Just for The Fun of It!


Thats all it is to be.
But you my love are afraid of your point of attraction.

You are afraid that you will be too much.
That you will stand out in the crowd of everyone else who chooses to deny thier happiness and blessing.

Why do you give so much attention to what you do not want?

Why do you go searching for problems and daydreaming about them?

To live a F-ck Yes Life you must give up….
Yes give the f-ck up on being available to everything that is not fun.
Is not able to be done in ease.
Are you struggling?
In a piss poor mood?
Always searching, hungry but never happy.

These are signs that you believe that it must be hard. That you must struggle.
That life is not there to back you.

And so you refuse to leap forward.
You turn away from the heights of bliss.
You find reasons and excuses as to why…
Why you cannot do, be or have.

You argue love.
You argue for your limitations in all the things you want most for.
And then you blame.
You weep in the shadows of what could have been.

The sad truth is that all this constriction you feel,
All this lack you are standing in,
All this drama and trauma you point fingers of blame toward.

You attracted it to you because you BELIEVE that you cannot have the life you desire.

And you believe that if you actually allowed yourself to love life,
To stop and smell the flowers,
To laugh more,
Play more,
Make love more,
And do the damn things that make you happy,
That you would no longer be recieved by this world.

Seriously, how can you be happy in a world so caught up in pain and anger?
How can you be laughing and enjoying your days when so many others are miserable and suffering? When bad things, very bad things are occurring all over?

This would make you seem an uncaring soul.
Caught up only in self, not concerned about the world or whats happening. You must have no virtues.

But I ask you this love.

How is tainting your life with pain and scarcity truly helping to pull anyone else out of the swamp they are in?

How is your suffering and lack of abundance helping move our planet to a healthier state? Or doing anything good for anyone?

Just for the fun of it….
Just for this moment in time…

Take thirty seconds,
To close your eye’s,
Breathe deep into your gut,
Relax your whole being,
And smile.
Smile a happy thought.
And feel it fully.
Imagine it as though it already was.

Imagine if you starting playing this creation game daily.
Imagine what might occur.

Could it be so simple as to what you apply your thoughts and feelings too is what you reap in life as well?

And if it changes nothing,
Then you have risked nothing but thirty seconds of your day.

But if blessings start to happen.
Your thinking change.
Your emotional state level up.
And you start to allow yourself to enjoy this magical life of yours…

Well then my love you will be risking EVERYTHING.

Because your whole life will evolve.
And you my dear will be no more,
For you will become that person you have desired all these years,
Living, breathing, tasting, f-cking the way you have always dreamed.

And that…
That is a risk that 99.9% of humans are not comfortable taking.

So best off you just keep b-tching about your problems and drama,
Weeping about how hard life is.

So you don’t have to risk transforming.
Risking birthing who you truly are.

Just stay right there love.
Stay as you are.

And I will venture out and live in abundance.
You can watch me from afar.
Enjoy my journies and love making.
The smile upon my face.
Although I wish you were here.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”

Join me for an intimate month of Asskickery.
Available globally 1:1 four part series where you and I take the rest of 2020 by the horns and direct it where you want it to go.
Message me for deets now.

You Give Me Permission to Live




Here is something that I get told frequently.

Especially right now with everything that is going on in our world.

And it is amazing that people refuse to give themselves permission to live. I mean shit…. IT IS YOUR LIFE…

and it is the only one that you have to live.

“cuz even if pastlives are a real thing,

THIS LIFE is still the one you are living right now and will have memories of as you move through your years.

So you’re sittin’ on your pretty little or big ass dreaming about living,

but making up reasons as to why you cannot,

and maybe you are just simply scared of living,

because you believe all the propaganda going around right now to keep you in a state of fear,

the reality is still the same….


And you love,

you are the only one who can live it.

Therefore it is up to you and only you to give yourself permission to do just that.

All this fear that is being stacked up against you is bullshit.

Do you get that?

Interesting little fact,

you are more likely to win the lottery than to catch this popular newly spoken of virus that is going around.Yeah, according to recent updates from the CDC this virus that you are staying home for and have chosen to stop living your life over has only a 0.2% death rate. That means that you have twice the chance of catching it as you do getting struck by lightning depending on where in the world you live.

Maybe we should all stay on home arrest during thunderstorms and stop the world…

In truth, this share has nothing to do with COVID.

Or the crazy shut downs and world destruction that is happening because of it,

it is however about you using yet something else to make an excuse to not live your amazing life.

