The Goldilocks Mindset of Dating

“I want a man who is faithful.
I want a man who is dependable.
A man who is kind.
Who loves my children.
And is strong in integrity.

I want a man who is confident.
I want a man who is passionate.
A man who makes me laugh.
And generous with his time,his resources, his love.

I want a man that listens, that I can tell anything too.
A man that is romantic.
Good in bed.
A man that will help around the house and can cook.
I want a man who has a purpose and is driven.
Is financially stable.

I want a man who is tall.
I want a man with a handsome face.
I want man who cares for his body.
Is muscular and makes me feel safe.
I want a man who has a good sense of style.

I want a man who loves the outdoors.
But also loves fine dining and has good etiquette.
I want a man who loves adventure.
Who wants and can travel the world with me.

I want a man that has freedom.
I want a man who will treat me like his queen.
I want a man who respects me.
I want a man who does not want to control me.
I want a man who is spiritually sound.

I want….
And I want it ALL from YOU!”

Read that list ladies and gents.
I could write it about what men want as well.

It’s hard to read that list and believe that one person could fulfill all of those desires.
It’s hard to believe because no one person can.
Sure we can fulfill some of those all of the time,
and other’s of those some of the time,
but can one person ever fulfill all of those all of the time?
And should it be put on someone to do such a thing?

A hefty list of expectations I do say.
And it’s my list.
And my list has about thirty more very specific things on it as well.
And what I am looking for at the end of my list is more important than any of the specific things on it.
And that is alignment.

I want a man who is aligned to his purpose.
I want a man that is SOUL ALIGNED.

What this desire will give is all of the above and then some, but in the perfect harmony that is right for him and for myself.
Perfect for the moment.
I also, do not expect for a man to have everything on my list.
There are things that I am willing to look at,
to not need because they are not high priorities.
And then there are the things that are CRUCIAL.

And how do I know that these things are crucial?

Because I am like Goldilocks in dating.

I have come to realize that dating is about figuring out what you like,
what you don’t like,
what is cool,
what is not cool,
what aligns to you or not.

Dating is about sampling everything you can at the buffet and figuring out what has that more flavor and what makes you want to puke.

The biggest challenge in dating is that it takes time and energy.
It requires patients.
It requires one getting to know yourself.
And getting right with who you are first, before trying to find someone else to fill in your gaps for you.

Dating offers you the ability to meet yourself in so many ways.

I f-cking LOVE dating!
And maybe that is why I am so good at it.
And why I have no issue finding incredible men of all types with a flip of my hair it seems.

It’s true though.
I am often shocked at how many people have difficulty with dating.
And often after speaking to them about it,
the basis of their issues is that they don’t really like people or they don’t really love themselves.
Often some combination of the two.

How are you to ever meet someone worth while,
someone that has anything you want from your list,
if you hate people.
All you will ever discover is characteristics that you hate.
Because that is what you are focused on.
Or if you don’t have self-esteem or love of self,
then how will you ever meet someone who is confident, passionate, loving, giving or takes care of themselves?

You have to be matching what you want to call in.

So back to the Goldilocks Mindset on Dating.

The concept here is simple.
Get to know what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And who the f-ck you are.
By dating many, many, people.

And DO NOT get committed quickly.
Dating is all about getting to know someone and letting yourself be revealed as you go.
These two things will never happen over night.
Matter a fact it has been proven that new relationship energy (NRE) takes about 18 months to 3 years to wear off. This is that energy that you feel when you are just getting to know someone one. Where the rose tinted glasses are still on. They can do hardly anything wrong and you make excuses for them left and right, make assumptions about things and don’t really see clearly the love that is before you. This is the time in a relationship that you are living a storybook.

And then one day you wake up and you meet this new person, you wonder where he/she has been hiding the last year or two, and who took away your beautiful mate that was oh so perfect. Now the real stuff comes out and you get to actually get into relationship with the person.

Well if you were dating like Goldilocks,
then you would not be putting all your hopes, needs and desires onto one person.
You would not be looking at the person you are just meeting with hungry eye’s of, “oh please be the one and make my misery of dating be over.”
You would not be so willing to sell yourself short of the quality of a mate that you so badly want.
You would not be so quick to change yourself to try and match someone who is not in alignment to your soul or heart,
and instead you would look at each person who you explored as a beautiful experience for the moment.
One that was there to reveal to you things about yourself.
About desires that you have.
About the life that you want to live.
The relationship that you want to have.
And you would be in gratitude for all the things brought to the table of you relating with them,
no matter how you perceived them in the moment.

