to express them during a class. In other instances I work with clients and have them take a mirror into a bathroom or private spot and look at themselves. One of my softer approaches is to use stand alone models of these parts of the body and teach what each area is as I discuss deeper issues with a client.

In my practice as a sex coach I offer what I call Show N’ Tell Sex Ed Classes to people where they get hard core education blended with live model demonstrations. The value of knowing your body and being comfortable in it is one of the most important steps to regaining confidence and releasing trauma as well as stepping back into an intimate relationship.

10. Brings Back The Honeymoon Phase

There is nothing like a first kiss or first glance and especially nothing like the first time you have sex with a new lover that is floating your boat, but over time the NRE (New Relationship Energy) fades and we take our partners and relationship, including the sex for granted. We stop courting each other and slowly the desire leaves or is masked bythe day to day grind of life. Well, sex coaching can help with all of that! Sex coaching can help couple’s reignite those flames and make room for snuggling and making out, getting frisky in the car and even planning out sex dates. Sex coaching can help couple’s go from friendly pecks call a kiss to passionate first date kissing.

BONUS Item!

When you enter into a coaching therapy with  a practitioner you must be prepared to invest time and energy into yourself in all ways. As you can see, sex coaching takes into account lot’s of things not just sex. Often one of the issues experienced is a lack of commitment from the client. Coaches (no matter the field) are here to help YOU, the client find your own way to healing, NOT give you all the answers. There are no set guidelines or times that can be stated for your transformation or healing to occur. There are no guarantee’s that you will be healed or that your assumed expectations will come about. What is for sure is that anyone who truly wants the guidance, support and education can have it but must be willing to expect homework, which might include writing exercises, communication exercises, intimacy and, of course, sex. And must be willing to step out of the box that has been holding them back for all this time.

– KW

*Some quotes found on google from glamour.com articles

Creating Desire – Cultivating a Sexual Practice

In Tantra and Sexuality Coaching there is much talk about sexual positions and skills. There is also talk about the healing rewards that such practices can bring to an individual or couple but what is often over looked in our western society and teachings is how important it is to develop a desire for MORE, deeper, penetrating, unconditional and healing events (weather they involve intercourse of not). Tantra is a practice. Just like yoga, meditation, or any other physical/emotional/mental training that we need to practice daily or at least a set amount of times per week or month. Tantra can only assist a person or couple to the degree that the individual is willing to put into it. I am often asked when starting a new relationship with a client, “How long is this coaching/counseling/healing/etc. going to take?” Because we operate in a world that is use to deadlines and use to statistics we can hardly fathom that such deep healing and opening has no such box. There are many things that play a role in our transformational process, from how much time and effort we are willing to dedicate to the painful truth that we really have no control over our cellular or spiritual structures and how quickly they release blockages and programs. All we can do from this physical reality is take one step at a time in belief that we will succeed. Listen to our hearts and stay as open to ourselves and the call of spirit as we can. A KEY factor to any healing work is DESIRE. One must first except that they need healing. They must first wake up to the reality that life can be more, it can be blissful and that there is no reason to just except what society says we have to live by. We are Unbound! We are Divine! We are Complete! We are Powerful.

Living Unbound, believing in what may seem taboo, out of the norm or even impossible is what makes us humans so incredible! Yet we fear all of this and for many we allow society and past patterns/blockages to STOP us from living. This is even true when it comes to our love making and our spiritual practices. These two things walk hand in hand with each other and together are great liberators of the human spirit. But how do we start a Sacred Sexual Practice?

Sexual Practices can:

  • Bring you closer as a couple
  • Cultivate more sexual energy that can manifest into life force drive and creative energy
  • Expand your Awareness
  • Empower your intentions (goals/dreams)

Any practices starts with Intention! In a sexual practice you need to ask yourself and if you have a partner, your partner what you would like to set the intention of?

