“I want a man who is faithful.
I want a man who is dependable.
A man who is kind.
Who loves my children.
And is strong in integrity.
I want a man who is confident.
I want a man who is passionate.
A man who makes me laugh.
And generous with his time,his resources, his love.
I want a man that listens, that I can tell anything too.
A man that is romantic.
Good in bed.
A man that will help around the house and can cook.
I want a man who has a purpose and is driven.
Is financially stable.
I want a man who is tall.
I want a man with a handsome face.
I want man who cares for his body.
Is muscular and makes me feel safe.
I want a man who has a good sense of style.
I want a man who loves the outdoors.
But also loves fine dining and has good etiquette.
I want a man who loves adventure.
Who wants and can travel the world with me.
I want a man that has freedom.
I want a man who will treat me like his queen.
I want a man who respects me.
I want a man who does not want to control me.
I want a man who is spiritually sound.
And I want it ALL from YOU!”
Read that list ladies and gents.
I could write it about what men want as well.
It’s hard to read that list and believe that one person could fulfill all of those desires.
It’s hard to believe because no one person can.
Sure we can fulfill some of those all of the time,
and other’s of those some of the time,
but can one person ever fulfill all of those all of the time?
And should it be put on someone to do such a thing?
A hefty list of expectations I do say.
And it’s my list.
And my list has about thirty more very specific things on it as well.
And what I am looking for at the end of my list is more important than any of the specific things on it.
And that is alignment.
I want a man who is aligned to his purpose.
I want a man that is SOUL ALIGNED.
What this desire will give is all of the above and then some, but in the perfect harmony that is right for him and for myself.
Perfect for the moment.
I also, do not expect for a man to have everything on my list.
There are things that I am willing to look at,
to not need because they are not high priorities.
And then there are the things that are CRUCIAL.
And how do I know that these things are crucial?
Because I am like Goldilocks in dating.
I have come to realize that dating is about figuring out what you like,
what you don’t like,
what is cool,
what is not cool,
what aligns to you or not.
Dating is about sampling everything you can at the buffet and figuring out what has that more flavor and what makes you want to puke.
The biggest challenge in dating is that it takes time and energy.
It requires patients.
It requires one getting to know yourself.
And getting right with who you are first, before trying to find someone else to fill in your gaps for you.
Dating offers you the ability to meet yourself in so many ways.
I f-cking LOVE dating!
And maybe that is why I am so good at it.
And why I have no issue finding incredible men of all types with a flip of my hair it seems.
It’s true though.
I am often shocked at how many people have difficulty with dating.
And often after speaking to them about it,
the basis of their issues is that they don’t really like people or they don’t really love themselves.
Often some combination of the two.
How are you to ever meet someone worth while,
someone that has anything you want from your list,
if you hate people.
All you will ever discover is characteristics that you hate.
Because that is what you are focused on.
Or if you don’t have self-esteem or love of self,
then how will you ever meet someone who is confident, passionate, loving, giving or takes care of themselves?
You have to be matching what you want to call in.
So back to the Goldilocks Mindset on Dating.
The concept here is simple.
Get to know what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And who the f-ck you are.
By dating many, many, people.
And DO NOT get committed quickly.
Dating is all about getting to know someone and letting yourself be revealed as you go.
These two things will never happen over night.
Matter a fact it has been proven that new relationship energy (NRE) takes about 18 months to 3 years to wear off. This is that energy that you feel when you are just getting to know someone one. Where the rose tinted glasses are still on. They can do hardly anything wrong and you make excuses for them left and right, make assumptions about things and don’t really see clearly the love that is before you. This is the time in a relationship that you are living a storybook.
And then one day you wake up and you meet this new person, you wonder where he/she has been hiding the last year or two, and who took away your beautiful mate that was oh so perfect. Now the real stuff comes out and you get to actually get into relationship with the person.
Well if you were dating like Goldilocks,
then you would not be putting all your hopes, needs and desires onto one person.
You would not be looking at the person you are just meeting with hungry eye’s of, “oh please be the one and make my misery of dating be over.”
You would not be so willing to sell yourself short of the quality of a mate that you so badly want.
