A yes to your pleasure.
I love a good orgasm.
I crave a good orgasm.
I need so desperately a good orgasm.
How about you?
Lately I have been challenged though with orgasm.
And I am noticing that it is increasingly becoming more and more difficult for me to drop down and open up to ORGASM.
I find myself with my lover,
attempting to open up,
attempting to receive,
attempting to lean more in to all that he is offering me.
I know that my pleasure increases his pleasure.
I know that it is not his responsibility to get me to orgasm.
The reality is that ONLY I can give myself an orgasm.
I do not say this as to say that only I can “rub one out.”
No I mean that only I can give myself an orgasm by allowing it to happen.
So why am I preventing myself from this pleasure?
Why am I limiting my experience?
An Issue with Worthiness.
An Issue with Trust.
An Issue with Self- Love and thus love in itself and even toward my partner.
Here is the reality of why one does not open to ORGASM.
Instead I find myself,
laying there closed off in frustration.
I find myself craving more,
but not asking for what I need or want in the moment.
I find myself not speaking about it in general.
I find myself a prisoner in my mind during sex.
Disconnected from my body,
disconnected from my sex.
Instead of spreading my whole being more open,
Instead of saying, “Hey, I need this touch… or this position.. or this time…this kiss.” I say nothing and go into analyzation of the mechanics of what is happening, of what is wrong with me, of a technique or I just find myself drifting off into some other place that is non sexy in my mind and getting lost there until a nerve is teased and brings me back to my body for a second.
Especially because my partner is being present, loving, supportive, taking his time and really applying himself to my pleasure.
I see all of his greatness.
I just cannot feel it.
And this reality has NOTHING to do with him,
and everything to do with me.
So here I sit after a ton of good sexing,
with female blue balls. ( Yes that is a thing, us ladies get blue balls just like men. And we get bitchy as hell from it.)
I sit here after a bunch of good sexing,
frustrated, throbbing, achy, moody, disappointed in myself, tired and in fear.
Fear of sharing my truth.
Fear of what is going on with me inside my heart and mind.
I know my body is fine, my heart and mind though are struggling to open back up to love and connection and feel overwhelmed from all the stresses of life.
Fear of what my lover may think or feel if I share my truth.
With all of that shared, I KNOW the path I must take.
And if you are challenged with finding your ORGASM as well,
if you are experiencing a moment like what I am,
where you are having good sex,
with a good partner,
and you are enjoying the sex,
you just are NOT GETTING THERE.
You just DO NOT FEEL the release.
But it is still good.
Then listen up!
Take it from someone who has been educating and coaching on SEX and ORGASM for the last decade and can be multi- orgasmic.
If you are feeling non-orgasmic and wonder will I ever get through this?
If you are questioning what is wrong with me?
You can get through it.
You can access your “O”
You can feel again.
The steps to pleasure are not about a better stroke.
Are not about deeper penetration.
Are not about more sex.
What you have to do is simple but not easy.
OPEN UP YOUR HEART.
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
Stop focusing on the mechanics of sex.
Sex for us women is so very much more than mechanics.
We will NEVER access true orgasm if we are just focusing in on our genitals and the mechanics.
ORGASM is not about the “in and out”
It is about the CONNECTION.
First to self.
Then to partner.
It is a meditation.
It requires us to let go of our fears, our concerns,
our thoughts about everything else.
And JUST BECOME ONE
with our PUSSY.
As we open our hearts and soul in our sex,
we open our pussy’s ability to feel more,
to experience more.
This WILL REQUIRE our love of self,
and our understanding that we are WORTHY of pleasure and of LOVE.
We must support our ORGASM by asking for what we need.
By guiding in love our partners hands, mouths, cocks and attention.
We cannot just LAY THERE.
If you craving ORGASM the way that I am, then you have to COMMIT to CLAIMING IT.
You have to ASK for IT.
Therefore it is high time BABY,
that you speak up.
Show if you have too.
Try new things.
Stop beating yourself up for not having an ORGASM.
For feeling like a shitting partner, because you cannot achieve what you and your partner both want for you,
but instead OPEN to it.
IT IS TIME YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
KNOW YOU ARE WORTH IT.
WORTH IT ALL!
No one else can do this for you.
No one else can get you to open up.
And here is just one more reality ladies,
When you finally open to the “O” between your legs,
and it comes from your core, not the mechanics of sex.
You will be on the path to EMBRACING YOUR LIFE “O”
You will start to tap into ALL OF YOUR beautiful abundance.
