TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

Today is a really interesting day for me.
It marks my one year of one of the most traumatic events I have had happen in a relationship so far. It also marks my one year of a massive transformation period, new growth and opportunity blended with trauma and needed healing.

Today I sit here at Starbucks after dropping my youngest son off to his father ( the man I fell out of relationship a year ago today).
It was brutal to drop him off today.
My heart actually still hurts from this mornings exchange.

Our son age four, ran to the back seat of my car as we pulled into daddy’s driveway and he screamed, “I don’t want to go to daddy’s house.” he got so frustrated, clung to the rear seat with all the force his little body could muster and screamed, “No Mommy.”

I grabbed him up, hugged him. Told him that I loved him and that I would see him later today and then he would be back at mommy’s house on Wednesday. He clung to my neck and fought profusely to hold on to me as his father took him out of my arms.

I never wanted any of this for my baby.
I don’t believe that any of us parents ever want this sort of emotional pain on our children. I don’t believe that my ex desires this trauma to come up on our son either.
And yet it still falls here.

Today, I find myself sitting here upset at my son’s pain.
Wishing I could do more for him.
Wishing that us adults who have brought this on him could have communicated better about what we wanted from each other and how we wanted out of our relationship before it came to violence as it did and a nasty, terrorizing breakup that will last a life time for our children emotionally not to mention the physical repercussions that are still being dealt with for myself.

I sit here still wondering how I could not have realized more so as to where my ex was at.
Wondering why he had to act out in violence and rage the way he did one year ago today.
Why it was so important for him to push me and all the children away with such extreme measures.
Why could he just not simply say that he wanted out and we move onto separate paths in peace and harmony, working together for the greatest good of all the children and each other.

I knew he was unhappy in our relationship.
I knew he wanted out.
He did not even desire to want to spend 30 minutes a week with me alone even though this had become a consistent request and desire of mine. He could not stomach to sit by me and watch TV, he wanted nothing to do with cuddling or sex that was two sided, only wanted to get off and be done. Would roll away in disgust after pushing me away like trash after he had reached climax.
He became rageful with friends and emotionally and physically aggressive toward his step-children. He was hateful and I told myself that he was stressed about work, money, health, anything but the truth was what I proclaimed.

The signs were there.
They were in front of my blind eyes and desire to make it all work for us.
The more committed I became to our relationship and requested time and connection,
the more he pushed away in anger.

And now,
a year later I see the truth.
I see his pattern that he had to enforce.
I see the pain that he must be in.
And I am grateful that even though that was a brutal time and experience,
even though there is still much healing that needs done for self and children.

I am grateful that I never lost who I was,
I never lost love,
I never lost my family or friends,
and I can do the healing and I understand at a deep level the power of emotions,
the importance of knowing self and NOT hiding from myself and feelings.
I am grateful that I was given a powerful opportunity last year to stand up and be 100% me.
The last year has offered me so many blessings that would have never come about had he not caved to his patterns and needs to push love away, to push so hard that he was the one to be abandoned in the experience by everyone. To repeat the trauma from his youth. And to create an experience that supported his belief that the feminine always leaves him.

I see now how he had to push that hard.
I am too stubborn to leave when I still love.
I believed it could be fixed,
I believed that he was not lying when he said that he loved me more than anyone else.
I strangely believed in us and in him.

But today,
today I stand in gratitude for the 7 years of learning,
of experience and growth,
for the birth of my two youngest angels that i would not trade for anything.

Today I stand here in gratitude for his push.
Busted up body and everything,
it was worth it.
Because I found my true strength.
I found my heart.
My SOUL.
And tapped into allowing myself, to be me without needing another.
There is great beauty in the darkest of clouds if you allow yourself to see it and you allow time to step you back far enough to see the whole sky and it’s beauty.

Life is one BIG TRUST EXERCISE.
And today,
I am reminded of the trust and faith that I had to muster up at one of my lowest, scariest points in life so far.
Today, I choose to focus on that reminder.
To focus on the gratitude and the opportunities that have come from this event, like any event in our lives.
Today I choose to look at my blessed life.
The steady massive love that I experience from family, friends and the wonderful man I have in my life currently.
The AMAZING tribe that I have developed and all the growth that I am seeing in my business and life.
The wealth of connection, joy and the laughter that resides in my home daily that was not there a year ago or before.
My creativity at an all time high.
The beauty and bounty that is in each step on this journey.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to the man that tossed me to the side last year, who tried to destroy me and all that we had built together.
From that rubble grew a rose garden.

MY ROSE GARDEN.

Thank you for my pain.
Thank you for my suffering.
Thank you for the trauma.
Thank you for the goodbye.
I am so effing happy with my life TODAY!

My question to you that I share this with today is,
what are you doing with your trauma, drama and pain? Does it hold you back or build you up?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.

I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.

But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.

Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.

Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.

What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?

You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

This Is What Men Have Taught Me About Money, Abundance, Goals and Happiness.

This Is What Men Have Taught Me About Money, Abundance, Goals and Happiness.

Years ago, I was married.
I was married at age 18.
I had five children.
Struggled, lost homes, was burred under debt, my health suffered, my marriage suffered, my sex was nothing but duty. I hated my life! I was focused on the NOT having and I was buying into the concept of this is just how it was. This was normal and I had to just suck it up.

