THE NAMES MEN CALL WOMEN AND THE EFFECT THEY CAN HAVE.

SWEETIE. BABY GIRL. CUTIE. LITTLE LADY.
These are among some of my most hated terms.
When a man speaks these words to me,
they send me running energetically away from him.
Nothing is more disgusting than being referred to as a small cute child like soul when you are a grown ass woman.
It certainly is not sexy to be called these things,
unless you are among the pedofilies in the world who get off on such things.
And I guess according to laws that are being tossed around for approval right now,
pedofilia is “natural.”
So maybe I am wrong here in my views.
Maybe I just believe that sexual relationship and sexual come ons should be directed at consenting adults,
and to call a woman a girl is something belittling.
Perhaps.
Or perhaps the term “girl” “sweetie” or “baby girl” is conducive for women who are not comfortable in their sexuality, in their flesh and their stature as a woman.
Perhaps some appreciate to be called such names because they find safety in a man holding the power over them as such.
And believe me, I can understand the beauty and turn on in power play and that a woman in her feminine may appear more ditzy at times, lighthearted and playful. Almost a child like innocence to her character,
but calling a woman,
“little, cute, or girl” is certainly not words of affirmation about her powerful being, or strong sexuality, or sensualness.
Terms that relate to children in my opinion should just remain out of adult sexual play or courting.
But THAT is just me.
That is just what I am turned off too.
And the reality is that if you are turned on to it and you are a woman who loves to be be called “girl” for whatever reason,
then fucking go for it.
YOU DO YOU.
I stand firm in my opinion that there is not really anything that is abnormal or unhealthy about our sexual desires or differences.
Nothing except for when we wrap in children or animals.
Neither of these can authentically consent or have the mental/emotional capability of making a decision based on sound understanding, nor are they physically built for such acts.
But that is a whole different story,
one I could go deeply passionate about because of the shit transpiring in our world that everyone is wanting to hide and turn their attention from,
but it is so fucking real.
Anyway back to the name calling.
The thing I want to point out is a level of respect that names share.
The names that we choose to call people by telling a story of how we see that person, how we feel or think of them.
And then you have the flip side of that,
The names that we call people impact that person based on their past, and can trigger many emotions and responses.
Some can be wonderful and deep.
Some can be painful and shameful.
Some can trigger feelings of “You have no right.”
In other words,
you need to get to know the person you are calling on with such terms prior to just assuming that it is okay.
For example,
I hate being called “honey” but I allow one friend/lover to do such because it is his word with me. It has been built up over a decade of a deep friendship and intimacy and I actually feel an endearing to him when he checks in on me and says,
“honey.” But anyone else, OMFG! Just shut up and get away from me. Not okay.
I have a handful of men that I feel good about being called “babe” with, these men have a certain masculine vibe with me that it works. And they do not over use it. But when I get random messages on social media or a text from someone that is not at this level of my inner circle saying that, they get bitch-tood right back at them or ignored.
And the word “sweetie,” or “baby girl” or “cutie” — WELL THROW UP!
I don’t care who you are, it’s not working. Makes me want to grab someone by the balls and do not so nice things.
WHY?
Just because that is how I personally feel about these words.
They are fighting words to me if anything.
Many men like to call women “love” and it is a pretty general term these days,
I even catch myself saying it to people.
But not random people I have never met or do not know well enough to exchange terms of endearment with,
and I always make sure that the feelings are mutual and I am not crossing any lines.
But again,
many men tend to think it okay to approach out the gates with this comment,
believing that women will be captivated and I guess drop to their knees and say, “OMG where have you been all my life, I feel so much love coming from you, I just can’t control myself. I must get with you.” —- REALLY?
Said no confident woman ever to a man who drops a cheap ass line like that or any of the ones above.
Name calling is a big deal,
weather you want to believe it or not,
agree with my feelings on these names or not,
I can promise you one thing,
when someone calls you a name,
or you call someone a name,
you feel something,
and that impression that you feel sets a boundary.
Sets a tone to the whole relationship.
Just the other day a dear man in my life messaged me,
“Good morning Kendal.”
I have chosen to allow this man into my more intimate world,
into my inner circle and life and connect deeper with me. This has occurred over a year of deep relating and learning each other,
and so I responded back and said,
“Please call me Rene ( my middle name) it’s the name I choose to go by with those close to my heart.”
Now first, dear men reading this, if you are not this man or the few, and I mean VERY FUCKING few people that I am down for using my middle name, then please DO NOT message me saying “hey Rene”
that will not get you any brownie points.
Second, what I was sharing with him was my trust.
My heart and that I was wanting and willing to be more vulnerable, more seen with him.
That he had earned it by being a man that respected me in so many ways.
Had he played his cards different and called me by any of the names above on my DO NOT USE list,
well this would not have happened.
And then we would not be as close as we are either.
Name calling holds energy.
And this is what you need to understand.
Name calling says a ton about both sides.
Respecting someone,
loving someone means that you get to know them first and listen to their needs.
And guess what the first exchange in any relationship typically is?
Yes our name exchange.
So to make an assumption and start off with your choice of name just because that’s what you like,
that’s what you feel comfortable with,
is you disregarding the others feelings and doing potentially exactly what some of these names lay evidence too.
Make small of that person.
So get to know a person.
Respect a person.
And realize this,
WORDS HAVE POWER.
 
