AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART… JUST LIKE THAT.
He grabbed me,
kissed me and pushed me back onto the bed.
I was rambling on and on about my frustration,
my anger. Lost in thought and the mind.
I was distant from him.
Distant from me.
And lost beyond measure.
I could not feel my heart,
in truth I did not even want to right then.
I had been triggered and I was pissed.
Not at him.
At life in general.
My flow had been disrupted,
I had allowed it to happen and I was out of control of my life in that instant. The chaos of kids, work, house and family stirred around me and I just wanted solitude and peace but had no way of obtaining it because inside I was a storm that I had not even slowed to recognize.
And that was what he did.
He slowed me.
He grabbed a hold of me and led me back to my heart.
That space that I was forced into feeling my truth.
That space where I knew I was not alone in this world,
that space where he was not going to let me run from him, from us, from me.
And he passionately took hold of me there.
He moved with clarity, direction and determination.
I tried to fight his lead.
My mouth was rambling, but he kissed me and would not take my ego based words.
I pushed up against him and ran from feeling him physically, mentally, emotionally.
But he tore off my clothes and laid me naked, vulnerable before him. Devouring my flesh like a hungry wild animal and forcing me to come back to him.
Pressing himself into me,
not letting me go.
I fought with myself to feel.
I fought with the urge to physically stop his love at that moment.
Where days before I found myself lost in a trance of our eyes gazing during our sexing, here I lay closing my eyes and wanting to hide.
Hiding from the reveal of my soul.
Hiding from my pain in feeling lost and angry.
Hiding by throwing up my armour and not allowing myself to feel.
Not allowing his intensity to penetrate my core.
My armour was weakening.
And tears fell.
My chest became tense as I attempted to hold back my breaking,
the cracking of my armour, the cracking of my heart and the desire to fully open to his touch, his kiss, his presence, his love.
His breath softly moving across my breast,
my heart beat instensing,
I could feel him.
As I came back to him,
back to us,
he let out the affirming words of, “Yes. yes.yes.”
I knew that he too felt me dropping.
Felt me feeling him.
And as I laid down my armour my pleasure arose.
with mine his came too.
And I was drawn in.
I was seen.
I was held.
I was fulfilled.
And my trust grew.
This is the taking of the feminine that the masculine must learn.
It is in deep love and devotion.
It is in divine leadership and surrender all the saame,
and it is based in soul consciousness.
Often mistaken for control or for a desire to have one’s way,
the difference is in the emotional investment in the moment, in the relationship and the centeredness in self.
The masculine is meant to lead the femeine home to her heart.
And it is the masculine that must remain strong in these moments, strong in love. Not cowering to the feminines fires but standing firm in who they are and in their purpose beyond their mate, beyond their fear or ego or desire to control her fires, but in turn they must handle her with care and passion, clarity and direction. She must feel his leadership as well as his surrender to his own heart to be able to trust him to lead her back to her own.
This is the dance.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
💃💃💃ANNOUNCING BECOMING UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT FREE CONSULTS!
👉For a LIMITED Time.
These consults are open for the next 30 days only. (Feb. 20th to March 201th, 2021)
*All consults are FREE for this program.
*All consults are done on phone or FB livestream messenger.
*Consults are open to individuals and couples.
*Program is focused on 8 Pillars of Love, Money and Life Happiness.
*Find out the deets for this signature elite program that is opening up for registration to an elite 15 clients on April 1st, 2021.
* You must do the prerequisite of the consult to join this game changing, life altering mentoring opportunity.
Message me in comments or PM me with I am interested in UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT!
Today to set up your FREE Call now.
A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…
I am sitting here this cold dreary day in North Texas in total utmost gratitude for all those men that have graced my life with their energy, time, connection, sex and more.
Those men that I have laid in bed with enjoying what seemed like endless pillow talk, laughter and life shares.
Those men that made my heart sink from the loss of their presence in mine.
And for those men that infuriated me, made me feel crazy, were narcissistic, power hungry control freaks but also made me laugh and believe in the moment.
The men who caused me bodily harm.
The men who tried to destroy my dreams, my relationships and my self-esteem.
Yes to all these masculine, I give thanks and honor.
