Proceed in Gratitude and Grace.

Capitol’s Log
One tequila.
Two tequila.
Three tequila.
Delete.
 
Yeppers that just happened.
So here I sit in Florida at the Casa Noble bar,
I spent the last hour writing an amazing share on travel,
on how it brings forth our authentic selves, ‘our authentic fears,
programs,
expectations and so much more.
I sat here, chatting with airport staff,
with travelers,
and my travel partner.
And I wrote a great article for you.
 
But you will never see it.
Nope this you will not.
Because of tequila.
and a accident with my fingers.
 
Thought I was copying when I was cutting.
Woops.
 
For a moment I was frustrated.
For a moment I was disappointed.
For a moment my ego held me.
It held me in it’s ego grip and it made me mad.
 
I felt stupid.
I felt like a mess up.
 
And then I breathed a little deeper into myself.
Into this moment,
and I laughed.
 
Realizing that accidents happen,
and all this happen for a reason.
 
I laughed it off.
And I went pee.
 
I got a break from my computer screen.
I took a break from what I thought I should be doing,
I took a break from the energetic demands that I had put on myself,
and I allowed myself to just breathe into the reality,
that it was okay.
 
Sure it was a good article.
It was a valuable share.
It was something that you would have liked.
And it was raw, real and from my heart.
It was my noticing’s.
And it was sharing how important travel is for our development as human beings.
 
It was revealing the truth on how travel show’s our truth, through the many issues that can happen when we travel.
 
How we deal with life as it emerges before us.
My noticing’s of fellow travelers,
their stress,
their drama,
their excitement.
 
And as I sit here at my layover to Jamaica,
I watch the people.
I watch all that they have to share with all those that they never will see again.
And those that they cherish.
I watch and I listen.
And what comes to play is our ego.
 
And funny enough,
as soon as I get done writing and get ready to post,
I have a mishap myself and delete my whole post.
 
OMFG!!!!
 
And what am I greeted by?
My ego.
Stepping up to the plate of life withing a 10th of a second.
Here I am.
Here I am to share my frustration.
My disappointment.
 
Here I am.
Don’t you want to merge with me?
Don’t you want to explore this faulse-hood that I want to paint for you?
If you had not drank that last tequila drink,
you would not have effed up.
If you had been more present,
you would have been on top of your game.
But no,
no, you effed up Kendal.
You hit the wrong button on your key pad and lost it all.
 
So do I let ego rule me?
Do I let it cause disappointment?
Do I let it sink it’s teeth into my moment?
 
F-ck NO!!!!!
 
It is moments just like this,
where the feeling of time lost,
moments lost,
shares lost,
disappointment,
frustration,
and whatever else might rise comes in that I am grateful for.
 
Gratitude for the experience of ego.
Gratitude for the presence to witness it.
To know that I have a choice.
Gratitude for the expansion if I so choose to allow it,
by not leaning in toward all that could mess up my day,
could make me feel bad about myself,
Gratitude that I give myself some grace.
In moments like this,
and many others,
that is what we need GRACE.
 
We are each but human,
and in our humanness,
we make mistakes,
we f-ck up left and right.
We hurt others,
we fumble the ball,
we delete masterpieces,
and we have a choice.
 
We have a choice to scold ourselves,
to blame and shame,
or to proceed in love and trust.
 
With gratitude and grace.
 
One tequila,
Two tequila,
Three tequila,
Delete.
 
Yes.
These are the moments that meet ourselves.
How do we react?
How do we choose to proceed?
How quickly can we bound back from our mistakes?
 
Ego,
will grab a hold of us if we let it.
It will rule us and shame us.
It will have us believe that being human is evil and a sin just for breathing,
but it is always our choice as to what we choose to do with our experiences.
 
It is our choice,
to lean into ego’s arms,
or into the love and compassion,
the grace of God and our souls.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
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