My husband then was in financial services, he worked for Primerica which was part of Travelers Group, originally Art Williams created the company back in the 1970’s and it was known as A.L. Williams Life Insurance Group. It was about term insurance and investments.

I met my husband in the company as I was working on my licenses to become a representative to sell for them and was interested in the structure of the system.

Well, fast forward past all that and the wedding and the child birth stuff and you found us BROKE. Chasing our dreams of becoming financially free. Our goal back then was to become Vice Presidents of the company and make a six figure income. Get the ring to show how great we were and the rewards of trips and such.

And so we listened to ALL the motivational stuff.
We went to the seminars.
We made the cold calls and followed the sales scripts.
We worked, worked , worked.
And occasionally made some sales.
Some would charge back, which put us in debt with the company and had to be taken out of future commissions.
some would stick.

For years we chased the DREAM.
For years we struggled.
We comforted ourselves with the concept that we were building a beautiful tale of overcoming the feats and obstacles but in the end succeeded.
We imagined walking on the stage and telling the story.
OUR STORY.

And we struggled.
Living on what averaged out to be $17,000 a year.
Raising children, scrimping buy.
Food Stamps, Evictions, State insurance, borrowing whatever we could from family to make ends meet and even sleeping on families couches when things got REALLY bad.

But we kept chasing that dream.

Until one day, I could not chase it anymore.
I was burned out. I hated my life.
I wanted it all to end.
And I spent the next two years of my life in the middle of deep dark depression, that still today I wonder how I made it through alive. I acted out, I drank too much alcohol. We fought like wild raging animals.

It was toxic.
It was unhealthy for everyone.
And it had to come to an end.

Fast forward.
I decided I was done.
I decided that I wanted a divorce.
I decided that we had too much water under our bridge.
And I chose to burn the bridge.

I decided that if it was up to me, it was going to be my freedom, my way, my flow, my self-discovery, my healing.

And so it was.

I had to let go of all the old ways though.
And I did, for the most part.
I dug in and started to do the inner work.
I decided that I was the most important person in the room.
In my life.
That if I wanted to be an AMAZING mom, I needed to feed my SOUL.

I reinvented myself.

So I started my practice,
it was nothing like it is today,
but it was my foundation grounds.
My learning grounds.
My healing grounds.
And with my practice came a desire to date and explore the masculine because I had never done that before.
I only had explored three men intimately up to this point and I knew I had a bunch of shame, guilt, self-image and fear wrapped around this area of life.

I was not overly caught up on dating.
It was just a desire that I had and if it came along,
then it came along.
I created some doorways for opportunities to happen and I did not really apply my focus there too much. I just knew what I wanted and let it be.
Something about dating and men felt easy to me.
Even with my fear.
I had a fascination, a curiosity that overcame the fear.
Men and dating felt playful to me.
It was a game,
new ground to explore.
An adventure.
My ONLY expectation was to enjoy it and learn.

And so I decided in that moment that I would NEVER chase men. There was no need. Because I wanted it to just be FUN.

And so it was.

As with men, I quickly discovered that money, abundance, goals and happiness were no different.

If I chased them.
They ran from me.

If I turned them into a fun game,
an adventure and let my curiosity run free,
then they flowed.

My advice to you today BABY is simple.

Stop chasing everything!

Wonder why it is running from you?
Well it’s not rocket science BABY.
It is running from you because you are chasing it.

I know that you have been told to chase your dreams.
I know that you have been told to make your goals happen.
I know that you have heard that there is no gain without the pain.

Yeah I understand.
I lived that way for so many years.
I still have those nasty lies pop up in my mind today and try and take me down.
Try and steal my joy.

But today I see them for the wolves they are.
And I know what to do to get back into my FLOW.

That is the power of doing the inner work.
That is the purpose of having a mentor.
That is why we who crave the f-ck yes lifestyle that is so much more than money,
its all about FREEDOM and HAPPINESS.

It’s about SOUL.

Yes we know the power of saying YES to ourselves and taking the ACTION to do the things that must be done.

Those things are internal 80% of the time.
Those things are the things that we AVOID.
We hide from.

But as long as you keep choosing to chase your dreams the old fashioned way, you will remain the predator to that, that you so desire and it will keep running from you.

Sure you can succeed this way.
You can keep chasing.
You can capture your dreams and goals and MAKE THEM HAPPEN.

But at what cost?

How much of YOU will be left?
And will you be truly happy, fulfilled and healthy?

There is an easier way BABY.
It’s called Ease and Flow.
It’s called SOUL Guidance.
But first you must learn to listen.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

It’s my specialty beautiful!
It’s my purpose work.
My calling and my passion.
When I chose all those years ago to step into who I was and step into my ease and flow,
I chose to live a life of service and help YOU find your ease and flow.

But to do that you have to want it.
You have to be ready to get ready to RECEIVE it.
And that mean creating doorways for it to come through and releasing you from the predatory chains of your current beliefs and habits.

You can keep doing what you are doing.
Or you can grab a consult with me and make a different choice.
You can reinvent YOURSELF.
Which is actually just unveiling YOURSELF.

Claim Your Life Today.

Free Consults ( phone, facebook video or 1:1 in person) till May 22, 2019 

 

You Must Change Up Your Vibe Tribe.

Am I vibing with you?

I sure hope I am.

Or maybe I hope I am not.