COVID is just your most current reason,

and you have the world craze and lack of logic to support your own lack of logic and fear of stepping up to the plate and breathing into your power.

You right now have media support,

telling you that you should stop living.

You should stop loving your life.

You should fear your friends and family,

your neighbors and the strangers at the store.

And that it is OKAY to not have courage.

Courage to live.

Courage to say yes to your life and your power.

But when COVID is gone….

and it will be gone at some point because with a 0.2% death rate it will not be in the frontlines of control forever,



Let’s talk about this reality.

‘Cus you know that there will be something.

You always find something,

don’t you.

and then you watch others out there living and thriving,

loving and growing,

and you feel your heart lower,

you feel your gut turn,

and your soul yell at you,

and you block them all.

It hurts too much to bear the pain.

That suffering of not living to your maximum potential.

It’s a MF B*tch!

I get it.

I use to walk through life like this,

and I made excuses daily for it.

Then one day I got sick and tired of my suffering and my weak ass approach to my own world.

I chose differently.

I woke up, you could say and realized that time did not care about my excuses and damn good reasons as to why I was waiting to live.

Time did not wait for me.

Time did not give a rat’s rear end about my fears.

And it does not care about yours either.

There is your reality check of the day.

So when I hear someone say to me,

“Kendal you live life to the fullest, I wish I could do that.”

I say,

“Just Do It Then.”

And when they say,

“I am waiting till the perfect moment to start living. I have this thing I am working on right now.”

I say,

“Stop That. You will work through whatever that is far quicker if you learn to say yes to living and yourself, and show yourself some f-cking love instead of replaying that negative record over and over again.”

And when they say,

“Someday, someday I will find the courage. Someday I will be ready to step out and do the things that I want.”

I say,

“What are you waiting for? Lighting to strike you. Because your chances of that happening is about 0.2% odds for every one million, if you live in Europe. You might have more luck getting struck in Asia or Africa, like in Zimbabwe, where it can be 100’s of times higher. Good luck!”

If you are one of these beautiful souls that is terrified to start living right now,

let this message today be a spiritual base bat,

Your life is not going to wait for you love.

Your life it is happening no matter how you feel about it,

no matter where your comfort is or not.

And the fact is the same for all of us on this planet.

We all are give the same amount of hours in each day,

what we choose to do with them is ours only.

And life…

Life is a risky game that we were each born into and play each day that we wake to our hearts beating and our lungs filling with air.

No such thing as risk free living.

Sheltered at home,

exploring the world,

opening to love,

or closing down our hearts.

It’s all a risk.

What matters is your happiness and fulfillment.

Are you happy?

Are you fulfilled?

If you died today would you be able to say you have no regrets?

But if I, Kendal Williams can give you permission to start living the life that God/Universe blessed with an opportunity to enjoy and live, well then so be it…

You have my blessing and permission to GO LIVE.

Be Gone.


Well Go On Then…

Oh wait…. You found another reason huh?

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Reach out to me to learn about how you can turn one minute a day into magick. The Magick Minute Program to manifest your desired life with ease.







You are scared shitless of letting go of control and therefore you cannot surrender to the flow of your life and all the beauty and blessings that are in store for you.


You crave the deep heart shattering love,

you want for the intensity of life to move through you in your most intimate spaces,

your hunger is strong for the avalanches of abundance,

but they will never be yours.


And the only thing standing your way to having EVERYTHING…


and I mean everything that you have ever wanted and desired is your FEAR.


That fear that has you believing that you are not worthy.

That fear that has you believing that safety is better.

That fear that is telling you that turning away from your dreams is better than suffering,

and that you will not suffer if you let go of what you want.

That fear that has you convinced that you should be/do/have some way that another wants, instead of JUST BEING YOU.


That fear that whispers in your ear at times of transformation and breakthrough,

just when you are getting to expand and says,


“You are not safe. You need to control this situation.”


Yes that fear.


It is keeping you from EVERYTHING.


And you just keep going back to its arms,

back to it’s false security,

and believing its lies.


And what are you actually getting from it?

‘Cuz there is no security in fear in truth.


You are getting to to remain a victim to life,

that’s what you are getting.

You are getting to remain weak in your thoughts,

weak in your emotions,

and weak in life.

You are fulfilling the prophecy of that fear has been telling you all your life.


So what is your fear giving you?





So good job!

Good job listening to what will be the thief of your life and thinking its your “smartest” option.

Good job for lying to yourself and telling yourself that you would do anything for your dreams,

for your personal growth and well-being,

for love.