 
 
 
As Always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
 
 
 
What are you waiting for my love?
 
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I Would Do ANything For Love! – But, I Won’t Do THAT.

I would do anything for love!

But, I won’t do THAT.

 

Just like the song,

so our relationships unwind.

We have these THINGS in relationship that we refuse to do,

and some with good reason,

some because they are personal boundaries,

some because it is totally self-sacrificial to do and will only create far worse repercussions than saying, “No.”

 

Relationships are most certainly not about one partner always caving to the other.

It is not about always getting what you want.

Relationships are not about even making you feel happy, safe or comfortable.

Love just an FYI, is not about comfort.

Or getting what we want.

 

It is about getting what we need.

And when we think about what we need,

it is not that we “need” the other person to act, do, be some specific way for us.

No the “need” that relationship provides, is the support for us to  expand and grow into who we truly are as souls.

Therefore, often us getting what we need will feel like a challenge in the relationship.

It will feel uncomfortable.

It will feel testing, scary even and we will feel pushed to breathe into events and moments with our partner.

We will be asked to face our internal structures and inquire,

 

“Is this true?”

 

Is this really how I feel or am I living according to societal structures that have been put on me?

 

Am I leaning into my fear right now? or am I truly coming from my truth?

 

Love is testing.

 

Love will require us to have courage.

To have blind faith.

To open the door to trust.

And to evolve our beliefs.

 

So often though, we address love differently.

We tell our beloveds that we are:

 

👉Unconditional in our love – when in fact it is built on conditions.

👉That we would do “ANYTHING” for them – when in fact that means anything within my comfort box only, ask me to push myself a little into uncharted waters, well forget about that, I won’t do it.

👉That we want for their happiness no matter the cost – when in fact we require that happiness to fit into the picture that we have painted instead of holding space for what our partner actually needs

👉That we want them to grow, to be empowered, feel safe – when in fact yet again we only want this IF it is how we perceive that to be, NOT PUSHING US OUT OF COMFORT.

👉That we want to support them, help them achieve their dreams and become so much – when in fact even though that sounds great and groovy, we are not willing or understanding that if our partner chooses to grow and be all that, that it will require us as well to step in and do the same if we desire to keep the relationship.  If one partner grows and the other does not, then the relationship WILL end.

👉That we want them to heal – I love this one. Over almost two decades I have sat with thousands of couples who proclaim how they desire their partner to heal. How they just want the best life for them, for them to not live in the emotional/psychological and event physical pain/trauma anymore. But when faced with the road it will require to get their partner there, they instead choose to shame, guilt, even abandon and divorce. Proclaiming that they can’t do that. They cannot support that sort of healing and there has to be some other way.

 

Many years ago,

I had a lovely couple come to me.

I will never forget their consultation…

The man sat there,

so wild eyed and excited about the possibilities that laid before them as a couple.

He spoke of his desire to support his wife to become empowered,

to tap into her feminine energy again as their polarities were out of whack and she was more the man then he,

he excitedly shared how he wanted deep intimacy with her,

how he wanted to have connective sex again,

and have her into it.

He wanted her to have less stress in life and with family and that he wanted the opportunity to support her here as well,

he wanted her to have passion for life,

purpose in something she loved,

and of course he wanted her to be the sexual goddess that he knew was in there.

 

They signed up for my couple’s coaching and so the process began to “fix” his wife….lol

 

No such thing as fixing your partner people.

There is only unveiling and that is something only they can do for themselves.

 

The coaching process is about offering tools and guidance to achieve and support someone in their efforts to rebirth themselves.

 

That’s all.

No fixing.

 

Anyway, they became my clients and we started doing the deep awakening work to help them and her get the results that they wanted.

 

Fast forward 18 months,

I met with the couple and she was now glowing, radiant and happy, laughing and so full of life.

Where once I looked into eyes that were lost, empty and on the cusp of death of soul, with no ability to answer clearly anything or speak her truth,

now sat a woman on fire for life.

 

I looked at him,

He was still bubbly and happy in appearance.

He was still supporting her,

but he too was different.

He had, had an awakening of his own.

and was still in his desire to assist his beloved to heal and grow,

to come out of her shell, ‘to see her own worth and radiate the beauty that she had,

that he had to take on the mission to become the man that could hold that space for her.

Meaning he had to rebirth himself as well.

He had to face his inner demons head on,

and get real with the fact that he was not good often with what it was being required of him and them to get her to where she was going.

 

I watched this couple struggle for three years with this birthing process.

They came close a few times to divorce and throwing the towel in.

He weeped to me in session repeatedly about how he just could not support what she was doing.

He swore that it was not okay.

That if she loved him, that she would stop doing these things to him.

And yet, he saw her more radiant than ever before.

He saw her thriving.

But her thriving, (well what it took to get her there) went against almost EVERY cellular belief structure that this man had about life, relationship, marriage, men, women, love,and healing.

 

Now this couple is a success story,

he stuck it out.

She stuck it out.

They pushed through and each expanded, grew as individuals and challenged themselves to reprogram the beliefs that were holding them back in so many areas.

 

And today when I check up on them a decade or so later they are deeply in love, happy, connected and have gotten there because they chose LOVE.

 

They chose each other and they chose to not get stuck in the quicksand of old habits, fears and societal beliefs.

