AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART…JUST LIKE THAT.
AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART… JUST LIKE THAT.
He grabbed me,
kissed me and pushed me back onto the bed.
I was rambling on and on about my frustration,
my anger. Lost in thought and the mind.
I was distant from him.
Distant from me.
And lost beyond measure.
I could not feel my heart,
in truth I did not even want to right then.
I had been triggered and I was pissed.
Not at him.
At life in general.
My flow had been disrupted,
I had allowed it to happen and I was out of control of my life in that instant. The chaos of kids, work, house and family stirred around me and I just wanted solitude and peace but had no way of obtaining it because inside I was a storm that I had not even slowed to recognize.
And that was what he did.
He slowed me.
He grabbed a hold of me and led me back to my heart.
That space that I was forced into feeling my truth.
That space where I knew I was not alone in this world,
that space where he was not going to let me run from him, from us, from me.
And he passionately took hold of me there.
He moved with clarity, direction and determination.
I tried to fight his lead.
My mouth was rambling, but he kissed me and would not take my ego based words.
I pushed up against him and ran from feeling him physically, mentally, emotionally.
But he tore off my clothes and laid me naked, vulnerable before him. Devouring my flesh like a hungry wild animal and forcing me to come back to him.
Pressing himself into me,
not letting me go.
I fought with myself to feel.
I fought with the urge to physically stop his love at that moment.
Where days before I found myself lost in a trance of our eyes gazing during our sexing, here I lay closing my eyes and wanting to hide.
Hiding from the reveal of my soul.
Hiding from my pain in feeling lost and angry.
Hiding by throwing up my armour and not allowing myself to feel.
Not allowing his intensity to penetrate my core.
My armour was weakening.
And tears fell.
My chest became tense as I attempted to hold back my breaking,
the cracking of my armour, the cracking of my heart and the desire to fully open to his touch, his kiss, his presence, his love.
His breath softly moving across my breast,
my heart beat instensing,
I could feel him.
As I came back to him,
back to us,
back me,
he let out the affirming words of, “Yes. yes.yes.”
I knew that he too felt me dropping.
Felt me feeling him.
And as I laid down my armour my pleasure arose.
with mine his came too.
And I was drawn in.
I was seen.
I was held.
I was fulfilled.
And my trust grew.
————————————————————————–
This is the taking of the feminine that the masculine must learn.
It is in deep love and devotion.
It is in divine leadership and surrender all the saame,
and it is based in soul consciousness.
Often mistaken for control or for a desire to have one’s way,
the difference is in the emotional investment in the moment, in the relationship and the centeredness in self.
The masculine is meant to lead the femeine home to her heart.
And it is the masculine that must remain strong in these moments, strong in love. Not cowering to the feminines fires but standing firm in who they are and in their purpose beyond their mate, beyond their fear or ego or desire to control her fires, but in turn they must handle her with care and passion, clarity and direction. She must feel his leadership as well as his surrender to his own heart to be able to trust him to lead her back to her own.
This is the dance.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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TATTOOS, GUNS, TENSED MUSCLES… THE SECRET TO DESIRE.
YOUR INTIMACY AND CONNECTION IS LESSENED BECAUSE YOU NEGLECT PLAY…
A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…
A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…
I am sitting here this cold dreary day in North Texas in total utmost gratitude for all those men that have graced my life with their energy, time, connection, sex and more.
Those men that I have laid in bed with enjoying what seemed like endless pillow talk, laughter and life shares.
Those men that made my heart sink from the loss of their presence in mine.
And for those men that infuriated me, made me feel crazy, were narcissistic, power hungry control freaks but also made me laugh and believe in the moment.
The men who caused me bodily harm.
The men who tried to destroy my dreams, my relationships and my self-esteem.
Yes to all these masculine, I give thanks and honor.
For without them I would not know what I want today in a man, in a life partner.
I would not be aware of my worthiness.
I would not be woken to my greatness as a woman.
And without these men,
I would continue on a path of dancing with “betweeners.”
First let me explain what I mean by “betweener.”
BETWEENER: A relationship that you know is not long lasting or “the one” but you choose to play with for a certain period of time while you figure your shiz out.
