You were born to fish.

Somethings just feels wrong.

 
Don’t they?
 
In life we come up on these points in our live’s where we REALLY want something and it is stripped away, right in what seem’s like the most beautiful part of the experience.
 
You know what I am talking about.
It is the moments that make a significant impact on your heart,
on the course of your life even.
 
It is the moments that break you down to nothing,
leaving you fully exposed and raw.
 
It is the moments where you feel lost without hope,
searching for any little crumb of hope to keep you going.
 
Yes these moments.
 
These moments that you wonder why.
These moments that tear you apart and make you weep for all that is lost, all that will never be experienced, all the dreams that will never come to pass…
 
These are game changing moments of the soul.
 
And on the front side of these moments,
and through the healing process of them,
they feel effing wrong.
 
They feel as though they should not be happening.
That God got it all wrong on this one.
We find ourselves in these moments questioning our hearts, our intuition, our thoughts, our faith, our everything.
 
And the only logical answer yet illogical in the same is that
“I must not deserve this thing I have lost.”
“I must have screwed up and did something wrong.”
“I must have not been good enough.”
 
And so we sit an torture ourselves about how bad a person we are.
 
We come up with lists of things that we need to change,
promises to ourselves about how we will never allow this or that to happen to us again,
we confirm to ourselves that the only safe thing is to shut down.
 
And so we shutdown to love.
And it feels all wrong.
 
The universe is a funny place,
where when these occurrences happen,
we find ourselves haunted by the what if’s, the could have been’s, the dreams and desires that we once had and that still reside inside us deep down.
 
They haunt us like the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.
 
They haunt us and share with us the things that we still desire.
That our heart cries out for.
That is not.
That cannot be in current.
 
And it feels all wrong.
 
But what if…
WHAT IF?
 
These haunting’s were actually signs from our soul.
Revealing to us that the desires that we had are still there and a possibility,
 
perhaps not in the fashion we had originally intended,
but that they are there and they are ours to manifest.
 
These THINGS that our hearts crave,
that our soul has set it’s eye on,
that God has in store for us.
 
These THINGS.
These BLESSINGS.
 
And the reason that they did not happen the way that we had originally planned was because those events, those people, those things were not in alignment to our highest and best life experience.
 
We had to grow!
Not do something to become worthy.
Not become a better person.
 
No.
We had to grow into the person that could hold those blessings,
 
and share of them the way that God intends for each of us to share.
 
It comes down to the wise statement from Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”
 
 
If we had continued to be given the blessings freely as we were living them, then we never would have learned how to handle them properly or gain them in faith and surrender.
 
We would never have expanded our souls ability to receive the beauty of all that is offered to us in this life.
 
No one took anything away from us.
This is the truth.
What you may feel you have lost.
Is not gone.
 
You tasted of its sweetness and now you must go and earn it.
You must go and learn how to fish.
 
In the learning,
you will expand yourself to capacities you can not currently imagine.
 
You will grow.
You will once again gain,
your hearts desires.
Your souls cravings.
 
They are all there waiting for you.
But first you must fish.
 
The lessons of fishing, will lead you to the life that you desire.
You were born worthy of this life.
You must though build your being strong enough to carry all the blessing that is awaiting you.
 

And it feels right.

You were born to fish.

 

As always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
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The Tormented Devil- Jealousy and Rage

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“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” – Robert A. Heinlein

One of the most feared emotions in relations and yet it seems to run rabid in society and many actually have grown into the belief that this monster is a deeper sign of love for someone when in fact it is an ego statement saying,” I am insecure in myself and untrusting of love in general.” This monster is often the awakener of its side-kick that can not only harm emotionally but also physically. When a person is under the possession of these two, they may feel trapped, chained into an internal world where they are no more than a witness in a prison cell to chaos and torture being inflicted upon their lives and loved ones.

What am I speaking of?

Jealousy & Rage!

According to the dictionary jealousy is:

1. Jealousresentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

2.Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

3.Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

4.A jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

For the sake of today’s musing I am going to focus on the second definition of this emotion. Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc. When we look at this definition we see that jealousy is mainly caused out of a lack of being present in the moment or within our relationship. Anytime mental uneasiness comes forth and you find yourself buying into the game of fear you know that you are not dealing with love or spirit. What you have here is nothing more than ego tapping at your mental window and pulling at your past traumas and insecurities to make your heart pound stronger and your gut tighten. If you allow ego to play this movie for you then you will certainly be handing over the reins of your life to a nasty monster that can and most often does destroy relationships.

anger expression and christmas 035Jealousy that leads to rage is not always brought on by the threat of a physical rival in a relationship such as another lover or mate. Often jealousy raises its head over other events such as a spouse who wants more attention from their partner and is jealous over what seems like excess time being spent with the children or a project. It can rise up big time when one partner decides that they want transformation and healing in their life and start to take the steps toward achieving this. In this action the partner who is seeking growth will be changing their personal vibration to life and if their mate does not decide to keep up there will be a pulling apart of energies and the mate that is not growing or is growing at a slower pace will feel a tremendous pull in the energy between them and their partner. This energy will start to act like an ever growing canyon separating the two. When this happens fear strikes and jealousy sets in shortly followed by anger and rage. This is why we see and hear so many tales of horrible relationship break-ups and even physical, emotional and mental abuse happening. These tactics are ego’s attempt to pull the growing partner back into the same vibration as the one who is not wanting to advance in that same direction.

anger expression and christmas 070I can share personally a time of my life that this very act of ego happened. Years ago I was introduced to the spiritual technology of Kabbalah, I fell in love with the teachings and quickly found myself at home within the community. Excited each week to attend my study group, get tutoring from my teacher and connection with my study buddy and mentors I would eagerly get everything on the home front ready and settled, kids school stuff taken care of, dinner, etc. before I would make the mad dash off to my meeting. Under the belief that my partner supported my growth because after many years of being together we had both been big crusaders of personal growth and advancement. Sadly in this particular case my growth was causing a vibrational upheaval and calling forth the darkness that had grown in our relationship and in each of us. My partner was now being faced with insecurities, jealousy and mental uneasiness. Fear had set in and ego was now his master many a night at my return from class. It became so that I would find myself hating the drive home, I did not even want to face the music of his wrath, I dreaded walking through the doors of our home to find him drinking and sulking, giving me the third degree on things and treating me as though we were in a court of law and I was on trial. At this time of my life I could not understand what was happening. I did not know why he was always so upset about my practice, what I was learning and what I was bringing back to share. As my advancement in my studies grew I came slowly to the awareness that our relationship was on VERY rocky ground and I found myself being posed with some hard choices.