You would not be so quick to change yourself to try and match someone who is not in alignment to your soul or heart,
and instead you would look at each person who you explored as a beautiful experience for the moment.
One that was there to reveal to you things about yourself.
About desires that you have.
About the life that you want to live.
The relationship that you want to have.
And you would be in gratitude for all the things brought to the table of you relating with them,
no matter how you perceived them in the moment.
If you were dating like Goldilocks,
you most certainly would not sell out to the first bowl of porridge that presented itself to you, or the first bed that looked good but maybe did not feel just right in some way.
No, you would love yourself enough to take your sweet time to get the relationship that was in SOUL ALIGNMENT.
You would try out many different scenarios.
You would explore lot’s of different flavors.
And you would allow yourself to gain clarity on what felt best to you.
You would be unconditional in your dating.
With limited expectations,
and only a desire to reveal and be revealed.
The Mindset of Goldilocks in dating is all about exploration.
It is a mindset of learning about self.
It is a mindset that does not entertain scarcity.
It is knowing that “The ONE” will come when you truly love self and know thy self. When you you are vibing at the level that you magnetize him/her to you.
Anything before then will be about seeing where you are vibing at and learning more about what you like or dislike.
And you would do it all in YOUR OWN TIME.
Not some predetermined social idea of when it should happen or guidelines as to what some story line says it “should.”
So for all you single’s out there who are looking for that special someone and believe that you are running out of time,
ready to give up or cut yourself short on what you want in a relationship,
let me share this concept with you and let me assure you that you are worth a beautiful relationship.
One that has so much of what you want and then some.
You can have it all.
And you will.
As long as you learn how to approach love and relationship with unconditional relating and a focus of self-love and honor first.
Remember that you call into your life that, that you focus on most.
So where has your focus gotten you?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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Success happens with in the small things.
The small things is what makes all the difference,
because the small things are actually BIG mother f-cking things.
Have you noticed this?
I sure have luv.
I am sure that you have noticed how you can focus in on all these BIG ass boulders and you can spend your life trying to push those damn boulders up the mountain you are climbing,
with little to no movement,
then you do thi sone little thing,
that seem’s like nothing really.
It’s a no-duh sorta thing even,
it’s a thing that you wonder,
“Why did I never think of that?”
and you do it,
and it MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Yes success happens with in the small things.
Failure happens in the small things too.
You may understand this one a bit better.
Think about the relationships that you have had that have failed.
Was it big things or a pile up of small things that destroyed the intimacy,
even the love?
It was the small things , right?
They seem so small
and so unimportant often.
They appear as though they should be easy to move through,
to conquer even.
And we most certainly should get over them quickly.
Small things are small hurdles after all.
And they are!
They are IF,
we let them be just that,
and we are proactive about discovering them,
and doing whatever it is that we need,
to clear the small hurdle.
Often this means,
And in the land of success,
and moving those boulders with ease,
you have to be willing to look into things that are in your shadow,
into things that you may already be doing, ‘but are not doing where,
or exactly how you need to be doing them.
These sort of things, are the things that can take you from zero to 60 in under a minute flat.
These sort of things,
can make or break you.
The issue always come’s back to realization of them,
and how we choose to perceive them.
It comes back to ego.
It comes back to heart.
It comes back to alignment.
What feels good,
and yet pushes your comfort zone.
The answer though is always in it feeling good.
Anything that does not feel good will create a low vibe in you and create chaos and destruction.
NEVER EVER do that which you “think” you should do for anyone else, if it makes you feel bad in shape.
Especially if it scares you ass it may be dangerous,
it may cause some emotional or psychological issue within you, such as shame. Or it leaves you with a feeling of bitterness or fear of loss if you don’t do it.
This is not following your joy.
This is not alignment.
This is not jumping over a small hurdle to some success of moving that boulder up the mountain.
It most certainly is not.
Instead this sort of pushing through will add other boulders to your process and prevent you from success.
So put simple,
Just don’t do it.
It is okay to be selfish and say no to something or someone,
as saying now is saying f-ck yes,
And being a f-ck yes to yourself will keep you high vibing!
Guess what luv,
saying yes to yourself at all cost,
is one of the most important small things you can do too.
