I got this for you.
I got you this thing.
I got you this thing that I had to get you.
I am sure you will love it.
I know you will.
I got this for you.
It’s my favorite,
and is your’s now too.
Oh you said that you like that.
And so I it is true.
That now all you want,
is this thing.
Over and over,
I will never venture out.
I am not looking at what you say,
all I can focus on is making sure that you have this thing till you want it no more.
I love you.
I like you.
I adore you.
I cannot get enough of you.
And so it must be so,
that you too,
feel this thing I am feeling,
and want it as much.
I desire this to happen,
I crave it so much,
My mind wants to devour you,
as my body wants to taste and feel.
I cannot hear your words of denial,
I cannot allow myself to pay heed,
you must want this too.
It is a gift that I give you.
And even though you say no,
I know that you want this.
Because it is true.
Your words are like nails on a chalk board,
why do you argue with me?
Your silence is deafening,
why don’t you give thanks for all that I do?
It must mean more to you.
I must be with you.
I know that you feel something,
you say it is nothing,
you say it cannot be so.
I love you.
I adore you.
I want more of you.
So it is this way.
My desire has me blinded.
My hunger has me deaf.
My heart pains at your denial,
so I will show you,
yes I will.
I know that you will love it.
I know it will be so.
Just give me this moment.
To absorb all you are.
Stop making such a big deal of it.
Why are you hiding over there?
I know that you will love it.
So let me show you my dear.
You make me feel so alive.
You make me smile with your presence.
You make me feel superhuman,
so accept this gift I am giving.
Accept this “love” I am offering.
Stop denying it.
You know you want it.
You know you love it.
You like it.
You want it.
A tale I hardly speak of is the tale of being a rape survivor,
however I wish to express this today as when I walk through this world, I see so many rapes in so many different fashions.
The above is a share that was activated by a trigger from someone in my life recently.
Although there was no harm done,
although I am certain that there was no intent of such,
not even a trigger.
I find it my mission, to speak out loud and have a voice for all those who cannot.
So bare with me here,
as what I am saying may possibly cause you ill feelings,
for your guilt as much as any other human for the rape offenses that we all have made and played down without notice to the messages of ego shared.
No matter what it is.
No matter the gift.
Not all gifts are gifts you see,
for a gift can only truly be received in love when the receiver desires the gift,
wants for it some way,
or truly is something that speaks their name.
But, many a gift has nothing to do with the receiver,
and everything to do about the giver,
who longs to be seen.
To be accepted.
To be loved.
At all cost they will go.
Not noticing the one that they love.
They place their hunger before the heart of another.
No matter the event,
no matter the intimacy shared.
If it is not two sided in wanting,
then it is nothing more than a taking.
You think it is romantic,
you think is sweet,
you think is no big deal,
but when we steal an intimacy with another,
we ignore all that they are.
We crave more for our desire.
We fear more about our pain,
our rejection of not getting,
of not having or experiencing,
what we want is all that matters,
and so we paint a picture of what will be and ignore all the strokes of anything different.
a tender touch you see.
All can be innocent and precious,
but when not wanted they are a trespass.
Just as the gift that one might give that is not desired,
can be nothing more than a nuisance.
A problem you see.
We trespass others in so many ways.
From touches to things.
Be aware is all that is stated here.
A lesson for me and you.
We all are guilty of taking.
Ask yourself this,
“This action, this thing, these words that I share: are they from my desire to have what I want or give what is wanted?”
Stop Existing & Start Living
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to REMIND you to DO THE Mother F-cking things that you know you need to do.
This is your effing life.
🙄WAIT FOR IT…..
…..THE F-cking Priority. 📢🎆🎆
💯% of the TIME.
Start with you Baby!
You were born for GREATNESS.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
A yes to your pleasure.
Shaky Knee’s and Stairs.
These two things do not get along well.
And yest they are a match made in heaven.
Looking down from the second floor stairs,
Looking at that first step,
feeling my knee’s tremble at the core.
The energy pulsing from my core.