You will STEP INTO YOUR POWER.
She awaits you.
She is you.
“The Goddess between my legs, makes mouths water.” – Rupi Kaur
May your rivers flow endlessly.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Tears are on the cusp of escaping my eye’s today.
I feel this heaviness on my chest,
my heart feels constricted and tight, like it is being held in a metal clasp with daggers penetrating it.
I want to cry.
I want to be washed clean of this pain.
My mind keeps running through all the memories,
all the experiences. Those seemingly precious moments where intimacies were shared. Where I felt like I was being held in a new place of truth and love.
Those moments where I found myself exploring adventures and concepts that I never would have thought up on my own.
I find myself in gratitude and disgust.
I find myself in fear and disbelief.
How is it possible that two people can come together,
experience such beauty, and at the end of the cycle wish to destroy?
How can love and friendship turn to hatred and rage?
How can you one moment proclaim that you love someone more than you have ever loved before and then moments later turn around and speak disgust about them behind their backs.
creating false realities and condemning,
all the while pretending that you want to be with them?
This is my morning of tears.
This is my morning of reality as I uncover the truth of all that I thought that was,
that NEVER was.
The issue with these events is not the break up.
The issue is not even the lies and pain that they cause.
The issues is not the physical damage that we may take on from it or the new reality that we are thrown into at the awareness that the love was all fake.
No the issue is TRUST.
And the trust breech that we face and fear even more when we come face to face with things is OUR OWN.
How could we not see it?
How could we be so blind?
If we could not pick up on this then how will we protect ourselves from it in the future?
The writing is always on the walls. And if I am horribly honest with myself then even I have to admit that in my case, I KNEW.
I knew the sort of man he was.
I new his need to control.
I knew his closed down heart.
I new his disrespect for emotions.
I knew his hatred toward women.
I knew his insecurities as a man.
But I believed that I could love him through it.
I believed that he just had never been given the opportunity to heal these things before and that I was STRONG enough, OPEN enough and PATIENT enough.
All of these things only made him feel weaker.
All of these things only back fired on me and made him hate me more, destroy me more.
And so the rumors fly.
And so he attempts to crush what he hates in all the ways his ego directs. Standing firm in his right to make a point, be right, to control the situation, he alpha dogs yet again.
remaining true to his character.
True to his past.
True to all that he believes of himself.
I remain in LOVE.
And I dig a little deeper into my pain.
And yet deeper into my fear.
And even deeper into my wound.
This wound that keeps being carved open further as the days go by and the lies make themselves known.
At the bottom of it all still remains my TRUST.
Do I allow this moment…
this lost soul…
to destroy the beauty of my FAITH in God?
Do I CHOOSE to allow it to take me further into a DEEPER TRUST?
A fuller FAITH.
It is always our choice what we do with the drama and trauma of our lives.
Many of us choose to allow it to harbor us from the joy and bliss that is on the other side.
Many of us choose to allow it to mask our hearts and souls.
Many of us choose to pretend it never happened even.
Hoping that if we just ignore it will somehow magically go away.
This never works.
It only turns us into what we are fearful of.
It turns us into those that create this sort of shit.
Life is about owning your own crap but KNOWING what is ours and what is not.
Every event in our life is an OPPORTUNITY to get closer to God or to turn away from God.
It is in our CHOOSING that we decide our futures.
It is our CHOOSING that we manifest our curses or our blessings.
This is SOUL ALIGNMENT.
This is where you decide what you want to call into the next chapter of your life.
Falling into the arms of HATRED, ANGER, EGO and CONTROL will always only lead you one place….
A land of self made misery.
One’s own inner hell where no one can help you escape but yourself.
Ask yourself this:
“Am I happy with whom I am TODAY?”
Now look into your eye’s in the mirror and ask:
” Is this true?”
Wait for the response from your soul.
That soul that is quiet and meek, but strong and truthful.
Here is your path.
Stop Existing & Start Living
Have you ever had one of the moments where you feel like you just KNOW what is going to happen before it does?
One of those moments where you could swear you were psychic even?
Where for whatever reason, God blessed you with a KNOWING?
I get these often in life.
The more alignment I get with my soul,
the more they happen too.
I should be grateful for them,
and often I am.
However the pain that comes from some of them is never much fun.
In some crazy way, it does allow for me to prepare for storms.
The thing that many of my “psychic” moments predict is a loss of integrity in relationships.
It is as though those that are the closest to me, also believe that they will not be seen for their truth. And perhaps they would not if there were not these messages being received.
