This year is so different then any other for my family and myself, It is hard for me to comprehend even that I don’t have to make a turkey or sides and there is no fancy themed menu planning. Instead I am blessed this year with my beautiful daughter and her man who are hosting and taking care of all of us plus his family. Looking in from the window of experience and life into their world I find myself smiling often at the lessons and experiences that they go through as a young couple. I see the fears, the trauma, the healing, the joy and the hopefulness. I see the self imposed restrictions and the child like awe. It is a beautiful thing to watch and to support.
2015 has been a year that has me counting many blessings. There has been a massive amount of growth for myself, my lovers, my children, my clients and friends. It is a daily event (designed that way BTW, because keeping gratitude at the fore front of our life is a practice that keeps us drawing in more things to be grateful for) for me to run through my list of joy and gratitude. I recall the years gone by that I use to not do this fundamental practice of bliss. Back then I lead a life of misery, pain, suffering, depression, fear, anxiety and just shear blahhhh. Until about 7 years ago now, I discovered the magic of gratitude. I decided that maybe if I turned my focus on the things that were a blessing and really did start counting them that I would at the very least be reminded that there was always something positive in life, no matter how hard the storm clouds hit. SO there I was, a stay at home mother of 5 children, our house had been foreclosed on, my husband was jobless and lost on his path, we were fighting and drinking to much, the light in our eyes and in our children’s was becoming dimmer by the second. Ego was running a muck and on top of it if and when we had sex it was slam bam with no thank you mam but instead the development of a yeast infection, bladder infection or worse the Chrone’s that I had taken on would flare up. Living like this made me internally angry at life. I blamed everyone and everything. Feeling like I was never good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. I had myself convinced that I was a piss poor mother and my kids would be better off with someone else. I looked in the mirror and wanted to scream. I hated my reflection. I would actually vocalize my hate to myself by picking on the fine lines I saw, the flabby tummy, the grey hair I would find, the sadness in my eyes, the little crookedness to my lips or the fact that my eye’s are not perfectly the same. Anything that was human I hated on.
The more I hated on my humanness the deeper into the turbulence and depression I crept. It was not until I flipped the the switch and started to appreciate and like even love my humanness AKA myself ,that I found the courage and strength to take care of myself and do the things that were required for me to support the life that I desired at my core.
Once I did this life became more vibrant. But how did I flip the switch?
That is all I did! I started to find things on a daily scale to be thankful for. At first I looked outward and found my thankfulness in my children’s health, in the fact that I did have a roof even if temporary over my head, I had food on the table, I had clothes to wear and my favorite one then and now still is I have opportunity. From there I slowly played with gratitude for things about myself such as I love reading. I am a good cook, and so on and so forth. The list grew until one day I was telling myself that I was a goddess and I was blessed with love and joy. Today my daily gratitudes still have my children’s health and the roof over my head, the air in my lungs, my cozy down feather comforter and pillows but they also include my dynamic relationships, orgasmic sex, full of soul love affairs and empowered clients. Today I look out and I see more opportunity then not and I see a life that manifests luck and a state of bliss instead of suffering and shut down. And here are the incredible things that I have noticed on a physical level from focusing on counting my blessings:
I am stronger and more of life
So on this day of gratitude in the USA take a moment to not just have outward gratitude for the men and women who have fought and given their lives but for the man or woman who is staring back at you in the mirror and accepts the challenge of courageously facing fears, opening up their love center and exploring this glorious thing called life. If you feel like this is not you then all the more reason to pause and analyze the TRUTH.
If you chose to open your eye’s this morning and put your feet on the floor, if you chose to breathe in the air of this morning and take a step forward (even if that was toward the bathroom) then you are showing great courage and willingness to embrace risk and challenges. This life of ours has no guarantee’s. We are offered no more then we are willing to put forth and to give.
Today allow yourself to be gentle with yourself, realize that you are plagued with this disease that everyone else on the planet has as well, HUMANNESS.
And Gosh Dang It, Its a pretty fucking awesome disease too!
Happy Thanksgiving and TODAY start your path with this commitment:
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It.