Betweener relationships help us heal.
They help us clarify what we want and need in a relationship.
They are educators.
And we ALWAYS, yes always know that they are between “real” relationships because there is something, just something that just does not fit.
Often this comes up in the feelings of:
*not being able to fully commit
*a nagging sense that they are not 100% with you
*insecurity in the relationship
*lack of turn on or passion
*our bodies will act shut down sexually
*we won’t feel safe stating our truth or just doing us
*there is a feeling of this is short term, a second guessing
These are betweener relationships.
Anytime, we know that we are not ready or able to jump into the deep end with someone, then we should get real with ourselves that we are not really aligned to this other person either for a lifemate sorta situation.
Often betweener relationships are lower vibration relationships.
Meaning that we call them into our relationship experience when we are wounded, heart broken or feeling lost in our lives, in who we are as individuals.
They are relationships asking us to accept less than what our heart and soul is desiring for and that most certainly reveals itself in the heart centered connection that we DO NOT have with a betweener.
But thank goodness for these relationships.
No matter how long they last for,
some we end up marrying,
some we date off and on for years,
and some are just flashes in the pan.
However, all of them bring forth great beauty and lessons to us if we so choose to receive them as such.
Knowing that we are co-creators to our reality and life experiences,
taking the responsibility for just that can allow us as individuals to see why each of these people walked into our lives when they did.
Perhaps they were there to help us get firm in a boundary.
Maybe they were there showing us such great beauty and love so that when our soulmate manifested that we could recognize them with greater ease.
Some betweeners, ask us to speak up louder, shine brighter or see our ego’s in more light.
Others ask us to learn how to guard our hearts and honor our truth with self-compassion and respect.
No matter the lesson.
They are powerful educators.
And today I just want to applaud all the “betweeners’ ‘ of my life,
because thanks to you bloaks I know who I am and what I want in a man.
Thanks to you I have done the clarifying of my heart’s desire and learned to slow down and listen with my heart and my intuition.
Which is exactly how we avoid betweeners and recognize “the one” that is right for us.
That soulmate love.
Loving you from this overcast day in Texas.
Remember that you are worthy of a great love.
A true connection of heart, mind, body and soul.
And to have that,
you MUST LISTEN to your Soul GPS.
Your heart and stop disregarding its directional offerings because you fear a life of being alone.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
And Queens who want a Conscious Man 🙂
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WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU.
WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU.
I make love to me as well.
You open me to depths of my soul that no other has even come close.
I witness my joy,
my warmth,
my desire,
all in your arms,
and I feel carried in your presence.
As you look at me,
with eyes on fire with passion and admiration,
I feel the sweetness of your heart,
as well as its hunger.
When my breasts touch your chest,
and you pull me closer,
I feel decades passing through us.
There is no time nor space,
it is but only the here and now.
As you enter my body with yours,
I breathe deep with anticipation,
I feel athirst for your nectors that feed my soul.
My chest expands as I surrender,
softly, fiercely,
at your hand,
I am breathless with your touch.
My eagerness to be taken by you is never ending.
My body aches and yearns for your devouring.
And as you breathe,
my flesh tingles,
my mouth waters,
and I am wet.
I am now the ravenous one.
And you are my home.
————————————————————————-
To all my followers who crave a relationship, a love that penetrates them to their core.
Yearning for the entwinement with “the one” that twin soul, that soulmate, that knows you beyond words or life memories of this time.
These are the images, the feelings and vibrations that we were born to expereince and we are in search for in our love, in our sex, in our relating. We do not hunger for surface level, superficial relationships, no matter how often we choose to settle for them.
What we desire is the fulfillment of what we know is our home.
And you my dear follower/reader can have just this.
But how you may wonder?
If you currently are not looking into the eyes of home, ‘then how can you call that sort of love in?
It’s all about authenticity and integrity with self.
It’s all about loving self beyond your darkness and mistakes.
It’s all about KNOWING that YOU ARE WORTHY,
worthy of this connection.
And in these things your vibrations will meet.
And you too my dear will experience home.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
2020 was a nasty year for relationships.