It is the one small things that is the BIGGEST thing you can ever do to get that boulder up the mountain with ease.
But it will take courage.
It will take compassion for self first.
It will take passion,
and it will take a hell of a lot of self- love.
But YOU ARE WORTH it.
So focus in on the small things that will make all the difference today.
Focus in on the self-love that you have been denying yourself.
Focus in on the things that make you feel high vibe, make you laugh, make you smile.
Focus in on the small things as they are not small at all,
they are the BIG things.
And your success is going to totally rock out of the ethers because of these things.
Just say yes.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.
I know what I want.
I know my desire.
I feel my heart yearning.
Calling for me to breathe,
breathe life back into it.
To not fear love.
Or to be loved.
To not belittle love,
offered at my doorway.
I hear my lovers words,
the sweetness they make,
the commitment they stand before,
the desire that erupts in them,
and the love.
The love that they are carried on.
I hear him share his heart,
I feel his soul hold space,
for me as I share in return.
I share my fear.
I share my struggle,
I share my desire.
And I want to run.
Can he be the one that can hold me?
Is he willing to really love me?
Or will he crumble
from my weight,
the weight of who I am
and all I want to become.
His words are nothing new to my ears.
Unfortunate tales that many a sailor in my feminine currents have sung before him.
They all long to be the one.
They long to capture my heart.
They enjoy my body,
they are intrigued by my mind,
they get lifted by my spirit,
but they know that the true battle,
the crusade is for my heart.
And it is a heart that has been scorned,
a heart that has been tossed away as it opened deeper.
My lover looks at me with loving eyes,
he aims to penetrate my soul,
he desires for me to feel his commitment,
he is confident that he can hold me
and dance in my fire.
His voice echos words of my past loves.
He shares he does not want me to change.
He does not want to control me.
yes he can love me and I am not to much.
I feel his heart,
I hear his belief,
but these words are easy to say,
while you sit by the fire and get caught up in its mystery.
What will he do when my fire escapes its container?
What will he do when it desires to over take his heart?
When it burns,
burns in its glory,
in its beauty.
Sure he will enjoy its dance,
but will he be able to handle it being ignited?
Through time and space we dance,
we open and close.
I look away but for a second,
as I sense him leaning in.
My soul wants to be taken.
My heart wants to be penetrated.
the fear conquers them.
It masks the emotions that beg to be seen,
and it makes me retreat.
Retreat once again,
Back into my lonely cave.
Where I feel safe.
Safe in my not having.
Safe in my not being seen,
if even for a bit longer.
Yet he still see’s me.
And I know this.
He leans in further,
his lips softly open,
he asks for a kiss.
My heart shakes,
it rumbles in fear and excitement.
For all it ever wants,
wants to be chased,
wants to be desired,
wants to be opened,
wants to not be given up on.
In its wanting,
he steps a bit further into the fire,
and proclaims his presence.
Asking for my depth.
Asking for my emotion.
Asking for my fire.
And so it is,
that I breathe in.
Just one breath,
just one perhaps.
And answer him in the only way I can,
in this moment.
This perfect moment of our lives.
“As you wish.”
Comes from my lips as we meet once again.
To all those who have loved and lost,
loved deeper than they can ever share,
who have tasted true love and will never settle for anything less than.
To all those who have stood in the goddesses fire,
who have been burned, who have been mesmerized by its flames and desired to conquer it.
To all those who want to feel its ignition,
who believe that they can hold it.
And dance with it.
Much love to you this day.
Open yourselves to love,
as it is what makes you feel alive.
It births your soul into all it desires,
all it needs and can be.
And let yourself be seen.
Stop Existing & Start Living
You say you can hear my smile in my voice.
You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…
It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.
You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.
You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.
You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.
You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.
Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.
So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.
In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.
And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
I feel like your queen.
You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.
To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
You are loved and needed.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Something we long to have,
something we long for other’s to have in us and us in them.
It is given freely and in boat loads at the beginning of a relationship and THEN as time moves forward we break our trust with others and we have our trust broken.
The small little moments when we don’t hold space,
where we choose to not be authentic,
where we mask our feelings,
These all tear away at trust.