It really depends on where you are vibing at.And I say this, because we often do not pay attention to our vibe, let alone other people’s vibe.
But I can tell you this. VIBE is where it is at baby!
If you want to have that F-ck Yes Life, If you want to call in THE ONE, If you want to have blessings wash all over you, then you better be vibing in the same frequency as them. The things we desire the most are often high hanging fruit, and this high hanging fruit will not come down to us.

And if it does…..
Then it has lowered its VIBE.And you most likely won’t want it so much anymore.
This happens in relationship all the time.
We humans have the power to increase or decrease our vibe in no time flat.
It all stems from the thoughts we are thinking, the emotions we are feeling, and thus the actions we are taking.
High vibing people, you know the one’s…

You may even be one of the one’s.
And I hope that you are luv.But either way, you may want to know how to determine if someone is high vibe or low vibe.
RIGHT?


High Vibe peep’s are radiant,

they are turned on to life,

they are self-motivated,

they do not mask life or the experiences that life offers them.

They are not living in a victim mentality.

They are proactive.

They love forward movement,

They value alone time.

They know that more is always possible.

They see the interconnectedness of things.

They are grateful.

They are grounded.

They bounce out of negative thinking quickly.

They smile – A LOT!

They are easy to be around.

They have healthy, strong boundaries.

They don’t give a sh*t what you think of them.

They are abundant.

Blessings flow to them with ease.

They are not needy, but they do desire much.

They are in integrity with self.


High VIBE is where it is at baby!

Living a high VIBE life is what you were born to do.


It is where you will discover everything that you want the most.
And you can get there.This you can.
But you are not going to get there, if you are still trying to get your needs met by everyone else who is low vibing it.
You won’t get there if you are caught in worry, or anxiety and fear.
You won’t get there if you are giving to many f-cks about everyone else’s opinions and judgements.


You won’t get there if you insist on hanging with low vibing friends, family and lovers.
And this can cause some mighty BIG issues in life, the main one being that you MUST realize that many of the people you have in your life RIGHT NOW,
won’t follow you up in VIBE.


And you will loose these people in some fashion.

So that alone may stop you.

You may not want to loose this person, or that one.

You may say it’s not worth it.

You may think I am wrong and try and drag their sweet ass along.

And you can for a bit, although the dragging of dead weight will certainly drain you at some point,

and then you will either drop them, or surrender to creeping back down into lower vibe, where life was…..


well….


BLAH.

And difficult.

Where you were not happy.

And you may say that it is worth it.

As long as you can keep these peep’s in your life, then it is worth it to be low VIBE.
And that is fine.

That is your choice.

And you will make this choice many, many multiple times throughout your life.
Just know though, that if you want to have that F-ck Yes! Lifestyle, you want abundance, deep love, and happiness.

That you will have to make changes in whom you choose to hang around.
Because the saying is so true,

“You become like those you hang around.”


So if you look at your top five people in your life, how are they VIBING?


And if we look just at the income of these five…how abundant are they?

You want to know where you are headed in the next 12 months.You will be about 50-70% of the median of these five in total.
Is that satisfactory to you?Then great.
carry on.
If not.

Time to change your VIBE TRIBE.


We all have to level up our relationships as we grow, some come back around as they grow with us in vibe, some we revisit and feel the constriction in our bodies.

While others are lost forever.
And still others Climb beside us.


What does your VIBE TRIBE say about you?


As always, Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me HERE

Don’t Sacrifice Your Life for Anything.

Change vs. Embrace
This is the statement of today that speaks so loud to me.
 
It carries with it the reality of how f-cking crazy we humans can be.
 
And none of us can escape the crazy.
These sort of thoughts based in fear of loss,
are among the worst.
They prevent us from truly living up to our full potential.
 
We fear change.
We fear embracing who we really are.
It feels like we have to give something up in order to become ourselves.
 
But that is silly.
It is all about expansion,
not about reduction.
 
Change does not mean that we have to sacrifice anything.
It means that we will make different judgments,
different choices then what we would under an old way of being. That is all.
 
Same with embodiment of self.
Once we start to embody ourselves,
we start to embrace all that we could be,
could have, ‘could do.
and we STOP accepting less for our lives.
 
This is only scary because we typically do not feel worthy of claiming this level of greatness into our lives.
 
The lack of worthiness causes us to doubt.
Tells us that we will loose.
tells us that things can not continue to be this great,
that there is a price that must be paid.
 
And so we move into stagnation.
We pause.
And we pause some more.
Until the pause causes us to embrace the pause,
and then we fear movement even more.
 
We look out at our world and we see evidence that standing in our truth will cause relationships to break,
will cause careers to fail or change, will cause discomfort in life. And we fear the pain.
 
What we forget it that all birth,
no matter what the birth is based on,
will come with pain.
The pain of discovery.
The pain of consciousness.
The pain of feeling who we are and how much we have been denying who we are.
Hiding from ourselves.
Hiding from our desires.
 
Change vs. Embrace
 
They are the same and yet not.
When we focus in on change, we lean into the belief that there is something about us that is not good enough and it needs to change.
 
When we focus in on embracing who we are, we often lean into the belief that we are too much and the world cannot handle us, therefore we will loose.
 
Either way, we are scared of loosing.
 
And at the end of the day,
you know what will happen when you keep denying your truth?
 