The cool night breeze, brushing up against my cheek as I took a deep breath in.
My lover behind me.
My knee’s, shaking from the hours upon hours of pleasure.
Quivering from the core.
There is this fullness,
This feeling of alignment,
yet fear still resides here.
I can feel it being shaken loose.
That first step,
seeming so far away.
The uncertain feeling of can I make it?
The knowing that it is one of many to follow.
I am tired.
I am so tired.
I am turned on .
So turned on.
I want more.
So much more.
That first step.
Why is it so hard to land that first step.
To find the courage to JUST TAKE IT.
It’s lack of faith.
It’s lack of belief in my worthiness.
YET, I KNOW that I can land it.
There is this knowing that is deeper than the fear.
This knowing that wants to be known.
It wants to be REMEMBERED.
It is there begging for my attention.
Begging for me to STOP existing in the shadows of what I can be.
It is that quiet voice that is getting loud as the day’s pass.
Saying, “YES YOU CAN.”
But these knee’s…
These shaky knee’s.
They tremble at all that could happen.
They resist the wonders that could be born from the pleasure of saying YES to myself.
They resist the DESIRE that wants to JUST LET GO.
They tremble in fear that something may happen to this me that I know, as the me that I am to be EMERGES.
You would think that hours of pleasure would grant me the confidence to just land the step.
You would think that hours of embracing what I wanted, would give me the faith that I could take the step and KNOW I have it.
You would think that the surrender to success, the depth of orgasmic bliss that I said YES to would show me that this world is for the taking, it is for the embracing and it supports our TRUTH when we lean in, let go and get in flow.
But every moment, I have come to learn is a new moment.
And every moment carries hope and doubt.
It is up to me in this moment to DECIDE,
To CLAIM what I want to do with it.
It is up to me, and only me to TAKE THE STEP.
Will I let these shaky knee’s lock me up in fear?
Or will I let these shaky knee’s rattle out that fear as I step forward in FAITH?
Yes there are many steps before me.
There is risk,
But my lover is behind me.
His love carries me.
The step’s are suddenly not so steep.
The breeze, it brushes up against my cheek like a lover itself whispering his intentions in my ear.
The night sky, filled with his glory.
Like a lover filling me with his essence in climax.
There is a owl in the distance,
I hear it’s call of the night.
As if to say, “Listen to your soul, my child.”
And so I shall!
I shall LISTEN.
I shall TAKE THE STEP.
Here is my courage.
Here is my guidance.
Here, here in this moment of leaving my lovers embrace, I open to true surrender. True guidance.
My angels are around me.
It is TIME.
The feeling of saying YES, to one’s truth.
It is FREEDOM.
It is bliss.
It is the F*ck YES! Life.
Will you say YES?
Stop Existing & Start Living
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“My body is tense and tight as are my emotions and heart. I feel little love, appreciation or compassion let alone toleration. Or perhaps that is all I feel. I am tolerating life. I am tolerating work. I am tolerating my family. There is no feeling of interconnectedness, no desire washing through me. I feel lost, alone, depressed without reason, fatigued and sore. I feel loveless and angry. I feel an ever growing panic inside of my soul. As if my life is being stolen and for what?
The smile on my face and my light-hearted attitude that everyone sees is far from my internal reality where it’s more like being trapped in the swamps of some limbo land of the forgotten. I am unseen, unheard and feeling unworthy. Unworthy of being seen, heard, loved, sexed properly, or even cuddled and nurtured. Sure, I can reach out to my children or girlfriends for emotional support and snuggles, but this is not what my soul craves to keep itself alive. No, my soul craves to be held safe in the arms of the masculine. To be loved, adored, cherished and ravished to the marrow in my bones and through every last cell of my physical being. My soul craves with ever expanding fear to be penetrated mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally by the masculine. It needs to weep and laugh while singing its orgasmic rapture before my lover. It needs to feel safe while opening into the darkest corners of vulnerability. It needs to feed like a ravenous vampire on the love that can be expressed and felt during gourmet sexing. It needs to be felt with every tilt and pulse of my pelvis as I wrap my legs around my lover and pull him deeper where he has no choice but to surrender and bow at my alter. Where he can no longer deny my passion, my thirst for him and for life. My soul needs to burn. It needs to be ignited and seen. It needs to be felt and embraced in return.
