Release Pelvic Pain, Sexual Dysfunctioncs, Trauma & More in 2-3 months with Pelvic Floor Release

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Many evidence based studies prove that pelvic floor physical therapy is an effective treatment approach for men and women suffering from pelvic pain caused by tight muscles and restricted tissues.  The pelvic floor muscles, namely the levator ani, coccygeus and obturator internus can develop adhesions, tension or trigger points which restrict movement and cause pain.  Trigger points are palpable spasms/knots within muscle tissue and can occur in pelvic floor muscles.  Trigger points can lead to adhesions of fascia/connective tissue of the abdomen, groin, pelvic floor and even restrict the viscera (colon, uterus, bladder, prostate gland) within the pelvic bowl.

The pudendal nerves and its branches, traveling from the sacrum (back of the pelvis) and running all through the pelvic floor region innervates the vaginal/penile and rectal areas. The nerves can become squeezed as it travels through tight muscles and fascia, which then decreases optimum pelvic floor function and increases pain.

The pelvic floor muscles are located INSIDE our bodies, in women the muscles are approximately 1-2 inches up from the vaginal/rectal region and in men, the muscles are approximately 1-2 inches up from the base of the penis/rectal region.

The pelvic floor muscles are key for four functions of the body:

1) lower back/core stabilization; 2)  normal urinary function; 3) good bowel function; 4) satisfying sexual function.

As a core stabilizer, the pelvic floor works with 3 other core muscles, the Transversus Abdominus (deepest stomach muscle), Multifidus- (deep low back extensor muscle), and deep fibers of the Iliopsoas (hip flexor muscle). These 4 muscles work together to keep our core strong, flexible and prevents lower back pain. If one of the 4 core stabilizer muscles becomes weak or injured, then the other 3 muscles have to work harder to compensate. Over time this puts great strain on the whole core, which leads to back pain/stiffness/weakness.

The pelvic floor muscles are directly involved with three bodily functions, urinary, bowel and sexual.

For functional urination, the pelvic floor muscles surround the urethral opening and should relax when you are voiding and maintain closure or tension when you are not voiding.   If the muscles are in spasm, urinary symptoms such as leaking,  or feeling a strong urge to void, or having to go to the bathroom multiple times a day (called urinary frequency) and/or being awoken at night to void more than once (called nocturia), can occur.   Women using public restrooms should not “hover” over the toilet, as this sustained half squat creates tension in the pelvis and does not allow full relaxation of the sphincters around the urethra to allow full urination. Best to use the protective toilet seat covers and sit comfortably.

For normal bowel movements, the pelvic floor muscles should be able to open and widen to allow the full passage of stool. When not having a BM, the pelvic floor maintains tension at the rectal opening to prevent leakage.  If the pelvic floor is weak, leakage can occur.  If the pelvic floor is tight, constipation resulting in sitting too long at the toilet, straining to defecate can occur. Toileting should take no longer than 5 minutes following the urge to void.  Even though you may not feel completely empty, it’s better to stand and leave the bathroom  versus continue to sit and strain. Constant straining can result in hemorrhoids and/or the development of a rectocele, which further impedes good function.

For satisfying sexual function, the toned and flexible pelvic floor allows for more intense orgasms in men and women.  A fully relaxed pelvic floor helps women experience pain free intercourse with their male partners.  Many patients who are experiencing sexual pain may experience difficulty with partner relationships or even avoid them due feeling of shame or inadequacy.

Pelvic pain due to restricted muscles can be released and return to normal function, no matter how long a person has been experiencing symptoms.

Physical therapists trained and mentored in pelvic floor work can:

  • apply targeted manual therapies to rid muscles of trigger points
  • utilize biofeedback therapy to help patients learn how to either downtrain (relax) their pelvic floor or to uptrain (strengthen) the pelvic floor
  • perform visceral mobilization to improve the mobility of organs lying within the pelvic bowl
  • mobilize and teach a patient self-connective tissue (skin rolling) techniques to abolish tight skin and fascia of the inner thighs and abdomen
  • teach patients gentle stretching techniques with foam rollers, tennis balls, knobbles, Theracane,  S –wands and dilators
  • educate in exercises for a strong core
  • teach diaphragmatic breathing and visualization to help lower tension of the pelvis and to increase oxygenation to the body and decreased stress
  • guidance in cardiovascular exercise to pump more oxygen and nutrients to the tissues
  • teach proper bladder and bowel techniques and habits

Most people start to feel better after 2 months of consistent, twice a week therapy which incorporates many of the above techniques. Some reach goals sooner; others may take up to 3 months.  By attending regular pelvic floor physical therapy and performing all the home exercises, faulty pattern are reversed and many people are pain free within 2-3 months.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

Healing Your Genital Armoring

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Article by Margo Anand

Picture by kotaku.com

Body armoring is a process whereby past traumatic experiences are stored in the body’s muscle tissues. What happens is that the body’s tissues harden, creating tension and blocking energy in the area that has been traumatized. By armoring itself, the body’s intention is to reduce its vulnerability to pain. But this process has the parallel effect of reducing our capacity for feeling pleasure.

In this regard the male and female sex organs are as prone to armoring as the rest of the body and can function at a reduced level of sensitivity. In fact, because the sexual organs have been subjected to vigorous condemnation from childhood onward, the genital area has become a major storehouse of negative imprints, greatly reducing our capacity for sexual pleasure and preventing full enjoyment of orgasmic release. Think about it for a moment. Traces of the emotional content of every unsatisfactory sexual experience have been recorded in the muscular tissues of your genitals, building up tension in the area so slowly that you did not even suspect that it was happening.

In men, circumcision, early experiences of guilt and fear associated with masturbation, clumsy prostatic examinations, and a compulsion to demonstrate “masculinity” by being forceful and thrusting in lovemaking all contribute to genital armoring. This armoring can manifest itself as a hardening of the penis, causing penile insensitivity that requires extremely strong stimulation in order to achieve arousal or, by contrast, it can result in an oversensitivity and fragility of the foreskin that translates into the attitude, “Don’t touch me!” Armoring in men also manifests itself in the form of chronic tension in the anal sphincter muscles, involuntary erections, and an attitude of sexual greed – the need for repeated genital stimulation.

In women, armoring can be caused by guilty masturbation, forceful male fingering, sexual intercourse without sufficient foreplay, making love when you don’t feel like it, failing to reach orgasm, having an abortion, or undergoing a caesarean birth or a hysterectomy. These contribute to the build-up of insensitivity in tissues around the vagina and pelvis. This tension manifests itself most commonly as a subtle tightness or stiffness in a vagina that never fully relaxes, even during intercourse. As a result, it is only narrowly receptive to the male organ.

Through working with many women, I have been able to create an “armoring map” of the vagina, showing how certain types of fears are related to specific areas of the female sex organs.
• Vaginal lips: fear of opening, shame, desire to hide, a feeling of “l can’t do this!”
• Clitoris: nervousness, distrust, impatience, holding tight, like clenching your fists or teeth when you don’t want to express your anger
• Perineum and perineal sponge: difficulty letting go into pleasure, numbness
•G spot: sexual frustration as a result of faking orgasm, performance anxiety, feeling inadequate, pushing for orgasm and not getting it
•Vagina canal around cervix: anger, expecting the worst, neediness, feeling like a victim, abortions, and childbirth traumas
If you are not sure whether genital armoring applies to you, try answering these questions. Think about them slowly rather than giving a reflex response:
Women: Were you forced into sexual intercourse or sexual manipulation at an early age, before you were ready?

