This Is Why Your Woman Will Not Pursue You.

Can you imagine starving?
Can you imagine what it must be like to be so hungry and not have food available,
or to not be able to consume the food that is there close to you?
Now I have been hungry before,
there are actually many days that happen where I almost forget about eating. I get so caught up in what I am doing and who I am working with or enjoying,
that food does not cross my mind.
My body though is still hungry.
I might occasionally feel the pains and grumblings of my hunger,
but unless I focus in on it, I can resist it and carry on about what I am doing.
Over time though, my blood sugar get’s low.
My head starts to pound.
I get moody, feel light headed and tired.
I can’t keep focused.
And funny enough, in moments like this, the last thing on my mind is eating.
Instead I wonder about, wondering what’s wrong with me?
Because in the not eating, I forget about food.
 
It never fails though in these moments.
Someone comes along, with something that awakens me to my hunger.
 
I am sure you have had this experience.
You are hungry.
You get side tracked.
You get more hungry.
You ignore the hunger pain.
You dull your senses.
You feel off.
AND THEN……
you smell a burger and fries.
 
Yes, it’s that moment.
You can maybe even smell that burger and fries right now.
You pass that restaurant and you smell it.
 
YUM!!!!!
Your body ignites.
Your stomach yells at you.
Your gut gurgles and says, STOP.
EAT.
 
Okay,
so you can understand this right?
 
Now imagine these two scenarios.
 
1) You are hungry like this. Starving. You catch a whiff of something yummy. Someone walks by you with that burger or steak. You follow them. You smell its juiciness. You can taste it almost. You are so hungry all you desire is a bite. You wish to just taste it. And they look at you and say, “No – my food!”
What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
2) You are hungry like this. Starving. You smell that burger and you decide to run through the drive trough. You order it plus the fries and a soda. You inhale it without thought because of your level of hunger. It’s a piss poor quality burger. It lands in your gut like cement. You feel sick. You feel even worse than before you ate it. You know how bad it was for you and you start to overthink your haste. Now you are upset with yourself for doing what you know you should not have done. You should have waited and taken better care of yourself but the hunger was REAL. What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
In either of these situations,
you are not being fed.
You are not being fulfilled.
There is no real satisfaction.
You just get frustrated.
Irritated.
And want for more, but find yourself KNOWING that what you want is not what you got.
 
Many people when they make poor food choices that make them feel yucky, commit in that moment to not do it again. Or at least not do it to soon again.
 
Many people who are hungry like this, do not choose then to hunt down all the fast food that makes them feel less than good.
 
Many people when they see a link to something causing them issues, choose to either avoid it, or limit their exposure to it.
 
Right?
That seems normal and within logical reason, wouldn’t you agree?
 
Well, here is the thing love.
This tale of starving. Of fast food.
It is actually not about food at all.
It is about satisfaction. Desire. or lack there of.
It is about STARVING.
 
But what I speak of here is the starving of good sex.
The starving of gourmet fulfillment.
I speak here what almost every woman would agree upon if they were raw and real about it.
 
That they are STARVING.
Hungry for something that they hardly get.
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you have sex that you do not feel good from it?
That you actually feel yucky.
 
Can you imagine that you feel 75-80% of the time like it was a waist of time, energy and you feel disconnected and more empty then before you went into the situation?
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you had sex that you did not enjoy it, have an orgasm?
 
All of this and more is accurate when we truly look into female sexual experience.
 
Gentlemen,
You get fed every time you eat.
You eat what you want and you like it most of the time, because shiz,
it’s food and who does not like food.
 
Well us ladies,
75-80% of the time we eat,
we feel sick from it. And we are not really eating,
we are just getting that whiff of the food.
So who wants to sit in their hunger and just catch a whiff at best 75-80% of the time?
 
Who in their right mind would desire,
pursue, look for or even be excited in the least to have that experience?
 
Not too many people I am guessing.
Yet, our partners ( and I say this as a woman who has had a partner want me to desire just this that I speak on plus the hundreds of couple’s that I have worked with over time who have the male partner wanting to be pursued, desired and frustrated with the woman on not doing so)….
 
Our partners, want us to want this for ourselves.
And they wonder why…
why we women shut down.
Why the sex turns from hot to Anniversary, birthday and Christmas sex.
They wonder what is wrong with their female partner to not want such a wonderful, connective, fulfilling thing such as sexual intimacy.
 
And I tell you in my rawest truth here,
THIS IS ONE MAJOR CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.
 
So what is the answer?
How can you fix her issues?
How can you make sure that she get’s fed?
 
 
These are the questions that are asked in couple-hood.
 
First, it is a two way street.
Both parties need to work on it individually and together, communication MUST happen. Things must change in order to get the results desired.
 
Second, You cannot fix her. She is not broken. And she is not a toy for your fixing Mr. Fix It. So effing STOP! You can however become a better lover. You can gain presence, compassion. You can inquire with skill. You can slow the F-ck down. You can actually want her to enjoy and there fore not get irritated and bored with the time she needs to take. You can do your own internal work, emotionally and mentally.
 
Third, you can do the above two.
And of course, if you need more help.
You still don’t know what to do,
to change.
You can seek outside help.
Like mine, ( Yes my shameless plug there…. but it’s true, you have been doing what you have been doing and you have been blind to what is happening until this moment or you have been really good at ignoring it all and hoping that it would just fix itself. That has not worked though. So… insert my shameless plug again please.)
 
And here are the facts,
sex is important. No matter how we try to discredit it.
Sex and money are the two major factors in relationship breakup and happiness.
 
Many people think they have a successful relationship because they look at the longevity of that relationship. The years spent together.
 
However, the truth is that relationship success is not about the years together,
it’s about the joy. The happiness. The over all feeling that the relationship leaves you with.
 
And most relationships under this mindset of success are far from successful.
 
So I ask you today,
are you content having and providing a fast food sex life at best to your relationship? The person you love and cherish?
 
Or is it time that you discover how to truly feed her?
 
Yes the gourmet variety.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
‘Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on my 1:1 global coaching opportunities and more.
 
You deserve a deeply connective, turned on bedroom life and more.

The Importance of Social Media for Happiness Today.

Caught up in your phone.
Caught up with that small screen of yours.
It is so important isn’t it?
 
It holds your life.
Checking your bank account.
Checking your emails.
Personal and business.
It comes to this one small little world capturing device.
 
What’s happening on Facebook?
On Instagram?
Twitter?
Snap chat?
Whats new on Pinterest and what have you pinned today?
 
This world of ours it is all scrolling by on our wall and here we are missing each other for it.
 
I know how it is.
I really do.
I am oh so guilty of just this,
loosing myself to the mini screen in my hand.
 