Do I keep growing on this spiritual path and pushing forward regardless of anyone’s acceptance or resistance to it? Or, do I succum to his wants and walk away from the Light that I was experiencing from this path and growth?

Looking back on our past, on my path and on what I wanted to manifest in this life I knew that I could not step away from my core desires for growth again like I had done repeatedly in the past. I knew that if I chose to turn my back on my soul that I would most likely throw myself into another dark night of the soul and who knows what might happen, so I pushed forward in hopes that his perspective and feelings would change and even in hope that he might open to this path as well and we could be a team.

anger expression and christmas 037 (1)

Alas, this was not in our cards.

Jealousy ate away at him. Fear kept hold tight and the fires of rage slowly were fed until they one night found the fuel that they had been hoping for and we both found ourselves faced with the dark possession of the soul in physical form.

anger expression and christmas 043“It was late and we had been fighting all night until these wee hours of the morning. The focus was on my commitment to my classes and my lack of time and attentiveness to him. The fear was based on me possibly flirting with other men after my meetings while enjoying a glass of wine with my female study buddy at the hotel bar where (the study class at this time was being held at a local hotel chain in the city). No matter how I tried to assure that there was nothing more going on the fear would not let hold and he by this time had drank enough alcohol that any rational was gone and the soul had officially been suppressed. The final moments of this night of rage ended with me lying down in bed, crying and breathing. In my head I worked through my tools that I had been taught so that ego would not completely destroy my internal world. He paced back and forth as he always did after drinking and getting caught in ego. Bathroom to bedroom. Bedroom to bathroom and back. All the while yelling and dancing in a pity party. His pain body was on fire and I was in his eye responsible for this. I recall begging him to calm down and lower his voice as to not wake our sleeping children. This only caused more outrage. Now he was feeling as though I was controlling him and after screaming that he would speak as loud as he wanted he slammed his fists down on the end of our bed. Pounded his rage into the mattress and then without a moment’s notice the man I had known for many years disappeared into some dark dungeon and this tormented devil flung from the shadows of our bedroom wanting me to feel his pain, his fear, his rage, his loss of control of life and all the insecurities and judgments, lack of love that had been bottled up for perhaps a life time or more. In this moment as I lay there I was no longer another human being, I was not the woman he loved, I was not his friend, I was not the mother of his children, I was nothing but the reason for his pain and fear, something that was controlling him and he HAD to regain control of. Without time for a breath my heart skipped and my body tensed. I could not stop my own fear. My own internal terror. The covers were tossed off of me and he grabbed me harshly. At first I thought that he might just slap me and yell some more. But no, his ego had bigger ideas. My night gown was forced upward, his shorts were dropped and without anything more he forced my legs apart, ignored my begging and pleading he penetrated my body. As he did this I could feel my vulva lips tear from the lack of lubrication, I could feel my heart shut down as my tears cascaded down my cheeks onto the mattress. His hands pressing me down, his breath on my shoulder and cheek. Each thrust of his cock was like a dagger into my heart and soul.

 

Jealousy may have started this war but, rage finished it.

 

anger expression and christmas 044

After the physical event was over, he rolled over and passed out without a word. I lay there crying. Now angry, full of distrust, fear and not understanding how my longing for personal growth and attending a class could cause this sort of reaction. The next morning I wondered what would happen. To my surprise he acted as though nothing happened other then he had drank too much. Time passed, I continued to close myself of intimately and emotionally to him. Months went by and I found myself trapped in a dungeon of my own with my own tormented devil. Should I have fought more? Should I have called the cops on him? Should I bring it up and ask what the hell happened and why, WHY in god’s name would he hurt me like that on so many levels? All I knew was that this action was out of place and that it was slowly tearing me apart. Tearing us apart. The trust I had in him was after this event completely gone. The violation of my being on ALL levels was now the catalyst for me to escape and move forward in whatever fashion I must in order to not feel like this anymore.

 

The rage he felt in that heated moment that one night that forced him into black out and possession of something evil now filled me. The seed of rage had been planted within my womb and its embers lingered in my thoughts. The path of healing personally and for us together had taken a turn for what seemed to be the worse.”

 

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they’re almost almost incompatible: one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil…” – – Robert A. Heinlein

 anger expression and christmas 065

Sadly to say events of this nature happen in over 70% of relationships according to studies done. And even more sadly the “victims” often feel as though it is okay that this sort of violation happened because they blame themselves for perhaps not fulfilling their side of the marital contract, or that they should not be doing what their heart desires and instead focus more on self-sacrifice and doing what their partner wishes. The victims fall into the belief that their partners rage and jealousy is a sign of how much they are loved and that if they themselves would just do and be everything for their partner then theses acts of violence would halt.

