This is the question that I am batting around today.
I have answered it repeatedly.
I have answered it from a place of fear,
A place of strength and faith,
A place of courage,
A place of cockiness.
However the last few days as I pause in my life to see where I am,
To feel where I am going,
to take notice of my alignment or lack there of,
I find myself asking this question yet again.
If I knew I was limitless what would I do?
Who would I be?
What would I have?
Tapping into the reality of our limitless potential is one mother f-cking scary thing to do.
Just typing this here has my stomach in knots,
I feel the excitement. I feel the joy. I feel the fear, the worry.
I feel all my bullshit of I am NOT good enough coming up.
But most of all I feel myself craving it.
Yes the last few days I have been blessed with God bringing to me my calling at a deeper level than before. People dance into my life and bring messages of what I am to be doing, whom I am suppose to wo with, what my soul message is.
The message of soul is calling so loud these days it is difficult for me to hear anything else.
The issue with soul screaming at me is my own lack of worthiness.
You know that feeling.
You want it but you don’t deserve it.
You want it but your not smart enough,
good looking enough,
You are not a good enough person.
Who are you to believe that you could ever have that or be that.
Yes those feelings.
All stemming back to putting on BIG shoes that you do not feel you can fill properly.
You may be saying, ” Kendal, I am not cut out for these shoe’s. – I am not a leader. I am just a person, an average person who has no message to change the world. “
Well, if this is true then you are most likely one f-cking happy person.
You have no pressure from soul to question your reality.
You have no inclination to want for more or be more.
You are feeling comfortable, at peace and love with your chosen career, your chosen world, your chosen relationships and everything. Life is just glorious and you couldn’t ask for more.
If that is the case, then CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
We are all happy for you.
However, I am betting that this is not the case or you would not be following me or reading this right now.
You want more.
You know that more is out there.
You are being called in some fashion to be more.
To stand out and do something.
Something that scares the living sh*t out of you.
I am there with you.
I sat down today and wrote out my manifestations, I did my daily call in of blessing and I then turned and did some inner work from my mentor. I FINALLY grew the balls to answer some journal prompts she gave me in May that I had been avoiding out of the fear of my own success.
I just let my hands write whatever came to them and I felt so much fear rise up in me that I had tears come down my cheeks. My heart started vibrating, my intestines started to churn and felt like I needed to do anything else that would not be this work. I wanted to avoid my truth.
I sat there at my breakfast table and got REAL with myself.
Girl you are scared of your greatness.
You are fearful of your power.
You are holding back based on fear.
Fear of looking a certain way.
Fear of appearing too much.
Fear of appearing cocky and self-centered.
Fear of loosing relationships in your life.
Fear of not having enough energy, time or knowledge.
Yes I am holding my f-cking self back.
That was my wake up call this morning at 10-AM.
Well F-CK this SH*T!
If I continue to hold back based on my fear then and ONLY then do I not deserve to have the blessings pour down on me.
Then and only then am I accepting failure.
God know’s what he is doing.
He is the Alpha and the Omega.
He is the beginning and the end.
He is everywhere and everything.
So this calling inside my soul is there because God put it there.
All I have to do is have faith and get into my mother f_cking alignment.
Just allow myself the GREATNESS.
Stop fearing that karma will bite me in the ass if I appear someway that I have been taught is not socially acceptable.
Stop fearing that the people I love and cherish will abandon ship when I get this boat a rockin’.
Stop fearing that I am not limitless but instead crazy.
At my core I know that if I want to see my crazy, well I need not look any further than my fear.
And what I am fearing ultimately?
I am fearing my greatness.
I am fearing my alignment with God.
Taking that leap into the unknown of alignment means that I must open up to HAVING IT ALL.
And who am I to believe that I can have it all?
After all, I have f-cked up so much in my life.
I am far from a perfect person.
I am no saint.
I am just a mom, just a woman, just human.
There is nothing GREAT about me.
Or so I have been told to believe for years from society.
Funny fact is that this “stuff” these sh*t beliefs have never fully been my reality.
God speaks to my heart daily.
I call in his presence daily with my gratitude prayers, with my written word, with my awareness of his messages and guidance in every breath I take.
I truly feel blessed and KNOW that God has my back.
It is ONLY when I doubt it that he seem’s to vanish from my life.
So why now do I hesitate?
Why now am I having issues with casting my desires out and commanding them with the spirit of Moses parting the red sea to manifest?
Why do I doubt?
Satan has a hold of my heart and he has his nasty nails in me. They speak to me from a place that is dark and scary.
They tell me that I will loose.
They confirm that I will be abandoned first by those I cherish, then by society, then by God himself and that I should just not step forward on this path.
Yes Satan is there whispering his terrifying messages in my ear.
Pressing in on what I have been told already and telling me that God will be disappointed in me if I shine to bright, because I am no body.
I am unimportant.
I am small.
I am not enough.
Fingers point to all my failures of the past.
And Satan sits there assuring me that he has my best interest at hand.
That the smartest thing to do is to cower and dim myself.
The world is not a safe place, so I must guard my heart and my light and keep it to myself.
Why do we listen to this sh*t?
Because we fear change.
Because we know the boat will rock and when we are through the transformation we will no longer be whom we were when we got started.
We fear loss of all that we have and are often willing to sacrifice all that we desire to maintain what we have.
We are often willing to sacrifice ourselves even to not loose what we feel so comfortable with in the hear and now.
Yes it is fear of nothing but shadow’s that stops us from living our desired life.
From being our full potential.
Which is LIMITLESS.
I say no to this fear every day.
I see it, I feel it, I witness it’s evil ways,
And I CHOOSE to keep claiming my life.
So f-ck off Satan.
F-ck off fear.
You have no power over me.
MY LIGHT WILL SHINE.
F-cking bright as hell too.
Embrace your light NOW!
Listen to that Call of Soul.
God want’s you to surrender to your blessings.
You are LIMITLESS.
If you will ONLY Believe.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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