And what I have noticed is that when I allow this screen to own my day,
my thoughts and time.
I am more anxious, I am more lost, more insecure.
It’s like my personal value and worth is somehow wrapped up in how many likes, loves or shares my messages gain.
 
I am curious as to what those I follow and learn from are doing, experiencing and enjoying.
 
I might be guilty even of comparing at times.
And here we go baby,
its the social media platform life.
It’s the modern world.
And its like never escaping high school on some days.
 
With all the communication,
all the personal shares and picture posting.
All the debates and livestreams,
you would think that we would grow to be a world society that loves deeper and greater and has better social skills because we have at our finger tips the world that so many of us will never actually be able to go explore to any level.
 
But what has actually occurred is a separation.
We have forgotten our humanness for all the distance between our screens.
 
We now think that it is okay to take the easy route and to be rude, hurtful, deceitful and immature.
We have forgotten that our actions, our words, and how we choose to show up impacts those around us,
and now more so than ever before those around us is a mass.
 
It is the WORLD beautiful that see’s you.
No matter how small a circle you have here in social media land,
your words have a bigger impact then they would have 50 years ago or even a decade.
Because we like, love, angry face and share.
We spread our infections to so many more then we use too.
 
It use to be just a small village that would hold space or burn us at the stake,
but today…
today the village is the WORLD.
 
Today it is even more important then ever before to sharpen up on your social skills.
 
Today it is even more vital to your business,
your personal life,
and the lives of those that you live and share your inner world with,
it is more important today to make sure as f-ck that YOU are being authentic and REAL.
That you are choosing to stand in your truth.
That you are confident in who you are and what you believe,
and that you are walking the path that your CORE,
your SOUL desires.
 
Because as this world has grown ever so disconnected.
The tribes that we build will only have loyalty beautiful,
if they can feel who you are.
 
And if you are weak in who you are,
you will get lost in today’s social media world,
washed up and lost beautiful.
 
And what will come of you,
will be suffering.
You will start to believe that what the WORLD thinks,
what the WORLD says of you is true.
And you will no more be your beautiful self.
 
So today commit to being YOU.
Authentically YOU in this crazy online world of ours.
Today commit to get up to speed on some old school social skills,
like being kind,
being respectful,
being YOU.
Stop with the manipulation, the lies and rude ways that you feel oh so safe in acting on because this small screen of yours is your shield.
 
Time to STEP UP and be Authentically YOU beautiful.
BE YOU and let your SOUL be felt.
Not your fear ego and jealousy.
 
This new world of ours will either make or break you.
 
Now like or love this musing beautiful and make me smile. 😁
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

WHAT YOU WANT YOU CAN’T GIVE 100% OF THE TIME.

You know what you are looking for in your life?
You know what you are wanting in your relationships?
 
It’s the very thing that is so hard to give.
We all have trouble offering it 100% of the time.
And in truth we simply will never be it 100%.
 
We can’t be it all the time,
because we are works in progress,
always getting to know ourselves a tad bit deeper.
And it is a scary ground to walk on.
But geeze do our souls desire it so.
 
What could I be speaking of beautiful?
 
Well its not more sex.
It’s not even love.
It’s not a pat on the back.
Or more money.
 
No.
 
The thing that we often desire is a little thing that you can not hold in your hands,
you can feel with your skin,
you cannot guarantee ever.
But you want it.
You want it, this I am sure.
 
That thing I speak of beautiful is:
 
TRUTH.
INTEGRITY.
HONESTY.
AUTHENTICITY.
 
So often I hear people say,
” I am an honest person.”
 
” All I want is to know the truth.”
” I hate drama and manipulation.”
” I am a person of their word.”
” I am just being me.”
 
Mmmm- Hmmmmm….
 
Is that so?
Is that true?
 
Perhaps it may feel that way to you.
And perhaps you may actually believe that you are.
And in many moments you most likely are.
But today I offer up the pondering of the possibility that maybe, just maybe you are not as authentically honest and truthful as you believe you are.
 
Perhaps you are human,
just like the rest of us out here.
Perhaps you are on a journey to discover who you are and even though you think you know,
you still find yourself waking up to new aspects of who you actually are each time the shiz hits the fan and you are triggered.
 
Every time someone asks something of you and you make an excuse.
Every time, someone shares something with you in confidence and you share it just once with this good friend over here.
Every time you get triggered and your words escape your mouth before you have thought them through.
Every time you blame and point that finger.
Every time you weep in feeling you are alone and story tell to yourself the lies that support.
Every time someone does not react the way that you desire and so you say something to make them change their mind…
 
Yes every time.
 
Every time you tell your lover something that is not true.
Every time you look down from yourself in the mirror.
Every time you shut down your heart from feeling what you said.
Every time YOU ARE ASKED TO STEP UP and speak your truth.
 
Oh, beautiful every time.
 
These are all moments when we choose to step back from that which we desire so deeply to have.
 
And by stepping back from our own truth,
we lean just a tad into that vibe of illusion.
And we lie to ourselves.
We lie to others as well.
It often feel’s so small,
it should not matter.
But each time we step away from our truth,
we close off AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION.
 
We shut ourselves down to love.
Because often beautiful,
in moment like these,
love is there.
Just on the other side of our illusions,
where we choose to lift our head,
say no to the ego of trying to get out of something or to manipulate.
 
Yes on the other side we find love.
We find freedom.
We find confidence.
And we regain trust.
 
You will never be a trustworthy person if you cannot stand in your own integrity,
even when you have fallen,
to stand in integrity is to give yourself grace enough to say,
“I was wrong.”
 
Where have you stepped away from that which you desire so much?
 
And how can you step back into authentic relating with those you love and care for?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

Hell Hath No Fury.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

 
Or so the saying goes.
The past month of my life has forced me to step into a fury that I did not know existed to the level that it does. One event opening up the wounds to another. And that event opening up the wounds to another and another and another.
 
At first I sat with the events after they happened and was simply shocked.
Bewildered and lost.
 
Then I shut myself to the emotions that were coming up.
Then I opened.
Then I shut myself down again because under the emotions and the physical sensations of pain, fear and worry,
I discovered something much darker.
 
The darkness of a ghost that had been lingering in my midst for my life.
The darkness of a fear that I had been dancing with forever.
The darkness of my heart.
 
I found myself dancing with the feeling of being a victim and not wanting to be one, yet not being able escape the reality of what had happened and the knowing that in this moment, in this timeline, I was a
 
VICTIM.
 
I hate the word victim.
I don’t believe in being a victim.
I believe that no matter the situation that we are all spiritual volunteers here playing out our lessons in life. Expanding and evolving.
 
Evolving through pain.
Evolving through love.
Yet still evolving.
 