For without them I would not know what I want today in a man, in a life partner.
I would not be aware of my worthiness.
I would not be woken to my greatness as a woman.
And without these men,
I would continue on a path of dancing with “betweeners.”
First let me explain what I mean by “betweener.”
BETWEENER: A relationship that you know is not long lasting or “the one” but you choose to play with for a certain period of time while you figure your shiz out.
Betweener relationships help us heal.
They help us clarify what we want and need in a relationship.
They are educators.
And we ALWAYS, yes always know that they are between “real” relationships because there is something, just something that just does not fit.
Often this comes up in the feelings of:
*not being able to fully commit
*a nagging sense that they are not 100% with you
*insecurity in the relationship
*lack of turn on or passion
*our bodies will act shut down sexually
*we won’t feel safe stating our truth or just doing us
*there is a feeling of this is short term, a second guessing
These are betweener relationships.
Anytime, we know that we are not ready or able to jump into the deep end with someone, then we should get real with ourselves that we are not really aligned to this other person either for a lifemate sorta situation.
Often betweener relationships are lower vibration relationships.
Meaning that we call them into our relationship experience when we are wounded, heart broken or feeling lost in our lives, in who we are as individuals.
They are relationships asking us to accept less than what our heart and soul is desiring for and that most certainly reveals itself in the heart centered connection that we DO NOT have with a betweener.
But thank goodness for these relationships.
No matter how long they last for,
some we end up marrying,
some we date off and on for years,
and some are just flashes in the pan.
However, all of them bring forth great beauty and lessons to us if we so choose to receive them as such.
Knowing that we are co-creators to our reality and life experiences,
taking the responsibility for just that can allow us as individuals to see why each of these people walked into our lives when they did.
Perhaps they were there to help us get firm in a boundary.
Maybe they were there showing us such great beauty and love so that when our soulmate manifested that we could recognize them with greater ease.
Some betweeners, ask us to speak up louder, shine brighter or see our ego’s in more light.
Others ask us to learn how to guard our hearts and honor our truth with self-compassion and respect.
No matter the lesson.
They are powerful educators.
And today I just want to applaud all the “betweeners’ ‘ of my life,
because thanks to you bloaks I know who I am and what I want in a man.
Thanks to you I have done the clarifying of my heart’s desire and learned to slow down and listen with my heart and my intuition.
Which is exactly how we avoid betweeners and recognize “the one” that is right for us.
That soulmate love.
Loving you from this overcast day in Texas.
Remember that you are worthy of a great love.
A true connection of heart, mind, body and soul.
And to have that,
you MUST LISTEN to your Soul GPS.
Your heart and stop disregarding its directional offerings because you fear a life of being alone.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
And Queens who want a Conscious Man 🙂
Conscious Coffee with Kendal – Passion, Commitment and Betweener’s
<3 Another Valentine’s day Is Upon Us… <3
And some ladies in the house are ALONE.
Well no Queen is ever alone in spirit, because we effing love ourselves,
But we may not have the man of our dreams in bed next to us.
That man who is consciously aware,
makes us laugh,
and when he looks at us has us melt.
Yeah that guy.
Well to all you single queens in the house,
make 2021 the last year that you wake up without your soulmate next to you.
Check out this live training this month where I teach you 10 hacks to calling in the conscious man of your dreams.
Click THIS link below to read all about it and reserve your seat for 7+ hours of training plus 2-weeks of private access to me where we will get you on point and the vibe of your love.
Here are what other Queens are saying about this class:
“Working through this course changed my world. Every training got me more into alignment with who I am and what I really want in a relationship with a man.”
“Kendal is absolutely magical and her energy and passion is contagious. I loved how she brought humor and truth to all these important areas of being a woman and how vulnerable she was in her personal tales. It truly allowed me to feel her and to know that I could call in my true love.”
“I have been struggling with dating for years. After a nasty divorce I really had given up on love, but then I found this course and I kid you not, not four months after working through Kendal’s course I met a man that was everything I had ever wanted. I am happy to share that we are now engaged and planning our future together. In so much gratitude for all the education and resources that were offered here in this course. “
DON’T WAIT ANOTHER DAY!!!!
ACCESS THE BONUS 5+Hours of Training Now!