If you were dating like Goldilocks,
you most certainly would not sell out to the first bowl of porridge that presented itself to you, or the first bed that looked good but maybe did not feel just right in some way.

No, you would love yourself enough to take your sweet time to get the relationship that was in SOUL ALIGNMENT.

You would try out many different scenarios.
You would explore lot’s of different flavors.
And you would allow yourself to gain clarity on what felt best to you.

You would be unconditional in your dating.
With limited expectations,
and only a desire to reveal and be revealed.
Authentically.

The Mindset of Goldilocks in dating is all about exploration.
It is a mindset of learning about self.
It is a mindset that does not entertain scarcity.
It is knowing that “The ONE” will come when you truly love self and know thy self. When you you are vibing at the level that you magnetize him/her to you.
In ease.
Anything before then will be about seeing where you are vibing at and learning more about what you like or dislike.

And you would do it all in YOUR OWN TIME.
Not some predetermined social idea of when it should happen or guidelines as to what some story line says it “should.”

So for all you single’s out there who are looking for that special someone and believe that you are running out of time,
ready to give up or cut yourself short on what you want in a relationship,
let me share this concept with you and let me assure you that you are worth a beautiful relationship.
One that has so much of what you want and then some.
You can have it all.
And you will.
As long as you learn how to approach love and relationship with unconditional relating and a focus of self-love and honor first.

Remember that you call into your life that, that you focus on most.

So where has your focus gotten you?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Watch Variety Creates Desire Now.

You would be perfect if you were different.

 
“I love your strength.
I love your independence.
I love your drive.
I love your passion.
Your creativity.
Your intelligence.
Your sexiness.
Your playfulness.
Your beauty.
Your light.
 
You make me want to be a better person.
You make me feel so good.
You make me so happy,
so free and turned on to life.
I feel like I can do anything.
 
You are perfect.
I love you so much.
 
But why my love do you not answer me in the way that I desire?
Why do you not feel the way I wish you did about our love,
about our relationship?
Why my love are you so aloof at times?
Too busy…
Too busy for me.
 
Why do you flirt and play with others,
so carefree and unfazed?
With that smile.
That laugh.
That light shining so bright.
And not with me in that moment.
It’s like you don’t need me.
Does our love mean nothing to you?
 
 
When you are with me, the world is perfect.
When you are away from me my world is dark.
There is a void that is too much to bare and I feel like I am suffocating from its immense emptiness.
I fear I am not good enough.
That you want for something more.
I fear loosing you,
and so I wish that you were different.
Not in any of the ways that you are perfect.
 
No.
 
I want you to remain all of that.
But I want you to need more of me.
I want you to be by my side more.
To share more in each day.
I want you to focus just on us.
I want you to desire only my attention.
 
I don’t want you to take time away from us to be around another.
I don’t want you to ignore me in any way.
I don’t want you to flirt and play with others.
I don’t want you to get caught up in what you are doing and forget about me, if even for a day.
 
I need you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I need you to be here more for me.
I need you to value my emotions more.
I need you to make me happy all the time.
I need you to be what you are not.
 
You would be perfect if you were different.
But alas my love you are not.
And this makes me mad.
It makes me sad.
It makes me wish I did not exist on some days.
My heart hurts so bad.
I wish it would stop.
I wish that you understood my pain.
I wish you could feel my love more.
I wish that it mattered more to you.
I wish that you were different.”
 
How does this tale resonate with you my dear?
Can you feel the pain of the lovers heart.
How we humans desire for all these beautiful characteristics in our mates and want for them to want so much of us as well. To be our everything and us theirs.
 
We lay our emotions,
our moods and mental health into the arms of another.
Thinking that this is what love is.
If only they loved us then they would care enough to change their ways and be more of what we need.
They would bend over backward to make sure that we were stable in our vibration.
They would make sure to not rock our hearts.
They would make sure that they did what we needed.
If only they loved us the way we love them.
 
Right?
 
WRONG!
 
The above is nothing of love.
It is of addiction and need.
It is co-dependency at its finest.
And the sheer fact that we desire for all these beautiful characteristics from our mate but need them to be the opposite for us to “feel love” which is not love but need is revealing just how conditional our relationship truly is.
 
The feeling of love never comes from another.
It comes from the great love that each of us hold within us.
When we are in relationship, the relationship highlights that which has always been present within us.
When we turn this power over to the other person,
we become a victim to the ebb and flow of the others life and emotions. We disown ourselves and create an unhealthy relationship that is not based on love, but based on fear of loss of the relationship.
 