So to sit with the reality that I was a victim in this moment was something that hurt me to a point of rage in my emotions.
 
I am not a victim.
I am a strong mother F*cking Goddess!
I am the co-creator of my world.
I am a f*cking manifestor that creates her world with power, certainty and direction through my heart and by the guidance of God and my soul link.
 

I am not a victim damn it.

 
But yet, here I sit with the reality that in this part of my current time line,
 
Physically,
at very least I am just that ,
that I do not prescribe too.
 
A Victim.
 
And f*ck it hurts and is scary and shit to admit that yes,
I too could be feeling this fear.
Feeling this loss of the life that I new.
Feeling the uncertainty of the steps that I must take.
 
Yes, here I am, still feeling like somehow I deserved this.
I made it happen.
If I had not only done this or that.
Then surly things would not have escalated to the level that they did and I would not be physically hurt and broken.
That I would not be emotionally worn out and lost.
That my faith and trust in relationship would still be strong.
That what I believed or thought I knew as truth would still remain in tact and that my world would remain all that it had potential of being.
 
Yes certainly I must be at fault for all that has occurred.
Yes certainly I must have been the culprit of this disaster.
I was not good enough.
I was too much.
I wanted to much.
I cared to deep.
I spoke to much of my truth.
I should have coward in the face of the danger instead of standing to face it.
I should have just shut up and got in my place.
 
After all,
I am just a woman.
 
Who am I to think anything other than the reality that I am just a woman.
 
It is a man’s world.
He’s the boss.
It is his house.
His car.
His world.
His right.
 
His right to command.
To command me.
To command how things go.
To command my actions.
My thoughts.
My feelings.
My words.
 
If I had just not spoke.
If I had just not inquired.
If I had just not followed.
If I had just let it be.
If I had just been a good woman,
and did what I was told.
 
Told…
 
Yes told.
 

“You will STOP!”

 
He wanted me to stop,
he wanted me to be quiet,
he wanted me to not inquire,
follow,
speak my truth,
stand up for my child,
for myself.
He wanted me gone.
He wanted me deleted from his life.
He wanted me to STOP.
 
If I had just listened.
 
I am not a victim.
I am a mother F*cking Goddess!!!!
Goddesses are not commanded to STOP.
To not speak their hearts.
Their truth.
To break in the face of danger.
To run in the face of danger.
To feel shame about their humanness,
their love,
who they are or anything else.
 
Goddesses do not abandon their children when danger is present.
Goddesses do not fear the outcome.
They command the outcome.
The outcome is one that is ALWAYS one,
one that in the long run supports the beauty,
the love,
the truth,
the heart,
the soul, the power of God that moves through each of us.
 
He fell in love with the Goddess,
but he wanted to tame her.
He wanted to own her.
He wanted to control her.
To shut her up and be her ruler.
 
Goddesses only have one ruler.
The Great Divine.
The Almighty.
Lord.
God.
Creator of All.
That is the only ruler of a Goddess.
And we are lead by our hearts.
 
Those hearts lead us to follow when we see our lover is in pain.
When we see our child is hurt.
When we know we are not being heard, seen or felt,
Those hearts lead us to speak up not become quiet.
 
And certainly not become quiet because we are commanded too.
 

F*ck That!

 
Hell hath no fury like a Goddess scorned.
That is how the statement should go.
 
But he,
he is the lucky one.
He scorned a Goddess,
a woman who know’s who she is,
who is not afraid to speak out,
to be vulnerable,
to forgive but not forget,
 
he is the lucky one.
Because in his actions she FINALLY witnessed his truth.
 
And he may not be strong enough to see it but she is.
She see’s his pain,
his fear,
his lack of truth,
his lies not just to her,
but to himself.
 
She see’s how deeply he is hurting,
his feeling of not being worthy,
his discomfort with integrity.
 
She see’s his shame and how he hopes to shame her.
 
She see’s him.
She see’s herself.
 
Yes.
 
I am not a victim.
I am a F*cking Goddess.
 
No matter what the experience, I KNOW that God has my back.
No matter what the result I know that I am the co-creator of my reality.
No matter what the feelings, or the physical challenges that are upon me, I know that I
 
 
People come into our lives.
They serve their purpose as we do in theirs.
We often feel betrayed, hurt, scorned and victimized.
This is all part of our path.
 
Our evolution.
 
But even in evolution we get to choose,
choose our reactions,
which lead us to the next phase of our own personal reawakening.
 
We get to choose how we evolve.
Every action has a reaction.
 
We choose what those are.
We have conscious thought.
That conscious thought can trump our ego and our core beliefs if we want it to.
We can decided.
 
NOW.
In this moment,
To love fully.
To heal quickly.
To not break.
To expand.
To express.
To be vulnerable.
To be worthy.
 
To COMMAND our life to be the life that manifests our dreams.
 
I may be a victim in the essence of the physical and emotional abuse that I have experienced in the last short bit of time,
 
But I am NOT a victim to life.

 

I am a mother F*cking Goddess!!!

 
I may be scorned,
and scorned deeply from multiple sources,
 
But I am not a victim,
because I KNOW
I know I get to choose my outcome.
 
My path.
My reaction.
I know that God has my back.
 
And I surrender my heart to that.
 

What do you choose?

 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Are you a woman that feel’s scorned? Hurt? Scared to step into her Mother F*cking Goddess Power? 
Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
 
 
 

It’s Complicated! – Challenges of Couple-hood Overcome. ( Global – LIVE – Online Workshop)

IS YOUR SEX LIFE SUFFERING?

Do you have all sorts of questions about sex but don’t know where to turn or who to trust?
Are you in an intimate relationship but feeling like things may be getting rocky or stale?
Are you concerned that this relationship may end the same as your last?
Do you wish you felt more passion in your relationship the way you did in the “honeymoon” phase?

Sex, relationships, marriage.

How do you keep things hot? What about when the fire dies down?
Why do some people manage to sustain a “hot, sexy, full of passion relationship when other’s can’t ?

Learn about good sexual communication and how to overcome the major sexual challenges of couple-hood so you can enjoy a juicy relations NOW and ALWAYS.

Kendal Williams will be covering the biggest sources of misunderstanding  seen  in intimate relationships around sexuality, intimacy and love and will teach you as to why these things happen and what to do about them.

Live Global Training on Facebook in Private Closed Group Setting.

Stop Allowing Average and Ordinary into Your Love Life Any Longer?

