God Bless My Ego.

It is one of those days.
One of those days where I find myself wrapped in a cover of doubt. Fear. Overwhelm. Exhaustion.

Uncertainty knocking at my door,
Screaming at me that I will fail.

Screaming at me that there is no f*cking way that I can do this.
Can have this.
Can be this.

My ego parading around in my head taking front row center stage, announcing its victory of kicking me while it perceives I should be down.

It woke me numerous times last night to tell me how shitty I was. To share with me its concerns and fears. To announce to me how everything that I wanted I could not have and how I was not good enough to have it.

My ego.
God bless my ego.

Standing in the shower just moments ago, I found myself being taken on another ego trip.

Feeling like I was scrooge being drug through my life of what had happened, what was happening and what would be.

My ego painted nothing but the most gloomy of pictures.
Assuring me that this was sure to happen.

Telling me that my life would NEVER be what I wanted.
I was for certain not to be HAPPY.
Not to find true LOVE.
Not to HEAL.
Physically or emotionally.
Not to LIVE UNBOUND, full and free.
Telling me that the F*ck Yes! Life that I prescribe too,
PREACH about,
and have been living,
was all a figment of my imagination.

My ego.
God Bless my ego.

Yes it shared with me that ADVENTURE was gone for this lifetime. Only work, work, and more work was in my future.

Yes it shared with me that PLAY was not to be had. Instead it is time to put on my BIG GIRL pants and get serious and STOP desiring play, fun, joy, and bliss.

Yes it shared with me that LOVE was nothing to desire. It does not exist. No one will ever love me. Will ever honor me. Will ever hold space for me. Will ever see me. No, this man does not exist. My SOUL MATCH does not exist. He is a figment of my imagination. I will have to just SETTLE for meeting fragments of him in other men and make due with what I get.

Yes my ego shared that I was stupid.
That I was unhealthy.
That my body now was f*cked up and ugly.
That I looked old, tired, worn out and should just settle for the reality that my light had been squished.

My wings clipped.
Yes it shared that my words, my truth, my message was unwanted and not needed. That it to was stupid, not good enough and silly.

My ego. 
God Bless my ego.

This morning my ego has had a Raging Dance Party in my psyche.

It has been shacking its booty in my face,
Rubbing itself up and down my sides like a horny, drunk person.
It has been pointing its fingers and laughing at my dreams and desires.
It has been taunting me, seducing me and scaring me.

It has been lude, crude and tempting.
It makes its case like the best attorney in court.
Showing evidence of my lack of worthiness.
My lack of FAITH.

Showing me how BAD I have been in life and how I deserve to FAIL.

Yes, my ego.
God Bless my ego.

And F*CK MY EGO!!!!

I watch it dance before me. I hear its serenade.

The reality.
MY REALITY.

Is that a life of EGO is NO LIFE AT ALL.

I know the wolf that is underneath that cloak.
It hungers for my life.
It craves to steal my breath.
It craves to steal my LIGHT.
It tells me my wings are clipped when in FACT my wings are stretched out so far I cannot see their tips.
It tells me I cannot FLY.
That God will not carry me.

My SOUL KNOWS different.
My HEART is CERTAIN of different.

I do not have to look far to SEE the TRUTH.
My TRUTH.

My TRUTH, that is all around me.
Comes through my words.
Through my messages.
Through my energy.
Through the light in my eye’s.

My TRUTH,
that comes through the messages that my TRIBE shares with me.
The vulnerability of not just my expression but that of those I connect with, share with and hold space for.

Yes, my truth.
God Bless my truth.

I will NEVER STOP.
DREAMING.
SHARING.
LIVING.
BELIEVING.

I will NEVER STOP.
LOVING.
OFFERING.
OPENING.
BEING ME.

The ego will try and strip us of our life.
It will try and scare us into submission.
It has tactics that make us feel like we should do this or that.
It will tell us how to be a good person.
It will tell us this is what God wants from you.
It will make us prideful and strip us of our pride all in the same sentence.

None of which is coming from God or our soul.

No.
F*ck the EGO and it’s satanic ways of making us fear LIVING.

F*ck the EGO for attempting to steal our lives and dreams.

Our desires.
Our TRUTH.

I don’t know about you,
But I can tell you that I for one REFUSE to let the EGO LIVE MY LIFE.

This life is mine to live.
This breath is mine to breathe.
This heart is mine to share.

I am Claiming My Life.
Will You Claim Your’s?

Remember,
Stop Existing – Start Living

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