WHY I DO SEX DAILY.

WHY I DO SEX DAILY….
 
I have sex almost daily.
It’s just my THING.
I do sex daily yes because I love sex,
but more so for what sex gives me.
And I am not referring to the mind blowing orgasms that only happen here and there.
 
Okay so it’s truth time folks,
yes ME,
the sex expert and coach that helps thousands of people have better and more sex DOES NOT have mind blowing, earth shaking orgasm daily.
Actually most days, its pretty meh…
The sex is just normal,
and even boring at times.
But I still do sex almost daily,
and some days if the opportunity presents itself two or three times.
 
Just a week ago I spent about 7 hours out of 24 having sex.
Now that was yummy.
But why was it yummy?
Why did I want to have 7 hours of sex?
or have it daily, especially if I am not having mind blowing sex or even an orgasm most of the time?
 
The simple truth is that SEX ignites my creative juices.
Sex allows me a medative state, no matter the outcome to work on embodying myself,
sex allows me practice time to get out of my head and FEEL myself at a deep level.
I get to practice letting go,
I get to practice vulnerability,
I get to practice surrender,
I get to see where I am challenged and through the rhythm of my sex,
the consistent allowance of letting myself feel and stepping away from the idea of cumming,
but just BEING instead,
I get to connect to my CORE and thus feel my partner at a deeper level.
 
I have discovered through the years,
that our SEX is linked to so many things.
Self-confidence,
self-love,
boundaries,
ability to receive and give,
thinking patterns,
fear,
DESIRE,
passion,
VITALITY,
a feeling of freedom,
a feeling of peace,
centeredness,
physical well-being,
mental well-being,
and expanded spiritual depth.
 
To just name a few.
Yet we are taught to shame our sex,
to hide from it,
to ignore it,
to STARVE IT.
We are taught that our sex is evil.
And that it should only be used to make babies, or relieve stress QUICKLY.
 
And this way of thinking about our sex,
has us shut down,
fearful,
and not having sex.
It has us feeling disconnected from life, ourselves and the people we love.
It has us feeling insecure and angry,
depressed and lost.
And it has us trying to achieve what we have a void in through any means possible.
It has us acting out and traumatizing ourselves and others.
 
Instead of loving ourselves,
being responsible,
compassionate,
mature people,
we are like caged, starving, beaten wild animals.
This is what our world has become when we DO SEX.
And it’s all because we have such a limited, repressed view and understanding of this beautiful gift from God.
 
Sex and finances are the top two reasons marriages break up.
Sex actually out weights money,
because when the sex is crap,
when the sex is disconnected and toxic,
when sex is just about the get off,
then you have a partner being used and abused.
You have trauma setting in and the relationship is TOXIC.
No amount of money can heal that.
That is all about embodiment.
That is all about connection.
 
And you can ONLY CONNECT to your partner if you know how to connect to yourself first.
 
THAT IS WHY I DO SEX DAILY.
 
The consistent practice of leaning more into ME.
 
How does your sex feel to you?
Connected and deep?
Expansive and full?
or shallow, empty and about the release?
 
Want to learn how you have beautiful sexing all the time and access these states of peace, joy and connection.
Enjoy intimacy no matter what is going on in your life?
Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 coaching available globally today.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

This is why she is not wanting your sex…

Sex, sex, sex…
 
If we just have more sex things will fix themselves.
 
Really we have a great relationship,
we communicate wonderful,
my partner is my best friend,
we talk about everything.
 
We are just having issues with our sex.
You see, she/he just does not desire it as much as I do.
I get the feeling that she/he does not find me attractive anymore.
She/he is a night owl and I am a morning person.
Life has been so busy we just don’t have the time.
She/he is never in the mood at the same time as I am.
She/he is so sensitive about things, I have to be cautious about how I present my desire for sex.
I really just believe that if we were having more sex, more frequently that our relationship would be amazing.
So how do I get my partner to wan it more?
 
What?
Wait?
No I can’t do that.
I don’t have the time.
You see we are VERY limited on time,
and the stress of raising a family,
the stress of going back to school,
of building the house,
of work,
etc…etc…etc…
We just don’t have the time to plan much out.
That’s why we take vacations.
 
When we are on vacation,
it’s like we can just put everything else on the back burner and we both want to have sex more often.
Which I don’t fully understand…
Why does she/he want it on vacation but rejects me all the time when at home?
I mean I still want it even when we are not on vacation.
 
I have tried planning out dates.
I have tried slowing down,
I mean we make out for like 10 minutes before we start to have sex.
 
I know my partner is stressed out and that, that impacts his/her drive,
but sex helps me cope with stress.
 
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD?
 
In the past in my relationships,
when things started getting hard in our sex life it was a sign that our relationship was ending,
I love my partner and I am not willing to give up yet on this relationship.
 
How can I make them want to have more sex and to actually initiate it?
 
These are some of the very common things that I hear coming from couples who are struggling more in their intimacy and relationships then they want to let on.
 