To think that we can be everything to our lover or any other person is expecting too much. If we ever look for another to be everything we need and want in a relationship then we are putting unrealistic expectations on those we love and we are increasing our chances of disappointment.  In these sorts of expectations we pull ourselves out of the NOW and we lose our ability to appreciate what we have and cherish the love that resides in our life. Each time we look to another for our happiness we are but only closing ourselves off from the reality that the ONLY person able to make us happy or responsible for our happiness is OURSELVES. As long as we put blame on another for how we are feeling and for our actions we will continue to allow ego to hold the ownership papers on our life.

Make a commitment today to yourself, to your love and your happiness that you will release yourself from the chains of this tormented devil and enjoy a life of freedom. This can only manifest if you learn to remain present in the moment and know that the emotions that you are feeling are coming from within yourself. There is no one responsible for your actions, your feelings, your thoughts other then YOU. And it is up to you to make the decision to act in unconditional love and not let the monstrous face of ego distort your image of reality.

It is up to you to release the chains of this demon that wants to posses your heart and soul!

anger expression and christmas 073 (1)

SCIENCE IS DISCOVERING THE POWER OF MENSTRUAL BLOOD

Gnostic Christians used to call their religion Synesaktism – another word for Agape – which means ‘The Way of Shaktism’, referring to Tantric Yoni-Worship.

One of the most important rituals was preparing a ‘drink of immortality’ made from menstrual blood, which is full of healing stem cells, which can actually activate our cellular capacity to regenerate and transport us to endocrine states of rapture. Or in a spiritual sense open us to the Frequency of Love and Eternal Life, transporting us to another Dimension – called Heaven, Paradise, Nirvana etc.

This ‘Love Feast’ or ‘Sacred Marriage’ – a core part of the Menstrual Mysteries – was eventually declared a heresy and women were barred from participating in Christian rites. 

However the ‘Power of Renewal, Rebirth, and Resurrection’ previously associated with the Holy Womb and Menstrual Blood of the Divine Mother was transferred to the story of Jesus and his ritual of Eucharist – ‘hic est sanguis meus – this is the Chalice of my Blood’ – where worshippers ‘drank his blood’ to gain the power of Rebirth through him.

In most ancient myths and religions, throughout the world dating back hundreds of thousands of years, the power of rebirth had always been a blessing of the Feminine Womb – embodied and gifted by Sacred Womb Priestesses across many cultures. It had never been held by a man. Although there are many legends about the ‘menstrual powers of female shamans’ being stolen by male gods.

The Holy Grail, in its true original essence, is the Womb. 

Women born many, many thousands of years ago in what we might called ‘Original Innocence’ – before many of our genetic capabilities went offline, held this power naturally, as a birthright, shared with their tribes in renewal rituals.

Since those times, once the birthright was lost, women across many lineages and cultures – Womb Priestesses – have practiced many varied ways to heal, clear and open the Womb, so it can once again embody the frequency of Love, of Original Innocence, so that the energetic and physical stem cell capacity can activate purer states of consciousness and activate incredible regenerative healing. This knowledge has been almost lost over the last thousand years, as it has been fragmented, scattered and deliberately destroyed.

Now it is desiring to return, to ‘renew our lands’ as the myths go.

Earlier this year Dr Azra Bertrand and I met with a top international research scientist working with menstrual blood stem cells. His research indicated they had the capacity to work ‘miracles’. He described how the first time he used Menstrual Blood Stem Cells he felt like he had been ‘reborn’ – an unfit man in his late fifties, he’d had to run around the block because he had so much energy.

Another research scientist in his sixties working with stem cells had experienced his hair change from grey to the black of his youth in a matter of months. Throughout the world, in secret, these experiments are happening – in China, Russia, India, and more.

Whilst women are giving their power away to patriarchal ideologies, taking drugs to stop their menstrual cycle, using cancer-causing chemical bleached tampons to stem the flow, seeing their Menses as an inconvenient ‘curse’ they are ashamed of, male scientists around the world are using the power to experience states of physical and spiritual high.

Isn’t it time we reclaimed our power? Fountain of Life will have much more to say about this subject in 2013!

Please circulate and share the information. 

Extract from Womb Awakening: Return of the Feminine, Rebirth of the Masculine © Fountain of Life

First seen on: Sensual Bliss Voyager

One Drop of Ink

It is possible to move men, through God, by prayer alone. ~ Hudson Taylor

It was a cold winter evening as we got into the car. I could not help but wonder why I was feeling the need to pray for Lisa at this moment. I prayed every night for Lisa as well as her brother and sister, but why now, in this moment? We were headed back home and Lisa was in the car with her uncle in front of us, her brother and sister were with me. She waved to us as we left the parking lot following them home from an evening out in the city. Everything seemed fine and yet there was this eager feeling to pray, pray NOW for Lisa. I was bewildered yet paused for a moment in my mind and took a deep breath, “Please Lord, watch over Lisa, send your angels to protect her from harm’s way.” Shortly thereafter I saw a semi’s lights coming toward the car that Lisa was a passenger in. I gasp a sigh as the trailer of the truck swayed back and forth in the lanes ahead.  Quickly I prayed again,” Please Lord, protect Lisa in these moments, remove her from harm’s way.” The car that Lisa and her Uncle were in slowed and pulled to the side of the road, the swaying semi passed them and they were safe. Just then I noticed another car, the trailer of the truck crashed into it smashing the back end of the vehicle.  We pulled over, the semi managed to stop as well. All of us running to the passengers in the car that had been hit.  Everyone was safe luckily but the back of the car was crunched up to the front seats. As the driver of the car got out shakily with his wife and daughter he was shocked at the damage. I asked if they were ok and he said, ‘Yes. Luckily we stopped a few miles back though or it would not be so.” I inquired what he meant. “A few miles back we pulled over and swapped the present we had been out buying this evening into the back seat so our daughter could sit up front with us. If we had not done this she would not be here anymore.” Looking at the car again, the Christmas presents in the back seat were destroyed as they pressed against the back of the front seats of the car, if she had been back there she would not have survived most likely. I looked at the young girl and asked, “What’s your name?” She smiled at me and said, “Lisa.”