 

That being said,

This is not the case for most relationships proclaiming that they would do anything for love.

 

Most relationships are like the Meatloaf song.

 

They will do anything for love, but they won’t do THAT.

 

THAT thing that the song speaks of is different for all,

yet the same.

 

THAT is fear.

THAT is ego.

THAT is getting out of the box of comfort.

THAT is letting go of the concept that controlling our beloveds actions through our fear and not opening up to the possibilities of “What if, or maybe…”

 

Yes most relationships,

won’t do THAT.

 

Instead they will finger point,

blame and guilt, shame and play victim.

They will turn things around and say,

“But if YOU loved me then you would not need to do/be/act that way.”

They refuse to let go of past,

they refuse to compromise,

they refuse to just love their partner and trust in them,

and in God/Universe.

 

Most relationships opt for supporting old patterns of sabotage and trauma.

Supporting their triggers around abandonment,

around need instead of love.

 

And they try to force their beloveds hand, heart and life back into that comfortable little box that feels so good.

The logical mind in these moments support with tons of evidence as to why you want to keep that box,

it tells us why the growth,

The change is so dangerous.

And so the mission of saving self,

saving themselves from a feeling of discomfort,

turns into war with partner,

guilting and often separation.

 

My question to you today sweet reader,

is if you would do anything for love,

and you fear that by doing THAT thing that causes your heart to feel like it may stop beating if you do,

but your beloved is asking it of you so they can become full again, healed, and who they really are, so they can find their truth,

if THAT thing in your mind is going to kill the relationship,

but you saying “NO I won’t do that for love” will certainly kill the relationship, or you would rather opt for the death of relationship then doing THAT thing…

 

Then why not,

I mean let’s just go out on a limb here today….

 

Why not at least DO THAT THING and see where it takes you?

 

Worst case scenario is that you land where you were willing to go anyway.

 

Call me crazy,

but if you truly love and not need the person and the relationship,

then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain in exploring this life a bit and expanding yourself and your relationship through the support of your beloved.

 

What would you do for love?

 

As Always,

stop Existing & Start living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

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Your Neediness Is Stopping Your F-ck Yes! Life.

I know that you want it baby.
I can see it in your eye’s.
I know that you desire for that F-ck Yes! Life.
You want the connection,
you want the passion,
you want the happiness and direction.
I can see your desire.
It washes across your face as you speak.
It is a hunger,
and you are starving for it.
 
But luv,
here is the issue,
here is the challenge that you cannot see for yourself.
This hunger that is pulling at you,
it has you blinded to what you are missing.
 
And that my luv,
is not what you hunger for,
NO.
What you are missing is the presence,
the release,
the surrender.
You are missing your own allowing,
out of the fear that you miss all that you hunger for.
You fear that by letting go,
you will loose.
And what you are causing is the very lose of what you want so deeply for.
 
You are desperate and hungry luv.
You are a ravenous beast.
You are dangerous.
You are pushing away everyone and everything,
because of your fear.
And this has you even more hungry, does it not.
 
The answer to what you desire,
the way to getting it for certain.
It is not in you chasing.
It is not in you demanding.
It is not in you threatening,
or shaming,
or manipulating.
No you will never achieve what you want in these futile attempts.
This sort of immaturity may make you feel powerful,
it may show you evidence of you getting for a moment,
but you will loose it all quickly,
if you do not allow yourself to have it through your true power.
 
And that power is felt in your love.
It is seen and experienced in your presence.
In your opening to understanding that your self-centeredness is holding your desire at bay.
 
You want to be seen.
You want to be felt.
Understood.
You want to be wanted.
 
And you can have all of this and more.
Life wants to give to you luv.
But in order to have it,
you MUST allow it.
And this will come when you let go.
 
Let go of your neediness.
Let go of your control.
Let go of your hunger.
In your trying,
you are resisting.
 
You are missing all that you can be.
You are missing all that you can have.
You are missing all that you can give,
can share.
 
Because luv,
yes,
it is all about you.
You are for certain the most important person in the room.
But your importance,
must rest assured in confidence not need.
You cannot demand the spot light at the cost of the room.
You cannot fear your own light to the point of hiding from your shadow.
 
The way to have it all.
The path to your F-ck Yes! Life…
It is through your release of the NEED.
 
Ask yourself today luv,
where am I holding on? Where am I resisting all that I can have by insisting on my need?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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Breathe In Your Orgasm

It’s light hearted,
its shame removing,
it’s triggering as F-ck!
It’s connected and compassionate.
It’s educational and real AF.
It’s how I coach.
 
Yesterday, I was privileged to teach my 9th annual Orgasm Camp. Yes, I just said that ORGASM CAMP.😱
 
We had a packed room as always,
with so many new faces and fresh minds to share with.
It was beautiful to see those who have attended other events or worked with me in some fashion participating in the raw, authentic truth tales around ORGASM.
 
Female Orgasm.
And as usual there were those who could sit in the feeling of orgasm, and all that it means,
and those who could not.
 
What do I mean by sitting in the feeling of orgasm?
 
Orgasm is heightened sensation in the physical body,
it blends into waves of emotion and feelings then arise from that space as well.
It is electrical charges from our brain center that triggers different responses in our bodies, minds and “hearts”.
 
How this translates to yesterdays event….
and to YOU right now.
 