And in reality,
the majority of the time it is the masculine who is begging for more frequency in sex.
It is the masculine who wants the feminine to initiate,
who says that they are not feeling desired.
It is the masculine who believes that just having more sex will fix everything.
 
And I want to share a little feminine secret with you…
The feminine DOES NOT get turned on the way the masculine does. The feminine needs to have things accomplished before they can settle into a turned on state.
The feminine needs time.
Needs foreplay more than 10 minutes.
Needs quality.
Frequency can happen, but quality has to be there too.
The feminine does not look at an erection and think oh I have all this to do and all this worry and am feeling so freaking tired but damn I am ready to go.
Women do not go zero to 60 in less than 30 seconds.
It’s sorta like boiling water…
You put a pot of cold water on the stove and you turn the burner on and then you do what?
You wait…
you wait for the water to warm,
then you wait some more for bubbles to form,
then you wait some more for it to fully boil.
This takes TIME.
The more fatigued,
the more stressed,
the more things on a women’s plate,
the less the desire,
the longer it takes for a woman to get turned on.
And the sad truth is,
that many women will let their man have sex before they are physically, emotionally and mentally ready for it.
This causes trauma to the body.
If a woman is not fully embodied,
meaning body present,
then she will hardly feel much of anything,
washing her hands may bring more pleasure.
But we women tend to want to try and please our partners more than care for our own bodies.
So we cave into duty sex, pity sex, quickies, and just taking care of our guy allowing our bodies to become masturbation tools instead of honoring ourselves and insisting on slowing down,
asking for our partners to be more present in sex,
spending time outside of sex with them,
listening,
holding space,
and simply just being human with your female partner.
Women are NOT masturbation tools!
Women’s bodies are not here just for men’s pleasure.
Women require more time and attention,
require their hearts and minds to be made love to,
before they can truly open up and desire sex.
If your woman is not turned on,
if she is not supporting your initiations of intimacy,
if she is moody,
non-interested or just “giving it up”
then you are not making love to her heart and mind and she is not not going to want your sex.
 
If your life is full of stress,
if she is working a job,
coming home to deal with the kids,
cleaning the house and running all the errands,
then passing out,
and has no interest,
but still takes care of you every now and then.
Realize this…
you are using your woman for a masturbation tool.
if your relationship seem’s a little off and you are believing that frequency is what is needed in your sex to fix everything,
but think that there is nothing else wrong in your relationship,
you better think again.
 
There is ton’s going on that is not right,
and your woman,
she will hold it all back for some time,
she will deny it even,
she will keep giving you what you need here and there
and saying it is fine.
And then one day she will be gone or she will shut sex all the way down.
Because one day she will tired of being used and not feeling any pleasure.
She will tired of not being treated with any amount of care,
and there not being time for her,
she be tired of giving.
 
I can tell you that after working with thousands of couple’s that the above is what happen’s.
I can share from a very real life experience level of doing just this in a 20+ year marriage that even a multi-orgasmic woman such as myself,
with ton’s of education and understanding can be guilty of just being a human female and falling prey to the norm.
And I can tell you that it is detrimental to your relationship.
 
Women stop caving into sex that you are not turned on too just to appease your man. He will survive without using you as a masturbation tool. And ladies ask for your needs,
inside and outside the bedroom.
 
Men, if your expecting her to have desire, initiate and be your porn star or want your sex when she is fatigued, stressed and oh so not into it and then wonder why she is moody as f-ck and shut down to your advances or irritated with them, but you are not understanding that a woman takes time and attention and needs what she needs or you might as well just go get a flesh-light, because that’s what you are asking her to serve you as,
then stop an realize that she does not owe you sex.
She is not here for your pleasure,
that sex between two people is to be mutually pleasurable or one side is getting used and not being treated in love.
If you say you love your woman,
then make time for the relationship with her.
And remember that the way to her sex,
her wanting your sex,
craving your sex even,
is to be present with her,
reduce her stress,
get her some relaxation and sleep,
give her some romance
and slow the eff down.
 
Want to learn more on this topic?
Want to learn ancient tantric secrets,
understand women more and gain knowledge of how to relate to a woman to get her desire to grow?
Explore Not Your Average Joe – Claiming Your Masculine Power Through Tantra an online global training for men who desire more than average in the bedroom.
Message me for deet’s.
 
And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

MONEY IS EVIL- PERSONAL SUFFERING IS FAITH BEARING, + OTHER BULLSHIZ IDEA’S ABOUT YOUR WORTHINESS

MONEY IS EVIL – PERSONAL SUFFERING IS FAITH BEARING, + OTHER BULLSHIZ IDEA’S ABOUT YOUR WORTHINESS
 
Why do you not get that you are WORTHY?
 
And why is it that you keep buying into the bullshiz that in order to be worthy you must suffer?
 
Or that because you are suffering that this proves that you are in faith?
 
It is silly gorgeous to think this way.
 