TALK IS CHEAP! AND IT’S PERVASIVE AROUND YOU.
“I am here for you.”
“Let me know what I can do.”
“I got your back.”
“Yeah, I totally agree.”
“I see what’s been happening, where you are at, what you are saying, etc.”
There are so many things that we tell others with little to no meaning behind them.
We speak these statements with good intent often,
but we don’t understand the value of actually following our words up with action. Sometimes the action is just more words of support, or helping one find answers, or just simply holding space for someone who is going through a rocky time in life and needs to have that space. Other times, it means that we need to follow through with supportive action to those words.
Recently in my life I have had an onslauth of what you could say shiz going down in my personal life.
I find myself standing here not thirty days into a new year amazed at everything that has occured over the last ninety days.
Some mornings I wake and find humor in the events,
realizing that you can’t make this shiz up.
Hollywood would pay a mint for the tales I could tell.
And then other days I realize that it’s just life,
my soul wanting to expand who I am and strengthen my vessel so I can become everything I desire and live that unbound beautiful life I know is mine.
And then there are the days that I wake in total frustration.
And I wonder why me?
How much more does God think I can carry?
And WHY do the people in my life not see it? hear it? Why do they just keep wanting more from me in the face of everything else?
No matter how I wake,
what I have been blessed to witness is a reality check in my relationships. Revelations on no matter who we are, we are all human at the end of the day and our humanness when overtaken by our ego is extremely superficial and self-centered, even when we attempt to support and give love.
We blind ourselves and ignore others’ needs and desires, even though we can see what is happening in their lives and how at the end of a string they may be. How close to crashing they truly are.
And we do this NOT because we don’t care or cannot understand,
but because we want what we want for ourselves.
So we act as though we did not see.
We claim they did not communicate clearly.
We say they never told us.
We spout back, “Well I tried but you would not connect, answer, etc.”
YOU WERE NOT CLEAR ON WHAT YOU NEEDED FROM ME.
We push back the blame to the other.
Not wanting to see ourselves and how in these times we disregarded what was right before us with our loved one for the sake of our own self-centered needs and wants.
If we were to get real with our words,
and to honor them and have the self-respect and respect of the other parties as well, we would stand behind our word.
UNDERSTANDING THAT OUR WORD IS EVERYTHING.
This is not just some old school statement that our word makes up our character.
It’s not just a line from Scarface or the Godfather,
John Wayne and Clint Eastwood are not the ones proclaiming the strength of a human is in his words.
But I tell you that our word is all of this.
Our word is OUR CHARACTER CHECK POINT.
Our word is our STRENGTH.
or our weakness.
And when we say that, “I got your back.”
It should not be a light matter.
These words should come with an understanding that in them we are denying the self for another.
That we are willing to sacrifice our short term desires, needs or wants to fully support someone else and to stay aware of what is happening with them and in their lives.
Unfortunately, the majority of the time this is not what will occur.
The reverse is actually true.
We will state that we are supportive,
and then we will take the opportunity to bulldoze over our loved one to get our needs met instead, all the while pretending to be blind to it all. Pretending that if they had just spoken up, made it more clear, done their part that the boundaries would not have ever been crossed.
OUR WORDS ARE OUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Meaning that with them we take responsibility for who we are and our actions and reactions.
Responsibility to being consciously aware of situations, people and what is truly needed despite our self-centered desires to get our own needs and wants met.
THIS IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT.
Anything else is empty.
Making our words,
and us as a human weak and untrustworthy.
What do your words say about your character in a relationship?
Want to have deep, committed, trusting and loving relationships in all areas of your life?
Then it’s time to stand behind your words,
and realize they are your strength or your weakness.
Your words are your bond.
Without them you have nothing.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn the secrets of a dynamic powerhouse relationship?
Overcome the drama circles and superficial ego based relating game that you are so used to? Reach out to me today for 1:1 opportunities in mentorship now. Limited space.
WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU.
I make love to me as well.
You open me to depths of my soul that no other has even come close.
I witness my joy,
all in your arms,
and I feel carried in your presence.
As you look at me,
with eyes on fire with passion and admiration,
I feel the sweetness of your heart,
as well as its hunger.
