THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS! 🤯🤯🤯
Hating on self?
Or maybe you say that you don’t hate yourself.
You don’t dislike yourself even,
you are just frustrated.
Down on self because you are not feeling great in your skin.
And I get it.
I truly do.
We all go through these times.
And hey here is a little secret for you….🤫
I am currently in one of those moments in life where I am a bit down on myself. I am not in this moment in love with my body.
I am not in love with how I am feeling in my own skin,
and I am having issues looking myself in the mirror.
and even feeling sexy.
I sorta feel a bit grossed out by myself.
The way I got here is not really important.
And that is a tough concept to get through our human minds,
because we want to have our reasons, we want to analyze and figure out the reason behind the problem.
But that will never get the solving that we desire of the problem.
Because we are stating that we have a problem to begin with instead of just letting go of all this self-judgement and turning back to our truth.
Now it is important to be aware of habit changes,
of sabotaging thing that we have introduced into our lives,
into our thoughts and emotions,
that may be contributing to the support of this self-disgust.
The reality is that you can say that you love yourself all damn day long but if you are not loving your body enough to get it moving and consuming healthy foods, staying hydrated and getting enough sleep,
plus if you are choosing to stay in toxic relationship that are not feeding your heart and soul,
and you are not leaning into YOU…
then you simply are lieing your f-cking ass off to yourself about loving yourself.
You have to fall in love with yourself.
You have to own up to your power and stop making yourself so damn small.
Stop fearing the impressive, expansive person that YOU ARE.
And that my love is why you are so full of this yuckiness to yourself.
👉The reason that you don’t like yourself is because you’re not up to speed with yourself. 🛸🤯💃
You got that love?
YOU WERE BORN TO BE MARVELOUS.
You were created powerful, worthy and came into this world knowing such,
but it got stolen from you by the “good” lessons that your parents and the adults in your life taught you,
what society and school/church showed you,
and you started to believe that you were not powerful, worthy and abundant.
You started to believe that your light was dim.
and this means that you let go of being marvelous.
And that my dear was YOU.
So now the absence of you, really sucks!
It really does not have you feeling your best.
You are struggling to look into the mirror or make eye contact.
You are feeling frumpy and negative,
hating on your fleshy suit and hating on who you have allowed yourself to become.
When the answer to your problem…
if you want to call it that…
cause us humans love to solve problems, right?
Is that the reason that you are not liking yourself,
let alone in love with yourself ( an me too here),
is because you’re not ALLOWING yourself to be yourself.
You have cast your truth out.
And you sit back in your disgust over who you are right now,
and you maintain powerful focus on what needs to change, needs fixed, where you f-cked it all up at.
The worst thing that you can do though is just this.
Holding yourself in focus and finding a critical thought about you.
Because that action,
that manifestation that you are creating,
TAKES YOU AWAY FROM WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
And you are powerful AF!
You are deserving.
You are beautiful and strong.
You are courageous and loving.
You are intuitive and caring.
You are worthy and abundant.
That is who you are.
That is what you are to be living, RIGHT NOW!
And it is up to only you love to take yourself from this absence of self and get the f-ck lined back up.
Synchronize to your TRUTH.
Here is where you will fall in love with you and become mesmerized by staring into your own eyes,
lost in the sea of you.
You will be captivated at your heart and your beauty and you will not just think that you are worthy,
you will KNOW without a doubt that you are,
because your soul knows.
Your souls never has questioned your worthiness or your power.
That is why you are feeling so bad love,
because you are questioning what your soul deeply is certain of.
And when you come back to YOU and who YOU REALLY ARE,
well that is when whatever the problems you are having with your body and life right now, will just wash away with ease.
Time to start loving on the most important person in your world wouldn’t you say?
And STOP trying to be all this or that for everyone else that is not you.
With all my love, beautiful.
Remember Who You Are.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know more about living an abundant life?
Want to know the secrets to overcoming these little obstacles that can turn into mountains if left in the corners of our minds and rustling around in our energy? Reach out to me about my Asskickery Month of Private 1:1 Global Coaching now, where I will share with you how to overcome and have success in one subject area of your life in the next 4 to 6 weeks.
you say that word so often I do not think it is achieving the results that you think it is achieving.
On any day of the week,
I get the comment of “Beautiful” at least ten times from random people ( mostly men) who want to share it with me.
And the reality is this,
The statement of “Beautiful.”
Is a surface AF statement.