When we look to our relationship for security in life,
for our source of joy, peace, happiness or love, we deny ourselves of our truth and we are not in soul alignment.
The fear of loss is signal to this fact.
When we are feeling worry about loosing,
fear about not being good enough,
or a neediness of another we are not standing in our own power. Thus being a victim to the moment. The relationship and our expectations of what we have come to call our relationship reality or norm.
 
And so we focus in on what the other is not giving us.
We become determined to fix it.
To fix them.
To make them understand.
Because if they love us then they will want to do this.
 
The issue is that a consciously aware, embodied person who is turned on to life and in love with themselves and thus stable in who they are cannot become a person living from this other state of being without destroying who they are and becoming something else.
 
They must remain true to who they are.
And this truth is what makes them:
Strong
Independent.
Driven.
Passionate.
Creative.
Intelligent.
Sexy.
Playful.
Beautiful.
Lit Up.
 
It’s what makes them SOULFUL.
And makes you feel like you can conquer the world when they are in yours.
 
In order to keep a soulful person in your life,
the only answer is to BECOME ONE YOURSELF.
 
Which means to get selfish.
And fall in love with your beautiful self.
See your power and STOP giving it away.
Stop being needy, and dependent on anyone to “make you happy.”
Stop masking your sh*t and do your internal work.
Your soul work.
Get right with who you are.
Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MY LOVE.
 
Claim Your Life Today!
 
“Stop Existing & Start Living”
 
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Sex, Love and Fear.

Snuggles.
Intimacy.
Kisses.
Time shared.
SEX!

Mmmmmmmm….. sounds good, huh?
Sounds like something you want.
That you desire more of in your life.
Me too!

I sit here this morning contemplating so many things,
and I often find myself excavating past lessons so that I do not repeat them in current time and space.
As I analyze things, especially how I choose to do relationship I see how difficult I might be to have a serious one with.
And I do not believe that it is the fact that I enjoy multiple people in my life that is the difficult thing.
What is difficult for most is my integrity about it.
I share openly about my feelings.
About my past.
About my desires.
I share how I feel.

The issue is that we are taught that we should not want anything more than the relationship we have.
That the relationship we have is to complete us,
to make us happy, and to provide all our needs.
If it does not then under no conditions should you turn to someone else to get this met.
ESPECIALLY someone you may be attracted too or them to you.

I hear the statement,
” Be cautious of the situation you put yourself in.”

I hear the concern in this statement.
I hear the plea of if you hang around people you like, are attracted too then you may stray,
and straying equates to you leaving.
Because you have to make a choice.
Because there is ONLY so much love to go around.
Because you cannot have multiple relationships successfully.
Because it makes ME uncomfortable.

Okay, here is where I get a little uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in my truth.

My truth is that I can NEVER go back to a way of living where I shut myself down from the world,
from other people,
and/or from men.
I f-cking love my male friends and lovers.
Whether current lovers of not, I may be enjoying time with them.
And when it is imposed on me that I need to not do this,
I feel shackles being put on me and on my emotions,
my heart,
my desires,
my energy.
And YES you better believe I will be making a choice.

I am poly my nature.
In all things I do.

I do love many.
I do enjoy many.
And may be likely to have intimacies in multiple ways with a few.

The one’s who capture my heart,
capture my essence for a season of our lives dancing together,
are the one’s who are confident enough in themselves and who get the difference between love and need.
Who can embrace my feminine wave of love.
These are the ones or THE ONE that will hold me a lifetime.

Now I am not speaking on sex here.
When I say intimacy,
I mean depth in revealing.
Sex can be this intimacy,
however sexing will only be as deep and intimate as we allow ourselves to be revealed in it.
Sex can just be that, sex.
It can be friction based and meaningless.

Sex does not mean love.
Sex does not mean commitment.
Sex does not mean intimacy.

Sex is a communication tool,
a physical communication tool .
And if you show up at only a surface level in your daily interactions with a lover,
then your sexing will only mimic the same.
Surface sex.
If you have depth, intimacy, surrender, authenticity in your daily interactions then your sex can go to this level as well,
or it can still be held in a place of disconnect if we are letting everything be heard in other ways but are scared to speak our truth in the bedroom.

Sex DOES NOT mean intimacy.
or love.

It can however deepen our intimacy and love.
It all depends on our level of surrender with our partner.

In the land of poly,
many believe that poly means to have multiple sexual partners. But this is not true,
poly is about something much more frightening than sex.
It is about LOVE.

Loving multiples.
And in love we can go deep with someone,
and we might open the gateway to sex.
Good sex.
Might I even say gourmet sex?
Because of the love,
because of the more authentic relating.

But poly DOES NOT equate to sex,
lot’s of sex,
or sex with many.