Then we have those bigger moments, where trust crashes on the shores of a disaster and we feel ourselves overtaken by the pain of what we believed we had that we quickly discover was misplaced.
One of the most beautiful aspects of life,
providing us with a strength to lean in and embrace all that we crave,
all that we hunger for.
All that we want to be and want to experience.
the surrender of TRUST.
It is a giving of our deepest selves,
and this is why when it is breached it hurts so effing much.
This is why we fear listening to that inner voice,
opening our hearts and revealing ourselves at any depth.
So we starve ourselves.
We keep things at the surface and we do not venture down the rabbit hole of true relationship.
I find myself this morning looking at this word with great love,
with great hatred and fear,
with a reality that for all the trust that I have,
I trust VERY little.
And the message from my SOUL that I aim to share here with you, is that we all have these feelings. We all fear TRUST.
The bigger issue is that we fear trust more with ourselves,
more with GOD than we do with other’s in our life.
The trust that we give or don’t give to other’s is nothing more than a reflection of the trust that we give to ourselves and thus to God.
We are always being met with a reflection of something inside ourselves, and it is the awareness that the reflection is there to serve us, to heal us, to open us and to connect us to ourselves and all that is, IS THE LESSON.
Trust is a main area in which we must awaken to our core issues to alignment.
We want for so much in life.
We desire more abundance, more money, more sex, better health, better relationships, more fun, adventure, opportunity.
Yet we DO NOT TRUST that we are WORTHY of it or that we CAN HAVE IT.
Therefore we consistently look for how it is not showing up.
We manage to lean into self-sabotage when the beauty of all that we want is offered, we find our way home to the comfort of our pain body and we give reason to NOT TRUST or be trustworthy.
It is a two way street.
As everything in life is about relationship.
No matter what we are desiring we are in a relationship with it.
And in order to go deeper into a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP we must be able to trust ourselves and to trust those that are in alignment to us.
This morning I sit here with issues based just in this word.
I write this note from a deep place in my heart and soul. A place that desires to trust but is constantly awakening to the reality that I have challenges in this department.
I have powerful reason’s as to why I should not trust,
why I should not lean in, ‘why I should not offer up my truth.
I feel myself wanting to hide.
Wanting to disregard what I know at my core.
Wanting to act as though the reality of this current moment is something else, when in fact I am being given an opportunity within this problem around trust to see clearer.
To offer compassion.
To offer love so that all can heal.
This requires authentic relating.
This requires INTEGRITY.
Trusts is given freely and in boat loads at the beginning of a relationship.
Then we manage to f-ck it up from all the little and not so little choices that we make.
Within the f-ck up we are given an opportunity to stand in INTEGRITY. And with integrity we open the doorway again to
When we choose to be authentic,
to come clean with ourselves,
and with the relationships in our life,
we access a deeper version of our SOUL.
We embrace our humanness.
We embrace love.
We show God that we trust that we will be held,
and that we can heal.
We open ourselves to MORE.
And here we align to soul.
Here we access our TRUTH.
Here we EXPAND and LIVE.
Anything else is an illusion of the life we create through our fear, through our ego.
Anything else is self-sabotage.
If you want to TRUST, and be trusted, then you MUST at all cost stand in INTEGRITY.
You MUST show up as your authentic self.
And you must EMBRACE your humanness and what you may perceive as flaws as spaces for growth.
TRUST your core.
TRUST your soul.
TRUST your heart.
Stand there, in that meadow.
With SELF first.
Can you look in the mirror and say that you stand in integrity?
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
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But none of this is reason for him to steal my orgasm.
That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.
That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.
And I am in gratitude for it.
I choose to LIVE.
Unbound, free and on purpose.
Stop Existing & Start Living
I know you want someone to hold you close and handle your heart gently, but put love on hold. You don’t need someone to fall asleep beside. Not yet. You can wait for that.
Finding your forever person shouldn’t be your main priority. Finding yourself should come first.
Find out what brings your passionate side to the surface. Find out what stirs the adrenaline that’s been hibernating in your veins. Find out what convinces you to stay up until 3 AM and wake up at 5 AM. Find out what puts the suicidal thoughts to rest and gives you a burst of appreciation for the living.
