I feel sick and I am afraid to show it.
Afraid to speak about needing help.
Afraid to go outside of my home and sneeze.
To have my allergies.
Yes right now is a strange time,
is it not?
It is a time where more people are concerned for their health than ever before.
Shiz we don’t panic like this about getting in our cars and driving some place yet so far in 2020 alone there have been 288,502 automotive deaths in the world.
We don’t stop consuming all the toxins that we know cause cancer do we?
No matter a fact there was a run on the grocery stores for just these items…lol
and yet just so far in 2020 there have been 1,755,279 deaths from cancer.
We don’t run and grab knives out of everyone’s hands that are holding one, or freak out about everyone who is having a bad day and look at them paranoid like they are going to do something even though there have been 229,184 suicides so far in 2020.
And yeah, we stay clear of those who we know have the flu…
and no one wants the flu. – Self included.
But we don’t look at small children in the grocery store who cough or sneeze like they will kill us with their natural human functions, even though there have already been 103,869 deaths from the flu in 2020.
No, we do not feel ashamed of these things.
We just carry on and even inquire if someone needs some tea or groceries bought.
We do not have a run on toilet paper over flu season.
And we do not shun the old and young because of a cold.
Today on planet earth we shame for illness.
We shame for age.
We shame for sneezing and coughing and wheezing.
We shame for watery eyes and clearing the throat.
We look at our friends and neighbors like they have a gun in their hand for offering a hug or a hand up a step.
I got this.
I don’t need “you” to touch me.
Yes my fine fellow humans, ‘we are forgetting our humanness.
We may preach that we love our neighbors,
that we want to help the poor, the old, the ill,
but when it comes down to it…
our animal natures,
our instincts to cast out what we perceive as weak or dangerous offsets it all.
And we SHAME.
This Is how we humans deal with that, that we are not comfortable with.
With that, that we do not understand.
We shame those who have it,
or we assume may.
Forgetting that assumption is often wrong.
Not allowing any logic to lead.
And certainly not allowing our hearts a voice.
For all we hear is the screaming of FEAR.
We are being given an opportunity to grow in this chaos,
we are being given a chance to support and build a world community, where boraders and skin color, religion or sex do not matter.
We are being provided a beautiful opportunity to heal ourselves,
from the inside out.
To change our thinking.
To change how we perceive one another.
To come into alignment with our hearts,
and to show compassion for self and neighbor alike.
And my sweet reader,
I fear we are failing.
I fear that we are allowing our ego’s to rule and thus not evolving,
but instead stepping backward in fear.
There are places around this world,
where windows are open. You can hear the laughter of families and children playing.
You can hear people singing.
And they are places where the heart still remains.
Even though touch and community are limited,
they have found ways to still connect.
They have found ways to de-armour thier fear and transform it to love.
But these places are few and far between.
And if you live in one such as this I speak,
then count your blessings dear reader and send love into this world,
for many other countries are not as such.
For this world to heal,
to find is harmony again,
and for this dark spring to turn to summer once again,
we all must focus on what matters most.
We all must inquire how we are impacting the outcome.
Do we speak and act from fear?
Or do we act from compassion and love?
If it were you that were sick or having the stones of shame cast toward you, how would you feel?
I end this musing today,
with words to remember,
“Let those among you without sin, cast the first stone.”
None of us are without ego.
And none of us have a right to assume.
But we all make our judgements and in doing so,
we create a great separation from truth and ourselves.
We hinder this world and we blind ourselves to love.
Put down your stone in exchange for a smile.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
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MY INTIMACY SHARE ON CURRENT FAMILY LIFE BLESSINGS- FROM A MOTHERS HEART – WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
Feeling in love this morning as I get ready for the day and the next two weeks of adventure. I am in gratitude for the lessons and experiences of my past,
as without them I would not appreciate that which is with me today in my relationships, lifestyle, and being. It is so obvious to me how easy it is to take things for granted until we are faced with the not having them and sometimes we have to go through great suffering to appreciate that which our heart desires.
