Today Give Yourself Permission to Fall In Love.

Giving myself permission to fall in love while in isolation.

Such a beautiful opportunity to come back to self.

To come back to what matters most in this life

and to fully embrace all that I have not yet allowed to manifest.

Can you do the same?

Imagine a world that took this time of solitude,

this time of silence,

this time of moving slower and not rushing here and there,

as an opportunity to fall in love.

To fall in love with SELF first.

To fall in love with all your own little quirks and those things you find fault in.

To fall in love with the things that you find challenging.

To fall in love with your DESIRES.

To fall in love with your hopes and your dreams.

Imagine if you sat with all the things that you think about and made a plan as to what steps you needed to take to open the doorway to you creating the life that you want.

Imagine if you did not JUST THINK about the steps but actually took action on all the ones that you could RIGHT NOW.

Imagine if you looked at the person that you “wish” you could be and that you know that you must become in order to have this life you desire and started to implement just three to five things into your daily practice that would support you fully stepping into this person who calls in those dreams and desires with ease.

Imagine if you took this time to reconnect to YOU.

To step away from the habits that you use to buffer yourself from feeling your truth.

Imagine if you looked past the things that you use to not feel and instead give yourself permission to feel your emotions, all of them.

Imagine if you allowed yourself to do some deep dive inquiry work with yourself to learn who you are right now and what your interests are without the expectations, needs or desires of others.

Imagine if you took some time today and each day to appreciate your body for supporting you the way that it does.

Imagine if you took time each day to connect to the people that you claim matter most to you.

Imagine if you slowed down even more,

and took time without any noise to really appreciate the sky.

The tree’s. The breeze. The sunshine. Nature.

Imagine if you took this time to learn something new.

Imagine if you took this moment that God is offering you and instead of focusing on the fear that the world is stuck in,

YOU…

YES YOU…

Realize your power.

Imagine what your life today could be like.

What your tomorrow would feel and look like.

Imagine with me now, a world of individuals doing just this.

Participating in a mass healing of consciousness.

A mass healing of embodiment.

A mass healing of self-love and appreciation.

A mass healing of community.

Because a better you,

is a better us,

is a better world.

But in order for this to be a real thing,

we each must do our part.

We must stop giving it only lip service and instead take action.

We must move forward with clarity in self.

This is how we turn the chaos into beauty.

Into peace.

But you must do your part, love.

You must know your worth,

know your value to today and to this world.

Knowing that in your actions,

your thoughts,

your embodiment,

you let your light be shown,

and with each light that ignites the darkness will be replaced with radiance.

We are a chosen people.

We are a people blessed by the hands of the creator.

We are a people that walk in the footsteps of greatness.

And how we progress forward is based on the choices that we each make.

SO if you think you have no power or say in the days and events to come,

THINK AGAIN.

You are the power.

You are the choice.

So live today in Self-Love and Awareness.

Dare to do something unique.

Dare to embody the self.

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.

Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.

Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

Photo credit to Photographyinwonderland.

Resistance to Your Heart Is Holding Back Your Desired Life.

The sky was coming down on me.

There I lay,

thrown out on the cold, damp grass…

Staring up into the heavens,

the full moon casting its light  down on me as though it was encouraging my breakdown.

I felt the earth beneath my body,

firm and cold to my plea,

my plea of not being enough.

 

This life that I have created,

this life that I love so deeply,

with all of its souls,

all the adventure,

all of the beauty.

Many days I feel that I am not good enough for this life.

I question why God has been so good to me?

Why do I keep reaping blessings,

why do people share such deep love with me,

Why do they value me so?

 

Don’t they see…

Don’t they see the human that I am.

The girl who still feels that she is not enough.

That pigeon toed wallflower who is lost in this thing called life?

 

Don’t they see that I fear myself.

I fear my messages.

I fear the spirit that moves through me,

that provides me such intensity at times.

 

I fear my heart.

That it may be wrong in its judgement,

it may guide me to loss and pain.

I fear that it was my heart that caused all of the pain,

and I know differently.

I know that the pain,

the sorrow,

is all based in my desire to control the outcome of my life.

I know that my heart which speaks from the place of deep understanding of soul,

never missguides.

It does not judge.

It knows.

It knows it truth,

and it just asks that I listen.

 

But I find on some days I cannot hear it for all the chaos that this beautiful life of mine has in it.

 

I cannot make out who I am on some days,

for who I am trying to be for everyone else.

 

And in this,

I become lost.

Just as you.

 

I snuggle into my humanness,

and I hold myself strong to the course that my head,

that my ego and all of society would tell me to be right and true.

And then in my final moments,

before I LET GO….

I find myself fighting to not drop to my knees,

to not lean in to this call.

This call that is so overpowering,

so enticing and juicy.

This call that I know if I let it pull me will guide me to all that I have wanted.

 

But I resist just a moment more.

I harden myself to all that I feel,

I toughen up like I have been told,

and I smile though I want to weep.

 

I say yes when I should say no.

I resist my truth yet some more.

As though it is helping me.

As though this will make me happy,

and solve my worlds problems.

 

Oh how funny we humans are.

How silly we are to run from all that we want,

all the while claiming we are pushing toward it.

 

We can not see our path,

as it lays out with each blind step that we take,

we cannot see it,

but if we learn to LET GO,

we can feel it.

It moves through us,

it moves us with each breath,

and those who choose to drop to their knees,

to lean into the call,

and allow our hearts to be seen,

if only for that flicker in time,

we grasp vision from the heavens above,

and we move.

