THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS! 🤯🤯🤯
Hating on self?
Or maybe you say that you don’t hate yourself.
You don’t dislike yourself even,
you are just frustrated.
Down on self because you are not feeling great in your skin.
And I get it.
I truly do.
We all go through these times.
And hey here is a little secret for you….🤫
I am currently in one of those moments in life where I am a bit down on myself. I am not in this moment in love with my body.
I am not in love with how I am feeling in my own skin,
and I am having issues looking myself in the mirror.
and even feeling sexy.
I sorta feel a bit grossed out by myself.
The way I got here is not really important.
And that is a tough concept to get through our human minds,
because we want to have our reasons, we want to analyze and figure out the reason behind the problem.
But that will never get the solving that we desire of the problem.
Because we are stating that we have a problem to begin with instead of just letting go of all this self-judgement and turning back to our truth.
Now it is important to be aware of habit changes,
of sabotaging thing that we have introduced into our lives,
into our thoughts and emotions,
that may be contributing to the support of this self-disgust.
The reality is that you can say that you love yourself all damn day long but if you are not loving your body enough to get it moving and consuming healthy foods, staying hydrated and getting enough sleep,
plus if you are choosing to stay in toxic relationship that are not feeding your heart and soul,
and you are not leaning into YOU…
then you simply are lieing your f-cking ass off to yourself about loving yourself.
You have to fall in love with yourself.
You have to own up to your power and stop making yourself so damn small.
Stop fearing the impressive, expansive person that YOU ARE.
And that my love is why you are so full of this yuckiness to yourself.
👉The reason that you don’t like yourself is because you’re not up to speed with yourself. 🛸🤯💃
You got that love?
YOU WERE BORN TO BE MARVELOUS.
You were created powerful, worthy and came into this world knowing such,
but it got stolen from you by the “good” lessons that your parents and the adults in your life taught you,
what society and school/church showed you,
and you started to believe that you were not powerful, worthy and abundant.
You started to believe that your light was dim.
and this means that you let go of being marvelous.
And that my dear was YOU.
So now the absence of you, really sucks!
It really does not have you feeling your best.
You are struggling to look into the mirror or make eye contact.
You are feeling frumpy and negative,
hating on your fleshy suit and hating on who you have allowed yourself to become.
When the answer to your problem…
if you want to call it that…
cause us humans love to solve problems, right?
Is that the reason that you are not liking yourself,
let alone in love with yourself ( an me too here),
is because you’re not ALLOWING yourself to be yourself.
You have cast your truth out.
And you sit back in your disgust over who you are right now,
and you maintain powerful focus on what needs to change, needs fixed, where you f-cked it all up at.
The worst thing that you can do though is just this.
Holding yourself in focus and finding a critical thought about you.
Because that action,
that manifestation that you are creating,
TAKES YOU AWAY FROM WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
And you are powerful AF!
You are deserving.
You are beautiful and strong.
You are courageous and loving.
You are intuitive and caring.
You are worthy and abundant.
That is who you are.
That is what you are to be living, RIGHT NOW!
And it is up to only you love to take yourself from this absence of self and get the f-ck lined back up.
Synchronize to your TRUTH.
Here is where you will fall in love with you and become mesmerized by staring into your own eyes,
lost in the sea of you.
You will be captivated at your heart and your beauty and you will not just think that you are worthy,
you will KNOW without a doubt that you are,
because your soul knows.
Your souls never has questioned your worthiness or your power.
That is why you are feeling so bad love,
because you are questioning what your soul deeply is certain of.
And when you come back to YOU and who YOU REALLY ARE,
well that is when whatever the problems you are having with your body and life right now, will just wash away with ease.
Time to start loving on the most important person in your world wouldn’t you say?
And STOP trying to be all this or that for everyone else that is not you.
With all my love, beautiful.
Remember Who You Are.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know more about living an abundant life?
Want to know the secrets to overcoming these little obstacles that can turn into mountains if left in the corners of our minds and rustling around in our energy? Reach out to me about my Asskickery Month of Private 1:1 Global Coaching now, where I will share with you how to overcome and have success in one subject area of your life in the next 4 to 6 weeks.
