You Are Worthy Of Authentic Love.

 
It’s high time beautiful that you STOP the silliness of always saying yes when you mean no.
 
Yeah I see you over there.
faking that smile.
Faking that reaction.
Feeling like you have too,
when in truth you just simply are not all that in to that shiz.
 
But you still say yes.
You say yes because its programmed into you to say yes.
You say yes because you don’t want to rock the boat,
you do not want to cause a confrontation,
you most certainly don’t want to feel separation.
 
What does it matter any way?
Your opinion, your needs or desires.
You are a nice person.
You are not greedy.
You are not selfish.
You put other’s first.
Just the way you were taught.
 
I get it.
 
The issue is that you are dried up.
You are worn out.
You just keep saying yes and thinking that your yes will fill you up because giving is so good.
 
Except you forgot to give to the most important person beautiful.
 
You forgot to take care of the most valuable player in your life.
 
YOU.
 
And so you now have so little of you left to give.
You are fatigued,
lost and off centered.
You don’t have the stamina or energy to keep going and you most likely are questioning if you can.
 
But you just said another inauthentic yes to someone,
and so you must.
You must keep your head up and smile.
 
You are afraid that if you state your truth.
If you say NO –
that this relationship you are giving yourself away for will be no more.
You are afraid you will be judged, criticized, hurt someones feelings, or worse yet be abandoned by them.
 
If you really stop and feel into this,
you should see the silliness of this idea.
If this relationship is meant to be,
if it is a friendship,
a love based relationship,
a relationship that is based on truth and trust…
then why would it go away just because you are a no to something?
 
Now, if the relationship is based simply on you doing what the other wants and needs at all cost,
and you not getting your needs met,
or there is zero allowance for your authenticity,
then perhaps it is high time that you reconsider the value of this relationship in your life.
 
Perhaps you should look at this relationship and question what exactly you are making yourself available for and WHY?
 
Does this relationship make you happy?
Does it fulfill you?
Do you feel like this relationship is equally yoked?
 
Or are you just bending over backward out of fear of being alone.
Out of fear of loss.
Fear that there is nothing better than this,
that you are not deserving of it?
 
Well, I want you to realize that YOU ARE WORTHY of love.
 
And any relationship that says that it is love but demands you to NOT be authentic to get this love, is NOT LOVE.
 
It’s a LIE.
 
You deserve much better than this.
And deep in your heart you know it is true.
It is what pulls at you when you find yourself holding yourself and trying to comfort yourself when you actually need the arms of your relationship.
 
It is that sick feeling that comes up in your stomach when you say yes to something but you know that it is not really for you, but you do it anyway.
 
It is that nervousness or that physical constriction that manifests itself when you agree and push yourself to be/do something that you are not.
 
YES YOU KNOW.
 
And it is truly high time that you STOP the silliness of saying yes when you are actually a no.
 
In saying your authentic truth you will gain respect,
you will feel more confidence,
you will be embraced more by life and others,
you will be trustworthy.
And guess what those people that DO LOVE YOU,
will still be there.
The one’s who were only there for your hand outs, your service and how you made them feel without care of you,
well they will no longer be there.
 
Or they will see you differently and love you for your truth.
 
Either way,
you are worthy of true love.
But in order for you to have it,
you have to start being true to yourself.
And love yourself enough to speak your heart.
 
Say YES.
Say YES to YOU.
Not to everyone else.
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.
I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.
But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.
Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.
Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.
What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?
You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

Not All Gifts Are Gifts, You See.

I got this for you.
I got you this thing.
I got you this thing that I had to get you.
I am sure you will love it.
I know you will.
I got this for you.
It’s my favorite,
and is your’s now too.

Oh you said that you like that.
And so I it is true.
That now all you want,
is this thing.
Over and over,
I will never venture out.
I am not looking at what you say,
or do,
all I can focus on is making sure that you have this thing till you want it no more.

I love you.
I like you.
I adore you.
I cannot get enough of you.
And so it must be so,
that you too,
feel this thing I am feeling,
and want it as much.

I desire this to happen,
I crave it so much,
My mind wants to devour you,
as my body wants to taste and feel.
I cannot hear your words of denial,
I cannot allow myself to pay heed,
no you,
you must want this too.

It is a gift that I give you.
And even though you say no,
I know that you want this.
Because it is true.

Your words are like nails on a chalk board,
why do you argue with me?
Your silence is deafening,
why don’t you give thanks for all that I do?

It must mean more to you.
I must be with you.
I know that you feel something,
you say it is nothing,
you say it cannot be so.
But,
I love you.
I adore you.
I want more of you.
So it is this way.

My desire has me blinded.
My hunger has me deaf.
My heart pains at your denial,
so I will show you,
yes I will.

I know that you will love it.
I know it will be so.
Just give me this moment.
To absorb all you are.
Stop making such a big deal of it.
Why are you hiding over there?
I know that you will love it.
So let me show you my dear.

You make me feel so alive.
You make me smile with your presence.
You make me feel superhuman,
so accept this gift I am giving.
Accept this “love” I am offering.
Stop denying it.
You know you want it.
You know you love it.
You like it.
You want it.
You do.
—————————————————————————

A tale I hardly speak of is the tale of being a rape survivor,
however I wish to express this today as when I walk through this world, I see so many rapes in so many different fashions.

