There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….
I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.
I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.
I logically understand.
But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.
Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.
You see in my house we have this thing,
and you simply never know where these conversations will go,
nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.
It is drastically different each day.
after some decent sexing,
I found my lover and I in bed,
I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,
I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says,
” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”
My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.
And that sure AF is not okay and is NOT love.
After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,
“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”
To this he smiled at me and said,
“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”
And this is where it all went dark folks.
In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.
Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,
but not I…..
took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.
To feel this wound that just got scratched.
I looked at the wound,
identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.
However, the truth was it triggered me.
And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.
So I spoke up.
“That was a triggering statement you just made.”
And then I shared why.
I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,
I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,
who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.
However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.
Even though I was highly turned on,
my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.
And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,
unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,
leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.
He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.
His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,
and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.
He then looked at me and said,
“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”
Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,
but what he actually was doing was blaming me,
making me responsible for his inability to last,
to be in control of his body,
his thoughts and feelings,
his sexual energy.
And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.
My feeling after hearing this was,
” I need to not be me.”
I felt like if I did not moan that way,
if I was not playful like I am,
If my body did not look like this,
If I was not open the way I am,
Then he would be able to stay with me longer,
last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.
It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.
Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….
This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.
He is not responsible.
He is innocent and cannot help himself.
It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,
So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?
Well I need to shut my shit down.
I need to not be as turned on.
I need to guard my moans.
I need to go limp.
I need to not engage in sex.
I need to not dress this way or that.
I need to not be as playful.
I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.
But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.
And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.
Not fully that is.
They do however blame her to a degree,
just like she takes responsibility.
It’s because of how we were raised.
Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.
How they speak to us.
That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.
If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.
And guys are told that,
“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”
This all steals one’s individual power from them.
Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman.
Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues.
I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well,
And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.
“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”
It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current,
But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well.
Because it’s there too.
In owning that we get triggered,
In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life,
We reclaim our power.
In pausing on our words and asking ourselves,
“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”
In looking at what our words are actually speaking,
Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening.
And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships,
In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands.
Today look at your relationships.
Look at your sexing.
Look at your expectations and desires.
And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?
Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP.
I have this belief that ALL…
Yes ALL people who are in an intimate relationship with another need to go through the inquiry and inner work as well and relating work that those who have successful open relationships do.
I believe that no matter how you label your relationship,
that you should explore authentic relating for what it really means.
Most monogamous couples “think” they know each other.
“Think” they love each other unconditionally.
“Think” they are best friends and trust each other.
“Think” they are doing it right and will have success.
Most people who decide to open up their relationships choose to do so at a low period in their primary relationship and “think” that opening up will fix something.
“Think” that you can just overnight shift gears and that this thing called inner work and couples work to set agreements, learn each other and communicate are not needed.
That you can go zero to 100 overnight so to speak.
Both cases are detrimental to the relationship.
And it’s because the number one issue in relationships is communication.
And I am sure you may be among the many who believes that you communicate well with your partner.
You may think that you got this fully taken care of ,
but I ask you, is this true?
98% of couples that I have worked with over the last 15+ years come in telling me that they are good if not great communicators,
that their partner is their bestie and they can tell them anything.
But not three sessions into coaching and the truth is discovered.
They suck at communication.
Because they keep it at a surface level.
There is no depth in relating.
And if they touch on depth,
it causes confrontation,
triggers old wounds and fears,
and both parties end up dancing in their ego’s and speaking from their pain bodies instead of their heart centers.
So they avoid it.
They shut their truth down,
they tell their partners a softer version or nothing at all,
and they hide the best they can from themselves for as long as they can as to not rock the perfect picture of a loving connected relationship that they are wanting to paint.
When the hard fact is that they have challenges.
It takes courage to speak up in a relationship.
It takes courage to be real in a relationship.
It takes courage to listen without trying to change, control or freak out about what might be being shared in a relationship.
It takes courage to remain stable inside yourself when living authentically with another.
And it takes courage to be raw and real with yourself so you can do all the above.
But f-ck is it worth it,
just like you are worth it and so is your relationship.
You see, if you are among the many who are not operating at this level of authentic relationship but desire open communication, unconditional love, acceptance, honesty and truth in the relationship and from your partner,
then how is it ever going to be possible if you live hiding from yourself and basing your feelings and actions in fear of losing your partner?
If you are making your partner responsible for your happiness and worthiness then how can they ever just be themselves and state their truth to you?