Alas, this is not the case. Instead my soul is dying. It is dim and lifeless. It lives in its own shadow of a time since gone. Instead I feel numbness that is not numb but painful. My body is over ridden with what feels like a plague. I question existence, purpose, and reason. I question my worth. Looking inward I see a woman who is lost and feels like life has been stripped away, yet there is still a glimmer of hope. This glimmer is hungry, it wants so badly to be strong and to push forward. It wants to feel again, to live again, to heal and most of all it wants to breathe.
90 days is a short time line. You can do anything for 90 days, right?
90 days is a extremely long time as well. It can change your whole chemical, molecular being. It can retrain your thoughts and it can open you up to the vastness that life has to offer, or it can shut you down and make you question life.
90 days can heal you.
90 days can torture you.
It only takes 90 days to turn a turned on woman into a woman who is under-fucked, bitter, numb and on the verge of hysteria. How do I know this? Because I am that woman. I am that turned on woman in the spot light, leading others to a turned on state of being and I am also that under-fucked woman crying out from the shadows of the dungeon of hysteria begging for mercy. That mercy being orgasm.
Orgasm use to come to me so easily. I could easily have 20+ orgasms in one love making session. I would experience clitoral, G-spot, cervical, female ejaculation and emotional orgasms just to name a few. They would course through my veins and roll through my body with ease, feeding me. Leaving me fulfilled and with so much to give to the people and world around me. I felt youthful, alive, confident, connected, passionate, full of desire and certainty. I could move through obstacles with faith and love. “
90 days of no orgasm sends you in another direction though.
29 things that 90 days of No Orgasm Gets You- My Personal Observation
- Irregular periods
- Heavier menstrual flow with more pain and moodiness
- A constant feeling of female blue balls- aching in my pelvis
- Less fluid stride in my walking
- Decreased confidence
- Headaches and body pain
- Decreased immune system- keep getting sick, always feel sick and cannot get well quickly
- Increased hunger
- Weight gain
- My once clear skin now has numerous acne breakouts
- Feeling of hopelessness
- Zero desire for anything
- A short fuse – limited patience/toleration and understanding
- Once clear head now has mental chatter
- Breast tenderness
- Zero libido
- Emotional out bursts
- Crying almost daily
- Anger that creeps into rage
- Fear to move forward with things
- Lumps and tender spots on or around my pussy
- Vaginal dryness
- Random Yeast infections
- Sensitive vaginal skin that tears easily
- Pain during and after any sexual play
- A feeling of disconnectedness to everything including my children, family, lover and friends. As well as G-d.
This may seem crazy to many who read this. How can all of that happen to a woman just from not having orgasm in her life?
But it does.
Science has been proving for a long time that orgasm is a vital nutrient to the feminine. It helps keep us women stabilized, positive and connected. In my practice I work with many women who have not had an orgasm for years, possibly even a life time. I also work with women who have become addicted to clitoral orgasms but believe or have not had anything deeper than this. Keeping them in a quick fix mode of orgasm which is often the case in female masturbation practices or even in our sexing.
Ancient spiritual based practices, dating back 7,000+ years spoke and taught on how important orgasm, real orgasm not just climax was to the feminine. It goes far past our physical well being and even our psychological well being. Orgasm is the well spring of creation and connection to the divine. To God. When we women do not have true orgasm in our lives and a space to surrender to our lover and our orgasm then we turn off to life. We disconnect from our partner, from our world and from ourselves. We move from the embodiment of self and radiance to living in our heads and just “dealing” with this thing called life. Life becomes about the duty instead of the living.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of under-fucked women. I say under-fucked not to sound crude and that women “should be” fucked, but to make the point that women do need to be held in a space for a long enough time frame with a safe masculine that can stand in her fires, in her tears and in her orgasm. This masculine can not be forced on her. He must earn her. Earn her trust. Her heart and her orgasm. This is not a space that many men are familiar with nor have they been taught about in todays society. However, when the chosen masculine is there holding this space then the woman can release into the greatest depths of surrender with herself and with him, thus creating the feeling that he has fucked her wide open to the universe. It is in this space that the feminine gets filled with love and with orgasm to her core. All other concepts of orgasm are nothing more than illusions and hoaxes.