Have you ever made love because your partner was turned on, even though you didn’t feel like it?

Have you ever felt your partner left you “hanging in mid-air” while he was already “over the edge”?

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

Men: Have you ever made love as a performance, even though you had no enthusiasm for it?

Have you ever found yourself so busy giving pleasure to your woman that you forgot about your own pleasure?

Both: During sex have you ever found to your dismay that you couldn’t feel anything “down there”?

Have you ever made love as way of avoiding confrontation with your partner or covering up your anger?

Have you ever believed that everyone else was sexual and orgasmic, while you were lagging way behind, feeling just a trickle of a sensation?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably have some body armoring in your genitals. This armoring also translates into psychological attitudes -for instance, feeling uncomfortable talking about your sexuality or your genitals, or feeling discomfort when your lover examines your genitals. Working with hundreds of people, I have found that armoring seriously inhibits sexual sensitivity and therefore blocks deeper pleasure. I have also found that it is difficult for people to be open to the ecstasy of High Sex until the whole genital and anal area has been cleaned of imprints left by negative sexual experiences. Only through direct, hands-on, loving massage around and inside the genital area can we effectively heal these past wounds and transform pain into, pleasure. To do this we need to direct our full attention and acceptance to the way our genitals feel.

When the penis is healed, it becomes flexible, warm, and vibrantly alive when erect. In addition to the stimulation provided by vigorous sexual intercourse, this increased sensitivity enables the man to receive pleasure by resting his penis in the vagina in a gentle, relaxed, non-demanding way. Prior to healing, he may not have been able to feel anything without continued stimulation.

When the vagina is healed, it becomes naturally yielding, soft, and welcoming, allowing a sense of trust and playfulness in lovemaking. The vaginal muscles are elastic and respond to the penis by massaging it naturally.

Love and acceptance are the key ingredients for healing. That is why we need to understand the meaning of loving ourselves and our bodies before we can even think of making love with another person. Only then are we fully ready and available for the joys of ecstatic lovemaking.

READ Entire Artice at Tantra.com (No Longer Available)

That Shameful Yoga Ass

Sometimes you have to question the reasoning that people have to allow for such improper events to occur. What am I speaking of?  Parenting choices and the personal level of respect that we help our children to have for themselves. As a mother myself this very thought topic effects many of my choice’s day to day. What sort of example am I setting for them? How do they perceive my happiness, comfort in self, self-esteem and love of self? Are they seeing a strong, morally sound, well centered, loving woman or are they seeing an ill, repressed, confused, emotionally unstable, blaming woman who cannot get through her own garbage?

The fact of the matter in my life is that I have come to a state of being where I am who I am in each moment.  I am an emotional creature as god wired me so, but I am not quick to erupt or tormented by past traumas that I cannot seem to release to the shadows of a time gone by and lessons learned. The harmony outside of my physical body stems from the inner peace, self-love, acceptance and realization that reality is what it is in the present moment.  I have learned through the course of time and many harsh lessons that I am perfect and divine just the way I am and in however I choose to show up in the moment. There is no need to make apologies for being.  This is what I hope to share with my children, peace, acceptance and self awareness.  But how do we share these lessons? How do we make certain that we are walking the walk of the internal guru? How do we really know that our children see and hear these valuable life models of being?

Let me share a story.

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“It was a cold dreary day and the power kept resetting as the storm blew through causing our clocks to be off by who knows how many minutes. Mornings are always a quick moving, testing time within my home as three of my children have to be awoken from their slumber, eat breakfast, get lunches made, signatures in planners and the biggest ordeal, their shoes on. Like all mornings this was happening except with the time being wrong, we ran late and I decided that I would drive them the two blocks in the rain and wind instead of them getting cold and soaked as well as any later by walking.  We get to the school and they say goodbye and I love you as they slam the car doors shut and make a mad dash to the front doors of the school. Just then my attention goes from mommy mode and taxi driver to a deep breath. As I inhaled my ears opened and I tuned into the radio station that was playing in the car. The hosts on the station were having a deep conversation about some of the current events happening in some of our local schools. They were sharing that a few middle schools and even a high school (I think) were passing new dress codes, as the schools had come to the conclusion that yoga pants should not be allowed to be worn as every day dress.  

One male host shared his take that the parents allowing their daughters to wear yoga pants were just trying to be “cool parents” instead of instilling in their child a proper way of dressing and how when one dresses in this uncouth manner (yoga wear/exercise wear/COMFORT wear) that they are actually causing issues for others.  The focus was not on the girls comfort and ability to JUST BE THEMSELVES but on how the boy’s in school were being tormented by the yoga booties and that girls need to take full responsibility for the boy’s reactions. “

What about jeans?

Who remember’s the perfectly fitting, beautiful ass showing Rocky Mountain Jeans from the 80’s?

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Okay, so I get that I am not the average parent or individual for that matter in my viewing of things and how I process what the world brings to me. I get that I am far more open and a realist to life when it comes to everything especially my children and them growing up. But seriously, this whole talk seemed to be on shaming young women ages 11-18 for wearing yoga pants.  And to this the shame that is being bestowed on this group of young women carries out into the world to ALL women. And effects ALL males.

My questions to this topic of shameful yoga bootie are:

Is there anything that does not turn on or side track a young man when he is in his hormone high season?

What is more empowering to young men and women: teaching that someone else is responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions (thus happiness or lack thereof) or that we are the creators of our inner world, it is OUR choice to focus on what thought, feeling or action we have or make?

Is socially shaming anyone or a group for something really benefiting the morality of the whole?

If a woman or girl who is wearing “yoga pants” is raped or sexually assaulted should we let the poor blinded boy/man off the hook because it was actually the girls fault?

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By shaming a young woman for this or a young man for something else are we really creating a healthy sexual future for this person(s)?

If we allow tank tops, tighter fitting t-shirts, yoga pants, or whatever else comes up to be illegal attire for everyday wear for young women because it side tracks the boys then should we also start having young women bind their bosoms so that their forming breasts do not side track the young men?

How about we just cover young developing women up from head to toe; only allowing their eyes to be revealed so that the boys can learn how to suppress and get a grip on their hormones and desires?

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The fact of the matter here is we exist in a sexually repressed culture.  One where more and more people are turning inward and shutting down. Depression, anxiety, sexual issues, mental illness, anger, fatigue, and dis-ease are all at an all time high. More and more cases of people suffering from being bipolar, ADD, ADHD, and stress induced illnesses are being reported.  Sexual crimes and abuse in many fashions are also growing at phenomenal rates. Our fear for the young women in yoga pants is that they will fall prey to someone who has not learned how to deal with their sexuality in a healthy fashion. We also fear that if young men are surrounded by too much mental stimulation that they will burst and become one of these ill acting sexually challenged souls.