The above is a share that was activated by a trigger from someone in my life recently.

Although there was no harm done,
although I am certain that there was no intent of such,
not even a trigger.
I find it my mission, to speak out loud and have a voice for all those who cannot.

So bare with me here,
as what I am saying may possibly cause you ill feelings,
for your guilt as much as any other human for the rape offenses that we all have made and played down without notice to the messages of ego shared.

No matter what it is.
No matter the gift.
Realize this…
Not all gifts are gifts you see,
for a gift can only truly be received in love when the receiver desires the gift,
wants for it some way,
or truly is something that speaks their name.
But, many a gift has nothing to do with the receiver,
and everything to do about the giver,
who longs to be seen.
To be accepted.
To be loved.
At all cost they will go.
Not noticing the one that they love.
They place their hunger before the heart of another.

No matter the event,
no matter the intimacy shared.
If it is not two sided in wanting,
then it is nothing more than a taking.
You think it is romantic,
you think is sweet,
you think is no big deal,
but when we steal an intimacy with another,
we ignore all that they are.
We crave more for our desire.
We fear more about our pain,
our rejection of not getting,
of not having or experiencing,
what we want is all that matters,
and so we paint a picture of what will be and ignore all the strokes of anything different.

A kiss,
a hug,
a tender touch you see.
All can be innocent and precious,
but when not wanted they are a trespass.
Just as the gift that one might give that is not desired,
can be nothing more than a nuisance.
A problem you see.
We trespass others in so many ways.
From touches to things.

Be aware is all that is stated here.
A lesson for me and you.
We all are guilty of taking.

Ask yourself this,
“This action, this thing, these words that I share: are they from my desire to have what I want or give what is wanted?”

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Level up your life.
Level up your relationships.
Explore 1:1 elite coaching or Passion Coaching for Couples today. Applications available now.

 

Who’s Claiming You Love?

Well F-ck!
There you go again.
Chasing everything that you don’t want because you got caught up in everyone else’s stuff.

Thinking that, that is what you should do if you love them.

And what has happened to you love?
Oh, I know….
you lost yourself.

Yet again you forgot about the most important person in your life.

YOU.

You forgot to make time and space for you.

And look what has come of it.

Your world is in chaos.
Your exhausted and overwhelmed.
You are running on empty.

And as much as you want to point a finger outward,
and say that they made you do it.
Say that you had no choice.

You know that it is bullsh*t!

So what are you going to do about it?

You may want to put your head down and force your will.
You may want to fully retract yourself from everything and go into hiding.
You may think that you cannot stop this cycle and that you have to just keep on going.
You may still believe even that you need to do that.

But the reality,
is far from what you think it is love.
The reality is that it is HIGH time that you PAUSE and take a moment for YOU.

At all cost too.
Because the other cost’s are far too great if you let them manifest into existence.
I mean if you keep doing what you are doing,
what do you think will end up happening?

Suddenly things will change on their own?
Suddenly someone will stop everything and say, “Hey, no don’t keep doing all of this for me and everyone else, let me carry that for you, and you just go take a holiday for yourself…”

That is laughable.
And it won’t happen.
Because you are not allowing it to happen.
Because you somewhere in your crazy thinking and feeling believing that it cannot happen and that you don’t deserve it to happen,
even though at your core,
if you ask yourself what you truly want,
you may be shocked to discover that you believe and almost expect that someone will come save you from the choices that you are making and from the actions that you are taking and all that you are carrying.

And if you get really real with yourself you may even feel some anger or bitterness around this.
I mean look at all that you are doing for everyone else.
Right?

Seriously.
You do it all.
You carry all that load for everyone,
and surly they will notice.
Surely they will see it and want to say thank you.

Not just say thank you,
but REALLY say THANK YOU.

And then you will be happy!

Okay love,
this has got to sound a bit whacked to you.
I mean you know logically that it is not so.
You know that ONLY YOU can make the changes in your life that are needed.

I mean you get that you are responsible for your life.

I hope you do.

Because that is the only f-cking way out of this mess you have yourself in.
The only way out of it,
and the only way that you will be happy,
and feel confident, strong, and in love with your life and yourself is IF you,

YES YOU…

Claim your LIFE TODAY.
And claiming your life is more than just just talking about it.
It is actually meaning it at a deep SOUL LEVEL.
And then HONORING that and taking the steps that you are called to take despite everyone else.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for grown A*s Believers”
www.kendalwilliams.com

No One Gives A Sh*t About Your Troubles.

No one really cares if you succeed or not.
No one really gives a rat’s rear end if you pay your bills or not.
No one really ultimately gives a shit.
How do I know this is true?
 
Well think about it…
Your friend tells you about their troubles,
the man next door shares about his job loss,
the woman at the school shares she has cancer,
your aunt says that she is terminal,
Your kid says that they are stressed about this or that,
your buddy at work get’s canned.
 
Sad but true.
These events happen every day.
You hear about them,
and you say,
OMG! I am so sorry.
I will pray for you.
You ask what you can do.
You feel bad for a few moments or even revisit the feeling here and there through out the day,
but at the end of the day,
you sit down on your couch,
you snuggle with your kids or your spouse,
or crash alone,
you watch whatever series on TV that you are caught up in,
and you ignore the miseries of others.
 