I am just going to break this down for you from a parental perspective,
and maybe you will not agree and I am totally cool with you not agreeing with my views and beliefs, hopefully in that case we can just be mature enough to agree to disagree.
 
With that said,
as a parent I am going make my plea on your worthiness.
 
Imagine your child is growing up and learning about what is good, bad, how to do things, what responsibility, truth is, what love is and is not.
 
Imagine your child makes mistakes. Gets into fights with peers, has opinions that you and others disagree with, experiments with things that you may not want them too, does not always tell you the truth, even bullies other kids or is harsh in judgments about other kids or people. Mocks people.
 
Does this make you love your child any less?
Does this make them NOT worthy of your love or support?
Does this make them less of human to you and worthy of you taking away your love, condemning and shaming them?
 
Imagine your child looses friendships, has heartbreak over their first love, suffers pain in relationships, fears not getting it right, fears not fitting in, fears telling you how they feel. Imagine they hate their bodies, feel misunderstood, outcast.
Imagine they don’t feel safe in some fashion at home or school, in their relationships. They believe that the world is out to get them and they must close themselves off from it to stay safe and make you happy.
 
Does this make your child more worthy of your love?
Does this show their faith in your love and support?
Does this prove their worth, their self-love, their personal power, confidence, self-esteem? Does it build those things?
 
Imagine you have a child that comes to you and says this is my dreams and desires. This is what I feel inside. This is what I want to do with my life and why. Imagine that they say I know that I have made mistakes, that i am not perfect but I know that I am lovable, that you ( mom/dad) have my back, I know that I have better in me and I want to show my heart to this world. I want to experience life and give back. I believe that people are good and we are all worthy of love and greatness. Imagine that this child is working two part time jobs and helping out people in need, that they have big opinions and they speak about what they are good with and what they are not good with. Imagine that they count their blessings. Imagine that this child looks you in the eye and says, ” I know that you don’t want me to suffer. You want the best for me and if I don’t want the best for myself and show my love for myself by standing up and being my best that I not only hurt myself but I hurt your heart too mom/dad.”
Imagine that this child goes out and becomes a a millionaire when grown.
 
Does this make you love your child less?
Does this mean that your child is a greedy, selfish a*shole who does not care about anything but money and self?
Does this mean that your child has been brainwashed into the evil ways of this world and they are a disappointment to you?
Does this mean that you will retract your love from this child because they are not bowing their head and feeling bad or suffering enough?
Does this mean that their happiness and success is a sign that they have sold their soul to the devil and are dishonoring their faith, their family, themselves?
 
OF COURSE NOT!
 
That’s crap, right?
 
So why are you letting yourself think this about your life?
Why are you buying into the concept that your suffering and loss,
your lack of cash flow,
your depression, body image issues, your guilt, your fear, your lost-ness is some sign of your greatness in God’s eye’s.
 
Why are you believing that it is pleasing to God to watch you suffer and that those who are living abundant lives are displeasing to God?
 
I am sorry…
(not really)
 
You are dishonoring God and yourself beautiful,
by NOT stepping the f-ck up to who you are and your worthiness.
 
You are dishonoring God’s great work in you by settling for so little and such unhappiness.
 
You are dishonoring God and his belief in you by continuing to remain available for the crap that you set yourself up for in the name of faith in suffering.
 
You are not being your best and therefore not only causing suffering to your heart but as well to God.
 
I believe that we are microcosm’s of the divine.
The things that we feel when we are coming from a pure heart and soul with our children and the things that we want for our children are the same that God wants for us.
 
A healthy, emotionally mature adult parent who is confident and strong in who they are DOES NOT want to see their baby suffer.
Does not believe that their child suffering is better then their child thriving.
Does not think that if their kid gets a good paying job or is strong in who they are that they are less worthy of love or are doing evil things.
 
Yet, for some reason in today’s world many adults are putting this same judgement out there on their peers who want to THRIVE in all areas.
 
These adults pretend to be holier then thou and are quick to point to their sufferings of years to proclaim that this is evidence of their worthiness and faith, all the while pointing fingers of blame, shame and hatred with remarks of judgement out to anyone who shares a message of abundance, self-love, personal empowerment and joy.
 
Silliness.
 
And perhaps, you do not agree with me.
Perhaps you are one of those souls that I am speaking of here today.
Perhaps you believe that the path of suffering is what God wants for you/us.
Perhaps you believe that it is a sad thing to witness people making money from what they love to do and feel called to do.
Perhaps you think that people laughing, traveling, talking about love, connected sex, relationships, money is evil.
 
Maybe you believe that using the “F” word will send God into rage and cancel out all your blessings and shows one’s lack of faith and love in the creator.
 
Perhaps…
 
And perhaps, the opposite is true instead.
 
Perhaps you are among those of us who believe that we are worthy of greatness and abundance,
that God wants us to THRIVE here in this mortal existence and to speak to those ears that listen. No matter the words.
 
The message of YOUR WORTHINESS and POWER and that you are LOVED is what matters.
 
Your beautiful SOUL being let fly is what is of value.
Your HEART seen and felt.
 