Good job, ignoring your soul and instead living from your ego.

Good job for cowering before the offerings of soul and God,

and turning your back to EVERYTHING that you want for.


There is a saying that it is always darkest before sunrise.

And somehow, you have been believing that the darkness is a sign that you cannot have the sunrise,

that it is not coming for you,

that you are not worthy,

and so you sit there believing that what you are witnessing is a message from soul to go back,

to stop the pursuit.



And this is sheer f-cked up thinking!

I can tell you one thing,

and this I had to learn the hard way many times over,

but it’s the truth,



Suffering is a choice.

Not having is a choice.

And we decide if we are going to thrive or suffer when we choose to lean into FAITH or FEAR.


If you have been doing your work internally,

and you have been dreaming your dreams of all that you want to call in, ‘and then you have seen some of the things start to manifest in your life,

but in their manifestation you shun them,

you hate on them,

you gain disgust or bitterness for them not being exactly how you wanted or showing up exactly when you wanted, ‘then know that your ego is running your life not your heart and soul and that you have turned your power over.


Because what you want for is coming for you, ‘and it can get here quickly if you stay focused on feeling good about what is showing up.

If you stay focused on how f-cking awesome the journey is instead of how you don’t yet have yada-yada-yada.


You gotta find your strength though.

You have to have the ever loving courage to turn away from your fear and if you talk about about living from faith and walking in faith,

then you need to stop talking about it and



Because words don’t matter.

Your actions,

your attention to what you want from a place of faith,

that’s what matters.


Faith is the true sign of surrender.

And right now love,

you don’t got it.


But you can shift in 30 seconds if you truly want to.

All it requires is you putting down your armour of fear and need to control.


Just 30 seconds and you can get the momentum of faith and the power of surrender moving in the direction of your desired life and dreams.


Are you ready to say YES to YOU?

Are you ready to surrender to well-being and love?

Are you ready to put down all the false illusions of your lack of worthiness?


I sure hope so.

The world needs you to shine.


As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”


Want to know how 30 seconds can change your life forever?

Want to know the secret of the magic minute?

I can show you how you can transform your suffering and fear into well-being and joy,

into thriving in love, money and health.

Reach out today for more information.

Baby I Need Your Love, But You Don’t Love Me.

Oh baby I need your love.
Got to have all your love.

Can I pay you for?
Why don’t you really love me baby?
I bought that fur,
Those diamond earnings.
I paid off your student loan,
And put a down on your house.

What more can I do baby to prove my love?
I want you to desire me.
I want you to want me.
I want to look into those big eyes,
And feel your love.

It hurts to feel you not fully with me.
It pains me to see you texting others.
It makes me jealous when you say you have a date with someone else,
Your other daddy.
Your other man.

Oh baby,
Why do you make daddy feel this way?
Don’t I take good care of you?
Don’t I give you good love?
Good orgasm.
And all your heart wants for.

Why baby.


And THIS is modern relationship.

But there is NOTHING new about it.

If we go back in time,
We find tales of true love and connection.
We find tales of authentic loving.

And then,
We find the selling off of daughters to kings and princess to make peace. To secure the lands. To gain protection or finances.
And we see families throughout time doing the same with other families for a certain amount of cattle or swine.
We see fathers handing off daughters with a dawery of plenty and telling his daughter to honor the family and do what is needed.

And today….
Today we have sugar daddies,
Sugar babies,
And trophy wives.

Different names.
Same vibe.
Today there are still families selling thier children off for all the same reasons they did in the past,
But what we see more so is the self prostitution that so many women are doing.
We see young women being sugar babies or trophy wives to men older than their fathers.

And we see women of all ages and backgrounds prostituting themselves to maintain a certain lifestyle.
The house.
The car.
The travel.
All the girly desires of hair, nails, eyelashes, tans, shoes, jewels, clothes.

And in return for all of this,
They offer thier bodies for tribute.

They rape themselves and close thier heart to love,
To truly feeling.
And they close themselves off to thier truth.

Both parties say, ” I love you.”
Both parties build lives around this mirage.
And both parties are typically shocked when the relationship crashes or when a partner cheats.

They cannot believe that thier partner would do such a thing.

But here is the thing….
There was NEVER LOVE there.
It was a relationship mirage based on the selling of a body to bring pleasure to one and to provide safety and luxury to the other.

the whole relationship was based daily on transaction.

Not love.
Might sound crazy.
But the majority of relationships today are just this.