If you are holding expectations as to what they need to do, how they need to act then how can they share their truth with you about anything that may pose a difficult conversation? And how is this unconditional love?
If you define yourself based on your relationship,
which simply means you are not strong in WHO YOU ARE,
then how can you be truthful with another?
To be authentic, truthful and honest with another you first must KNOW YOURSELF and be strong at your core so you are not rocked by another.
Remember that humans are fickle.
We ebb and flow,
we all are live waves in our feelings, emotions, thoughts and that we get caught in our wounds as well as our desires.
In authentic relating we understand that
there is your business,
there is my business,
and there is God’s business,
and that we each are ONLY RESPONSIBLE for one of those.
Anything else is sticking our noses where they are not needed.
The most unconditional loving person is the person who knows themselves, loves themselves first, and can embrace their shadow self as well as their glorious light.
They know their worth and it is not dependent on any outside source.
This is a person who can love deeply and unconditionally.
This is a person who can truly be honest and real.
This is a person who is self-empowered and therefore has the ability to allow for their partner to grow, to speak, to change.
As it is so intended.
relationships need to evolve over time.
This means that both parties need to do the same.
Expecting ourselves, our partners or the relationship to remain the same,
causes stagnation to our individual growth and the evolution of our love and relationships.
This is the coward’s path.
And it typically results in two things:
It takes courage to relate authentically.
It takes courage to relate in unconditional love.
It takes courage to catch our control issues in a relationship.
It takes courage to see our fear based actions, feelings and thoughts for what they are… fear of our own inadequacies, fear of our worthiness and lack of value, the lack of personal acceptance cast onto our partner, and fear of abandonment.
But when we stand in courage and face our truth,
love ourselves through our fears,
we open the gates to deep, penetrative love and acceptance with our partner.
THIS is what we all crave and desire.
You are worthy of this beauty.
You are worthy of this sort of love.
Offer it to yourself and your partner today,
by starting with seeing YOURSELF authentically and leaning into those difficult conversations.
Reach out to me if you want information on how to go about just this and more.
Learn authentic relating no matter your relationship title to create an evolved loving relationship that fits your soul’s path now.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….
I have a story to share with you.
It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.
When Kendal was a small girl,
she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.
We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,
and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,
she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,
but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.
This young man knew how to treat Kendal.
He looked at her with eye full of love,
he touched her skin with the same adoration.
And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.
It was an exciting day.
I can still feel those first touches.
I had never been seen by a boy before like this,
I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,
and here he was.
Loving on me.
I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,
but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.
And let me tell you,
He moved slowly.
It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,
and when he did,
He remained in us for hours.
Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.
It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.
I never wanted to part ways with this young man,
and Kendal was so happy,
so full of sexual light.
They shared dreams and ideas of the future,
talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.
I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.
But one day,
the boy changed his mind.
He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.
Kendal cried for months,
she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.
She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.
So she distanced herself from me,
she did not touch me.
She did not want to have anyone else touch me.
She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.
A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.
She met a man a decade older than her,
she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.
She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.
And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,
she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,
but I was not.
I felt saddened at her actions.
Before I knew it, the man had proposed to her and she said yes,
I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,
and I was not on board with the idea,
yet she said yes.
And years went by.
We had children,
and I kept being offered up for tribute,
to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.
She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.
She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,
that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.
And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.
But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,
I could not feel her heart anymore,
all I could feel was her anger and hatred.
Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.
I began to heat up and throb.
I was screaming, “Do you feel that?”
I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.
It was love.
And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.
I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.
And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,
go outside her marriage and tap back into me.
And she did.
And there were some fun adventures,
until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,
that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.
And so she locked us out again.
She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.
And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.
Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,
trying to get them to side with me,
trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,
was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.
And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.
We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….
One day while at an event with friends,
when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.
The intestines began to bleed everywhere!
She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,
it was perfect.
She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,
and she knew it was serious.
It was a sobering moment for Kendal.
We had her attention.
And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.
She spent the next few years focusing on her body,
on her health, on her thoughts,
and even though she still ignored me,
she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,
she came to the conclusion, (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.
And so she went back to her roots,
she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,
to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.
And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.
That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,
disconnected from who she really was and her desires,
disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).
And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.
But, she was done with the pain and suffering.
She was done with feeling lost and moody.
She was done with pleasureless sex,
limited connection and not being happy in her life.
She was sick and tired of not living.
And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”
And she did.
And it was amazing.
She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.
And she started to feel herself again.
She started to appreciate me again.