Clitoral orgasm is a masculine orgasm. It is sharp, quick and what I call fast food. It feels good for the moment but that is all it gives you a moment and you find yourself hungry and feeling empty shortly thereafter. It also trains the body and mind to accept less than what is possible. Once we believe that this is all that orgasm is then many never think to venture further down the path to find true fulfillment.
But this is us settling for something that will never be anything more.
In todays society and way of thinking we claim to desire so much yet few are willing to go out and make their desires a reality. We settle for the lessor car because it is economical, the lessor house because the school district is what we think is better, the lessor relationship because it is better then no relationship and he/she is nice. We settle for the lessor orgasm because we don’t know that there is anything better and we don’t have the time to get it. So, we settle.
I could easily be writing this about masculine orgasm as well, however I am not. Focusing on the feminine because this topic is near and dear to my heart and my pussy. The above share is my truth about a time that I went longer than 90 days without orgasm. I had to learn how to surrender to myself in other ways to escape the lack of orgasm that I had in my sexing. I had to rediscover myself and my passion in other areas to ignite my orgasm again so that I could have it. I had to lean into my pain and fear and face them with love for self and life. I had to go back to the roots of my desires and start there. FRESH.
This is the path that every woman who is without true orgasm must take. The answer to connecting to an orgasmic life is to learn how to surrender to life. To embody yourself and to discover your core desires.
I share this musing with you in hopes that you will do just these three things and give yourself permission to live the orgasmic, turned-on life that you deserve.
3 Keys to Opening Up to Your Orgasm
- Daily practice pussy communication. This is a foundational practice to reconnect you to your pussy. If you are living in your head then you are not embodying yourself. If you do not get back into your body then you will have limited to no sensation and you are blocking yourself from your divine feminine as well. Meaning that you have muted your intuition. Intuition is an art of blending voice of spirit with feelings and physical sensations of the body. By focusing on communication with your pussy on a daily basis you will tap back into your truth and feel more led by your core. Things will start to work out in your favor more and you will also start hearing your voice of desire again. To do this exercise all you need is a quiet space and your hands. Take your left hand and place it on your heart, your right hand and place it on your pussy. Now just breathe deep into your stomach, pulling the breath down as far as you can to allow your tummy to expand. Hold the breath for a moment and inquire with your pussy, “What message do you have for me?” From here move into a dialogue with your pussy as you focus on your breathing and feel for the sensations that she has to share with you. Ask her questions such as, “How do you feel about this relationship? – This job? – This move?” etc. Then listen to the sensations in your body. Your body’s wisdom is your soul speaking to you about what is best for your highest and greatest good.
- Vulva Love Practice. Set aside time each day or at very lest 3 times a week to do this goddess practice. Set up a space that is pretty to all your senses. If possible, do this practice outside a few times with the sun shining down on your pussy. Create a sacred space with smells, music and different textures that you enjoy and find relaxing. Allow yourself to relax into this space as you gently massage your vulva with your favorite oil (I suggest unscented coconut oil). Make slow strokes and really allow yourself to feel all the sensations of your fingers running across your pubis mound and vaginal lips. Massage and stroke for feelings of pleasure NOT orgasm or climax. Notice how good it feels to just feel the soft, conscious touch. Next stroke with the intent of love and appreciation. With each stroke say out loud or internal words of love and appreciation to your pussy. Speak of her beauty. Her ability to receive pleasure and give pleasure. Her ability to manifest life. Speak of her warmth, her velvety softness. Remember to say thank you to your pussy for all that she has given you and that you value her guidance in your life.
