So you think you can poly?
You think you can do open relationship?
Right now I have a bunch of couples coming to me with the desire to open their relationship up.
I have a bunch of singles who desire to get into an open relationship as well.
What’s up with all the openness?
I will tell you what’s up with all the openness…
Open relationships are effing amazing!
They are built on an unconditional love and acceptance that most monogamous relationships could only ever dream of.
Open relationships when done right,
are all about each partner giving themselves and each other the permission and support to explore who they really are and to get their needs and desires met how they feel fit without the fear of loosing their primary partner.
Open relationships encourage each partner to truly work on themselves and move through their limiting belief structures,
through their fear based needs and ideas around jealousy and control equalling love.
Open relationships are hardly ever about the sex.
Although sex is a big part of the relationship guidlines and agreements,
sex is never what it is ultimatly about.
And here is why…
Anyone can go get laid pretty easily.
If you are a female,
there is free, easy to get sex around every corner, no matter your age, looks or anything else.
If you are man, yeah it can certainly be a bit harder ( no pun intended..lol- okay maybe intended)
but at the end of the day if you truly desire it and have a bit of confidence then there is a chick who will hand it over pretty easily.
So sex is not difficult to get.
But thats just friction based, empty sex.
There is nothing too it.
No heart, no soul, no connection.
Its just skin rubbing skin ending with a pump, pump ooohhh, goo, moment.
And that is most likely part of the problem in the primary relationship that triggered this whole idea to open the relationship to start.
Heartless, quick, empty, friction based sex on one side or both.
Opening up the relationship is because one partner if not both feels lost in who they are.
They are starving to be seen, felt and understood.
They are hungry for a deep orgasm.
And that deep orgasm can only come about with care,
with some feelings attached to the person they are dancing with.
Or else, its pointless.
It’s empty and in truth sorta traumatizing to the mental and emotional houses.
Opening up is about realizing that not all connection is equal.
Realizing that NO ONE person will ever, or can ever fill all of our needs. That when we are closed that we will live out our lives only meeting one aspect of self as well.
When we open, it is more about us meeting all the facets of who we are, then about getting laid or having an orgasm.
Opening up is about allowing yourself to breathe into self,
to explore different venues of the mind, the emotions, the physical body.
If you have had sex with more than one person in your life,
then you can pause a moment and think about the different ways each partner made you feel. You can think about how you reacted, conversed differently with each person. How each person, taught you new things about life, or revealed different likes or thoughts, even personalities of the self.
This is why people open.
We grow weary and bored with the self.
We become numb to all this beauty we hold in ourselves,
and we forget who we are.
Our candles grow dim and we need someone to strike a match and help light us up again to all the treasure we have within.
A person who lives in fear of loosing their partner prevents themselves and their partner from ever authentically showing up in the relationship or in the sex. Fear creates an energy of neediness,
fear creates a desire to control outcomes,
and a belief that if our partner loved us truly then they would always put us first.
After all we are the primary partner.
We are the significant other.
We are the life mate.
In truth, the relationship that must hold center stage for any person,
is the relationship with self.
And when we choose to disregard the relationship with self,
we close ourselves to all we have to offer this life,
to offer our partner,
our family and friends.
And we slowly die within.
So yes, this may seem like I just said you need to be selfish in relationship and put yourself in front of EVERYONE else,
and I did say that.
You will never be able to fill the needs of those you love if your vessel is empty.
You must put self- care first.
and in open relationship,
this is understood and honored.
We best honor and love our primary partners and all relationships in our lives when we take care of self in all area’s first.
Now, don’t let this statement lead you to believe that open relationship is about partners demanding things left and right without care to anyone else’s feelings or needs.
Only a self- centered person does that.
And self-centeredness and selfishness are vastly different things.
No, in open relationship the partners discuss needs,
discuss ideas on how to best support each other,
and know that in order to remain deeply rooted in each other and keep their relationship primary,
that they MUST set healthy guidelines, boundaries and agreements in place and honor them.