The simple little things mean so much.
It’s the smile from your child when they see you walk in the door.
It’s the warm embrace from your partner for no reason.
It’s the kind acts of service, no matter how small that show such care.
It’s the time taken for a conversation without attention to some device.
It’s the snuggling before bed or the good morning kiss.
When Levi makes me breakfast unexpectedly my heart smiles and I feel so blessed.
Every day when Zach chooses to stop in and chat with me before going home, I feel blessed.
When Sam comes and shares her awe over Dameion’s newest milestones or just sits and has a beautiful deep conversation with me about women-hood, I feel blessed.
When Rebekah comes in and shares her latest mommy experience or challenge, or when she just walks up to me and gives me a big hug and say, “I love you., ” I feel blessed.
When Jules asks to go out with me for whatever reason but I can tell she actually needs to just have a moment with mom to share something happening and is uncertain how else to ask for it, I feel blessed.
When Zak Miller, rounds the corner in my house and walks over to me and gives me a big hug before anything else or sits and talks from his beautiful heart, I feel blessed.
When Eniqueo and I tease each other and we laugh, or we compete in love over a good game of darts, I feel blessed.
When Gabe, wakes up in the morning and snuggles next to me and says, “I want you to be my snuggle buddy.” or rushes to help me do something without being asked, I feel blessed.
When Rowan grabs me and hugs so tight I can barely breathe and claims me all for himself, ” My mommy!” or takes my hand and asks me to read him a story and snuggle, I feel blessed.
When Kia, Andrew and J storm in my home and run to me with smiles and big hugs, I feel blessed.
When Dameion looks with his big eye’s up at me while I am feeding him his bottle and smiles while slurping back his milk, I feel blessed.
When Steve stops everything he is doing because he noticed that something was not right with me without me saying anything and gives me a hug or when he does all the little things that are actually big things to take things off my table, I feel blessed.
When I catch that mental snapshot of a moment that is awe inspiring of my family connecting and loving, laughing and being them, I feel blessed.
My life is so crazy busy.
My life has so many beautiful souls,
these that I shared a fragment of what I am blessed by and so many other dear friends and sister/brother souls who just light up my world with them just being in it and choosing to share pieces of their life with me.
It is mornings like this morning,
that I am reminded that life has not always been like this.
Life has always been full,
and there is always drama.
But not that very long ago,
my children wanted to be around me but the energy in our home was not supportive.
The laughter and joy,
the deep connective moments,
the family enviroment,
the thought to another,
the connection between myself and my partner,
the love that I so badly wanted to feel,
it was not there.
It was vacant.
And my heart hurt because of it.
My children suffered for the lack of it.
And my lesson is to never settle for so little of such a valuable thing again.
One of the biggest blessing that our lives can have is the blessing of connection.
The blessing that people,
the people that we cherish want to be with us,
From my blessed mama heart to yours,
appreciate your blessings and put your focus on them.
They are what make life so beautiful.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
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I just want to say that our system is F-CKED!!!!
I mean seriously f-cked.
Today I write with a heart that is frustrated, upset and emotional.
Today my heart goes out to all those who have experienced or who know that abuse is happening and can do nothing about it.
The one’s who want to protect, but find their hands tied.
Yes I feel you.
I see you.
I know the troubled heart that you carry.
There is nothing worse then to witness abuse of any sort happening and be told you cannot do a damn thing about it.
To hear the cries.
To see the bruises.
and be told that its not real.
Sit down and brace yourselves.
I am going to share an intimacy from my day,
an intimacy that is not fun,
is not humorous,
and most certainly not just.
I have family that is being abused.
Three little boys,
age 2, 4 and 5 who are being physically abused,
sexually abused, starved, beaten, left with a known predator and their cries are IGNORED.
By their mother,
Attorneys just want money,
no care as to child well being.
Everyone who knows says, ” I don’t want to get involved.”
And so the abuse continues.
And so the trauma continues.