Do you?
Think about it.
 
If you look into dis-ease you will discover pretty quickly that all dis-ease is just that, a dis-ease in the body which stems from something (emotional/ psychological) that we are masking, hiding from and not wanting to give the time of day to.
 
Why are we hiding from these things?
Because they carry pain.
It may mask itself as anger, frustration, anxiety or depression, but they are all some pain that is stored up.
 
And one of the biggest pains we carry with us,
is the pain of not stepping into who we are meant to be,
who we want to be, or showing up in life the way we know we should.
 
The pain of potentially,
okay let’s be real here,
most likely,
 
Going to die without living out our mission.
Our purpose,
with our music still in us.
 
And the true sad thing is…
that by hiding from our truth,
ignoring out of fear of loss our beauty,
our power,
our music,
we end us killing ourselves.
 
Yet we will proclaim proudly,
that we are willing to sacrifice our lives in order to keep all that we fear loosing NEVER realizing that if we loose our lives that we will as well loose all that we are trying to not loose in the first place by denying our truth.
 
Silly yes.
But so f-cking true.
 
 
Just look at your life.
Look at your best friend.
Your sister.
Your uncle.
or anyone.
 
We are all guilty of this sin.
We all consistently say no to our truth out of fear,
and we all reap the rewards of the physical and emotional pain that it brings with it.
 
The key to stepping into who you are.
To EMBRACING Yourself and living unappologetically as the beautiful, powerful you that God intended,
is SIMPLE as F-ck!
 
Just Do it!
Grow a f-cking pair,
and put one foot in front of the other.
Take action, by leaning into the now.
Into what your heart says.
And say YES.
Say YES to yourself.
 
Because you are worth it.
You can have it.
And God wants you to be powerful,
bright and beautiful,
abundant and over flowing with blessings.
 
Claim your life.
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
www.kendalwilliams.com
 
Join me November 18-21st for my 3 day intensive online workshop.
Ass In The Sand – Facebook Live Workshop for Entrepreneurs Who Want It All
If you are an entrepreneur and you want to know how to take your biz from zero to $100k quickly, for real – then this intensive class is for you.
Pre-registration coming out this next week.
Look for it or message me to get on the pre-launch list.

Bounce the F-ck Out of That.

Bounce the f-ck out of that negativity….

Bounce the f-ck away from those negative peep’s…

Bounce the f-ck out of that negative loop of assuming that someone is doing something to you…

Bounce the f-ck away from ANYTHING that does not feel good over the long haul in your life.

Now I know,
and I am reminded often,
that many feel that they cannot do this.

They have to stay put in the enviroment that they are in.
They have to.

Because, you see it is the responsible thing to do.

Are you this person who believes that you are captured in the the job,
the relationship,
the house,
the financial situation,
the sexless life,
or the just getting by and existing?

Is this your reality?
Are you lacking turn on for life?
YOUR LIFE?

I fully understand.
About a decade ago, I felt this way in all the above areas and more. I felt completely lost in my life.

I hated where I was living,
I had hardly any close relationships outside of my immediate family ( my husband and children).
I hated my body.
I hated my financial picture. ( If you can call it a picture, it was more like a nightmare)
I had no purpose,
no passion.
No orgasm in the bedroom or outside of it.

I was scared shitless every day that I woke up and I had no hope of getting out of the situation.
I sunk into the deepest depression of my life,
not wanting to wake to even care for my five children any longer.
I weeped constantly,
drank far to much,
blended codeine with booze just to escape my world.

Sleep seemed like the best option on most days,
but I never had the time for it.

I felt trapped with no way to escape and the well I was in just kept getting deeper.

Yeppers that was a decade ago.
Just a little over.
12 years to be exact.

People would tell me to be grateful.
People would tell me that in order to be responsible and a good parent,
a good person even,
that one had to compromise of themselves.
Do whatever it takes.

The man I think of like a father,
told me one day on my front porch in one of my deepest moments, “When you chose to have kids, you decided right then to stop doing what you want. You can’t have what you want when you have kids. You gotta be responsible and put them first.”

I wanted to puke when he said this.
I agree,
that family,
our children for sure come first.
You don’t go out and drink, party and do silly shit when you have kids.
You think about your responsibilities,
and you make them a priority.
You pay your f-cking bills,
you take care of your family.

But do you have to compromise all of yourself?
All of your life?
All of your desires?
All of your joy?

NO the F-CK you DO NOT!

But you know what you MUST do?
That is,
IF you proclaim that you want that F-ck YES Life.
IF you claim that you want to have it all.
And keep it real.
God.
Family.
Business.
Everything Else.

Well you must BOUNCE the f-ck away from those negative things.

And here is the gig,
most of those negative things are right between your two ears.

It’s the thoughts your thinking.
And it’s the peep’s your hanging with.
Look at the vibe that you are living in.

You can easily tell where you are vibing at by what is showing up in your world.

And you can tell how you are vibing,
by the way that you FEEL.

Yes,
I just said that.

THE WAY THAT YOU FEEL.

12 years ago,
I felt like shit.
I thought negative thoughts.
I got support of those thoughts from the people in my life.
I looked only at the negative in my life,
and it just kept multipling.

I did not do the mindset exercises daily that I do today.
I did not work my ass off internally to create the internal enviroment that would give me the external enviroment that I wanted.

