I just want to say that our system is F-CKED!!!!
I mean seriously f-cked.
Today I write with a heart that is frustrated, upset and emotional.
Today my heart goes out to all those who have experienced or who know that abuse is happening and can do nothing about it.
The one’s who want to protect, but find their hands tied.
Yes I feel you.
I see you.
I know the troubled heart that you carry.
There is nothing worse then to witness abuse of any sort happening and be told you cannot do a damn thing about it.
To hear the cries.
To see the bruises.
and be told that its not real.
Sit down and brace yourselves.
I am going to share an intimacy from my day,
an intimacy that is not fun,
is not humorous,
and most certainly not just.
I have family that is being abused.
Three little boys,
age 2, 4 and 5 who are being physically abused,
sexually abused, starved, beaten, left with a known predator and their cries are IGNORED.
By their mother,
Attorneys just want money,
no care as to child well being.
Everyone who knows says, ” I don’t want to get involved.”
And so the abuse continues.
And so the trauma continues.
And these boys,
these boys now hide with their horror that their uncle brings to them each week.
Now they learn that it is okay,
“He is your uncle, we love him, he can do what he wants.”
Our system is F-CKED!!!!
And for those who think this could not happen in this day and age,
I promise you this is a true story.
This man who is doing this has a record,
it was before he was 18 years old so no one knows of it.
It is ignored.
As if by some miracle that when he turned 18 things would change his sick mental state of being.
His distorted hunger.
Who the f-ck plays “the penis game” with kids?
What sort of adult man,
or any adult for that matter,
takes little boys and bites their penis as a f-cking game?
It is rare that I find such disgust for anyone,
but today I sit here after such great hope that CPS would see the light with this being a third report,
sweep in and do something.
At least prevent further abuse till the judge could settle things between the parents,
They choose to disregard.
To claim there is no abuse.
That its crying wolf.
I guess bruises on a 5 year old’s penis and stories of uncle playing the penis game are normal.
I guess that the signs that the boys show of abuse are imagined.
I guess that the only thing that matters is what?
The attorney’s and the money.
The let’s avoid paperwork, its Thursday, too close to the weekend.
And then, you know what I know is that in 15, 20, 30, 40+ years from now, when these boys are men, that they will have so much inner work to do to heal.
They will have to work through idea’s of suicide,
murder, not knowing their sexual personality.
They will have to learn even more than the rest of us about love and what it is and what it is not. And hopefully will not follow down a path like their uncle.
We wonder where the predators come from.
We wonder why our youth has the hate crimes,
why abuse is climbing and not spoken about until it’s too late. We wonder why mental health states is tipsy, questionable. Suicide rates are high.
This is why people!
We choose to take the easier path on almost everything we do. No matter the harm that it may cause.
We choose to ignore.
We choose to hide.
We choose to NOT SPEAK OUT!
We choose to shut down.
We choose to not stand up for hose who cannot stand up for themselves, because it’s not our problem.
We choose to have misguided loyalty.
We choose to not do the freaking paperwork.
We choose to let lives be destroyed.
We have created a system that support the expansion of trauma.
And we think it’s great!
Because it’s not our kid.
It’s not our family.
It’s not US.
It’s not YOU.
And sure this topic today is one that is too effing close to my heart and daily life right now.
But I have clients that have lived through this abuse.
I work with men,
who spend a lifetime trying to overcome the damage that was caused by such events and worse.
The stories that I have heard from adults about their youth,
I cannot tell you how my heart goes out.
The crusade to save our children,
If we ever want a world that is peaceful,
healed to any level.
We need to look at all human rights.
And stop treating children like they have no f-cking rights,
like they are just good story tellers.
Sexual Abuse for our youth is more real than what any of us want to admit.
And our system is F-cked to a point that it is almost hopeless.
Because it’s not about the children.
It’s not about safety.
It’s not about rights.
It’s about money, bottom lines and keeping it easy on those who don’t care and are not being effected.
I believe that there is HOPE.
I believe that our WORDS matter.
Our VOICES need to be heard.
The children need a voice.
And their voice comes from YOUR awareness.
Hope is awakened by more adults doing the inner work that they need to do to not be fearful of speaking out, speaking up and standing up.
Our children would be safer if the VILLAGE protected them instead of ignored them.
Yes today’s message is one of a CALL to ACTION that if you know of abuse happening to not turn the other cheek, to not ignore. To not hide your f-cking head in the sand and disregard.
Your hiding will never save anyone, including yourself.
But your voice,
your voice could save multiple lives.
Will you STAND, SPEAK UP, SPEAK OUT?
Or will you continue to ignore?