She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,
and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,
a man that looked at her the way that I like,
and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,
and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,
and from there she found more lovers for me,
and I felt loved and appreciated, full.
But all stories have some down points, right?
And so does mine.
One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,
and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,
and into us.
He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,
“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”
She wept and hid herself.
Blaming me again,
if I had not taken her down this path,
then perhaps this trauma would not have been,
she should have stayed safe,
but here she was.
And disconnected we were again.
It took her some time,
it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,
but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.
From there we have had many struggles in our communication,
we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.
She has learned the value of my voice,
and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.
She desires to remain in connection with me,
and together we work at our loving relationship daily.
Today, I am happy with my journey.
I am happy with my life.
I feel the disconnect that her and I have,
as does she,
but our desire is the same.
To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,
so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.
There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.
These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.
These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,
and feel that she loves me and herself fully.
These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,
and this is what makes me happy.
This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.
Ladies of the world…
are you listening to her?
She has a message for you,
she wants to connect and open your heart.
Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.
It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth? Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.
Bob Marley once said:
“You may not be her first,
her last, or her only.
She loved before she may love again.
But if she loves you now, what else matters?
She’s not perfect—you aren’t either,
and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh,
cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart.
So don’t hurt her,
don’t change her,
don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.
Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
And he was a wise man in his lyrics.
The Jamaican artist who grew up on the concept of One Love,
and to love without fear,
spoke the truth in his words about loving a woman,
but his words ring true in general.
His words on love are words that we could all gain wisdom from when looking at relationships in general.
Can you imagine a world where we spoke our truth.
Where we told our feelings without expectation,
where we related because that is what humans do…
Can you imagine a world where love was not based on what you can do for me,
or I for you,
but on the actual feeling of love.
Can you imagine a world where love was not captivated and crucified at every upset in the day,
a world where loving each other was normal and not judged or shamed,
can you imagine a world where we each had respect for self,
compassion for self,
love for self,
and thus could freely offer the same to another.
Can you imagine a world where saying “I love you” did not bear with it the weight of marriage, commitment of a lifetime, legal documents or looks of concern.
Can you imagine being loved just for being you?
This is the love that Marley was speaking of.
This is the message that we all need to hear,
and this morning as I sit here and am blessed with the words,
“I love you.”
I feel called to share the importance that they actually hold.
I love you is a statement of acceptance.
A statement of respect and care,
I love you means that I do not want to control you,
that I appreciate you JUST AS YOU ARE.
I love you means that I am not expecting anything in return,
there are no conditions,
there are no rules or obligations,
I love you means that I SEE YOU.
JUST AS YOU ARE.
And when these words are uttered,
they should not hold the reins on our heart,
they should not be spoken in shame or in fear,
but instead be words that frees our soul.
I love you means that I love me too.
Because I could not feel this feeling,
pure and authentically,
if you were not mirroring the love that I feel for self.
That is what it is a message of.
When we feel deep love for another,
without control or possession of any sort,
without jealousy or fear of losing,
we are feeling true love.
And true love can only emerge when we feel the same for self.
Others that we feel this radiance for,
ignite the truth of our souls,
allow us to embrace our bigness,
our beauty, and truth.
When love is authentic and not based in need,
It is a sign of who we really are.
And at our cores,
WE ARE LOVE.
We taste it juiciness.
We bathe in its sweetness,
We dance freely in its light,
and we expand within its breath.
Without love life is empty.
And with false love,
control masked as such,
we hunger to hold on,
we fear its loss,
we hand over our power to whomever we deem our point of focus,
and lose who we are.
To love someone…
You may not be the first person to love them,
or the last,
not even the only one.
They have loved before,
they will love again,
But if they are loving you now,
What else matters?
They are not perfect – you aren’t either,
and the two of you may never have the perfect relationship together, no matter its label,
but if they make you smile and laugh,
cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto that love and give it the most you have.
They may not be thinking of you every moment of the day,
but that love will open you to your life,
that love will offer you something special,
something that you must respect, — your truth.
So don’t judge and shame your love,
don’t try and change it,
don’t analyze and
don’t expect more than what is shown.
Smile when you are happy,
let your feelings be known, even when mad,
let your words and actions be authentic.
Love with your whole being when you receive love,
Know that it is available at any moment,
it is your truth,
there is no such thing as perfect,
but there will always be love,
and it is all that matters.
How are you penetrating your life,
this world with your love?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.
It is time that you say YES to you.
Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.
Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.
Do you ever have a moment in your life where you find your heart swelling with gratitude and love?
