One Drop of Ink

It is possible to move men, through God, by prayer alone. ~ Hudson Taylor

It was a cold winter evening as we got into the car. I could not help but wonder why I was feeling the need to pray for Lisa at this moment. I prayed every night for Lisa as well as her brother and sister, but why now, in this moment? We were headed back home and Lisa was in the car with her uncle in front of us, her brother and sister were with me. She waved to us as we left the parking lot following them home from an evening out in the city. Everything seemed fine and yet there was this eager feeling to pray, pray NOW for Lisa. I was bewildered yet paused for a moment in my mind and took a deep breath, “Please Lord, watch over Lisa, send your angels to protect her from harm’s way.” Shortly thereafter I saw a semi’s lights coming toward the car that Lisa was a passenger in. I gasp a sigh as the trailer of the truck swayed back and forth in the lanes ahead.  Quickly I prayed again,” Please Lord, protect Lisa in these moments, remove her from harm’s way.” The car that Lisa and her Uncle were in slowed and pulled to the side of the road, the swaying semi passed them and they were safe. Just then I noticed another car, the trailer of the truck crashed into it smashing the back end of the vehicle.  We pulled over, the semi managed to stop as well. All of us running to the passengers in the car that had been hit.  Everyone was safe luckily but the back of the car was crunched up to the front seats. As the driver of the car got out shakily with his wife and daughter he was shocked at the damage. I asked if they were ok and he said, ‘Yes. Luckily we stopped a few miles back though or it would not be so.” I inquired what he meant. “A few miles back we pulled over and swapped the present we had been out buying this evening into the back seat so our daughter could sit up front with us. If we had not done this she would not be here anymore.” Looking at the car again, the Christmas presents in the back seat were destroyed as they pressed against the back of the front seats of the car, if she had been back there she would not have survived most likely. I looked at the young girl and asked, “What’s your name?” She smiled at me and said, “Lisa.”

This story is adapted from one I read in Guidepost Magazine while in Chicago on my stay.  A miraculous true tail from a woman about listening to spirit and praying with faith. Now you may be wondering why a tantrika is writing about praying and faith and what do they have in common with tantric practices or what I teach. Prayer is one of the most powerful forces we have. It is a direct link to the Divine and it should NEVER be taken lightly. Moments as the above show us that we all have power to manifest a better life scenario for ourselves and for those around us. It is in the power of our thinking that we create our world and to believe that our thoughts do not affect others is sheer foolishness.  May they be positive (as above) or negative our thoughts go forth into the world and make time and space non relevant. If we are sending out thoughts of hatred, jealousy, judgment, or something else on this line then what we are doing is throwing a large poisonous boulder into the stream of life. The ripples caused by this one forceful thought will expand out and back. You can look at it like a rubber band being pulled on from one point, as the rubber band expands out it touches a great deal of space before it releases and comes back to where it started. But it does not just come back to where it started; it forms a powerful energetic whiplash effect as it crashes back into the starting zone. Often this whiplash is felt energetically long before the rubber band ever is released. This subtle vibration is known as Spanda. When relating Spanda back to our thoughts and feeling a vibration with them you could say that this is your subconscious, the angel on your shoulder that is arguing with the devil on the other shoulder. In other words, it’s that soft voice that tells you that these thoughts are not aligned with your higher self or the universe and that by sending out these thoughts consciously or unconsciously you will experience a whiplash (negative effects, karma).  As will those that you are throwing these stones at.

How is it possible that others can be affected by our negative thoughts? The universe does not pay attention to what we want or what we don’t want, what the universe hears is what we attach the most emotion too. When we have great rage toward someone, our mental, physical and emotional bodies feel it. Our Spirit sits by and tries to guide our reactions away from anger and suffering motives and toward love and light. But often we find ourselves thriving on the short circuit of energy that is caused through the lower grade ego based emotions. After all it is how we have been programmed since we were small children. Because we are all energy vibrations, when we experience great love or hatred, sadness or exhilaration our bio-energetic fields expand out and dance with others. When we become extremely fixated (attached emotionally) to something, most likely a thought that is linked to this emotion, we feed it with more emotion.  Making our vibrational wave even grater and stronger in effect.