SO in Orgasm Camp,
as sexy as it may sound,
we have a seminar where my co-teacher and I verbally teach about female orgasm and S-E-X. We discuss the mental, emotional and physical aspects of the female sexual body.
Then we take a break and the model get’s ready.
The model then gets undressed and get’s on a table naked…..
 
OMFG! Yes there is a naked woman on a table at Orgasm Camp.
 
Can you feel the energy already?
The triggers going off?
The shame kicking in,
the judgement.
The fear.
The ego.
The desire.
The butterflies.
 
You may be thinking,
“Oh, hell no. I would not got to anything like that.”
 
And you may not.
Many people feel this way,
yet sex,
our intimate bedroom life is one of the main contributors to our happiness,
our confidence,
our body image,
our desire,
our feeling good,
and it plays a significant role in relationship success and happiness.
 
And the majority of people are shut down right HERE.
 
So the model get’s on the table naked,
and then I the teacher, demonstrates some basic tantric and quantum touch techniques on how to activate the body centers and help drop someone down out of the mind space where they can actually embody themselves and FEEL.
 
Little known secret about women’s sex… ( totally being sarcastic right now)🤣😂😛
 
Women need to get out of their head to be able to feel desire,
to be able to open up to sex,
to be turned on.
To want to go there and do it at all,
otherwise they are disconnected and it’s just “duty” based.
 
So I show in class the basics of sensual touch.
I show different touch techniques,
Show different toys,
and skills.
Then we move into revealing the secrets of the clitoris and the g-spot.
And the model…
well she get’s into orgasmic waves.
The real deal waves,
not some Harry met Sally moment waves.
And she show’s ORGASM.
The physical real world changes that occur.
The energetic changes that happen.
And so much more.
 
Now the students,
they sit and witness all of this happening.
They sit and breathe in the energy,
the feeling,
the ORGASM that is moving through the room.
And they feel what they feel in themselves.
 
Often, there is a great number who cannot witness this and choose to leave,
or to go to the restroom.
They tap their toes,
fold their arms and look about the room nervously.
They giggle,
and make under their breath comments,
the do whatever they need to release the energy that they feel coming up in them that they are uncomfortable with.
And they reduce their presence level in the space.
They hide.
They hide form their feelings by side tracking themselves with something.
 
This is a normal, human response to coping with something that is triggering.
We do it in many area’s of our life,
in all relationship,
and we do it to protect ourselves from that which we fear,
and that can potentially go against the grains of what we call our beliefs, our comfort, our understanding.
 
However, when we do this what we do is steal a beautiful opportunity from ourselves to witness our shadow lands,
to expand our knowledge and selves.
We step away from personal expansion and we choose in this moment to shut down to our own growth.
 
I recently read a statement from a a fellow coach/teacher that said,
 
“People will do just about anything to be happy,
except change.”
 
So true this statement is.
And we are all guilty as some level.
 
But when we choose to sit in this energy.
In this feeling,
when we choose to breathe it in and witness our shadow’s and expand them out into the light of revealing our truth,
we GROW.
 
We become more authentic.
And we discover our truth which always leads us to HAPPINESS.
 
Today I ask you to explore what triggers you.
Sit with the feelings that make you uncomfortable,
notice when you want to giggle or laugh,
when you choose to be sarcastic or opinionated,
when you fidget and hide.
 
Ask yourself,
“What am I hiding myself from? What am I fearful of seeing within?”
 
Ask yourself to go deeper into your own realms and DISCOVER a new layer of your truth.
 
Because under your shadows in is your light.
And your POWER.
 
Breathe it in Baby.
You are worthy of who you are.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Live ORGASMICALLY today and be happy in who you are.
 
Reach out to me for deet’s on 1:1 private coaching to tap you into your true power and truth now.
 
You are worthy

Forced Consent is Not Authentic Consent.

You can’t touch this….
Touch.
Hands on attention.
Something that is so needed,
so human, so intimate and connective.
 
Yes touch is something beautiful.
Unless it is not wanted.
Unless it is given when it is not appropriate.
Unless it is out of one’s boundaries or it is forced upon someone.
 
And it is this final statement that I want to address today.
As a woman who has experienced her fair share of trauma,
and speak about the healing process,
the psychological issue around and how to best prevent further trauma in life,
It has come to my attention over the last week the power of touch, yet again.
 
The same touch that can show love can also trigger fear.
Our hands and fingers can open in a hug and give one with deep care and no desire to harm another,
these same hands and fingers can penetrate another person with fear and trigger old wounds as well as cause new ones with the same action of a hug.
 
How can that be?
How is it possible?
Does that mean that we should just not touch anyone?
Yet here we are a touch deprived society.
Hungry for touch and the fact that we are so deprived has us uncertain as to what is healthy and what is not,
because we are deprived and not taught proper respect and boundaries,
permissions and body language signs,
because we want what we want and tend to overlook another person’s feelings or obvious gestures of not wanting to be touched,
we push ourselves onto others with great disregard to what we may actually be triggering in them or re-anchoring from a past wound.
 
Touch can be healing,
but it can also be harming.
 
Outside of the harmful touch of physical abuse which is what you may think when you read the words of touch can be harmful,
it can still be harmful with a loving, caring, even playful touch.
 
I will bring to the attention what our society is being taught.
 
