Shaky Knee’s and Stairs.
These two things do not get along well.
And yest they are a match made in heaven.
Looking down from the second floor stairs,
Looking at that first step,
feeling my knee’s tremble at the core.
The energy pulsing from my core.
The cool night breeze, brushing up against my cheek as I took a deep breath in.
My lover behind me.
My knee’s, shaking from the hours upon hours of pleasure.
Quivering from the core.
There is this fullness,
This feeling of alignment,
yet fear still resides here.
I can feel it being shaken loose.
That first step,
seeming so far away.
The uncertain feeling of can I make it?
The knowing that it is one of many to follow.
I am tired.
I am so tired.
I am turned on .
So turned on.
I want more.
So much more.
That first step.
Why is it so hard to land that first step.
To find the courage to JUST TAKE IT.
It’s lack of faith.
It’s lack of belief in my worthiness.
YET, I KNOW that I can land it.
There is this knowing that is deeper than the fear.
This knowing that wants to be known.
It wants to be REMEMBERED.
It is there begging for my attention.
Begging for me to STOP existing in the shadows of what I can be.
It is that quiet voice that is getting loud as the day’s pass.
Saying, “YES YOU CAN.”
But these knee’s…
These shaky knee’s.
They tremble at all that could happen.
They resist the wonders that could be born from the pleasure of saying YES to myself.
They resist the DESIRE that wants to JUST LET GO.
They tremble in fear that something may happen to this me that I know, as the me that I am to be EMERGES.
You would think that hours of pleasure would grant me the confidence to just land the step.
You would think that hours of embracing what I wanted, would give me the faith that I could take the step and KNOW I have it.
You would think that the surrender to success, the depth of orgasmic bliss that I said YES to would show me that this world is for the taking, it is for the embracing and it supports our TRUTH when we lean in, let go and get in flow.
But every moment, I have come to learn is a new moment.
And every moment carries hope and doubt.
It is up to me in this moment to DECIDE,
To CLAIM what I want to do with it.
It is up to me, and only me to TAKE THE STEP.
Will I let these shaky knee’s lock me up in fear?
Or will I let these shaky knee’s rattle out that fear as I step forward in FAITH?
Yes there are many steps before me.
There is risk,
But my lover is behind me.
His love carries me.
The step’s are suddenly not so steep.
The breeze, it brushes up against my cheek like a lover itself whispering his intentions in my ear.
The night sky, filled with his glory.
Like a lover filling me with his essence in climax.
There is a owl in the distance,
I hear it’s call of the night.
As if to say, “Listen to your soul, my child.”
And so I shall!
I shall LISTEN.
I shall TAKE THE STEP.
Here is my courage.
Here is my guidance.
Here, here in this moment of leaving my lovers embrace, I open to true surrender. True guidance.
My angels are around me.
It is TIME.
The feeling of saying YES, to one’s truth.
It is FREEDOM.
It is bliss.
It is the F*ck YES! Life.
Will you say YES?
Stop Existing & Start Living
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