LEARN MORE AND REGISTER for Class and preliminary Course Material NOW

 

 *Time for LIVE Training is CST

 

What’s In It for Me? – Why Men OM. (Orgasmic Meditation)

whats in it for me

Why do Men OM? How “The 15-Minute Female Orgasm Changed My Life
FACT:
“Orgasmic Meditation is a wellness practice where two partners feel the sensation rising from a stroker (male or female) using their index finger to gently stroke the most sensitive part of the female anatomy for 15 minutes. There is no goal other than noticing the sensations that arise in the body. There is nothing extra.”- Trained OM Practitioners
Sounds great for the woman, but what about the guy? What’s in it for a man?

For me, the answer took a little over a year and a half to get clear on. According Tim Ferris’ book “The 4 Hour Body” (which I was reading to learn body hacking secrets) this practice called Orgasmic Meditation is claiming to give men and women access to a 15 minute Orgasm. Even though it sounded strange, I was curious.

However, after watching a couple of YouTube videos on the practice done by Deepak Chopra’s Channel and a Onetaste Men’s Panel, a thought persisted. What could I possible gain from a “meditation practice” where the presumed focal point is a clitoris?

I had a lot of discomfort around this puzzling question.
Was I missing out on something important?

So…out of pure curiosity, I choked up a couple hundred bucks and decided to get OM trained. Paying to have people show me how to stroke a clitoris for 15 minutes was a humbling stretch that sent me on a journey of unimaginable transformation and possibility.

The practice of OM has been both confronting and pleasurable. It exposed my shame and guilt around not only sexuality, but also being “a pleaser” who made decisions against himself in order to make others happy. This by and far was my most troubling self sabotage mechanism, and I had no clue of why it was or how to fix it.
So who was the old Kenny?

To keep it simple I was defensive and resistant to change. Always in my head… thinking too much, and feeling too little. These patterns lead to the demise of many otherwise amazing relationships and business opportunities. It was me against myself, and it was a war that I could not hope to sustain. Nobody wins in a war against one’s self.
Let me clarify what I meant by being a “pleaser”.
I mean that I desired nothing more than for others around me to be happy and find me acceptable. If you were happy, I felt great. If you were pissed I felt your displeasure. So I used my imagination to modify my behaviors to match others around me. I found out later that this was a survival tactic that has deeper roots; however you can ask me about that some other time. Bottom line is it felt like a curse because I could learn how to say things to make people feel better…even if those things were not in alignment with my truth. So I ended up putting myself in situations where I was angry with myself and others were perfectly happy. It was a problem that I would allow to fester and develop for about 20+ years.
The first step in Orgasmic Meditation is stating a desire.
It’s confronting to ask for what I want and be bold in that asking. The other person may not be receptive or they may be quite eager. This is the unknown about human interaction which kept me in my head imagining the safest thing to say. This is also the part of the practice that I and others have found to be the most transformative.
I had to face this unknown factor every time I would ask for an OM.
More importantly, I had to deal with what my partner desired every time she would ask for an adjustment in the middle of an Orgasmic Meditation. I was being worked by emotional desires of both my partner and I. Emotions that want so desperately to be expressed without being censored by our thoughts. I also encounter a usage for the lessons of OM when observing the question, “What would happen if other people found out that I OM?” then,” Why am I caring if they find out?” Damn, my shame and guilt is being challenged, I thought.
How do we learn to put the desires of others desires before our NEEDS? And yes…HUMAN TOUCH IS A NEED!

Well, if you are like me, then you probably learned sometime during childhood that certain emotions and desires were “inappropriate”. So there was this splitting off of desires between public desires that were ok to share, and private desires which we stopped ourselves from sharing due to fear. For me, those private desires led to experiencing shame and fear around not being good enough. It led to me desiring to please others ahead of myself.

Personally, my shame had always been intrigued by human sexuality since a friend brought a porno magazine to school in the 5th grade. I felt shameful from being turned on since I was taught that sex was a bad thing from sex education class and church sermons.
People who had sexual thoughts were sinners and deviants who got pregnant and ruined society with STD’s. If I was turned on, what does that mean about me? Does that make me a bad person? Would God disapprove and send me to hell? Does the woman I’m meeting think I only wanted to get to know her so I could sleep with her?
The result?
I now felt even more turned on and more awkward around emotions and women. No wonder… these beliefs while well meaning were fueling my fear, shame and guilt. The evil three which many of us carry around for way…way too long!
It’s these questions which led to me expressing my sexuality and emotions in unhealthy ways which ironically enough reinforced my guilt, shame and fear.

As mentioned earlier. I had a habit of meeting and then losing incredible women in my life. The response was the same from all the relationships; they loved the sexual connection, thought I was a good person…but wanted someone who was “emotionally available”.

I realized my sex/life was just repeating what I had seen in online porn/ TV/Hollywood movies and articles about sex/religion. I rarely had my own exploratory sexual/life experience and definitely didn’t feel comfortable around women/emotions. I couldn’t escape the judge making my every decision one that resulted in guilt. So I would suffer in the prison cell of my mind, just hoping that one day something or someone would magically come along to reverse my sentence and allow the guilt, shame, and fear to disappear.
I had no idea what it meant to be emotionally available, in the moment, or operating from desire.

I also had no female friends, because at my core…I did not understand how women could express the same emotions my shame had me to repress. Looking back… it’s obvious how I’ve grown and evolved as a man and human being from approaching Orgasmic Meditation as practice.

I’ve reversed nearly every challenge that I’ve had before learning this practice. I now operate from my core essence as a spiritual human being. I run on my intuition instead of running from it. I have strong female friends and partners with whom I share with, support, and aid in personal growth and clarification. I express my emotions raw and natural, instead of reacting to others. Most importantly I have exposed the mechanism behind guilt, fear, and shame.

So what is in it for men/women like me is the ability to be fully integrated as a present spiritual human. A human who lives with purpose and can be strong inside while being and sensitive to surroundings.
Now I smile on the inside when hearing this question after almost two years of making Orgasmic Meditation a practice. There are both men and women who consider OM to be something other than what it actually is, a wellness practice which exposes ignorance and heals shame.

Now if someone asks, “Why do I OM?”… The answer is simple.
It’s only 15 minutes and it feels great.
Why wouldn’t I?
Why wouldn’t anybody?

-Written By Kenny Jay, Member of the Dallas OM Community

Email Him at  kennyjay@connectedawakenings.com

kennyJayAbout Our Guest Contributor: 

Kenny Jay  has dedicated his life to uncovering deeper and more intuitive ways to connect with humanity from within. As an artist, lover, and agent of change, he enjoys sharing growth in all conscious forms.

In his 20’s he left the small town in Indiana where he grew up to travel all over the United States working on personal development. Constantly seeking to mentor and be mentored has led to a compassion and desire to for connecting humanity. Anyone growing up with him will tell you that he actually thought it would be cool to live the ultimate underdog story, because to him those make the best movies.

