Every woman wants a guy to have a rockin’ resume!
I mean all of us want that night in shining armor.
We want him to be tall, dark and handsome.
We want him to be rich.
We want him to be generous and compassionate.
We want him to be romantic and a good listener.
We want him to be world traveled.
We want him to be intelligent.
We want him to love our bodies as they are.
We want him to love our minds and hearts more.
We want him to just get us.
We want him to be passionate and playful.
We want him to be confident.
We want him to act like a grown up and take care of his responsibilities.
We want him to do everything right in the bedroom.
We want him to be a good kisser.
We want him to appreciate everything that we do.
We want him to respect us.
We want him to worship us.
We want him to be everything that we want him to be and just get it without us ever having to tell him what we want.
I mean if he just paid attention and was present,
if he inquired and asked the right question at the right times,
then he would know.
If he listened then all would be right in the relationship.
That is of course as long as he never pushed us to do or be anything that we did not want to do or be….
And he just accepted what he got for all that grandness that he is offering up.
Now we live in a world where sugar babies, paid hook ups and lies are just a way of relating.
We live in this world where if a woman wants something at work that she pretty much can get it for the right price.
And smart, well educated, go getter women EVERY DAY pay these prices with “respectable” bosses and elite men in power to advance themselves.
How can this be?
How can this be a designer relationship that anyone is happy with?
Its merely based in the man getting a place to stick his junk occasionally and release somewhere outside of the palm of his hand or the toilet and in return for this the woman gets taken care of financially or gains promotions, business advances, networking deals, or simply a monthly payment and some gifts and travel.
Either way its what many relationships for both single and married people are like.
I know many very affluent people who have mistresses of this nature. And I know many married women as well as single women who are gaining power and success in business and finances this way.
And its not even looked down on.
Where I live in North Texas just outside of Dallas,
its almost assumed that if you are a woman in her 20’s or 30’s that you have at least one if not two or three sugar daddy’s supporting your lifestyle, schooling and goals.
It is the sin that is not spoken of,
but is expected if you had an open raw unfiltered conversation with almost any man who makes decent earnings and if you sat with any woman who was “dating.”
That’s why such websites such as whats your price, sugar daddy, seeking arrangements and others of this nature are growing at the levels that they are.
So the question comes,
“What is the turn on to this style of relationship?”
Because obviously it may appear empty of true connection, love, friendship and a desire to be long standing. It is simply based on two people using each other to meet their needs.
Or is it?
Just last night this very topic came up on a double date I was on with a good friend. And as we conversed about it, the statement came around that these sort of relationships may perhaps be great examples of people doing what they “should” be doing no matter the relationship.
In such relationships, people:
* ask for their needs to be met
* set boundaries and non-negotiables
* discuss what the relationship is and what is not
* communicate about what is working and what is not
* keep a certain level of detachment
* lean in and trust the other to meet the proposed agreement
* don’t try and fake who they are or what they are there for
Unlike today’s marriages and committed relationships where both parties typically:
* don’t talk about needs unless they are fighting about them
* don’t understand boundaries and the only non-negotiable that is ever discussed is cheating
* Assume that the other side knows what they want from the relationship and assume they know what their partner wants
* don’t communicate about issues until its too late and therapy is needed, resentment has happened, one or both parties are feeling abandoned, misunderstood
* Think that co-dependency is love
* Have trust issues and use guilt and shame to try and control the other, the relationship and events
* Fake who they are and what they want on the front side of a relationship to get the relationship committed, then end up faking their intimacies with their partner and not willing to be authentic or have their partner be authentic
* Give surface level connection all the while saying they desire depth
Sounds exciting huh?
Yet it’s the truth of relationship in today’s world.
Today’s relationships certainly have their challenges no matter what labels , guidelines they may have set for them.
At the of the day what I want to focus you on is authenticity.
A good relationship is NOT based on that want list that a woman has.
A good relationship is not based on financials and quantity of sex or how adventurous the sex is even.