Right?
So why think that anyone else is doing something different when you share your sob stories.
 
the reality is that no one really cares if you succeed.
And to top it off,
almost everyone will eat away at your
TIME
ENERGY
MONEY
HEART
and whatever else they can absorb from you in the process.
 
Your friends,
Your family,
and any one that you allow too,
will step into your life and enjoy all that you have to give,
and keep taking from you until you say no,
or drop from exhaustion.
 
So why do so many of us, ‘find ourselves wrapped up in other people’s drama, if this is true?
 
Why do we allow for others to just leach off of us,
if at the end of the day it does not really matter?
 
Why do we extend ourselves to the point of breaking in some fashion, if no one really gives a shit?
 
Now I know that this may seem a little pessimistic here.
And I am not saying that we should not help.
That we should not ask for help.
 
What I am wanting to do is bring attention to the harsh reality of being human and living in a world of fellow humans.
 
We are all greedy mother f-ckers.
 
We want what we want and we want it for ourselves.
Even when we are “helping another” it is for ourselves.
 
It is most likely our ego,
wanting a pat on the back in some fashion,
even if it is just from ourselves to say, ” Yeah, I am a good person.”
 
Here is the reality,
here is the thought behind this share,
so often,
this aspect of our ego’s that desires to be just that,
“A good person,”
will lead us down the path of filling up our schedules with other peoples business.
 
The business that leads us to no where land.
The business that takes us into stress,
into chaos, and misery.
Worry and doubt.
The business that if we get real with ourselves,
we are stepping into because of our own fear of moving forward.
 
And so we fiddle around in this or that,
being a good person.
 
Taking the short term payout,
of feeling good about ourselves,
all the while,
denying our dreams.
 
When we allow others to dictate,
to control,
and to take priority on our schedules.
and in our lives,
our thoughts,
we hand over our power to them .
And we in essence say,
” I am sure that you will put me before you and do what is in my best good.”
We say,
” I have weak or no boundaries.’
” I do not value my own time or energy.”
” I need a reason to be a victim.”
 
And we do these things,
because yes we want to be good people.
We want to be liked.
We want to help others.
We feel lead to do them.
 
All great reasons.
However, all ego based.
 
And these ego based reason.
will NEVER lead us to the results in our lives that we desire.
They will only lead us to something other than success.
And that would be FAILURE.
 
And we will continue to experience this as long as we over give of ourselves based in ego.
 
If you want to claim that F-ck Yes Life.
If you want to build a multi-six or seven figure business.
If you want to have a phenomenal relationship.
Or any other dream or goal,
then you have to stop f-cking around.
And you have to make YOU #1.
Because no one else on this planet is going to,
and nor should they.
 
It is high time that you go do what you need to do,
to become whom you need to become.
 
Stop making excuses by getting caught up in everyone’s else’s live’s,
INSTEAD get caught up in your own.
 
Say YES to the most important person in your life.
YOU.
 
And as always,
Stop Exisiting & Start Living

Real Estate Agents, Coaches, Massage Therapists, Yoga Instructors, Speakers, Educators,Practitioners, MLM Peep’s, On- Line Sales, Crafters, or anyone who is helping someone else…. THIS IS FOR YOU!
Wish you could start the new year being your own boss?
Wish you could figure out a side hustle that made you good part time money and was something that you enjoyed?
Want to know where to start?
With YOUR biz?

Let me show you what I have learned from the last two decades of being my own boss.

Take your business from where ever you are at,
even if you have not started yet,
to making $100k quickly.

These are the steps that you need to master your BOSS-HOOD!

Preliminary work has already been added.
LIVE training starts Sunday.
You can take this class from anywhere in the world to boot.

REGISTER NOW!!!!
Class starts this Sunday Nov. 18th
3 Day Intensive LIVE Global Access Workshop

THIS is the THING that will prevent you from having it all.

The reason you will never have the relationships,
the lifestyle, the money or anything else that you really want is because your f-cking scared to death to call it in.
 
to ask for it.
To set the stage for it.
Your f-cking scared to death,
that if you actually just let it rip,
that the world would run away from you and that you would loose all that you have,
and having what you have is better than not having anything at all,
even though it is a long shot from what your soul desires.
 
 

Isn’t that right Baby?

 
So you sit there in your suffering.
In your fear of making changes,
taking steps,
and sharing your heart and soul.
 
 
The comforts of your dis-satisfaction and smallness with life,
is something that you cannot seem to let go of.
 
And THIS,
 

This is the THING,

that will will prevent you every God damn day from having what you really want in your:
 
Finances
Career
Relationships
Sex
Health
Lifestyle
Faith
 
 
This morning I sat down to checked into my email, like I do every morning around 10am. My phone had been popping off with text messages from five old lovers and I questioned what the heck was going on in my energy to call in all this attention from relationships of the past.
 
I questioned if I was stepping down in my vibe?
I questioned if I was feeling un-seen, unloved or something else?
Was I simply needing attention?
Or was I getting so TURNED ON TO LIFE that my vibe was magnetizing and calling in those who desired the turn on as well?
Who need the feminine creative flow and surrender to take them to that level of depth within themselves to manifest a life that they want more than what they have within the comforts of the now.
 