  • Are you wanting to become closer as a couple?
  • Are you wanting to draw into your life a lover?
  • Do you want to feel fulfilled sexually?
  • Increase pleasure?
  • Create a dream life? etc.

Once your intent is set mentally, take a few deep breaths into your lower abdominal area, allow your belly to balloon out, I refer to this as your buddah belly. Pull the intent from your minds eye don your core, into your buddah belly and then as you release the breath feel the intent moving up your spine and into your heart where it expands and takes over your entire body. Do this 3-5 times, each time increasing the expansion of the intent. really feel it. What does life feel like when you embrace living this intent? If you have a partner at this time you should both be seated comfortably, facing each other with your hands on each other chests (heart chakras).

The next step to a Sexual Practice is to Activate Your Body. Activation is key because often in life we tend to loose sensation/feeling to life. We block out pain and thus block out pleasure. Sexual practices help people to regain sensation and reprogram the body so that it can full experience and express.  Without activation an intent remains only a thought, but through activating the senses and learning to open up to life we can move toward our desires.

Activation techniques:

  • Exercise
  • Dance
  • Shaking the body
  • Tensing and releasing the bodies muscles
  • Sensual touch
  • Thai Massage

If you are sitting with your partner this  is a good time to take turns softly stating a body part. Start with your feet and move upward. You can do this is a sitting position or laying down comfortably. If alone slowly move yourself from feet to head while focusing on each body part. As you focus on a body part (left foot, right leg, stomach, chest, shoulders, etc.) tense it with your inhale and then release the tenion with your exhale. Once you have moved your focus through your whole body take a deep breath and tense your entire being then release.  You may feel like shaking the body some. After you shake go internally and feel the vibrations of your life force energy pulsing through your physical being. You are activating.

Once your body is activated it is time to Still the Mind. Granted thought always travels through us the key to “stilling the mind” is to not attach to any of the thought. Watch the thoughts pass through as though you were watching a movie screen. These thoughts do not all come from you, many if not most are coming in from the matrix of all of life and time. These thoughts are completely harmless and can do nothing unless you attach and believe them. The biggest issue humankind has is that believe thought and accept it as our own. We tie ourselves to something that is not even a reality until we marry it. Walking down the path of commitment with a thought that is not from our soul desire is much like going to Las Vegas, getting drunk and waking up the next morning married to a stranger who is now laying next to us in bed and expecting the vowels of our drunken stooper to  be endearing. It is very easy to attach to a thought and it is very easy to watch a thought pass by, but once we have attached it is damn hard to undo the legal abiding paperwork.

In order to manifest your intent (desire) you must learn to still your mind and NOT attach to other thought.

Method’s of Clearing Mind Chatter:

  • meditation
  • deep breathing together or solo (when you focus on your breath and its flow you cannot help but clear the mind. You are being present in the breath.)
  • Couple’s can spoon each other while deep breathing together.

If you are coupled, try synchronizing your breath, then alternate your breath. Do each of these 5-10 times. Exhale with an AWH, so that you fully feel your breath and also share with your partner that you are exhaling. This also opens communication. Breathe in unison.

Solo or coupled: Place the tip of your tounge on the roof of your mouth. Hold it there while breathing to complete the energy circuit of your breath in the body.

Breathe in and out of the nose.

Once you have set your intent, activated your body and then stilled your mind it is time to Arouse Your Sexual Energy!

Our sexual energy is the catalyst to our dreams manifesting. If you look out into this world you will see most of humankind suppressing their desires, their dreams and their sexual energy. Because we are taught that it is not okay to be sexual beings we restrict our true power of being human. If we were meant to be like other mammals on the planet then we would only mate for off spring and we would have a set cycle for this, we would not experience orgasm or ans joy in the mating process. A kiss or touch would not mean so much and certainly not cause the wondrous sensations that they do. But we were not designed to have sexual energy just for the making of babies! We were given bodies that can experience bliss and through our connection with bliss we can manifest our desires. We can set an intent, a goal or visualize a dream and we can supercharge it with our creative life force energy: Our Sex!