- Pussify Your Life. In this exercise you only need to ask your pussy for her feelings about something. This is a beautiful practice to focus us women on embodiment to self, something that many of us have lost in our modern world. To start and give you a feel for this practice, take on your under-ware and bra drawers. Take each pair of panties out and one by one hold them up to your pussy. Now ask, “Do you like this pair of panties?” Then feel what sensations come up in your body. Notice your emotions around each garment. If you have anything other than a strong F-ck YES! To the garment then toss it without question into a get rid of pile. Do this with all your panties and then move to your bra’s. If you want to really pussify your world, move to your closet and clean it with the guidance of your pussy instead of your logical brain. The result is that you will find yourself with ONLY garment that make you feel good. You will clear out all the things that you thought you needed for some logical reason or have been holding onto to be smart or out of fear of not replacing it. When you do this, you will now not only be honoring yourself and your emotions, you find that you are more turned on to life and feeling better about what you look like as well.
You are a divine, beautiful woman who deserves orgasm in her life.
For you to have all the orgasm that you want, sexually and generally in life, you MUST own your ORGASM and open to fully receiving the blessings that the universe and your pussy have for you.
This is a decision though.
Do you want a Turned- On Life?
Do you desire a life full of rapture and blessing?
Do you crave a fairytale relationship?
Do you desire gourmet sex?
Then choose YOU!
Choose to EMBODY YOU.
The ‘Inner Game’
“No discussion of coaching would be complete without mention of Timothy Gallwey and his insights into the ‘inner game’.
Gallwey’s book, The Inner Game of Tennis, revolutionised thinking about coaching. He suggested that the biggest obstacles to success and achieving potential were internal, not external. His insight was that coaches could help individuals to improve their game by distracting them from their inner dialogue and, in particular, the critical voice that said “Not like that! Concentrate on your hands! Angle it differently!”.
By distracting that inner voice, the body could take over. It turns out that often the body has a very clear idea of what to do when internal dialogues are suppressed. Gallwey used the example of asking people to focus on the height at which they hit the tennis ball. This activity has no relevance in itself, but the simple act of focusing on it distracted the inner voice and enabled the capable body to take over. The individual relaxed and their tennis improved immediately.
Gallwey’s real insight was that this didn’t just apply to tennis, but that individuals generally did have the answers to their own problems within themselves.
The essential part of coaching, then, is to help people to learn to silence that inner voice and allow their instincts, or their subconscious, to take over. Sometimes that means distracting it, and sometimes it’s about exploring the ‘worst case scenario’ and removing the fear.”
And this folk’s is what I do as a Sex & Relationship Coach.
As of late, I have been under a bit of scrutiny from several people about my sex coaching business, everywhere from friends to family to other colleagues who all have misconstrued beliefs about what sex coaches do. Honestly, I am not shocked because the truth is that sex coaching is fairly new in mainstream consciousness. If you met ten sex coaches, they would also all have a slightly different way of coaching and different elements that are included in this coaching. Even in my local area, I can think of several sex coaches, and every single one of us approaches coaching in a different manner. Some use more direct talking methods, some incorporate more spiritual practices, some use more straight education, and others are more experiential. This is on top of the fact that sex is still a taboo topic in our society, so it’s no wonder that I get both horrified and intrigued looks when I share with others the career I am so passionate about.
There’s a vast variety of questions and assumptions that people have when hearing that myself and my fellow colleagues are sex coaches. That being said, the one that comes up the most is, “Are you a prostitute? So you have sex with your clients?”
I do not have sex with my clients. Again, I do not have sex with my clients! And one more time since people struggle to hear this one, I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MY CLIENTS! I have zero judgments against individuals who choose to make a living via prostitution. In my life, I have known several women who have been sex workers to survive and, unfortunately, were forced to do so illegally due to our current laws. It makes me very happy to see places like Vegas that are trying to take the oldest career known to man and make it safer for both the client and the sex worker. Sex is a normal and natural pleasure afforded to us as humans that keeps us healthy and vibrant. It’s not my place to say if someone needs or desires to pay someone to have these needs met because, honestly, not everyone is lucky enough to have a committed partner. I believe in sex work when done in a safe and consensual manner.