Not love.
And authentic relating….lol, not a thing.
These couples truly believe they are friends with thier partners,
These couples believe that they are healthy and happy even,
But at the end of the day,
There is a drastic void in thier life.

They know they are not desired.
They know they are not in love.
They know that its all fake.
And they carry on,
Because believe that’s all they are worth.
That they have to sell themselves or buy another in order to have the life picture or the sex, the family that they picture.

Silly right?
If one could love self enough,
Value self enough,
And know at ones core thier worthiness,
Then they would feel far more confident in seeking for something true.
Something real and authentic.
A relationship of INTEGRITY.

But that too hard for most.
And maybe you are among the most.
Maybe you are one side or the other of the buying and selling of body and sex,
And maybe you feel that void.
Maybe you crave for integrity and love.
And you know what?


but you must check yourself first and know that your actions reveal your truth.

So how are you loving you?
How are you leaning into the vulnerable place of integrity in your life? Your loving? Your sex?

And are you truly ready to start saying f-ck yes to authentic relating. To you?

Now is happening.
Life is happening.
Its time baby.

To let ho of your fear of not being good enough,
Or of being too much.
And to step up in confidence and say,




And As Always
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”

Reach out to me for deets on how to create and open yourself to conscious relationships today.

Imagine Giving Yourself Permission.


I give myself permission to live my best life NOW.

The best is not coming.
The best is right here with me now because I allow myself to recieve it now.

This may sound simple
It may sound like something that you believe you already do,
However I assure you that you most likely do not.
And here is why I assure it.

Look at your life right now in this moment.
Is it everything that you desire it to be?
Does it provide you with the feeling you want consistently or are you feeling lost, in a void, empty, hungry, etc?

Are you truly happy with the life you have right now?

If you are not, then the honest truth is that you have constricted yourself and have made your ability to recieve to small of a channel for the life you want to manifest through.

You are shutting yourself off from your blessings by:
–> trying to get it all correct before you feel you are ready to recieve
–> trying to be fully healed before you are ready to recieve
–> worrying about not being enough
–> worrying about being to much
–> thinking that you need to have all your ducks lined up before you can recieve
–> thinking that you need to earn it
–> believing you need to prove yourself
–> consistently looking for the evidence of your desires life not to show up… focusing on the void of it not being there
–> keeping a timeline or calendar on how long it’s taking

None of these above things are giving yourself permission to open up to life that you desire.
None of these things are about allowing blessing to flow to you.

They are all about constriction.
About putting a cap on how, when and to what limit you can recieve instead of opening up the flood gates.

Yet you claim to want it all.
You talk the big game about making the changes,
Doing the work,
And tapping into flow

But you still have not gotten it baby

You still hinder yourself by trying so hard to direct everything and this freaking resistance you show by demanding yourself to be some sort of perfect before you will allow yourself to actually live your desired life is sheer stupidity if you ask me…

But there you go anyway.

And to make matters worse,
You believe that you should restrict all blessing in as many ways as you can fathom to keep proving to yourself that there is still more work to do, more healing to get, more proving you can before you can even accept small tastings of the life you desire.

You know why this is so effing bad?
Because one of the quickest ways to manifest the life you want is to give yourself permission to try sample bites of the things you want so you have the flavor of it in your mouth.
When we sample something we can better describe it.
We can always go back to the feeling of it.
We have an emotional response to it and therefore we can reattach to its energy and call that item in quickly.

But we have to attach to the feeling of having it NOT the reverse,
Which is what you most likely typically do.
I know you do.
Because if it’s not with you right now,
If you are not happy right now,
Then you are focusing on not having it.

And one more thing…
Whatever your norm is,
Is what you will continue to attract

If you want to change that norm,
Then you need to consistently sample new bits of life.
Of pleasure.
Of blessing.
And allow yourself to get comfortable with what you say you want.

I challenge you today to look at where you are not allowing yourself the permission to have the life you want.

I challenge you to inquire with self as to why you are choosing to not give yourself permission?

What do you fear about saying yes to your dreams?

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to start saying YES to your desired life and claim 2020 as the year that you finally put you first in life, love and with money?

Message me for deets on my 1:1 coaching and group coaching now.

I Show My Rightousness through Standing In WHO I AM.