You can be monogamous in your sexing, 
and polyamorous in your relating and intimacy sharing.

And you can have success in this.
Just like you can have success in an open relationship with open sexing, or a swinging relationship.
Just like you can have success in a monogamous relationship.

A successful relationship is not about the sexual labels you put on it.

It is based on the confidence that each party has in themselves first, the self-love they have, and their ability to show up authentically in the realtionship. Which means authentic communication.

Year spent together does not equate a successful relationship.

Happiness does.
Unconditional love, and forward moving growth,
individually and together gives you opportunity to have this.

The most happy people on the planet are the one’s who have multiple close relationships. The healthiest people are the same.
Healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.
All requires intimacy shared.

Closing yourself off to the world is a death sentence in an essence.

Closing yourself off to the world and ONLY allowing intimacy to be shared with but ONE is putting all your eggs in one basket and putting an unrealistic expectation on the ONE. As well, as expecting that you as an individual can survive with only this one food source.

Because relationships are food.
They are emotional, mental, spiritual food.
They effect our body, mind and soul.
They impact us at a deep level.
And not having them does not mean that we are not effected.
Avoidance of relationship DOES equate avoidance of your heart and soul.
It is hiding from all the intimacy and truth that you are meant to share.

We hide out of fear of getting hurt.
We choose to not get involved,
to not catch feelings,
out of fear of getting burned.

If we do step into a relationship,
we then revamp our whole world and expect our partner to do the same, by not having relationship outside of the primary relationship. Often this simply means to pull away from anyone that there may potentially be “feelings” for.
And we do this out of fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of having too much love.
We close off because our ego’s affirm to us that it is not safe to love.

NEWSFLASH!
Love will not hurt you.
Love is not limited.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

So why do we fear it so?
Why do we handcuff it so?
Why do we cover it with our self-centered need?

Because we do not understand.
And we equate many a thing to be love.
We fear what we do not know.
We fear what we cannot control.
We fear that we will loose if we love,
therefore we choose to turn our backs on love,
as we embrace its doppelganger of lust and need.

Authentic loving,
is authentic relating.
Authentic intimacies,
come in many ways and are what brings joy and surrender to all relationship.

Sex is never a reason to fear loss.
Love will never create loss.

The only reasons we change seasons with a relationship is because we have either out grown the relationship or have not grown to the next level within it,
or it was based on need ( not love) and those needs are no longer being met.

Level up your love life,
by tapping into your authentic self.
Embody yourself and open to love.
This is the answer to your happily ever after.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.

The Small Things Are The BIG Things In Your Success.

Success happens with in the small things.

The small things is what makes all the difference,
because the small things are actually BIG mother f-cking things.

Have you noticed this?
I sure have luv.
I am sure that you have noticed how you can focus in on all these BIG ass boulders and you can spend your life trying to push those damn boulders up the mountain you are climbing,
with little to no movement,
and THEN,
then you do thi sone little thing,
that seem’s like nothing really.
It’s a no-duh sorta thing even,
it’s a thing that you wonder,
“Why did I never think of that?”
and you do it,
and it MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

Yes success happens with in the small things.

Failure happens in the small things too.
You may understand this one a bit better.
Think about the relationships that you have had that have failed.
Was it big things or a pile up of small things that destroyed the intimacy,
the connection,
the trust,
even the love?

It was the small things , right?
Small things.
They seem so small
and so unimportant often.
They appear as though they should be easy to move through,
to avoid,
to conquer even.
And we most certainly should get over them quickly.
Small things are small hurdles after all.

And they are!
They are IF,
IF….

we let them be just that,
and we are proactive about discovering them,
and doing whatever it is that we need,
to clear the small hurdle.

Often this means,
small actions.

And in the land of success,
and moving those boulders with ease,
you have to be willing to look into things that are in your shadow,
into things that you may already be doing, ‘but are not doing where,
with whom,
or exactly how you need to be doing them.

These sort of things, are the things that can take you from zero to 60 in under a minute flat.

These sort of things,
can make or break you.

The issue always come’s back to realization of them,
and how we choose to perceive them.
It comes back to ego.
It comes back to heart.
It comes back to alignment.
Which means…..

What feels good,
and yet pushes your comfort zone.

The answer though is always in it feeling good.
Anything that does not feel good will create a low vibe in you and create chaos and destruction.
So NEVER….
NEVER EVER do that which you “think” you should do for anyone else, if it makes you feel bad in shape.
Especially if it scares you ass it may be dangerous,
it may cause some emotional or psychological issue within you, such as shame. Or it leaves you with a feeling of bitterness or fear of loss if you don’t do it.