As parents, teachers and a society we want the best for our youth but we really have no clue of how to create it. The reason for this is because we are all victims raised by victims and has been programmed to believe that our sexuality is the source of all evil. Okay so maybe you were taught that money was the source of all evil, well money and sexuality is what causes ALL the worlds’ pain, suffering and demise.  MmmmHmmmm! Sure.

Pain, suffering, ill behaviors, war, terror, rape, and more are all caused not by money and sexuality but by power hungry ego thoughts that manifest into actions of control. When we start to believe that someone else is responsible for making us happy, providing for our love, our bliss, our stress release and that if they do not do the right things and give us what we “need” then they are causing us suffering in some fashion so we have to TAKE it or at least try taking it (forcing our will onto another), we have the true culprit of suffering.

By teaching our young male population that a girl should not do this, say that, wear this, listen to that or act some certain way we are in fact teaching the young male population that their thoughts and actions should be based on what someone else is “causing” them to feel or think. This is not being proactive for the self. We are also sending mixed teachings to young men saying that it is okay for a man to speak, do, act, go topless, etc.  But not a female, thus teaching that man rules woman. In the same essence we tell boys to respect women and treat them like ladies, yet we pump our media, games and movies full of the reverse. We worry about young men seeing a girl in yoga pants and a t-shirt at school and getting a hard on but we have no worries about the porn he has on his phone, his computer or the virtual women he is in combat with that are almost naked and portraying women in a plastic sense. We tell young men to not act on their sexual desires as they are sinful or sex is only for marriage or a committed relationship, that masturbation is nasty or dirty, yet when we walk into a store or turn on the TV we are bombarded with sexual advertising and shows and games that show the opposite. The same goes for young women.

The policy change on yoga pants for some schools will not prevent boys from being sidetracked or have sexual desires and act on them, but these policies will go to feeding the sexual shame and repression that so many women suffer from. The next generation will have one more lashing of shame to overcome. Sadly the young men of today who are being tormented by this shameful yoga ass will in future years  be tormented in a much more severe way. That once hot yoga ass girl will not be able to open up to deep loving penetration and orgasm with her lover because through the years the suppression of who she was and the ability to be comfortable in herself and in the pants she chose to wear will cause her to block physical and emotional feeling. She will need healing for shame and taught how her sexuality is empowering not sinful. That is IF she awakens to why she feels so lost, so ill, repressed, confused, emotionally unstable, blaming  and possibly even suicidal. IF she can find the courage 20-30 years down the road to deal with her garbage that was tossed into her youth by a sexually repressed and ill society.

Some do, most don’t. Welcome to the world of pharmaceutical drugs, street drugs, alcohol, 70% divorce rates, affairs, domestic abuse and emotional whirl-winds!!!!

–KW

Awakening Truth – Shaming the Vulva

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Over the last few years I have been working with men, women and couple’s. It has been an amazing path of self discovery for me as I work with everyone. One of many things that I have awoken to is how closed our society really is in the field of pleasure and sexuality. Yet we are over taken by these two things at the same time.  How is that we can constantly be sold merchandise with the appeal that if we get this or that it will make us happier, sexier, more satisfied, increase our love/sex lives and bring us bliss, yet still say that pleasure and yes sexual pleasure is not good; we should not crave it? Yet we do.

At the core of pleasure and sex for many people are our genitals. Our pussies and cocks or those of our lovers. We long to touch, taste, penetrate and feel the deep orgasmic pleasure roll through our bodies and watch this pleasure as well as feel it accumulate and release throughout our lovers. Yet because sex and pleasure are so taboo in society we really have no idea what we are doing and how best to achieve maximum results from ourselves or with a partner(s). This is especially the case with women and their vajaja’s.

It has been statistically stated that over 60% of women say that they know VERY little about their vaginas. And if this is true then how is it possible for men to ever have a sound knowledge of how to please us or our vulvas/vaginas?

edit 1 for websiteThe main reason for us women to not have a strong understanding of our most intimate pleasure palace is because since we were small children our parents and society have been telling us that, “ladies, don’t touch themselves like that.” “Ladies, don’t sit like that, or think those things, eat like that, crave that, act like that, and so on and so forth.” Yet young boys can run around without a shirt on, and touch themselves, groan, grunt, fart, make jokes and even if they get busted masturbating we say as a society, “boy’s will be boy’s.” We assume that because a boy does not have fatty tissue and milk ducts in the same way that a girl does that his bare chest is not obscene.  So why do we find our bodies obscene anyway? Do we find the body of our new born infant something that is grotesque and obscene? Do we look at a baby’s bottom as something that is yucky? NO. We adore these sweet “innocent” moments in our children’s youth. Girl or boy we see the beauty, we embrace the sweetness and we adore each moment, yet as a child ages we shame our children into believing that their flesh is something to feel bad about.  We teach them this and yet they sit down and every underwear, perfume, condom, and even many food, travel and alcohol commercials tell them that the flesh is something to crave and pleasure. The mixed programming causes us to mistrust society, our peers, our lovers and most of all OURSELVES.

Somewhere in the middle of these two opposite messages is the truth of what we as humans NEED. There is nothing wrong, shameful, disgusting, obscene or otherwise ill about anyone’s body or longing to feel pleasure in any form of the sense. What is wrong is to suppress these longings and shun then as though they were demons, causing self-hatred and sexual dysfunctions. Only through self-love can we truly learn to open and love another. And in our self-loving we embrace our human needs and desires for pleasure. We learn to heal through pleasure, both giving and receiving it and we open the doorway to new paradigms of relationship in all areas of our life.

Opening My Petals to Shame

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In my youth I was very inquisitive about my vulva and vagina and still am. I was amazed by every aspect of it. To the point that I would get my little boy friend to help me explore all of its petals. I wanted to experience what everything felt like. Much like a baby who puts everything in its mouth to discover what it is, I was playfully experiencing myself. I loved playing doctor or trying to reenact something that I had seen on the television in some movie or something. I was nosey as heck and dug through my father’s “personal” space and found some old Playboys that had beautiful pictures of naked or partially nude women. I adored looking at these pictures and of course even in my youth I compared what mine looked like to the models.

frjfrejgioeLuckily for me I grew up in a household where my mother was an older mom and was from Europe. My father was an out of the box thinker, whom often disagreed with societal norms even though he was extremely logical and programmed by a long genealogy of structure and societal standings. My mother was extremely open about sex with me and was more than willing to share her personal stories and answer any questions I might bring up. Yet, even though she was open about the topic she still was damaged and needed her own healing. She could only answer for me and share with me to the point of her understanding and level of consciousness about sex and pleasure. And because she was my mother, she also had the nurturing worry that goes with the god given job. She wanted my safety and she wanted me to be smart about things.  So there were plenty of times that I experienced shame in my youth from just exploring myself. Each time I got caught playing house or doctor in the nude with my little boyfriend, I felt shame. Every time I was interrupted in my shower masturbation games or bathtub pleasuring acts, I felt shame and embarrassment. When I took one of my dad’s Playboy’s to school in the 4th grade (a parochial Catholic school) and got busted by my teacher, I felt tremendous embarrassment, now I had not only shamed myself but my parents as well.  Each time I played up some steamy hot sex scenes with my barbies and my mom or dad walked in, I felt shame. Slowly as years past I learned that it was not acceptable to look at, touch, play with, explore or share these parts of myself. I became shameful and embarrassed of myself!!! My flesh, my internal word, my desires and my pleasures. So I suppressed them for the most part.