Thoughts on this Article from Kendal

KWdec2015

As a sex and relationship coach I share OM frequently with my clients. All of my clients, single men and women, as well as coupled men and women. I work with my clients using the OM practice on almost a daily basis. I would say that 95% of my client base is OMing either with me as the stroker or they have become part of the local community and have partners to OM with. I make sure that OM is a foundation practice taught to all of my couple clients as well. And the one thing I hear over and over again from everyone, male or female is, “What’s in it for the stroker? – typically the man.” I try and share from my perspective what the stroker gets as I do lot’s of stroking with those individuals who desire a female stroker and are working with me for greater empowerment and embracing of their sexuality and healing. But I never seem to really be able to express what a man get’s from this practice, as I am not a man clearly. And therefore with our social programming of how men think and what their needs and desires are we believe that if a man is not “getting off” in some way sexually then it is an empty experience for him. When in truth after working with literally a few thousand men over the course of my coaching and tantra practice, I have learned that men typically are far deeper than we expect and crave connection more than “getting off.” With this a smart man understands that if he cannot be in-touch fully with his body and be present then there is no way that he can be in-tune with his partners body or provide the intimacy that they both desire. He also knows that a woman’s orgasm is the ONLY thing that can take him to greater pleasure heights and it is through her release and surrender that he will be able to truly expereince bliss. Without this connection he will never have more then a pump-pump-eww-goo expereince. Blend these facts with the insights shared by our author Kenny here and I cannot imagine why men would not want to do this practice. In all honesty and rawness (which what else would you expect from me), if a man is struggling with being a stroker because he feels he is not getting anything from it other than turned on with no release than he is a sexually immature man and one who needs some harsh lessons in sexuality, relationships and self-growth and acceptance. He is far from being ready to tackle greater adventures of sexual growth and play that such things as Tantra can teach.

A Note About the Author

Yesterday Kenny shared this incredible article in a group on Facebook. I have been blessed to taste this man’s energy here and there over the last few years of his practice and will admit I look forward to getting to know him better as time moves on. Kenny Jay and I lost our OM virginity to each other as we were in the same training class together and from the first moments of walking through the classroom door my whole being was drawn to no one else in the room but him. I was certain that he was the one who had the energy that I could relax into and explore this practice with in a group setting. I was right, his presence level, vibrational pull, playfulness and just sheer desire was ever present in that first OM and every time I am around him since I feel it grow and expand. I would describe Kenny as a man on fire for life. A true blessing to this world. And I encourage any ladies who are in the OM practice or are just getting started and want a male stroker to please contact him. It is a rare man who can hold the attention and space the way he can.

I’ve Become Monogomish

monogamishHow did I get myself into this one…

My confessions: I’m a hardcore romance junkie, like heroin and crack. And I can’t seem to confront myself directly without going through a man to do it.

What is it in here that is so disturbing to me that I can’t face it?

Perhaps the squirming snake of my own immense hunger, endless and ready to swallow the nutrient it craves whole. The moral-less flavor of it, the disregard it has for human life, for values, for ideals, for feelings, for “where people are at,” for slowing down and for “holding space.”

It’s this coiling boa constrictor of appetite that is simply meant to eat. The hunting predator in the woods doesn’t think at all except to calculate distance, how to make sure the wind doesn’t carry her scent to her prey, and how to have it be that her final powerful leap lands her right on top of her target.

This is the one in me who craves the romance. I don’t know why romance is the thing. I don’t know if it is because my dad used to drink and he used to leak emotion all over me when he was in his cups deep, emotion that had this thick sweet cloying romantic quality to it. Well yeah that’s probably it. All I know for sure is that it’s still something that has dominion over me, for better or worse. And now I find myself winding my way through another romance.

The stage is set. We have been seeing each other for a few weeks and while it’s new, there is a deep spot of involuntary that got touched in us both.

So there’s me: unconventional relationship practices for the last decade, anything close to monogamous not among them. And there’s him: if you love someone and they love you, and you have sex, you are now monogamous. And if that changes or goes off-course it equates total psychic devastation.

Some might see this as an impasse, but my mind is in heavy play-mode these days, so… I came up with a game. Thirty days of research – I am monogomish (I still practice Orgasmic Meditation with others) and he has to sleep with other people.

This is a huge edge for both of us on each side. For him, having me and having other women totally cracks open his concepts of conventional relating. What woman would afford her man these luxuries? Does it mean I don’t want him enough? Does it mean he might become some kind of “lesser” man who just likes to fuck loads of women?

And for me, well… I’ve prided myself in being a free woman for a number of years now. Free in her thinking and in her sex, a rare breed we call “turned-on women” who won’t allow themselves to lock down into too much conventionality lest they lose their ability to move freely in the world and liberate others. This looks different for all of us but for me a huge component of it was non-monogomy.

My sex is my furnace, my generator, my power; to hand the satisfaction of it all over to one person feels terrifying. Does it mean I’m not free anymore? Does it mean I’m going to sleep inside of my addiction to romance? Does it mean I won’t be able to produce enough fuel for my fire and my power will dwindle?

It’s day three. All I know so far is that there is a vigilant hunter that usually sweeps through the area as I walk through London, as I chat with people in a room, as I surf the internet. And this hunter is suddenly quieting in the arena of searching for prey.

Some part of me is softening into allowing myself to be pet and taken care of. This was so not the stroke for me in the past but now here I am and it is.

I can feel my insides relax into it unexpectedly and sink into a deeper sense of femininity and reception.

ORIGINAL POSTING @ Orgasm Daily

15 Things You Should Give up to Make Your Marriage Work

15-Things-You-Should-Give-up-to-Make-Your-Marriage-Work4Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your married life a lot easier and a lot happier. We hold on to so many things that cause a great deal of stress and frustration in our relationships – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing our relationships to flourish and blossom – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today you will give up on all those things that no longer serve you, and you will embrace change. Starting today you will make your marriage work. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your unrealistic expectations

Give up all your unrealistic expectation about marriage being this beautiful box full of all the things you have always longed for and see marriage for what it truly is – an empty box where you and your partner MUST put all the things you want to take out. Accept that if you want to have love in your marriage, you have to put it there. If you want to have happiness, passion, intimacy, companionship, trust in your marriage, you have to put it there. Relationships take work, a lot of work and if you want to live a happy, beautiful and loving life next to your partner, you will both commit to making your marriage work. Always remember, relationships don’t work unless you do.

2. Give up control

People are made to be loved, not controlled. The more you try to control your partner, the more you will push him or her away from you and the less love there will be left between you two. Give up control and allow the ONE you love to just be. Allow the person you love to be who they are and not who you want them to be.  