And these boys,
these boys now hide with their horror that their uncle brings to them each week.
Now they learn that it is okay,
“He is your uncle, we love him, he can do what he wants.”
Our system is F-CKED!!!!
And for those who think this could not happen in this day and age,
I promise you this is a true story.
This man who is doing this has a record,
it was before he was 18 years old so no one knows of it.
It is ignored.
As if by some miracle that when he turned 18 things would change his sick mental state of being.
His distorted hunger.
Who the f-ck plays “the penis game” with kids?
What sort of adult man,
or any adult for that matter,
takes little boys and bites their penis as a f-cking game?
It is rare that I find such disgust for anyone,
but today I sit here after such great hope that CPS would see the light with this being a third report,
sweep in and do something.
At least prevent further abuse till the judge could settle things between the parents,
They choose to disregard.
To claim there is no abuse.
That its crying wolf.
I guess bruises on a 5 year old’s penis and stories of uncle playing the penis game are normal.
I guess that the signs that the boys show of abuse are imagined.
I guess that the only thing that matters is what?
The attorney’s and the money.
The let’s avoid paperwork, its Thursday, too close to the weekend.
And then, you know what I know is that in 15, 20, 30, 40+ years from now, when these boys are men, that they will have so much inner work to do to heal.
They will have to work through idea’s of suicide,
murder, not knowing their sexual personality.
They will have to learn even more than the rest of us about love and what it is and what it is not. And hopefully will not follow down a path like their uncle.
We wonder where the predators come from.
We wonder why our youth has the hate crimes,
why abuse is climbing and not spoken about until it’s too late. We wonder why mental health states is tipsy, questionable. Suicide rates are high.
This is why people!
We choose to take the easier path on almost everything we do. No matter the harm that it may cause.
We choose to ignore.
We choose to hide.
We choose to NOT SPEAK OUT!
We choose to shut down.
We choose to not stand up for hose who cannot stand up for themselves, because it’s not our problem.
We choose to have misguided loyalty.
We choose to not do the freaking paperwork.
We choose to let lives be destroyed.
We have created a system that support the expansion of trauma.
And we think it’s great!
Because it’s not our kid.
It’s not our family.
It’s not US.
It’s not YOU.
And sure this topic today is one that is too effing close to my heart and daily life right now.
But I have clients that have lived through this abuse.
I work with men,
who spend a lifetime trying to overcome the damage that was caused by such events and worse.
The stories that I have heard from adults about their youth,
I cannot tell you how my heart goes out.
The crusade to save our children,
If we ever want a world that is peaceful,
healed to any level.
We need to look at all human rights.
And stop treating children like they have no f-cking rights,
like they are just good story tellers.
Sexual Abuse for our youth is more real than what any of us want to admit.
And our system is F-cked to a point that it is almost hopeless.
Because it’s not about the children.
It’s not about safety.
It’s not about rights.
It’s about money, bottom lines and keeping it easy on those who don’t care and are not being effected.
I believe that there is HOPE.
I believe that our WORDS matter.
Our VOICES need to be heard.
The children need a voice.
And their voice comes from YOUR awareness.
Hope is awakened by more adults doing the inner work that they need to do to not be fearful of speaking out, speaking up and standing up.
Our children would be safer if the VILLAGE protected them instead of ignored them.
Yes today’s message is one of a CALL to ACTION that if you know of abuse happening to not turn the other cheek, to not ignore. To not hide your f-cking head in the sand and disregard.
Your hiding will never save anyone, including yourself.
But your voice,
your voice could save multiple lives.
Will you STAND, SPEAK UP, SPEAK OUT?
Or will you continue to ignore?
It’s starts with you not ignoring your SOUL.
It starts with you eliminating your own SHAME.
It starts with you communicating your NEEDS.
It starts with you getting COMMITTED to YOU.
So pull that beautiful head out of the sand,
and let your voice be heard.
Your message felt.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living Not IGNORING!
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Imagine letting o of your fear,
letting go of your shame.