 

 

Softly.

Gracefully.

In love.

 

We move.

 

But what you may not want to see,

is the mess,

the mess of this dropping.

The mess of letting go,

it may appear that one is falling apart,

trembling and lost more than ever before,

but this is a moment of expansion.

And a moment of revealing.

A moment where the heart leads.

 

There are no breakdowns,

only breakthroughs.

 

But we must allow them to be seen.

As we allow our hearts the same,

and through this process of shattering,

we transform who we are into who we were born to be.

 

BREATHE.

 

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Feel like you are lost and falling apart at the seams?

Like you have been working so hard for the life that you want,

but it still is not before you.

Let’s chat! Let’s get you cracked open and expanded so that YOU can call it in NOW.

 

Reach out to me about deet’s on 1:1 coaching and group now.

The Reason You Are Feeling Lost In Life & Love.

You wouldn’t do what I did.

Or would you?

 

Some would believe that they would do it.

Some would state with certainty even that they would.

Others would say well, I would do some of that,

but is all of it really necessary?

And others would simply drop their head and say, ” I wish I had the courage.”

 

And at the end of the day,

perhaps 1% would actually do what I have done.

 

And what is this that I am even speaking of?

Self-realization.

 

This is spoken of in many self-growth paths.

Spiritual teachers of all time have told of the importance of becoming self- actualized.

 

But what does it mean?

Why is it so important?

And how do we go about achieving it?

 

Self-actualization refers to the achievement of one’s potential while self-realization refers to the achievement of one’s personality.

 

We must become self-realized to become actualized.

To truly understand ourselves, we must gain a grander scope of our personality. Something that many people today avoid, change to fit in with those around them and even fully abandon so that  they can feel accepted. Creating a void within themselves and a distancing from their truth.

 

We must get right with our personality.

Our true personality that is.

Not the mask we wear.

 

And once we have done that then we can move forward and work on self-actualized.

 

Now we can have what would appear to be a successful life from the outside world. We can achieve fortune, family, health and experience.  But if it is not achieved from a state of our truth then we will forever feel lost and empty.

 

Never truly happy.

We will remain in the void of who we were born to be and the potential of our SOUL.

 

So how do we become self-realized?

In short we have to step out of our comfort of the masks that we wear.

 

If we are to discover who we truly are we have to STOP being dependent on others for our safety, our happiness, our feeling of connectedness, worthiness, purpose, etc.

 

We have to start to learn ourselves.

 

And here is where I confidently state,

You wouldn’t do what I did.

 

I recall the time frame that I moved into my rebirth of self.

It was a time that my soul decided that I needed to realize who I truly was outside of everything that I had become for the world around me.

 

And with this I went on a mission to great measures to learn myself.

 

I knew that if I kept acting, speaking, thinking and doing the way that I had been for this time,

that my life results would never change.

I would remain lost in who I was.

I would continue to feel empty.

I would continue to search.

 

So I went on a mission of self-discovery.

I dove deep into my shadow lands.

I faced anything that scared the crap out of me.

I genuinely looked at my relationships,

all of them.

I asked if they truly made me happy or if I felt like I was just serving the other people so that I did not get abandoned?

 

I asked if I was living the life that I truly wanted?

Knowing  that I was not.

My family life was not in harmony.

My health was having challenges.

My sex sucked.

My intimate relationship was not even a friendship any longer.

My finances were lacking.

 

I was struggling in every department.

And ignoring it and thinking that just putting my head down and pushing through was not working any longer.

Instead I was suffocating.

 

I had to make a change.

I had to know my truth.

And so I pushed my boundaries.

I stepped off the curb of life that I had myself on and I walked with blind faith into the uncharted territory of ME.

 

In this moment what I discovered was the very fact that I had been guilty of self-abandonment for my entire adult life.

 

I had fully stepped away from me.

And this was the only step I needed to take to become in alignment to my true personality.

Speak from a place of my authentic YES/NO.

 

This was the empowerment I was needing.

This was the learning of my true likes/dislikes.

This was where I found my courage.

It was where I realized my own style of genius.

It was the land of ME.

Without excuse.

 

And guess what formed from this space?

Self- actualization.

 

Through no longer abandoning myself for others wishes,

for no longer ignoring my truth,

for no longer leaning on others to tell or prove to me that I was lovable, worthy, beautiful, etc. I also tapped into my SOUL.

I danced with divine inspiration,

and the more I allowed myself to just be me,

feel me and do me,

the moree inspired thought came,

and the more inspired action happened,

and the more I felt my full potential being achieved.

 

Today, I know when I get into phases of my life where I am feeling bored, lost or indifferent that all I am being guided to become aware of is that I have leaned out of this state of self-actualization and that in order to step back into it,

I need just look at where I am looking for the outside world to feed me instead of turning inward and KNOWING MYSELF in the now.

 

Because we are ever changing.

We are evolving,

and we must not abandon this new version of who we are in this moment just because it presents a different desire, a different view or feeling about life, love, or anything.

 

By receiving our new version of self,

we put worth on it.

Thus realizing our worthiness for the life that we have and the life that we are creating.

 

Where have you abandoned yourself?

If you are feeling lost in life, in love or any subject of life, it is time to ask this of yourself and to realize that you soul is requesting you to step out of the comforts of what is no longer serving you and embrace the magic of the unknown.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Reach out to me for 1:1 or group coaching to move into the life that you want and learn how you can once and all be YES to you.

A Letter To My Mr. Forever.