I am amazed in moment’s like this, of how accurate and quick formulating some things are.
It never fails, I always think I am having some crazy ass thought, that makes no sense. I question myself as to where the heck such an image or thought would come from, and then BAM just hours or a few days later these events come to pass. And i am given confirmation.
It is soul alignment.
It is a message from soul, alerting us to become more of a witness.
To pay closer attention to what is happening in our midst, and to TRUST.
Trust out intuition.
Trust our gut reactions.
And lean in.
These messages are here to help us prepare.
Help guide us.
So that we are not always operating from a place reaction,
but can become more proactive and on purpose in our dealings.
Now, I get these messages, these soul observations on “good” and “bad”events.
They come through in feelings,
They come through in visions,
They come through in dreams,
They come through in written words,
or even what you could say are signs.
I believe that God is always speaking to us.
His guidance is always with us.
We close ourselves to these messages because they make zero to no sense to our logical mind,
We cannot understand how they are possible so we disregard them,
then act in shock when things come to pass.
These KNOWING moments.
They are a blessings.
Even when they hurt.
It is said that all the great visionaries, leaders and game changers of time learned to trust these events.
SO why don’t we?
Why do we hide from our inner knowing?
Allowing our ego’s to mask what our soul knows.
Here is yet, one more thing.
One more opening,
For personal growth.
God has our back and speaks to us daily.
The only question to ever ask is,
“Am I open to hear what God has to share?”
Stop Existing & Start Living
Something we long to have,
something we long for other’s to have in us and us in them.
It is given freely and in boat loads at the beginning of a relationship and THEN as time moves forward we break our trust with others and we have our trust broken.
The small little moments when we don’t hold space,
where we choose to not be authentic,
where we mask our feelings,
These all tear away at trust.
Then we have those bigger moments, where trust crashes on the shores of a disaster and we feel ourselves overtaken by the pain of what we believed we had that we quickly discover was misplaced.
One of the most beautiful aspects of life,
providing us with a strength to lean in and embrace all that we crave,
all that we hunger for.
All that we want to be and want to experience.
the surrender of TRUST.
It is a giving of our deepest selves,
and this is why when it is breached it hurts so effing much.
This is why we fear listening to that inner voice,
opening our hearts and revealing ourselves at any depth.
So we starve ourselves.
We keep things at the surface and we do not venture down the rabbit hole of true relationship.
I find myself this morning looking at this word with great love,
with great hatred and fear,
with a reality that for all the trust that I have,
I trust VERY little.
And the message from my SOUL that I aim to share here with you, is that we all have these feelings. We all fear TRUST.
The bigger issue is that we fear trust more with ourselves,
more with GOD than we do with other’s in our life.
The trust that we give or don’t give to other’s is nothing more than a reflection of the trust that we give to ourselves and thus to God.
We are always being met with a reflection of something inside ourselves, and it is the awareness that the reflection is there to serve us, to heal us, to open us and to connect us to ourselves and all that is, IS THE LESSON.
Trust is a main area in which we must awaken to our core issues to alignment.
We want for so much in life.
We desire more abundance, more money, more sex, better health, better relationships, more fun, adventure, opportunity.
Yet we DO NOT TRUST that we are WORTHY of it or that we CAN HAVE IT.
Therefore we consistently look for how it is not showing up.
We manage to lean into self-sabotage when the beauty of all that we want is offered, we find our way home to the comfort of our pain body and we give reason to NOT TRUST or be trustworthy.
It is a two way street.
As everything in life is about relationship.
No matter what we are desiring we are in a relationship with it.
And in order to go deeper into a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP we must be able to trust ourselves and to trust those that are in alignment to us.
This morning I sit here with issues based just in this word.
I write this note from a deep place in my heart and soul. A place that desires to trust but is constantly awakening to the reality that I have challenges in this department.
I have powerful reason’s as to why I should not trust,
why I should not lean in, ‘why I should not offer up my truth.
I feel myself wanting to hide.
Wanting to disregard what I know at my core.
Wanting to act as though the reality of this current moment is something else, when in fact I am being given an opportunity within this problem around trust to see clearer.
To offer compassion.
To offer love so that all can heal.
This requires authentic relating.
This requires INTEGRITY.
Trusts is given freely and in boat loads at the beginning of a relationship.
Then we manage to f-ck it up from all the little and not so little choices that we make.
Within the f-ck up we are given an opportunity to stand in INTEGRITY. And with integrity we open the doorway again to
When we choose to be authentic,
to come clean with ourselves,
and with the relationships in our life,
we access a deeper version of our SOUL.