What would your life be like if you were working with a mentor that could help you level up your life and let go of all those things that no longer serve you?
What would you like to release? Let go of and create for your EMPOWERED Life?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching today.
I give myself full permission to live a F*ck YES! Life.
Un-f*cking STOPPABLE BadA*s Me!
Stop Existing & Start Living
It’s My Why.
Everyone need’s a why to make BIG changes and find the courage needed to do the things that we really desire deep down to do.
If you are an entrepreneur then a question that often get’s asked is just that,
‘What’s your why?”
Your why has to be strong enough to get you through the discomfort,
The uncomfortable changes,
and the failures.
Yep the WHY has to be so strong that it forces you to BREATHE deep into your full capacity of BECOMING.
The why has to embody you.
It has to capture your heart.
And make you MOVE your ASS.
Without a strong why, then one just gives up.
We are more likely to allow life to over throw us and to steal our dreams.
On day’s like TODAY, I am reminded how lucky I am to have the WHY that I do.
I know that I am BLESSED.
My WHY is my children.
They are my HOME TEAM.
I know that many parents say that their why is their family.
And I am sure that it is.
It is a marvelous why to have.
Looking into the eye’s of your children and knowing that the reason you dare step out of your comfort zone and go against the grain of society, because the last thing you would ever want for them to do was to be, do or have a life that they were not fully turned on too or in love with.
Moment’s of laughter and joy with my kids make me grateful that I am among the lucky one’s who have chosen to create their own LUCK and not accept the bullsh*t structures of a life that is dictated to me, but a life that allows me to be present with my children, spend as much time as I want with them and be able to be there for the REALLY IMPORTANT moments.
Because the important moments are not just the school awards and graduations, or the sports tournaments or choir state finals.
The important moments are the one’s where a child just needs a shoulder to cry on, a hug at the end of a rough day, a ear that can just listen, or some good laughs in the most unexpected times.
Every time I get to listen at midnight to my 18 year old son sit and share with me conspiracy theory thoughts and as he call’s it “geek talk,” I find myself smiling at my WHY.
Every time my 15 year old daughter casually shares with me her private life and asks permission to rebel, and we laugh about the fact that she is rebelling but asking for permission, I find myself smiling at my WHY.
Every time I go for frappuccino’s with my 12 year old son and he smiles and run’s to get the door for me as he is sharing his deep thoughts on world history or science, I find myself smiling at my WHY.
Every time I find myself being asked to throw water on the trampoline as my 5 year old son bounces happily naked as a jay bird and say’s, “Thank you madriella’s.” as he squeals with delight, I find myself smiling at my WHY.
Every time my 3 year old son, bats his big blue eye’s at me and throw’s his arms open wide as I am leaving to go to a client appointment or get on a coaching call, then pushes out his bottom lip and says, “Kissies, huggies.” I smile at my WHY.
Every time my 21 year old daughter, post’s some of her amazing photography work or breaks down and share’s a deep intimacy about what is troubling her and how hard adulting is, I smile at my WHY.
Every time my 22 year old daughter stands strong as the woman that she is, not letting the world bully her but instead commanding from it what she know’s she is worth and not letting go of her dream’s or who she TRULY is, I smile at my WHY.
Yes, this is my WHY.
This is my HOME TEAM.
I have been BLESSED to have had a Home Team since I was 19 in my life. Although, I would not recommend motherhood at a young age for most, perhaps not even for myself, as I had much growing up to do when my eldest was born. I would not change a moment of my life as the mother to these 7 soul’s.
My WHY is not to bless these soul’s with more money, a bigger house or better car’s. My why is not to show them what a responsible adult does and lives like. My why is not to show them that you sacrifice the life that longs to be lived inside you for the life that you are handed from your outside influences.
My WHY, is to show my HOME TEAM who has supported me through the toughest of days, through home losses, relationship break ups, health issues, rape and even miscarriage and more.
That, living a courageous life,
A Life on Purpose.
A life unappologetically and true
is what living is about.