It will get you nowhere in a hurry with a woman who values herself,
who understands that her true beauty is not something you appreciate just from her skin that is barred or the clothes that she has on,
it has nothing to do with the smile on her face,
or if she is nice to you.
Beauty is something so much deeper.
It comes from a place of knowing oneself.
Of loving oneself,
even the shadow lands of our character.
Beauty comes from feeling good in our own skin,
and when someone over uses such a compliment,
it actually starts to rub raw,
and cause you to not take in the compliment.
Every human being NEEDS to have words of affirmation.
Every human being needs to learn how to breathe into compliments and own their worth,
but surface AF statement that are easy to say and show that you know NOTHING about the person,
are not anything to sport about saying.
Especially with a woman.
SO this musing is going out to all you gents who tell me and other amazing AF powerful women that you find us BEAUTIFUL.
That you would love to show us what you can do with your whatever you desire to touch and taste us with,
That you love how our hair looks,
our clothes fit us,
or the angle we opted to take a picture from.
Yeah those comments that you believe will land you in our panties and hearts,
HA! We think not.
For a true compliment is spoken from a place of presence,
it is stated about a person’s depth and light.
A compliment that makes you stand out in the crowd of all those fools who think that some cartoon dog blowing random AF kisses, or I love you’s is going to get somewhere other than an eye roll and quickening in our scroll,
if you truly desire to make an impression…
and pay some attention.
You need to actually listen,
watch and read,
you need to make statements that show that you were into what that person was sharing,
you need to let yourself absorb who you are watching,
and not from a place where she gets me off to watch.
This also applies to anyone who is taking a woman to bed,
if you are so lucky to have her open herself to you,
then remember this….
You can leave a good impression,
a bad impression ,
or a F-cking Spectacular impression.
The choice is yours.
And it all comes down to how you slow the f-ck down and get present with her.
If you think you know a woman,
and how to f-ck her wide open,
awesome…. but I question your cockiness.
Because I know women,
and we bore easily and rarely want to hurt your delicate ego’s, so we let you believe that you know,
and then roll our eyes and share our frustrations with our friends about how clueless you are,
and how surface AF our sex is with you.
A woman who loves herself and knows her value,
will not keep around a man or partner for any amount of real time who cannot prove that they can go deep with her.
If our partner is not willing to slow the f-ck down and value us the way that we know we should be,
then “bye, bye… don’t let the door hit you on your way out of my life.”
A woman who keeps a surface level lover around,
is a woman who does not know herself yet and has not learned her value.
The facts are simple and they start with how we relate outside the bedroom.
Ladies if you feel all fluttery and excited about that want to be average joe who said beautiful on one of your pictures,
then I question how much love you have for self.
Because that man… that man is a little boy who has not learned how to be with a woman yet and cannot handle his own depth or the light that you have to offer.
if you are one of these dudes that offer up easy to spell one word comments, but then turn around and ask a woman a question that you already have access to the answer of…
(by taking the time in our social media world… and I mean like maybe 2 minutes of time….you can discover how old someone is, where they are from or live, if they are single or coupled, open or not, kids, what they do and even their likes)
THEN JUST F-CKING STOP ALREADY.
Your words are wasted on those of us who value ourselves.
We do not need your statements of beautiful or what you desire to do to us or with us,
we laugh at you,
we shake our heads at your silliness and we keep scrolling.
You don’t have a chance,
so go find someone who may better suit you.
There is someone for everyone,
or so they say.
I am not the one who will fall prey to your mediocre compliments with no depth or care.
Just like all the other queens out there who get what I am sharing here in this musing today.
Level up your relating guys!
Level up who you are.
You want to attract a MF Queen….
Then you cannot just pretend to play King….
You gotta be one.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how to attract your Queen?
Want to know what it means to be a King in life and relationships.
It’s a vibrational thing baby.
It’s about embracing your worthiness and loving yourself.
male or female,
This is where our power comes from.
Let me share with you the journey to THRIVING.
Message me for deet’s.
There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….
I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.
I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.
I logically understand.
But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.
Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.
You see in my house we have this thing,
and you simply never know where these conversations will go,
nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.
It is drastically different each day.
after some decent sexing,
I found my lover and I in bed,
I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,
I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says,
” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”
My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.
And that sure AF is not okay and is NOT love.
After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,
“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”
To this he smiled at me and said,
“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”
And this is where it all went dark folks.
In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.
Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,
but not I…..
took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.