A good relationship,
a turned on, supportive, loving relationship is based in truth on the list that people who entertain “paid” relationships set.
The most important one being COMMUNICATION.
no matter how difficult it may be,
is the foundation to everything else.
The communication however, needs to be REAL.
And it needs to come from a centered place of KNOWING THY SELF first.
This will provide a level of maturity,
understanding and presence that the majority of people never achieve in their relationships.
But when we offer this sort of authentic relating we can then feel into the who we are even more, grow and expand mentally, emotionally and allow our partners the same.
We limit our expectations.
We speak our needs.
We respect boundaries,
and we take responsibility for our happiness.
Here is the ground to create a successful relationship based in unconditional love and respect instead of ego and need.
How does your relationship ideas, goals and ways of relating line up?
Are you exploring authentic relating or something else?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deet’s on creating an authentic relationship, no matter its current status TODAY.
Why can’t you just be happy for me?
Why can’t you just smile and let me live my life?
Why do you have to always try and fix what you deem broken,
Just perhaps its not broken at all.
I get that your intent is not to slice me to the bone.
I get that you have no concept of the shame, the fear, the lack of worthiness that you trigger each time you aim to fix what you think needs fixing.
But honey beware.
Your words are powerful.
although you do not control me.
Ultimately it is my choice to fall prey to your desire for my brokenness,
be warned that these words you cast upon me and others,
be warned that these judgements,
these criticism’s have power.
And even the strongest in nature,
those of us who rebel from the control,
yes even us can be penetrated after time,
with these words of fear.
As time passes and you search for more weakness in me,
as you look for how you can save me,
your words become like Chinese water torture,
like nails on a chalk board.
They make me cringe,
they set me on defense.
They steal away my ability to feel you.
And now I stand here guarded.
Ready to take my punishment.
Now before I even start to share,
before I take any step forward or to the side,
I already hear your words of criticism,
and I know…
I know that no matter what I do,
no matter how turned on I am to my life,
no matter how much in flow and a state of passion I might be,
no matter the creative genius that wants to stem from my core.
I know that in your eye’s I am broken.
I know that in your mind I need to learn.
I know that you see me as this child,
this silly naive thing that needs your saving,
needs your fixing.
And so why bother?
Why even try and speak my truth?
Why try and do anything,
because I already know.
And so I settle into the average and ordinary.
I settle into the surface level relating.
Depth and being seen is too painful.
I feel stupid.
I feel dumb.
I feel ugly.
I feel unlovable.
I feel like no matter what,
it does not matter,
because I am wrong.
Or I will get it wrong.
Or it will be messed up by my touch,
by my words,
it’s just me.
And I should just not be.
Your criticism enables my scarcity mindset!
You enable me to not step up and be all that I can be.
You enable me to fear my power.
You enable me to fear my creative soul.
You enable me to keep hating myself.
You enable me to see all my lack of worth.
You enable me….
AND FOR WHAT?
Do you really believe that your words of judgement will entice me into becoming more?
Do your really believe that you know my calling,
my heart better than I or God?
Do you think that your need to fix me is inspiring?
Because it is not!
And lucky for me…
I will never listen.
And when I feel these chisels from you to cut me down,
to make me fear,
to make me become logical.
Yes lucky for me,
I am a F-CK YOU!
and I will move away.
I will step back.
I will turn around.
I will not listen.
Instead I will laugh.
you are the lost one.
You are the broken one.
You are the one that needs me.
that you will not ever have.
Because the tribe I run too,
is a tribe that is wild.
A tribe that is free.
A tribe that is supportive through love.
Supportive through the building up.
Through the appreciation.
Yes that is my tribe.
And so I encourage you to stop this ridiculous need of cutting down, and finding fault, of looking for what is broken or wrong.
I encourage you to instead step into your power.
I encourage you to look for what makes you happy with me.
What makes you happy with life.
What makes you happy with you.