When my breasts touch your chest,
and you pull me closer,
I feel decades passing through us.
There is no time nor space,
it is but only the here and now.
As you enter my body with yours,
I breathe deep with anticipation,
I feel athirst for your nectors that feed my soul.
My chest expands as I surrender,
at your hand,
I am breathless with your touch.
My eagerness to be taken by you is never ending.
My body aches and yearns for your devouring.
And as you breathe,
my flesh tingles,
my mouth waters,
and I am wet.
I am now the ravenous one.
And you are my home.
To all my followers who crave a relationship, a love that penetrates them to their core.
Yearning for the entwinement with “the one” that twin soul, that soulmate, that knows you beyond words or life memories of this time.
These are the images, the feelings and vibrations that we were born to expereince and we are in search for in our love, in our sex, in our relating. We do not hunger for surface level, superficial relationships, no matter how often we choose to settle for them.
What we desire is the fulfillment of what we know is our home.
And you my dear follower/reader can have just this.
But how you may wonder?
If you currently are not looking into the eyes of home, ‘then how can you call that sort of love in?
It’s all about authenticity and integrity with self.
It’s all about loving self beyond your darkness and mistakes.
It’s all about KNOWING that YOU ARE WORTHY,
worthy of this connection.
And in these things your vibrations will meet.
And you too my dear will experience home.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
2020 was a nasty year for relationships.
Couples and singles alike.
Hard to meet new people.
Difficult to do anything with your current partner.
The stress and worry exhausted many relationships,
and I am here to share with you that 2021 does not have to be the same.
Reach out to me today for my exclusive offers for 2021 for couples to bring back the passion, singles to find true love and more.
LIMITED Opportunities to work with me 1:1
MY DADDY EARL JUST LOVES IT WHEN I PRAY, YA’LL.
I get down on my knees before him and he praises God at the sight of it. Every time he pops his lips I know exactly what he wants from me. I lick my lips and start to hum him the song of an angel.
I love how he gets so passionate at my hummin’.
Sometimes he will even grab a hold of my pigtails and shake full of the holy ghost moving through him. He tells me that when the holy ghost moves through him that it is his favorite thing and only my hummin’ can make it happen.
I love making him shake in spirit like that.
Makes me feel so good inside.
I went there.
If you missed my livestream on this then maybe you need to go explore it.
Or maybe not…
Not if you are a prude that is.
Please don’t, I do not want to hear it from you in that case or have you rolling your eyes at my crazy.
You know it was not that long ago that I would have freaked the
f-ck out about playing games like this with my lover.
I would have been too caught up in my own bullsh*t to have fun.
I would have believed that my partner would not like me if I pretended to play like this.
I mean sex is serious.
Relationships are serious.
LOL… not good sex and relationship.
Sure there is some seriousness in there, of course,
but if you are not laughing, finding yourself feeling youthful, full of desire and thirst for fun then I can tell you that your relationship and sex are getting ready to flatline if they have not already.
I have worked with so many hundreds of couples through the last decade as a relationship coach and the one thing that I am always sharing with them is how important PLAY is in the relationship.
Playfulness inside and outside of the bedroom or wherever you are doing the nasty at…
More than just dinner and a movie.
Get creative, learn something new together.
Get a little edgy, make your heart flutter like it was your first kiss all over again.
Do things that you typically would not think to be a date even.
Some of my favorite dates and sexual experiences did not cost a fortune. They did not take place in traditional ways.
But instead they revealed to me my lovers desire, joy, inner child and explorer. They created a space for each of us to explore ourselves and each other in ways that we had not yet.
One time I was told to meet my lover at a gas station. I did so and he filled up my car, then told me to drive next door and give my keys to the man at the detail shop. I did so. He followed me and picked me up there. I got into his car, he blind folded me, kissed me passionately and asked if I was ready for a little fun adventure.
I said yes.
He said okay we got 90 minutes.
Next thing I knew he handed me a glass of my favorite chardonnay in a togo wine glass. I took a few sips and he took it from me replacing it with some glass yoni eggs and told me to insert them and do some squeezes.
I did so.
Then he handed me a little bullet vibrator and told me to insert that.
And so I did.