Recently in America we have dealt with the conversation of touch with our very president being captured stating:
 
“Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”
 
This is an extreme statement about touch.
About taking what you want with disregard to another human being. And I see the fall out of this statement in many relationship scenarios from parenting to lovers,
from friends to colleagues.
 
Every time we ask our child for a hug or a kiss and they say “no” and we respond with,
“Come on, mommy/daddy need’s a hug.”
” Give me hug and then you can go.”
“I will give you this if you give me a hug or a kiss.”
 
We are disrespecting our child’s space and answer.
We are teaching our child that it is okay to ignore a “no” and to even try and bribe, guilt or push further for what you want with total disrespect to another’s desire, boundary or need.
 
This then translates to adults who believe that it is okay to push for what they want with a spouse or partner.
 
It translates to adults who do not respect the space, time or feelings of another in any relationship situation.
 
It translates to adults who do not take responsibility for their actions, as they feel that they are doing what they are doing out of a “good” place or a “just or deserving” place, as though they have the right when in fact they do not,
and that no matter how good or right our actions may be,
if they are harming toward another’s boundaries or desires then we need to pause and respect what we are being told or what we are witnessing in energy,
body language coming from another person.
 
Touch.
It is so very powerful.
And our boundaries around it can ebb and flow within any relationship and moment by moment in our lives.
A touch that felt good yesterday may very well close us down to connection the next.
 
And the thing to remember about touch is that it extends past the physical.
 
Touch is about how we touch another person.
 
We can touch another person with our physical body,
we can touch them with our words,
we can touch them with the look from our eye’s,
the expression on our face.
We touch other’s all the time.
How you touch them is the question that I encourage you to review in your life today?
 
Are you honoring and respectful?
Do you listen to their body language as well as their words?
Can you hear their truth and accept it just as that,
without needing approval from them or needing a reason as to why they think, feel or need what they need?
 
Or are you operating from a place of self-centeredness?
A place of need and hunger?
 
When you are in relationship with anyone,
no matter the intimacy level or actual label on the relationship,
do you give…
do you touch…
do you speak…
do you act…
out of the place of unconditional respect and love or are you wanting something and wanting to feel a certain way,
with the belief that if this other person “supports” (gives) you what you are wanting by allowing you to act, speak, give, touch, etc… the way that you deem good in that moment,
that this is what “should” happen and it is “okay” because that is just the way that you want it to be?
 
We are all guilty of ignoring another and insisting that they feel or think a way that we want them too instead of how they may actually be feeling or thinking.
 
We are all guilty of wanting something from another at times.
We are all guilty of missing ques in body language or tones, even not hearing words fully and crossing over boundaries.
We are all guilty of being self-centered.
 
No one wants to feel rejected.
No one wants to feel like they have hurt someone that they care for.
 
The reality is that when in relationship,
we will hurt those we care for.
We will not always be present with them.
And we will have hidden expectations if nothing else that we are not aware of that may cause issues along the path.
 
But if we want to act out of love,
if we want to be emotionally mature,
and trustworthy,
if we want to expand and deepen a relationship,
then each of us MUST take responsibility for how we choose to touch those around us.
 
With our words.
With our physical bodies.
With our looks.
With our expectations.
And assumptions.
 
And we must learn to respect the “No” without question of why.
 
Because no one owes you an explanation of why they are feeling any way,
just like you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you think or feel any particular way either.
 
But to push your will on another,
is a breaking of truth,
it is dishonoring to the relationship and to both parties in relationship,
and it shows the desperation of one’s need and lack of actual care for another.
Making it detrimental to the relationship.
 
Pay attention to what you are seeing,
to what you feel coming from another person,
not not what you want to feel or see.
 
Realize that your truth about any particular thing may not be the same as another’s and if you are interacting with another person you NEED their consent to involve them.
 
How are you toughing those in your life today?
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

STOP BEING A YES WHORE.

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STOP BEING A YES WHORE.

Wow! Kendal that is a harsh statement for a Friday morning.

What do you mean by, “Yes Whore?”

You are guilty beautiful of doing just this.
I am guilty too.
There is not a soul on this planet that has not fallen into the illusion of being a yes whore and believing that it is the road to our happiness.

Every time you say YES to someone and you actually mean NO, you are in an essence whoring yourself out and dishonoring self and the relationship that you are YESSING all over.

Every time that inauthentic YES pops out of your mouth and you find yourself swallowing your own needs, desires, ideas, and value because you feel that you “should” do this or that to be a nice person, to be helpful, to offer support, to show you love, etc. etc.

You sabotage yourself!
You sabotage the relationship.
And you loose respect.

I have been in the business of relationship coaching in one facet or another for two decades now and the one thing that I hear repeatedly is, ” I can’t say no, that would be mean.”

“He is my husband… I love him, I can’t say no.”
“She is so sweet and working so hard, she needs this/needs me… I can’t say no.”
“They are really struggling right now, I can’t say no.”
“They need me.”
“I don’t know how I am going to do it but I can’t say no.”

And following these wonderful words of what seem’s like love and support come…

” I am so exhausted, I just don’t have anything left to give, why can’t they/he/she see that?”

“I just feel like a all people ever want me for is ___________________.”

“You know, I have had it… I have been busting myself open here, doing everything I can, to show how much I care and I ask for one small thing and get told no after everything that I have done.”