Where you are sitting in a state of awe over how effing blessed you are?
Do you ever just find yourself in tears to the magic that this life has to offer?
I have this frequently.
Just this morning my alarm went off a little after 5-AM.
I stretched, drank some water, went to the bathroom.
I came back to bed, snuggled under my furry blanket and wrapped myself up in my satin sheets.
My hand rested beside me and I felt my lovers erection,
he was sleeping, but his member was awake.
I smiled from within,
as I had a hunger to connect with him.
And so we made sweet love.
Wispers of pleasure,
my body was happy to receive him.
I joked that he needed to get going and shower, and get out the door to work,
but that I first demanded that he take care of me as I grabbed him.
The moment was playful,
it was loving and primal.
It was most of all connective,
and more so connective for me to embody myself then to even connect with him.
I found myself needing him to touch me,
needing him to bring me back to my breath,
needing ME to get present in my own flesh,
with my emotions,
and out of my head.
And this moment blessed me with just that.
Afterward, we kissed and he got me my morning coffee.
I sat in bed, breathed deep into my womb and relaxed my chest.
I found myself feeling so much gratitude for my life,
for the opportunities that I have,
I was grateful for the messes that I need to clean up today,
my home that needs tidied for a 3-day event happening in it this coming weekend,
for my children,
their laughter and joy.
I opened up my facebook and I scrolled through pictures and events that happened over the last eight weeks.
I looked at the travel, the birthdays, the dinners, the family and friends,
the authentic smiles,
I saw the blessings and felt JOY.
I felt INSPIRED to focus on just that and keep manifesting more of what feels so good.
I felt PEACE for where I am,
and EXCITEMENT for the path before me.
I felt GRATITUDE for being in my body and the messages that my SOUL shares through my body.
and I felt COMPASSION for self,
and UNDERSTANDING that I am just human.
This is how we create.
This is how we manifest our lives.
We grow and we manifest through being EMBODIED.
But so often we do not fathom what embodiment means,
let along how to achieve it.
We hide in our heads,
where the clutter and chaos of our fears and worries drown out our truth.
We run from our bodies,
and our emotions,
in belief that they will mislead us,
that they are weak and not to be listened too.
Yet as our world evolves,
science is pointing back to what we call spiritualism,
that crazy mystic shiz,
and it is revealing that thier is so much to the
MIND< BODY<SOUL connection.
That in order for us to truly live to our full capasity and expereince maximum well-being that we MUST embody ourselves and not exclude any aspect of this triad.
It is our ability to connect the dots of this three parts that enable us to be the alchemists of our lives.
When we are lost,
when we are full of anxiety,
our pathway of communication between
MIND<BODY<SOUL is disrupted.
Making it it virtually impossible to make correct life choices for ourselves.
We hinder our selves through disassociation to the body and the emotions.
This disassociation causes us to have life happen to us,
verses us creating the life that we want.
In today’s world there are new sciences being created to study just this MIND<BODY<SOUL connection and the pathways that create the communication needed to achieve our full capacity.
The medical field of bioelectronics was formulated just for this sole purpose.
And in it’s study,
the pathway of the Vagus nerve is a focus.
This is just what I speak of today,
and how I have intuitively created my F-ck Yes! Lifestyle.
Through a consistent practicec of activaing, and paying attention to this communication freeway.
Listening to its messages from SOUL to Body, to mind and acting from this KNOWING space.
You can do the same.
SImple steps and unederstanding,
following the guidance of vagus nerve coaching and practices to live your best life.
It really is.
And YOU can expereince the rewards.
Conscious Focus on Appreciation and Compassion.
Letting go of Control Based Thinking.
Becoming Body Present.
These are the steps.
Get activated now.
How do you support your MIND<BODY<SOUL Connection?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
ANNOUNCING my New Global Group Coaching Program!
5-weeks of intensive yet simple education, strategy and exercises to create your desired life through activation and understanding of the Vagus Nerve.
PM for Pre-Launch interest in Group Vagus Nerve Coaching Program. Learn how to embody and stimulate your vagus nerve in a whole new way.
I have sex probably 25 to 40 times a month.
How about you?
Sounds like a lot?
What is your opinion.
Not that your opinion matters to my sex life,
but it may matter to your sex life.
And here is what you need to be considering on this Valentine’s day….
💃Why do I have sex?
💃Why do I say no to sex?
💃What is it that I am hoping to achieve from sex?
💃How does sex serve me in life?