Yes.
Perhaps beautiful you BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and in God.
 
And have chosen to turn your back on the nay sayers and fear bots that try and stain your faith with doubt.
 
Perhaps.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/
– Accepting applications for 1:1 private clients for a limited time.
 
 

Weak Boundaries? No Problem. Do These 2 Things to Overcome Your Shiz NOW!

You have a lack of boundaries with yourself beautiful.

Say what?

Your boundaries for self SUCK.
You cannot even deny it.
You may be under the impression that you got all your shiz together,
that boundaries are goofy or not really needed,
I mean you hear people say all the time with pride that they have none,
or perhaps you have what you consider very hard boundaries,
but baby I got news for you.
Porous or solid,
your self- boundaries suck.

And here is my observation and reasoning for you.

You refuse to commit.
You refuse to stay consistent.
You refuse to do the DAMN THING that you KNOW you must do for yourself.
You keep turning your back on YOU.
And then you have the gumption to b*itch about it and proclaim,

I took that class…
I got that help…
I tried that…
I had patience…
I pushed myself…
I focused on that…
I did that meditation, journaling, “work”….

I did it,
BUT….
“IT” did not help me.

“IT” did not give me the results that I wanted or expected it too.

Okay beautiful,
you are full of crap right now.
This is all bullsh*t!

“IT” whatever “IT” is or was has NOTHING to do with you having success.

The thing that determines your success is YOU.
Doing this THING that you “tried” is not ever going to get you the results that you want.

“IT” is support, education, a new viewpoint, system, guidance to help you achieve what you want IF….

YOU do the damn THING that you need to do.

And that THING is COMMIT.
That thing is staying consistent.

COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY
to YOU beautiful.

And what does that look like? 🤔

➡️It looks like you getting up in the morning and stretching,
breathing into your beautiful body and feeling the gratitude that your body supported your life all night without any conscious effort from you instead of dreading the day ahead.

➡️It looks like you NOT choosing to look at the money you do not have in your bank account before you drink your first morning coffee or shower.

➡️It looks like you applying your focus to positive affirmations instead of looking at the bank account.

➡️It looks like you expanding your knowledge around things that turn you on instead of spending your time with things that drain you.

➡️It looks like you believing that you are worthy of love, success, a beautiful body, abundance and safety instead of focusing your fear on the opposite.

➡️It looks like you committing to YOU and not being the people pleaser that you feel you need to be in order to feel connection, love and gain success in any subject of your life.

➡️ It looks like you not making excuses about your money, your emotions, your responsibilities, your health, your support, your time, your vibration or the economy and JUST DOING THE DAMN THING!

➡️It looks like you being strong in who you are and what you want instead making allowances for being weak and stupid and letting your fears and worries dictate you results.

That is what it looks like beautiful.

But no one,
no program,
no coach, educator, marketing system or therapist,
no healer or medication,
no system,
no nothing…

But your COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY can get you this.

So back to those boundaries that you seem to be having issues with and you want to ignore so fiercely.

Back to making some things nonnegotiable to your life and how you choose to show up and claim it.

Back to getting real and raw,
that is the hard thing.
That is the challenge.
To recognize and accept that YOU.
you are the one holding the map.
It’s your decision what way to go each step of your path.
And even when you feel like you have some great reason as to why you are going a direction that you know is out of alignment,
that ONLY YOU are making that decision.
And it is NEVER forced on you.
You CHOOSE how you react to any given experience or moment in your timeline.
You CHOOSE what you apply your attention and energy too.
You CHOOSE what you commit too.
But always remember that…

YOU ARE COMMITTING TO SOMETHING.

Where does your commitment lie?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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I am looking for a girlfriend experience….

I am looking for a girlfriend experience…

I can’t help it, men wake up with cum on the brain…

It’s your fault, you are so hot, I just cannot control myself…

You teach tantra, so that means that you will have sex with me…

I want to sex you…

So what do you think? (insert below average unsolicited dick pic here)

And so many other statements that we coaches, educators, tantra teachers and WOMEN GET DAILY.

And I have left some of the more raunchy ones off of this list.

If I shared what gets stated and shown to me frequently via Facebook messenger and other lines of social media and randomly to my email or phone I would get kicked off of Facebook. Funny little note here, if I report someone on Facebook for sexual harassment or aggressive statements or out of standard pictures I get to keep the pictures and messages, it is left up to me to dispose of them. But if I say one word that someone scrolling through see’s and is upset about then my posting is trashed and I am booted for three days…FAIR????🤔

My rant here is because I want to bring to light the ill ideas that so many have of women in general.

How so many (sorry men, but it is effing true) men think it okay, normal, ACCEPTABLE and even appreciated to message and make the comments that they do to random women they do not know or even ones that they do know.

The above leading statement, “I am looking for a girlfriend experience.” was recently messaged to me here on Facebook from an old client of mine who after yesterdays communications has been blocked and is on the cusp of having a restraining order served if he does not simmer his ass down.