LOVE SHOULD BE PERFECT.
And yet it never is.
A long time ago when I was living in Seattle, Washington I was attending a church in Kent with a pastor that I adored. I learned so much from Pastor Jack. He was focused on teaching the congregation about blessings, about our glory and how that translated into the law of attraction.
I still make use of his teachings today with my clients almost daily and in my shares here with you as well.
Among my favorite things he shared were,
“More than enough with plenty left over.”
Which always commanded in the belief and feeling that we are always provided for,
that we always have more than enough in the things that we need with plenty left to share.
And that the leftovers are there for us to do just that …..SHARE.
And then his other reminder of truth that I have kept in my heart and mind all these years was focused toward relationships….
The relationship of marriage.
And in today’s world,
which even though greatly different than that of just 15 years ago when Pastor Jack was preaching his wisdom to me,
is still all the same.
His words of truth were simple.
“Marry your best friend.”
Those words made me look at my marriage,
and perhaps were words that supported me to divorce a few years later. Although back then I would have felt the need to confirm that I was best friends with my then husband,
the reality was not that we were best friends.
We got along on a ton of items,
but I found that I had to restrict myself in so many ways,
and that was not friendship,
and certainly not best friends.
When I am working with couples today in my coaching practice many come to me troubled and on the cusp of a breaking up because of so many things…
*Not enough sex or bad sex.
*Abuse of one kind or another.
*Lack of sexual desire.
And most couples will start off their tale by telling me that they are best friends with their spouse,
that they can tell them anything,
that they have fantastic communication.
fill in the blank from above list here.
They believe that if they had more sex/better sex or a stronger desire for their partner,
if they were physically attracted more to them,
if they had more money in the bank,
or what have you that their marriage would be perfect.
Now the reality is that if you are in an abusive relationship ( no matter what that looks like) that chances are you need to get out of it because an abusive partner often does not see their wrong and change,
if you are in a relationship that has suffered from infidelity,
There can be work done and you can repair it and even come back stronger than ever before if love and communication/friendship is at the front stage of both parties minds.
The desire for more sex, better sex or having more desire for your partner… .these things can be detrimental if the friendship and love are not there first and if both parties are not open to raw, real discussions based in truth and love to work on these challeneges,
but if both parties are wanting the connection and can be emotionally mature to take responsibility for self and speak their truth and work together on these items,
then you can have a deeply strong bond and the sex and desire can grow from it.
The relationships that come to me wanting these things,
often have one MAJOR obstacle however…
One partner is stubborn and refuses to see the truth.
Refuses to take the matter seriously or take the time and effort required to build this part of the relationship. They don’t believe that it is their problem and that the other partner is to blame for it and needs the fixing.
However that is never the case.
Relationships are always a two way street.
It always requires both people to want to connect and come together. It requires both parties to take responsibility for themselves and to not get caught up in their old wounds from the past.
Unfortunately, this is where the relationship breaks down.
People often don’t want to do this.
They want the easy street and they say,
“Love should be easy.”
“Love should be perfect.”
We are all human.
And there is no such thing as the perfect human.
If you have a list of fifty qualities that you want and count highly important in a mate,
and you believe that you will get ALL of these qualities in one person and until you get them all that you will not settle,
I ask you to look in the mirror and ask of yourself if you exhibit all fifty of them yourself?
You are never going to find someone who is 100% of those qualities a hundred percent of the time.
They are human.
You are human.
And life changes and transforms us.
Some qualities can be developed over time.
Some are just there and a natural part of who we are,
some are based on energetic connections,
while others have everything to do with our gene pool.
If you are counting any of these qualities as love though,
you are mistaken.
Qualities do not define love.
They add to love.
They sweeten the pot.
Love is something that you cannot explain,
nor does it need to be explained.
It just is.
And when it is felt on both sides now you have something special.
LOVE COMES FROM BEING ABLE TO BE YOURSELF WITH SOMEONE ELSE, UNMASKED.