Because all this criticism although seeming pointed at me,
it is not I that you actually have issue with,
it is not I that frustrates you so,
it is not I who needs your saving…
But it is YOU.
So look in that mirror my dear.
Look closely in your eye,
and tell yourself something positive.
Then continue to speak those words.
Because what you focus on grows.
I love you.
You are worthy.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deet’s on my Autumn 1:1 Coaching Subscriptions to embrace your poser and be all you can be.
MY INTIMACY SHARE ON CURRENT FAMILY LIFE BLESSINGS- FROM A MOTHERS HEART – WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
Feeling in love this morning as I get ready for the day and the next two weeks of adventure. I am in gratitude for the lessons and experiences of my past,
as without them I would not appreciate that which is with me today in my relationships, lifestyle, and being. It is so obvious to me how easy it is to take things for granted until we are faced with the not having them and sometimes we have to go through great suffering to appreciate that which our heart desires.
The simple little things mean so much.
It’s the smile from your child when they see you walk in the door.
It’s the warm embrace from your partner for no reason.
It’s the kind acts of service, no matter how small that show such care.
It’s the time taken for a conversation without attention to some device.
It’s the snuggling before bed or the good morning kiss.
When Levi makes me breakfast unexpectedly my heart smiles and I feel so blessed.
Every day when Zach chooses to stop in and chat with me before going home, I feel blessed.
When Sam comes and shares her awe over Dameion’s newest milestones or just sits and has a beautiful deep conversation with me about women-hood, I feel blessed.
When Rebekah comes in and shares her latest mommy experience or challenge, or when she just walks up to me and gives me a big hug and say, “I love you., ” I feel blessed.
When Jules asks to go out with me for whatever reason but I can tell she actually needs to just have a moment with mom to share something happening and is uncertain how else to ask for it, I feel blessed.
When Zak Miller, rounds the corner in my house and walks over to me and gives me a big hug before anything else or sits and talks from his beautiful heart, I feel blessed.
When Eniqueo and I tease each other and we laugh, or we compete in love over a good game of darts, I feel blessed.
When Gabe, wakes up in the morning and snuggles next to me and says, “I want you to be my snuggle buddy.” or rushes to help me do something without being asked, I feel blessed.
When Rowan grabs me and hugs so tight I can barely breathe and claims me all for himself, ” My mommy!” or takes my hand and asks me to read him a story and snuggle, I feel blessed.
When Kia, Andrew and J storm in my home and run to me with smiles and big hugs, I feel blessed.
When Dameion looks with his big eye’s up at me while I am feeding him his bottle and smiles while slurping back his milk, I feel blessed.
When Steve stops everything he is doing because he noticed that something was not right with me without me saying anything and gives me a hug or when he does all the little things that are actually big things to take things off my table, I feel blessed.
When I catch that mental snapshot of a moment that is awe inspiring of my family connecting and loving, laughing and being them, I feel blessed.
My life is so crazy busy.
My life has so many beautiful souls,
these that I shared a fragment of what I am blessed by and so many other dear friends and sister/brother souls who just light up my world with them just being in it and choosing to share pieces of their life with me.
It is mornings like this morning,
that I am reminded that life has not always been like this.
Life has always been full,
and there is always drama.
But not that very long ago,
my children wanted to be around me but the energy in our home was not supportive.
The laughter and joy,
the deep connective moments,
the family enviroment,
the thought to another,
the connection between myself and my partner,
the love that I so badly wanted to feel,
it was not there.
It was vacant.
And my heart hurt because of it.
My children suffered for the lack of it.
And my lesson is to never settle for so little of such a valuable thing again.
One of the biggest blessing that our lives can have is the blessing of connection.
The blessing that people,
the people that we cherish want to be with us,
From my blessed mama heart to yours,
appreciate your blessings and put your focus on them.
They are what make life so beautiful.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Been thinking about your happiness and success?
Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
Let’s Make it happen beautiful in work, love and life.
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Only the divine masculine can hold space for a relationship with the divine feminine.
You say that you desire a relationship with a woman.