YES! He took it that far.

It is hard to rattle me.
It is difficult to get to me with the distasteful pictures and comments.
I typically just delete after a good laugh. 🤣🤣🤣
With no message back.
Every now then when I am hormonal or just in a bitchy mood and had enough of the shenanigans that these pervs who seem to be dressed up as adult men send out,
on these days,
these days I get a little sarcastic.
And fire back something. 📣🤣🤦‍♀️
I consider it tossing my ego some breadcrumbs.
As I do so much work to keep light on my ego and stay aware of where it is and how it is trying to control me.

But then this shiz 💩happens.
An old client solicits me for sex.
Assuming it is okay.
Assuming that I would I guess be excited at his proud offer.
And then to his dismay, I say – NO! 😱

Sorry sir, I don’t do that.
I don’t sleep with my clients.
I don’t do sexual things with my clients.
If you want to do a coaching appointment over dinner, yes we can .
If you want and extended coaching session, yes we can do that too.
You want me to listen and give you connection that way, yes we can do that too.
You want a hug. – yes I will give you a hug if you need it.

Oh wait, you want me to come to your hotel room and stay the effing night????? ( scratching my head as I wonder where he got this idea from🤔)

Ummmmm…. let me see if that is in my pay grade? or desire grade?

Ohhhhhhhhh…..

F-CK NO!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.
And yet so many men out there think that we women will be ecstatic to just have a guy message and say, ” I wanna f-ck you.” or ” I love you. So lets have sex. Let me touch you here and there. Do this and that to you. I can show you want a real man is like.”

And we women are to go weak at the knees I guess.
And get wet, and be like “Oh my God, my soulmate has arrived! YES. YES. YES. Please, take me. Let me bend over for this two pump chump that I have been dreaming of.”

LOL.
Right?

Oh I know what will make it better.
This chick she is hot and she teaches on sex.
I will offer to pay her for the two pumps.
That will be appealing.
That will seal the deal.

SERIOUSLY GUYS?

And these same men will proclaim themselves Conscious Men.
Spiritual Men.
Emotionally Mature Men.
Wise Men.
Understanding Women Men.

Of which none really apply.

I am a woman who loves men.
I love supporting men.
I love working with men.
I love seeing men become better men.
Having the love, the relationships, the sex and abundance that they want.

But with someone that is not me.
Unless you are my boyfriend. My lover.
Which FYI is NOT an easy place to get.

Women can be easy for sure.
Some more than others.
And this has a lot to do with a lot of things.
But most women who love themselves, respect themselves and KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.

Will not bed easy.
Or with just anyone.
And for certain not with these FOOLS!

Sorry wantabe gents, I only provide a girlfriend experience to my boyfriend.
And he is my boyfriend because he is at least wise enough to not make these stupid assumptions.

SO this rant, is for all you ladies out there.
Single or taken.
No matter your relationship status,
no matter your body type,
no matter your background,
religion,
career,
education level,
or ethnic background.

I know we all get this SHIZ consistently and it sucks.
So the next time a dude sends you a unsolicited dick pic and says what do you think baby?
Simply say, ” I think you should not be sending me child pornography and I am reporting this.”

Guys, you can call me whatever name you want right now, and if you are calling me names and taking offense then you might be one of these dudes I am speaking of.

In Jeff Foxworthy terms, “Here’s Your Sign!”

This may be a controversial post…
This may have some anger and frustration attached,
and I am NOT claiming that all men are this way ( thank goodness you are not or we women would be very upset and lonely) What I am saying is that –
💩💩💩THIS SHIZ IS NOT OKAY!!!💩💩💩

Guy’s you have got to realize that if all you think you have to offer is that little picture and some fowl words, some begging and then some anger when you get NOTHING but crickets or go the eff away….

That YOU have got some inner work to do.
You have got to learn some things about women and life.
We don’t owe you anything, certainly not our sex.
Maybe a blocking on social media… but our thanks and appreciation for this crap is not owed.

You want to have a chance with a women,
appeal to her mind and heart.
Women DO NOT operate like men.
Your pictures will not captivate us and make us want you.
And we typically don’t let sex rule our lives.
Or our actions.
And if you really want a woman,
then you need to F-CKING EARN HER!

Become a man.
Start there.
We are not babysitters.
We are not wanting the immaturity,
the disrespect

Your dick….
Your sexual comments are NOT A TURN ON.

Got it?
I sure as eff hope so.

But sadly the men who need to read this,
WILL NOT.

And to the rest of you men out there,
who this does not apply too.

THANK YOU!!!!🙌

Keep doing you!
The world needs more GOOD MEN.

Okay rant over.

As Always,
Stop Existing ( And settling for so little) & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Warrior of the Goddesses Heart

I know what I want.
I know my desire.
I feel my heart yearning.
Calling for me to breathe,
breathe life back into it.
To not fear love.
Or to be loved.
To not belittle love,
offered at my doorway.