A Letter To My Mr. Forever:
 
I already know who you are,
you have come to me in a dream long ago.
I have sampled our life together,
through relationships of the past.
 
I have felt your soft touch upon my skin,
the tickle of your finger tips as they profess their love,
I have felt your breath against my flesh,
breathing in the moments together.
 
I have felt your force,
your strength and determination,
your passion and hunger.
As you devour me with life itself.
 
I have watched you my love,
your heart expanding,
your kindness, compassion and fiercness.
I have laughed and danced with you.
Loving each twirl that you lead.
 
I have embraced the moments of powerful emotion,
sitting in your lap,
our hearts beating as one,
eye’s gazing into forever,
tears steaming from our blended joy.
 
I have felt you penetrate me,
holding me deep commanding my surrender to your presence.
I have witnessed the magic,
and felt it move through my veins in our loving of our flesh,
the loving that trandscends,
both time and space.
 
I have heard you sing to me,
eternal love songs,
smiling with your ocean eye’s,
and letting me know that I am your queen.
 
I have shuddered from your touch,
and pushed myself past boundaries I never knew existed.
I have explored raptures that only few will ever know.
 
I have witnessed the depth of your soul,
and felt the elation of my own,
united with yours.
Becoming one.
 
I have been blessed to feel the presence of heaven and of God,
in our union.
The scent of fresh roses wafting about the room,
as if manifest from thin air.
I have felt the magnitude of your love.
 
I see the man that you are,
and because I see you so clearly,
and feel you so deep,
I know the woman that you demand me to become.
 
And I am not yet your woman,
I am not yet the one for you.
I hold you close and yet at arms length,
because I know.
I know who I must become,
not for you my love,
but for myself.
 
You demand of me to become ALL of me.
You call me from the future,
reminding me of the woman that I truly am.
You lead me now,
in the moments that my heart awakens,
that my body explores,
you guide me with your patience,
and smile from afar.
 
I see you watching me.
Yours eye’s following my moves.
I see your pleasure in your witnessing of my birth,
waiting.
Waiting for me to relaize.
 
And this my love,
shows the man that you are.
 
You will never cave or be something that you are not.
You will never step out of your superiour masculine energy to beg me, or taunt me, or lead me to believe it is our time yet,
when it is not.
You get the value of trust and what it takes to have it truly with another.
You are not fearful of your desires,
you embrace them as you will one day embrace me.
You penetrate this world with purpose, passion, play and confidence,
and you wait to take my heart, body and soul in the same measure.
 
I can feel you here and now.
Your presence grows closer by the day,
and I foretaste of your love in my current.
I am in gratitude for the man that awaits me,
the man that holds me,
the man that guides from time and space.
 
I am coming.
 
———————————————————————————–
 
This musing goes out to all the ladies in waiting,
whether you be single or coupled in current,
if you are lacking or looking,
if you cannot find “the one” and wonder,
where is that man of my dreams?
If you are with a love, but it s not true,
you feel lost still to your core,
and you have tasted of the love that you desire,
this musing is for you.
 
Love my beautiful,
is for the expanding not the shutting down.
Love is for the healing and the recognizing,
not the wounding and the masking,
Love elevates not deflates.
Love holds your truth,
and smiles as you discover it.
 
Love does not fear loosing,
because it knows it has everything you need.
Love watches your dance,
embraces your play and your fear,
Love knows who you are,
and guides you just to that.
 
Love does not control.
Love does not run.
Love does not waiver.
 
And this my beautiful,
is who is calling you from the future.
This is your Mr. Forever.
 
But first my dear,
you must recognize,
the Queen that YOU ARE.
 
To unit with this sort of love,
the demand is for you to receive YOURSELF,
in all your emotion,
all your joy,
all your fear,
all your beauty,
seen and unseen.
You MUST be ready my beautiful,
to become the match for this man.
 
Go.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ladies in the house want to call in your Mr. Forever, reach out to me for guidance today to become the the woman that matches the man of forever.

Why Women Don’t Trust Men.

Tears that cannot be seen are still tears felt.
 
Often I meet people in some of the most difficult spaces of their lives.
They come to me in thier wounding,
in their fear,
in their bitterness and revenge.
Trauma masks them from their truth.
They are lost.
And with thier lostness they have comfort.
 
It is this way for anyone who has experienced pain.
And the pain much of the time is rooted in our thoughts of ego,
which continues to trap us in a nasty loop of past fears, thoughts, feelings and expereinces.
Due to this loop we feel comfort, but we never feel fulfilled or happy as well.
 
Abandonment is one of the the major culprits to this pain.
To these tears that are unseen.
 
Abandonment happens when we least expect it too, does it not?
 
Last night I was having a discussion with a close friend about this very topic. We sat over a bottle of guava rum and had some deep dives into vulnerable shares around relationships and how we could each see a pattern in our past relationships with men. The men that touched us in such a power way, the one’s who openned our hearts, expanded our thinking and taught us incredible lessons about our lives and who we are as women.
 
I sat there and shared about the four past relationships that I find most significant and that I can say that three of them I was deeply and still am today even (if I am real with you and I in this moment) in love with. These men awakened the woman that I am today. And I am ever grateful for them blessing my life as they had.
 
All four of these relationships, professed their undying love for me.
They all asked me to marry.
They all went deep into my heart and soul and penetrated me like no other. Each built on the one before,
taking me into new relams of love.
Oh the stories I could share, and have in other musings.
These four men,
they changed my world forever and taught me to love.
 