A woman who knows herself.
A woman who is passionate, turned on and comfortable in her own skin.
You say that you want a woman who will honor and respect you.
You say that you want a woman who is loyal.
A good mother.
A partner in life.
A woman who loves deep,
You say so much dear man.
But what you must realize,
is that this sort of woman that you claim that you desire,
that you state you are holding out for,
that you are searching all the corners of your world for and just cannot seem to find…
Yes this woman.
She will DEMAND the same from you.
She will push your boundaries.
She will command your heart.
She will devour you if you are weak.
She will not settle for anything less than what she wants in a her man.
And this woman.
This woman want a MAN.
Not just any man.
She is strong in herself.
She does not need you to THRIVE or even to survive.
She is comfortable with being alone.
She knows her goals,
knows her heart,
KNOWS HER WORTH.🙌
If you come to her with your school boy ways,
if you come to her with ideas that your manhood is based in your pants or in your bank account,
she may play with you for a bit…💃
she may enjoy the offerings of your services,
but if you do not bring to her the true fruit that she desires and deserves then she will cast you out of her world and continue her pursuit.
This woman that you claim that you have been searching for,
that you have yourself believing is hard to find,
may be sitting right beside you as you read these very words.
But in order to unmask her,
you must be willing.
You must be strong.
You must be in truth of who you are.
Do you know your PURPOSE?
Can you embrace your HEART?
Will you drop your SHIELD?
Will you walk with the stance of a KING?
Or will you continue to cower to this life?
The divine masculine is a masculine on FIRE!🔥🔥🔥
Passionate, Turned On to Life, Fierce, Playful, Confident, Present and On Purpose.
To embrace her you must embody these.
Or let yourself wonder in the jungle of the lost,
who will continue to look for what they will never qualify to call in.
But in turn settle for the false relationships,
the heated moments,
the fleeting pleasures of illusion.
The divine masculine KNOWS that to have this woman that his SOUL craves,
he must first LEAD himself to his path,
and walk it in strength,
and with enthusiasm of what he will discover within himself.
The way to this woman’s heart,
is through your own.
The reveal of your DIVINE MASCULINE,
the answers to your questions,
the desire of having her,
the search of what you want.
Yes sweet man,
until YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE…
until YOU FIND YOUR COURAGE…
until YOU BECOME A LEADER…
until YOU KNOW THE POWER OF YOUR HEART…
You will never entertain her.
For this woman,
she is wild,
free and on purpose.
And only a REAL MAN will dance with her. 💃💃💃
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
I know that you may be scared.
I have been in those shoes before all too many time.
But that fear is not going to stop you.
You are powerful.
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If you are a man or a woman who is looking for a powerful game-changing opportunity to claim the life that you desire in FAITH and learn how you can access your dreams quickly by releasing old programs based in fear and shame around your worthiness, joy and abundance then this 12-weeks is for you.
Stop letting everything be an excuse!
You deserve better than those reasons you have to stay trapped in your comfort bubble of suffering.
Let’s level up your life over summer.
Message me for deet’s or leave a comment here.
TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.
Today is a really interesting day for me.
It marks my one year of one of the most traumatic events I have had happen in a relationship so far. It also marks my one year of a massive transformation period, new growth and opportunity blended with trauma and needed healing.
Today I sit here at Starbucks after dropping my youngest son off to his father ( the man I fell out of relationship a year ago today).
It was brutal to drop him off today.
My heart actually still hurts from this mornings exchange.
Our son age four, ran to the back seat of my car as we pulled into daddy’s driveway and he screamed, “I don’t want to go to daddy’s house.” he got so frustrated, clung to the rear seat with all the force his little body could muster and screamed, “No Mommy.”
I grabbed him up, hugged him. Told him that I loved him and that I would see him later today and then he would be back at mommy’s house on Wednesday. He clung to my neck and fought profusely to hold on to me as his father took him out of my arms.
I never wanted any of this for my baby.