As I have been sitting here analyzing these messages,
these men, and all the emotion and feelings that come up for me, I see many things.
 
To start with my judgments.
My fears.
My patterns.
My love that I hold for each of them still today.
 
And all of these things play a role in my lessons.
And in who I have become.
In gratitude and with the help of each of these gentlemen.
 
SO as I sit here and look at what the potential message is,
I see that there are some factors to what I am needing in my current life that these men could fill for me,
 
However, the question comes,
Do I open an old door that did not work back then and try again or do I keep it shut?
 
It comes down to my current needs, desires and boundaries.
In this particular case I will focus in on my boundaries as boundaries are something that MUST be developed, reevaluated and adjusted often. What is a boundary in one case may not be in another and as we learn and grow,
as we come more into who we really are and get into greater alignment with our soul,
 
our boundaries change.
 
Boundaries are part of CALLING IN what we want into our lives.
 
Without healthy boundaries, we never gain the life that we really want. Instead we push it away from us in one way or another.
 
You know what I am speaking of,
Don’t you?
 
You are a doormat.
The go to person, who never feels appreciated,
just used.
 
This is boundary issue.
 
You are the center of attention, always.
You have no space.
You are fearful of saying no,
for whatever reason.
So you are fatigued and worn out emotionally, mentally and physically.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
You feel alone.
You look around you and you have no real relationships.
You hate people, because in your view, “they are all stupid.”
So you sacrifice relationship for the most part to avoid the drama of others.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
If it is going to be, it is up to me.
You cannot rely on anyone but yourself.
You don’t even want to.
So you keep things nice and tidy,
limited relationships, outings or anything.
And you play within your own means,
never asking for shit.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
You expect that others should just do/act/love/need as you do.
You think that by always doing what is needed for another,
always making yourself available,
and being a yes, is good.
will get you what you want.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
You don’t think that boundaries are that important.
You think that others need to just relax and chill.
Stop being so serious.
And you don’t see yourself over stepping,
getting shocked when someone claims you did.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
To name a few.
 
We are all in need of understanding our boundaries and learning how to play within the multiple relationships of our lives, boundaries as well.
 
But the tale of today,
is to make you aware that BOUNDARIES are a vital part of your manifestation process.
 
It is important for you to explore what you are needing, wanting and feel good about in any given situation.
 
And here is the real kicker….
 
If you feel uncertain,
negative,
like you want to say no,
have fear, doubt or some other ill sensation or emotion,
then what you need to get right with is this:
 

THAT IS YOUR SOUL SAYING F-CK NO!!!!!

So Listen Damn It.

 
If you want to create that #freedombasedlife that #fuckyeslifestlye then you have to HONOR your boundaries.
 
You will NEVER call in what you want to manifest.
You will NEVER vibrate at the frequency that you want or need to have the life that you desire, as long as you are saying yes when you are actually a
 

F-CK NO!!!!

 
What will I do with these five old lovers?
I will listen to my soul.
 
That is what I will do.
Each man presents a different boundary to set,
to feel into,
to learn more about myself with.
 
Each man is here offering me an opportunity to get deeper into SOUL ALIGNMENT.
 
And so I will.
That is what I will do.
 
How about you?
What will you do with the boundary lessons offered you today?
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
Message me for details….
or

Call It A Blond Dementia Moment.

Blond Moments.

 
LOL… I have these so often.
It truly is not funny.
 
Okay, so it is pretty effing funny.
I laugh at myself ALL the time.
 
Today I was out to lunch with a friend who is part of my KW Team. I was sharing with her my appreciation for her support and friendship and simply all she does for me.
 
And then I had to share this little diddy with her about my blond moment at 6AM yesterday.
 
So if you did not know, I am a horrible control freak.
I really have a tough time delegating in my business.
I have for years done it all myself and built almost everything BUT the info structure and SEO of my website by myself.
I have had help along the way for technical things, but quickly took it upon myself to learn what was happening and then booted my helper and did it myself.
 
Why?
Well, I could feed you some bullshit line here and say that I could not afford the help or we had some disagreement and just needed to split.
 
But like I said, that would be a bullshit line.
 
The truth was, I dumped the help because I felt like it made me weak to ask or need help.
It made me feel like someone else was in control of my life instead of me.
And I simply DID NOT TRUST.
 
I did not trust that they would do what I needed or wanted.
I did not trust that I could release my stuff to them.
I did not trust that God would provide me with the means to pay them.
 

And the BIG one:

 
I did not trust that I was worthy enough to have help.
 
Anyway, this has been a long running battle for me.
Anyone, close to me and is reading this right now is shaking their head YES.
 
Well, a few weeks ago I committed to take myself to the next level of coaching and grow my business. Which means that I would have to grow and learn how to expand myself more.
 
 
And one of the first things I am being faced with is that I am DOING TOO MUCH.
 
I am trying to CONTROL IT ALL.
And I need to just LET GO.
 
LOL…
You would think I would know that.
 
And I do.
But here is my shit.
 
My shit is that one of my tweaks to go to the next level is to delegate and ASK FOR HELP.
 
Ask for what I need.
And then ALLOW myself to RECEIVE it.
 
Okay so fast forward to 6AM today….
 
