My Lessons Did Not Start Here.

Lessons from today. 
For every day and all of life. 
I look at today like any day,
as a day filled with lessons. 
I ask myself in moments that I struggled what I would want myself to learn had I been the one to give this challenge as a lesson. 
I looked deep into the souls of those I shared time and space with and desired more connection. 
I listened to those that touch my heart, 
as they spoke and my heart yearned to hear more.

Yes the lessons of today.

My lessons have never ended. 
Just like yours. 
They did not randomly just pick up at 1-am this morning when I woke to my four year old son having a nightmare, calling for me. 
As I realized that I had fallen asleep in the arms of a lover on my couch in front of a raging fire.

No they did not start there.

They did not start as I came to the realization that I had so much I wanted to share with this man, 
what my heart was feeling,
or what I wanted to stand in integrity with before him, 
but lost to sleep.

No they did not start here.

They did not start as I felt like opportunity for a perfect communication moment, 
a heart to heart had been escaped without a desire to escape it. The comfort of spirit sharing with me as I looked at the clock and saw 2:22 am. ( All is as it should be).

Snuggling between my youngest two. 
Connected, close and nurturing. 
Sleeping with moments of being shook awake from the fear of what I could not see. 
My babies scared of lands that only they would travel.

The reality that I can only do so much. 
I can only hold space and love.

No they did not start here.

They did not start when I looked at my morning texts and saw beauty in words shared. 
The claiming of one that I am his queen. 
The claiming of another his love.

No they did not start here.

They did not start as I drove my kindergartner to school and he exclaimed, ” Madriella’s (that’s what my boys call me), I am always so excited to make money. Getting money is fun!” and I shared that he should never loose that feeling, that that is how we keep money flowing to us.

No they did not start here. 
They did not start as I sat with my client, looking into his eye’s and looking directly into his intrigued little boy, the part of him that was scared, excited and so open to grow. As I realized that he hungered for love, he desired to set down his fears and shame, 
and JUST BE.

They did not start when I eye gazed naked with another. Revealing all of ourselves, holding sacred space, with no need for anything more. This moment, this moment that we allowed ourselves to JUST BE, and to see deep into soul. Where we had no thought. We had no intent. We just escaped into nothing.

It was not any of these moments that were the start. 
It was not the witnessing of my kindergartner getting his first awards, his pride that shone so bright, that we adults hide from as to not be seen in ill light of loving ourselves too much.

It was not the moments when I watched my ex try and connect to our youngest, only to be shunned and pushed away. Witnessing my sons anger. Witnessing my ex’s pain. My ego laughed, my heart hurt. Although not my lesson, it is still the same.

It was not the sweet moments spent, watching my children light up at a surprise treat of ice cream or running and screaming without thought at the park. Arms open wide, hearts filled with joy, laughter turning to a fist fight between brothers.

What could the lesson be?
But what it always is, 
and always will be, 
a lesson to JUST BE.

No it did not start here or anywhere in today, 
or yesterday. It is a lesson that keeps on ticking along, 
with every breath my soul takes in this body.

The lesson of just being, 
being free, 
being true, 
being in the moment.

Not judging but observing. 
Not thinking but accepting. 
Not hindering but opening.

Yes these are the moments, 
the moments that we are called to enjoy. 
The moments that we often miss.

We even try to escape them, 
because to JUST BE is among the most difficult of tasks God has given to each of us. 
To be and to receive?
How can this be what we are meant to do?

Our lessons are many. 
And each day holds a ton. 
But our lessons always come back to love.

And the LOVE of self should never be forgotten, 
for it is the one thing that will heal us. 
It is the one thing that will unit us to the divine.
And THRIVE we shall as we BECOME.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

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