Or so the saying goes.
The past month of my life has forced me to step into a fury that I did not know existed to the level that it does. One event opening up the wounds to another. And that event opening up the wounds to another and another and another.
At first I sat with the events after they happened and was simply shocked.
Bewildered and lost.
Then I shut myself to the emotions that were coming up.
Then I opened.
Then I shut myself down again because under the emotions and the physical sensations of pain, fear and worry,
I discovered something much darker.
The darkness of a ghost that had been lingering in my midst for my life.
The darkness of a fear that I had been dancing with forever.
The darkness of my heart.
I found myself dancing with the feeling of being a victim and not wanting to be one, yet not being able escape the reality of what had happened and the knowing that in this moment, in this timeline, I was a
I hate the word victim.
I don’t believe in being a victim.
I believe that no matter the situation that we are all spiritual volunteers here playing out our lessons in life. Expanding and evolving.
Evolving through pain.
Evolving through love.
Yet still evolving.
So to sit with the reality that I was a victim in this moment was something that hurt me to a point of rage in my emotions.
I am not a victim.
I am a strong mother F*cking Goddess!
I am the co-creator of my world.
I am a f*cking manifestor that creates her world with power, certainty and direction through my heart and by the guidance of God and my soul link.
I am not a victim damn it.
But yet, here I sit with the reality that in this part of my current time line,
at very least I am just that ,
that I do not prescribe too.
And f*ck it hurts and is scary and shit to admit that yes,
I too could be feeling this fear.
Feeling this loss of the life that I new.
Feeling the uncertainty of the steps that I must take.
Yes, here I am, still feeling like somehow I deserved this.
I made it happen.
If I had not only done this or that.
Then surly things would not have escalated to the level that they did and I would not be physically hurt and broken.
That I would not be emotionally worn out and lost.
That my faith and trust in relationship would still be strong.
That what I believed or thought I knew as truth would still remain in tact and that my world would remain all that it had potential of being.
Yes certainly I must be at fault for all that has occurred.
Yes certainly I must have been the culprit of this disaster.
I was not good enough.
I was too much.
I wanted to much.
I cared to deep.
I spoke to much of my truth.
I should have coward in the face of the danger instead of standing to face it.
I should have just shut up and got in my place.
I am just a woman.
Who am I to think anything other than the reality that I am just a woman.
It is a man’s world.
He’s the boss.
It is his house.
His right to command.
To command me.
To command how things go.
To command my actions.
If I had just not spoke.
If I had just not inquired.
If I had just not followed.
If I had just let it be.
If I had just been a good woman,
and did what I was told.
“You will STOP!”
He wanted me to stop,
he wanted me to be quiet,
he wanted me to not inquire,
speak my truth,
stand up for my child,
He wanted me gone.
He wanted me deleted from his life.
He wanted me to STOP.
If I had just listened.
I am not a victim.
I am a mother F*cking Goddess!!!!
Goddesses are not commanded to STOP.
To not speak their hearts.
To break in the face of danger.
To run in the face of danger.
To feel shame about their humanness,
who they are or anything else.
Goddesses do not abandon their children when danger is present.
Goddesses do not fear the outcome.
They command the outcome.
The outcome is one that is ALWAYS one,
one that in the long run supports the beauty,
the soul, the power of God that moves through each of us.
He fell in love with the Goddess,
but he wanted to tame her.
He wanted to own her.
He wanted to control her.
To shut her up and be her ruler.
Goddesses only have one ruler.
The Great Divine.
Creator of All.
That is the only ruler of a Goddess.
And we are lead by our hearts.
Those hearts lead us to follow when we see our lover is in pain.
When we see our child is hurt.
When we know we are not being heard, seen or felt,
Those hearts lead us to speak up not become quiet.
And certainly not become quiet because we are commanded too.
Hell hath no fury like a Goddess scorned.
That is how the statement should go.
he is the lucky one.
He scorned a Goddess,
a woman who know’s who she is,
who is not afraid to speak out,
to be vulnerable,
to forgive but not forget,
he is the lucky one.
Because in his actions she FINALLY witnessed his truth.
And he may not be strong enough to see it but she is.
She see’s his pain,
his lack of truth,
his lies not just to her,
but to himself.
She see’s how deeply he is hurting,
his feeling of not being worthy,
his discomfort with integrity.
She see’s his shame and how he hopes to shame her.
She see’s him.
She see’s herself.
I am not a victim.
I am a F*cking Goddess.
No matter what the experience, I KNOW that God has my back.
No matter what the result I know that I am the co-creator of my reality.
No matter what the feelings, or the physical challenges that are upon me, I know that I
People come into our lives.
They serve their purpose as we do in theirs.
We often feel betrayed, hurt, scorned and victimized.
This is all part of our path.
But even in evolution we get to choose,
choose our reactions,
which lead us to the next phase of our own personal reawakening.
We get to choose how we evolve.
Every action has a reaction.
We choose what those are.
We have conscious thought.
That conscious thought can trump our ego and our core beliefs if we want it to.
We can decided.
In this moment,
To love fully.
To heal quickly.
To not break.
To be vulnerable.
To be worthy.
To COMMAND our life to be the life that manifests our dreams.
I may be a victim in the essence of the physical and emotional abuse that I have experienced in the last short bit of time,
But I am NOT a victim to life.
I am a mother F*cking Goddess!!!
I may be scorned,
and scorned deeply from multiple sources,
But I am not a victim,
because I KNOW
I know I get to choose my outcome.
I know that God has my back.
And I surrender my heart to that.
What do you choose?
Stop Existing & Start Living
Are you a woman that feel’s scorned? Hurt? Scared to step into her Mother F*cking Goddess Power?