They also crushed me in ways that I am sure none of them ever intended of.
Their words of, ” I will fight for you.” – ” I love you unconditionally and want nothing more than your happiness.” – “I can see forever with you.” – “I would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” – You are my world.”
 
Yes, these words as if from a storybook romance,
so lovely, so enticing.
So real for the moment they were spoken,
were the words that also crushed me after a period of time.
 
These words became poison and what they all loved – me,
they tried to kill in their own way by severing through retraction, removal, disposal and even physically action down the road of our relationship.
 
Now, here is the thing I want you to get from this musing:
Was there pain? yes.
Is there still pain? In moments, yes.
But I am more in gratitude than pain at this point, some of these relationship I speak of were from 20 years past even.
Some just a few years back.
It is the lessons, the patterns that I see and want to share with you today.
 
All four men chose to say good bye.
All four shared this pattern in that good bye,
the pattern of not speaking their integrity.
 
They chose to hide from me,
from thier hearts truth.
They chose to lie to my face day in and day out,
even when I inquired directly about what I was feeling from them.
They chose to run and hide instead of face me and say goodbye with clarity and heart.
They chose to abandon.
And this lack of integrity,
caused unfinished business between us,
and shame for them.
They supported my programs of:
 
” I am not good enough.”
“I am unlovable.”
” I am disposable like trash.”
“I am not worthy of true love or even truth.”
“I am not worthy to have someone fight for me.”
“I cannot trust men.”
“I am not safe.”
 
What I see often in my couples work with clients are all these programed statements and beliefs in women and the men not underestanding why she feels this way or what he has done to cause it.
 
I tell you sweet men of the world,
it is your lack of integrity.
 
When you do not stand in your truth to your core,
when you waiver,
when you hide like a little boy behind your mother’s skirts,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you tell us that all is well, when it is not,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you take without care,
demand that she gives you her sex, her heart, her smile even though she is not a yes,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you do not stand in her fire but instead try to coddle and fix,
father, shame, guilt, or teach,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you shut down your heart to hide from us,
when you close off and retract your love through ignoring,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
When you promise what you have no right to promise,
making firm statments of forever,
preaching your unconditional, undying devotion without the understanding of what you are actually saying,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
And most of all…
when that moment comes,
if it does,
when you know that she is not the one,
you choose to say goodbye as a coward,
without an eye to eye meeting of the hearts,
when you ghost,
go distant and even turn it into her fault because you are not man enough to stand in your truth,
 
Yes my sweet men of the world….
HERE, here you create these fears of the feminine.
 
The advice I have for you,
is simple.
 
Realize that abandonment does not happen at the moment that you choose to walk away,
your abandonment happened long before,
it was in the very first stages of your lack of integrity.
When you chose to not speak it and be it,
you abndoned not just her,
you banadoned yourself as well.
And this is why she cannot trust.
This is why she cannot surrender.
This is why you will find yourself repeating the same issues with a different women in your life.
 
If you want to have your woman fully,
learn to stand true in who you are.
Even if you do not have an answer for her in a moment,
or unable to fix what has gone astray,
if you feel lost in your emotions,
speak just that sweet man.
 
“My integrity in this moment, is that I don’t know.”
 
Whatever your truth may be,
she will respect and love you for it,
if she knows that she can trust you.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on learning how to create an authentic relationship based in love, integrity and desire.
*Photoe credit to www.photographyinwonderland.com

Valentines Day, Affairs, Truth Shares and What Sex Really Means To You.

I have sex probably 25 to 40 times a month.

How about you?

Sounds like a lot?

Not enough?

 

What is your opinion.

Not that your opinion matters to my sex life,

but it may matter to your sex life.

And here is what you need to be considering on this Valentine’s day….

 

💃Why do I have sex?

💃Why do I say no to sex?

💃What is it that I am hoping to achieve from sex?

💃How does sex serve me in life?

 

 

Sex causes us humans a bunch of problems in relationship.

And the main reason for the issues that it stirs is that we are focused on the scarcity of the sex in our lives.

 

Most relationships today have at least one partner if not both wanting for more of something…

More sex.

More intimacy.

More connection.

More touch.

More emotion.

More time together without distraction.

 

And this desire for something and the concentration we put on the evidence that we do not have it is what causes us to keep not having it.

 

Not having as much or the kind that we are wanting for with any of the above.

 

This feeling of lack then leads us to searching for it elsewhere.

Now this does not always mean an affair in the sort of sexual or even emotional with another human being….

 

Now sometimes we fill the void that has emerged (and we keep there with our certainty of it being there) with such things as work, exercise, hobbies, worry,  booze, illegal and legal substances, etc.

 

Yeah you can “cheat” on your partner with any of these things.

We just don’t always view it as cheating because it is not sex and it is not another human that is taking our primary focus away from our intimate relationship or partner,

but in truth it’s possibly worse to “cheat” with one of these things then an actual human being.

 

I mean at least with another human you gain the possibility of filling up that void to some degree, where these items will only mask the real issues and keep you empty from the nutrient that you are searching for.

 

(Now, I am not saying go cheat on your partner in any fashion… I am just bringing some things to light and why people cheat to begin with.)

 

You may be wondering why I am choosing to discuss affairs on Valentines Day….

 

Well, today happens to be one of the BIGGEST days of the year that couple’s lie to each other.

 

Over fifty percent of couple’s have at least one partner stepping out of the relationship in secret to get their intimate needs met.

 

Over fifty percent of marriages are sexless.