When we can do this with someone,
we feel acceptance and love for self and it translates to “loving someone else” because we see the reflection of what we are feeling for self as what we see coming or going toward another.
When we “fall in love” or catch feels for someone,
what is actually happening is that we are witnessing ourselves in love. We are falling in love with self and this other person is simply helping us see our own beauty.
That is why the best friend statement is so powerful.
In friendship there is an acceptance, an unconditional love.
It goes past all that life can change for us,
like our physical bodies appearance,
our health or financial status,
it looks past our ups and downs and even past the chemical connectors that we have on the front side of a romantic relationship that over the course of three to five years diminish and change.
But for some reason, we humans believe that love should be perfect.
That these connecting chemicals should ALWAYS be there,
that the energy and excitement of the first kiss is the way that we will remain throughout all of time,
that the person who is standing before us perfect in their skin of today will never change,
that the feelings that we are having will just remain unwavering.
Or that if we do not have all these sudden rushes of ignition but that we do deeply care and connect in all other ways that this is not or cannot be real love.
That it is “ONLY FRIENDSHIP” and we in turn lower it to that level and get frustrated that we cannot find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect that checks all of our boxes on our list of fifty all of the time.
And so we remain living in search of something that has been offered to us repeatedly. Believing that if we explore,
if we open ourselves to the love that is there before us and go as deep as we can with it that we are settling,
we are giving up,
that if they don’t have everything that they are not Mr. or Mrs. Perfect and instead are a waste of our precious time.
What we are doing to ourselves in this is denying ourselves the beauty of discovery of love.
Love is a quest of self.
Love is about finding out who we really are through our relating with another.
It is about meeting all aspects of self,
and without relationship we will never meet our authentic selves at any depth.
When we continue to look for perfection in a mate,
What we are actually saying is that we ourselves are not worthy of our own love until we become PERFECT as well.
So how will you ever find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect if you prevent yourself from growing into your whole beautiful self by denying love to be birthed through a relationship with another imperfect human who is there as your teacher of self love?
Chances are your relationship with anyone will not last in a forever sense.
That reality although harsh is still a reality.
We outgrow each other,
and as we change sometimes our mates choose a path of slower or limited growth that creates a breaking point in the relationship,
but if we have come together in friendship and love,
then even the parting is done in the same fashion.
And we each can gain what we need for our own development.
It’s time that we start to view relationships and even marriage as the opportunity to explore self and learn to love deeply through the witnessing of another that rivets us deeper into our truth.
Love is always perfect.
It is always perfect for the moment that the relationship is in.
It is never easy,
but it can always be in flow with who we are.
We create our own obstacles to feeling it by trying to make it perfect in every moment and getting irritated with the reality that love, true love requires each party to grow in connection with self first.
Where does your love stand?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how self-love helps create the grounds to call in your soulmate love today? Reach out to me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.
One of those days when my energy goes to left field…
Or maybe it’s right field.
Or maybe right at the pitcher.
It’s always interesting though on days like this where I feel the arousal of life moving through me,
I feel the hunger to devour every moment,
and the tugs of the past that will always sway around in my soul, reminding me of what I thirst still for.
On days like today,
the universe is quick to remind me of my energetic connections,
of how those fleeting yet powerful thoughts evoke response,
and how quick I can manifest many opportunities into my life to experience everything that I am thirsting for.
This quenching comes through multiple sources however,
and me being human just like you want it the way I want it and all in one package.
Even though I fully understand, appreciate and even value the multiple packages that can show up in my life,
There are some things that I crave for that I JUST WANT IN THE WAY I WANT.
And I know without a doubt that I can have them too.
I have tasted of these delicacies before.
I have been overtaken by the depth of fulfillment that can be experienced all from one source.
And it is truly intoxicating.
AND I WANT THAT!
I don’t really have a ton of patience to wait for it.
I question if I am just wasting time,
or if I just imagined it before.
Or perhaps the truth is that those sorts of things only come once in life,
and when gone they leave us with this beautiful suffering of knowing that it will never be again.
Perhaps they are only so lovely as to walk through our lives because of the deep pain that they bare on our soul.
they are there to make us question ourselves, or to learn how to be better. As if to present a lesson for us to spend the rest of our days unraveling.