“Our thoughts do not come from the brain, just as music does not originate in the circuits of a physical radio. The brain is like an antenna – it picks up a signal and rebroadcasts it into the conscious mind. If we could distinguish thoughts that come from the Light from those that come from the Shadow 9the Opponent), we could reclaim control of our lives.” – The Power of Kabbalah Card Deck

If we are in a negative state of being and attached to thoughts that are supporting this state then what we are doing is acting like ink in a water glass to all those we come in contact with. What do I mean?  Take a glass of clear water then drop one tiny drop of ink into the glass. What happens to the crystal clear water? You can see the ink swirling around in the water; it slowly merges with all the water molecules, causing the once clear water to be tainted. Our energy field can taint or heighted the energy of others around us, and just as with the glass of water, the drop started at the top of the glass but did finally make it to the bottom and at the end penetrated each molecule. This is the same with our thoughts. When we are harsh on another in our thinking we send out darkness. We cloud ourselves instead of bringing light to a situation.  When we stop and pause, listen to our Spirit, to the soft voice of angels, God, our higher self or whatever name you want o put here we come from love and acceptance that everything is as is intended to be. This does not mean that having upset feeling is wrong by any means. Allowing yourself to feel all emotion is healthy and part of our human existence as well as a major part of healing, however attachment to these emotions for long periods of time is destructive.  The beauty of this is that once we understand how powerful our thoughts truly are, we can stop manifesting chaos and suffering and instead manifest a beautiful world. Just as the woman in the story above chose to listen to angelic assistance, the voice of spirit to help assist another so should each of us take a conscious moment in each day to look outward and pray in a positive manifestation for all beings.

Through meditation and prayer we are given the chance to remember and accept who and what we REALLY are! Pray or meditate TODAY to discover your reality and assist in the birthing of The Shift on this planet.

Freedom is the release of control…(Response to Serenade of the Boogie Monster)

Freedom is the release of control…

I thought this was a beautiful add on to my tale Serenade of the Boogie Monster. This allows all to see both sides of the story as well as the transformational aspects that occurred and are still in process. As with everything in life the path to enlightenment and expansion is never ending. Each step we reveal new aspects of our self and we see those in our lives through our new eyes. Our lessons are put before us so that we may expand personally but also so that we may openly share and have empathy for our brothers and sisters. It has always been through story that we learn.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” 
― Steve MaraboliLife, the Truth, and Being Free

I as the husband in this story would like to share my side and also take the opportunity to explain what I have learned. Perhaps in doing so some of the regret I have will wash away. I am still doing the work of discovering my particular issues referred to in Kabbalah as Tekkun. I have had a sense of not being good enough, not worthy, a very common human trait. Kendal had a very special spiritual/sexual love connection with her first lover. They where to run away together and he disappeared and left her devastated. She quickly turned to me wounded. For me it was as if God had handed me an Angel. The life partner I had been dreaming about. I could not believe she had chosen to love me and I felt like I could rope the moon. Neither of us understood at the time how much of a needs based relationship it was. The problem is anytime we are getting our needs met by someone else, if they stop filling them there is a feeling of loss. We humans when we feel loss strive to get it back, to get that need filled. This is where control comes in, what once was free we need to take. We take through manipulation, guilt, fear and sometimes physical abuse. Looking back this happened very early on in our 18 marriage and it is still happening today as my desire to be close to her causes her to feel controlled. Back to the story. My needs and insecurities increased by the fact that I compared myself to her first lover. He was taller, had a bigger penis, a better connection energetically then we ever had. I tried to make up for it through performance, to fix it. I would get her to love  me more by making more money, taking romantic trips, fucking her harder and deeper and lasting longer. None of this worked of course. I would fantasize about our friend having sex with her, the two of us having sex with her. His penis was bigger so maybe he could please her and I wanted her to be pleased yet this surfaced all my insecurities. I could see and feel the energy she had with him. I needed to be the one to please her. My need would not be met, or would it? She was not open enough to talk about it and it would have brought my negative ego control issues to the surface like an atomic bomb, so she lied. I knew she was lying.

“Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.” 
―Terence Mckenna

 

An absolute energetic relationship death. We continued on in this dead end disaster for 13 more years before her soul had had enough and she did what she had to do to heal herself and turned to Tantra, Kabbalah, her soul guide, and other men in a desperate attempt for freedom. I am sharing this in hopes that someone reading might be helped and get understanding. I want everyone to know how proud I am of her and how thankful I am that she had/has the courage to strive for soul integrity. She is and always will be my spiritual teacher. We can’t go back in time yet as I work on my healing I reflect on how different it could have been had I the courage 13 years ago to do the work on myself. To open up to Tantra as a spiritual path and also to polyamory. Looking back the only thing wrong with my fantasies is that I wasn’t emotionally or spiritually strong enough to handle it. It’s a matter of consciousness. I look around at relationships and can see and feel the pain these control issues are causing. I am looking forward to having many lovers as I continue to heal and grow my consciousness. I hope one day to be lovers with Kendal again knowing all the negativity that would have to be released because I would not want her to live out of soul integrity to fill my needs. I can desire her love open and free but I can not need it. Currently I still feel loss, needs unmet. There is much work to be done so here is my shout out to the world, stop the insanity. Do the hard work. It’s going to be really fucking hard and your demons will surface, but the world needs you to do it. Dive in the water is cold but you get used to it and it is why we are here. To  heal, love openly, grow, expand love, expand ourselves.

Namaste’