Over 70% of women have said that they have had on multiple accounts sex they did not want with their partner, and many of them count this act as a sort of rape.

Sexual disease is on the rise…. with monogamous couples 🤔

Yeah… I just said that… do the math….

Studies have been done in recent times showing that over 20% of children in monogamous relationships are not the fathers.

 

And the statistics list just keeps going on.

 

So we lie to our partners about our intimate needs and desires.

We coddle them so as to not hurt their feelings, taking responsibility and stealing their power from them by making these choices to not speak our needs and truths to the very people we claim to be best friends with.

To claim that we want to live our lives with,

that we fully trust…

well fully as long as that mean’s that we don’t have to be vulnerable about sex to them.

That is pushing the envelope a tad bit too much.

So we refrain and lie.

 

Sex causes us humans a bunch of issues.

We are scared of our sex.

We are ashamed of it.

We even hate on it and don’t trust ourselves or our partners with it.

 

But we sure want more of it and are focused on not having enough of it, are we not?

 

It is beacuse sex equals:

👉 Makes us feel worthy – it affirms that we are worthy of someone else’s attention and feeling good.

👉Makes us feel lovable – it is evidence that our partner loves us.

👉Makes us feel desired – if our partner gives us sex then that means they want us.

👉Makes us feel happy – if we have an orgasm/climax then chemicals are released that help us to feel less stress and happy

 

I have heard many a man say, “Sex makes me feel powerful and that I am a man!”

 

I have heard a lot of women say, “Sex makes me feel used and that it is my duty.”

 

 

P-R-O-B-L-E-M!

 

Do you see it?

 

I hope so.

And here is where sex causes us relationship issues at an even deeper level.

Here is where bitterness, resentment and anger,

as well as traum get stored up.

 

And where other problems ( such as the one’s at the beginning of this musing) get their roots for.

 

A sexless marriage did not start that way.

It became that way for this reason here above.

 

Partners are using each other to make themselves feel something that they have not emotionally mature enough to find withinside themselves,

and so they search outside of themselves and when it is given and then taken away,

it creates a sexual codependency.

And their very “worthiness” is rooted in their partners willingness to have sex with them. 

In reverse, many partners fear stating their truth from early on because of the highly normal fear of abandonment or need of their mate in some fashion for survival.

 

So, at the end of the day when the truth is not spoken but is heard in the core of each, you find one if not both partners smiling, telling a lie and finding their fulfillment outside of their relationship.

 

Is there hope?

Is the answer having more sex or no sex with you rmate?

 

Yes there is hope.

If both partners are dedicated to the relationship and want healing for self first and relationship second,

then they can work toward a solution and happy intimacy path.

 

Is more or no sex the answer?

Forced sex on either spectrum is never going to be healing or supportive of the relationship.Getting in your truth and working together in compassion and love is the path to wher eyou want to get.

Changing your focus from scarcity and fear to love and appreciation can move mountains.

 

Want to learn more about stratigies to overcome affairs, build authentic communication and reelating and heal your sex life?

Reach out to me today to learn about coaching opportunities that can support you in love, sex and life.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

*photography credit to Photography In Wonderland

So You Think You Can Poly? Why so many monogamous couple’s are turning toward open relationship.

So you think you can poly?
You think you can do open relationship?

Right now I have a bunch of couples coming to me with the desire to open their relationship up.
I have a bunch of singles who desire to get into an open relationship as well.
What’s up with all the openness?

I will tell you what’s up with all the openness…
Open relationships are effing amazing!
They are built on an unconditional love and acceptance that most monogamous relationships could only ever dream of.
Open relationships when done right,
are all about each partner giving themselves and each other the permission and support to explore who they really are and to get their needs and desires met how they feel fit without the fear of loosing their primary partner.
Open relationships encourage each partner to truly work on themselves and move through their limiting belief structures,
through their fear based needs and ideas around jealousy and control equalling love.

Open relationships are hardly ever about the sex.
Although sex is a big part of the relationship guidlines and agreements,
sex is never what it is ultimatly about.
And here is why…

Anyone can go get laid pretty easily.
If you are a female,
there is free, easy to get sex around every corner, no matter your age, looks or anything else.
If you are man, yeah it can certainly be a bit harder ( no pun intended..lol- okay maybe intended)
but at the end of the day if you truly desire it and have a bit of confidence then there is a chick who will hand it over pretty easily.

So sex is not difficult to get.
But thats just friction based, empty sex.
There is nothing too it.
No heart, no soul, no connection.
Its just skin rubbing skin ending with a pump, pump ooohhh, goo, moment.

And that is most likely part of the problem in the primary relationship that triggered this whole idea to open the relationship to start.

Heartless, quick, empty, friction based sex on one side or both.

Opening up the relationship is because one partner if not both feels lost in who they are.
They are starving to be seen, felt and understood.
They are hungry for a deep orgasm.
And that deep orgasm can only come about with care,
with some feelings attached to the person they are dancing with.
Or else, its pointless.
It’s empty and in truth sorta traumatizing to the mental and emotional houses.

Opening up is about realizing that not all connection is equal.
Realizing that NO ONE person will ever, or can ever fill all of our needs. That when we are closed that we will live out our lives only meeting one aspect of self as well.
When we open, it is more about us meeting all the facets of who we are, then about getting laid or having an orgasm.
Opening up is about allowing yourself to breathe into self,
to explore different venues of the mind, the emotions, the physical body.