We embrace our humanness.
We embrace love.
We show God that we trust that we will be held,
and that we can heal.
We open ourselves to MORE.
And here we align to soul.
Here we access our TRUTH.
Here we EXPAND and LIVE.
Anything else is an illusion of the life we create through our fear, through our ego.
Anything else is self-sabotage.
If you want to TRUST, and be trusted, then you MUST at all cost stand in INTEGRITY.
You MUST show up as your authentic self.
And you must EMBRACE your humanness and what you may perceive as flaws as spaces for growth.
TRUST your core.
TRUST your soul.
TRUST your heart.
Stand there, in that meadow.
With SELF first.
Can you look in the mirror and say that you stand in integrity?
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
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This is a hymn for the one’s who have no closure.
His arms around my throat, commanding me to stop.
Stealing my joy.
Stealing my heart.
Killing me softly as the song states.
Killing our love.
Killing our relationship.
Killing our goals, our dreams, our partnership.
He looks at me with rage in his eye’s.
He looks at me through a demon’s face.
There is no love here anymore.
That is clear.
Broken, battered and abused.
My truth of his emotional abuse is before me,
with his hands around my throat.
He makes his feelings known.
He hates me.
He is throwing me away.
He is done with me and all that we built.
He is not a man with heart.
He is not man of integrity.
He is not a man who know’s how to love or be loved.
He is a coward.
A coward hiding behind his aggression.
Hiding behind his need to control.
Hiding behind his drink.
Hiding behind his blame.
He is not a man,
He is a victim to his ego.
A victim to the demons.
He feels in the right.
He feel’s that I had it coming.
He feel’s only his hatred to himself and mistakes it for me.
He feel’s only his fear of seeing his demon’s.
He want’s to hide.
And so he wants me to STOP.
He wants my voice to be muted.
He wants to delete the presence of truth from his life.
He wants it all to go away because he is not a man who can handle being a man.
No , he is a prisoner to his illusions.
He is a victim to his patterns.
He claims he wants more,
to be more.
To be the man that honors life.
Honors his woman.
But he is too scared.
He is nothing more than a little boy begging to be nurtured,
begging to be seen.
Begging for attention.
demanding his will.
He stamps his feet, screams his violent screams.
He wants nothing more than to be seen.
But he cannot have what he wants.
He is NOT willing to see himself.
He has no integrity.
He is a victim,
a prisoner to his demons.
So he go’s further.
He chokes harder.
He is not feeling the release he desires.
He is not feeling like he has conquered her yet.
She is still breathing.
She is still speaking.
She is still standing there,
Being his integrity.
Forcing him to see himself.
And he hates himself.
He hates his life.
He is scared to see his truth.
He feels so unworthy.
There is no happiness in his soul.
He is lost.
He is hiding.
He has become his demon’s.
Casting her and the children out of his life,
It is easier to force her to leave and ignore the pain,
Ignore his truth,
Ignore his actions.
He does not speak of the events of the day.
He buries them deep into the basement of his being,
next to the pain of his loss of others.
He does not speak of his pain of the love’s he lost.
The loss of his sister,
the loss of his mother,
the loss of his first love,
the loss of his wives that came after.
And he will not speak of this loss either.
This crazy feminine with its heart and emotions.
It only abandons him.
It only runs from him.
Cheats on him.
dies on him.
It is not worth his pain.
It is not worth his opening.
It is not worth his healing.
No. He just wants it to STOP.
So he holds my neck with tension.
He looks at me through eye’s of demons.
The darkness that resides here,
he has settled into.
He is coiled in his corner.
He is fearful of his future.
He is terrified of his heart.
of her heart.
Of the EMOTION.
So he closes.
He shuts himself down and he chooses to only open up to the demon.
The demon that has him hiding.
The demon that has him leaning on the shoulder of the immoral, the trustworthy, the one’s who are addicted to their darkness and masks.
he pulls from those who he knows he cannot trust.
He leans into those who are happy for his return.
They greet him with open arms,
He is settling for his demon’s.
He is settling for so much that he is not.
He is a victim to his fears.
He sacrifices himself.
And points his fingers at me.
He know’s the truth.
But he must hide.
Because standing in integrity is to much to bare.
That would mean that he would have to FEEL.
He would be to vulnerable.
And his ego will not allow it.
No , he is a prisoner to his illusions.
He is a victim to his patterns.
He claims he wants more,
to be more.
To be the man that honors life.
Honors his woman.
But he chooses his demon’s.