Always wanting for more and NEVER satisfied with what we have.
Can we ever consume all that we hunger for?
Is it healthy to want for so much and never to be satisfied?
These feeling of hunger for life,
for love, for abundance, for sex, for pleasure, for happiness, connection, support, health…
What is one to do with them if one gains them and quickly discovers how fleeting any of it was to gain?
As we manifest all that we desire,
we also move speedily toward more.
The desire to be more,
have more,
do more.
These desires come as we open ourselves to our divine potential as co-creators of our lives.
And we have been trained to think of them as evil.
We have been programmed to fall into shame and guilt for our hungers.
Believing that it is unholy to have such thirst for life and all that it has to offer.
That the only true rightous thing is to not want.
And that there is a thing called “your fair share.”
As well as another thing called, ” you must prove yoruself to acquire this desire.”
Yet the scriptures even speak of blessed are those who hunger and thirst for the rightousness.
I believe that we have muffled ourselves to rightousness by buying into the imprisoning fears of our egos that keep us based in pride. Thus we step away from our true power and alignment with God,
we step away from who we really are.
We inturn, pride ourselves in the not having,
in the suffering,
in the creation of our saga’s.
We pride ourselves in being “good people” by not having.
And often we look at desire and gaining the riches of this world as something for either the VERY blessed – AKA the chosen few or the wicked who have gained through unfavorable messures.
Either direction we lean away from the truth.
We proclaim that in order to be very blessed,
you must prove your worthiness,
this is spitting in the creative hands of God and saying that God makes unworthy things.
Or we proclaim that in order to have,
one must do be willing to in an essence sell their souls to the devil.
Again saying yet that there is a belief of unworthiness to being a creator.
Yet we state that we are children of God.
That we are co-creators to the manifesting of our lives and world. Speaking words about being the artist of our lives.
And acting as though we know that we can have.
That we are worthy.
That we are meant to create.
Somehow though,
we loose ourselves with the concept of rightousness.
And it is because we do not underwstand this word.
And here my sweet is where we fall.
We can be good people,
we can do amazing works,
we can speak the words and we can take the actions.
But when we do it from a place of pride instead of integity, we fall.
And we create our saga.
There is no wickedness to desiring,
to wanting and even in the manifesting of what we want for.
There is not needing to prove yourself to be worthy to gain what you want.
There is no fair share,
as there is an unlimited amount of blessing.
All any of us ever have to do though is get into alignment with God. The universe. The creator.
When we step into integrity with ourselves,
we step into integrity with others,
and we increase our vibration because we become aligned to God.
God is never out of integrity.
God is always in flow.
It is our ego and our belief that we can have through control, fear and pride that puts us into bondage.
Ask yourself today my sweet,
Where am I not in integrity with self?
And know that you are out of integrity in the same space with others and God.
These are the cahins that must be removed in order to access all that you desire.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time for you to say yes to who you really are beautiful. It s time for you to commit to who you are,
to your soul and say YES.
Let’s work together 1:1 to bring you into the next decade of your life, the next year of your life fully embodied and activated.
Message me for deets on 1:1 coaching now.

The Material World Does Not Lie About Your Truth.

Do you?
Seriously how seen are you in your life?
In your relationships?
In the work that you do?
In the love that you give?
In your needs and humanness?
How seen are you?
Some of the deepest healing work that I do with people is to help them step into being SEEN.
People come to me to learn how to have bigger, better orgasms.
They come to me to gain deeper intimacy in their relationships.
They come to me because they want to call in that special SOULMATE.
They want to learn how to live orgasmically in ALL areass of life and they want the lifestyle that they believe goes with it.
They come to me because they want abundance.
Money, joy, adventure and SEX.
And what it all comes back to is wanting to be SEEN.
To be FELT.
To know that they matter.
That they are WORTHY.
They desire all of this but never understand that in the desire of what they want,
which equates down to being seen and felt truly in life.
The BIGGEST hurdle does not stem from anyone else,
but self.
They have set up these barriers,
these walls and bubbles to keep themselves from what they really want.
They state with udder certainty that they are real, authentic, living in integrity.
That they are easy and fun loving.
They are empathetic, good listeners and communicators.
They say all of this but it is just words that they speak.
The energy is not aligning to the words and this is what is causing the lack of being seen.
You can always tell where a person authentically is in there vibration and life by looking at the evidence that they present.
Meaning just look and see what is occuring in their world.
With their love life, their money, their family, their work, happiness and health.
The world that materializes does not lie to us about our truth.
It is the very creation of the thoughts that we consistently think and the feelings that we have toward the expereinces and people that we move through life with.
Our manifested reality reveals our turth in our self-love.
In our belief in our worthiness.
In who we really are.
You see you can say a million and one things.
You can proclaim that you are an open minded person.
That you are peaceful, loving and a good communicator, easy to talk too.
You can say that you are respectful and trustworthy.
You can say that you love adventure and play.
You can say that you believe in the law of attraction or in God blessing you.
You can claim that you are grateful.
You can claim that you understand things.
And you can even be “doing” the work.
Slowing down in your sex.
Inquiring more with a partner.
You can being “doing” it all and more.
But if you are just saying words and moving through the actions….
Then hunny,
this is you blocking it all.
You get what you put into anything.
Its never about anyone else.
Its always about YOU.
And in order for you to be SEEN.
In order for you to be FELT.
You must first do this for yourself.
If life is not all that you want.
If you are feeling forgotten and overlooked.
Then it’s time that you get real my dear,
and realize that YOU….
Yes YOU are the one not willing to see yourself.
To recognize your heart, your soul, your desires.
YOU are the one walling all the goodness out.
Because you are scared of your worthiness and all that says is that YOU DO NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY.
You are not scared my dear.
You are living in the shadow of doubt that you believe so strongly in.
And this has you blocked from seeing and feeling yourself.
And no one else will ever be able to find you,
will ever be able to force you to feel,
or to stand in your power and be seen.
No my dear…
this is only a mission for YOU.
And in order to have what you want.
You must stand in integrity with YOU.
Ask yourelf today,
“What am I hiding from myself?”
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
It’s time for you to say yes to who you really are beautiful. It s time for you to commit to who you are,
to your soul and say YES.
Let’s work together 1:1 to bring you into the next decade of your life, the next year of your life fully embodied and activated.
Message me for deets on 1:1 coaching now.