If you have had sex with more than one person in your life,
then you can pause a moment and think about the different ways each partner made you feel. You can think about how you reacted, conversed differently with each person. How each person, taught you new things about life, or revealed different likes or thoughts, even personalities of the self.

This is why people open.
We grow weary and bored with the self.
We become numb to all this beauty we hold in ourselves,
and we forget who we are.
Our candles grow dim and we need someone to strike a match and help light us up again to all the treasure we have within.

A person who lives in fear of loosing their partner prevents themselves and their partner from ever authentically showing up in the relationship or in the sex. Fear creates an energy of neediness,
fear creates a desire to control outcomes,
and a belief that if our partner loved us truly then they would always put us first.
After all we are the primary partner.
We are the significant other.
We are the life mate.

In truth, the relationship that must hold center stage for any person,
is the relationship with self.
And when we choose to disregard the relationship with self,
we close ourselves to all we have to offer this life,
to offer our partner,
our family and friends.
And we slowly die within.

So yes, this may seem like I just said you need to be selfish in relationship and put yourself in front of EVERYONE else,
and I did say that.
It’s true.
You will never be able to fill the needs of those you love if your vessel is empty.
You must put self- care first.
and in open relationship,
this is understood and honored.
We best honor and love our primary partners and all relationships in our lives when we take care of self in all area’s first.
Now, don’t let this statement lead you to believe that open relationship is about partners demanding things left and right without care to anyone else’s feelings or needs.
Only a self- centered person does that.
And self-centeredness and selfishness are vastly different things.

No, in open relationship the partners discuss needs,
discuss ideas on how to best support each other,
and know that in order to remain deeply rooted in each other and keep their relationship primary,
that they MUST set healthy guidelines, boundaries and agreements in place and honor them.
They know the importance of setting aside time for connection daily and weekly with each other,
keeping the relationship that they claim as a primary,
just that…
PRIMARY FOCUS.
but they do so by honoring themselves as well and speaking their needs and desires. Understanding that sometimes their partner cannot give them what they want or need in that moment.

Yes, open relationship equals difficult, real, raw conversations.
Open relationship means a willingness to see and hear your partners truth and know that you cannot always be the one to support them the way they need.
Open relationship understands that intimacy and vulnerability, truth and answers are not always pleasing or easy to step into.
But that it is what is needed if we truly love someone.
Unconditionally.

Today I ask you to look at your relationship,
no matter the label you identify with.
I ask you to look at your relationship and ask yourself these simple questions,

“Am I making my primary relationship, primary? And how am I doing this?”

“Am I acting out of fear and control in my relationship, or am I offering authentic unconditional love and support?”

“Do I feel that my partner owes me anything or is responsible for my feelings? If so how is this serving either of us or our relationship?”

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn about opening up in relationship or want to keep it monogamous but practice the conversations and relating skills of an open relationship? Message me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching opportunities.

 

The Avalanche of Negative Momentum in Relationship – How to Cope?

Have you noticed that a lot of challenges and upsets in your relationship happens because of one person’s sensitivity to what is being said or what they “think” they are hearing?
 
And have you noticed that after you have been with someone for a bit,
that is feels like when you get into a confrontation that there is no bottom to how deep and dark you can take it?
That there seem’s to be no bottom to the level of pain that you may venture into,
or the memories that you can come up with?
 
And it all feels so nasty, does’nt it?
It feels so real.
 
Arguing is never a fun thing in relationship.
Especially in our most intimate relationships.
 
But what causes this?
And how can we more consciously deal with this negative momentum that occurs in our fighting?
 
First, its important to relaize that it is NOT a reflection of who you are,
or who your partner is,
or what your relationship is.
 
Its just a vibrational discord that is occuring.
Its a reflection of your energies not being aligned in that moment.
 
And one of the best things you can do it to speak just that.
And state that it is JUST A MOMENT.
That it is a moment of imbalance.
 
It has no permancy to it.
Realize that you are both making too much of it.
That with all the beauty,
all the blessings that you have in life,
that what you should be doing is feeling just that,
BLESSED.
 
But, don’t get caught up in the judgement of this realization.
Remember that compassion heals,
judgement harms.
 
Recognize what is happening in compassion,
be easy on yourself and your partner.
 
And, then remember that there is momentum in your energy that is moving you along like this,
Realize that this event that you are standing in right now,
is NOT from RIGHT NOW.
It has been building up momentum for some time,
it is residual momentum in your energy.
Just something triggered it.
 
Even though you may be feeling like you got blindsided by this dorment momentum,
that it’s okay.
 
Know that your vibration is where you last left it.
Meaning that just because this event is happening,
does not mean that you have to fall prey to your old vibrational ways of dealing with it.
 
You are being offered the opportunity to move forward with new eye’s as to how you wish to position yourself and where you want to go with your energy.
 
If you lean back into all those old memories that will so easily fester themselves up right now,
or you ponder all the times he/she said/did…
then you are now contributing to the momentum.
 
Leaning into ease and letting go of the energy,
you may feel strange or even fearful,
you may feel like you are jumping out of a plane without a parachute,
however the reverse is you fighting for your point,
and increasing the momentum of what you do not want.
 
Feeling insecure.
Self- judgement.
Self- Blame.
Feeling inconsiderate to each other.
And the list goes on and on endlessly.
 
As I am sure you have expereinced a few times in relationship fighting.
 
Instead try speaking this:
 
” I love you too much and I love me to much, I love us to much to continue this negative momentum.”
 
This statement offers zero judgement about the momentum or where it came from.
 
Its all accurate and real,
you are not making up the imbalance,
you are now just not adding to it.
 