Sex causes us humans a bunch of problems in relationship.
And the main reason for the issues that it stirs is that we are focused on the scarcity of the sex in our lives.
Most relationships today have at least one partner if not both wanting for more of something…
More time together without distraction.
And this desire for something and the concentration we put on the evidence that we do not have it is what causes us to keep not having it.
Not having as much or the kind that we are wanting for with any of the above.
This feeling of lack then leads us to searching for it elsewhere.
Now this does not always mean an affair in the sort of sexual or even emotional with another human being….
Now sometimes we fill the void that has emerged (and we keep there with our certainty of it being there) with such things as work, exercise, hobbies, worry, booze, illegal and legal substances, etc.
Yeah you can “cheat” on your partner with any of these things.
We just don’t always view it as cheating because it is not sex and it is not another human that is taking our primary focus away from our intimate relationship or partner,
but in truth it’s possibly worse to “cheat” with one of these things then an actual human being.
I mean at least with another human you gain the possibility of filling up that void to some degree, where these items will only mask the real issues and keep you empty from the nutrient that you are searching for.
(Now, I am not saying go cheat on your partner in any fashion… I am just bringing some things to light and why people cheat to begin with.)
You may be wondering why I am choosing to discuss affairs on Valentines Day….
Well, today happens to be one of the BIGGEST days of the year that couple’s lie to each other.
Over fifty percent of couple’s have at least one partner stepping out of the relationship in secret to get their intimate needs met.
Over fifty percent of marriages are sexless.
Over 70% of women have said that they have had on multiple accounts sex they did not want with their partner, and many of them count this act as a sort of rape.
Sexual disease is on the rise…. with monogamous couples 🤔
Yeah… I just said that… do the math….
Studies have been done in recent times showing that over 20% of children in monogamous relationships are not the fathers.
And the statistics list just keeps going on.
So we lie to our partners about our intimate needs and desires.
We coddle them so as to not hurt their feelings, taking responsibility and stealing their power from them by making these choices to not speak our needs and truths to the very people we claim to be best friends with.
To claim that we want to live our lives with,
that we fully trust…
well fully as long as that mean’s that we don’t have to be vulnerable about sex to them.
That is pushing the envelope a tad bit too much.
So we refrain and lie.
Sex causes us humans a bunch of issues.
We are scared of our sex.
We are ashamed of it.
We even hate on it and don’t trust ourselves or our partners with it.
But we sure want more of it and are focused on not having enough of it, are we not?
It is beacuse sex equals:
👉 Makes us feel worthy – it affirms that we are worthy of someone else’s attention and feeling good.
👉Makes us feel lovable – it is evidence that our partner loves us.
👉Makes us feel desired – if our partner gives us sex then that means they want us.
👉Makes us feel happy – if we have an orgasm/climax then chemicals are released that help us to feel less stress and happy
I have heard many a man say, “Sex makes me feel powerful and that I am a man!”
I have heard a lot of women say, “Sex makes me feel used and that it is my duty.”
Do you see it?
I hope so.
And here is where sex causes us relationship issues at an even deeper level.
Here is where bitterness, resentment and anger,
as well as traum get stored up.
And where other problems ( such as the one’s at the beginning of this musing) get their roots for.
A sexless marriage did not start that way.
It became that way for this reason here above.
Partners are using each other to make themselves feel something that they have not emotionally mature enough to find withinside themselves,
and so they search outside of themselves and when it is given and then taken away,
it creates a sexual codependency.
And their very “worthiness” is rooted in their partners willingness to have sex with them.
In reverse, many partners fear stating their truth from early on because of the highly normal fear of abandonment or need of their mate in some fashion for survival.
So, at the end of the day when the truth is not spoken but is heard in the core of each, you find one if not both partners smiling, telling a lie and finding their fulfillment outside of their relationship.
Is there hope?
Is the answer having more sex or no sex with you rmate?
Yes there is hope.
If both partners are dedicated to the relationship and want healing for self first and relationship second,
then they can work toward a solution and happy intimacy path.
Is more or no sex the answer?
Forced sex on either spectrum is never going to be healing or supportive of the relationship.Getting in your truth and working together in compassion and love is the path to wher eyou want to get.
Changing your focus from scarcity and fear to love and appreciation can move mountains.
Want to learn more about stratigies to overcome affairs, build authentic communication and reelating and heal your sex life?
Reach out to me today to learn about coaching opportunities that can support you in love, sex and life.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
*photography credit to Photography In Wonderland