I am jumping on Facebook to do my daily 6-AM Conscious Coffee LIVE and I decided after three sips of coffee with one eye open that I was going to take the first minute to share my LIVE from my business page to my personal profile where I have over 4k friends and followers. I was thinking it would touch more people and would make a bigger impact.
 
GREAT IDEA.
 
So I do it. I go LIVE, I make the announcement that I am sharing this and doing a quick tech thing and then I get into my talk.
 
I go through a few moments of sharing on the topic- But You Said You Wanted It.
 
When I have a TOTAL Blond Moment.
 
And to make matters worse from just being blond, I freak myself out internally like the zombie apocalypse is happening…
 
Mid sentence, I am sharing a point and think to myself,
” I need to share the Feel Good Now Course” under this live.
 
Like magic, the course pops up under my LIVE.
And that is not the magical part,
It was shared by ME.
 
Except, I DID NOT share it.
 
So, I was like, “W-O-W! That was cool. and Thank you God.”
 

But that wow moment quickly crept into, “WTF! How did that happen and who hacked my account?”

 
Total Blond…
My friend I was having lunch with today, I had given permission to edit and admin my coaching page to.
 
I had asked for her help to run things and support me.
I had asked her to join my team and do just what she was doing.
 
Supporting me on a LIVE.
 
Yeppers, This crazy blond here, forgot she asked for her needs.
And freaked the f*ck out from getting what she was asking for.
 
I guess that could be called a Blond Dementia Moment?
 
IDK.
 
Anyway, moral of my tale this afternoon…
 

Stop trying to control everything.

Let go of what you can, so you can BE-DO-HAVE more.

 
Open up and ASK for your NEEDS to be met.
Then DON’T forget to allow yourself to actually RECEIVE them.
 
Oh, and ALWAYS….
ALWAYS
Remember to Laugh.
 
Laugh at Life.
Laugh at Yourself.
Laugh at your Ego.
 
Find the Humor in your life and it will get easier,
and flow better.
 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

 

Wanting, Willing & Taking – Understanding Desire

” A gift unopened is a gift not valued.”- KW

threesome

” There I lay with my legs spread wide open as I looked my lover in the eye’s. He was sweating, heated, passionate. Full of arousal and pleasure. His turn on was fulfilling at a deep level. With every thrust of his cock I could sense that this experience was beyond his anticipation and I was honored that I could gift him with it. As he thrusted himself into another’s woman pussy and she was devouring mine I could tell that the sheer act that I would be open to another woman going down on me and to make matters even more divine that she would be eating me out while he was having his way with her doggy style and getting to watch her enjoying me was by far the best Christmas present I could have come up with.

As she gasped for air and moaned from her pleasure and turn on he too became more aroused and leaned deeper into his own pleasure. From my vantage their joy and pleasure were beyond beauty. I found myself caught not in pleasure, not in rapture or orgasm of the physical realms but that of a deep emotional love for this man. In this moment I truly was not body present, if anything I was physically turned off from my own orgasm, but what I had discovered was a sexual giving that could not be touched and a beauty and appreciation for this world and our sex that I did not understand prior.

The adventure moved forward and before long I found myself in a 69 position with this woman and my partner now taking turns fucking her pussy up close and personal not more that a few inches away from eyes and face and then occasionally pulling out of her and thrusting deep into my mouth. Every time he switched from pussy to mouth or vise versa I could see the pulsing energy of his cock expand and he wanted so badly to take all that he could out of this moment. Once again I found myself hearing her moans, feeling her body on top of mine, her breathing changing and her body quivering, her pussy dripping with juices and wanting more but I could not feel her tongue, her lips and fingers as they danced along my vulva and found themselves in me. No, once again I was not able to truly drop down into my body and feel what was happening. But I could feel the high orgasmic energy of my partner and of our playmate. In this instance I found a new arousal yet again, it was a sort of mystery and joy combined in some sexual dance as I watched his cock and balls penetrate and slap up against her and then felt him not just quiver but literally vibrate as he penetrated my mouth. Holding his very hard cock deep in my throat, just past that tight spot I could get little gasps of air as he pulsed and moaned. This, this made me aroused. This activated me some.

Before long I was now on my back, our playmate sitting back sharing how great her view was. My pussy wide open before her and my partner now between my legs now taking me fully while she watched and masturbated to our live lovemaking scene. I could hear her moan, I could smell her in the room. His groans and growls with his ever deepening penetration was a turn on but once again, it was a mental and emotional turn on, it was a deeply intimate affair that made my heart leap with joy but my orgasm was no where to be found physically.”

This was a small take away from my first ever threesome with another woman. I had decided that I was going to gift my partner with something that he had always desired. A fantasy of his and I was over joyed that the whole experience was so beautiful. I still hold so much gratitude to the woman that we chose to share this moment with and who helped to deepen our intimacy as a couple. I wanted to gift the man I love with something I knew he had never been given and I was ecstatic that I was a woman who was willing to play in territories that were not always comfortable or about myself. I had not always been this way, my self-doubt, guilt, shame and concepts of giving and receiving had changed tremendously through the years and still do from time to time as I learn about myself and my own needs and desires. However I can say that the ability to share oneself without a need to receive is something that I cherish in myself. I also cherish the fact that I am extremely comfortable stating my boundaries and desires as well as needs in these areas.