I truly don’t know.
But what I do know is that these blessed little and big moments in my life are a feast that I will always run toward and sit at the table of.
I know that when presented I am eager and hungry to explore IF….
and perhaps, this is yet another one of those life moments that will forever leave its mark,
and no matter how deep it may scratch into my flesh and heart,
I know for sure one thing.
IT IS WORTH IT.
How can something that can be such an achilles heel to us be worth anything other than pain and cause us anything other than a major stumbling block in our life?
These things can be like quicksand to us if we get to caught up in them,
and yet we dive in,
and we search for them.
It is because without them,
without the knowing and the deep dive into the ravines of everything that they offer us,
we will NEVER KNOW OURSELVES FULLY.
and with that we can never know love.
We can never feel that true sense of abandon,
where we surrender into nothingness that is everything.
Where all that we are is seen and unraveled like the lessons that we gain from these moments and people who allow us time to bask in the enjoyment of the experience of life with them.
And so we wander through our days,
lost in search for yet this experience again. Ever so hungry to find it,
ever so thirsty to be drowned by it,
and we find our hearts feeling broken.
We find our minds screaming at us in dissatisfaction,
that we are so silly as to be hunting for yet another moment.
Trying to convince ourselves that, that was all the sampling of happiness, connection, love and joy that we get for this lifetime.
Giving all of our power over to just this one moment.
And feeling like we have been shredded into a million pieces and no one cares,
no one sees,
no one hears our pleas to be held yet again in this beauty,
this agonizing beauty that we fear and hunger for all in the same.
What do we crazy fickle humans do?
We manifest into our lives….
That is what we do.
We call it in and we choose to disregard it.
Because we fear its wrath on our lives.
We fear the pain.
We fear the heartache and the loss.
The death of something.
And so we deny allowing it into formation.
We say no to the very thing that we hunger for.
And we choose to sit in agony that we have chosen out of the fear of if we said yes to our dreams and our desires,
if we allowed ourselves to transform and become everything that we need to become to fully merge with this new exploration and blessing,
and we convince ourselves that this sort of suffering is better than the having of yet another altering beautiful moment that we run the risk of losing somewhere down the road.
And so we sit idle in our today,
and stay that way,
Never allowing our thirst to be quenched by the waterfalls that can carry us away to our own divinity.
To the uniting of self and love.
To the potential of who we are and how we can dance in the currents of our transformation.
Yes this is the journey of the fickle human being.
That you and I both are.
We will forever be captivated by our hungers,
our wanting and earning,
and to those we must awaken to our nature to torment ourselves in the not having.
Because when we seek…
when we ask…
It is always granted.
It is never denied by God/universe.
The denying is all up to us.
So what will we choose?
Or to have not?
It is up to you and it is up to me,
and this is how powerful we truly are.
We have the power to shackle ourselves from EVERYTHING,
yes everything that we want for.
What do you choose?
I know my answer.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can one and for all get out of your own way? I get how difficult it can be.
How it feels like there is no way that you can ever achieve the life, the relationship,
the abundance and health that you crave so deeply for.
I understand how easy it is to contribute all that beauty and love from your past to one person,
But I tell you this,
you are the creator of your life and you are worthy of thriving.
Let me show you the path to living unbound and turned on today.
*Photo Credit @ #DandeLionImages
CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.
you say that word so often I do not think it is achieving the results that you think it is achieving.
On any day of the week,
I get the comment of “Beautiful” at least ten times from random people ( mostly men) who want to share it with me.
And the reality is this,
The statement of “Beautiful.”
Is a surface AF statement.
It will get you nowhere in a hurry with a woman who values herself,
who understands that her true beauty is not something you appreciate just from her skin that is barred or the clothes that she has on,
it has nothing to do with the smile on her face,
or if she is nice to you.
Beauty is something so much deeper.
It comes from a place of knowing oneself.
Of loving oneself,
even the shadow lands of our character.
Beauty comes from feeling good in our own skin,
and when someone over uses such a compliment,
it actually starts to rub raw,
and cause you to not take in the compliment.