“Doesn’t he/she see that I really don’t want to do that/feel like it?

“I would be all alone if I said what I really want or need.”

These and so many other things in so many subjects of our lives.

Just think about all the moments that you actually wanted to respond with NO but opted to say yes because you did not want to hurt the relationship, the other persons feelings or damage your value in the relationship.

Think of all those moments that if you get real with yourself you answered YES because you were answering out of fear and/or lack of self-worth.

Well you see beautiful,
these are the times that you were whoring yourself out.

There is no honor or respect in being out of integrity and not being honest with your answer.

You answered YES in exchange for something that you wanted or needed. You put little value on what is so precious and worth so much in hopes that you could,
if but only for a short time,
buy someones love, time, appreciation,
so that you would feel good.

But the funny thing is,
much like a whore who is just selling off their sex and not looking for anything real, lasting or of value,
you find yourself having to consistently whore yourself out to the point of being used up just to get a taste of what you are actually wanting.
And much like the client of the whore who is trying to fill a void and is just buying the illusion of the intimacy and connection,
you are finding yourself feeling used, abused and alone.

The relationships that you are doing this with are the relationships that you need to GET REAL with yourself on.

If you want to experience true happiness.
If you want to be respected.
If you want to have that soulmate relationship based in love,
if you want to feel supported, safe, understood,
If you want to stop questioning yourself and the relationships that you have,
and just BE YOU-
and THRIVE.

if you want that F-ck YES! Life…

Well is starts by you STOPPING YOURSELF FROM BEING A YES WHORE.

The ONLY person you need to answer YES to ALWAYS….

Is YOU.

And you see, if you answer yes to you 100% of the time,
you will find that you will be living authentically and in integrity.
And guess what that means beautiful?

It means you will gain trust, respect, real love and support.
It means that you will NOT ALWAYS make someone else happy,
that you will respect and love yourself enough to know that you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional response, mental thoughts or even physical actions.
It means that you will no longer be enabling another’s victim mindset in their unconscious maneuver to control you and feel loved themselves.

It means that you will be one step closer to manifesting the life that you are worthy of.

So Stop Being a YES WHORE and Release Yourself from That Which Binds You.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Been thinking about your happiness and success?
Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
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Weak Boundaries? No Problem. Do These 2 Things to Overcome Your Shiz NOW!

You have a lack of boundaries with yourself beautiful.

Say what?

Your boundaries for self SUCK.
You cannot even deny it.
You may be under the impression that you got all your shiz together,
that boundaries are goofy or not really needed,
I mean you hear people say all the time with pride that they have none,
or perhaps you have what you consider very hard boundaries,
but baby I got news for you.
Porous or solid,
your self- boundaries suck.

And here is my observation and reasoning for you.

You refuse to commit.
You refuse to stay consistent.
You refuse to do the DAMN THING that you KNOW you must do for yourself.
You keep turning your back on YOU.
And then you have the gumption to b*itch about it and proclaim,

I took that class…
I got that help…
I tried that…
I had patience…
I pushed myself…
I focused on that…
I did that meditation, journaling, “work”….

I did it,
BUT….
“IT” did not help me.

“IT” did not give me the results that I wanted or expected it too.

Okay beautiful,
you are full of crap right now.
This is all bullsh*t!

“IT” whatever “IT” is or was has NOTHING to do with you having success.

The thing that determines your success is YOU.
Doing this THING that you “tried” is not ever going to get you the results that you want.

“IT” is support, education, a new viewpoint, system, guidance to help you achieve what you want IF….

YOU do the damn THING that you need to do.

And that THING is COMMIT.
That thing is staying consistent.

COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY
to YOU beautiful.

And what does that look like? 🤔

➡️It looks like you getting up in the morning and stretching,
breathing into your beautiful body and feeling the gratitude that your body supported your life all night without any conscious effort from you instead of dreading the day ahead.

➡️It looks like you NOT choosing to look at the money you do not have in your bank account before you drink your first morning coffee or shower.

➡️It looks like you applying your focus to positive affirmations instead of looking at the bank account.

➡️It looks like you expanding your knowledge around things that turn you on instead of spending your time with things that drain you.

➡️It looks like you believing that you are worthy of love, success, a beautiful body, abundance and safety instead of focusing your fear on the opposite.

➡️It looks like you committing to YOU and not being the people pleaser that you feel you need to be in order to feel connection, love and gain success in any subject of your life.

➡️ It looks like you not making excuses about your money, your emotions, your responsibilities, your health, your support, your time, your vibration or the economy and JUST DOING THE DAMN THING!

➡️It looks like you being strong in who you are and what you want instead making allowances for being weak and stupid and letting your fears and worries dictate you results.

That is what it looks like beautiful.

But no one,
no program,
no coach, educator, marketing system or therapist,
no healer or medication,
no system,
no nothing…

But your COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY can get you this.

So back to those boundaries that you seem to be having issues with and you want to ignore so fiercely.

Back to making some things nonnegotiable to your life and how you choose to show up and claim it.

Back to getting real and raw,
that is the hard thing.
That is the challenge.
To recognize and accept that YOU.
you are the one holding the map.
It’s your decision what way to go each step of your path.
And even when you feel like you have some great reason as to why you are going a direction that you know is out of alignment,
that ONLY YOU are making that decision.
And it is NEVER forced on you.
You CHOOSE how you react to any given experience or moment in your timeline.
You CHOOSE what you apply your attention and energy too.
You CHOOSE what you commit too.
But always remember that…

YOU ARE COMMITTING TO SOMETHING.