Commitment to Your Nightmare or Your Dream?

There are moments in our lives that we just KNOW without a doubt that its TIME.
It’s time to shut up and CHOOSE instead to SHOW up.
It’s time to STOP putting in empty action but instead CALL from within our truth,
our deisre, our KNOWING.
Yes these are the times that we encounter repeatedly in our lives in so many areas.
However, only a small chosen few actually realize these moments. The rest choose to ignore what their inner knowing has to say and completely disregard the urges from SOUL.
Thus, leading them down a bleak and dim life path filled with anxiety, fear, doubt, shame and discord. They turn and avoid the images of their dreams,
they make light and joke about the horrors that they are facing,
they gossip and get caught up in immaturities,
they finger point and focus on what is wrong.
And they do it because they are afraid.
Afraid to say YES…
Yes to SOUL.
Instead choosing to beleive the bogus tales of keeping themselves so busy that they have no time to expand,
to grow, to enjoy the life that is offered them,
and they beleive that by remaining so busy that they will lessen the pain of not having the life that they desire.
When in truth what they are accomplishing is the very creation of more pain.
Vaster seperations.
Deeper versions of bondage.
And they are sacrificing themselves,
their dreams,
their SOULS to Average and Ordinary.
They are committing to NOT HAVING.
And they are committing with all the best intentions and ideas.
The self emposed limitations that they have been raised to be their truth,
hold them in captivity from everything.
They believe that life is unsafe and non-supportive to what their hearts desire might be.
They fall prey to the beliefs of their parents,
thier grandparents and society,
both church and state.
Picking up the shakles and locking them on themselves,
in the effort to do what is right.
To be responsible.
A good citizen.
A good parent, friend, partner, daughter, brother, etc.
They establish the boundaries that have always been there,
committing to this old paradime,
and closing their eye’s to all other possibilities.
KNOWING what they know,
believing what they know.
They look to the future as something outside of themselves,
they look at thier dreams with a light huff,
a tad bit of hope,
and a deep knowing that it won’t happen,
at least not NOW.
In this they are committing to never having.
Because SOMEDAY never comes.
and the reson they want what they want is to make themselves happier, feel more complete,
feel free, connected, joy, satisfied.
The commitment is intense.
The belief of what IS is powerful.
And the creation of their nightmares is real.
But here it is beautiful,
YOU are in charge.
You get to commit to what you want,
if you will only choose to focus your energy and your actions on what your SOUL is leaading you too,
instead of what your fear is dictating to you,
you will realize quickly that you are POWERFUL.
Because You Are!
So I ask you today beautiful….
Are you committed to your dream or your nightmare?
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time for you to say yes to who you really are beautiful. It s time for you to commit to who you are,
to your soul and say YES.
Let’s work together 1:1 to bring you into the next decade of your life, the next year of your life fully embodied and activated.
Message me for deets on 1:1 coaching now.
*photo credit to Photography In Wonderland

Why Do Some Men Come Back Around?