They know the importance of setting aside time for connection daily and weekly with each other,
keeping the relationship that they claim as a primary,
but they do so by honoring themselves as well and speaking their needs and desires. Understanding that sometimes their partner cannot give them what they want or need in that moment.
Yes, open relationship equals difficult, real, raw conversations.
Open relationship means a willingness to see and hear your partners truth and know that you cannot always be the one to support them the way they need.
Open relationship understands that intimacy and vulnerability, truth and answers are not always pleasing or easy to step into.
But that it is what is needed if we truly love someone.
Today I ask you to look at your relationship,
no matter the label you identify with.
I ask you to look at your relationship and ask yourself these simple questions,
“Am I making my primary relationship, primary? And how am I doing this?”
“Am I acting out of fear and control in my relationship, or am I offering authentic unconditional love and support?”
“Do I feel that my partner owes me anything or is responsible for my feelings? If so how is this serving either of us or our relationship?”
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn about opening up in relationship or want to keep it monogamous but practice the conversations and relating skills of an open relationship? Message me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching opportunities.
Pick me while I am ripe!
Suck all the juices from my flesh.
Let not a drop of me go to waist.
I want to fill you full of all I have,
all I can give and all you desire.
Sweet nectar pours from me,
each moment that I allow.
Sticky, sweet and refreshing.
This is how I want you to remember me.
Organic, raw and pure.
Yet satisfying and delicate.
A taste that make you crave more.
A taste of something rare.
Yes this is how I want you to enjoy me.
Pick me while I am ripe.
And let not a drop fall from this life,
without fully being consumed, devoured and enjoyed.
My life is worth nothing,
if not for the tasting.
Let your lips and mouth remember,
my flesh beneath them once more.
No moment can ever last forever,
no taste can be the same twice.
But this I promise you my love,
this taste will delight.
As long as you choose wisely,
let my juices flow from me,
Enjoy the sweetness they offer,
enjoy this moment.
Our lives are nothing,
they are worth not even a breath,
if we do not bask in the freshness,
the flavors that wash through.
sweet and juicy.
Is the only way to live.
Yet so many may dislike our fruit we bare.
Call it evil,
dirty and sinful.
How can anyone enjoy such rapture?
How can anyone delight in this flavor?
it is so putrid.
How can one swallow this?
It has contaminated our SOUL.
But this contamination,
this discomfort that you feel,
it comes not from the fruit or the juices,
in was here on your lips my dear.
This flavor that makes you ill,
was only brought to your taste,
by the sweetness that this life can offer,
but your fear will steal away.
Pick me when I am ripe,
let not any juice escape.
This life was for the rapture.
The pure delight of such.
When one who stands in their juiciness,
comes forth and speaks the truth,
the SOUL is contaminated.
Not of evil or sin,
but of its very TRUTH,
the truth that it is RIPE and waiting,
waiting to be enjoyed.
Consumed as a lover would wish,
enjoyed as the sweetness the angels bare true.
But you may fear this juice,
this truth and your SOUL.
Hide from it yet one more moment,
until it feel rotten,
lost and unworthy.
But never understand,
that this cannot be.
it is still connected to the vine,
the vine that has been blessed.
And all you need to ever do,
is taste it here,
taste its juice,
And yes my dear,
it is uncomfortable to know your truth this day,
to stand here in the garden,
and look the other way.
But know that you are juicy.
You are sweet and ripe.
Your fruit is for the taking,
and life will bare it.
your thoughts and feelings,
are what keeps your vine alive,
but so many are uprooted,
so many are frightened and hungry.
Thirsty for a purpose.
Lost in this garden.
Wake up beautiful,
wake up and feel your ripeness.
Let yourself leak your juices into your lovers mouth,
let your flesh be seen,
So water the roots,
water the vines,
water the fruit.
Open yourself to faith.
And let yourself be consumed.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to taste of all the juiciness that life has to still offer you?
Want to explore your talents, your passion and purpose?
Elite 1:1 Coaching available.
He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.
He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.
He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.
Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.
But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.
And this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.
And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.
Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.
She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.
She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
and she opens a bit more.
This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.
She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.
The depths of their souls.
And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.
They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.
Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.
Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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