As much as I love to give without receiving I also am not afraid to ask for what I desire. I have learned that giving of this nature can only happen when I myself am in a state of fullness and even better if my cup runneth over with orgasmic bliss already, as in these times are when I am not only willing to give and excited about it, but I want to give freely. In such moments I find my orgasm in others. I feel it when they express their joy, their pleasure. I feel my turn on not in the physical but in my heart and I experience a deeper layer of orgasmic living through this. These moments to me are very unsexual. They are playful education that help me remain in a state of acceptance, appreciation and openness.

This is where one’s willingness and wanting come together in a perfect dance to share love with someone in a special format that is not often understood by any of the parties in the moment it is happening. This is sharing of the unconditional sort.

Willingness Vs. Wanting

We all think that we understand the difference of these two. It seem’s pretty simple. Does it not?

“I am willing to help you move this weekend even though I actually want to just crash and veg on the couch because I am exhausted from the week.”

“I want to go to see Doctor Strange but am willing to see Moana instead.”

These are simple things to see the act of willingness with. The act of giving to another and not doing exactly what we want in the moment so that another can have pleasure with us, or through us  or accomplish something that they might need or want to but would like our help with. This does not make the person receiving self-centered. It does allow them to be selfish though and selfishness is not a bad thing as long as we are willing to be grateful for it, give back when possible and do not ever put another into a situation of harm or trauma.

When we are self-centered we tend to not be concerned about others. In these times we express our desires for what we feel are our needs or wants and we do not stop to think about the cost to others, nor do we care. When we are self-centered we are like a bull in a friends china shop and we disregard everything but what we are focused on. We also typically do not allow for space to occur for someone else to make a decision of how they feel or if they want, are willing or otherwise around whatever we are pushing for.

Let me share a brief story to help clarify self-centeredness in sexing:

A few years back I worked with a couple and the main spiff they had was around anal sex. The man loved anal sex and the woman occasionally liked it but most of the time was not interested as it was not her major turn on and she had even been hurt during it a few times. The husband could not understand why his wife would not always enjoy this practice so he thought that if he insisted on doing it more consistently and “assured her” that she liked it during the process that she would get a clue and start to enjoy it as much as he did.

When I spoke to the husband he always shared his concern that she was not understanding how great this act was or her own pleasure. He was convinced that her complaints were false and that for some reason she was just trying to take away his pleasure. When I spoke with the wife she shared that it hurt horribly and his aggressive nature, lack of asking her if she was wanting or even willing to play like this caused her a lot of stress. She was ready to pull the plug on the marriage if it continued. And she did in the end. The husband was shocked that she would divorce him for asking for what he wanted and it being such a small matter at that.

This couple shares a true tale of one partner being self-centered and ONLY concerned about his own pleasure and gratification. To the point of insisting that his wife did not understand what was happening with her own body and emotions.

That is not selflishness though!

Selfishness is another animal all together. We miss use the word all the time and therefore tend to wrap guilt and shame around something that is actually needed and we should have more of.
Yes I just said that you and I alike NEED to be selfish more!

Selfishness is when we ask for what we need. Selfishness does not mean that we will always get what we are asking for or that we should, it simply says that we know that we need something and that we know that we need to take care of ourselves. If we need another to help us fulfill this then we need to ask for it but if we can achieve it without another or can look elsewhere then often it is more than okay to do this as long as we remain in openness and integrity.

An example of being selfish would be:

After I had my seventh child I was having a really tough time gaining feeling back in my vaginal walls. It took me almost twice as long as previous postpartums. That did not stop my libido though, but the over tiredness and toddler who slept between my partner and myself plus the newborn did not make for the best of grounds for getting back in the saddle. On top of it when my partner and I had sex I could hardly feel him and could not orgasm. This all started doing a mind fuck on me and I found myself not interested in sex with my partner the way that I wanted to be. I knew that I was depleted of orgasmic energy and all the good hormones that get released and help support our bodies emotionally, mentally and physically when we are full on orgasm. I knew that if I did not get this soon that I would sink into depression even further and my old programs would have a better grip on me than normal. I knew that if I did not take care of myself and frequently that I would loose so much of myself and not be able to give to the world any more. So I took matters into my own hands and got SELFISH!!!!

I masturbated every morning. Being in an open relationship also allowed me to ask for more sex with not just my one partner but to pull in my other partner as well and start working my orgasm out in anyway possible. I asked my partners to go down on me, I asked to use toys, I even created some hot scenes that were playful and shared them and said that I wanted to try them. From someone looking in they may have said, ” This woman is a sex addict, she needs help, she is not thinking about anyone but herself.” They would have been right about one thing, I needed help, I needed to help myself and be selfish and I needed support from those who loved me.

Wanting, willing and taking. When we fully understand the differences we should be able to see the positive and negative that they all carry with them, just like anything in life.

Sometimes our wanting is so strong that it makes us forget about others. Other times our wanting is an act of sharing or a desire that we hope will be granted or at least heard in love and acceptance so that we can feel closer and more seen.

Our willingness is often based on one of three things:

*Love or care for another
*Guilt
*Compromise or control

The last two are based in fear and not even acts of selflessness, but acts of victim-hood and an inability to stand up for our own needs and boundaries. The first is based in love and often is unconditional and if it is conditional we are quick to set our terms.