Even in my early sexual relationships I could not fully open to the pleasure and love that was before me. I was fearful that my lover would think poorly of my hungers. I was afraid that if I shared in great detail what I really wanted to experience or how I wanted or where I wanted to be touched, kissed, pleasured that my lover would think I was disgusting or crazy. I was concerned over the potential loss of this lover more then I was concerned about sharing pleasure in fullness with them. Of course, my lover would ask me, “What are your fantasies, your desires. How do you want to be touched? Does that feel good?” But I did not know if I could honestly answer and not be judged. And in a few occasions I did allow myself to be revealed and felt tremendous pleasure, but because of my back programs I woke the following morning questioning myself and feeling strange about my pleasure. As if it was wrong.

Healing through the Pleasure Palace

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My story is similar to many women’s tales. Granted there is so much more to all of our stories and programming then this short overview and many of us women have suffered through some sort of sexual trauma that has only supported our shame, embarrassment and self-hatred or misunderstanding.  Yet at some point in all of our lives we find ourselves at a crossroad, asking “What’s wrong with us?”

Why am I not happy?

Why does sex not feel good to me?

Why do I feel addicted to sex yet not satisfied from sex?

Why do I always attract the same type of man?

Why can I not love myself more, feel life more, connect more?

Why am I not getting over ________?

Why is that a good book or movie and bowl of my favorite yummieness is better than sex with my lover?

Why am I so emotionally unstable?

Why can’t I have an orgasm?

Why do I always fake it?

Does any of this really matter anyway?

The answer to these questions and many others can be discovered on a sexual healing path. One that leads us women into the depths of our vaginal canals where we can discover a great pool of self-love, healing, passion, feeling, intimacy and all sorts of forms of pleasure. Only through going into the source of where we store our repressed emotions, our shame and fears can we learn how to release them in a safe and loving fashion and fully except ourselves. By doing this we can call into our lives lovers, friends, and life partners that will except us and support us at the level that we need.

ndsaAny woman who finds the courage to take the step down a sexual healing path will quickly awaken to how powerful the path is and then to how powerful SHE is! In Tantra and many other sexuality practices such as One Taste, the first steps to healing come from revealing our petals and allowing another to actually accept us in a non-sexual, loving fashion. The immense healing energy of having yourself revealed fully, to be naked in every sense of the word in front of another human being and then to hear them say, “ You are beautiful, divine, perfect.” To hear them describe what they see in total acceptance and unconditional love as though they were marveling at some famous painters work. This step on the path to healing starts the opening of our hearts to ourselves. It allows for us to experience ourselves in a way many of us woman have not.

The sexual path of healing is a long and ever changing one. An individual has to be willing to not expect an outcome in any particular time-frame and has to be willing to face their inner darkness as well as their inner beauty within any given moment. The emotions, thoughts, ego and the soul of what comes up for us is something new each time. With each session we open ourselves a crack more and allow for more trauma to be released and greater pleasure to be expanded upon within us. We “clear” slowly the many levels of our psyche and physical blockages to pleasure and within time learn to open up the channels to our souls and heart.

As we walk this orgasmic path of healing we release shame of our vaginas. We learn to embrace our flesh and our desires. We come into communion with our higher selves. Here in the valley of our vagina we discover our pleasure, our truth.

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In the unmasking of this truth we awaken to our divine nature. Through, its unveiling process of sexual healing practices we also open the book of personal knowledge and become that child again, exploring ourselves, giving ourselves permission to feel, to taste, to look, to act, to PLAY and to embrace others to do the same.

We stop fearing and we start living! Living the abundant, orgasmic, pleasurable life that we were intended on having. With our orgasm we gift this world with love and radiance. We increase happiness and connection. With our ability to receive pleasure we gift our lovers with an intensity of passion and creative energy. We reveal to them our self-love and acceptance and thus show them a vast horizon of pleasure, love and acceptance for them as well. Here is the gate of intimacy! Even if it is with a first time lover…

–KW

The Health Benefits of Tantra

tantracouplesexWhen people hear the word Tantra, they usually think of kinky sex and sex positions in the Kama Sutra. They find their way to it by desiring to enhance their sex life. That’s okay for starters. However you find your way is however you find your way.

But then to find it to be so much more than enhanced sex gratification – what a surprise! I have found many unexpected health benefits from practicing this ancient form of meditation and related breath practices.

I began Tantra like most people, thinking it would enhance sex making it hotter and maybe even wilder. I had no idea back then how powerful Tantra was to become in every aspect of my life.

Very soon, after embarking on this path, I became aware of a quieting down in the mind, something I had been trying to accomplish for years to no avail. This alone helped me to reduce my stress levels.  But that’s not all; that was only the beginning.

Now, after 14 years of practicing Tantra, I am aware that I am not suffering anymore about anything physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Did I know this would happen to me? No way.

Tantra roughly translated means “to weave” body, mind and spirit. What this literally means is that you can expand your whole being through increased awareness of your senses, feelings and energy. This includes awareness of your breath – the basis of all forms of meditation – with the addition of your sexual energy increasing your ability to feel – specifically feel pleasure – very different from other forms of meditation.

So how can Tantra affect your health?  Why is it a holistic form of healing?

Basically people feel little if anything. They are mostly living their lives inside of their thoughts, judgments, evaluations and assessments: living in their heads. When their bodies give signals, they miss or ignore them because they are trained to value only what the mind thinks. So most people are numb or they do not feel very good. When they do feel, it appears that they feel bad, sick, hurt, victimized. There is very little room for pleasure. As a matter of fact, they feel little to no pleasure at all. Pleasure shows up as anticipation rather than a sensual experience, one that is felt in the body.

Remember really wanting something like a new car? Then when you got it, the pleasure didn’t last very long, maybe until the first scratch. It wasn’t the feeling you expected from acquiring a new car, was it?

The mind can imagine something or other will bring us a feeling of pleasure, but it actually takes the body to feel it. For many people, feeling strongly passionately was discouraged. We were told we had to stay in control of ourselves, of our emotions. Things were said to us like, “Why do you feel like that? That’s not rational.”

So, we learned to bury our feelings and experience life in our heads. Our bodies became useful for wearing decorative adornments (attraction) and for getting us somewhere, like from meeting to meeting (minimal movement). In essence our bodies have become something we do to or use in certain ways, but not a source of inner knowledge. Not bad, just not pleasurable; not healthy either.

Many people have become automatons rushing to work, doing, doing, doing.  But when it comes time to relax, take a breath, we cannot seem to do it. For most people, it’s a little frightening to stop and focus on breathing.

When we look to find our pleasure, even erotic pleasure, there seems to never be enough time. Because we’re so disconnected, sex doesn’t live up to our expectations.  Or maybe, just maybe, all those feelings we’ve been holding down are likely to come rushing up and we can’t have that, can we?