Where does your commitment lie?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Hurry and grab this Launch Special of a $500 savings now.

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I have been in those shoes before all too many time.
But that fear is not going to stop you.
You are powerful.
Introducing 12- weeks of “Unstoppable Power – It’s My Time To Fly!”
This is a once in a life time to work with me 1:1 from anywhere in the world.
If you are a man or a woman who is looking for a powerful game-changing opportunity to claim the life that you desire in FAITH and learn how you can access your dreams quickly by releasing old programs based in fear and shame around your worthiness, joy and abundance then this 12-weeks is for you.
Stop letting everything be an excuse!
You deserve better than those reasons you have to stay trapped in your comfort bubble of suffering.
Let’s level up your life over summer.
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Learn More

You Are Worthy Of Authentic Love.

 
It’s high time beautiful that you STOP the silliness of always saying yes when you mean no.
 
Yeah I see you over there.
faking that smile.
Faking that reaction.
Feeling like you have too,
when in truth you just simply are not all that in to that shiz.
 
But you still say yes.
You say yes because its programmed into you to say yes.
You say yes because you don’t want to rock the boat,
you do not want to cause a confrontation,
you most certainly don’t want to feel separation.
 
What does it matter any way?
Your opinion, your needs or desires.
You are a nice person.
You are not greedy.
You are not selfish.
You put other’s first.
Just the way you were taught.
 
I get it.
 
The issue is that you are dried up.
You are worn out.
You just keep saying yes and thinking that your yes will fill you up because giving is so good.
 
Except you forgot to give to the most important person beautiful.
 
You forgot to take care of the most valuable player in your life.
 
YOU.
 
And so you now have so little of you left to give.
You are fatigued,
lost and off centered.
You don’t have the stamina or energy to keep going and you most likely are questioning if you can.
 
But you just said another inauthentic yes to someone,
and so you must.
You must keep your head up and smile.
 
You are afraid that if you state your truth.
If you say NO –
that this relationship you are giving yourself away for will be no more.
You are afraid you will be judged, criticized, hurt someones feelings, or worse yet be abandoned by them.
 
If you really stop and feel into this,
you should see the silliness of this idea.
If this relationship is meant to be,
if it is a friendship,
a love based relationship,
a relationship that is based on truth and trust…
then why would it go away just because you are a no to something?
 
Now, if the relationship is based simply on you doing what the other wants and needs at all cost,
and you not getting your needs met,
or there is zero allowance for your authenticity,
then perhaps it is high time that you reconsider the value of this relationship in your life.
 
Perhaps you should look at this relationship and question what exactly you are making yourself available for and WHY?
 
Does this relationship make you happy?
Does it fulfill you?
Do you feel like this relationship is equally yoked?
 
Or are you just bending over backward out of fear of being alone.
Out of fear of loss.
Fear that there is nothing better than this,
that you are not deserving of it?
 
Well, I want you to realize that YOU ARE WORTHY of love.
 
And any relationship that says that it is love but demands you to NOT be authentic to get this love, is NOT LOVE.
 
It’s a LIE.
 
You deserve much better than this.
And deep in your heart you know it is true.
It is what pulls at you when you find yourself holding yourself and trying to comfort yourself when you actually need the arms of your relationship.
 
It is that sick feeling that comes up in your stomach when you say yes to something but you know that it is not really for you, but you do it anyway.
 
It is that nervousness or that physical constriction that manifests itself when you agree and push yourself to be/do something that you are not.
 
YES YOU KNOW.
 
And it is truly high time that you STOP the silliness of saying yes when you are actually a no.
 
In saying your authentic truth you will gain respect,
you will feel more confidence,
you will be embraced more by life and others,
you will be trustworthy.
And guess what those people that DO LOVE YOU,
will still be there.
The one’s who were only there for your hand outs, your service and how you made them feel without care of you,
well they will no longer be there.
 
Or they will see you differently and love you for your truth.
 
Either way,
you are worthy of true love.
But in order for you to have it,
you have to start being true to yourself.
And love yourself enough to speak your heart.
 
Say YES.
Say YES to YOU.
Not to everyone else.
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.
I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.
But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.
Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.
Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.
What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?
You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

Not All Gifts Are Gifts, You See.

I got this for you.
I got you this thing.
I got you this thing that I had to get you.
I am sure you will love it.
I know you will.
I got this for you.
It’s my favorite,
and is your’s now too.

Oh you said that you like that.
And so I it is true.
That now all you want,
is this thing.
Over and over,
I will never venture out.
I am not looking at what you say,
or do,
all I can focus on is making sure that you have this thing till you want it no more.

I love you.
I like you.
I adore you.
I cannot get enough of you.
And so it must be so,
that you too,
feel this thing I am feeling,
and want it as much.

I desire this to happen,
I crave it so much,
My mind wants to devour you,
as my body wants to taste and feel.
I cannot hear your words of denial,
I cannot allow myself to pay heed,
no you,
you must want this too.

It is a gift that I give you.
And even though you say no,
I know that you want this.
Because it is true.