And when I did apply myself there,
I did not believe it.

Because I had practiced too many negative thoughts and my beliefs came from them.

SO I had to DECIDE.
I had to really get serious with the most important person in my life.

And that was not my children.
It was not my husband.
It was not any family or friend.
It was not my bank account.
Or any one I owed money too.

It was not even God.

It was ME.

I had to have a pow-wow with ME.
And DECIDE what I wanted.
And what it would feel like to have that.
I had to start acting from a place of already having it.

I had to start with creating more of the thoughts I would have if I was already where I wanted to be, then what I was comfortable thinking in my current situation.

I had to put myself into situations that felt weird.
Uncomfortable.

I had to brainwash myself into believing something different.

And that meant…

I had to…

Bounce the f-ck out of that negativity….

Bounce the f-ck away from those negative peep’s…

Bounce the f-ck out of that negative loop of assuming that someone is doing something to you…

Bounce the f-ck away from ANYTHING that does not feel good over the long haul in your life.

SO what did I have to compromise to have the F-ck Yes Life of today?

EVERYTHING.

Everything that I was comfortable with.
Because it was not in alignment to what I claimed I wanted.

So,
there you have it folks.

You want it.
But are you willing to have it?

It’s always your choice.
You manifest your life.

What do you choose to think about?
Feel like?
Focus on?
or who are you hanging with?

These are the things that lead you to one door or another.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me November 18-21st for my 3 day intensive online workshop.
Ass In The Sand – Facebook Live Workshop for Entrepreneurs Who Want It All
If you are an entrepreneur and you want to know how to take your biz from zero to $100k quickly, for real – then this intensive class is for you.
Pre-registration coming out this next week.
Look for it or message me to get on the pre-launch list.

Crazy F-cking Gratitude + One Wild Ride.

I am so f-cking grateful.

Are You ⁉️⁉️

I sure the f-ck am.
Today I was driving home from the furniture store where I was buying a new couch for my front room plus bedroom furniture for my munchkins jungle themed room that if I can swing will look like a mini Rainforest Cafe,

And as I was driving I found myself in total gratitude for so many things.

I also found myself laughing out loud,
alone in my car,
over how crazy my year has been.

I mean really f-cking crazy.

Anyone who has been following me know’s the tales of this year but if you are new to the story line,
LET ME CATCH YOU UP…..

Started the year tripling my income after coming out of 2017 with massive emotional stress of figuring out how best to support my aging mom with dementia and all that comes with that.

Then entered the month of love (February) with my heart getting crushed from a man I never thought could ever take me to the low’s that he did in saying good bye abruptly.

Turned around and got my heart and body crushed by my other main man ( as you may have figured out, I am a polyamorous sorta girl on some days or years, and these two gents were my two leading men).

Had a pushed move into a new home, which I manifested in less than three days.

Found myself in a new neighborhood.
New home.
72 hours after a shocking experience.

Then had to deal with a summer of custody issues,
legal battles.

And had to buy a new car.
Furnish a home.
Heal my body.
Stay afloat.
And keep on coaching my beloved clients.

In the process of all of this,
my three eldest children ( age 23, 21 and 19) who were living in Maui moved home and needed to stay with me.

My eldest daughter conceived her first baby while in Maui,
So through all of this,
walking my baby girl through pregnancy as well.

Friendships have been tested.
Intimate relationships have been tested,
some new ones have been birthed,
some old one’s have been reignited in different ways.

And at the end of this day,
I find myself sitting here at my new breakfast nook table,
with my house under construction,
furniture being delivered tomorrow,
my baby boys coming home to me tomorrow,
my house not upside down,
but merging with the energy that I want.

I find my romantic life,
not healed or longing for what was,
but ignited to what can be.
And excited about the souls that have entered my world.

I find myself looking at my family,
as it shrinks in one way,
and expands in another.
Some children move out,
some are here,
some come and go according to a schedule that just is right and best for them and the situation,
while a grand baby ( a baby boy 😊) grows in my daughters womb.

I look at my business,
in its ebbs and flows of this year,
that impress and scare me.
Not because of a low,
but because the low is far higher than my high of last year. 🔥🔥🔥

I look at my life.
I look at my life.
Awe..
Yes in awe.

And my eye’s tear up.
I still feel all of the pain,
all of the trauma.

There is still much to heal.
Much to let go of.

And I SMILE.
In gratitude.
I sit here.

Knowing how f-cking blessed I am.
In gratitude I sit here.
Because sometimes the path to something better,
is painful beyond measure.

Sometimes the path to what we truly desire,
Is birthed on a road of loss and turbulence.

Sometimes the things that will bring us fully into who we are meant to be,
only come about because we had to grow ourselves through the storm that we were lost in.

Sometimes,
Yes, sometimes….

(and so it is in life, that the sometimes is actually most of the time.)

But you know what makes it all better?
You know what can set one out from the crowd?
You know what keeps you in alignment to all that you want,
all that you desire,
all that you know is on the other side?

GRATITUDE.

#1 KEY SECRET to manifesting miracles.
Living a happy life.
Being turned on.
And having it all, even in the storm.

IS GRATITUDE.

I had gratitude the morning I looked in the bank and my account had $32k in it – OVER NIGHT.

I had the same gratitude when the man I was deeply in love with said his goodbyes.

