I Love This Man

I LOVE THIS MAN.
2020 has been a stormy year.
It has been that way for so many of us.
Bringing forth our truth,
our hearts desires, and our fears.
We have walked through the year barring as much courage as each of us could handle, wanting for so much more beauty, searching for the light at the end of this tunnel,
and here we are at the close of this year,
asking ourselves,
“What is waiting in the wake of 2021?”
For me as many of you know,
My year has been filled with untold beauty.
I never allowed the shut downs and quarantines to prevent me from living out loud and enjoying my incredible family, nor did I let it stop me from traveling or sharing new experiences outside of my own backyard with my children and friends.
I connected deeper in so many ways with my clients over the course of this twelve months,
witnessing them as they explored possibilities, found faith in their talents and personal power and discovered their truth as individuals and couples.
I have certainly nothing to complain about health wise,
2020 has potentially been one of my healthies years ever. I think the only thing that got me down was a bad beet juice I ordered one day… ( and I am still having issues coming back to beet even now, but maybe I can venture out and try drinking one in 2021 again. – IDK)
On a very personal note however,
2020 brought with it some surreal moments that I never thought I would experience and yet feel blessed to have walked through.
I am still learning the lessons from these experiences I am sure.
Although, these lessons seem to bear with them the bitter sweet feel that is hard to swallow at times.
My grandson, at 18 months was discovered suddenly to have a rare heart defect and had to have open heart surgery. From which he has spent the last few months in ICU, surviving two strokes and having the cardio team come to the conclusion that he needs a new heart ASAP… one moment a happy, healthy toddler. His precious sweet morning hugs to mimi (me), seeing him daily and enjoying those brief moments, suddenly within moments gone.
Now, sitting on the edge of my seat every time I see my daughters beautiful face pop up calling me on my phone.
What does the next moment hold?
Breathtaking, shocking and I still cannot believe that it is happening. That this is part of our family storyline.
And even in the midst of this,
I feel blessed.
I feel a great love.
I feel a holding from life.
For me.
For my children and grandson.
I can see the perfection as I look back through the moments that led up to the discovery and with each passing day.
Flipping to my personal intimate life,
again surreal moments of shock and disbelief.
A witnessing of how we all cope differently and how we try and hold on to what should no longer be out of fear of loss,
fear of of rejection and a need to try and control events, people, life.
Here 2020 brought with it a closure to a three-year relationship.
What was a beautiful relationship,
but was one that no longer vibed with each of us.
Through the end of this year, I have witnessed my ex stepping away from his soul and acting out of rage, fear and ego. I have found myself again stunned by the witnessing of how we humans believe that we are acting out of love when in truth it is the farthest thing from love, hoping for what? To be understood? To feel right? To gain closure? Instead of loving ourselves and the time spent and allowing for life to do what life always does…
Move on.
There have been many more little events,
both beautiful and painful that 2020 has brought forth to its end.
I have come to terms with it being a year of massive truth finding in self, in relationships and direction of life itself.
Breathless in its lessons offered,
I stand here just a little over a day away from its turn,
the most stunned and speechless over the love that 2020 has revealed to me.
The support.
The connection.
The beauty and the soul entwinement.
As I look over the last quarter,
I see how everything has had to happen.
As I look over the last year plus,
I see the connective fibers and the release points in the stitching of what was,
all bringing into light what was needed.
What was intended.
What would be that next journey.
And I find myself,
here at the precipice of the next great adventure.
The adventure is a love that I have wanted for.
A connection that I have desired.
And a life shared authentically, beautifully, fully.
Not just because that is what we humans crave for and go searching for.
Grabbing hold of relationship after relationship in hopes of “this” being the one,
but instead because NOW I am ready for it and I KNOW that I am.
Now I am ready to embrace myself at levels that I was not available to in years past.
I am reminded in 2020,
that it is always darkest before the sunrise.
2020 in many ways has been that darkness.
And even though there are more moments left to learn from till the sun rises I can feel the turn of this journey.
I can sense in the darkness the light that is emerging,
the depth of the love being revealed daily,
and how without the darkness,
the light would not be revealed with such breathtaking beauty.
I share this with you sweet follower this evening,
in hopes that you too can witness how everything that life has brought forth in the tribulations and trials of your past,
has in truth brought with it a beauty that you would never have wagered on.
Because of those past moments that brought suffering, fear, anxiety and doubt,
you were asked to have great strength and courage.
You were required to step forth firmly into your power,
and you found a connection where you most likely never thought it would be.
The truth of relationships,
of what your heart longed for and what you truly desire and need would never have been fully realized without the onslaught of what felt like overwhelm and loss.
In our disorientation,
we often find ourselves.
But that is only true for those of us who choose to stand witness to life and go within.
Calling on our greatest power.
Our SOUL.
I LOVE THIS MAN.
for the breathless moments shared in the rockiest times of me finding my footing.
For doing his own inner work and embracing his soul.
And for following the guidance of his soul,
to the deepest connection and reveal.
I love this man for the light that he has made me witness in myself through the consistent calling out of my truth.
I love this man for showing up in the darkness and pointing out the surise we shall watch together.
To each of you out there looking for love, peace, joy, a feeling of belonging…
None of these things truly reside anywhere outside ourselves,
and they cannot be revealed to us until we take the great journey within.
The journey of loving thyself.
Here at the close of 2020 I pray that you embrace that truth and make it your mission for the coming year,
to open to the sunrise that awaits your life,
and loving each moment of the darkness for what it brings forth in you.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Lets start 2021 off with a F-ck Yes!
Want to learn the secrets of discovering how our darkest hours can reveal our brightest lives? Reach out to me now.

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