This is not following your joy.
This is not alignment.
This is not jumping over a small hurdle to some success of moving that boulder up the mountain.

NO.
It most certainly is not.
Instead this sort of pushing through will add other boulders to your process and prevent you from success.

So put simple,
Just don’t do it.

It is okay to be selfish and say no to something or someone,
as saying now is saying f-ck yes,
to ourselves.

And being a f-ck yes to yourself will keep you high vibing!

Guess what luv,
saying yes to yourself at all cost,
is one of the most important small things you can do too.
It is the one small things that is the BIGGEST thing you can ever do to get that boulder up the mountain with ease.

But it will take courage.
It will take compassion for self first.
It will take passion,
and it will take a hell of a lot of self- love.

But YOU ARE WORTH it.

You are!

So focus in on the small things that will make all the difference today.
Focus in on the self-love that you have been denying yourself.
Focus in on the things that make you feel high vibe, make you laugh, make you smile.
Focus in on the small things as they are not small at all,
they are the BIG things.

And your success is going to totally rock out of the ethers because of these things.

Just say yes.
Say YES…
TO YOU.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

—————————————————————————–
If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.
HERE 

Warrior of the Goddesses Heart

I know what I want.
I know my desire.
I feel my heart yearning.
Calling for me to breathe,
breathe life back into it.
To not fear love.
Or to be loved.
To not belittle love,
offered at my doorway.

I hear my lovers words,
the sweetness they make,
the commitment they stand before,
the desire that erupts in them,
and the love.
The love that they are carried on.

I hear him share his heart,
I feel his soul hold space,
for me as I share in return.
I share my fear.
I share my struggle,
I share my desire.
And I want to run.

Can he be the one that can hold me?
Is he willing to really love me?
Or will he crumble
from my weight,
the weight of who I am
and all I want to become.

His words are nothing new to my ears.
Unfortunate tales that many a sailor in my feminine currents have sung before him.

They all long to be the one.
They long to capture my heart.

They enjoy my body,
they are intrigued by my mind,
they get lifted by my spirit,
but they know that the true battle,
the crusade is for my heart.

And it is a heart that has been scorned,
a heart that has been tossed away as it opened deeper.

My lover looks at me with loving eyes,
he aims to penetrate my soul,
he desires for me to feel his commitment,
his certainty,
he is confident that he can hold me
and dance in my fire.

His voice echos words of my past loves.
He shares he does not want me to change.
He does not want to control me.
That he,
yes he can love me and I am not to much.

I feel his heart,
I hear his belief,
but these words are easy to say,
while you sit by the fire and get caught up in its mystery.
What will he do when my fire escapes its container?
What will he do when it desires to over take his heart?
When it burns,
burns in its glory,
in its beauty.

Sure he will enjoy its dance,
but will he be able to handle it being ignited?

Through time and space we dance,
we open and close.
I look away but for a second,
as I sense him leaning in.
My soul wants to be taken.
My heart wants to be penetrated.
But alas,
the fear conquers them.
It masks the emotions that beg to be seen,
and it makes me retreat.

Retreat once again,
I will.
Back into my lonely cave.
Where I feel safe.
Safe in my not having.
Safe in my not being seen,
if even for a bit longer.
Yet he still see’s me.
And I know this.
He leans in further,
his lips softly open,
he asks for a kiss.

My heart shakes,
it rumbles in fear and excitement.
For all it ever wants,
wants to be chased,
wants to be desired,
wants to be opened,
wants to not be given up on.

In its wanting,
he steps a bit further into the fire,
and proclaims his presence.
Asking for my depth.
Asking for my emotion.
Asking for my fire.

And so it is,
that I breathe in.
Just one breath,
just one perhaps.

And answer him in the only way I can,
in this moment.
This perfect moment of our lives.

“As you wish.”
Comes from my lips as we meet once again.

————————–————————–

To all those who have loved and lost,
loved deeper than they can ever share,
who have tasted true love and will never settle for anything less than.

To all those who have stood in the goddesses fire,
who have been burned, who have been mesmerized by its flames and desired to conquer it.

To all those who want to feel its ignition,
who believe that they can hold it.
And dance with it.

Much love to you this day.
Open yourselves to love,
as it is what makes you feel alive.
It births your soul into all it desires,
all it needs and can be.

And let yourself be seen.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

 

An Ode to the Gentleman.

You say you can hear my smile in my voice.

You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…

It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.

You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.

You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.

You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.

You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
and
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.

Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.

So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.

In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.

And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
and smile.
I feel like your queen.