Methods of Arousal:

  • Masturbation (but not to climax)
  • Intercourse (but not to climax)
  • Erotic Massage and Play

What feels REALLY arousing to you? We have our turn on’s.

If you are coupled or not an easy exercise is to bring your awareness to your genitals with your eye’s closed. Focus on your root chakra (men this is located between your scrotum and your anus, women this is in your vagina on the back wall), on your inhale contract these muscles and on your exhale release these muscles. Do this 3-5 times. Place a hand or your lovers hand on your genitals now (clothed or not) start to rotate your hips, side to side, back and forth, up and down as though you were making love. Add in some thrusting and sounds as though you were really engaged in sex. Feel your genitals. Focus on the energy/vibration that you feel there, the heat. If you want this is a good place to actually engage further into lovemaking if you have not with yourself or a partner.

The next step to your Sexual Practice is to Transmute Your Sexual Energy.

This means to move the energy that you have aroused and accumulated in your sex organs throughout your entire body. Simple ways to do this are:

  • Breathing
  • Touch Points (Acupressure)
  • Muscle Contractions
  • Visualization

If you are masturbating, making love or just practicing this arousal in a PG fashion with your clothes on in a group environment or outside in nature someplace, at this time contract your root chakra and hold the tension in the muscle. Breathe deep as you can into your groin and buddha belly. When you feel you can take in no more air, take one more sniff and then slowly exhale. Then breath in deep for a 3-5 breaths where you bring air in through your nose, down your front side into your belly and groin and the squeeze your root and let the air travel up your spine, into your head and out through your mouth. Feel your sex becoming more awake, ALIVE, Aroused, Unbound!!!!!!!

You can visualize the energy releasing from your head and spraying out into the universe, birthing your desires (intent) or if you are masturbating or making love with a partner this is the time to bring yourselves to orgasm. Remember though to not get lost in the physical sensations or thoughts/fantasies that are not part of YOUR intent. You must remain present and focused. Fully feeling, fully pressing forward with your lover or self into an orgasmic state of bliss and manifestation. Pull yourself into your heart and fully feel your lover, yourself, your intent. You can choose to release your energy here as you breathe deep and feel your intent manifesting or you can pause and decide to play in this space weather it be for a few moments with your lover or to slow down your sexing and take this incredible energy out into the world space with you and play with it there.

Playing in this Space is all about living and experiencing from the heart center instead of the groin. The above exercises can bring your sexual energy into your heart where  it can be increased by 5,000 fold or more. This allows you to feel deeper into love and into life, expand your sexual energy and use it not just for physical pleasure but for creation of a dream life. In this state of being your body is naturally producing more yummie chemicals that keep you activated in a higher vibration such as oxytocin and PEA. These chemicals are what makes us fall in love, feel bonding and connection and open us to further desire and creation. If you decide to complete your practice in sexual climax or orgasm alone or with your partner you will be super charged from these steps to continue your practice and play into your day and out in the world. Feeling this intense yummie energy rise up from your sex and travel through your body, attaching it to your conscious intention and allowing the life changing vibrations at the cellular level to help you unfold your Unbound Dream Life will bring you into the playing filed of many great leaders of today and times gone by. You can learn more about the power of Transmuting Your Sexual Energy in in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

–KW (Musing is an Overview of a recent Satsang offered through Tantric Transformation)

 

Sarah Pipalini laid by 10,000 Men!

Three nuns were driving down the road one afternoon. One was beautiful, young and new to the convent life. She enjoyed modern culture but knew that her life calling was one of service. She loved the Lord and wanted to do his work. The other was a middle aged woman, she had seen much suffering and many blessings manifest. She too devoted her life to service and the work of God. The oldest nun had been with the church for her entire life. She had been raised by the Sisters.  She was a woman who decided to dedicate her life to serving all other living beings, and to not be part of mainstream society but instead live her life in prayer and contemplation. 

