You Make Me Want To Look Pretty

You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
Because that is what I am.
I am all of this at my core love.
And I know that you can see it.
I know that you feel me at my deepest,
and that you hunger for me to give you more of myself.
You light me up.
You make me feel joyous.
You turn me on at a spiritual level.
You ignite my soul.
Your energy,
your support,
your words of encouragement,
the way you smile and say nothing at all.
You tell me that I am beautiful.
You make me want to reveal my all to you.
I want to spread my wings,
and let you in.
I want to be captured by the light that your eye’s reflect back to me.
I want all of this.
Because I am all of this.
And you see me.
You call me out in my dark hours.
You resist my attempts to hide my beauty.
You dig in my caves and you ask for more treasure.
And you know that it is treasure.
The treasure of my soul.
The treasure of my truth.
And you see me.
You are not blinded by the tales of others.
You are not hindered by the notions of the world around us.
No, you choose.
And you consistently choose,
to see me.
And for this my love,
You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
I want to show you who I am.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to crave me.
To taste more of me.
I want to open,
open wide in love to you.
Because it is with your onlooking,
that I can see myself.
It is through your eye’s that I take down my masks.
The veils of my fear fall to the ground,
they are not needed,
in your embrace.
Yes, my love.
You have that way about you.
You have the presence.
The love.
The attention.
That my soul desires.
I want to suck you up and never let you go,
and I want you to do the same of me.
Absorb me love.
Hold me love.
And savor.
Because this is me.
This is my beauty.
This is my soul.
And it is naked before you.
asking for your presence.
Basking in your sight.
Becoming juicy at your touch.
Yes this my love is me.
And because you see me,
I am standing stronger.
Because the way that you look at me,
I know that you know me.
I know that you feel me.
I know that we are the same.
And so as I stand here,
eye to eye,
you look back from the mirror,
and you say,
” I love you. You are beautiful.”
And yes my love you are correct.
For this is me.
And this is you.
And we are one.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

You would be perfect if you were different.

 
“I love your strength.
I love your independence.
I love your drive.
I love your passion.
Your creativity.
Your intelligence.
Your sexiness.
Your playfulness.
Your beauty.
Your light.
 
You make me want to be a better person.
You make me feel so good.
You make me so happy,
so free and turned on to life.
I feel like I can do anything.
 
You are perfect.
I love you so much.
 
But why my love do you not answer me in the way that I desire?
Why do you not feel the way I wish you did about our love,
about our relationship?
Why my love are you so aloof at times?
Too busy…
Too busy for me.
 
Why do you flirt and play with others,
so carefree and unfazed?
With that smile.
That laugh.
That light shining so bright.
And not with me in that moment.
It’s like you don’t need me.
Does our love mean nothing to you?
 
 
When you are with me, the world is perfect.
When you are away from me my world is dark.
There is a void that is too much to bare and I feel like I am suffocating from its immense emptiness.
I fear I am not good enough.
That you want for something more.
I fear loosing you,
and so I wish that you were different.
Not in any of the ways that you are perfect.
 
No.
 
I want you to remain all of that.
But I want you to need more of me.
I want you to be by my side more.
To share more in each day.
I want you to focus just on us.
I want you to desire only my attention.
 
I don’t want you to take time away from us to be around another.
I don’t want you to ignore me in any way.
I don’t want you to flirt and play with others.
I don’t want you to get caught up in what you are doing and forget about me, if even for a day.
 
I need you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I need you to be here more for me.
I need you to value my emotions more.
I need you to make me happy all the time.
I need you to be what you are not.
 
You would be perfect if you were different.
But alas my love you are not.
And this makes me mad.
It makes me sad.
It makes me wish I did not exist on some days.
My heart hurts so bad.
I wish it would stop.
I wish that you understood my pain.
I wish you could feel my love more.
I wish that it mattered more to you.
I wish that you were different.”
 
How does this tale resonate with you my dear?
Can you feel the pain of the lovers heart.
How we humans desire for all these beautiful characteristics in our mates and want for them to want so much of us as well. To be our everything and us theirs.
 
We lay our emotions,
our moods and mental health into the arms of another.
Thinking that this is what love is.
If only they loved us then they would care enough to change their ways and be more of what we need.
They would bend over backward to make sure that we were stable in our vibration.
They would make sure to not rock our hearts.
They would make sure that they did what we needed.
If only they loved us the way we love them.
 
Right?
 
WRONG!
 
The above is nothing of love.
It is of addiction and need.
It is co-dependency at its finest.
And the sheer fact that we desire for all these beautiful characteristics from our mate but need them to be the opposite for us to “feel love” which is not love but need is revealing just how conditional our relationship truly is.
 
The feeling of love never comes from another.
It comes from the great love that each of us hold within us.
When we are in relationship, the relationship highlights that which has always been present within us.
When we turn this power over to the other person,
we become a victim to the ebb and flow of the others life and emotions. We disown ourselves and create an unhealthy relationship that is not based on love, but based on fear of loss of the relationship.
 