I had the same gratitude when my partner physically assaulted me.

I had gratitude when I paid the attorney.
I had gratitude when an old lover said he wanted to see a smile on my face.
I had gratitude when a new lover shared his heart with me.
I had gratitude when a dear friend told me I am the reason he is alive.
I had gratitude when my friend screamed in her pain at me.
I had gratitude when my daughter told me I was going to be a grandma.
And I had gratitude as I crumbled under the stress.
As I looked in my kindergartner’s eye’s as he screamed how he hated me, when I told him he had to change schools.

And so many more moments over this year.

GRATITUDE.
I am f-cking grateful.

Are you?

I encourage you to take a moment RIGHT NOW,
write down 20 things that you are grateful for.

Read them 3x.
and then repeat this process every morning and every night for 30 days.

See what manifests in your life.
See how you feel about your life.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me November 18-21st for my 3 day intensive online workshop.
Ass In The Sand – Facebook Live Workshop for Entrepreneurs Who Want It All
If you are an entrepreneur and you want to know how to take your biz from zero to $100k quickly, for real – then this intensive class is for you.
Pre-registration coming out this next week.
Look for it or message me to get on the pre-launch list.

What’s Your Norm?

It’s f-cking AMAZING to be able to say that you live life the way you want to.
 
It’s f-cking AMAZING to be able to look into someone’s eye’s and just drop down into your body and show up however you may feel, without any fear of being accepted or not.
 
It’s f-cking AMAZING to embrace your gift’s and talents and experience God/Universe supporting you in your commitment to soul alignment.
 
It’s f-cking AMAZING to wake up and to feel proud of yourself for the decisions that you have made and for the results that life is giving you because of them.
 
This is my life.
Can you say the same of your’s?
 
Do you live like this?
How would you describe your life?
( feel free to share a few statements in the comments on your life.)
 
Are you a .01%er person who COMMANDS in your life experience and blessing or do you just settle in and let life wash over you however it feels?
 
Do you look for opportunities to grow, expand and heal or do you surrender yourself to blame, guild, shame and regret?
 
What is your norm?
What are you accepting for this moment in your life?
What do you feel you would like to call into your life that you currently do not have?
What do you need to say good bye to to have this?
 
These are the soul questions that you MUST ask and ANSWER of yourself to achieve the results that you want.
Without asking these questions,
you will never fully know:
who you are
what to do
what you want.
 
Many times in life we choose to walk away from ourselves,
we do so with good reason,
but at the end of the day,
we will find ourselves facing death with regret, sadness and bitterness.
There is no one to blame either.
That is no one but the person who looks back at us in the mirror.
 
In life we get more caught up on what someone else thinks or their perspectives of us then we do about what we feel and think about ourselves.
We make many a decision based not on what is actually good for ourselves,
but what we feel will make another happy.
Will keep the peace.
There are times for this reasoning for sure,
however we must always STOP and PAUSE for a moment
and ASK ourselves if we really feel good about it or if this “thing” will lead us to some of the lower vibrations above?
 
The path to manifesting the life your soul wants,
the life that you most likely feel in your gut, ‘but may believe that you cannot have for whatever reason,
is not laid with your passive boundaries,
with your reasonable compromises,
with your lack of focus, fear, doubt, jealousy or excuses.

 

NO F-CKING WAY!!!!!

 
The path that you feel in your heart and soul, in your gut,
is laid with your passion, your commitment, your boundaries, your voice, your heart, your sweat, and your love for this life. It is measured by your joy. Not your pain.
 
We all have our stories we can share about our heartaches and struggles,
we have all suffered and felt pain and anger.
These tales unfold us,
they birth us into who we are,
they are chapters in our life,
but they will ONLY define us if we allow them too.
 
Those who are the .01%.
Those who are the one’s who WILL NOT SETTLE.
Those who feel the desire and recognize it for all that it is offering,
these are the one’s,
who step forward no matter what is at stake.
Who ask the hard questions.
Who stare themselves in the eye and say ” I love you, you are worth it.”
Who understand that the worst thing that can happen in this life is to die with your music still in you.
 
These are the one’s that I call to today.
This is the tribe that I crave to venture forward with.
These are the ONE’S.
 
Will you come with me into the final quarter of of this year and into 2019 CLAIMING YOUR LIFE?
 
Or will you settle?
 
It is always your choice,
It never has been any other way than this,
you cannot finger point any longer,
if you embrace your worth,
your soul,
your darkness,
and ask these questions above?
 

It is all YOU BABY!!!!

So WTF do you want to do with this life?

 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 

Join me this month for a 5 Week Intensive On Line Workshop that will help you do just this:

 
Embrace Your Power – Claim Your Life
” Five steps to a Freedom Based Life”
 
Come rock out the end of 2018 with me NOW!!!
Get on the pre-launch list today.
Message me or post here with email.

Open and Shut – How do you cope with transformation?

Open and Shut.

The lesson of my year.
When this year got started I looked at it and just knew that it was going to be transformational.
Now I am not an overly superstitious person or one that listens strongly to “hocus pocus” sorts of things, but I do pay attention to energy and take it all in.

Born in the year of the fire dragon according to Chinese astrology, the year of the dog that we are in typically brings in relationship transformation items for me.