Couples and singles alike.
Hard to meet new people.
Difficult to do anything with your current partner.
The stress and worry exhausted many relationships,
and I am here to share with you that 2021 does not have to be the same.
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IT COULD HAVE BEEN EASIER.
IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.
IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.
If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.
If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.
If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.
If you ever loved me you would want to share.
If you ever loved me you would give me closure.
If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.
And so many other if you ever statements.
Boy, oh boy do I ever understand the pain of loss.
The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.
I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,
when our beautiful plans seize to exist,
and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.
How can this other person who loves us,
or at least proclaimed that they did,
or at very least said that they cared,
just walk away?
How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?
Don’t they care?
And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.
And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,
and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.
Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.
It just cannot be so.
It certainly is not fair or right,
and we don’t have it coming to us.
Right?
I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?
“THAT” other person made those decisions,
acted that way, said those things and lied to us,
after all. We would not bring this upon ourselves.
Well I can tell you this beautiful,
YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.
One of two things happened.
Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.
Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.
So which direction did you go?
This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.
If you love yourself that is.
And so many people just don’t.
Hope that this is not you though.
You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,
your feelings and your actions.
If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.
A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.
Yep I said that.
Gratitude for the break up,
because they see its purpose.
However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.
They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.
They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.
They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.
A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.
A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”
So you see beautiful,
It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.
It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you understand how powerful you are.
Because you are powerful.
You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.
Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.
You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.
It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.
$1.4 MILLION AND YOU STILL DON’T VALUE IT!
A HEART COST $1.4 MILLION DOLLARS UNINSTALLED AND WITH ZERO ROOM AND BOARD.
And yet we don’t value them. We deny our hearts every f-cking day!And that is the sad truth.
Now you can say, well that heart that costs so much is because its primary function is to keep us alive and sometimes you need a new one to keep you going. Living is worth that much and more.
Yes living is worth that much and more. However, you are most likely not living. You are instead at best just getting by, surviving. And you are calling it living. Because while that heart of yours is beating you take it and this day for granted. Don’t you?
Let’s get serious.
You don’t even realize that you don’t value your heart. You think that it is serving its purpose just by beating and keeping the blood pumping through your veins.
But in truth…you are abusing it. You are not listening to it. You are actually denying it.You avoid it. You run from it. And you do it all in the name of “logic.”
Society and your upbringing hijacked your heart from you and you have bought it hook line and sinker ( big on the sinker part too) that you are to NOT LISTEN to your MF heart.
And then you wonder why sh*t don’t work out for you. Why you feel lost. Why you are never really happy. You may have fleeting moments of happiness, but you don’t really sink all the way into it do you. You may feel good here and there, but your “good days” require outside sources to act and do certain things. You don’t legitimately feel damn good.
Now you may tell a little lie here, I get it, you don’t want to actually surrender to the truth of your reality that you have allowed yourself to get a bit f-cked up through life. You want to feel like you are in control or perhaps that you are not in control, that life has caused all of this and you were not on board with it, but those are the cards that were dealt to you and you are doing the best you can with what you got.
The reality is that you are in control. You have allowed yourself to lose your heart. You may have not known that you were allowing it, you may have thought that it is just the way life is, you may have actually believed that if you listened to your heart that it would make you weak, lost or feeling stupid in someway. That it was not a good source of wisdom.
The opposite is true.
It is your GPS.
It is your path.
And it is far more valuable than $1.4 million.
It is worth EVERY F-CKING THING.
But you still don’t get it.
You still believe that it’s too dangerous to follow,
too uncertain to trust.
You still believe that it will get you into trouble and cause you pain and suffering,
because you “think” that those past painful events that you have lived through,
that some if not all of them were actually caused by your hearts poor judgment.
And so you deny it still.
And you have chosen to sit in agony for the rest of your days, avoiding life.
Turning away from bliss and joy, surrender to love and having all that you want for.
It’s sad.
Truly it is that so many choose this path of not discovering themselves.
And that is what the heart is all about.
Discovery of your truth.
It is your source of alignment to self,
to God.
It is through the soft words of our hearts and guidance that we can be led to everything.