3. Give up possessiveness

No matter how long you two have been together and no matter if you are married and have 10 children together or not, you do not posses your partner. He/her is not your propriety. You both are two separate entities and just as you are separate from him, so is she separate from you. Give up possessiveness and allow your partner to breathe. Give him/ her the space and freedom they truly deserve and watch how much more beautiful your relationship becomes.

4. Give up criticism

Give up the need to criticize every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do and instead start appreciating those many things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place. Seek to praise not to criticize. Keep in mind that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

“Compliments and criticism are all ultimately based on some form of projection.” ~ Billy Corgan

5. Give up the need to fix your partner

Relationships aren’t about fixing one another, relationships are about loving, caring and supporting one another. You might think it’s your responsibility to “save” and “fix” your partner but trust me, that’s not really the case. Give up the need to fix your partner and work on growing, improving and evolving together instead.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” ~ Albert Einstein

6. Give up your jealous behavior

”A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein

The root cause of jealousy is insecurity. Work on letting go of your insecurities and you will immediately understand the futility of a jealous behavior. You will immediately give jealousy up. 

7. Give up on your fears

Give up the fear of cheating on one another, the fear of falling out of love, the fear of having your present relationship become as toxic as the previous ones and so on. Get out of your fearful head and into your loving heart. Give up on all your fears and love with all your heart. 

“Perfect love casts out fear. If fear exists, then there is not perfect love.” ~ A Course In Miracles

8. Give up the chase for perfection

What screws us up the most is this idea we have in our heads about how relationships should be like and how our partners should behave. Instead of savoring, loving and praising one another, nurturing the relationships we have, we waste our precious time and energy seeking perfection, in ourselves, in our partner There’s no such thing as perfect relationships simply because there’s no such thing as perfect people. Your marriage is and always will be a reflection of who and your partner are – two perfectly imperfect people.

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ~ Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

9. Give up on blame

Believe it or not, it’s not the other person’s job to make you feel all the things that you yourself can’t feel on your own. It’s not the other person’s job to make you feel loved, happy and whole when you yourself feel unworthy, unhappy and incomplete. That’s not their job, that’s your job. Give up the need to blame your partner for everything that goes wrong in your world, for why you aren’t feeling as loved and as happy as you would like to feel and start taking ownership for your own thoughts and feelings.

“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” ~ Esther Hicks

10. Give up the need to always be right

Remember when you and your partner first started dating? Remember how beautiful and how lovingly you spoke to one another? Back then you didn’t care whether you were right all the time or not. All that you cared about was to make the other person feel loved, appreciated and happy. So why change now? Give up the need to always be right and choose to be kind, loving and supportive instead. 

“Common courtesy plays a big role in happy marriages. People who are permanently married are polite to one another. They don’t want to hurt one another’s feelings, and they don’t try to make the other one feel humiliated. People who are married for life are extremely kind to one another.” ~ Frank Pittman

11. Give up living your life according to the other person’s expectations

It’s true that relationships require compromise but when you compromise too often, living your life according to the other person’s expectations, you risk losing yourself and that’s how you start feeling bitter, depleted, frustrated and very unhappy. Don’t lose the “I” in playing the “We” game. Compromise when needed but not so much that you lose your sense of self. Balance is key.

“The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind.” ~ Mignon McLauglin

12. Give up your clingy behavior

There’s nothing less attractive than a person who clings onto his/her partner expecting the other person to provide all their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Take the “pressure” off of your partner’s shoulders and put it on your shoulders instead. Seek to become the provider of your own their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Be the source of your own happiness.

“You have so little faith in yourself because you are unwilling to accept the fact that perfect love is in you, and so you seek without for what you cannot find within.” ~ A Course In Miracles

13. Give up asking for more than you give

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ~ Anthony Robbins

If you enter a relationship expecting to get a lot more than you give, chances are that you will have many marriage regretsThe only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Give more, ask less.

14. Give up your emotional baggage

Make peace with your past. Make peace with your “stuff”. Don’t carry the heavy weights of your past with you into the present. If you want to build a happy, loving and healthy relationship, you have to start fresh, you have to leave your emotional baggage behind.

“The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. What is grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion.” ~ Lao Tzu

15. Give up attachment

There is a huge difference between love and attachment and what most people call “love” is nothing more than attachment. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love is pure, kind, and selfless. Love is ready to detach and let go if the relationship between two people becomes toxic and detrimental to the healthy growth and evolution of both parties. Attachment on the other hand loves to hold onto toxicity, feeding itself with the pain and suffering of people.

Deepak Chopra says it best with these words: “Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires. Love imposes no demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand – “Make me feel whole.” Love expands beyond the limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.”

And these are the 15 things you should give up to make not only marriage work but also any romantic relationship.

P.S. It’s very important to understand that some people, no matter how much they love one another and no matter how much they want to make their marriage work, might not be able to do so simply because they both learned the lessons they had to learn and now life calls them in different directions. To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert, soul mates, they might come into your life to reveal another layer of yourself to you, to help you see a part of you that you did not know was there, but when the work is done, they will leave, making room for something new, for something better to come your way.

This is why it’s so important to listen to your heart and intuition and make sure that you don’t stay in a relationship that makes you feel dead on the inside simply because that’s what society and everyone around you expects you to do. Your peace of mind, health, happiness and wellbeing are more important than anything else. So stay happy!

“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

If it’s true that marriages are meant to last for life, why is it that so many people divorce? What do you think is the key ingredient to make a marriage work? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below :)

With all my love,

ORIGINAL POSTING at Purpose Fairy

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex Coaching (Includes Tantra Educators)

IMG_3128 editThe mysterious land of sex  and relationship coaching does not have to elude you anymore, matter a fact you may be surprised at just how beneficial this service can be in your own love life.

As a practitioner of Tantra, a real life sex educator (basically this means I pull NO punches on the facts and am a realist) and the mother of six children, I have experienced my fair share of interesting events in the sex and relationship world and that is not even taking into account the time frame I spent dating 10 gentlemen all in unison or the 17 year marriage that I had the pleasure of learning from. All providing me with an authentic, loving eye to the BIG world of sex and relationship and how taboo it is for us as a society to speak of these intimate and empowering or dis-empowering moments in our lives. I have come to see how hard it can be for many single’ and couple’s to open up to a therapist or teacher and even how much more courage it takes to become vulnerable with their lover(s) and self. Below are 10 things that you may have not known about sex therapy/coaching/educating that will help you to evaluate the practice as the healing modality that it is, hopefully releasing some of the preconceived notions and taboo’s of it as well.

So what do sex coaches do (or don’t do), what issues can they help solve, what happens inside their office or sacred space (even a coffee shop)?