That’s right, feelings, emotions, senses, intuition, memories will often come up during sex. And then what do we do? Who has time for that anyway? What if we go out of control? Who wants to experience that?

You do! I do!

Why is this so important?

You want to feel all of those feelings so you can increase your capacity for pleasure. It’s your birthright to feel pleasure and it’s an aspect of life to feel. In essence, it’s honoring yourself.

When you start this way of breathing and sensing, you will naturally feel better, happier, passionate, more alive. The operative word here is “naturally.” It is our nature to feel.

Okay, how? Why does this have anything to do with Tantra?

In Tantra, we learn to breathe along with doing Kegel exercises and making sounds. So, we learn how to breathe properly. Then we add sphincter muscle and PC muscle contractions to build a charge in our own body using the vital life force – sexual energy. This enables us to feel all our feelings.

Once we feel them, we learn to release stored toxic feelings and memories from the past. We also learn to transmute the sexual energy into a spiritual connection with our “higher selves.”

The result is eradication of feelings of shame and guilt as well as any other trauma we may have experienced earlier in our lives that’s has been stored in our cellular memory.

The outcome = pleasure, permission for unabashed life at it’s fullest – body, mind and spirit connected working in union.

Remember I began Tantra thinking it would enhance sex. I had no idea how my life would really change. Had I known, I would have become interested in Tantra earlier in life. Is sex hotter? Yes. Is that all? No. It’s so much more.

The Holistic Benefits Of Practicing Tantra:

1. Feel great about yourself – more attractive, self-confident, increase your capacity for more pleasure, experience joy and fulfillment as a way of life.

2. Empower your well-being – eliminate toxins, eliminate stress – accept yourself for who you are & release deep painful cellular memories; feel safe and whole.

3. Focus – set your intentions, do the practices and watch the laws of attraction bring what you want i.e. life partner, more money, career change

4. Uplift your relationships – see others for who they really are, relate to their deep divine nature and trust your intuition

5. Experience the expression of your deepest emotions. Know rapture, love, passion and beyond! Become your own beloved!

By Laurie Handlers:

www.ButterflyWorkshops.com is a sex educator, author, and intimacy coach. She holds a Masters in Education and a Bachelor’s in Psychology and Sociology. Her career includes over thirty years as a corporate change consultant, individual empowerment coach and international seminar leader. She’s a dynamic speaker, facilitator and has taught transformational workshops for women, men, couples, singles, parents and teens since 1978 on communication techniques and secrets that are the basis of healing the body, releasing past emotional trauma, stopping the aging process, and reducing stress. Pod casts from her show Sex and Happiness can be found atwww.WebTalkRadio.net. Laurie stars in a hilarious indie documentary “Tantric Tourists” and her new film “Beyond Dinner” just won best short feature award at the Erotikos Film Festival 2012. Her book Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy and her CD “Shamanic Release & Latihan” are samples of her offerings.

Original Posting

The rise of the designer vagina….

 “I’d much prefer that she is comfortable with herself versus being neurotically insecure enough to get surgery.”

–Male response when asked in a survey

Over the course of the last 20 years since I first became sexually active at age 16 I have gone through many a cycle in the understanding and openness of my own body. Early on in life as a small child I was in love with my fleshy body and that of my male childhood friend’s. Both of us would have a blast sneaking off to one of our tree houses or under some bushes somewhere to explore each other’s “private regions.” I was accepting, curious and very eager to explore and be explored. My childhood boyfriend, Curtis, looking back was far more timid at our games then I was. I was always pushing to try to figure things out, asking for him to touch me here, or wanting to touch him there. Playing doctor was one of my favorite games.  As I grew though I developed an insecurity with my body and by the time I was 12 and had my first period I was almost scared of it. I constantly compared myself to my best friend Michelle who was already voluptuous in curves and I felt like I was this tall thin wall. Her body was beautiful in my eye’s and I wanted to look like her( after all she resembled the girls in the magazines my dad read). As time went on I found myself even more uncomfortable in my own skin yet boys were chasing. Even though I adored their attention I remained closed and did not accept any dates while my best friend Michelle was off and having the time of her teen years.

Finally at 15 I met a boy who was a few years older then me and I felt instantly connected to. With him, I longed that he would ask to be  the one to take my virginity, I quivered in each breath of anticipation hoping he would touch me, and desperately wanted that first kiss. Finally the kiss came and with it came months of what I now know was tantric training. After a year of dating and him teaching me that I was beautiful, could trust him, should enjoy my body and love it we finally made love. In this event I found myself birthed into a new reality of my sex energy. I discovered a rapture that I could not fathom before in all my masturbating and fantasies. Still uncomfortable to a degree with my female genitalia, I did slowly learn that it was a glorious event to make love in the sunshine in a field, or a meadow, under a bridge or in daylight in one of our beds. He taught me that being open and connected to myself was powerful and sexy. But, time changes and relationship serve their purpose, our paths were not to stay in this form and we parted ways. After that relationship I found myself shutting down and fearful, almost as though I were regressing to age 12. Even though I was married now and my husband said he loved my pussy and could not get enough of it, I found his hunger for it almost disgusting at times. He would describe how beautiful he found it in looks, taste and smell. He would tell me that I felt incredible wrapped around him. Unfortunately, I did not feel the same way about myself as he did about me. I was out of love within myself and could not see my beauty. It became so bad that I started to even walk pigeon toed, I could not make eye contact with anyone for a significant time and the thought of self pleasuring myself was not even in the same zip code. Even though I stayed sexually active, sex to me was about my duty to my husband, my contract, and keeping my security and family together. Sex was not for pleasure unless I had had too much to drink and needed a good hard fuck.

Detached from my body, disgusted at it matter a fact, I found myself craving a way that I could “fix” this ugly mess of a woman that I had become. After all I had kids and was aging by the day. I would look in the mirror and all I could see were a bunch of flaws. One day, I even took a mirror and looked into the forbidden zone of my pussy. OMFG! things were not the neat and tidy little  package that I recalled from age 6. How did this mess happen? Motherhood! Sex when I did not want it. Lack of vaginal exercises. And my boobs, let’s not even talk about it…

So I made up my mind, I had to have plastic surgery. I mentally fixated on it actually. My husband told me that he loved me and thought I was perfect just the way I was (in my mind, he was lying, he had to say that or he may never get lucky again). However I knew that plastic surgery would not be the only solution and this designer vagina surgery was not even heard of yet, at least not for the everyday woman. I figured that my best bet was to get physically fit, loose the baby weight, tone up, get a tan and then a boob job. In this I was kindly reminded about kegal exercises and vaginal weight-lifting balls. So it became my daily practice and once I reached all my goals I was off to get the finishing touches of “perfect” breasts. Or so I thought…

Years later- I was reawakened to sexual healing practices. Tantra crept back into my life as well as other spiritual practices and some psychology training. I had now developed a strong foundation of understanding about nutrition and the spiritual and psychological training filled my vessel with the knowledge that I needed and opened a pathway to real healing.

Instead of plastic surgery and constant roller coaster diets, depression medications and hopeless physical changes that came from doctors, I found a real cure for this self-disgust and un-comfort in my own flesh. I discovered how to fall in-love with myself again and in doing so I ended up manifesting some pretty incredible lovers into my life that all supported my new love for self.