Find out why the girl in the mirror looks so sad when she’s alone. What does she want? What is she missing? If it’s a who, what type of person would fill the gap where her smile is supposed to be? Is it a best friend that can make her laugh when she only has the impulse to scream? Is it a semi-stranger to drink with to erase the pain? Is it a mystery voice that tells her they believe in her, that they’re proud of her?
Find out what squeezes your heart until it skips a beat. Find out what sends flutters through your spine. Find out what awakens the butterflies in your stomach. Find out what makes the cliches come to life.
Find out who you are and what you want out of this chaotic world, because you’ve only scratched the surface of your cravings. You want a house in the Hamptons, but what will make that house a home? Degrees to hang on the wall, a baby girl, a puppy flopping through the yard? You want a job in journalism, but what are you hoping to gain from it? Aside from money. Aside from security. What is it you’re hoping life blesses you with?
Find out what you want this universe to deliver to you. And don’t be afraid to sound greedy or selfish or unrealistic. Don’t restrain yourself from having oversized fantasies, because you’ll find important pieces of yourself hidden amongst those dreams. You’ll find out what drives you. What type of human you truly are.
Find out what inspires you, motivates you. Find out what gives you the energy to push through on your worst days. Find out what you’re doing here on this earth, because no matter how worthless you feel, you have a purpose. You have a reason you exist — and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You have a lifetime to find your forever person, so find yourself first. You deserve to meet her.
I know that I have many people that I am working with who are coming to a point in their lives and relationships where having and “Open Relationship” has become appealing to them. But there is much concern as to if it is dangerous or not to have this sort of sexual/intimate relating and the main causes of concern are:
I am not going to address all of this here, as this list of concerns is a whole workshop in it’s own. However, I do want to say that I agree with Dan Savage on his comeback and I will state that for the last four years I have been blessed to enjoy a deep loving, authentic relating and sexually open relationship with my two lovers. Both men fulfill me in different aspects. My relationship is unique with each and yet similar.
Last year I opened a channel of communication of allowing each of them to ask me five question’s, they could be any question and I agreed to answer 100% authentically no matter how hard it may be to state my truth. My primary partner Scott asked me, ” Have you ever considered a primary relationship with B?” – My response and the honest truth was, “Yes.” How could I have not? Here is a man I adore and love with my heart, soul and body just as I feel for Scott, I feel for B. Each man pulling to my surface an aspect of myself that without his presence I would not get a chance to explore, heal and love. Each man compliments my internal masculine in a similar but different fashion and allow’s me to be stronger in my divine feminine. Each open’s me and teaches me how to expand my heart, surrender more fully, and accept more gracefully the lead of the divine masculine.
In all honesty, I cannot, nor do I ever wish to imagine or experience my life without each of these gentlemen in it. Do I need either of them? No. I feel strong enough in myself and my path to say that I make the conscious choice each day to open myself to each of them and dance in life with them. It is not a state of need and therefore jealousy does not play a strong role in my relating. I am not with either of them to try and change them into someone that I believe they should be either. Therefore I am able to step away from much of my ego based issues and just enjoy each of them for who they are in the moment and how they each choose to show up in life with me.
As far as sexually transmitted diseases and open relationship’s go, just an FYI that monogamy does not mean security. Many studies have been done in recent years to see if polyamorous people are more likely to catch a sexually transmitted diseases than monogamous people. The stat’s were about equal. But how is this possible if one group of people are only sleeping with the same person and the other group has multiple partners?
Well, here is the truth.
Having an open relationship or multiple partners DOES NOT mean that you love less. It means that you LOVE MORE! This sort of relating when done in a mature, proactive, no ego driven or need fashion can be very healing and a great teacher. Is it for everyone? No. But should it be condemned or stated that such a relationship between 3, 4 or even 5 people cannot last long term? No again. Most monogomous relationships end in divorce after years of fighting, suffering and sexless relating. Do these long term relationships seem successful? If you answered yes then you may need to examine what your view of success is and then ask yourself if they are really examples of unconditional love too. Then look at an open relationship such as Dan Savage and his wife, shared below….
Successful? Unconditionally loving?