That being said, I am not a prostitute. All the sex coaches I know (and I know quite a few) and I have the policy that they do not have intercourse or perform or receive oral sex from clients. I have written that on my website in several places and tell clients when I first meet them that although I am helping people with sex, this does not mean I am having sex with them. Yet, it is a question I get asked almost weekly. And it is actually one that has provided my colleagues and me with some funny stories.
One day, I was doing an initial Tantric mindfulness session—which includes some meditation, breathing, and Kundalini activation—with a brand new client. My sex coaching practice was somewhat new, and as he felt his sexual energy activate, he opened his eyes, looked right at me, and said, “I’ve decided that I want to practice having Tantric sex, and you love Tantric sex, and so you’re going to have Tantric sex with me next time.” I lifted one eyebrow and reminded him of all the different times we had discussed boundaries and how sex is not a part of sex coaching. He became desperate and began gyrating his hips to “show me” how good he would be at this practice. I worked incredibly hard at not bursting into hysterics at that moment, and once I had composed myself, I set some limits with him, and unfortunately, he chose not to have any more sessions with me after that initial session. It is definitely a story that I will always remember and one that has provided me with vital learning lessons—no matter how much I state what I DON’T do, there will always be people that don’t want to hear it.
Different practitioners have different boundaries surrounding the level of touch, if any, and also the nature of what happens in sessions. But unless it is specifically stated that we are offering sexual surrogacy, then they most likely are not offering to have sex with their clients. And honestly, even many sex surrogates don’t actually have intercourse with clients.
That being said, am I going to try to help stir some sexual energy? Yes! Our sexual energy (Kundalini energy) is what keeps us alive, what you tap into during many yoga practices, and what gives us as humans much of our drive. I view our sexual energy as a major tool in manifesting the lives we want, as the spiritual connection we are looking for, and as a way to take the connection within ourselves and in relationships to a deeper place. However, this energy can be stirred simply by breathing! I, personally, am not just a sex coach but actually first and foremost a Tantric practitioner who utilizes these principles in my practice. This still does not mean I am having sex with my clients!
In our society, and especially in the Bible belt, many practices are shunned without a true and honest understanding. People allow their ignorance to speak first without asking questions. Just like sex coaching is not as it appears, neither is the practice of Tantra, which is not solely about sex but instead about weaving our energy throughout life. The aspects that are sexual are about bringing greater awareness and honor into our sex lives and using this awareness to bring us closer to our spiritual source, ourselves, and our partners. I know having honor and true worship during sex is a foreign concept to many in the Western world, where porn, objectification, and hookup culture are rampant, but this is the true nature of Tantra and what I teach in my sex coaching practice. So I view the use of Tantra as important in not only my sex coaching but also coaching of any kind because, at the end of the day, most humans desire more fulfilling and happier lives.
As a sex coach, I want you to be able to dig deeper into your own feelings, thoughts, and beliefs surrounding sex. I want you to learn to connect with your own body and your partner’s body in new and exciting ways. I want you to experience energy in sessions that is orgasmic … but not necessarily have what is typically seen as orgasm/climax in session.
I’m holding a space for you to talk about your shame, your desires, your sexual difficulties. I’m helping you reawaken your energy and passion while creating the life you have always dreamed of having. I am educating you on chakras, your genitals, your partner’s genitals, breathing, orgasm, and basically anything you can think of in regards to sex. I am helping you feel more into your body and recognize that your sexual energy, when used throughout your life, will provide you with a new level of energy and vitality and the ability to attack your life.
Honestly, yes, there will be dildos, “pussy pillows,” lube, and other sex toys for demonstrations, so if this offends you, then I suggest you not come into my office. There will most definitely be words used that may make you blush and conversations that make you squirm a little, and that’s okay. I’m not here to have sex with you, but I am here to reintroduce you to your sex.
My work is done mostly with your brain, your heart, and your soul, not your genitals!