Unlike before I actually believed and adored the loving comments and even though I really did not need them at this point, I still cherished each word. These men shared with me in great detail how they hungered for me, how wonderful I felt, tasted, smelt. How they wanted more and thought of me when we were apart. They shared that they adored my ability to be open, explorative, playful and confident in my own skin. Every now and then I would feel like maybe I should still get that boob job, so I would test the waters with a lovers reaction and share about how I was talking with someone and breast enhancement came up. I would ask my lover how he felt about it? Over and over again, each lover would say, ” All breasts are beautiful and good. I love them. Yours are perfect I am so glad that they are real, I love kissing and  touching them.”

Bye, bye breast insecurity. Hello breast love.

phone 7111 011-1The same thing is true with the vulva. Any woman who is feeling like her pussy is not as perfect as the porn stars or that she needs to change this part of her body needs to:

  • Get familiar with your pussy (look at it from every angle)
  • Get down and dirty with yourself (make love to yourself, allow your fingers to explore and taste yourself)
  • Get a confidence boost by making love to a partner in the day light
  • Ask your partner to slow down and look at your vulva. Ask your partner to describe what they see.
  • Get a real confidence boost by pleasuring yourself in front of a lover. It is amazing how you will quickly fall in love with yourself when you realize that your partner is getting really heated up by watching you and seeing this part of your being exposed in love and vulnerabilty.
  • Do Tantric Art Therapy to awaken your inner goddess and start your sexual healing
  • Get busy doing your vaginal workouts to strengthen your internal muscles and build confidence
  • Learn or go to a Tantric Coach/Practitioner that help re-establish the proper feeling, blood flow and energy to your vulva and vagina
  • Release stored trauma in your genital areas.
  • Get educated on ancient sexual healing knowledge that can help restore the appearance and feel of your vulva and vagina.

These are a few things that can change your life. Your confidence and love for self. And the best part is that No doctors, knives, or needles are needed. You won’t have a scare that will cause you other forms of insecurity and you will have learned that being authentically you is PERFECT!!!!

–KW

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 The rise of the designer vagina…

Genital surgery is one of the fastest growing areas of plastic surgery Nicola Conville looks at the reasons why demand has increased for labiaplasty surgeries In our quest for perfection and amid a growing obsession with body image, it seems women now have a new part of the anatomy to worry about – our vaginas. Genital plastic surgery is one of the fastest-growing areas in cosmetic surgery, and one of the most popular procedures being requested – mostly by young women – is a labiaplasty. A labiaplasty – or labial rejuvenation – is a procedure whereby the inner labia, or labia minora, get trimmed back so they look more “tucked in”. The surgery is generally done under a local anaesthetic, so the patient is awake while it is being performed. The process takes around 90 minutes and you can walk out of the surgery, returning to normal activities within a few days – except for sex, which you should hold off for four to six weeks.

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The reason for the rise

“There has been a huge surge in the past five years of people looking to get genital surgery, and the vast majority of these are getting a labiaplasty, vaginoplasty (vaginal tightening) or liposuction in the pelvic area or labia,” says Dr Laith Barnouti, a leading Sydney plastic surgeon. Barnouti says that currently around 20 per cent of his clients are coming in for genital surgery. The youngest to date was 14, the oldest in her mid-sixties. A 2010 report also found that the number of clinically necessary procedures   – that is, not solely for cosmetic reasons – performed by private practitioners nearly doubled in recent years. So why are women requesting this procedure? There are a few reasons, says Barnouti, including feeling “socially embarrassed… people can’t wear certain types of bathers, people feel embarrassed in intimate situations”. But the reasons go beyond the aesthetic, he claims. “Labiaplasty and vaginoplasty are often performed due to a medical condition – people actually have it for a functional reason,” Dr Barnouti says. “Labial hypertrophy – enlargement or sagging of the labia – can be unhealthy and unhygienic.” Vaginoplasty, which is usually performed on women who have a weakened perineum after giving birth, is a “restorative, reconstructive procedure”, says Barnouti. “This is something completely different from, say, liposuction, which is a purely cosmetic procedure.”

femalevuvlas

What is normal?

But are women having genital surgery for other reasons – to please a boyfriend perhaps, or because they feel their vagina is not normal? Do women actually hate the appearance of their vulvas so much that they will have parts of them surgically removed? The 2008 UK documentary The Perfect Vagina explored the reasons why women opt for this type of surgery, and found that many do it because they’ve been teased by someone close to them about the way their genitals look, or have just decided their vagina looks abnormal. In the documentary, Professor Linda Cordoza, a leading UK gynaecologist, says while women are much more aware of what’s available in terms of plastic surgery procedures, it doesn’t necessarily mean they know what’s normal. “There’s been a huge trend towards bikini waxing, doing things with your pubic hair as well as the hair on your head. So [women think] if you can have cosmetic surgery done to your face, you can also have cosmetic surgery done on your genitals.” Cordoza says. “I sometimes get two or three generations of women in the same family coming in saying they want their labia trimmed.”

nicentidyvulva

The role of pornography

Our perception of what is normal is most definitely clouded by the proliferation of pornographic images featuring women with smaller, tucked in – and often heavily airbrushed – private parts. As women, we don’t often see vaginas other than our own, so if the only images we see are of highly airbrushed genitals, naturally many of us are going to assume that what we have is “different” or “abnormal”. Melinda Tankard Reist is a media commentator and author of Big Porn Inc and Getting Real – Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls (Spinifex Press). She believes pornography is a big driver in the rise in cosmetic surgery. “Girls are made to feel inadequate and think that there’s something wrong with their perfectly natural, healthy bodies. And boys are expecting girls to provide the porn star experience,” Reist says. Reist adds that it’s important women pass on positive body image messages to their daughters, and that cosmetic surgeons should play their part by refusing to operate on very young women, rather than “capitalising on the body angst of girls”. Barnouti says women contemplating any type of cosmetic surgery should be doing it for themselves, not anyone else. “What we do here is for the patient, not their partner,” Barnouti says. “If you’re going to have a procedure, have it for yourself. Just because someone makes a negative comment doesn’t mean you should change your whole body.”

Labiaplasty – the facts

The procedure: A labiaplasty takes around 90 minutes and patients are usually under twilight sedation – either local anaesthetic or IV sedation – meaning they are awake for the surgery. During the procedure the surgeon removes a wedge-shaped piece of tissue and re-attaches the labium so the inner lips no longer protrude beyond the outer lips. The recovery: Three to four days for normal activities, including going back to work, but avoid exerting yourself physically. You can’t run or jog for two weeks, and no sex for four to six weeks. The stitches used are usually dissolvable. The cost: Labiaplasty costs around $4000 to $5000 if you have private healthcare cover, otherwise you can expect to add another $2000. To be available under Medicare it must be deemed clinically necessary.

Original Post from Body and Soul

The Tormented Devil- Jealousy and Rage

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“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” – Robert A. Heinlein

One of the most feared emotions in relations and yet it seems to run rabid in society and many actually have grown into the belief that this monster is a deeper sign of love for someone when in fact it is an ego statement saying,” I am insecure in myself and untrusting of love in general.” This monster is often the awakener of its side-kick that can not only harm emotionally but also physically. When a person is under the possession of these two, they may feel trapped, chained into an internal world where they are no more than a witness in a prison cell to chaos and torture being inflicted upon their lives and loved ones.