Sitting here eating breakfast and my phone goes off…
It’s a text message from a man I have known for over a decade now.
A man that makes my pussy throb at his freakin’ text no matter how bad my day is going or how disconnected I feel.
I can hear his voice right now as I sit here and type.
That low, sultry Matthew Mcconaughey voice of his.
That smile,
that sparkle in his smiling eye’s.
Yes just his words in this text bring back so many a feeling of the past.
His words ignite a strange hunger at my core.
And have me in a stir of wonder.
And yet…
Yet I know.
yet I have tasted of the offerings that he has tempted me with for the last decade.
And that YES that I have given to him so many a time in the past has only taught me to say NO.
So what is it about this man.
What is it about many men in my world,
throughout time and relationship that makes them come check in on me and consistently check to see if there is a door open for them to explore a second or third round of temptation.
Why do they find a need or desire to see if they can now capture what they so easily let go of back then?
Perhaps it is regret.
Perhaps they have grown up some and realized what was being offered back then,
the beauty of what could have been.
Over and over again I hear from the men of my past,
about their deep love for me,
their adoration,
and how they wish things had gone differently.
They ask for just a coffee date.
Just a glass of wine and simple conversation.
They want to rekindle the friendship.
the connection.
They want to know that I am okay and happy.
and yes, they are hopeful.
Hopeful that I am hungry.
Hopeful that I seeking.
That I am open to what possibilities are on the path as it merges but for this moment in time.
Again, and again I am at fault for exploring this merging path.
Because the reality is that the majority of men of my past are pretty amazing men. I adore and love them still and am in deep gratitude for the moments and experiences that we shared.
And I miss those moments sometimes.
I miss their uniqueness.
I am always hungry.
My heart desires for its rapture once again,
and so yes it is always seeking for that soul that will ignite it and open it up to that that it has experienced in the past.
I find myself also thinking about this running theme of my ex’s.
And how the one’s who truly captivated me and still hold a piece of me in some strange way many a year later ALWAYS choose to re-explore the waters of relationship with me.
Or at least let their love be expressed verbally here and there.
They want me to KNOW their heart.
And this is beautiful.
This is a beautiful side of the masculine.
Scary though.
Because each of these men wake up skeletons in the closet of my heart,
and make me sit at the brink of “What now?”
Testing each breath as we exchange a moment yet again.
And I lean in and learn.
But wonder.
I here in my head as I type this these words of a man that I love deeply and is one of these gentlemen of my past that touches base with me to share his heart every now and then.
I see him with his handsome smile, his rich brown eye’s looking at me and explaining to me that when a man goes that deep with a woman and he feels touched by her like that, that he will always touch base again and a again in hope that perhaps the timing is right now.
I hear the words of another man that holds my heart share with me that he now see’s his fault,
he wishes for an new opportunity,
but he know’s that my trust is broken,
what can he do to prove himself?
I feel the heart beat of my first love as he holds me firmly in a hug. I feel him not wanting to let go. As though it is that moment in our parting 25 years back. He looks at me with a glimmer in his Irish eye’s and smiles because he know’s it cannot ever be. But his love is felt, his desire as well.
So why?
What about a woman ignites a man to this level to pursue for years?
Ladies, what do you think about the men in your world that you dated years back and are still holding on? Still testing the waters of connecting a decade or more later?
Guys, why do you chase for a decade?
Why do you come back around every so often if you chose differently way back then.
What is it that makes a man want for a woman he did not embrace and hold dear when he had her?
Thoughts from this morning as I sit here receiving texts from past lovers, who had a chance, who had an opportunity to create something beautiful with me many a moon ago.
It’s a running theme in my relationship world.
How about you?
Love to hear your thoughts.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

Dropping the Orgasmic Ball Makes You an A-Hole (Guest Post Addison Bell)

I got dropped.
Again and again.
Over and over.

In the mental health and spiritual community, we are taught to focus in on the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and also that we are the most important person in our lives.

The notion that we must take care of self first and foremost and that we can not control another person’s feelings.

All very true teachings.

Yet, like much of life… it’s not always clear cut.

Today I sit here wrestling with my ego.

Because although we are the center of our own universe and must take care of ourselves. There are also times as humans where I believe we DO take second fiddle and time where we ARE responsible to a certain level for someone.

In truth, there are times where we lend our trust to another and have an agreement that we won’t get dropped. There is a consent put into place that if someone steps into a certain level of vulnerability, trust, and openness that we will be held.