You can call this bogus, and I often do myself in my own head.
Questioning things as they do not line up to my logical, scientific, realist thinking and understanding, however there are times that I see that these “mystical, spiritual” sorts of things actually do shine a light on potential energy of the moment.

This all being said, the year of the dog has proven once again to be a year that is reorganizing my life in ways I never anticipated.

The last year of the dog I told my now ex-husband that I wanted a divorce.

This year both my over 6 year intimate relationships came to an end suddenly and friendships are changing right before my eye’s as well. My family is growing in number, orchestrating itself, I feel pulled away from my mother and I am questioning some relationships that are lingering.

The year of the dog is all about relationship.
Loyalty.
Family.
Brotherhood-sisterhood.

And for us dragon’s it reveals the truth in these areas.

Change is always difficult.
The feeling of loosing those who have been closest to you is never easy and is painful at a level that I do not believe I have words to express.

Yet I am reminded in these times of relationship transformation, the wisdom and comfort of Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

” To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.”

As I move through this year,
I feel my ego wanting me to shut the doorways on life,
to fully retract from things that I enjoy,
form the relationships that I do have,
or to shut down from the people that I am in a relationship transformation with.

I have observed that as these changes occur that my fellow transformation warriors often choose to shut themselves down and out.

Making what seem’s like a public display of their pain by closing the doors to what not is, but what could be.

The pain of transformation effects everyone differently,
and I am not proclaiming that there is any right or wrong way to go about it.

It is nothing more than a noticing of these times.

My way has always been about opening.
Just because a relationship is evolving,
just because new boundaries are being established,
just because truths have been spoken,
lies broken,
and hearts revealed,
that in my humble opinion does not mean that one must shut down to the relationship and close it fully out UNLESS,

Unless….
That is that the vibration between souls is so great of a difference that they cannot co-habitat in any fashion or sense.

Then a full closing must happen.
At least for a time frame.

In this case, I am reminded of the wisdom ,
“Time heals all wounds.”

I use to say this was rubbish.
But now in my 40’s I know that it is truth.

I have had my heart broken in many ways,
by those I never thought would and I have done my fair share of breaking of other’s.
This process will never end,
but what I have learned is that over the course of time,
Time will heal the woulds.

Time allows for us to move if we desire from a state of closed to a state of open.

It allows us to educate ourselves about the lessons that we practiced in these past relationships and to expand ourselves more, yet always offering a deeper realization of ourselves.

Relationship is all about us meeting ourselves at a more intimate level.

Our relationships with others reveals to us our internal relationship with ourselves and with God.

As we step forward on this path of transformation,
we find our guidance here.

The steps we are to take will be lit by blessings that will guide us and desires that will call to us.

Do we choose to open or shut to them?
The answer to this question makes all the difference on our path of understanding and healing.

We are always being offered a choice.
It is always ours to make.

What manifests in our life experience comes from these choices and the energy of opening or shutting in any given moment.

It is truly only by leaning into love,
and remaining open through the pain of the transofmration,
that we expand to our deeper self.

In loving gratitude for all those relationships through my life that have offered these lessons and I have been able to take part in. May we all move toward a deeper union with our truth.

And as always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
Message me for details….

11 Step’s to Accepting Your Best 2017

“We are Programmed to Resist Happiness and Love”

– Say What?????

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Dear Client – The Universe Really Does Have Your Back

2016 the year of the fire monkey for those of you that follow Chinese astrology or care to know this little fact. The year of the fire monkey has been focused on flipping over our boats of comfort and causing a stir of chaos in our lives so that the aspects,programs (mental frames), situations, people, careers that no longer serve our highest good can be cleared out.

You have heard me state in previous writings that this year I have seen so many people in my life and even experienced in my own life some rocky situations. A vast majority of people could say that the year has brought them what feels like more pain then joy.

All over FaceBook and other social media I see the meme’s saying “It’s FINALLY Over!” and “Be Gone, Go Fuck Yourself 2016.” – these meme’s share the irritation and struggle that has rose up for so many in this past 12 months. 2017 has meme’s stating with great anticipation, ” I declare 2017 to be an AMAZING year!”

But here is the thing that we have to remember, and we have to REALLY stay aware of this when we decide to get committed to transformation and healing.

The Universe ALWAYS has Our Back – No matter how we perceive it, the universe, God, the creator has ONLY the highest and best intentions for our lives. Unfortunately, we do not often trust this and want to control the situation. We feel that by taking things into our own hands that we can somehow guarantee the outcome that we desire. We also feel that we must pay some sort of price for having the life that we want.

These two beliefs are the reasons for us interpreting what the universe is doing as positive or negative. Often we pay more attention to the pain and suffering that we perceive is being placed in our lives and are quick to damn the universe then when perceived “good” happens and we should offer up our gratitude.

Here is the thing, good, bad or other. This view take on life does not matter. All that matters is how resistant we are and how quickly we can open up to a state of allowing. What does this really mean though?

It means we have to surrender to that which we do not fully understand. It means we have to trust our lives to the power of the universe verses our own strength based on fear of letting go.

This means that we have to open up to LOVE.

Not romantic, sexual, need based love. Not the love that we get from some outside source. The happiness we get from this sort of love is known as hedonic well-being, is happiness as the result of “consummatory self-gratification” or happiness not associated with a purpose but rather a response to a stimulus or behavior.