Every human being NEEDS to have words of affirmation.
Every human being needs to learn how to breathe into compliments and own their worth,
but surface AF statement that are easy to say and show that you know NOTHING about the person,
are not anything to sport about saying.
Especially with a woman.
SO this musing is going out to all you gents who tell me and other amazing AF powerful women that you find us BEAUTIFUL.
That you would love to show us what you can do with your whatever you desire to touch and taste us with,
That you love how our hair looks,
our clothes fit us,
or the angle we opted to take a picture from.
Yeah those comments that you believe will land you in our panties and hearts,
HA! We think not.
For a true compliment is spoken from a place of presence,
it is stated about a person’s depth and light.
A compliment that makes you stand out in the crowd of all those fools who think that some cartoon dog blowing random AF kisses, or I love you’s is going to get somewhere other than an eye roll and quickening in our scroll,
if you truly desire to make an impression…
THEN SLOW THE F-CK DOWN….
and pay some attention.
You need to actually listen,
watch and read,
you need to make statements that show that you were into what that person was sharing,
you need to let yourself absorb who you are watching,
and not from a place where she gets me off to watch.
This also applies to anyone who is taking a woman to bed,
if you are so lucky to have her open herself to you,
then remember this….
You can leave a good impression,
a bad impression ,
or a F-cking Spectacular impression.
The choice is yours.
And it all comes down to how you slow the f-ck down and get present with her.
If you think you know a woman,
and how to f-ck her wide open,
awesome…. but I question your cockiness.
Because I know women,
and we bore easily and rarely want to hurt your delicate ego’s, so we let you believe that you know,
and then roll our eyes and share our frustrations with our friends about how clueless you are,
and how surface AF our sex is with you.
A woman who loves herself and knows her value,
will not keep around a man or partner for any amount of real time who cannot prove that they can go deep with her.
If our partner is not willing to slow the f-ck down and value us the way that we know we should be,
then “bye, bye… don’t let the door hit you on your way out of my life.”
A woman who keeps a surface level lover around,
is a woman who does not know herself yet and has not learned her value.
The facts are simple and they start with how we relate outside the bedroom.
Ladies if you feel all fluttery and excited about that want to be average joe who said beautiful on one of your pictures,
then I question how much love you have for self.
Because that man… that man is a little boy who has not learned how to be with a woman yet and cannot handle his own depth or the light that you have to offer.
if you are one of these dudes that offer up easy to spell one word comments, but then turn around and ask a woman a question that you already have access to the answer of…
(by taking the time in our social media world… and I mean like maybe 2 minutes of time….you can discover how old someone is, where they are from or live, if they are single or coupled, open or not, kids, what they do and even their likes)
THEN JUST F-CKING STOP ALREADY.
Your words are wasted on those of us who value ourselves.
We do not need your statements of beautiful or what you desire to do to us or with us,
we laugh at you,
we shake our heads at your silliness and we keep scrolling.
You don’t have a chance,
so go find someone who may better suit you.
There is someone for everyone,
or so they say.
I am not the one who will fall prey to your mediocre compliments with no depth or care.
Just like all the other queens out there who get what I am sharing here in this musing today.
Level up your relating guys!
Level up who you are.
You want to attract a MF Queen….
Then you cannot just pretend to play King….
You gotta be one.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how to attract your Queen?
Want to know what it means to be a King in life and relationships.
It’s a vibrational thing baby.
It’s about embracing your worthiness and loving yourself.
male or female,
This is where our power comes from.
Let me share with you the journey to THRIVING.
Message me for deet’s.
Some wounds never heal for a woman.
I have learned through the course of my 44 years on this planet thus far and who know how many lifetimes before ( if that’s even a thing) that some wounds live with us and carry forward no matter how we try to mask, hide, forget or “heal” them.
They are markings on our vessel that serve a purpose that we are to never fully turn away from.
And as a woman, I feel that the feminine perhaps emotionalizes and carries them even deeper than the masculine can ever comprehend.
Around the topics of love, sex and children,
we discover the potential for some of the most significant wounds.