I hear my lovers words,
the sweetness they make,
the commitment they stand before,
the desire that erupts in them,
and the love.
The love that they are carried on.

I hear him share his heart,
I feel his soul hold space,
for me as I share in return.
I share my fear.
I share my struggle,
I share my desire.
And I want to run.

Can he be the one that can hold me?
Is he willing to really love me?
Or will he crumble
from my weight,
the weight of who I am
and all I want to become.

His words are nothing new to my ears.
Unfortunate tales that many a sailor in my feminine currents have sung before him.

They all long to be the one.
They long to capture my heart.

They enjoy my body,
they are intrigued by my mind,
they get lifted by my spirit,
but they know that the true battle,
the crusade is for my heart.

And it is a heart that has been scorned,
a heart that has been tossed away as it opened deeper.

My lover looks at me with loving eyes,
he aims to penetrate my soul,
he desires for me to feel his commitment,
his certainty,
he is confident that he can hold me
and dance in my fire.

His voice echos words of my past loves.
He shares he does not want me to change.
He does not want to control me.
That he,
yes he can love me and I am not to much.

I feel his heart,
I hear his belief,
but these words are easy to say,
while you sit by the fire and get caught up in its mystery.
What will he do when my fire escapes its container?
What will he do when it desires to over take his heart?
When it burns,
burns in its glory,
in its beauty.

Sure he will enjoy its dance,
but will he be able to handle it being ignited?

Through time and space we dance,
we open and close.
I look away but for a second,
as I sense him leaning in.
My soul wants to be taken.
My heart wants to be penetrated.
But alas,
the fear conquers them.
It masks the emotions that beg to be seen,
and it makes me retreat.

Retreat once again,
I will.
Back into my lonely cave.
Where I feel safe.
Safe in my not having.
Safe in my not being seen,
if even for a bit longer.
Yet he still see’s me.
And I know this.
He leans in further,
his lips softly open,
he asks for a kiss.

My heart shakes,
it rumbles in fear and excitement.
For all it ever wants,
wants to be chased,
wants to be desired,
wants to be opened,
wants to not be given up on.

In its wanting,
he steps a bit further into the fire,
and proclaims his presence.
Asking for my depth.
Asking for my emotion.
Asking for my fire.

And so it is,
that I breathe in.
Just one breath,
just one perhaps.

And answer him in the only way I can,
in this moment.
This perfect moment of our lives.

“As you wish.”
Comes from my lips as we meet once again.

————————–————————–

To all those who have loved and lost,
loved deeper than they can ever share,
who have tasted true love and will never settle for anything less than.

To all those who have stood in the goddesses fire,
who have been burned, who have been mesmerized by its flames and desired to conquer it.

To all those who want to feel its ignition,
who believe that they can hold it.
And dance with it.

Much love to you this day.
Open yourselves to love,
as it is what makes you feel alive.
It births your soul into all it desires,
all it needs and can be.

And let yourself be seen.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

 

An Ode to the Gentleman.

You say you can hear my smile in my voice.

You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…

It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.

You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.

You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.

You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.

You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
and
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.

Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.

So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.

In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.

And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
and smile.
I feel like your queen.

Cherished.
Adored.
and
Desired.

You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.

To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
and surrender,
once more.

To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
Thank you.

You are loved and needed.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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Open and Shut – How do you cope with transformation?

Open and Shut.

The lesson of my year.
When this year got started I looked at it and just knew that it was going to be transformational.
Now I am not an overly superstitious person or one that listens strongly to “hocus pocus” sorts of things, but I do pay attention to energy and take it all in.

Born in the year of the fire dragon according to Chinese astrology, the year of the dog that we are in typically brings in relationship transformation items for me.

You can call this bogus, and I often do myself in my own head.
Questioning things as they do not line up to my logical, scientific, realist thinking and understanding, however there are times that I see that these “mystical, spiritual” sorts of things actually do shine a light on potential energy of the moment.

This all being said, the year of the dog has proven once again to be a year that is reorganizing my life in ways I never anticipated.

The last year of the dog I told my now ex-husband that I wanted a divorce.

This year both my over 6 year intimate relationships came to an end suddenly and friendships are changing right before my eye’s as well. My family is growing in number, orchestrating itself, I feel pulled away from my mother and I am questioning some relationships that are lingering.

The year of the dog is all about relationship.
Loyalty.
Family.
Brotherhood-sisterhood.

And for us dragon’s it reveals the truth in these areas.

Change is always difficult.
The feeling of loosing those who have been closest to you is never easy and is painful at a level that I do not believe I have words to express.

Yet I am reminded in these times of relationship transformation, the wisdom and comfort of Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

” To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.”

As I move through this year,
I feel my ego wanting me to shut the doorways on life,
to fully retract from things that I enjoy,
form the relationships that I do have,
or to shut down from the people that I am in a relationship transformation with.

I have observed that as these changes occur that my fellow transformation warriors often choose to shut themselves down and out.

Making what seem’s like a public display of their pain by closing the doors to what not is, but what could be.