It’s starts with you not ignoring your SOUL.
It starts with you eliminating your own SHAME.
It starts with you communicating your NEEDS.
It starts with you getting COMMITTED to YOU.
So pull that beautiful head out of the sand,
and let your voice be heard.
Your message felt.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living Not IGNORING!
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Imagine letting o of your fear,
letting go of your shame.
What would your life be like if you were working with a mentor that could help you level up your life and let go of all those things that no longer serve you?
What would you like to release? Let go of and create for your EMPOWERED Life?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching today.
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Average cost of a divorce: $15,000 to $30,000
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Average alimony support percentage of highest earning spouse: 30% of income for up to 50% of time of marriage
Saving your relationship and working through your shit: PRICELESS
Remember the old commercial?
Well I sure do.
And this topic is near and dear to me in recent times.
But more importantly,
It is a possible reality to many of my couples clients.
Or potential couples clients.
The sad truth is that quiet often people go looking for help.
They sit in my office,
Wrenching their hands together,
Butterflies in their stomach,
Wanting to be heard.
To be understood.
And to be given hope.
They look at their spouse,
And they hope that they too have a sincere desire to heal the wounds of years gone by.
They hope that their partner is feeling at ease and will be open to the possibilities of getting help.
Often, tears are shed in my office by one or both parties as they recognize the pain,
They see the situation of their marriage clearer,
And they feel the tingle of hope spreading its wings inside them.
There they sit.
They share intimacies within this safe container,
Baring their truths of bitterness, of loss of desire, of financial pains, of feeling left behind and under appreciated.
They share their sins.
From adultery to drug usage to porn and anger.
They share their longing.
Their longing to reconnect.
To love and be loved.
And so they walk away from me,
Feeling connection and understanding.
Feeling as if they can recover.
They feel HOPE.
It is inevitable my follow up email with all my recommendations and observations comes into their inbox.
It asks them for their,
Many stand up to the plate.
But many steer away in fear.
They lean on objections.
From price to time.
They say they need to wait.
They say they think they can do it on their own.
They say this
And they say that.
But none of it matters.
They CHOOSE to not commit
And thus they choose to remain in their suffering and in the harsh reality that separation most likely will knock soon at their door.
But they feel like they cannot change the outcome.
Because it just is.
So they settle into victim mode.
And they loose HOPE.
How much does it cost to sacrifice your HOPE?
How much is it worth to step into COMMITMENT ?
It is priceless.
Thats what it is.
On both sides it is PRICELESS.
The only question
I ask these souls who choose to say goodbye is,
Are you happy?
At the end of any decision.
You must ask yourself.
Are you happy?
Here you will learn your truth.
Here you will learn about your fear.
And if you made the right choice.
No one can answer this for any of us.
It is between us and soul.
And it is PRICELESS.
Stop Existing and Start Living
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Are you effing kidding me?
How can you do that to your body?
To your psyche?
To your everything?
I don’t effing get it.
I get it because I use to do it too.
I did it so much that I grew comfortable with it.
It just became part of my norm.
And I did not see the bitterness and resentment that it engraved into my life,
into my relationship,
until it was too late.
I thought it was just how it was.
And that it was “okay.”
After all life is about compromise, right?
We cannot always have things our way,
we have to find a space that neither side gets what it wants and both give in to something that is doable to make the results the best they can be.
So, this is what I thought I was doing.
And I was.
And you are too!
But you want in on a little secret?
Not a secret, actually,
just a reality that you may not want t o hear because you may feel disgusting after you fully digest it.
In these times like I share here,
which happens to be all too many times in our lives.
In all areas of our life as I have discovered.
You are raping yourself.
I just said that.
And I will say it again.
So happy f-cking Monday morn my peep’s!!!!
You are raping yourself.
You most likely are doing it right now.
Or you soon will be.
Or you will in a few hours or by the end of today.
Your raping yourself.
You are are bending over,
spreading yourself open,
saying “sure, that’s okay….yeah…yeah…let’s do this or that.”
You are believing that you have to do that in order to exist
You have to do it in order to keep peace,
in order to enjoy some rewards that you don’t believe you will have unless you give of yourself in this fashion.
You believe that if you were to say no.
To say I am not in the mood.
I am not turned on to this or that.
It does not feel good to me.
That actually hurts me.
I don’t like that at all.
I never get anything from this.
some other statement of your lack of interest in it,
that you would loose something.
You are afraid that you would have life shut you down in some way.
You are afraid that if you stated your truth,
that you would not be received well,
and then that would hurt you more than just saying yes,
when you are a no.