 
The 3 Sisters were chatting away as they drove to their destination when without any warning were struck by a truck who had run a red light. The car spun around and hit a lamp post which centered itself in the middle of their car. Sadly these three blessed women now found themselves standing at the gates of heaven before St. Peter himself. Relieved that they had arrived and knowing that they were saved they greeted him with smiles and joy. St. Peter, said welcome Sisters. I have fantastic news for you. the Lord is so happy with all the service, unconditional love and sacrifice that you have made in your life that he has decided to let you go back and experience life again, however this time you may choose who you want to be. the nuns became excited at the thought.
 
St. Peter looked at the youngest sister and asked, “Sweet sister, whom would you like to incarnate as?”
 
“Britney Spears.” she replied.
 
Poof! She was now living  life as the pop star.
 
He then turned to the middle aged Sister, “And whom do you choose?”
 
 
Smiling St. Peter said of course, the sexiest woman ever. As you wish Sister and within a second she was was Marilyn.
 
He then turned to the wise eldest Sister and asked her the same question. Without hesitation she said, “Sarah Pipalini.”
St. Peter looked bewildered. He did not know who this was. He looked in his book but she was not there. then he decided to call on head of records. 
 
“I need you to find me Sarah Pipalini right away.”
 
Unfortunately, there was no record of her. He turned to the Sister and said that he was sorry. The old nun stuck her hand in her pocket, dug around some, and then pulled out a folded, very old and weathered paper clipping. Opening it carefully, she said, “No, no. You see right here, Sarah Pipalini.” St. Peter took the clipping and read it. 
Sweet Sister, this says, Sahara Pipeline Laid by 10,000 Men.”
 
This joke shares a depth of the sickness of humanity as well as the wisdom of the spirit. We wonder why so many young people in society become extremely promiscuous, or why when a couple divorces that one or both parties hunt for what appears like empty sex to extremes. We look into the eyes of our beloved on the day that  we are uniting in marriage and we speak our vows of love and unconditional support and then find ourselves years down the road desiring intimacy, passion, connection and the feeling of excitement that only comes to us when we make love for the first time with a new partner. This desire in many cases leads us to temptation, which in many traditional beliefs is evil. We have raised a society where desire is wrong. We have locked our sexuality up in the towers of our internal being where we do not dare share it or speak of it, because this would be looked down upon by the heavens. We  enforce many of our religious leaders to abstain for years or an entire lifetime, assuming that through this sacrifice they will be more elevated, closer to God and able to guide their sheep in the ways of the Lord. Should one fall prey to desire and become human again we practically burn them at the stake. We anger at their inability to not lust after our youth yet we torment them each day with our sexy tales of loss of control.
 
We live in a world where a person who has been intimate with more then 10 people is considered to be a whore, a tramp, a slut. Yet we secretly long for the experience ourselves. Jealousy speaks out as judgement. We gossip to our friends and neighbors about what others are doing and do not even stop to realize that our words are potentially more harmful then being penetrated by a rapist. We lounge in our judgments and then sneak inside the safety of our homes to catch up on the newest porn videos on the web. We tease and joke about sex, never seriously giving it the respect that it deserves, yet we tell our children that they need to be responsible and wait till they get married. We deliberately go out drinking in hopes of getting lucky, but discover one of two things: 1) we never find someone to hook up with and wonder what is wrong with us?  2) we hook up, get our orgasmic release and then see everything that is wrong with the person we are with. If we are men, we speak grandly about our sexual adventures, often making them out to be better and more then they really are. If we are women, we try to not speak to much of our desires or adventures, as to not be seen as a whore. If we have been intimate with more then what we feel society approves of we reduce the number as to fit in with our peers, not realizing that they have done the same.
 