Cherished.
Adored.
and
Desired.

You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.

To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
and surrender,
once more.

To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
Thank you.

You are loved and needed.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Explore my Passion Coaching for Couple’s of Private Solo-Coaching. Two Private Coaching Spot’s open NOW. 

Hope & Commitment: PRICELESS

Average cost of a divorce: $15,000 to $30,000

Average child support payment for one child: $430

Average alimony support percentage of highest earning spouse: 30% of income for up to 50% of time of marriage

Saving your relationship and working through your shit: PRICELESS

Remember the old commercial?
Well I sure do.

And this topic is near and dear to me in recent times.
But more importantly,
It is a possible reality to many of my couples clients.
Or potential couples clients.

The sad truth is that quiet often people go looking for help.
They sit in my office,
Wrenching their hands together,
Butterflies in their stomach,
Wanting to be heard.
To be understood.
And to be given hope.

They look at their spouse,
And they hope that they too have a sincere desire to heal the wounds of years gone by.
They hope that their partner is feeling at ease and will be open to the possibilities of getting help.

Often, tears are shed in my office by one or both parties as they recognize the pain,
They see the situation of their marriage clearer,
And they feel the tingle of hope spreading its wings inside them.

There they sit.
HOPEFUL.

They share intimacies within this safe container,
Baring their truths of bitterness, of loss of desire, of financial pains, of feeling left behind and under appreciated.

They share their sins.
From adultery to drug usage to porn and anger.

They share their longing.
Their longing to reconnect.
To heal.
To love and be loved.

And so they walk away from me,
Feeling lighter.
Feeling connection and understanding.
Feeling non-judgment.
Feeling as if they can recover.
They feel HOPE.

And then….
It is inevitable my follow up email with all my recommendations and observations comes into their inbox.
It asks them for their,
COMMITMENT.

Many stand up to the plate.
But many steer away in fear.

They lean on objections.
From price to time.
They say they need to wait.
They say they think they can do it on their own.
They say this
And they say that.

But none of it matters.
They CHOOSE to not commit
And thus they choose to remain in their suffering and in the harsh reality that separation most likely will knock soon at their door.

But they feel like they cannot change the outcome.
Because it just is.
So they settle into victim mode.
And they loose HOPE.

How much does it cost to sacrifice your HOPE?
How much is it worth to step into COMMITMENT ?

It is priceless.
Thats what it is.
On both sides it is PRICELESS.

The only question
I ask these souls who choose to say goodbye is,
Are you happy?

At the end of any decision.
You must ask yourself.
Are you happy?

Here you will learn your truth.
Here you will learn about your fear.
Your regrets.
Your desires.
And if you made the right choice.

No one can answer this for any of us.
It is between us and soul.

And it is PRICELESS.

As always,
Stop Existing and Start Living

Now accepting 1+1 Couples Coaching Clients.
No matter where you are in this big world you can get the private coaching to recover the intimacy and connection you desire in your marriage.
Explore Passion Coaching for Couples today.

It is NOT compromise. It is rape!

Are you effing kidding me?
Really?
How can you do that to your body?
To your psyche?
To your everything?

I don’t effing get it.
Yet…

I DO.

I get it because I use to do it too.
I did it so much that I grew comfortable with it.
It just became part of my norm.
And I did not see the bitterness and resentment that it engraved into my life,
into my relationship,
until it was too late.

I thought it was just how it was.
And that it was “okay.”

After all life is about compromise, right?
We cannot always have things our way,
and sometimes,
actually often,
we have to find a space that neither side gets what it wants and both give in to something that is doable to make the results the best they can be.

So, this is what I thought I was doing.
And I was.
And you are too!

But you want in on a little secret?
Not a secret, actually,
just a reality that you may not want t o hear because you may feel disgusting after you fully digest it.

In these times like I share here,
which happens to be all too many times in our lives.
In all areas of our life as I have discovered.

You are raping yourself.

Yes.
I just said that.

And I will say it again.
So happy f-cking Monday morn my peep’s!!!!

You are raping yourself.
You most likely are doing it right now.
Or you soon will be.
Or you will in a few hours or by the end of today.

Your raping yourself.
You are are bending over,
spreading yourself open,
saying “sure, that’s okay….yeah…yeah…let’s do this or that.”

You are believing that you have to do that in order to exist
You have to do it in order to keep peace,
in order to enjoy some rewards that you don’t believe you will have unless you give of yourself in this fashion.

You believe that if you were to say no.
To say I am not in the mood.
I am not turned on to this or that.
It does not feel good to me.
That actually hurts me.
I don’t like that at all.
I never get anything from this.

or…

some other statement of your lack of interest in it,
that you would loose something.