To feel this wound that just got scratched.
I looked at the wound,
identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.
However, the truth was it triggered me.
And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.
So I spoke up.
“That was a triggering statement you just made.”
And then I shared why.
I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,
I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,
who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.
However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.
Even though I was highly turned on,
my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.
And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,
unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,
leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.
He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.
His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,
and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.
He then looked at me and said,
“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”
Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,
but what he actually was doing was blaming me,
making me responsible for his inability to last,
to be in control of his body,
his thoughts and feelings,
his sexual energy.
And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.
My feeling after hearing this was,
” I need to not be me.”
I felt like if I did not moan that way,
if I was not playful like I am,
If my body did not look like this,
If I was not open the way I am,
Then he would be able to stay with me longer,
last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.
It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.
Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….
This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.
He is not responsible.
He is innocent and cannot help himself.
It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,
So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?
Well I need to shut my shit down.
I need to not be as turned on.
I need to guard my moans.
I need to go limp.
I need to not engage in sex.
I need to not dress this way or that.
I need to not be as playful.
I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.
But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.
And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.
Not fully that is.
They do however blame her to a degree,
just like she takes responsibility.
It’s because of how we were raised.
Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.
How they speak to us.
That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.
If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.
And guys are told that,
“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”
This all steals one’s individual power from them.
Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman.
Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues.
I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well,
And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.
“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”
It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current,
But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well.
Because it’s there too.
In owning that we get triggered,
In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life,
We reclaim our power.
In pausing on our words and asking ourselves,
“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”
In looking at what our words are actually speaking,
Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening.
And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships,
In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands.
Today look at your relationships.
Look at your sexing.
Look at your expectations and desires.
And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?
Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP.
I have this belief that ALL…
Yes ALL people who are in an intimate relationship with another need to go through the inquiry and inner work as well and relating work that those who have successful open relationships do.
I believe that no matter how you label your relationship,
that you should explore authentic relating for what it really means.
Most monogamous couples “think” they know each other.
“Think” they love each other unconditionally.
“Think” they are best friends and trust each other.
“Think” they are doing it right and will have success.
Most people who decide to open up their relationships choose to do so at a low period in their primary relationship and “think” that opening up will fix something.
“Think” that you can just overnight shift gears and that this thing called inner work and couples work to set agreements, learn each other and communicate are not needed.
That you can go zero to 100 overnight so to speak.
Both cases are detrimental to the relationship.
And it’s because the number one issue in relationships is communication.
And I am sure you may be among the many who believes that you communicate well with your partner.
You may think that you got this fully taken care of ,
but I ask you, is this true?
98% of couples that I have worked with over the last 15+ years come in telling me that they are good if not great communicators,
that their partner is their bestie and they can tell them anything.
But not three sessions into coaching and the truth is discovered.
They suck at communication.
Because they keep it at a surface level.
There is no depth in relating.
And if they touch on depth,
it causes confrontation,
triggers old wounds and fears,
and both parties end up dancing in their ego’s and speaking from their pain bodies instead of their heart centers.
So they avoid it.
They shut their truth down,
they tell their partners a softer version or nothing at all,
and they hide the best they can from themselves for as long as they can as to not rock the perfect picture of a loving connected relationship that they are wanting to paint.
When the hard fact is that they have challenges.
It takes courage to speak up in a relationship.
It takes courage to be real in a relationship.
It takes courage to listen without trying to change, control or freak out about what might be being shared in a relationship.
It takes courage to remain stable inside yourself when living authentically with another.
And it takes courage to be raw and real with yourself so you can do all the above.
But f-ck is it worth it,
just like you are worth it and so is your relationship.
You see, if you are among the many who are not operating at this level of authentic relationship but desire open communication, unconditional love, acceptance, honesty and truth in the relationship and from your partner,
then how is it ever going to be possible if you live hiding from yourself and basing your feelings and actions in fear of losing your partner?
If you are making your partner responsible for your happiness and worthiness then how can they ever just be themselves and state their truth to you?
If you are holding expectations as to what they need to do, how they need to act then how can they share their truth with you about anything that may pose a difficult conversation? And how is this unconditional love?
If you define yourself based on your relationship,
which simply means you are not strong in WHO YOU ARE,
then how can you be truthful with another?
To be authentic, truthful and honest with another you first must KNOW YOURSELF and be strong at your core so you are not rocked by another.
Remember that humans are fickle.