It is said,
“The heart wants what the heart wants.”
And that is true.
It wants your joy.
But you must be willing to surrender to it.
To be unveiled and willing to drop your armour and feel.
It demands us to feel all of life,
the perceived good and bad.
Because it is through these things that we gain clarity and certainty in what our hearts crave.
Clarity.
Did you hear that?
Clarity, which is key to living a f-ck yes life,
key to having the love, the money, the well being that you speak of wanting.
You can strive for it through logic all your days,
and you can touch on it here and there,
but will never be able to maintain and keep it with joy without your heart.
You will find yourself struggling.
Fighting with others and self,
feeling lost and unseen,
while you fight to avoid what your heart already knows.
And this will be your ultimate suffering.
Not knowing the self.
Not living from alignment.
Not feeling life move through.
So what do you choose beautiful?
What will it be?
Continuing to live by other ideas, perceptions and judgement of who you are and what you should or should do or be?
Continue fearing the decisions that you make and what direction is best?
Continue wondering if you will ever be happy?
Or FINALLY surrendering to your divine GPS known as your heart.
Making it the most valuable tool that God has ever given you?
It’s time beautiful to acknowledge your truth, your power and your joy.
It’s time to say F-ck Yes! to your heart.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to make 2021 a year of living your truth?
Reach out to me to discover the path to alignment to who you really are and tapping into your power now.
MY DADDY EARL JUST LOVES IT WHEN I PRAY, YA’LL.
MY DADDY EARL JUST LOVES IT WHEN I PRAY, YA’LL.
I get down on my knees before him and he praises God at the sight of it. Every time he pops his lips I know exactly what he wants from me. I lick my lips and start to hum him the song of an angel.
I love how he gets so passionate at my hummin’.
Sometimes he will even grab a hold of my pigtails and shake full of the holy ghost moving through him. He tells me that when the holy ghost moves through him that it is his favorite thing and only my hummin’ can make it happen.
I love making him shake in spirit like that.
Makes me feel so good inside.
————————————————————————-
Yeppers folks.
I went there.
If you missed my livestream on this then maybe you need to go explore it.
Or maybe not…
Not if you are a prude that is.
Please don’t, I do not want to hear it from you in that case or have you rolling your eyes at my crazy.
You know it was not that long ago that I would have freaked the
f-ck out about playing games like this with my lover.
I would have been too caught up in my own bullsh*t to have fun.
I would have believed that my partner would not like me if I pretended to play like this.
I mean sex is serious.
Relationships are serious.
LOL… not good sex and relationship.
Sure there is some seriousness in there, of course,
but if you are not laughing, finding yourself feeling youthful, full of desire and thirst for fun then I can tell you that your relationship and sex are getting ready to flatline if they have not already.
I have worked with so many hundreds of couples through the last decade as a relationship coach and the one thing that I am always sharing with them is how important PLAY is in the relationship.
Playfulness inside and outside of the bedroom or wherever you are doing the nasty at…
Adventure dates.
More than just dinner and a movie.
Get creative, learn something new together.
Get a little edgy, make your heart flutter like it was your first kiss all over again.
Do things that you typically would not think to be a date even.
Some of my favorite dates and sexual experiences did not cost a fortune. They did not take place in traditional ways.
But instead they revealed to me my lovers desire, joy, inner child and explorer. They created a space for each of us to explore ourselves and each other in ways that we had not yet.
One time I was told to meet my lover at a gas station. I did so and he filled up my car, then told me to drive next door and give my keys to the man at the detail shop. I did so. He followed me and picked me up there. I got into his car, he blind folded me, kissed me passionately and asked if I was ready for a little fun adventure.
I said yes.
He said okay we got 90 minutes.
Next thing I knew he handed me a glass of my favorite chardonnay in a togo wine glass. I took a few sips and he took it from me replacing it with some glass yoni eggs and told me to insert them and do some squeezes.
I did so.
Then he handed me a little bullet vibrator and told me to insert that.
And so I did.
There I sat, eggs vibrating in my vagina, wine back in hand, blindfolded in his car as he drove around a parking lot a bit to make sure I had no clue what direction we were headed next.