You can want for whatever you are wnating for.
It is good and healthy to want.
The only thing you need to embrace is that in order for you to have what you are wnating for,
you must be a match to it,
and you cannot expect or demand another human being to act or be any particular way to get you what you want.
Or to make you happy.
Otherwise, this is making them a conditional lover.
Which makes your relationship one of need instead of love.
 
Instead when you step away from being conditional lovers/partners,
 
you now take responsibility for your own happiness.
You can say to your partner that you love them,
but that you are not going to act or do something just to appease them,
or to sooth their emotional state of being.
You can let go of the riegns of responsibility of what they are thinking or feeling and encourage them that this is thier moment to self-sooth.
Knowing that this is empowering to them and to you.
And even though there may not be any reaction changes,
you can stand at more peace because you are being authentic and in alignment whith your TRUTH,
verses being a conditional lover.
 
Think about it,
all relationships are the same.
In every relationship there is a dominant person and a submissive person,
and this can work well for many things,
it is also looked at as the masculine and the feminine,
we need the polarities in relationship to have attraction and desire,
but these poles can be abused.
And often are out of the name of love.
but when we access that poyant reality of who we all are,
children of God,
then we must also realize that the most loving thing in relationship is to accept and honor,
that no one is your boss and you are not the boss of anyone.
 
This concept of I own you.
I posess you.
Because I love you.
Is abuse of the word love.
It is not of the heart and soul,
but of the ego and fear.
Thus pulls us out of alignment and consistnetly builds and triggers such negative momentum as we have been speaking of here.
 
Realize that when you are looking for some sort of behaviour shift that what you are doing is trying to be the boss of your partner.
 
So instead of letting the momentum carry you to actually screaming these things at each other,
pause and say…
 
” I love you too much and I love me to much, I love us to much to continue this negative momentum.”
 
And PAUSE!
 
Yes pause.
This is the space to go your seperate ways,
to reflect and breathe,
to refocus yourself from fear and back into love.
 
This is also you putting the most important relationship back at center stage in your life,
that being the relationship with self and God.
It must be paramount.
And if you can make this relationship of the highest importance,
then your partner will follow,
because you will be in alignment and you will be magnetic in your ways,
acting and speaking out of love once again.
 
And this is where you move from.
A higher vibrational acting point.
 
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Looking for moree clarity and tools as to how transform your relationship of now into the relationship of your dreams?
Message me about privtae coaching strategies that show you the way.

The Realness of What You Are Living.

What is it that you want?
What do you want for in relationship?
 
You want for ease.
You want for connection.
You want for this thing called love.
 
And perhaps you are not feeling these things today in your relationship.
 
Perhaps when I ask you the question of, “what do you want?”
You have an increase sense of pain, frustration, loss, fear, anger even.
 
These emotions rise up not because you are focusing in on what you want. They are present because you are actually looking at what you do not want.
 
You are looking at the void. The void you see of not having the relationship that you want. Of not having the ease you desire. Of not having the connection you crave fullfilled. Of not having the love you want for.
 
But knowing what you don’t want makes it easier to know what you do want too.
 
Think about it for a moment, close your eyes. Lets feel into the love that you are wanting for.
 
Its that kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, right?
Its that kind of love that makes you feel at peace, right?
It’s that kind of love that makes you feel good about yourself, right?
 
Its that kind of love that asks you to just be you.
You don’t have to try and be or act any certain way.
You just are accepted for how you are.
IT JUST IS.
 
What if I told you that you are looking for this in ALL the wrong places.
 
You are looking for this love to come from an individual. In doing this you are stepping out of your truth and power.
 
You are now a victim to another fickle human being who may change at any given moment.
When the answer is to go within and to God/Universe/Source.
 
When you look to another person as the cause of the love, for that feeling of love what you are doing is giving them credit for your alignment to SOUL.
Alignment to God.
Alignment to your TRUTH, your CORE.
 
What we humans do in our search for alignment through the feeling of love is that we keep searching for the “ONE” who will make us feel all that.
And so we keep replacing people in our lives to try and get this love that we crave so badly for,
when in fact what we need to be doing is not necessarily replacing people but finding true connection with God, with our TRUTH and from this place of being,
of living and feeling in love,
the person we have always drempt for will come.
 
The realness of what we are living,
the IS’NESS of our reality and us focusing in on just that is what keeps us from having the connection that we crave for.
 
The more we relate the lovely expereince of being in love,
and being loved to a person,
it leaves us in a place of searching for that state of well being,
and yumminess,
beauty in life and love, when we no longer have that person in our life.
Leaving us feeling lost,
empty, and abandoned.
And we sometimes choose to close our hearts to love.
We hide from it because it scares us of the potential of getting hurt from it. So we go into avoidance.
We numb ourselves,
we use detachment from relationship and our heart,
to protect us from the evils of loosing love.
Yet we do not cease to desire it still.
 
This is us looking in all the wrong places for love, and not understanding what love really is.
 
When we are feeling love from someone or for someone,
what we are being gifted is the ease of being in alignment.
It is our alignment to God though that is making us feel love.
Our alignment to our truth and core.
 
When we place responsibility on another for this feeling,
we are now living in a state of need for them to BE in order for us to expereince what is always with us.
 
The way it is for most people is that we need another person to act, to be, to show us love in just such a way and then we FEEL LOVED. And when they stop doing this or change how they are doing it, we feel unloved, undesired.
 
And when we are feeling loved we feel in alignment to life,
like you are walking on sunshine.
 