The pain of transformation effects everyone differently,
and I am not proclaiming that there is any right or wrong way to go about it.

It is nothing more than a noticing of these times.

My way has always been about opening.
Just because a relationship is evolving,
just because new boundaries are being established,
just because truths have been spoken,
lies broken,
and hearts revealed,
that in my humble opinion does not mean that one must shut down to the relationship and close it fully out UNLESS,

Unless….
That is that the vibration between souls is so great of a difference that they cannot co-habitat in any fashion or sense.

Then a full closing must happen.
At least for a time frame.

In this case, I am reminded of the wisdom ,
“Time heals all wounds.”

I use to say this was rubbish.
But now in my 40’s I know that it is truth.

I have had my heart broken in many ways,
by those I never thought would and I have done my fair share of breaking of other’s.
This process will never end,
but what I have learned is that over the course of time,
Time will heal the woulds.

Time allows for us to move if we desire from a state of closed to a state of open.

It allows us to educate ourselves about the lessons that we practiced in these past relationships and to expand ourselves more, yet always offering a deeper realization of ourselves.

Relationship is all about us meeting ourselves at a more intimate level.

Our relationships with others reveals to us our internal relationship with ourselves and with God.

As we step forward on this path of transformation,
we find our guidance here.

The steps we are to take will be lit by blessings that will guide us and desires that will call to us.

Do we choose to open or shut to them?
The answer to this question makes all the difference on our path of understanding and healing.

We are always being offered a choice.
It is always ours to make.

What manifests in our life experience comes from these choices and the energy of opening or shutting in any given moment.

It is truly only by leaning into love,
and remaining open through the pain of the transofmration,
that we expand to our deeper self.

In loving gratitude for all those relationships through my life that have offered these lessons and I have been able to take part in. May we all move toward a deeper union with our truth.

And as always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

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Never ask me to do this…

My mentor recently wrote about how if you ask her to give up her art then you will never know her heart, because without the art there is no heart.
 
I sat with this thought all day yesterday after reading her words ( which I will share in full shortly for you). I sat with it because as I read them, my heart gasp in enthusiasm of being understood FINALLY.
 
So often I find myself being asked to sacrifice my work,
my writing, my sharing with you for something else. For a relationship. For false stability.
 
I find my art getting smashed down and hidden under rugs and in corners because it is not perceived as IMPORTANT or it is “just my j-o-b.”
 
I find these same things that request I sacrifice my art, to also desire to become closer to me, to take up valuable space in my life, in my days and weeks. They want time and energy from me, they want my attention but they deny my art and the love I have for it.
 
As I read her words, I realized that out of all the things and people that have pushed my art to the side, that I was by far the worst. It is ONLY me who ever say’s yes or no to my art.
 
It is only me who ever set’s the boundaries around my time, my energy, my life….
 
My art.
 
And it is my doing that at points in life that I allow it to be stolen from me. Hidden and handicapped.
 
I want to share my heart.
I want to share my passion.
I want to reveal all that I know at my deepest core.
At my soul.
 
So why do I allow it to be ignored and put on the back burner?
For the same reason’s that you do!
 

FEAR.

 
Fear of loss of all those that take it’s place.
Fear of not being worthy.
Fear of being too much.
 
Yes that is why we hide from our art at times and allow the loss of it to form in my life until we feel like our lives are no more.
 
Until we can no longer breathe,
because our heart has been squished.
Has lost its life.
 
My art is not my j-o-b.
I do not have a j-o-b.
My message, my mission, my sharing and teaching.
My writing and speaking,
this is all my art.
 
My art comes from my heart.
It comes from that centered place deep withing my soul where I feel the divine speaking and calling out.
 
Using my hands,
my mouth,
my whole being….
 
for not my art.
but God’s Art.
 
If you ask me to choose between my art and you, I’ll choose my art
 
And if you think it’s not a big deal to speak to me or draw my attention in any way while I’m in that art, you break my heart
 
Soon enough then, there’ll be nothing left to give you anyway, because my art is my heart and only from my art beats my heart so if you break it –
 
And you continually show you don’t get that it’s always art first –
 
I have to remove myself or there will be no more art
 
And no more heart
 
For anyone” — Katrina Ruth
 
So why the f-ck ever choose ANYTHING other than your art?
 
That becomes the question.
There is NEVER a reason good enough if you look at it like this.
 

What is your art?

Choose it today.

Claim Your Life.

 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Pull Your F-cking Head Out of Your Ass and Get a Life of Your F-cking Own Syndrome

It has been a VERY long day.
One where I have spent the entire day avoiding my hormones,
avoiding my desire to just scream,
and cry, and bitch about everything.
 
Originally, I was going to write about starting your day with orgasm, and how wonderful that is. I thought that would be a wonderful share as I had a great night of some good sexing and woke up this morning turned on and even masturbated.
 
So orgasm was strong in my body.
However, my day quickly turned gears.
I found myself battling for the space to just write in my daily journal for about 4 hours.
 