He chooses those that kneel before the alter of darkness.
The alter of lies,
the alter of fears,
the alter of casting blame.
He chooses to be the victim of his hatred.
So he does not speak of these events.
He does not allow space for truth.
He slams the door to love.
He closes himself from spirit.
He flips off God and he turns to his demons.
They lift a glass in celebration of the reaping of his soul.
There is no closure,
There is only hiding.
this is a hymn for the one’s who have no closure.
No matter how desperately needed.
No matter, the desire to understand.
No matter, the longing to heal and love again.
No matter, the case that be.
This is a hymn for the one’s who have suffered at the hand of their lovers.
This is a hymn for the one’s who blamed themselves for the violence that fell on their flesh, on their hearts, on their lives.
This is a hymn for the one’s who cried.
Who needed to be heard and were told to stop.
Who were cracked open physically, emotionally.
This is for you.
I feel your pain.
I see your fear.
I hear your cries.
I feel your abandonment.
This is a hymn for the one’s who never got closure.
Who cannot understand how love can turn so violent.
How sweet tender caresses can end in rage.
Who weep and feel shame.
This is for all of us who have suffered at the hand of our lovers.
And so we pray.
We pray for those that told us that we were nothing without them.
We pray for those who said we could make it on our own.
We pray for those who cannot feel love.
We pray that find their peace.
We pray that they face their demon’s.
We pray that they are somewhere,
On their knees,
Stop Surviving- Start Living
As a woman you would think it easy for me to be open and vulnerable, trusting even of the feminine. Of other women. That sisterhood would just come naturally and easily.
As a woman who is a mother of 7 souls, three of which are daughters and spends her day’s reaching out into the world and helping other women, other people and sharing of herself as vulnerably as I can in any given moment. That female connection and understanding would just be a reality. A norm for me.
The truth is though that I have had a lifetime of shut down around the feminine. Around trusting the feminine. Trusting my fellow sisters. Just calling other women my sisters causes a nagging nausea in my gut. It rises up an uncertainty of if I can trust women. If I can lean in here.
Do I even want to?
My wounds with the feminine stem back to my early childhood where my mother would talk radically negative about my father to me on hour long walks with our German Shepard and myself. She would tell me how awful my dad was. How she wanted out of the relationship. She would dream of finding a suitcase full of money on our walk and escaping life with him. She wanted to run away from him. She wanted her freedom but at the cost of choosing daily to stay settled and just bitch to 5 year old me on our evening walk about it.
Then came her co-dependent nature. Always attached at my hip, like an infant to it’s mother. It seemed often like I was the mother. She could not make a move without my support.
Then came her crazy ass stories of her past, where she shared all too much with me about how she manipulated this or that.
How she was wounded from WWII and the bombings.
How she was angry at her father for being killed during the war when she was eight.
How she was angry with her mother for doing the things that she had to at that point to survive and support two little girls.
She told me about her abuse in her first marriage.
She tried to teach me how to steal from stores.
How to lie well and hold my poker face.
She showed me how to disconnect from my heart and SURVIVE.
She taught me that women are not to be trusted.
She taught me that women manipulate.
She told me that I was different though.
That I could walk on water.
But I was her air.
So don’t run away.
Don’t abandon her.
Then came school. My girl friends once made would randomly choose to no longer be my friends. They would make up stories, would gossip if I shared anything vulnerable. They would steal my clothes, cheat off my tests and then point the finger back at me.
But I craved friendship.
I craved sisterhood.
I craved to be one of the girls.
I craved to fit in.
Then came high school. I chose to go to a high school that was actually not in my district so that I could remain with my best friends. They were a grade ahead of me, but we were besties and they WANTED me to come to that school. It was going to be great. Until school started that was.
Now they were too busy for me. They had boyfriends. Sisterhood no longer mattered. It was every girl for herself.
And lord help me if one of their guys spoke or looked at me.
Now I was a threat.
Now I was the enemy.
Ice cream hurdled across the hallway, hitting my brand new leather jacket.
Laughter ringing out.
The call of “You Slut!” from the mouth of my once best friend. The girl who wept her tears of pain when her parents divorced into my arms. The girl who we “twinned” once a week together and sunbathed on the roof of her house every summer day we could grab together.
The girl who begged me to come to this school.
It was going to be great.
We were besties.
We had each others back.
Yes here, here is where it all started.
Repeatedly I witnessed the whirlwind of emotional instability from the feminine.
Repeatedly I was daggered by my sisters as though I was a vampire out to steal their lives.