You are afraid that you would have life shut you down in some way.

You are afraid that if you stated your truth,
that you would not be received well,
and then that would hurt you more than just saying yes,
when you are a no.

So you say, ” Okay.. let’s do it!
And you figure, ” It’s just compromise. It’s just the way life is. You cannot have everything you want all the time. So what’s the harm is giving of yourself this time or the next when even though you really hate it, or are shut down to it?”

Whats the BIG effing deal?

Rape seems like a harsh term to use Kendal.
I am not raping myself!
I am just compromising.
I am just letting someone else use my body, my time, my energy, my money, my life for their pleasure. For their abundance building. for their goals and aspirations.

That is the way life works.
Have you not heard?

Sure I don’t feel great afterward.
My body feels yuck.
I feel a low grade depression.
I feel weaker,
less excited about things.
I have a tough time looking in the mirror.
Or making eye contact.
I crave all the wrong foods or I feel like not eating at all.
I am testy.
Moody.
Angry.
Anxiety ridden.
Fatigued.
Can’t sleep well.
Weaken immune system.

Yeah so what.
That is just part of life.
It’s not rape.

Well, I am sorry to shed the light on this for you,
but as a woman who has experienced rape in the sexual nature a couple of times in my life,

and as a woman who has had all too much duty sex AKA self rape ( in my opinion),

and as a woman who has allowed herself to be raped emotionally, psychologically, financially, time wise and many other ways through out life here and there.

I will tell you with utter certainty.

YOU ARE RAPING YOURSELF!!!!!

And to make matters worse.
You think its normal.
Its okay.
That you have too.

OMFG!!!!!
Have a little love for yourself already.
You got no love?
How about empathy?
Compassion?

Where the f-ck is your give a shit for you?
Yet you claim you want a life worth living.
You claim you want to make changes.
You claim you want joy,
happiness, love.
ABUNDANCE.

But you think by spreading your legs and allowing someone else to have their way, to pump pump eww goo in you and get theirs that you are going to somehow succeed at having the life that you want? ( scratching my head here.)

Are you effing kidding me?
You are crazy!

That is all I have to say.
Although,
I get it.

I REALLY do.
Because I have been you.
In all areas of my life.

But you know what the reality is?
At some point,
You have to close up your rape shop.
You have to start to honor yourself enough,
to say NO.

You have to get into integrity with the most important person in your life.

YOU.
And you have to not just give it lip service, no you have to actually commit to it.

You want freedom based living?
You want a F-ck Yes Life?
You want to be in love with yourself and your life?
You want to be proud of yourself?
You want to actually succeed at having what you claim you want?

Well here is the gig.
You must stop raping yourself.

In all areas of your life.
It is time.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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I will be sharing mind shift strategies that I have adapted through the years to manifest the Freedom Based Life that I now live today.

Limited Workshop Spot’s due to the 1+1 Private Focus Sessions that come with this workshop.
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Embrace Your Power – Claim Your Life
“5 Step’s to a Freedom Based Life”

Why Are You Settling For Less?

Sitting here in my favorite salon in Dallas.
The only place I go to get my hair done, matter fact.
I love Marcos and Jo so much if I ever move someplace outside of the big D, I will be flying back every couple months to get my hair done.

Seriously love Delilahs.
But this is not a testimony share for my amazing beautician.
It is however a writing of awareness.
Awareness to the reality that in life there are those things that we simply cannot settle for anything less with.
Its about the connection.
Its about the service.
Its about the care.
Its about the quality.

And once we find our home in something,
We don’t want to change it up for any reason.
Much like myself when it comes to my hair.

I feel this way about many things.
Like my office building.
My health care providers.

Why would I settle for anything less than the greatness that these souls offer in their work and service?

Why would I ever desire to go with something less than GREATNESS?

Sure I could get the services for less.
Probably a lot less.
If we get real.

But at what cost would those dollars saved actually cost me?

This is the truth that we tend to over look.

I am reminded about the true cost of our decisions and choices often.
From my hair appointment in this moment,
To my children’s schooling and long term educational rewards or disabilities that can come from my parental choices,
To my choice to remain
Or separate in a relationship.

If we are willing to do whatever it takes to get the best hair care, dental work, or schooling for our children.
If we are willing to attain the best real estate agent, attorney or even find ourselves going to the same pub over and over again because the bar tender is phenomenal and great to talk too,
Then why the f-ck do we settle in love.
Settle in our work.
Settle with our health.
Settle with our financial situations.

Why do we in these important areas of life allow for less than ideal?