Dan Savage’s devastating reply to Helen Fisher
That New York Times story a couple days ago?The Secrets to an Open Marriage According to Mo’Nique?Which quoted the once-respected anthropologist Helen Fisher saying she just somehow knows these things “never end up working long-term”?
Dan Savage just published a takedown:
Dan Savage in 2013
…[Writer Tammy] La Gorce gets a few quotes from someone who comes across as pretty sane about open marriages — Douglas LaBier, a psychologist and the director of the Center for Progressive Development — but La Gorce pretty much hands the rest of the piece over to someone who has clearly lost her mind: Helen Fisher, author, “biological anthropologist at the Kinsey Institute” (RIP Kinsey Institute), and shill for a dating website, where Fisher has been doing important research on the best strategy for getting a second date (take ’em out for sushi) and what it means when a person uses a lot of emojis (they’re horny as fuck).
…Where to start?
With Fisher’s insulting claim to know better than Mo’Nique and Hicks about how the Mo’Nique and Hicks really feel about their marriage? (They only think they’re happy, those deluded human animals!) With Fisher’s yanked-from-her-ass assertions about evolutionary pressures that supposedly endowed all modern humans with genes that allow for just one type of romantic “bond” (only pairs, always sexually exclusive!) and just one successful “mating process” (only pairs, again, and it’s all about the kids!)? With Fisher’s assertion — offered without any data to back it up — that open marriages “never end up working long-term”?
Let’s start with that.
“Just because there is a lack of good data on the longevity of open relationships does not mean that ‘they never work out,'” said Dr. Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University. “Saying ‘they never work out’ goes beyond any data she has; I would ask her to prove it. Where are her data? I know of none to support that.”
Dr. Herbenick has data that contradicts Fisher’s “they never work out” and “all people in non-monogamous couples are secretly miserable” bullshit.
“Similar proportions of men in monogamous and open relationships say they are happy in their relationship and sexually satisfied,” said Dr. Herbenick, citing ACTUAL FUCKING DATA from the IU School of Public Health’s 2014 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. “For women, more women in monogamous relationships say that they are happy in their relationship and sexually satisfied. But that doesn’t mean none are happy or satisfied, as plenty are.”
…On a personal note/anecdote: my husband and I recently celebrated our 21st anniversary and our marriage has been open for 17 of those years. Hey, maybe Terry and I need Helen Fisher to swing by the house and explain to us how we’re really secretly miserable, just like Mo’Nique and Hicks….
Fisher’s bizarre theory of brain adjacency: the chunks of our brainz involved in romantic love are located near the chunks of brainz that “orchestrate” thirst and hunger and that’s why there’s no such thing as a successful open marriage. CASE CLOSED!
That sounded like complete bullshit — and not just to me.
“It is a rather odd claim to say that the reason a phenotypic trait will operate the way it does is because a particular brain region responsible for it is adjacent to other brain regions which do something else,” said Dr. Qazi Rahman, King’s College London. “That kind of model of brain-behaviour relationships would generate all sorts of very odd predictions which most neuroscientists or neuropsychologists would find strange. But then all behaviour and mental activity is ‘in the brain’ and so I’m not clear making these sorts of claims does any useful explanatory work for behavioural scientists.”
“There is an entire network of the brain involved in romantic love,” said Dr. James Pfaus…. [Fisher] doesn’t get it. She has never gotten it. Her view of the brain is a neurochemical phrenology.”
…”I spoke with Helen at a conference once,” a researcher who did not wish to be identified told me in an email. “Helen said there is a single gene that will determine whether a man cheats or not. We carefully explained why this couldn’t be so.”
Fisher, like so many other hacks in the love-and-relationship racket, wants sex and love and marriage to work in a certain way — they insist it only works this one way — and this monogamist bias informs and distorts Fisher’s work.
“I enjoy Helen’s stuff, but think she’s blind to her cultural bias on this one,” said Dr. David Ley. “I’d be interested in whether she truly thinks monogamy ‘works’ long-term, given divorce and infidelity rates. I think the most damaging piece of Fisher’s approach is her generalization of her beliefs to all humans. The valuable thing about modern relationships is the ability to individually negotiate a relationship, based upon each partners’ needs, strengths and deficits.”…