1. Your Sexual Confidence Overflow’s Into Your Daily Life – Sex Coaching Can Help Empower You in Both

I hear a lot of the time from people that they don’t need sex coaching because they have a good sex life, no hangups or trauma but what they do need is a life coach or a coach that will help them with an issue that has nothing to do with the bedroom. One of the biggest issues that we have in society today is our need to compartmentalize everything, not embracing the fact that everything is interconnected.

“What people don’t expect from sex therapy is how strong, confident and assertive they become in every area of their lives,” says Marne Wine, a licensed professional counselor and AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) certified sex therapist in Westminster, Colorado. “Sex therapy is just life playing itself out in the bedroom. Are you willing to be OK with yourself because you don’t know everything or have all the answers? Are you willing to put yourself out there and risk ridicule and failure? Once you learn to do that in the bedroom—naked—you can do it anywhere.”

When you are feeling connected and are able to receive as well as give properly, in love and sexually, you feel like you can do anything. Our fulfillment in our intimate relationships, both emotionally and sexually transfer out into all other areas of our lives. Our intimate relationship are a reflection and a stage on which we can choreograph our full life expression: weather that is showing up in our love life, our work life, with our purpose, our children, friends or in our health. When things are not aligned and harmonious in your sexual relationship(s), it drags all the other parts of your life down with it.

2. Being Naked With Your Sex Coach Does Not Involve Nudity

Through the years what I have found to be one of the biggest hurdle’s for people to get over is their own predetermined thoughts of what they “think” sex therapy or coaching even Tantric work is. Most of the time, clients are either one of two things: fearful that the therapy/coaching might involve physically intimate situations or hopeful that they will. To set the standard straight, traditional sex therapy/coaching (talk therapy) is just that, talk therapy and DOES NOT entail any sort of physical nudity. When coaches refer to being naked in this sense they are speaking of the emotional/physiological vulnerability of be naked, letting down your guards and fulling being authentic with your coach.

When you move into the world of Tantric practices and teaching you do open up the gateways of more vulnerability and nudity. Often Tantric work is a pseudo label for bodywork that deals with the genitals. This sort of ancient practice is along the same belief systems as acupressure, acupuncture, reiki, and massage. For centuries it has been known that the human body stores stress, trauma, and even memories in the cellular tissue of our muscles yet in modern times we are told that it is wrong to treat the genital areas of men and women as though we would treat their backs, necks, legs or feet. Tantra teaches that we must heal the entire body and not ignore or separate one aspect of ourselves from another but instead embrace and heal all parts in order to unite them and restore harmony to the whole-being. This being said, each Tantric Coach is an individual and practices are as unique as the teachers themselves. It is best before stepping foot down the Tantric path to fully explore what the style of the teacher is that you are pursuing and make certain that you are comfortable and in alignment with how they practice.

There are other types of people who work in the sex therapy world as well, such as sex surrogates, but there are very few legal certified surrogates in the United States at this point.

3. Authenticity and Healing the Sexual Self is Taboo, but NOT in Your Coaches Presence

I have worked with individuals and couple’s alike who  face their shadow’s on a daily routine in my care. Everything from repressed memories,  sexual hangups and fantasies or  issues of abuse that frightens them to talk about, there is truly no subject too taboo for a sex therapist/coach. We have heard it all and many of us have been through our own shadow lands and know how hard and painful these things can be to vocalize. The truth in the therapy is that when you become vulnerable enough and find the courage to lay it all out on the table to your coach or therapist; you have finally stepped into releasing the shame, trauma and suffering in the victim-hood and have made way for empowerment and healing.

Often I hear from my coaching clients, “I feel so comfortable with you. I don’t normally share like this and especially about these sort of things.” This safe container that is made between the client and the coach is there because we sex coaches and therapists have experienced ourselves and with our clients so much that we have learned the valuable lesson of holding space free from judgement and criticism. It is in everyone’s best interest that the container be safe and full of unconditional love.

4. Finding the Right Sex Coach/Therapist or Tantra Teacher Is The Foundation Of Your Healing

Are you considering a sex therapist because they have a license? Are you wanting a sex coach because they have a certification from some institution or center somewhere? Are you wanting a Tantra teacher that claims to be trained by such and such leading tantra school?

Certifications, licenses, and other formal schooling are all powerful resources and I believe that they do help in the client healing process. But they are not the foundation of what makes a good healer, coach, therapist or educator. A truly good coach will be one who has the moral standards that align with what their clients needs and desires are. They are individuals who know that they do not hold all the answers but know how to hold the space needed for their clients to discover the right answers for themselves. They speak not just from the formal education and intellectual understanding that they have gained through their certifications but also from their life experiences and personal healing journey.

To ensure that you are with the right coach/teacher/therapist for you:

  • Explore your coaches background.
  • Get testimonies and references.
  • Meet your coach/therapist for a consult in person prior to any therapy work.
  • If your practitioner does any group events/talks/seminars, attend at least one prior to working one on one with them so that you can get a feel for how they relate to people and what people think of them.
  • Get your questions and concerns answered and BE direct in what you are wanting or not wanting in your experience.
  • And if, after the first appointment, you don’t feel comfortable with the coach/therapist, find another one—or ask for a referral. A good coach will keep your best interests at heart—not there ego.

5. Sex and Relationship Coaching is Not Just For Crappy Lovers or Traumatized Individuals

But we already have a GREAT sex life and deep intimacy, so what can you do for us?

“Most people believe that something has to be broken, or that they do, in order to seek sex therapy. What I do is more about sexual and emotional enhancement, making things better, than it is about Slot A and Prong B. The most frequent therapeutic outcome of any sex therapy is the relief that comes with being able to talk about sexual feelings, thoughts and fantasies, just putting them out there to be examined.” according to  Isadora Alman, a marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified sexologist in San Francisco and I would have to agree with her 100%. Many of the couple’s that I have worked with have come to me to have support and learn new skills in their sex and emotional relating with their partner, others have come in hopes of healing an issue or misunderstanding even a desire for saving their relationship, but I would say about 40% of my couple’s clients are coming to me for enhancement not fixing. These couple’s want to go deeper in their already dynamic relationships. They want to feel more, love more and they want to explore their partners hearts, souls and bodies with more passion, understanding and empathy.

6. Your Marriage May Not Be Lost After All

Sex is the backbone to the marriage or intimate relationship(s). When we loose respect, connection, empathy and desire for our partners during our sexing it takes a major toll on our whole relationship. When a couple is having troubles with their sex life, a traditional marriage counselor might say, ‘You need to make time for you two to connect’ when it’s way more than just connecting for sex. If desire is no longer on the table and trust has been broken in the relationship or one party has experienced something traumatic or the couple is just feeling blah toward each other any false forced attempt to revive the sex or relationship will just fall prey to the wolves of the issues that are there already or possible even cause further damage.