This story is adapted from one I read in Guidepost Magazine while in Chicago on my stay.  A miraculous true tail from a woman about listening to spirit and praying with faith. Now you may be wondering why a tantrika is writing about praying and faith and what do they have in common with tantric practices or what I teach. Prayer is one of the most powerful forces we have. It is a direct link to the Divine and it should NEVER be taken lightly. Moments as the above show us that we all have power to manifest a better life scenario for ourselves and for those around us. It is in the power of our thinking that we create our world and to believe that our thoughts do not affect others is sheer foolishness.  May they be positive (as above) or negative our thoughts go forth into the world and make time and space non relevant. If we are sending out thoughts of hatred, jealousy, judgment, or something else on this line then what we are doing is throwing a large poisonous boulder into the stream of life. The ripples caused by this one forceful thought will expand out and back. You can look at it like a rubber band being pulled on from one point, as the rubber band expands out it touches a great deal of space before it releases and comes back to where it started. But it does not just come back to where it started; it forms a powerful energetic whiplash effect as it crashes back into the starting zone. Often this whiplash is felt energetically long before the rubber band ever is released. This subtle vibration is known as Spanda. When relating Spanda back to our thoughts and feeling a vibration with them you could say that this is your subconscious, the angel on your shoulder that is arguing with the devil on the other shoulder. In other words, it’s that soft voice that tells you that these thoughts are not aligned with your higher self or the universe and that by sending out these thoughts consciously or unconsciously you will experience a whiplash (negative effects, karma).  As will those that you are throwing these stones at.

How is it possible that others can be affected by our negative thoughts? The universe does not pay attention to what we want or what we don’t want, what the universe hears is what we attach the most emotion too. When we have great rage toward someone, our mental, physical and emotional bodies feel it. Our Spirit sits by and tries to guide our reactions away from anger and suffering motives and toward love and light. But often we find ourselves thriving on the short circuit of energy that is caused through the lower grade ego based emotions. After all it is how we have been programmed since we were small children. Because we are all energy vibrations, when we experience great love or hatred, sadness or exhilaration our bio-energetic fields expand out and dance with others. When we become extremely fixated (attached emotionally) to something, most likely a thought that is linked to this emotion, we feed it with more emotion.  Making our vibrational wave even grater and stronger in effect.

“Our thoughts do not come from the brain, just as music does not originate in the circuits of a physical radio. The brain is like an antenna – it picks up a signal and rebroadcasts it into the conscious mind. If we could distinguish thoughts that come from the Light from those that come from the Shadow 9the Opponent), we could reclaim control of our lives.” – The Power of Kabbalah Card Deck

If we are in a negative state of being and attached to thoughts that are supporting this state then what we are doing is acting like ink in a water glass to all those we come in contact with. What do I mean?  Take a glass of clear water then drop one tiny drop of ink into the glass. What happens to the crystal clear water? You can see the ink swirling around in the water; it slowly merges with all the water molecules, causing the once clear water to be tainted. Our energy field can taint or heighted the energy of others around us, and just as with the glass of water, the drop started at the top of the glass but did finally make it to the bottom and at the end penetrated each molecule. This is the same with our thoughts. When we are harsh on another in our thinking we send out darkness. We cloud ourselves instead of bringing light to a situation.  When we stop and pause, listen to our Spirit, to the soft voice of angels, God, our higher self or whatever name you want o put here we come from love and acceptance that everything is as is intended to be. This does not mean that having upset feeling is wrong by any means. Allowing yourself to feel all emotion is healthy and part of our human existence as well as a major part of healing, however attachment to these emotions for long periods of time is destructive.  The beauty of this is that once we understand how powerful our thoughts truly are, we can stop manifesting chaos and suffering and instead manifest a beautiful world. Just as the woman in the story above chose to listen to angelic assistance, the voice of spirit to help assist another so should each of us take a conscious moment in each day to look outward and pray in a positive manifestation for all beings.

Through meditation and prayer we are given the chance to remember and accept who and what we REALLY are! Pray or meditate TODAY to discover your reality and assist in the birthing of The Shift on this planet.

Freedom is the release of control…(Response to Serenade of the Boogie Monster)

Freedom is the release of control…

I thought this was a beautiful add on to my tale Serenade of the Boogie Monster. This allows all to see both sides of the story as well as the transformational aspects that occurred and are still in process. As with everything in life the path to enlightenment and expansion is never ending. Each step we reveal new aspects of our self and we see those in our lives through our new eyes. Our lessons are put before us so that we may expand personally but also so that we may openly share and have empathy for our brothers and sisters. It has always been through story that we learn.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” 
― Steve MaraboliLife, the Truth, and Being Free

I as the husband in this story would like to share my side and also take the opportunity to explain what I have learned. Perhaps in doing so some of the regret I have will wash away. I am still doing the work of discovering my particular issues referred to in Kabbalah as Tekkun. I have had a sense of not being good enough, not worthy, a very common human trait. Kendal had a very special spiritual/sexual love connection with her first lover. They where to run away together and he disappeared and left her devastated. She quickly turned to me wounded. For me it was as if God had handed me an Angel. The life partner I had been dreaming about. I could not believe she had chosen to love me and I felt like I could rope the moon. Neither of us understood at the time how much of a needs based relationship it was. The problem is anytime we are getting our needs met by someone else, if they stop filling them there is a feeling of loss. We humans when we feel loss strive to get it back, to get that need filled. This is where control comes in, what once was free we need to take. We take through manipulation, guilt, fear and sometimes physical abuse. Looking back this happened very early on in our 18 marriage and it is still happening today as my desire to be close to her causes her to feel controlled. Back to the story. My needs and insecurities increased by the fact that I compared myself to her first lover. He was taller, had a bigger penis, a better connection energetically then we ever had. I tried to make up for it through performance, to fix it. I would get her to love  me more by making more money, taking romantic trips, fucking her harder and deeper and lasting longer. None of this worked of course. I would fantasize about our friend having sex with her, the two of us having sex with her. His penis was bigger so maybe he could please her and I wanted her to be pleased yet this surfaced all my insecurities. I could see and feel the energy she had with him. I needed to be the one to please her. My need would not be met, or would it? She was not open enough to talk about it and it would have brought my negative ego control issues to the surface like an atomic bomb, so she lied. I knew she was lying.

“Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.” 
―Terence Mckenna

 

An absolute energetic relationship death. We continued on in this dead end disaster for 13 more years before her soul had had enough and she did what she had to do to heal herself and turned to Tantra, Kabbalah, her soul guide, and other men in a desperate attempt for freedom. I am sharing this in hopes that someone reading might be helped and get understanding. I want everyone to know how proud I am of her and how thankful I am that she had/has the courage to strive for soul integrity. She is and always will be my spiritual teacher. We can’t go back in time yet as I work on my healing I reflect on how different it could have been had I the courage 13 years ago to do the work on myself. To open up to Tantra as a spiritual path and also to polyamory. Looking back the only thing wrong with my fantasies is that I wasn’t emotionally or spiritually strong enough to handle it. It’s a matter of consciousness. I look around at relationships and can see and feel the pain these control issues are causing. I am looking forward to having many lovers as I continue to heal and grow my consciousness. I hope one day to be lovers with Kendal again knowing all the negativity that would have to be released because I would not want her to live out of soul integrity to fill my needs. I can desire her love open and free but I can not need it. Currently I still feel loss, needs unmet. There is much work to be done so here is my shout out to the world, stop the insanity. Do the hard work. It’s going to be really fucking hard and your demons will surface, but the world needs you to do it. Dive in the water is cold but you get used to it and it is why we are here. To  heal, love openly, grow, expand love, expand ourselves.

Namaste’

The Serenade of the Boogie Monster

“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread in it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.” – Chief Seattle, 1854

I am always amazed at how these Naked Musings come about. If I believed in coincidence then I would say it was such, but I don’t believe in coincidences so instead I look at all events (moment to moment in my life) as signs. Everything that comes to us may we perceive it to be good or bad is perfect as it is, fore in these moments great lessons are being provided for us.

Many years ago I can recall a time that I was extremely judgmental. I remember sitting at my mother-in-laws house in Northern California and listening to some gossip about my sister in law. The tale was that she was having an affair on her husband, my husband’s brother. The family was in uproar at this and I felt as though I should be too. After all it was sinful. She had broken the oath of marriage between her and her husband. She had betrayed him with another and then she denied it. Another sin most likely being set before her jury, all of us who were worthy of casting these stones.  There we sat judging her for her actions, condemning her in every way possible. But as it states in Matthew 7:1-6 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. A lesson I was soon to learn for myself. Unhappy in my marriage, lost in my life, and out of love with myself it would happen that temptation would fall at my feet a few short years later. Here a man that actually irritated me but could make me laugh found his way into my heart at a deeper level then just the friend that he had been for a few years. He was a strongly religious man as well. As if that matters when our souls want to taste life and bliss without the constraints of society.  Yes as though we were on a dance floor we found ourselves twirling in the blissful, fun adventure known as an affair. At first I too denied my guilt. I lied to my family, to my husband. In my mind I told myself that it was best that I do not share the truth as it would be to harmful, to painful for them. I was doing them a favor and protecting them. In truth I was fearful of the judgment that would come, from them not from God. In my gut when I asked myself if this event would cast me into outer darkness or have me dancing with Satan I knew that God loved me and that the only punishment that I would ever really experience from this life event would be that from which I opened myself to and put upon myself. I knew also that I had brought this upon myself, not from making love to a man that I enjoyed and brought me many a memorable spiritual moment and gifted me with much beauty but because I was so harsh in my judgment of my sister in law. Here I had set in motion my lesson. My task was to have compassion for her and for all. My task was to love myself just a splash as much as the Creator loves me. In this I would discover freedom and salvation.

If we each could just embrace that we are the creators of what is to come. It is also in our perceptions that we manifest how we experience the world. If we choose to hold ill feelings toward anyone, including ourselves then we find ourselves in chaos, suffering and separated from love.

We experience negative emotion when we come into a point of view that is in disagreement with the point of view of our Creator. Meaning that our ego has gotten us to deviate from that which our higher self, our “Light” knows. In other words if you could hate someone and your inner being empathizes in that hate and joins you in it you would not feel any separation from the Light (creator) and you would not experience any negative emotion. But you do!

Negative emotion is a vibrational contradiction between the way of ego and the love of the Creator. So if your inner being, the God within, your Christ Consciousness (whatever you choose to call it) will not join you in one adverse thought what is the truth behind the theory of a day of reckoning? Why do we feel that we can cast stones and live in separation from the light but that those who according to our perspective are acting out of accordance with the laws of the land are the real sinners and should “pay” for what they have done?

How is that we come to believe that the God that we strive to love and please so deeply could hate? It’s implausible and we know it is so at our core. Fearing god? Do we want our children to fear us or to love us? Do we want to destroy our children’s lives or to support them and teach them how to manifest lives of abundance and happiness? Made in the image of the creator shares the truth that the concept of fearing God is not of Divine intention but of the ego. It is a form of controlling spirit while it is experiencing a physical life. The only thing fear does in its control is cause suffering. Truly by succumbing to the concept that God judges or disapproves of us in any way sets our lives into chaos and ruin.