Repeatedly I was wounded, shamed, disowned by the feminine.
I was lied too.
I was lied about.
My besties, my sisters had been taken over by the mean girl syndrome.
But we were young.
We were just children still.
Things would change once I was an adult.
Women don’t act like this.
Women know how to support each other.
Women understand the pains of our adolescent years and we overcome them and heal. We rise about the mean girl syndrome and we become radiant, supportive siSTARS.
Then came my adult years.
I shut down in my twenties. I kept my friendships limited. I kept my heart limited. I focused on my family. My children. My husband. My life. My education.
The things I felt I could control.
I had a siSTAR in my life. She was amazing. Supportive. Trustworthy. She had my back. I was certain.
And I was right.
She still today, even with miles apart, years between. Words rarely shared has my back and I have her’s. There is no doubt in my mind or heart that I could call her at 2AM from anywhere in this world and cry on her shoulder, ask to stay the night, and I would do the same for her.
She is my soul siSTAR.
She is a rare light.
25 years of friendship proves this.
Then came my 30’s. I was eager, hungry and full of desire. I wanted to take on the world. I wanted to expand. I wanted to meet myself and I wanted a sisterhood. I entered the state of Texas with a mission to have just this. ALL OF THIS.
And so I did.
Or so I thought.
Quickly I had a large group of feminine support. This was my tribe. These were my sisters. We were all mom’s, we lived close to each other. We enjoyed similar things. We celebrated life weekly together. It was amazing.
The holding space for each other when shit went down with our spouses or kids.
The sharing of our fears and our desires.
This was sisterhood.
Then came the day that my dear friend said, “You know what you did. We can’t be friends anymore.”
And with her went the whole tribe.
Gone in a second.
And for what?
Still to this day, almost 10 years later I have no certain closure on this.
Accusations made while I was away on summer holiday with my family. Lies told. Stories conjured. Truth lost. Friendship lost.
Told I was guilty.
Told I was a slut.
Told I was horrible.
Told I was not fit to be in the tribe.
Abandoned by my sisters and never offered a space to speak my truth. To get answers. To set things right.
Mean girls knocking at my door again.
Statements made on social media.
Accusations and allegations of false truths.
Lord help me.
So I shut down.
I closed myself off and I isolated myself from the feminine.
I opened and did my work around the masculine.
I danced and blossomed with the help of the great men who stepped up in my life. Who held space for me.
I stepped into my goddess-hood.
Claiming I did not need the feminine.
It was not to be trusted.
It disliked me.
It hated me.
I was alone.
There was no sisterhood for me.
All but one siSTAR.
Who still remains after 10 years of friendship.
My Hawaiian goddess siSTAR. Who holds space, who laughs and shares her wisdom in times needed. Who shares her pain, her fear and tears. Her joy, her dreams, her spirit with me. Yes she has my back. This I know. This I am certain.
She is a rare light.
It holds me.
It adores me.
It craves me.
It eats me up and helps me to fly.
It scorns me.
It scares me.
It bruises my being.
It rips my heart out like a ravenous beast.
It breaks my body and stomps on my boundaries then blames me for being a woman.
I love the masculine.
I hate the masculine.
I need the feminine.
I crave my sisters.
I crave the support.
I hunger for the light.
I want to be seen as a woman and understood.
Seen that my crazy girl moments are normal.
I want to cry and not be fixed.
And just be okay.
In steps my siSTAR.
She is a rare light.
She supports me by just being.
She see’s my pain and she wants to fight for my hearts pain.
She stands firm in the wake of my storm and she casts a line to help me find harmony once again.
She uproots her whole life,
She turns herself inside out,
She shares her fears,
She holds space when she is not even trying.
She is a rare light indeed.
She is a Goddess.
She has my back and I have her’s.
This I am certain.
This is what friends do for friends, she says.
This is not what I am accustom too.
She and my fellow siSTARS through the last 25 years,
though they may be few,
they are strong,
they are Mother F*cking Goddesses.
They aim to heal them selves.
They aim to heal other’s.
They are kindred souls.
They are true siSTARS.
This is the relationships that I crave with my fellow women.
This is my tribe of goddesses.
This is my healing of wounds from my youth and wounds from theirs.
This is our life path.
This is SiSTARHOOD.
Embracing the fierceness of sisterhood.
Healing the feminine.
By allowing myself to be healed by the feminine.
Remember my fellow siSTAR Goddess,
You are worthy.
You are a rare light.
You are loved.
You are a Mother F*cking Goddess.