We ebb and flow,
we all are live waves in our feelings, emotions, thoughts and that we get caught in our wounds as well as our desires.
In authentic relating we understand that
there is your business,
there is my business,
and there is God’s business,
and that we each are ONLY RESPONSIBLE for one of those.
Anything else is sticking our noses where they are not needed.
The most unconditional loving person is the person who knows themselves, loves themselves first, and can embrace their shadow self as well as their glorious light.
They know their worth and it is not dependent on any outside source.
This is a person who can love deeply and unconditionally.
This is a person who can truly be honest and real.
This is a person who is self-empowered and therefore has the ability to allow for their partner to grow, to speak, to change.
As it is so intended.
relationships need to evolve over time.
This means that both parties need to do the same.
Expecting ourselves, our partners or the relationship to remain the same,
causes stagnation to our individual growth and the evolution of our love and relationships.
This is the coward’s path.
And it typically results in two things:
It takes courage to relate authentically.
It takes courage to relate in unconditional love.
It takes courage to catch our control issues in a relationship.
It takes courage to see our fear based actions, feelings and thoughts for what they are… fear of our own inadequacies, fear of our worthiness and lack of value, the lack of personal acceptance cast onto our partner, and fear of abandonment.
But when we stand in courage and face our truth,
love ourselves through our fears,
we open the gates to deep, penetrative love and acceptance with our partner.
THIS is what we all crave and desire.
You are worthy of this beauty.
You are worthy of this sort of love.
Offer it to yourself and your partner today,
by starting with seeing YOURSELF authentically and leaning into those difficult conversations.
Reach out to me if you want information on how to go about just this and more.
Learn authentic relating no matter your relationship title to create an evolved loving relationship that fits your soul’s path now.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
THEY ARE CALLED YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A REASON.
Truth Bomb Here.
Are you like most of the world that believe that others are responsible for your emotional state,
for the feelings that YOU are having about any subject in your life?
Or are you self-aware enough and proactive enough to understand that they are YOUR emotions, meaning that YOU and only you are responsible for them.
No one else can make you feel any way.
You get to choose how you feel about something.
You get to choose how you react to something.
This is by far one of the most challenging things to grasp in life,
We are taught that we need to act, speak and even think through everything in ways to not harm or cause anyone else to feel bad.
We are told that we are not good enough,
that we are too much,
that we are RESPONSIBLE for how others feel about themselves,
about situations and how they perceive us.
to a degree we are responsible.
Our actions and words most certainly can trigger other’s into a negative or positive spiral.
Our actions do contribute to how we are perceived.
But we are not solely responsible for another’s feels, views or perceptions.
We each have an ability to be proactive in our thinking,
which leads to us being proactive in our feeling,
and to pause before we assume anything.
Becoming self-aware means to become authentic with self.
It means that we are willing to get real and raw with ourselves, and to acknowledge that anothers words or actions have only triggered an old program or wound,
and once triggered that we are now feeling this old emotion as though it is current.
The insecurities that we hold about ourselves,
the hatred that we have for ourselves,
the self- judgement, and shame…
All of these play a role in our emotions that can get triggered by an event or person.
But these internal landscapes that we all have,
are not another’s responsibility to cautiously thread through.
It is each of our own responsibility to self and to our lives,
to do the deep personal work to heal and become aware of.
If we do not do our own inner work,
then we are destined to walk through life feeling disempowered,
feeling a victim,
not understood and always attacked.
We will continue to view life as though we have no control and point fingers in blame at those we love,
at life experiences,
our governments, churches, schools, work.
However, when we choose to get real with self,
to practice self- love, healthy boundaries, knowing our desire’s, speaking our truth and RELEASING OURSELVES from the responsibility of everyone else’s feelings,
as well as taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions,
we become EMPOWERED.
By doing this, we walk through life with less shame, guilt, blame, judgement on self or others and we approach life from a healthier state of relating.
We can now speak in confidence our needs,
state clearly our yes and no and also accept another’s
without falling into an old wound or fear and needing to control an outcome.
We release the world and especially our loved one’s from the driver’s seat of our lives.
They are called your emotions for a reason.
They are all your’s.
And when we had them over to someone else,
we hold an expectation that the other person will and “should” always put us before them.
And if they do not,
then we are hurt and feel as though they do not love us, that they are selfish and heartless,
that we are not safe with them.
When in fact,
what we are asking for by turning over our power to another,
by making them responsible for our emotions is what is self-centered.