I don’t believe that any of us parents ever want this sort of emotional pain on our children. I don’t believe that my ex desires this trauma to come up on our son either.
And yet it still falls here.
Today, I find myself sitting here upset at my son’s pain.
Wishing I could do more for him.
Wishing that us adults who have brought this on him could have communicated better about what we wanted from each other and how we wanted out of our relationship before it came to violence as it did and a nasty, terrorizing breakup that will last a life time for our children emotionally not to mention the physical repercussions that are still being dealt with for myself.
I sit here still wondering how I could not have realized more so as to where my ex was at.
Wondering why he had to act out in violence and rage the way he did one year ago today.
Why it was so important for him to push me and all the children away with such extreme measures.
Why could he just not simply say that he wanted out and we move onto separate paths in peace and harmony, working together for the greatest good of all the children and each other.
I knew he was unhappy in our relationship.
I knew he wanted out.
He did not even desire to want to spend 30 minutes a week with me alone even though this had become a consistent request and desire of mine. He could not stomach to sit by me and watch TV, he wanted nothing to do with cuddling or sex that was two sided, only wanted to get off and be done. Would roll away in disgust after pushing me away like trash after he had reached climax.
He became rageful with friends and emotionally and physically aggressive toward his step-children. He was hateful and I told myself that he was stressed about work, money, health, anything but the truth was what I proclaimed.
The signs were there.
They were in front of my blind eyes and desire to make it all work for us.
The more committed I became to our relationship and requested time and connection,
the more he pushed away in anger.
a year later I see the truth.
I see his pattern that he had to enforce.
I see the pain that he must be in.
And I am grateful that even though that was a brutal time and experience,
even though there is still much healing that needs done for self and children.
I am grateful that I never lost who I was,
I never lost love,
I never lost my family or friends,
and I can do the healing and I understand at a deep level the power of emotions,
the importance of knowing self and NOT hiding from myself and feelings.
I am grateful that I was given a powerful opportunity last year to stand up and be 100% me.
The last year has offered me so many blessings that would have never come about had he not caved to his patterns and needs to push love away, to push so hard that he was the one to be abandoned in the experience by everyone. To repeat the trauma from his youth. And to create an experience that supported his belief that the feminine always leaves him.
I see now how he had to push that hard.
I am too stubborn to leave when I still love.
I believed it could be fixed,
I believed that he was not lying when he said that he loved me more than anyone else.
I strangely believed in us and in him.
today I stand in gratitude for the 7 years of learning,
of experience and growth,
for the birth of my two youngest angels that i would not trade for anything.
Today I stand here in gratitude for his push.
Busted up body and everything,
it was worth it.
Because I found my true strength.
I found my heart.
And tapped into allowing myself, to be me without needing another.
There is great beauty in the darkest of clouds if you allow yourself to see it and you allow time to step you back far enough to see the whole sky and it’s beauty.
Life is one BIG TRUST EXERCISE.
I am reminded of the trust and faith that I had to muster up at one of my lowest, scariest points in life so far.
Today, I choose to focus on that reminder.
To focus on the gratitude and the opportunities that have come from this event, like any event in our lives.
Today I choose to look at my blessed life.
The steady massive love that I experience from family, friends and the wonderful man I have in my life currently.
The AMAZING tribe that I have developed and all the growth that I am seeing in my business and life.
The wealth of connection, joy and the laughter that resides in my home daily that was not there a year ago or before.
My creativity at an all time high.
The beauty and bounty that is in each step on this journey.
Today I want to say THANK YOU to the man that tossed me to the side last year, who tried to destroy me and all that we had built together.
From that rubble grew a rose garden.
MY ROSE GARDEN.
Thank you for my pain.
Thank you for my suffering.
Thank you for the trauma.
Thank you for the goodbye.
I am so effing happy with my life TODAY!
My question to you that I share this with today is,
what are you doing with your trauma, drama and pain? Does it hold you back or build you up?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.
I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.
But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.
Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.
Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.
What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?
You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.