When we speak of taking, it sounds so mean. Like we are stealing something or causing harm to another by taking. This is only sometimes true. Once again look at the motive behind the act. Look at the act itself. And most importantly realize that in any healthy relationship that one can ONLY take what is offered otherwise it is not a healthy relationship to start with. If you are taking without  being offered then you need to examine your actions and realize that you are causing trauma. If you take something that is being offered  authentically with no ill emotional back lash (i.e. guilt) then you are honoring your relationship and the gift bestowed upon you.

We take forcefully and we also take what we are being gifted. Ask yourself which it is and then choose wisely.

Honor those you love through the  act of unconditional sharing and through the art of receiving. Remember that the gifts given that are unconditional are often the most beautiful.

—KW
*Image from Samarel Liquid Erotica

Transformation Indeed! – Testimony from an Orgasm Coaching for Women Client

IMG_6827edit

6 months have passed…

Every part of my mind, body and soul are being awakened and guided to new places that I thought were reserved for only a few fortunate ones.

Kendal Williams wrapped her love and knowing around me one cold dark winter evening as I sat in a coffee shop across from her and poured out my tired and broken story. Through tears, I saw her gentle, knowing smile and heard TRUTH for the first time in my life.

Kendal has a style of coaching that is honest and direct, with constant support, through the lovely as well as the ugly. She listens, explains, shares, guides and directs with uncanny intuition and a wealth of resources.

The very next day, as promised, I received an email with a list of all we discussing, complete with easy-to-follow links for every article, person, website, and resource! My journey now includes work with her partner, Scott/Authentic Living as well as her daughter with Photography in Wonderland.

6 months have passed….and I am a new goddess
~who enjoys feeling and seeing my own body
~who asks for what I want
~who holds sensation without disconnection
~who can breathe energy into any part of my being
~who is learning to love without boundaries
~who loves self first
~who is expanding sexuality
~ who is committed to this work of transforming

I have open mind, body & soul for the next steps in my life journey with Kendal & Company as my guide.

— Laura N. Dallas, Texas (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2015)

Is Your Avoidance Getting You What You Want? (Every Woman Needs to Read This)

After being in a nine-year committed relationship with someone who was painfully avoidant I have learned to spot the patterns of avoidance in my clients and the couples with whom I work with a keen eye. I see it come up even in the people who apply to my programs or reach out to me in the ways they do not show up for calls or respond when I take their application seriously and they may have had something else come up. I prefer the direct approach. Just tell me “no.” I have great respect for women who can stand firmly in their knowing and in their “no.” But usually, people avoid saying “no” because they think it will hurt the other person.

Avoidant people almost always manage to partner with someone who is the opposite of avoidant. Avoidance will generally mean that you will not get your needs met or feel seen and heard in a relationship, because it ultimately will require others to read your mind or figure out what is going on without you telling them. That puts a lot of responsibility on others for you getting your needs met. And they might not see what you need them to see.This is a set-up for all involved.

People develop patterns of avoidance for a whole variety of reasons.

Avoidance comes from:

  1. Protection from abuse. An emotionally overbearing or violent parent/home situation that you need to protect yourself from.
  2. Insecurity. Deep insecurity that tells you if you make yourself really small, no one will notice you and you’ll skate under the radar (again, to “safety”).
  3. Communication ability. You didn’t learn communication skills that would have you learn how to ask for what you need and want in a healthy way.
  4. Unmet needs. Not getting your needs met and feeling you perpetually will not get them met; so you cease asking, which turns into avoiding asking because the “no” you got over and over was so painful.
  5. Gender role conditioning. Gender roles that teach men to dodge and not directly address feelings. Gender roles that teach women they should take care of everyone else and forsake their own needs.
  6. Role modeling. You were taught not to complain, “rock the boat,” or make demands; and at least one of your parents is also avoidant and modeled that behavior for you.

Typically, a truly avoidant person will have several of these. For instance, you could have a violent father and an avoidant mother and your needs rarely got met. “No” was a mantra in your family. Or you had traditional gender roles in your family and your mother was care-taker to everyone and didn’t get her needs met so you learned that too, and maybe she was also incredibly insecure; and you took on the same insecurity and need to care-take everyone else so that you could feel worthy of even having a seat at the table.

Avoidance in Adult Relationships

 

You learned your avoidance patterns in an honest way in a home life where you had unmet needs, felt unseen or uncared for, or were conditioned not to rock the boat. Is that serving you in your adult relationships? I think it’s rare that consistent avoidance is healthy.

Avoidance can be healthy as a survival technique. It helps you get out of harm’s way. As a way of being in adult relationships it will land you in unhealthy dynamics, with unmet needs and increasing resentment.

How Avoidance Shows Up

 

There are so many ways avoidance shows up in relationships. Here are some common ways it can show up in a romantic/sexual relationship and typical alternative behaviors:

  • Not setting boundaries and then passive-aggressively expressing them another way. (Or not at all, resulting in a build-up of frustration and resentment.)
  • Not wanting to have sex but being afraid to say it so you do things to sabotage sex rather than just to talk about it openly knowing your “yes” and your “no” will both be heard and respected.
  • Wanting sex but not asking for it directly, so you find indirect or passive-aggressive ways to get your sexual needs met.
  • Wanting a different kind of sex, stimulation, touch, or emotional presence from your partner without being able to ask for it, resulting in disappointment and frustration.
  • Not feeling like you can set limits or help direct the pace of sexual interactions, exploration, or terrain.
  • Not knowing how to break-up when you are ready so you sabotage the relationship in other ways or stay in it way too long.
  • Doing things you really are not into just to make your partner happy.
  • Keeping yourself, your needs, your wants and your demands small, if not invisible, which completely disempowers you in a relationship.