And if the other does always hold us before them,
guarding us and never letting us feel any uncomfort,
then what they are doing is hiding themselves from us.
The relationship is NOT authentic.
We have successfully required this other person, to mute themselves, change who they are, pretend at all cost and hide from us and themselves,
so that we can feel secure.
How is this love?
How is this respect?
How is this authentic relating?
Life is a risk.
24/7 you risk if you are breathing.
It’s an illusion.
Love is risky.
And you can choose to lean into it and enjoy its bliss however long it lasts,
or you can shut it down and try and control it so that you can live in a mirage for however long it lasts.
One allows for growth and truth.
The other, causes bitterness and wounds that may never get repaired between people.
Which do you choose?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can move into a truly authentic, loving relationship and heal the wounds of your past so you can have a F-ck Yes life and relationship?
Message me today for deet’s on global and local coaching now.
“I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”
Maybe I have commitment issues some would say,
and I have been told this from past lovers.
They were convinced that because I refused to be labeled,
because I refused to DTR ( define the relationship) that I was not good with commitment.
They could not just accept my looks of love and desire for what they were.
They could not accept the sweet and tender vulnerable moments shared for what they were,
They could not just go with the passion shared and the hours and days or even weeks spent enthralled with each other.
No, they wanted the MF LABEL.
And for some reason, the label is what made everything real.
Not the actual effing relationship that was presenting itself each day, each moment.
No, they could not trust that.
They needed the words spoken,
just how they wanted to hear them too mind you,
for it to actually be real.
Nothing mattered but the label.
And because I am a person who understands what labels are actually about,
I have a really tough time getting down with defining any relationship for that matter.
And here is why.
You see labels and definitions of relationships have NOTHING to do with love or commitment for that matter.
They don’t have anything to do with trust either,
and they are not offering any more security for either party as well.
What they do is allow us to compartmentalize the relationship, cause separation because now we segregate this relationship from the rest of our lives.
Labels allow us to define what the relationship “should” look and feel like. How it “should” play out and what the expectations are within the pretty little box that we have put it into allows for.
Labels are often asked for because one party or both are wanting validation for their existence and level of importance in the relationship.
This validation gives a false sense of security.
Which makes the partners feel safe and believe that NOW since the relationship has been properly defined that neither party will step out of the box that it has been filed in.
And that is what DTR is all about folks.
Validation of self through another, false security and control.
Because with this DTR what we are wanting is the safety ultimately of knowing ( well believing) that our partner is now “OUR PROPERTY” as defined by the label provided.
And of course they are down with abiding by the rules of this definition.
Funny little note, most people just assume that other people’s definitions and rules of the label are exactly what their own are and never stop to discuss these important things with the person that they are trying to do a relationship with and get a label on.
In my opinion,
(and maybe…. just maybe… I have worked with just a few couples over the last few decades) that one of the major reasons so many couples are not satisfied or in full alignment with their partner is because they miss this vitally important conversation on the front side.
The conversation around, “Why do you do relationships? And what are your needs/desires/expectations within a relationship?”
Can you imagine if we started having these inquiries between ourselves and our lovers?
And what if….
what if our lovers answered authentically.
OMFG! That would be amazing.
But often because so many have limited worth and self- esteem issues,
they find themselves needing to feel safe through the validation of their partner instead and therefore answer accordingly to get the result that they want from their partner instead of being truthful and having a truly intimate conversation around their differences.
All relationships at some point come to a place where the definition sorta just manifests organically.
But it is an energy that a couple will grow into as time and depth in the relationship is established,
not some words stated because partners feel pressure from what they have been told is important to ask for come date three or month six, or whatever the f-ck timeline you are working on.
If you are among the many people out there that feels that need the label to lean and trust more,
or to not have your jealousy anymore,
or to be able to be more vulnerable or intimate with your partner,
and believes that the label is a sign of love,
then you truly need to explore what your definition of love really is about.
And ask yourself if this label is truly what you are wanting or if you are actually requesting to set up agreements with your partner as to what your relationship rules are and are not.
Then ask yourself how this desire to label and set up these tidy little box homes for your relationship to get cramped in is actually serving the relationship or your supposed love for this other person?
What if you became extremely present with your partner and chose to focus on all their good traits each time you were together?
What if instead of fearing them doing something that might destroy the relationship, you chose to commit to look for how well they are showing up in it right now and how much beauty you are enjoying with them right now?