I believe that because these areas are so important to our overall well being and life happiness,
That we find ourselves not feeling worthy of the greatness that we desire.
So we remain quiet.
We accept whatever we get.
We maintain and allow the cards to fall wherever they will.
We make statements like:
” Our relationship is great everywhere else, its just this one area. We can make due.”

” I have responsibilities. I can’t just do what I want. Who would pay my bills?”

” I don’t have the time. The money. The resources to go do….. or have ….”

” He/she loves me though. Loves the kids. Are a good person. ”

These statements of justification as to why…
Why we are choosing to settle.

Why we are allowing less than greatness into our lives.
All the while,
not embracing our truth.

The truth that we are terrified of something more.
Terrified of who we might be if we allowed better into our lives.
If we not just allowed
But commanded it into our lives.

After all if we started asking for this level of F-ck Yes! In all areas of our lives
Including the important ones,
We would have to acknowledge our weaknesses,
Our shadows,
And all the places we clutter up with fear and ego.
We would,
If we started to demand greatness in,
Have to transform ourselves into the person
Who can handle it.
Who can open up to it
And say,
F-ck YES!! I deserve this blessing.
I deserve this fairy tale life.

I am more than average and ordinary.
I am a child of God,
And God wants for his greatness to manifest
In all things.

It is my choice to open up to this greatness
Or to close myself to it.

It is up to me
To CLAIM My Life.
And STOP SETTLING,
For anything less than what God would want for me.

When we settle,
When we walk in fear,
When we doubt our worth,
We deny the greatness of God.
We deny Gods ability to move mountains,
And instead we proclaim him weak.

Your worthiness is never in question.
It is only your acceptance of your worthiness that needs worked on.

Stop settling for anything less than,
Stop living a life of existence.

This is your time,
Your moment to say,
F-ck YES!!!
I am a child of God.
And I am worthy of blessing.
Of his favor.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Me this week for the launch of my F-ck Yes Life Coaching Programs for Entrepreneurs.

Join me this week for the launch of a 5 week intensive online workshop with VIP one on one access to me.
Message me for details.

The Gift of Relationship in Life Success

Relationships break us open.
Relationships unfold us to a life that is deeper than we could ever know possible on our own.
Relationships can be freeing,
Or they can be crippling.

Relationships are our defining energy of how we penetrate our lives.
They define how we surrender to the greatness of our lives.
They define how we allow ourselves to receive and create blessings and/or suffering.

Everything we do in life,
We do through relationship.

This last year I have been in this awakening of just this that I share with you today.
I have been coming into the beautiful realization of my truth and how it has manifested and shown me all the guidance I could ever want for through my relationships with lovers, friends and family.

My realization (and perhaps you may feel some alignment too) is that I have been resisting my truth.
I have been hiding from my own uniqueness and power thus of it.

In January I lost what one might say was the love of a lifetime. My heart died that day and I have been looking for a path of resurrection for it so that I can open again to the blessings that a fierce penetrative love can bless one with.

In May I lost my second primary relationship in a shocking 2 hour event that I am sure I will never understand. This relationship taught me so much about my desires, about emotion and stability. It taught me about detachment and harshness and it showed me my weaknesses in my boundaries and lienliance around many things and I was shown just how blind one can be in a relationship as well as how we NEVER know anyone truly.

These two relationships alone have revealed to me a beauty and a reality of who I am and how I have been choosing to show up in life as well as how I am willing to receive from life or not.

I have come to a realization of my set points.
Of my programs around abundance, value, love, money and joy.
I have come into a point of awareness that each of these relationships were holding me back from my full potential.

The healing must still manifest in its own way.
But the truth is that I have been blessed without measure. I have been provided with the opportunity to create the legacy that I desire for my life.

If I tried to hold tight to the energies (the relationships) that were lower vibe than what I wanted for my life, then I would only set myself on a path of further suffering.

As a former love above says, ” A reason, a season or a lifetime.”

So true is this statement.
As every relationship offers one of these.
And we never know what it is until we reach its end.
And even then,
As past has taught me,
Some relationships serve all of the above.

And everyone of them reveals more of who we are.
Everything is a relationship.

If you are struggling then all I have to say is that there is hope. You can have it all. You really can.

I swear to you,
That if this effed up single mom of of seven from the wrong side of the tracks can find hope,
Can discover her truth,
And can manifest a life that is beyond what I believed.

Then you too can have your dreams manifest into reality.

Look at your relationships,
See their beauty no matter the pain they bestow,
And embrace who you are.
Embrace your truth.
Embrace your desire.
Embrace your power.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living.