So you say, ” Okay.. let’s do it! ”
And you figure, ” It’s just compromise. It’s just the way life is. You cannot have everything you want all the time. So what’s the harm is giving of yourself this time or the next when even though you really hate it, or are shut down to it?”
Whats the BIG effing deal?
Rape seems like a harsh term to use Kendal.
I am not raping myself!
I am just compromising.
I am just letting someone else use my body, my time, my energy, my money, my life for their pleasure. For their abundance building. for their goals and aspirations.
That is the way life works.
Have you not heard?
Sure I don’t feel great afterward.
My body feels yuck.
I feel a low grade depression.
I feel weaker,
less excited about things.
I have a tough time looking in the mirror.
Or making eye contact.
I crave all the wrong foods or I feel like not eating at all.
I am testy.
Can’t sleep well.
Weaken immune system.
Yeah so what.
That is just part of life.
It’s not rape.
Well, I am sorry to shed the light on this for you,
but as a woman who has experienced rape in the sexual nature a couple of times in my life,
and as a woman who has had all too much duty sex AKA self rape ( in my opinion),
and as a woman who has allowed herself to be raped emotionally, psychologically, financially, time wise and many other ways through out life here and there.
I will tell you with utter certainty.
YOU ARE RAPING YOURSELF!!!!!
And to make matters worse.
You think its normal.
That you have too.
Have a little love for yourself already.
You got no love?
How about empathy?
Where the f-ck is your give a shit for you?
Yet you claim you want a life worth living.
You claim you want to make changes.
You claim you want joy,
But you think by spreading your legs and allowing someone else to have their way, to pump pump eww goo in you and get theirs that you are going to somehow succeed at having the life that you want? ( scratching my head here.)
Are you effing kidding me?
You are crazy!
That is all I have to say.
I get it.
I REALLY do.
Because I have been you.
In all areas of my life.
But you know what the reality is?
At some point,
You have to close up your rape shop.
You have to start to honor yourself enough,
to say NO.
You have to get into integrity with the most important person in your life.
And you have to not just give it lip service, no you have to actually commit to it.
You want freedom based living?
You want a F-ck Yes Life?
You want to be in love with yourself and your life?
You want to be proud of yourself?
You want to actually succeed at having what you claim you want?
Well here is the gig.
You must stop raping yourself.
In all areas of your life.
It is time.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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“5 Step’s to a Freedom Based Life”
A yes to your pleasure.
I love a good orgasm.
I crave a good orgasm.
I need so desperately a good orgasm.
How about you?
Lately I have been challenged though with orgasm.
And I am noticing that it is increasingly becoming more and more difficult for me to drop down and open up to ORGASM.
I find myself with my lover,
attempting to open up,
attempting to receive,
attempting to lean more in to all that he is offering me.
I know that my pleasure increases his pleasure.
I know that it is not his responsibility to get me to orgasm.
The reality is that ONLY I can give myself an orgasm.
I do not say this as to say that only I can “rub one out.”
No I mean that only I can give myself an orgasm by allowing it to happen.
So why am I preventing myself from this pleasure?
Why am I limiting my experience?
An Issue with Worthiness.
An Issue with Trust.
An Issue with Self- Love and thus love in itself and even toward my partner.
Here is the reality of why one does not open to ORGASM.
Instead I find myself,
laying there closed off in frustration.
I find myself craving more,
but not asking for what I need or want in the moment.
I find myself not speaking about it in general.
I find myself a prisoner in my mind during sex.
Disconnected from my body,
disconnected from my sex.
Instead of spreading my whole being more open,
Instead of saying, “Hey, I need this touch… or this position.. or this time…this kiss.” I say nothing and go into analyzation of the mechanics of what is happening, of what is wrong with me, of a technique or I just find myself drifting off into some other place that is non sexy in my mind and getting lost there until a nerve is teased and brings me back to my body for a second.
Especially because my partner is being present, loving, supportive, taking his time and really applying himself to my pleasure.
I see all of his greatness.
I just cannot feel it.
And this reality has NOTHING to do with him,
and everything to do with me.
So here I sit after a ton of good sexing,
with female blue balls. ( Yes that is a thing, us ladies get blue balls just like men. And we get bitchy as hell from it.)
I sit here after a bunch of good sexing,
frustrated, throbbing, achy, moody, disappointed in myself, tired and in fear.
Fear of sharing my truth.
Fear of what is going on with me inside my heart and mind.
I know my body is fine, my heart and mind though are struggling to open back up to love and connection and feel overwhelmed from all the stresses of life.
Fear of what my lover may think or feel if I share my truth.
With all of that shared, I KNOW the path I must take.