If you are asking for vulnerability… then you should be able and willing to hold the other person’s vulnerability.

If you are asking for someone to step into trust… then you should be willing to stand steady to hold their deepening.

If you want your partner to truly surrender in sex and fully open to their next level orgasmic energy then you ARE offering SPACE… and you are therefore responsible for holding that space if they allow that surrender. The time, the emotion, the energy, etc.

And so you DO hold a level of responsibility for that other human.
Does that take away their responsibility for self???
Of course not.
We are still responsible ultimately, as adults, for ourselves but from a base level of not being self-centered as*holes…

It is important that we hold ourselves responsible for situations in which we are stepping into.

And therefore, there are times in our lives when we are NOT the most important person. There are times when despite us being in emotion that we must learn impulse control and learn to breathe into our feelings. There are times when it is appropriate to put others needs before our own.

I know that many will say… “You’re the most important person in your life and it’s okay to be selfish”.

And I agree with this most of the time.
We live in a society where we don’t know how to truly take care of self and where we often try to be people pleasers. On a daily basis, this is not healthy and will drain us consistently.

Being focused on taking care of self is perfectly beautiful.

Though the issue happens when we are only self-focused to the detriment of others needs and consent.

This is particularly true in our sex… and where my personal focus on this topic seems to be today.

When your woman (or man) opens up, when you have asked them either verbally or non-verbally to step to that deeper level of surrender.

Then you are a straight-up A**hole if you drop them!

This past weekend, I did a bi-annual Summer Orgasm Camp. It is my favorite workshop because of the different things that get brought up and the healing I see happening at the event.

The conversation ventures everywhere from energy, to shame, to tantric practices, to good old straight sex education that is missing.

But for this particular workshop, I am blessed to not just teach but also to be the model.

I got deep… I got vulnerable… I opened…
And I got my ass dropped no less than 6 times.
My orgasm got dropped
My boundaries got dropped
My deep-hearted requests

A moment where I, yes I, am the most important person in the room barring a MAJOR emergency.

Most of these drops were unintentional or unavoidable.
Welcome to putting on my big-girl panties!!!

Everyone is there at the event in a learning process.
I actually go in knowing that I will get dropped a few times… particularly in the orgasmic energy realm.

And it is a beautiful experience for me to work on taking care of myself energetically and asking for what I need.

Though there was a pivitol moment for me at the workshop that truly shows where we constantly drop people in sex, in relationship, and in life.

And more importantly, shows an example of when someone else’s needs come before our own.

At the event.
After the demo and lab are totally complete (and therefore the workshop), there is an aftercare process of bringing me back into my body and grounding me energetically that is an agreed-upon process with my co-teacher.

Giving me a few moments where I get to breathe… share any emotions coming up after being touched by many random strangers…and also to make sure I am physically doing alright.

This time I was feeling unusually ungrounded and dizzy from the energy. I was also experiencing a variety of emotions and had some physical issues arising as a result.

The pivitol moment happened the moment I sat up and a gentleman came up asking questions and continued to pull her away from me.

My co-teacher shared no less than three times that she needed to focus on supporting me and she would be happy to answer these at another time.

I overheard him state several times that he was needing to talk…
DEMANDING with his words and actions her attention.
DEMANDING that she refocus from me to him.
AND FORCING HER physically to leave my side.
NOT respecting boundaries she continued to state
NOT respecting my process after being vulnerable with him and the rest of the class

This is a beautiful example and a mirror for what we often do in the bedroom and life.

Not being present enough and confident in our own ability to hold our emotions that we vicariously walk over others and also in that lack of presence we DROP the other people in the situation.

Whether we realize it or not we send out self-centered vibes
A selfish person would have gone and taken care of self.
Would have asked if the other person was available and if they were not available would then find another tool in the self-care toolbox to manage.

Sometimes others needs do trump ours in certain moments.
This does not mean that our needs don’t matter!
Of course, our needs matter!
This just means that there are priorities in life and sometimes we can’t be the priority.

Sometimes the priority is in learning to hold ourselves
Sometimes the priority is in waiting until we can have true focused attention

Because I know for a fact that the gentleman this weekend did not get my co-teachers full attention and presence.

And in fact, becomes a “using” energy.
The orgasmic energy was used and appreciated and needed for the learning and then easily thrown away when it no longer was serving him.

And we all have done this at some point.

We are human and so therefore constantly dropping each other consciously and unconsciously.

Where could you be dropping the energy and stepping out of selfish energy and into self-centeredness today?

Love, Light, & Blessings,