The distractions came from everyone in my life.
My period not helping me hold back my frustration.
I felt on edge ALL stinking day.
 
Keeping in mind the wise parenting advice that I have held near and dear for 23 years of being a mom,
 
” Pick your battles.”
 
So here I am at midnight,
after a day of picking my battles and getting distracted.
 
Here I am FINALLY writing this brief tid bit of rawness.
 
And what am I sharing on this evening?
I am sharing on an extremely important topic.
One that I believe is one of the BIGGEST issues in relationship today.
 
My day has been a day that was filled with it.
Multiple sources brought it to me.
I had to breathe through it many times today.
As I was focused on , “picking my battles.”
 
This though is an on going battle in my home and life and perhaps for you it may be in your’s as well.
 
I AM NOT AND CANNOT BE YOUR EVERYTHING.
NOR DO I WANT TO.
 
Yes here ya go folks.
Here is my share.
 
Do you feel like your partner,
your lover,
your friend,
your sibling,
or any other relationship
 
needs to be your everything?
 
Maybe you are on the same side as me on this topic and you feel like you are being expected to be someone’s everything.
 
It’s f-cking exhausting isn’t it?
There is no freaking’ way that any of us can do this for another.
 
yet so often this is the issue in our relationships.
We get into a relationship with someone,
and we make them our everything.
we loose our individuality.
we stop going out alone or with others,
we dedicate our every breath to this other person,
and when they don’t reciprocate,
we get pissed.
we feel hurt.
we wonder why we are not good enough, ‘or why they don’t care.
After all we have done so much for them,
why can’t they just see that and appreciate it?
 
why can’t they just let go of everything else in their world and make us their #1?
 
It’s just not fair.
It’s always us getting hurt.
 
In steps JEALOUSY.
In steps our need to control.
We have to control this situation, or we will not feel loved,
seen, appreciated.
 
We have to point to all those things that are taking our desired relationship away from us.
 
Making it hard for us to connect.
Making it hard for them to see us.
 
So we push a little harder.
We beg a little more.
We stomp our feet, slam doors, and act like we are three again.
We retract our love to show them what they are missing.
We wave our pissed off flag around,
hoping that they will notice,
 
But they just seem to carry on without us.
Or they cave and let our juvenile ways win for now.
 
So they smile.
So they say sweet things.
So they comfort us one more time,
putting our fears of loosing them to the side temporarily.
 
But then God dang it.
They turn right back around,
like nothing happened.
Like our pain was never there,
and MOTHER F-CKER.
 
They go back out with those other people.
They laugh and enjoy life on their own,
They just keep moving through their day,
as though we are not here.
 
JEALOUSY.
The sad truth in this tale is that the fear of loosing the relationship is most certainly going to happen when someone keeps pushing and suffocating another like this.
 
The truth is, that any relationship needs to be based in authentic desire to be in relationship with us.
 
It needs to be based on individuals who are not needy to the point of suffocating each other.
Have lives of their own, and come together to support and compliment each other in life.
 
If you are loosing yourself in a relationship.
if you are feeling needy to the point of jealousy.
If you are pissed off at the other individual for being just that, an individual.
If you are pissed off at the other individual for not making you their #1 in everything, or dropping other relationships for you.
 
Then you may be suffering from , ” Pull Your F-cking Head Out of Your Ass and Get a Life of Your F-cking Own Syndrome.”
 
This syndrome has some key symptoms:
* You cannot let the other person be alone without you for more than 10 minutes.
* You always make your opinion supportive to what the other’s is or might be.
*You try to hard to please the other person ALL THE TIME.
* You are fearful of being yourself or stating your truth to the other.
* You will change who you are to make sure you don’t loose the relationship.
* You get upset about the person having or doing things with others, even though you smile and tell them its okay.
* You cannot go and do much of anything without the other person, and you don’t want to.
 
 
This syndrome causes relationship breakup when you try to take over a non-codependent person’s life with it.
 
If you are like me,
then this sort of syndrome makes you want to run the other direction.
 
Drop the person like a hot potato.
And count your blessings that you caught it in time.
 
In my personal opinion there is not much more unattractive then this syndrome.
 
If you are a person suffering from this syndrome,
well I am sorry.
 
Truly I am.
It is time to put on your BIG KID panties and realize that healthy relationships DO NOT operate like this.
 
It is time for you sweet soul, to learn who you are.
Get right with JUST BEING YOU.
Learn to love you.
And start to enjoy life,
which means to have more than JUST ONE in your life.
 
We are human beings and we are built for community.
We need relationships.
 
Multiple relationships.
We need to get our needs met in many ways and by multiple sources ( people).
 
NO ONE CAN BE SOMEONE ELSE’S EVERYTHING!!!!
This is putting an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation on the relationship and on the person.
 
If you claim to care about the relationship
about the other person,
about you,
 
Then go get your shit in order.
get a life of your own,
and STOP EXPECTING anything from anyone.
 
ESPECIALLY THAT THEY ARE YOUR EVERYTHING.
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.