Life may blow it’s scary storms around you, but if you stand strong like a mountain it will not destroy you.
The storm of life can whip around and feel like it might over take you, it may have you consider sacrificing your heart and soul, but when you have a strong enough WHY you can bend as needed but not break like a willow tree.
My WHY is to see my children stand strong in who they truly are.
To be able to provide them with the support that they have given me and more.
My WHY is let them feel what unconditional love and acceptance really is.
My WHY is to show them a world that is here for them to enjoy.
My WHY is to show them that you can have YOUR DREAMS and still have your FAMILY.
My WHY is to ALWAYS show them that by just being YOU, that it is enough.
My WHY is to show them that we are each the CREATOR’S of our own destiny. That we are NOT victim’s to chance or fate, but that have FREE WILL and free will is the most powerful force when blended with self-love.
It will literally give you wings of courage to stand the storm of life and not just FLY above the clouds like and eagle, but to fly all the way into the heaven’s and find the peace, strength courage and guidance of God.
Yes, this is my WHY.
As any other mother on this planet would say.
My babies are my world, my delight and my WHY.
That is why I REFUSE to settle for AVERAGE & ORDINARY.
That is why I REFUSE to not listen to the call of my soul.
That is why I REFUSE to have my life dictated to me by the way’s of this world.
That is why I REFUSE to believe anything other than I was meant to live a F*ck YES! Life.
Just like my HOME TEAM was.
Just like YOU are too.
What is your WHY?
Stop Existing & Start Living!
Want to learn more about living a freedom based life? A life that is ALL about your why? Check out my 1:1 coaching or courses NOW! Message me or fill out the APPLICATION today!
I feel so f*cking good, do you?
I sure hope you do.
I feel so AMAZING.
And most of all in GRATITUDE.
Guess what for?
Your determination, curiosity, passion and desire to make this world a better place makes every moment here on this earth more valuable.
Your creative flow, deep emotions and craving for something more than average and ordinary excites my soul as it does many other’s that you touch without ever realizing.
Your strength, vulnerability and turn on to experience life fully and embrace all the blessings that God has in store for you shines brighter than the brightest star and ignites my soul to hold my arms wide in support for you.
Your wild and crazy heart that you so badly long to follow but find yourself stepping gingerly forward on the path that you cannot really see yet, brings a sweet smile to my face as I feel your fear, your nervousness and excitement and commend your courage for taking that step in faith.
Your ability to always remain a student to yourself, continuously searching for new treasures to be uncovered is a reason for the sun to rise everyday and this world to keep spinning.
As you spread your wings to allow the breath of God to carry you to your true destiny and you seek deeper and fiercer within it, is reason for the angels to sing of your glory, your worthiness to live a life of fullness and blessing.
You know at your core you are NOT average and ordinary.
You know who you are.
You are so much more than what you have been showing up as so far.
Open your wings BABY!
10,000 way’s you grace this world with your love, your passion, and your soul.
10,0000 reason’s for you to embrace who you are meant to be.
10,000 reason’s that I say THANK YOU and find my heart and soul in complete rapture for love of how miraculous you are.
You are the ONE,
The one that makes me smile when you share your growth.
Your heart and soul.
You are the one that makes my heart sore when you message me in surrender to your soul’s calling and take that leap.
Yes, BABY, you got this!
You deserve this!
You are love.
And you are loved.
Feel that excitement to take that step forward…
Feel the rush of joy and fear as they blend in your belly when you take that leap into your great unknown and say YES to yourself.
YES to the Life that you were called to live.
Yes to your well-being.
Yes to the relationship you crave.
Yes to the abundance that wants to flow through you.
Yes to the life where you are no longer surviving, but you are turned-on, tapped in and in your flow.
10,000 reasons my beautiful that you can have it, were born for it and that I am thankful for YOU being you.
COME NOW and walk with me, let us see a new day dawning.
Will you say YES?
YES to the most important person here.
You were born for the F*ck YES Life.
Stop Existing & Start Living!