Much of the time our lives, emotions, fears circulate around hedonic happiness. This leads us to short lived joy. It also leads us to only moments of true connection if at best.

2016 had most of us focusing the majority of our time and energy on just this. We reacted out of fear instead of loving surrender. A Course in Miracle’s teaches, “The presence of fear is a sure sign you are trusting your own strength.” The issue with putting all our faith into our own strength and hands is that we forget that we are human and thus have only human abilities. There is no such thing as a self-created man or woman, every man or woman that has ever done something great in life, has been a game changer, a hope bearer or other has had to learn the power of vulnerability. The power of dropping down from the pedestal of ” I got this!” and has learned how to not just let go, but to truly surrender to his or her highest and best.

Our highest and greatest good and well-being comes from a core state of love without resistance.

What the heck do I mean by this you may ask? Love without resistance means that you are willing to see and change the programs, the thinking, the beliefs that you have freely taken on that most likely are not even your own but you have bought into none the less and realize that these things that feel safe, secure and like your core are nothing more than sabotaging ego that wants to hold you in a controlled state of anxiety, fear, depression, anger, and victim-hood. These same states of safety that you may believe are the ONLY path’s to success in whatever area of life that you are desiring may gain you limited success but they come with a price tag of often much more than we should be willing to pay. This being our sanity, or relationships, our self love, our joy, our pleasure, our health and sometimes even our lives.

Let me share a quick story with you; my son-in-law who is 23, fit, intelligent, good looking, successful and has a beautiful loving relationship with my daughter, recently found himself in the ER with a possible heart attack. There he was a whole day having test’s done on him, his mother panicking about loosing her baby, his love freaking out about loosing him. The doctor’s looking for what was going on and WHY? The answer was simple. He was suffering from chronic anxiety and work overload, STRESS to be a success. To NOT let anyone down, especially himself. To care and provide for the woman that he loved. To keep her safe and comfortable. He found himself striving for this hedonic happiness that left him so empty because of two things: 1) no or limited self care and 2) no purpose.

In his mind and upbringing he believes that the ONLY path is the path of self strength and control.

Truly the path that would serve him, you and me better in our lives is the path of SELF LOVE and SURRENDER.

Allow the universe to have your back. Show that you have the trust in god by opening yourself up to all the beauty, growth, clearing out of old undesired programs, habits, people, events, situations. Have the awareness through the conscious consistent decision to spend your day NOT in a state of fear but in a state of faith and if you can, push yourself to a state of certainty.

Tip’s to Show Your Faith:

Slow Down
Travel – travel provides us with more than a beautiful destination. It opens us up to spirit and consciousness. It reveals the world and teaches us about our internal landscapes.
Disconnect from Negative Outside Sources (News, media, etc.)
Self-Care – Pamper Yourself some!!!
Schedule in PLAY.
Find time to Laugh and connect with real, physical people. Clicking Like on FB does not count!!!!
Invest in yourself. (physical health, mental health, personal growth, relationship health, spiritual health.)
Start a “Plenty Left Over” fund. (Save 10% of your money in a savings fund or even in cash and resist the urge to say you need it for anything. You will be shocked at what you have at the end of the year. And you will still make it through the year.)
Discover Your Purpose if you have not already. And lean into it BIG time. This is where you will overcome hedonic happiness and replace it with eudaimonic happiness (happiness focused on the meaning of life and self purpose).
Get familiar with your EGO. – Catch that little bugger causing chaos around every corner and shine awareness on it so it has no power over you.
STOP looking for “Good and Bad” in life. – Realize that EVERYTHING that is happening is for your greatest good and pushing you toward what you said you wanted and desired.

January 28th, 2017 is the Chinese New Year. This next 12 month cycle is the year of the fire Rooster.

If 2017 follow’s it mascot of the Fire Rooster like 2016 did for the Fire Monkey then the words of wisdom for a happy, abundant New Year for all are: Consistency, Self-Investment and Beware the Ego.

2017 brings with it the energy of consistency. But we must still relax into it and allow for it to happen. Be cautious to not become rigid in the next 12 months, but instead allow for your humanness, allow for upset, be even grateful for it as it is there helping you remove the blockages in your life that do not serve you achieving your desires. Stay consistent to your desires and focus in on all that helps you to breathe into them more.

Happy Abundant New Year!

May all your desires happen and may you rest in certainty that the Universe wants ONLY Your best possible life to form.

Live Happy, Sexy and Free in 2017
-KW

The last word: He said he was leaving. She ignored him.

When Laura Munson’s husband asked for a divorce, she ducked instead of fighting. He needed to learn, she says, that his unhappiness wasn’t really about her.

couplehandholding

Let’s say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s—gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros, when you were single and skinny—have for the most part come true.

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else—a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “the End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.

But I wasn’t buying it.

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?” he said.

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?”

“How can we have a responsible distance?”

“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”

My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.

Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation,” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?

I looked through the list and passed it on to him.

His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”

I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”

“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need … ”

“Stop saying that!”

Well, he didn’t move out.

Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual 6 o’clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July—the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks—to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”

But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time, as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.

My trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”

I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.

I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.

Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.

I had good days and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say, “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.

Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying, or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not—it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much. And we were.

And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.

And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.

It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”

He was back.

And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.

When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out and think they can escape.

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.

This essay originally appeared in The New York Times. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

This post comes from Theweek.com August 13, 2009