It has been a VERY long day.
One where I have spent the entire day avoiding my hormones,
avoiding my desire to just scream,
and cry, and bitch about everything.
Originally, I was going to write about starting your day with orgasm, and how wonderful that is. I thought that would be a wonderful share as I had a great night of some good sexing and woke up this morning turned on and even masturbated.
So orgasm was strong in my body.
However, my day quickly turned gears.
I found myself battling for the space to just write in my daily journal for about 4 hours.
The distractions came from everyone in my life.
My period not helping me hold back my frustration.
I felt on edge ALL stinking day.
Keeping in mind the wise parenting advice that I have held near and dear for 23 years of being a mom,
So here I am at midnight,
after a day of picking my battles and getting distracted.
Here I am FINALLY writing this brief tid bit of rawness.
And what am I sharing on this evening?
I am sharing on an extremely important topic.
One that I believe is one of the BIGGEST issues in relationship today.
My day has been a day that was filled with it.
Multiple sources brought it to me.
I had to breathe through it many times today.
As I was focused on , “picking my battles.”
This though is an on going battle in my home and life and perhaps for you it may be in your’s as well.
I AM NOT AND CANNOT BE YOUR EVERYTHING.
Do you feel like your partner,
or any other relationship
needs to be your everything?
Maybe you are on the same side as me on this topic and you feel like you are being expected to be someone’s everything.
It’s f-cking exhausting isn’t it?
There is no freaking’ way that any of us can do this for another.
yet so often this is the issue in our relationships.
We get into a relationship with someone,
and we make them our everything.
we loose our individuality.
we stop going out alone or with others,
we dedicate our every breath to this other person,
and when they don’t reciprocate,
we wonder why we are not good enough, ‘or why they don’t care.
After all we have done so much for them,
why can’t they just see that and appreciate it?
why can’t they just let go of everything else in their world and make us their #1?
It’s always us getting hurt.
In steps our need to control.
We have to control this situation, or we will not feel loved,
We have to point to all those things that are taking our desired relationship away from us.
Making it hard for us to connect.
Making it hard for them to see us.
So we push a little harder.
We stomp our feet, slam doors, and act like we are three again.
We retract our love to show them what they are missing.
We wave our pissed off flag around,
hoping that they will notice,
But they just seem to carry on without us.
Or they cave and let our juvenile ways win for now.
So they say sweet things.
So they comfort us one more time,
putting our fears of loosing them to the side temporarily.
They turn right back around,
Like our pain was never there,
They go back out with those other people.
They laugh and enjoy life on their own,
They just keep moving through their day,
as though we are not here.
The sad truth in this tale is that the fear of loosing the relationship is most certainly going to happen when someone keeps pushing and suffocating another like this.
The truth is, that any relationship needs to be based in authentic desire to be in relationship with us.
It needs to be based on individuals who are not needy to the point of suffocating each other.
Have lives of their own, and come together to support and compliment each other in life.
If you are loosing yourself in a relationship.
if you are feeling needy to the point of jealousy.
If you are pissed off at the other individual for being just that, an individual.
If you are pissed off at the other individual for not making you their #1 in everything, or dropping other relationships for you.
Then you may be suffering from , ” Pull Your F-cking Head Out of Your Ass and Get a Life of Your F-cking Own Syndrome.”
This syndrome has some key symptoms:
* You cannot let the other person be alone without you for more than 10 minutes.
* You always make your opinion supportive to what the other’s is or might be.
*You try to hard to please the other person ALL THE TIME.
* You are fearful of being yourself or stating your truth to the other.
* You will change who you are to make sure you don’t loose the relationship.
* You get upset about the person having or doing things with others, even though you smile and tell them its okay.
* You cannot go and do much of anything without the other person, and you don’t want to.
This syndrome causes relationship breakup when you try to take over a non-codependent person’s life with it.
then this sort of syndrome makes you want to run the other direction.
Drop the person like a hot potato.
And count your blessings that you caught it in time.
In my personal opinion there is not much more unattractive then this syndrome.
If you are a person suffering from this syndrome,
It is time to put on your BIG KID panties and realize that healthy relationships DO NOT operate like this.
It is time for you sweet soul, to learn who you are.
Get right with JUST BEING YOU.
which means to have more than JUST ONE in your life.
We are human beings and we are built for community.
We need to get our needs met in many ways and by multiple sources ( people).
NO ONE CAN BE SOMEONE ELSE’S EVERYTHING!!!!
This is putting an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation on the relationship and on the person.
If you claim to care about the relationship
Then go get your shit in order.
and STOP EXPECTING anything from anyone.
ESPECIALLY THAT THEY ARE YOUR EVERYTHING.
And as always,