I will allow you to control my behavior to suit your needs by using this fallacious boogie monster in the closet. This is what traditional puritan cultural views from rewritten texts of sacred codes want us to believe so that we are passive, paralyzed sheep instead of the Divine beings that we are!

We are free Light beings. What is true freedom though? Freedom is the releasing of control. Recently a sweet Goddess I know shared a symbolic event with me. She was watching some birds in formation flying. As they flew they held formation but within a second they broke free, they took to the skies in their own directions, gaining individual perspective on the land. Birds are wonderful teachers, they understand unity and how together they can travel and be carried faster while experience less struggle because they are united in flight, yet they also allow for individual freedom of experience without judgment.

Freedom is the releasing of control. The releasing of fear and the coming into alignment with the creator, with that inner being of light.  As we allow ourselves to become free we increase our vibration and align perfectly with the creator, the God who loves us and has and always will love us. This loving creator at the time of our conception knew that in this physical world we would have to experience contrasts and that this experience would assist us in our expansion. Unlike the Creator whom is limitless we have broken away from our ability to embrace fulfillment and our divine limitless birth right by imposing ego based structures upon ourselves and expecting these structures to protect us and to control the free nature of others as well, thus causing us to become prisoners of our ego based desire to be righteous for the sake of pride instead of being righteous through grace and unconditional love as that of the creator.

When we look at the doctrine of so many religions for the love of God we are in fact looking away from it. It’s when we are told by these dogmatic rule based controllers how we are to be that we have to pause and take notice of what our heart, our gut is saying. Is there something that just makes you feel unsettled? Unloved? Not accepted? Judged if you were truthful about who you are or what your life experience has been? That nasty pit in your stomach at moments like this is your soul saying that if you buy into these ways that you will be disallowing for the fullness of the love, the worthiness and the peace of the Creator which you are a part of. When you hear these cries of spirit and you learn to attune yourself to this perfection of love instead of the suffering of ego NO ONE will ever be able to persuade you to live out of soul integrity again.

Through the Looking Glass: Past Lives, Present Journeys

I crossed a stone bridge in the mist and as I came to the other side I was transported into a life I once knew. Gazing down at my feet I saw beautiful gold threads wrapping around them but no shoes. I knew I was a woman. I felt young, happy, and light bodied. Full of energy and love.

I was in love!

I looked around the room, it was just incredible, full of rich colors, reds, gold, browns, many intricate designs embroidered on the materials and lots of sheer curtains. A smell of incense in the air. A large grey beast sat in the middle of my room. It was not an elephant, but large. I never paid attention to its face, although I know it had a head dress on of some sort. At first thought I must be in India or perhaps a similar culture.

 I was dancing around in circles.

Joyously.

I had such beautiful long dark hair and there were all these veils of color hanging from my head. My skirt was beautiful, the colors and design swirled around me in a cosmic dance of fashion.

 I danced and danced.

 

Without conscious thought, I was transported to the scene of my death. A large man with rippling muscles stood beside where I lay. As I looked up into his face I could bearly see his eyes for the strange headdress. He was holding my arms above my head firmly, I felt another holding my legs down. I was laying upon some sort of rock/stone alter. There this “high priest” (I am assuming) with a wooden staff that had feathers and beads hanging from it said something about my sacrifice.

Emotions were running wild at this point. I could feel the anxiety in my heart. Why had I wanted this? What was I doing? Was is right? Was it really for a higher purpose or for not?

I was still young and in love.

 I recall the damn love. Damning it for the pain I was feeling. The loss I would once again feel. I gazed out over this vast, lush, beautiful green valley where my people stand below. It was a tropical forest created by the hands of the Gods. It was my death place. Looking out into the crowd, tears in my eyes I found the returning look my heart was longing for. Locking in on a young man, incredibly handsome. Dark beautiful skin, muscles toned perfectly, black shiny hair down to his shoulders. He smiled at me and my heart returned the smile as well as my face.

As the smile lifted my soul to the heavens I was quickly reminded of the pain that we can expereince in this realm; a sharp burning sensation below my ribs took over my consciousness….

As though time did not exist I found myself floating above my people. Over my lovers head, looking back from my aerial view I could see a stone pyramid shaped temple. Steps leading up to where I had just died. I heard cheering and then was whisked away and began to come back to an awake state of being in current “reality.”

“Perhaps expereince is the driving force that brings us back. Or perhaps learning something begets the desire to learn more, and learning more begets the desire to learn everything there is to know.” – P.S. Berg, Wheels of a Soul

Our past lives have a way of bringing us valuable lessons in times we least expect it. And with each visit of a past life we will re-learn a lesson and also be invited to awaken to another. This was the exact case for me during my Sacred Voyage to Maui. Little did I expect to be visited by the above past life regression.  Years ago I had done massive regression work to release my bondage to certain fears and discover the meaning of some important relationships in this current life that I knew had carried their energies from past. This particular regression opened up some interesting insights; from a fear of dancing to the saga of loosing love that seems to have rippled through lifetimes.

Maui brought home the fact that I was not yet done learning and releasing from this above life.

The morning was fresh when we decided it was time to journey away to the first of many sacred vortexes. As Greg “Magick” Bernstein and I drove down the pot hole filled road he looked at me and shared that the sight he was being guided to take me he had not taken anyone for many a year. Uncertain as to why he was being guided to do so, he shared some of the history of the sight. Known as the Temple Gathering Place of the High Supernatural’s, this was the site where the last human sacrifice of Maui was done.

 

However before we venture into the realm of sacrifice and worship, we must first prepare our physical beings. Protection, Appreciation, Understanding, and Honor. These things he would cover with me in Iao Valley Park. There beneath the trees, beside the running river of time, we sat and talked. Among the tales shared was one perfect for the birthing of the adventure at hand. One that not even Magick knew as of yet.