And if you are challenged with finding your ORGASM as well,
if you are experiencing a moment like what I am,
where you are having good sex,
with a good partner,
and you are enjoying the sex,
you just are NOT GETTING THERE.
You just DO NOT FEEL the release.
But it is still good.
Then listen up!
Take it from someone who has been educating and coaching on SEX and ORGASM for the last decade and can be multi- orgasmic.
If you are feeling non-orgasmic and wonder will I ever get through this?
If you are questioning what is wrong with me?
You can get through it.
You can access your “O”
You can feel again.
The steps to pleasure are not about a better stroke.
Are not about deeper penetration.
Are not about more sex.
What you have to do is simple but not easy.
OPEN UP YOUR HEART.
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
Stop focusing on the mechanics of sex.
Sex for us women is so very much more than mechanics.
We will NEVER access true orgasm if we are just focusing in on our genitals and the mechanics.
ORGASM is not about the “in and out”
It is about the CONNECTION.
First to self.
Then to partner.
It is a meditation.
It requires us to let go of our fears, our concerns,
our thoughts about everything else.
And JUST BECOME ONE
with our PUSSY.
As we open our hearts and soul in our sex,
we open our pussy’s ability to feel more,
to experience more.
This WILL REQUIRE our love of self,
and our understanding that we are WORTHY of pleasure and of LOVE.
We must support our ORGASM by asking for what we need.
By guiding in love our partners hands, mouths, cocks and attention.
We cannot just LAY THERE.
If you craving ORGASM the way that I am, then you have to COMMIT to CLAIMING IT.
You have to ASK for IT.
Therefore it is high time BABY,
that you speak up.
Show if you have too.
Try new things.
Stop beating yourself up for not having an ORGASM.
For feeling like a shitting partner, because you cannot achieve what you and your partner both want for you,
but instead OPEN to it.
IT IS TIME YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
KNOW YOU ARE WORTH IT.
WORTH IT ALL!
No one else can do this for you.
No one else can get you to open up.
And here is just one more reality ladies,
When you finally open to the “O” between your legs,
and it comes from your core, not the mechanics of sex.
You will be on the path to EMBRACING YOUR LIFE “O”
You will start to tap into ALL OF YOUR beautiful abundance.
You will STEP INTO YOUR POWER.
She awaits you.
She is you.
“The Goddess between my legs, makes mouths water.” – Rupi Kaur
May your rivers flow endlessly.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
It’s your impression of me that shuts me down.
It’s your view of who you think I am that prevents you from seeing whom I really am.
It’s your ideas about what I am thinking,
feeling that create this space between us.
It’s your fear of my inner world that holds your authentic self from coming out.
Stop putting your idea’s,
They are not mine.
Do not shut me out
because it is easier than feeling into me.
Do not disconnect and not speak,
because you already know what I will respond with.
Do not retract your love,
because you are certain you heard me say one thing when
IN FACT you were not listening.
All you hear is your program.
All you hear is your past trauma.
All you hear is your baggage.
You think you see me clearly.
But you only see my reflection.
The one that you have painted.
None of this is true.
Your perception of me,
is NOT my reality.
that anger you hold.
It is in you.
It is not mine.
That blame you are trying to hand to me,
it is yours my love.
It is not mine.
All this viewing of a shadow I never cast,
has you seeing an image of me that never has been.
It is your impression of me that shuts me down.
I feel you judging.
I feel you closing me out.
I feel you hiding.
I feel you poking at me,
hoping to see me,
but not willing to stand with me.
Confirmation of your inability to stand,
comes from your actions.
Those actions you claim you have no choice but to make.
Those actions which you initiated,
initiated with your fear,
your lack of feeling worthy.
you cast it onto me.
You see me in the blinding light of your self rage,
and you mistake me for the devil.
That devil that resides deep withing each of us.
That devil that has brainwashed you,
you into believing you are not doing anything,
but that everything is happening to you.
You are the driver of your life.
These are your choices.
This is our path.
The journey we have chosen to share.
It is your impression of me that keep’s me locked out of your castle gates.
It is your fear of being loved that keep’s you from feeling me.
It is your anger of the reflection that I provide that has the inner devil dancing in rage.
It is you my love.
It is you.
I will not own this image that you have gifted me with.
I will not claim it as my own.
I CHOOSE love.
I CHOOSE growth.
I CHOOSE soul.
I CHOOSE to see the light.
The light in me.
The light in you.
This I honor.
This I am in gratitude for.
Put down your armor,
let your warrior rest.
It is time to embrace the truth.
Time to SEE your TRUTH.
You are WORTHY.
Stand in your FEAR and cast out the devils there.
This is your calling.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
PS- I love you♥
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