If you recognize these avoidant patterns in yourself, it’s time to change them. It is not a simple task because you probably have a life-long pattern to overcome. But it is absolutely possible. I’ve watched women transform how they show up in relationships by addressing their avoidance, people-pleasing, passive-aggression and inability to communicate. Should you answer the call to take up more space, make more demands, and know that you have that right, it will absolutely change your life and your relationships. You will be able to fulfill your own desires and find people who are with you in that fulfillment.Avoidance will never equal fulfillment.

Article By Amy JoGoddard

DOUBLE PENETRATION: A PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT by Janet Kira Lessin

tantricloveWhen you experience, as I did, two or more of your male poly lovers simultaneous entering you in tantric oneness, you open your inner stargate, touch the face of  God and remember your source. As you embrace two or even three magic wands, the  lingams (as we call penises) with your most sensitive inner sensual shrines, you  feel ecstasy, get total personal and transpersonal recall. You drop concepts of  physics, science and religion and instead zoom, as your multidimensional self,  through space and time. You and the beloveds entering you merge with divinity,  source of all inchoate forms. Home, you experience everything everyone told you  as illusion and, at the same time, truth.

.

I had my double penetration satori the third night at a month-long love-in Sasha  and I hosted for nine lovers (five women and four men) on Maui. We’d filled half  our spacious living room with colorfully-covered mattresses. Two of the women  were new to us, but we’d vetted them carefully and knew we’d go deep with them.

.

Awkward at first, all nine of us eased into nude housekeeping and, by the third  evening, lovemaking.

.

Up to that third evening together, I’d shared some tantric breath, fondling,  kissing and genital honoring with some, but I mostly made passionate love with  Sash. We nine morphed from one kamasutra-like sexual configuration to the next.

. As Sasha lay on his back, I lowered myself onto his wand. We held each other’s gaze, then tongue-kissed; our tongues stroked sacred erotic sectors in each  other’s mouths.

.

As I opened my cave and took him inside, hugging his wand with my yoni (vagina),  I again got who Sash and I truly are: ancient lovers in modern form. I saw, in  the mirror, my tiny, porcelain-like body draped over his deeply tanned athletic  form.

.

As we moved our pelvises in our eternal rhythm, Sash delicately tapped, then probed my rosebud (as we call the anal opening) with his finger, preparing me  for delights to come. My amrita (female ejaculate) flowed and we sang out in  the rising momentum of our lovemaking.

.

Then new hands, not Sasha’s, reverently caressed my bottom. I turned and saw  Woody–our beautiful slender, blond, long-time lover ask me with his eyes to  join us. “Yes, please,” I invited.

.

double-vaginal-penetration-1_1I leaned forward, breasts against Sasha’s chest. Woody, from behind me, eased  his wand to where Sasha and I joined genitals. I opened  my amrita-lubricated  yoni to let Woody’s wand snuggle in, a millimeter at a time, next to Sasha’s  Both lingams fully inside, I squeezed my pc muscles on them and they both  swelled within me. I felt the electricity of Woody’s and Sasha’s wands against each other as both gradually expanded deeper into me. I quivered as waves of  bliss radiated from my yoni where my guys’ penises pulsed. Waves of bliss  became a continuously pulse of pleasure for all three of us as Sasha and Woody’s penises reached my A- spot, the erogenous area next to my cervix. The  three of us lost our separate self-senses, experienced triadic consciousness.

,

I’d heard that some sages achieve pure grace, but never believed I could while  alive. But here I was in continuous euphoric bliss, one unending Oneness.

.

Allness engulfed not only Sash, Woody and me, but also the others on our giant  mattress. All nine of us shared this divine space and joined our sacred worship  of the magnificence of the Universe. I felt the cosmos open. Floor, walls,  ceiling, all physical things dissolved. We nine shed the time/space continuum  and stood in the stars. The void embraced us, absorbed us in the magnificence of creation and simultaneous stillness. Even the solar winds paused to hear the  divine prayer in the form of our loving congress. All that there is, was and  will be witnessed us as we reunited with Source. I was the orgasm, the  orgiastic energy, the divine spark that created us all.

.

You too can use group synergy, tantric lovemaking, polyamorous merging and  multiple penetration to achieve the state of pure Sex Magick necessary to take  women to this divine state needed to heal the world. With the intention of pure  love and respect for life and all consciousness, we can shift the Morphogenic  Field and create higher love and light. Together we stop war, pollution,  overpopulation, disease and hunger. Our natural state is loving oneness.

.

Multiple loving allows us to feel oneness and is instrumental in providing Earth  and all her peoples a civilized civilization that respects all life. Through  our love, we give every one of us the peace, love, dignity and grace we deserve.

.

****.

Excerpt from Janet’s book: POLYAMORY, MANY LOVES: The Poly-Tantric Lifestyle