“In our society sex is wounded by a deep-seated masochism, which finds distorted satisfaction in the suppression of desire. This masochism is a symptomatic and destructive form of surrender. Instead of giving in to our passions, allowing emotion to course through our bodies and psyches, and generously offering ourselves to intimacy, we surrender our joy in life to any authority we can find, and we find many authorities willing to condemn us for our longings and pleasures.”– Thomas Moore, The Soul of Sex
 
So according to traditional belief, desire is the root of this evil called sexuality.
Desire is to blame for all the wrong doing. The taking and the raping. Desire is the reason why we cheat on our lovers. Desire is the reason why we break our covenants. Desire is not to be followed, it is a force from Satan. Yet, if there is no desire, there is no happiness. Period. There is also not much else left in the world. No matter what age or gender you are, you cannot even move a finger without first having a desire. And desire is always in wanting to receive something.
Want to argue this fact with me?
You work because you have a desire for money, success, peace of mind, prosperity or a new back patio.
You eat because you have a desire to stay alive, or to experience the pleasure of eating something new or delicious.
You compete in sports to fulfill a desire to experience  the thrill and victory of achievement.
You go on holiday to fulfill the desire to relax and break up your routine or create a memorable experience.
You enter into romantic relationships because you desire to experience love.
You watch TV and go to the movies to fulfill your desire to be entertained and experience enjoyment.
You pray because you desire help or healing.
You go to church because you desire to be saved and to live in heaven.
And we engage in sex to fulfill our desire for sexual pleasure. And if we have experienced soulful sex, then we often engage in sex to manifest our dreams, connect at a soul level, to heal, and to communicate with God.
 
I believe that even a blind person could see clearly that desire is the key to happiness!
 
Its very simple, because God (the Light) is infinite, every kind of joy, happiness and blessing is contained within the Creator. The only thing required to activate all this happiness is DESIRE. When a desire is fulfilled, happiness is expressed in that moment.
 
Why do we condemn such beauty? Creativity, Happiness and Power? — Fear
 
And lack of spiritual understanding.
 
But if we listen and surrender to this fear and refuse to expand our knowledge, then we will end up with only a fraction of self-possession purchased at the cost of our very life’s bliss and purpose. We will in all actuality find ourselves living a life of desperation, with a scarcity mentality over-loaded with more worry and ultimately secretly desiring but still denying all of God’s beauty.
 
“Knowledge without transformation is not wisdom.” — Paulo Coelho, Brida
 
Sex is a direct connect to life. To God. Ancient Tantric or Taoist practices as well as those practiced in Egypt and other parts of the world knew of the true power of creation that ONLY stemmed from the union of lovers. At the heart of sex is bedded a most profound affirmation of life, providing us with reason for living, for being optimistic, and for having energetic passion. Sex keeps us connected to our deepest essence, and links us to our inception. It also gifts us with the ability to realize our full potential and touch spiritual enlightenment.
 
Through our many soul phases we advance in our understanding of this beautiful gift from the heavens. We learn to devour the moments of rapture and to open ourselves in total trust to our lovers yes, but even more so to ourselves. We dance in the joy of being truly seen, we stop setting up limitations of our inner sexual muses and nymphs and in turn open the gateways to pleasure. In a society where love is open and unconditional, sex is respected and the parties involved honor one another from a soul level first. They honor and have the wisdom to do this through subtle energy connections, then through the reverence and adornment of the physical, they know that sharing true love in their sexing means that they respect each other and themselves through permissions and boundary setting. They laugh at their humanness and welcome the inner child to come out and play. They understand that sexual union is an alchemical act and they cherish not abuse the power of it.
 
The great healing of our world and of humanity will gain great strides when men and women make the conscious decision to LIVE their earthly reality instead of their doctrines and ideals.
 
Will you bask in your sexing and manifest a future of happiness that the Creator will be proud of?
Or will you continue to succumb to societal illusions?