This sort of advice often leaves couple’s wanting more or feeling misunderstood and lost. A sex coach or therapist can exceed the normal harnesses of coaching and therapy that a traditional coach has to abide by providing the clients with an ‘outside of the box’ approach to possibly heal their relationship issues and their marriage.

Instead of waiting till you have tried all other paths of healing and therapy to save your relationship look at sex coaching or therapy work among your first and get the advice you really desire.

7. Sexual Positions to Physical Dysfunctions and More Can Be Solved

In my many years of practice I have worked with many issues from men with broken penises (literally broken from rough sex) who no longer knew how to properly penetrate their lover to women who with no ability to orgasm and couple’s who wanted to swing but keep one party monogamous at the same time.  These issues as well as to low or high libido, sexual difficulties and dysfunctions, sexual issues from cancer treatment and surgical procedures, ED, premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm (men and women alike), intimacy issues, dating issues, rape and abuse victims, virgins, couple’s who have not had sex for months or even years, kink fetishes and other adventurers as well as so many more.  And then there are the one’s who just want to learn a new skill or position. 🙂 Yes, what can sex coaching help you with? I don’t know, but if your alive it most likely can assist you in living a better one.

8. Communication Equals Intimacy and Better Life Skills

Sex coaching is NOT all about sex acts and functions. Many of the people who come into sex coaching walk away with an improved ability to communicate and learn how to respect themselves and others through authentic communication skills taught in a session. So if you are fearful of confrontation or want to dive right into the fires, sex coaching can help you learn loving communication that can share your desires, needs and boundaries as well as skills of how to empathetically listen to everyone in your life not just the one you sleep with.

Ask yourself this: Was my last verbal exchange something like this, “Bring me the remote” or “Grab those bags of groceries for me, hun.” Remember that the keys to a gourmet relationship and sexing start with gourmet communication.

9. Back To School You Go

Most people believe that they know all they need to know about their bodies parts and their lovers bodies parts but in reality most people have not a clue what is between their legs or how to treat it, let alone their lovers. Science is in the beginning stages of unearthing the mystery of the clitoris and the research on that one small piece of a woman’s body is just a little over 15 years of study so far.

I do art therapy classes, both group and individual with many of my clients to help them reconnect to their sexual selves. In these classes we explore sensations and draw or paint how we may need to express them during a class. In other instances I work with clients and have them take a mirror into a bathroom or private spot and look at themselves. One of my softer approaches is to use stand alone models of these parts of the body and teach what each area is as I discuss deeper issues with a client.

In my practice as a sex coach I offer what I call Show N’ Tell Sex Ed Classes to people where they get hard core education blended with live model demonstrations. The value of knowing your body and being comfortable in it is one of the most important steps to regaining confidence and releasing trauma as well as stepping back into an intimate relationship.

10. Brings Back The Honeymoon Phase

There is nothing like a first kiss or first glance and especially nothing like the first time you have sex with a new lover that is floating your boat, but over time the NRE (New Relationship Energy) fades and we take our partners and relationship, including the sex for granted. We stop courting each other and slowly the desire leaves or is masked bythe day to day grind of life. Well, sex coaching can help with all of that! Sex coaching can help couple’s reignite those flames and make room for snuggling and making out, getting frisky in the car and even planning out sex dates. Sex coaching can help couple’s go from friendly pecks call a kiss to passionate first date kissing.

BONUS Item!

When you enter into a coaching therapy with  a practitioner you must be prepared to invest time and energy into yourself in all ways. As you can see, sex coaching takes into account lot’s of things not just sex. Often one of the issues experienced is a lack of commitment from the client. Coaches (no matter the field) are here to help YOU, the client find your own way to healing, NOT give you all the answers. There are no set guidelines or times that can be stated for your transformation or healing to occur. There are no guarantee’s that you will be healed or that your assumed expectations will come about. What is for sure is that anyone who truly wants the guidance, support and education can have it but must be willing to expect homework, which might include writing exercises, communication exercises, intimacy and, of course, sex. And must be willing to step out of the box that has been holding them back for all this time.

– KW

*Some quotes found on google from glamour.com articles

5 Signs You’re In A Highly Sacred Relationship

couple-relationshipRelationships provide the opportunity to teach us many lessons. Whether it’s between parent-child, friends, or even strangers, we can learn so much more about ourselves in relation to others.

On some level, every relationship is sacred as it holds opportunity for us to grow. However, there’s something distinct about the intimate relationship shared by lovers. Our partners are not defined by genetics or familial bonds. We’re not necessarily thrown into proximity by way of work or school environments. We choose willingly to enter into relationship with them. In addition, there’s the added component of physical intimacy.

Here are five characteristics of healthy, sacred relationships:

1. You can be yourself.

In a sacred partnership, you won’t feel the need for self-censorship. You feel free to show the spectrum of who you are and lose the masks often worn in society.

Even though you may still feel self-conscious about some of your behaviors, you work through your hesitation and often end up laughing at yourself. In the presence of this other, you are more accepting of the things you once tried to hide.

2. You maintain individuality.

Even though all barriers have been removed to allow room for your significant other, you still find independence within the relationship. Though you share many things together, you still have some of your own interests and pursuits.

You are not reliant on the other’s presence to fully function or feel whole, nor would your partner expect or demand otherwise. Your partner supports and encourages your individuality, as do you for them.

3. You have a mutual desire for personal evolution.

Consciously sacred connections always move in the direction of growth: for the partnership and for each individual. A desire to impede the growth of the other for one’s comfort is a manifestation of fear. Even when one is concerned that the relationship may dissolve, they accept that their paths may diverge for the benefit of both. Evolution is put before personal gain.

4. You “hold space” for each other.

The art of holding space for another is rooted in love and respect. It means listening to them wholeheartedly and letting them know by your complete presence that they are seen and valued. It’s not a space where you try to fix the other person. It’s about being witness to the totality of your beloved.

5. You’re peaceful.

Life doesn’t feel blissful all of the time, nor will any relationship. However, the majority of time spent together will be peaceful. Interactions with each other will leave each party feeling invigorated as opposed to drained.

An undercurrent of anxiety is not desirable to either individual. Though there may be stressful situations (schedules, children, relatives, job demands, etc.) both parties are committed to reinforcing their bond with minimal friction.

In conclusion, highly sacred relationships present a number of characteristics. These qualities can be seen in all types of relationships, but meet specific challenges in the romantic realm. Some unions will last a lifetime and others are brief. The one thing all have in common is that they provide some of the most transformative interactions you can experience.

Source: “5 Signs You’re In A Highly Sacred Relationship,” from mindbodygreen.com, by F. Emelia Sam

Photo CreditShutterstock.com

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