What am I speaking of?

Jealousy & Rage!

According to the dictionary jealousy is:

1. Jealousresentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

2.Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

3.Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

4.A jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

For the sake of today’s musing I am going to focus on the second definition of this emotion. Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc. When we look at this definition we see that jealousy is mainly caused out of a lack of being present in the moment or within our relationship. Anytime mental uneasiness comes forth and you find yourself buying into the game of fear you know that you are not dealing with love or spirit. What you have here is nothing more than ego tapping at your mental window and pulling at your past traumas and insecurities to make your heart pound stronger and your gut tighten. If you allow ego to play this movie for you then you will certainly be handing over the reins of your life to a nasty monster that can and most often does destroy relationships.

anger expression and christmas 035Jealousy that leads to rage is not always brought on by the threat of a physical rival in a relationship such as another lover or mate. Often jealousy raises its head over other events such as a spouse who wants more attention from their partner and is jealous over what seems like excess time being spent with the children or a project. It can rise up big time when one partner decides that they want transformation and healing in their life and start to take the steps toward achieving this. In this action the partner who is seeking growth will be changing their personal vibration to life and if their mate does not decide to keep up there will be a pulling apart of energies and the mate that is not growing or is growing at a slower pace will feel a tremendous pull in the energy between them and their partner. This energy will start to act like an ever growing canyon separating the two. When this happens fear strikes and jealousy sets in shortly followed by anger and rage. This is why we see and hear so many tales of horrible relationship break-ups and even physical, emotional and mental abuse happening. These tactics are ego’s attempt to pull the growing partner back into the same vibration as the one who is not wanting to advance in that same direction.

anger expression and christmas 070I can share personally a time of my life that this very act of ego happened. Years ago I was introduced to the spiritual technology of Kabbalah, I fell in love with the teachings and quickly found myself at home within the community. Excited each week to attend my study group, get tutoring from my teacher and connection with my study buddy and mentors I would eagerly get everything on the home front ready and settled, kids school stuff taken care of, dinner, etc. before I would make the mad dash off to my meeting. Under the belief that my partner supported my growth because after many years of being together we had both been big crusaders of personal growth and advancement. Sadly in this particular case my growth was causing a vibrational upheaval and calling forth the darkness that had grown in our relationship and in each of us. My partner was now being faced with insecurities, jealousy and mental uneasiness. Fear had set in and ego was now his master many a night at my return from class. It became so that I would find myself hating the drive home, I did not even want to face the music of his wrath, I dreaded walking through the doors of our home to find him drinking and sulking, giving me the third degree on things and treating me as though we were in a court of law and I was on trial. At this time of my life I could not understand what was happening. I did not know why he was always so upset about my practice, what I was learning and what I was bringing back to share. As my advancement in my studies grew I came slowly to the awareness that our relationship was on VERY rocky ground and I found myself being posed with some hard choices.

Do I keep growing on this spiritual path and pushing forward regardless of anyone’s acceptance or resistance to it? Or, do I succum to his wants and walk away from the Light that I was experiencing from this path and growth?

Looking back on our past, on my path and on what I wanted to manifest in this life I knew that I could not step away from my core desires for growth again like I had done repeatedly in the past. I knew that if I chose to turn my back on my soul that I would most likely throw myself into another dark night of the soul and who knows what might happen, so I pushed forward in hopes that his perspective and feelings would change and even in hope that he might open to this path as well and we could be a team.

anger expression and christmas 037 (1)

Alas, this was not in our cards.

Jealousy ate away at him. Fear kept hold tight and the fires of rage slowly were fed until they one night found the fuel that they had been hoping for and we both found ourselves faced with the dark possession of the soul in physical form.

anger expression and christmas 043“It was late and we had been fighting all night until these wee hours of the morning. The focus was on my commitment to my classes and my lack of time and attentiveness to him. The fear was based on me possibly flirting with other men after my meetings while enjoying a glass of wine with my female study buddy at the hotel bar where (the study class at this time was being held at a local hotel chain in the city). No matter how I tried to assure that there was nothing more going on the fear would not let hold and he by this time had drank enough alcohol that any rational was gone and the soul had officially been suppressed. The final moments of this night of rage ended with me lying down in bed, crying and breathing. In my head I worked through my tools that I had been taught so that ego would not completely destroy my internal world. He paced back and forth as he always did after drinking and getting caught in ego. Bathroom to bedroom. Bedroom to bathroom and back. All the while yelling and dancing in a pity party. His pain body was on fire and I was in his eye responsible for this. I recall begging him to calm down and lower his voice as to not wake our sleeping children. This only caused more outrage. Now he was feeling as though I was controlling him and after screaming that he would speak as loud as he wanted he slammed his fists down on the end of our bed. Pounded his rage into the mattress and then without a moment’s notice the man I had known for many years disappeared into some dark dungeon and this tormented devil flung from the shadows of our bedroom wanting me to feel his pain, his fear, his rage, his loss of control of life and all the insecurities and judgments, lack of love that had been bottled up for perhaps a life time or more. In this moment as I lay there I was no longer another human being, I was not the woman he loved, I was not his friend, I was not the mother of his children, I was nothing but the reason for his pain and fear, something that was controlling him and he HAD to regain control of. Without time for a breath my heart skipped and my body tensed. I could not stop my own fear. My own internal terror. The covers were tossed off of me and he grabbed me harshly. At first I thought that he might just slap me and yell some more. But no, his ego had bigger ideas. My night gown was forced upward, his shorts were dropped and without anything more he forced my legs apart, ignored my begging and pleading he penetrated my body. As he did this I could feel my vulva lips tear from the lack of lubrication, I could feel my heart shut down as my tears cascaded down my cheeks onto the mattress. His hands pressing me down, his breath on my shoulder and cheek. Each thrust of his cock was like a dagger into my heart and soul.

 

Jealousy may have started this war but, rage finished it.

 

anger expression and christmas 044

After the physical event was over, he rolled over and passed out without a word. I lay there crying. Now angry, full of distrust, fear and not understanding how my longing for personal growth and attending a class could cause this sort of reaction. The next morning I wondered what would happen. To my surprise he acted as though nothing happened other then he had drank too much. Time passed, I continued to close myself of intimately and emotionally to him. Months went by and I found myself trapped in a dungeon of my own with my own tormented devil. Should I have fought more? Should I have called the cops on him? Should I bring it up and ask what the hell happened and why, WHY in god’s name would he hurt me like that on so many levels? All I knew was that this action was out of place and that it was slowly tearing me apart. Tearing us apart. The trust I had in him was after this event completely gone. The violation of my being on ALL levels was now the catalyst for me to escape and move forward in whatever fashion I must in order to not feel like this anymore.

 

The rage he felt in that heated moment that one night that forced him into black out and possession of something evil now filled me. The seed of rage had been planted within my womb and its embers lingered in my thoughts. The path of healing personally and for us together had taken a turn for what seemed to be the worse.”