And I believe that because a woman feels life move through herself in all of these areas that when a wound occurs here that it impacts deeper and on all fronts of her experience.
Think about it….
Sex happens inside a woman’s body.
When you have sex with a woman,
you are INSIDE her body.
You are actually inside another human being in these moments,
and inorder for her to enjoy the moment then she must not be in her mind,
but be able to surrender emotionally, mentally and physically to the experience.
Sex is an external expereince for a man for the most part.
Sure men have heart in it,
and the best lovers come from this space not just from their genitals,
but still sex is happening outside of the mans physical body, creating a certain level of detachment to the process.
Where for a woman,
it is the opposite. It is happening inside her actual body. She must open her body to her partner and in order for her to not be harmed she must trust that her partner will be present and honor that space of her being as well as her heart.
This is why, rape or anything in its nature is not just a physical act that can be physically healed through. It is far more impactful than that. It is mental/psychological and emotional.
And the repercussions are life long for many in these areas. It is something that will bear with it body memory FOREVER.
If we look at love, here too a woman goes deep. She loves with her whole being and she opens herself from this complete state. She is not just loving, ( when it is pure and real) from a place of mind or body. It is not a place of logic. It is the whole being. And when a woman enters into love from this space she melts into the relationship, she becomes one with her partner and she surrenders her fears, her doubts, her pain and armour. She puts it all down and opens herself to being conquered by her man.
Here she is truly vulnerable and knows that he can do great damage if he turns away or chooses to not stand strong in their love. But she enters love anyway.
This is a space that if wounds occur,
they never fully heal.
They remain with a a scar, a void underneath her shield for her lifetime,
always craving for what was had and then lost.
If a woman becomes a mother,
no matter the time that she is one,
She has forever surrendered to this new state of understanding about self and life.
Many women become mothers but are not with children.
Many women believe that these moments that they carried a child ( may it be weeks, months or years) that in the loss, whether chosen or not, that the impact can be overstepped and forgotten.
But once experienced they have to surrender their deepest heart to the truth that it will forever be carried with them.
The deepest of losses.
Men again have heart here,
feel loss here,
but cannot ever fully understand the impact emotionally, physically or mentally that it can have on a woman,
and the disconnect that occurs at this loss between the woman and her very soul and body.
Again this is because it is internal for the feminine and external for the masculine.
A man is told about what he helped create but he does not breathe each day of creation in the true essence and feeling of shared space with another soul 24/7. He does not experience the hormonal responses, the emotional tolls or the physical labor of the event.
And if that child is lost,
he can never comprehend the impact of the mind/body/heart or soul that it takes on the feminine,
because he is detached to the external experience.
All three of these wounds:
All three of these experiences awaken and shut down the very heart of a woman.
They are life altering.
From a cellular level they forever change who the woman is and how she chooses to walk through life.
They have the potential to make her blossom,
Not one of these life experiences can ever be fully healed or forgotten.
Many women experience all three wounds.
Many women do not pay proper honor to these transformation points but in turn shame, guilt and blame themselves for them.
The self-hatred and disgust that is often lived in for a lifetime to follow,
prevents the feminine from ever fully receiving herself again, and she walks through life fearing and doubting her truth.
It is difficult to get a woman who has experienced these wounds to ever set her armour fully down again and trust.
And if she does choose to do so,
she is quick to grab her sword and shield at the slightest sign of trouble.
She forever will walk on eggshells within herself, knowing how fragile she truly is.
And yet the answer is to trust herself and learn to love herself fully again,
despite the pain that she carries,
knowing our courage and strength as a woman is where we can once again enter into love with self and trust with God.
From this feminine heart to yours,
I feel your pain and fear,
I have walked all these wounded paths before,
and I speak today to you beautiful women of the world from that place of not healed,
but a knowing that in our honor of self that we find our breath,
we discover our life again,
and we live.
Stop Existing & Start Loving
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ladies it’s time to own your power and learn to love again.
Love self again.
Honor self and live your F-ck Yes Life Now!
Reach out to me for my ladies only coaching opportunities now.