But it can all quickly change if the fickle human we have given all our power to changes directions or focuses and relates to us differently.
 
The truth is this:
When we find our alignment to God and SOUL, here we find love. True love that is sustainable and without question or need of anyone else.
 
And when we are in alignment and hold course,
the things we desire the most will manifest quickly and with ease.
 
They must.
 
Because this is the purest state of creation.
 
When we want for something with such passion in this state,
when we feel what we want prior to it manifesting in the physical, it does not take long for us to start allowing it into our physical life expereince so it can hosw itself. As we allow for it to be revealed to us with more and more ease, we create an avalanche effect of energy.
 
And life become blissful.
 
Here is where food tatste so delectable,
the world is bright and cheery,
we meet friendly people with smiles and helping hands in just the right moments around every corner,
we feel ignited and turned on to every breath we breathe.
We are living in a state of fulfillment with a consistent desire to expereince more.
 
And in this place of being,
we can have EVERYTHING we want for in relationship.
 
You are not being requested to stay in the emptiness of relationship that you may be in right now.
 
You are not being requested to be happy with this the relationship status that you have.
 
But if you truly want for the relationship of your dreams,
then the first tsep to achieving it is to find your alignemnt and love for life,
love for self,
and connection to God.
 
You can tell a person who is turned on to life.
Who love’s self,
loves life,
and is connected to God.
 
This persos radiates love and beauty.
This person glows.
And is magnetic.
You may think of them as lucky.
 
But all they have discovered is the secret,
the secret of alignment.
 
Where are you restricting yourself from love?
 
Let Go and Lean In.
Breathe and Allow.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to know more about how to call in the “ONE” and find your alignment to have the F-ck YES! Life you desire? Message me about coaching opportunities today.

Accessing the Light Of Your Desire.

I woke with a hunger.
My sex was on fire and I knew what I needed.
I rolled over, spread my legs and moaned a sigh of desire.
Here my turn on was,
igniting me in this moment,
making me yearn for something deeper.
Yes deeper in my sex,
but deeper in my life as well.
A feeling of fear moved through my body and I could feel myself leaning toward contraction of all this yumminess.
As I pondered the sensations,
the hunger,
the cravings and creatve juices of what was birthing from this ignition,
I also feared loosing all that I had created.
Could I survive my turn on?
Could my relationships survive my turn on?
Could the life that I had created thus far survive,
and if so how would all be transformed?
 
This is the agony of turn on.
We touch on it at moments in our life and as we feel its heat upon our flesh and in our hearts,
we fear its power.
Our power.
And question if we can survive accessing a deeper level of who we truly are.
The majority of people choose safety and mediocrety.
They step back from the flames of their SOUL ignited and they choose to ignore it.
To just maybe crack the door to their soul but a hair, so they can see its radiant light flickering through the crack,
but not enough to actual feel its essence in their lives.
 
This is the SOUL.
The soul is that of fire and freedom.
It longs to have ignition.
The oxygen of the soul is the revival of turn on and when we allow ourselves a moment to breathe into our truth,
when we ask why we are settling for so much less sthan what we know is possible,
we wake up the coals of this desire.
Each inquiry of our hearts,
each questioning of our happiness,
each moment we look a little deeper is a stoking of the fire that is hungry to be seen again.
To breathe into life.
 
The only question remains,
“Will you open to your hungers or will you hide once more form them?”
 
The hiding comes through the fear of loss,
the fear of being left alone in your fire,
and being forced to sacrifice all that you have come to love and have.
 
The truth is,
all that you love and have come to have is not stagnet energy.
It moves with time and space and in our effort to try and keep it just as it is,
we squash its life and potential as well as our own.
If what we love and have is meant to be and in alignment to our SOUL,
our heart and truth,
then it will transform with us,
embracing our desires and needs and all that we are revealing,
and if it is not of soul alignment then it must move into a new dimension of relationship with us and that may feel like its ending.
 
Is there ANYTHING in this life that is truly worthy of you stepping away from your power and truth?
 
And if you say yes to this question,
then if it is truly worthy of your sacrifice of YOU,
then would it demand this of you?
And if so , is that love?
 
When we love,
truly love,
we want for the best of another.
When we love,
truly love ourselves,
we understand that we must stand in our power and want for the best for ourselves.
We must not hide our flames of desire,
we must not squelch our turn on.
Because it is this turned on desire for life,
for joy,
for love,
for sex,
for play, connection, revealing, and truth.
That is the ignition of our empowerment.
 
A candle cannot burn when in a closed container.
Yet you may believe that yours can.
Are you living life with this idea?
Are you living in fear of you rturn on and squelching your pleasure, your truth, your power?
 
Or ar eyou asking another to live in this state with the concept that if they loved you,
if they understood your fears and pain that they would just live in a constainer?
The container that you deem safe.
 
This is a year of change.
It is a year of EMPOWERMENT my love,
and you may claim that you want fo rit,
that you want for love and freedom,
but I question if you can truly handle it.
I ask you today to sit with your fear.
To ask yourself if your fear is worth you not living truely YOU.
 
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Are you ready for a Year Of YOU?
Availble to a limited VIP group of powerful manifestors and individuals who want to rock out and Kick A*s in 2020 I am doing a private 1:1 opportunity to change your inner world to one of high vibration, focused intention, release of fear and self- sabotaging patterns, and development of abundance skills for life, love and money.
Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
Start of 2020 and activiating your Yes year to You by saying YES to this potent opportunity today.