 

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they’re almost almost incompatible: one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil…” – – Robert A. Heinlein

 anger expression and christmas 065

Sadly to say events of this nature happen in over 70% of relationships according to studies done. And even more sadly the “victims” often feel as though it is okay that this sort of violation happened because they blame themselves for perhaps not fulfilling their side of the marital contract, or that they should not be doing what their heart desires and instead focus more on self-sacrifice and doing what their partner wishes. The victims fall into the belief that their partners rage and jealousy is a sign of how much they are loved and that if they themselves would just do and be everything for their partner then theses acts of violence would halt.

To think that we can be everything to our lover or any other person is expecting too much. If we ever look for another to be everything we need and want in a relationship then we are putting unrealistic expectations on those we love and we are increasing our chances of disappointment.  In these sorts of expectations we pull ourselves out of the NOW and we lose our ability to appreciate what we have and cherish the love that resides in our life. Each time we look to another for our happiness we are but only closing ourselves off from the reality that the ONLY person able to make us happy or responsible for our happiness is OURSELVES. As long as we put blame on another for how we are feeling and for our actions we will continue to allow ego to hold the ownership papers on our life.

Make a commitment today to yourself, to your love and your happiness that you will release yourself from the chains of this tormented devil and enjoy a life of freedom. This can only manifest if you learn to remain present in the moment and know that the emotions that you are feeling are coming from within yourself. There is no one responsible for your actions, your feelings, your thoughts other then YOU. And it is up to you to make the decision to act in unconditional love and not let the monstrous face of ego distort your image of reality.

It is up to you to release the chains of this demon that wants to posses your heart and soul!

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Do You Have Gratitude For Your Sex? by Nikki Lundberg

The World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.

Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more.  Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well.  Now apply this to your sex.  Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals.  When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.

What do you feel? 

ball and chain of shameNow, reflect on your attitude toward your sex.  I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life.  Now is a time for noticing and not judging.  For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex.  My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable.  There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed.  I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”.  I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”.  I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”.  I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner.  I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want.  I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people.  I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.

How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been? 

sex on the brainThink about your actions toward your sex.  My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex.  I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with.  I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.

What have your actions toward your sex been?

5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex

My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.

  1. Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
  2. Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God.  Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
  3. Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things.  Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should.  Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
  4. Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously.  For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  I didn’t know how to deal with it.  Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
  5. Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know.  The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure.  The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand.  The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.

 

READ Original Article Post at Nikki Lundberg

Nikki is is an expert in the field of sex education for adults based out out of Las Vegas NV.

10 Ways Tantra Can Improve Your Health & Relationships

Tantra is a word that is casually thrown around these days, yet many people remain ignorant to the true healing and transformative power of this ancient and sacred art. So what are some tangible benefits of Authentic Tantric Practices? Here are 10 ways in which Authentic Tantra can improve your physical health and intimate relationships!

1) Prolonged sexual pleasure strengthens the immune system by boosting infection fighting cells by 20%
2) Increases mental clarity & focus by stimulating and increasing secretions of the pineal and pituitary glands, thereby positively affecting brain and body chemistry
3) Natural anti-aging remedy, Orgasms revitalize the endocrine glands for more HGH, seratonin, DHEA, and testosterone production. (1.) Because Tantric orgasms are long-lasting and non-degenerative, these positive effects are multiplied.   (DHEA is believed to improve brain function, balance the immune system, help maintain and repair tissue, promote healthy skin, and improve cardiovascular health.)
 4) Frequent and powerful orgasms increase the hormone levels of oxytocin. Oxytocin is linked to personality, passion, social skills, emotional quotient, all of which affect career, marriage, emotional health, and social skills. (2.)
5) Tantric orgasms on a regular basis have the ability to alleviate depression, prolong life-span, strengthen immune system, and improve quality of life.
6) Tantric sexual practices have the ability to correct many sexually related issues for women such as:

  1. Enabling non-orgasmic women to become multi-orgasmic
  2. Enabling women to become sexually expressive and personally empowered.
  3. Freeing emotional energy to use as fuel for life 

7) Tantric sexual practices have the ability to correct many sexually related issues for men such as:

  1. Enabling men to become multi-orgasmic and improve mental focus and energy by retaining vital essences lost through involuntary ejaculation.
  2. Increase physical health, longevity, & vitality
  3. Enabling men to retain long, strong, and powerful erections well into their old age

  8) Can enhance relationships by cultivating a deeper sense of intimacy and connection

  9) Can build and increase trust by regularly practicing communication skills
10) Heal sexual-emotional trauma and blocks to intimacy with orgasmic pleasure!
Article written and posted Originally from Tantric Arts of Love

Pleasure Psychotherapy

I met a pleasure based psychotherapist recently. When Janov’s Primal Therapy came along I seem to recall that he said that a therapist was a dealer in pain. So is therapy about pleasure or pain and trauma?

Nobody would go to a therapist to talk about how happy they were or what a great childhood they had; but it is one of the more interesting questions in therapy the extent to which we have to go in to past pain and trauma to clear it out. In our culture we have the “no pain, no gain” school of development. A deeply Puritan culture like the British is very suspicious of happiness. I can lead straight in to the arms of The Devil. In most therapies, both humanistic and analytic happiness could well be covering something up; even a manic defence against deep sadness. Of course this can be true but it is also true that many defences, particularly somatic ones, tend to block access to all deep emotions; pain as well as joy.  This is simply because all strong emotions and body sensations are close together in their emotional anatomy and neurology. On a fairground roller-coaster the riders play with the edge between fear and excitement; screaming with fear as the car descends and then cuing up for another go! A father playing with a young child may throw them up in the air and catch them giving squeals of joy, excitement, fear overcome by return to safety. Deep sobbing and deep belly laughter are quite similar to observe from the outside. In the intense autonomic activation of orgasm, pleasure and crying can come together. Those in to BDSM are experts on the edge between pleasure and pain and how both can lead to altered states of consciousness.

Many therapies are very interested in trauma; particularly if that term is extended from single incident events such as an accident, or act of abuse or death of someone to include developmental trauma such as having a depressed mother when there would be many occasions when the required empathic attunement and care-giving weren’t there. In the past going into the pain was seen as the only way. Now with modern energy psychology methods such as AIT(www.aitherapy.org) that I practice this is known not to be necessary. Just naming the trauma and finding the location in the body is often enough to clear it.

So as we block pleasure and pain, when a client comes in for a session reporting that they feel good. Unless I am very suspicious of this, I will only want to move feeling good to feeling fantastic. There has been more attention recently to positive psychology and to the concept of Flow,  (from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi);  a state of being where we are not divided and distracted but fully engaged in life at that moment.

So while I will try as a therapist to stay fairly divided in my attention between pain and pleasure. I have a growing sense that working with pleasure and how to expand it and deepen it within our bodies and our neurology is a powerful way forward. This forms a large part of my book Tantric Psychotherapy that I am working on at the moment (see www.tantricpsychotherapy.com )

Martin is London based psychotherapist 

READ More from Martin HERE

BIO:

I have worked for nearly 30 years a psychotherapist and counsellor and supervisor. In private practice and in training courses, for a university and now for the police.