From there he took me to lunch.
He parked the car,
came around my side and got me out, blindfold still on.
Walked me into a busy restaurant and told me to walk up to the nice man at the register and tell her I wanted the special.
ANd so I took a deep breath and did so.
As I did this I could hear all the people passing me by, talking about what was going on, wondering what we were doing, snickering. I could feel their eyes even though I could not see them. I had to face myself.
I had to face my own ego at this moment.
My lover took my hand and arm and walked me to a table where he sat me down, got me some more wine, helped me sip it and then he proceeded to feed me lunch while I sat there helpless and blindfolded.
Once done he walked me back to the car,
got me buckled in and took me off to….
Dessert of course. 🙂
He parked again,
walked me into a cold and strange smelling place.
Told me to ask the nice man at the register for the special, and so I did.
The man handed me a waffle cone with my favorite ice cream in it.
My lover took me back to the car, got me buckled and drove around in circles some more.
The sun would hit me in the eye’s every now and then and I found myself wanting for the next moment of surprise.
Sure enough he stopped the car.
Got me out but before doing so, took my shoes off.
As I got out I found myself standing on something wet and cool, he asked if I knew where I was, but I did not.
Then I got back in the car.
From there he drove a distance, the road changed from paved to dirt. And he parked.
He came around and got me out of the car, still barefoot.
He walked me through some grass, up and over a wood bridge of some sort and into a closed in space that felt like it was out in the middle of a field. Here is bound my wrists, kissed me some more and began to touch me passionately.
Before I knew it he was laying me down on a blow up mattress that was out here in this building we were in.
He removed my clothes, kissed my body with hunger.
My excitement grew.
I was trying to figure out where we were,
I could feel a breeze by my feet and my head at the same time, yet I was in some enclosed structure. As I scooted up the bed some and he proceeded to go down on me, my bound arms lifted above my head to only find themselves in some bushes and grass right there.
Where was I?
He devoured me.
He made passionate primal love to me.
It was heated and intense.
Once done, he grabbed me, stood me up, dressed me, walked me back to his car, unbound me wrists but kept the blindfold on.
Got me in the car, handed me my wine and then we drove off.
Before I knew it he was parking.
He leaned in, kissed me, told me he loved me and hoped that I enjoyed our adventure as he took off my blindfold.
There I was parked behind my now detailed and fully cleaned and gassed up car.
90 minutes after the time I had dropped it off.
He wished me a great afternoon and got me my car keys.
To this day I do not know all the details of this adventure.
But what I do know is how much I loved it.
How I will cherish that moment in time forever.
How I accessed a deeper level of myself, of my sex and of that relationship in that moment.
It was vulnerable.
It was intimate.
It was connective.
It required trust on both sides.
It was playful and it brought us both great joy.
And what did it take?
Well we will never know because he ain’t tellin’
but what it ultimately took was CREATIVITY and DESIRE TO PLAY.
And that is the point to this whole tale and to my livestream earlier.
In relationship we grow tired and bored of our sex and of each other because we forget how to court.
We forget how to play, to laugh and be joyous in our sex and relationship and therefore it all gets tiring and old.
Like a chewed up piece of gum that lost its flavor years ago.
But it does not have to be like that.
You can have a dynamic connective deep relationship if you will simply allow yourself to get real and raw,
to be seen and to enjoy.
Stop taking your sex so damn seriously.
Instead start enjoying your flesh, your partner’s flesh.
Your laugh and their laugh.
Get a little edgy with each other.
Discuss things you would like to explore and try.
Start to believe that you can be creative,
that you do have the time,
and that it does not have to take an arm and a leg to create spectacular events for the one you love.
It’s time to level up your love.
It’s time to stop accepting boring as your normal in your sex and relationship.
It’s time to get down and dirty and play in the sandbox together.
Seriously.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim that F-ck Yes! Relationship with your partner?
Ready to stop settling for boring as your norm?
I sure AF hope so! Cuz’ you are worthy of so much more and so is your relationship and sex.
Reach out to me today to learn the secrets of a playful turned on relationship.
WATCH THE LIVESTREAM HERE NOW!