 

 

“Once there was a couple who sat and watched a cat in the weeds and flowers. The woman said, ‘Oh, look honey, the cat is smelling the flowers.’ The man looked over to the cat and said, ‘He is not smelling the flowers, he is peeing on them.’ The woman said,’ Well that is not how I see it in my reality!” (Story adapted from the one Greg shared)

Two different realities.

 Providing spiritual clarity as to why he was guiding to this temple, I shared my above regression.

 

Once we were prepared we ventured off to the temple. At our arrival the gates were closed. Magick looked at me and asked me to sense if we were to continue or not. It was my intuitive call.  I called out to spirit and was told to move forward. As I crossed through the gates my heart began to hurt. It quickly became unbearable, almost as though it was being ripped out of my chest. As we rounded a curve on the path my eyes set out on the remains of two adjoining temples that commanded a view that when build I am sure was spectacular. Stepped stones that towered above a below stream almost covered in overgrowth, this pyramid like sacrificial mound took in the view of ocean, valley and high country. The energy that released from its blood soiled ground was strangely peaceful and even calming to my being although my heart chakra did not stop vibrating with its intensity until I found my meditation place. Here looking back at the sacrificial site from a vista point of stepped stonework I sat. Back to the sun, breathing in the universe and allowing the four winds to dance with my ethereal being. As my soul danced and listened I heard the call of spirit. Particularly the call of Snake.

There in front of me grew a bush up through the ancient stones. Upon it was a small white pod of sorts. It sorta looked like a wishing weed. Spirit was asking me to take one and eat it. I argued with spirit out of fear, out of doubt. “How crazy to hear spirit telling me to eat some strange plant at a death site. Yeah most likely not the best of all ideas.” But with each argument the winds would blast me from different directions, pressing themselves into me and the vision of snakes within the stones would grow stronger. Spirit was speaking! Loud too.

Finally I asked permission from land and plant to pick the small pod flower. However chose not to eat it. Asking spirit if I had to, I was answered with a vision. The vision was of a dark cave, rocks, fallen trees, moss and tall grasses. I had no idea as to where this was so asked Spirit to share this vision with my guide, Magick.

Through time and space our many lives ripple into each other.

Even science is starting to realize that what we believe is our reality,

more than likely is nothing more than an illusion. Through the awareness

of our previous lives and the lessons that we still need to learn from them

and the strengths that we can harvest, we can not only advance our own

growth and light energy but also our healing. As we heal, accept and learn

to value those things that we in times before thought limiting or nonsense

we too can learn to love and share more freely in this life; creating more positive

manifestations for our current reality.

 

Through the looking glass of time, I was blessed with a beautiful opportunity to face

my fears, my doubts and my heart. Here at the sacred site of death, I sacrificed my old

self for the birth of a new reality. One where, my heart would no longer carry the fear

it had for so many life times but instead would call out to the heavens and LEAD my

current incarnation. There is only so much wisdom we are allowed to gather at one

given time, and with each drop of this wisdom we must always realize that the birthing

of our new reality will not come without first a death… Here is where we must have

CERTAINTY and KNOW that we are not alone. Perhaps we cannot see all that is to

come to pass with each choice we make, however the Creator can!

 

“Even the wisest cannot tell that a mirror shows many things. Things that were, things that are and things that have not come to pass.” (Galadriel, Lord of the Rings)

Divine Marriage — kundalini and tantra

Throughout the annals of mythology and spirituality, the devi – Kunti – (the Yin/Shakti opposite Yang/Shiva) has taken many forms and faces; some of these are translated accurately, others are not. Many have become owned (over time) by some cannonisation, doctrine .. or set of dogmatic rules.

Wholeness and the first separation

At the deepest and most primordial, Yin and Yang .. deva and devi are the first separation but, they are never separate. In Hindi, she is Shakti, he is Shiva

deva : d’e’v’a is the primordial masculine principle; an essence or principle, originally; ‘a bright or shining one’ from *div– to shine; the “sign” or “omen” of the energy which pervades; bestowing, producing or imparting; as with hot fire or passion from “above” (as in Heavenly); sometimes seen as a “gift” with the concept of going inward, within or in; the life in-breath; as an aspect of Brahma

devi : dh’e’v’i is the primordial feminine principle; placement or holding; potential to go beyond or transcend; consciousness potential as in “hidden” or “the inner self” with wonder, awe; the energy which pervades ; bestowing, producing or imparting; as with cold fire or passion of receptivity; that which has the potential to ‘learn’ or evolve as the essence of compassion with the power to obtain or become something else

Yoga, itself, is the UNION of the deva and the devi — masculine and feminine — Yin and Yang — Shiva and Shakti

The Tibetans go one step further; they call it Tantra – describing it as the warp and weft of the cloth as in the “sacred” weaving

akin to Christianity’s “Divine Marriage” of the Heavenly Bride (Yin, the devi) and Bridegroom (Yang, the deva) .. for it is written:

Tao gave birth to One;
One gave birth to Two;
Two gave birth to Three;
Three gave birth to the ten thousand things.
The ten thousand things carry Yin and embrace Yang
The two primordial breaths blend and produce harmony.

The Tao or “The Way of All Things” is a flow, an inter-penetration, an omniscience and an omnipotence and a homeostasis of both masculine and feminine, positive and negative principles

7000 years of Kundalini and the divine marriage

The elements of the Force and the Field were inscribed on a tortise shell 5000 or so years ago; “k’un” is of the earth; the feminine; the energy of life.

Hindu’s derived the name Cunti/Kundi and all its variations that have formed the roots of Country, Kind and Kildare; Kundalini as it is propogated by the purveyors of “authentic Western Guru’s” is nothing more than a thought-form (Tulpa) far removed from the Sanskrit roots of the word.