What if you opted to actually practice authentic unconditional love with them and just wanted to enjoy them in all their radiance because your desire for them was to be that person who can hold loving space without a need to contain their soul and own them?
What if you chose to just allow them to be them and you to be you?
What if you choose consciously to come into the relationship each new day as though it was a new relationship that you were excited and appreciative of?
What if you started to define your relationship by saying,
” I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”
Can you imagine how much more depth, love, compassion, witnessing, love, trust, and joy would come through your partner and the relationship?
Or continue on your path,
you know the one.
The one that has you believing that controlling your partner and defining your relationship and owning them as property in any f-cking fashion is LOVE.
And enjoy all the trauma that creates and the broken expectations and pain.
Because that is the result when we attempt to control the human spirit and not allow others to live authentically.
Not to mention,
When we do this it is only supporting our fear and at our core we feel the out of alignment that is caused with God and our soul.
Level Up Your Love Now.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to level up your relationship or learn more on authentic relating skills that can rekindle, ignite and bring average relationships into Enlightened?
Reach out to me about my Passion Coaching for Couples Program today.
Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….
I have a story to share with you.
It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.
When Kendal was a small girl,
she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.
We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,
and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,
she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,
but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.
This young man knew how to treat Kendal.
He looked at her with eye full of love,
he touched her skin with the same adoration.
And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.
It was an exciting day.
I can still feel those first touches.
I had never been seen by a boy before like this,
I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,
and here he was.
Loving on me.
I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,
but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.
And let me tell you,
He moved slowly.
It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,
and when he did,
He remained in us for hours.
Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.
It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.
I never wanted to part ways with this young man,
and Kendal was so happy,
so full of sexual light.
They shared dreams and ideas of the future,
talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.
I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.
But one day,
the boy changed his mind.
He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.
Kendal cried for months,
she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.
She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.
So she distanced herself from me,
she did not touch me.
She did not want to have anyone else touch me.
She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.
A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.
She met a man a decade older than her,
she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.
She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.
And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,
she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,
but I was not.
I felt saddened at her actions.
Before I knew it, the man had proposed to her and she said yes,
I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,
and I was not on board with the idea,
yet she said yes.
And years went by.
We had children,
and I kept being offered up for tribute,
to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.
She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.
She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,
that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.
And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.
But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,
I could not feel her heart anymore,
all I could feel was her anger and hatred.
Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.
I began to heat up and throb.
I was screaming, “Do you feel that?”
I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.
It was love.
And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.
I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.
And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,
go outside her marriage and tap back into me.
And she did.
And there were some fun adventures,
until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,
that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.
And so she locked us out again.
She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.
And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.
Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,
trying to get them to side with me,
trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,
was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.
And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.
We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….
One day while at an event with friends,
when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.
The intestines began to bleed everywhere!
She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,
it was perfect.
She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,
and she knew it was serious.
It was a sobering moment for Kendal.
We had her attention.
And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.
She spent the next few years focusing on her body,
on her health, on her thoughts,
and even though she still ignored me,
she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,
she came to the conclusion, (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.
And so she went back to her roots,
she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,
to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.
And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.
That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,
disconnected from who she really was and her desires,
disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).
And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.
But, she was done with the pain and suffering.
She was done with feeling lost and moody.
She was done with pleasureless sex,
limited connection and not being happy in her life.
She was sick and tired of not living.
And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”
And she did.
And it was amazing.
She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.
And she started to feel herself again.
She started to appreciate me again.
She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,
and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,
a man that looked at her the way that I like,
and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,
and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,
and from there she found more lovers for me,
and I felt loved and appreciated, full.
But all stories have some down points, right?
And so does mine.
One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,
and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,
and into us.
He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,
“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”
She wept and hid herself.
Blaming me again,
if I had not taken her down this path,
then perhaps this trauma would not have been,
she should have stayed safe,
but here she was.
And disconnected we were again.
It took her some time,
it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,
but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.
From there we have had many struggles in our communication,
we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.
She has learned the value of my voice,
and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.
She desires to remain in connection with me,
and together we work at our loving relationship daily.
Today, I am happy with my journey.
I am happy with my life.
I feel the disconnect that her and I have,
as does she,
but our desire is the same.
To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,
so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.
There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.
These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.
These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,
and feel that she loves me and herself fully.
These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,
and this is what makes me happy.
This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.
Ladies of the world…
are you listening to her?
She has a message for you,
she wants to connect and open your heart.
Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.
It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth? Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.