There I sat, eggs vibrating in my vagina, wine back in hand, blindfolded in his car as he drove around a parking lot a bit to make sure I had no clue what direction we were headed next.
From there he took me to lunch.
He parked the car,
came around my side and got me out, blindfold still on.
Walked me into a busy restaurant and told me to walk up to the nice man at the register and tell her I wanted the special.
ANd so I took a deep breath and did so.
As I did this I could hear all the people passing me by, talking about what was going on, wondering what we were doing, snickering. I could feel their eyes even though I could not see them. I had to face myself.
I had to face my own ego at this moment.
My lover took my hand and arm and walked me to a table where he sat me down, got me some more wine, helped me sip it and then he proceeded to feed me lunch while I sat there helpless and blindfolded.
Once done he walked me back to the car,
got me buckled in and took me off to….
Dessert of course. 🙂
He parked again,
walked me into a cold and strange smelling place.
Told me to ask the nice man at the register for the special, and so I did.
The man handed me a waffle cone with my favorite ice cream in it.
My lover took me back to the car, got me buckled and drove around in circles some more.
The sun would hit me in the eye’s every now and then and I found myself wanting for the next moment of surprise.
Sure enough he stopped the car.
Got me out but before doing so, took my shoes off.
As I got out I found myself standing on something wet and cool, he asked if I knew where I was, but I did not.
Then I got back in the car.
From there he drove a distance, the road changed from paved to dirt. And he parked.
He came around and got me out of the car, still barefoot.
He walked me through some grass, up and over a wood bridge of some sort and into a closed in space that felt like it was out in the middle of a field. Here is bound my wrists, kissed me some more and began to touch me passionately.
Before I knew it he was laying me down on a blow up mattress that was out here in this building we were in.
He removed my clothes, kissed my body with hunger.
My excitement grew.
I was trying to figure out where we were,
I could feel a breeze by my feet and my head at the same time, yet I was in some enclosed structure. As I scooted up the bed some and he proceeded to go down on me, my bound arms lifted above my head to only find themselves in some bushes and grass right there.
Where was I?
He devoured me.
He made passionate primal love to me.
It was heated and intense.
Once done, he grabbed me, stood me up, dressed me, walked me back to his car, unbound me wrists but kept the blindfold on.
Got me in the car, handed me my wine and then we drove off.
Before I knew it he was parking.
He leaned in, kissed me, told me he loved me and hoped that I enjoyed our adventure as he took off my blindfold.
There I was parked behind my now detailed and fully cleaned and gassed up car.
90 minutes after the time I had dropped it off.
He wished me a great afternoon and got me my car keys.
To this day I do not know all the details of this adventure.
But what I do know is how much I loved it.
How I will cherish that moment in time forever.
How I accessed a deeper level of myself, of my sex and of that relationship in that moment.
It was vulnerable.
It was intimate.
It was connective.
It required trust on both sides.
It was playful and it brought us both great joy.
And what did it take?
Well we will never know because he ain’t tellin’
but what it ultimately took was CREATIVITY and DESIRE TO PLAY.
And that is the point to this whole tale and to my livestream earlier.
In relationship we grow tired and bored of our sex and of each other because we forget how to court.
We forget how to play, to laugh and be joyous in our sex and relationship and therefore it all gets tiring and old.
Like a chewed up piece of gum that lost its flavor years ago.
But it does not have to be like that.
You can have a dynamic connective deep relationship if you will simply allow yourself to get real and raw,
to be seen and to enjoy.
Stop taking your sex so damn seriously.
Instead start enjoying your flesh, your partner’s flesh.
Your laugh and their laugh.
Get a little edgy with each other.
Discuss things you would like to explore and try.
Start to believe that you can be creative,
that you do have the time,
and that it does not have to take an arm and a leg to create spectacular events for the one you love.
It’s time to level up your love.
It’s time to stop accepting boring as your normal in your sex and relationship.
It’s time to get down and dirty and play in the sandbox together.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim that F-ck Yes! Relationship with your partner?
Ready to stop settling for boring as your norm?
I sure AF hope so! Cuz’ you are worthy of so much more and so is your relationship and sex.
Reach out to me today to learn the secrets of a playful turned on relationship.
WATCH THE LIVESTREAM HERE NOW!