But then, the Primordial Feminine the first separation from the void is something that the conscious mind cannot manipulate or control for the simple reason that this one bit computer is nothing more than the product of one’s dis-eased feminine .. a feminine that is separated from the Void.

The Divine Marriage — cross culturally

The feminine is the field in the pairing of the force and the field; she is sometimes represented as ‘of the manifestation‘ … ‘of the earth‘. In the Christian prayer, we find “Thy Will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven“.

To most, she is mysterious, deep, dark sultry ..

She is Serena (from the Latin serene) unagitated; without losing self-possession; calm; tranquil; fertile; she was a ‘Golden Hind‘ (female deer) in ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys

She is also Tara, the devi Hindu Mahavidya, the saving aspect of the Goddess who in Buddhist terms is the female deity (devi) representing enlightened activity and fearlessness.

In Polynesian Mythology, she is the ‘sea goddess’; the ruler of the element of water.

But, she is also Diana the virgin, the equivalent of the Greek Artemis born with her twin brother Apollo.

And so, before it was corrupted, we have the story of the Virgin Mary — so much a parallel to the story of Kunti in the Mahabaratra

She is Ishtar .. the Assyrian and Babylonian counterpart to the Sumerian Inanna and to the cognate northwest Semitic goddess Astarte

Divine mysteries of Islam

Before Muhammad brought the religion of Islam to Arabia, the Arabs polytheistic (many gods) people. Hindu merchants frequently passed through Makkah, (now Mekka) a major trading hub.

Ancient Indian Vedic texts refer to Makkah as a place where Alla the Mother Goddess was worshiped. In Sanskrit, Alla means “mother.”

This name was connected to the Hindu Goddess Ila. She was the consort of the Hindu God Sivain his form known as Il, and this form of Siva was known and worshiped in pre-Islamic Makkah. A great deal of cultural and spiritual interchange took place between the merchants of Makkah and India.

Rumi (1207 – 1273) writes:

“Woman is the radiance of God; she is not your beloved.
She is the Creator—you could say that she is not created.”

So, once again, we have a whore word .. Alla as the divine feminine, the “moon”, the goddess of Fertility, the symbol of womanhood .. transliterated from Ancient Aramaic as “sin“. Moon was worshipped in its threefold existence – waxing, (maiden), full (pregnant mother) and waning (old wise woman). The Virgin was the New Moon.

Muyiddin ibn al- ′Arabî (born 1165) wrote,

“To know woman is to know oneself,
Whoso knoweth his self, knoweth his Lord”

.. and,

“man′s supreme witnessing of Allâh
is in the form of the woman during
the act of sexual union ..”

In the Kabbalah, just below the first Sphere (sefirah) of divine emanation known as Keter(crown; summit; pinnacle), lie the two roots of masculine and feminine, known as Hokhmah andBinah.

Binah is the Kabbalistic feminine symbol for Understanding, a prelude to wisdom. “Binah, the Great Mother, sometimes also called Marah, the Great Sea, is, of course, the Mother of All Living. She is the archetypal womb through which life comes into manifestation.”

Fatima

Fatima (the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad) was considered to come from the level of angels. She is considered by many Muslims as divine in origin and several variations of a major hadith describe how she was conceived on the night of Mi′râj (ascension).

On this night Gabriel took Muhammad to Jerusalem and then to Heaven. While up in Heaven, he was offered some heavenly fruit, the seed of which was responsible for her conception, after the Prophet′s return on the same night and making love to his beloved wife Khadija.

Mohammad, in referring to Fatima as “The Mother of her Father”, understood that his gnosis was bestowed upon him from the Divine Feminine. Fatima’s own words,

“There is no God beside me, neither in divinity nor humanity, neither in the Heavens nor on earth, outside of me, who am Fatima – Creator.”

and what would all of this mean to a Rule whose sole purpose was the control and manipulation of all of its people through the establishment of a Patriarchal “God” — of course, you’d have to be born of original sin.

Isis and the Throne

Isis is the Greek form of more ancient names (Aset or Eset), and the name Isis is represented in hieroglyphics with a picture of a “throne”.

The throne represented the Feminine power of the Goddess, and the King when he ascends the throne, is actually drawing power from the throne upon which he sits.

The Wedding

To the pre-Christian Irish, water was the source of all life. Eire, after whom the country was named, was the superior Goddess of water and fertility, the island of Ireland being the body of the goddess. The Irish language has no word for the coronation of a king. This is because Irish kings were not crowned; they were married to the goddess in a ceremony called An Bainais – the wedding.

Therefore, we see the Divine Feminine, as the Source of Life, being expressed first by the means that humans may understand the Divine Feminine, in other words, Wisdom, being a feminine word, second, by the most holy names which express in a universal way (spanning cultures as varied as Egyptian, Hittitie and Celtic) that the Source of Life is the Divine Feminine.

Rumi again writes ..

“On Resurrection Day, the sun and moon are released from service:
and the eye beholds the Source of their radiance,
then it discerns the permanent possession from the loan,
and this passing caravan from the abiding home.
If for a while a wet nurse is needed,
Mother, return us to your breast.
I don′t want a nurse; my Mother is more fair.
I am like Moses whose nurse and Mother were the same.

Tantra

The basic tenet of Tantrism is that matter, and therefore the body, is also a manifestation of Sakti power, that is, the power emanating from the feminine aspect of Divine Reality. In the domain of the spiritual life, the same term Sakti signifies the devi that allows one to enter into contact with Enlightenment.

She is both the key and the mystery;
who can be decoded only through Muladhara …

The child is Brahma; the Goddess is Dakini

Muladhara bears the Sanskrit letters va, scha, sha, and sa and the seed sound in the centre is lam

I am … the mother of my father and the daughter of my son

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