Your words are like nails on a chalk board,
why do you argue with me?
Your silence is deafening,
why don’t you give thanks for all that I do?

It must mean more to you.
I must be with you.
I know that you feel something,
you say it is nothing,
you say it cannot be so.
But,
I love you.
I adore you.
I want more of you.
So it is this way.

My desire has me blinded.
My hunger has me deaf.
My heart pains at your denial,
so I will show you,
yes I will.

I know that you will love it.
I know it will be so.
Just give me this moment.
To absorb all you are.
Stop making such a big deal of it.
Why are you hiding over there?
I know that you will love it.
So let me show you my dear.

You make me feel so alive.
You make me smile with your presence.
You make me feel superhuman,
so accept this gift I am giving.
Accept this “love” I am offering.
Stop denying it.
You know you want it.
You know you love it.
You like it.
You want it.
You do.
—————————————————————————

A tale I hardly speak of is the tale of being a rape survivor,
however I wish to express this today as when I walk through this world, I see so many rapes in so many different fashions.

The above is a share that was activated by a trigger from someone in my life recently.

Although there was no harm done,
although I am certain that there was no intent of such,
not even a trigger.
I find it my mission, to speak out loud and have a voice for all those who cannot.

So bare with me here,
as what I am saying may possibly cause you ill feelings,
for your guilt as much as any other human for the rape offenses that we all have made and played down without notice to the messages of ego shared.

No matter what it is.
No matter the gift.
Realize this…
Not all gifts are gifts you see,
for a gift can only truly be received in love when the receiver desires the gift,
wants for it some way,
or truly is something that speaks their name.
But, many a gift has nothing to do with the receiver,
and everything to do about the giver,
who longs to be seen.
To be accepted.
To be loved.
At all cost they will go.
Not noticing the one that they love.
They place their hunger before the heart of another.

No matter the event,
no matter the intimacy shared.
If it is not two sided in wanting,
then it is nothing more than a taking.
You think it is romantic,
you think is sweet,
you think is no big deal,
but when we steal an intimacy with another,
we ignore all that they are.
We crave more for our desire.
We fear more about our pain,
our rejection of not getting,
of not having or experiencing,
what we want is all that matters,
and so we paint a picture of what will be and ignore all the strokes of anything different.

A kiss,
a hug,
a tender touch you see.
All can be innocent and precious,
but when not wanted they are a trespass.
Just as the gift that one might give that is not desired,
can be nothing more than a nuisance.
A problem you see.
We trespass others in so many ways.
From touches to things.

Be aware is all that is stated here.
A lesson for me and you.
We all are guilty of taking.

Ask yourself this,
“This action, this thing, these words that I share: are they from my desire to have what I want or give what is wanted?”

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Level up your life.
Level up your relationships.
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Who’s Claiming You Love?

Well F-ck!
There you go again.
Chasing everything that you don’t want because you got caught up in everyone else’s stuff.

Thinking that, that is what you should do if you love them.

And what has happened to you love?
Oh, I know….
you lost yourself.

Yet again you forgot about the most important person in your life.

YOU.

You forgot to make time and space for you.

And look what has come of it.

Your world is in chaos.
Your exhausted and overwhelmed.
You are running on empty.

And as much as you want to point a finger outward,
and say that they made you do it.
Say that you had no choice.

You know that it is bullsh*t!

So what are you going to do about it?

You may want to put your head down and force your will.
You may want to fully retract yourself from everything and go into hiding.
You may think that you cannot stop this cycle and that you have to just keep on going.
You may still believe even that you need to do that.

But the reality,
is far from what you think it is love.
The reality is that it is HIGH time that you PAUSE and take a moment for YOU.

At all cost too.
Because the other cost’s are far too great if you let them manifest into existence.
I mean if you keep doing what you are doing,
what do you think will end up happening?

Suddenly things will change on their own?
Suddenly someone will stop everything and say, “Hey, no don’t keep doing all of this for me and everyone else, let me carry that for you, and you just go take a holiday for yourself…”

That is laughable.
And it won’t happen.
Because you are not allowing it to happen.
Because you somewhere in your crazy thinking and feeling believing that it cannot happen and that you don’t deserve it to happen,
even though at your core,
if you ask yourself what you truly want,
you may be shocked to discover that you believe and almost expect that someone will come save you from the choices that you are making and from the actions that you are taking and all that you are carrying.

And if you get really real with yourself you may even feel some anger or bitterness around this.
I mean look at all that you are doing for everyone else.
Right?

Seriously.
You do it all.
You carry all that load for everyone,
and surly they will notice.
Surely they will see it and want to say thank you.

Not just say thank you,
but REALLY say THANK YOU.

And then you will be happy!

Okay love,
this has got to sound a bit whacked to you.
I mean you know logically that it is not so.
You know that ONLY YOU can make the changes in your life that are needed.

I mean you get that you are responsible for your life.

I hope you do.

Because that is the only f-cking way out of this mess you have yourself in.
The only way out of it,
and the only way that you will be happy,
and feel confident, strong, and in love with your life and yourself is IF you,

YES YOU…

Claim your LIFE TODAY.
And claiming your life is more than just just talking about it.
It is actually meaning it at a deep SOUL LEVEL.
And then HONORING that and taking the steps that you are called to take despite everyone else.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for grown A*s Believers”
www.kendalwilliams.com