When we look to our relationship for security in life,
for our source of joy, peace, happiness or love, we deny ourselves of our truth and we are not in soul alignment.
The fear of loss is signal to this fact.
When we are feeling worry about loosing,
fear about not being good enough,
or a neediness of another we are not standing in our own power. Thus being a victim to the moment. The relationship and our expectations of what we have come to call our relationship reality or norm.
 
And so we focus in on what the other is not giving us.
We become determined to fix it.
To fix them.
To make them understand.
Because if they love us then they will want to do this.
 
The issue is that a consciously aware, embodied person who is turned on to life and in love with themselves and thus stable in who they are cannot become a person living from this other state of being without destroying who they are and becoming something else.
 
They must remain true to who they are.
And this truth is what makes them:
Strong
Independent.
Driven.
Passionate.
Creative.
Intelligent.
Sexy.
Playful.
Beautiful.
Lit Up.
 
It’s what makes them SOULFUL.
And makes you feel like you can conquer the world when they are in yours.
 
In order to keep a soulful person in your life,
the only answer is to BECOME ONE YOURSELF.
 
Which means to get selfish.
And fall in love with your beautiful self.
See your power and STOP giving it away.
Stop being needy, and dependent on anyone to “make you happy.”
Stop masking your sh*t and do your internal work.
Your soul work.
Get right with who you are.
Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MY LOVE.
 
Claim Your Life Today!
 
“Stop Existing & Start Living”
 
Message me for deets on my VIP Coaching to Live Your F*ck Yes! Life NOW!

Sex, Love and Fear.

Snuggles.
Intimacy.
Kisses.
Time shared.
SEX!

Mmmmmmmm….. sounds good, huh?
Sounds like something you want.
That you desire more of in your life.
Me too!

I sit here this morning contemplating so many things,
and I often find myself excavating past lessons so that I do not repeat them in current time and space.
As I analyze things, especially how I choose to do relationship I see how difficult I might be to have a serious one with.
And I do not believe that it is the fact that I enjoy multiple people in my life that is the difficult thing.
What is difficult for most is my integrity about it.
I share openly about my feelings.
About my past.
About my desires.
I share how I feel.

The issue is that we are taught that we should not want anything more than the relationship we have.
That the relationship we have is to complete us,
to make us happy, and to provide all our needs.
If it does not then under no conditions should you turn to someone else to get this met.
ESPECIALLY someone you may be attracted too or them to you.

I hear the statement,
” Be cautious of the situation you put yourself in.”

I hear the concern in this statement.
I hear the plea of if you hang around people you like, are attracted too then you may stray,
and straying equates to you leaving.
Because you have to make a choice.
Because there is ONLY so much love to go around.
Because you cannot have multiple relationships successfully.
Because it makes ME uncomfortable.

Okay, here is where I get a little uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in my truth.

My truth is that I can NEVER go back to a way of living where I shut myself down from the world,
from other people,
and/or from men.
I f-cking love my male friends and lovers.
Whether current lovers of not, I may be enjoying time with them.
And when it is imposed on me that I need to not do this,
I feel shackles being put on me and on my emotions,
my heart,
my desires,
my energy.
And YES you better believe I will be making a choice.

I am poly my nature.
In all things I do.

I do love many.
I do enjoy many.
And may be likely to have intimacies in multiple ways with a few.

The one’s who capture my heart,
capture my essence for a season of our lives dancing together,
are the one’s who are confident enough in themselves and who get the difference between love and need.
Who can embrace my feminine wave of love.
These are the ones or THE ONE that will hold me a lifetime.

Now I am not speaking on sex here.
When I say intimacy,
I mean depth in revealing.
Sex can be this intimacy,
however sexing will only be as deep and intimate as we allow ourselves to be revealed in it.
Sex can just be that, sex.
It can be friction based and meaningless.

Sex does not mean love.
Sex does not mean commitment.
Sex does not mean intimacy.

Sex is a communication tool,
a physical communication tool .
And if you show up at only a surface level in your daily interactions with a lover,
then your sexing will only mimic the same.
Surface sex.
If you have depth, intimacy, surrender, authenticity in your daily interactions then your sex can go to this level as well,
or it can still be held in a place of disconnect if we are letting everything be heard in other ways but are scared to speak our truth in the bedroom.

Sex DOES NOT mean intimacy.
or love.

It can however deepen our intimacy and love.
It all depends on our level of surrender with our partner.

In the land of poly,
many believe that poly means to have multiple sexual partners. But this is not true,
poly is about something much more frightening than sex.
It is about LOVE.

Loving multiples.
And in love we can go deep with someone,
and we might open the gateway to sex.
Good sex.
Might I even say gourmet sex?
Because of the love,
because of the more authentic relating.

But poly DOES NOT equate to sex,
lot’s of sex,
or sex with many.

You can be monogamous in your sexing, 
and polyamorous in your relating and intimacy sharing.

And you can have success in this.
Just like you can have success in an open relationship with open sexing, or a swinging relationship.
Just like you can have success in a monogamous relationship.

A successful relationship is not about the sexual labels you put on it.

It is based on the confidence that each party has in themselves first, the self-love they have, and their ability to show up authentically in the realtionship. Which means authentic communication.

Year spent together does not equate a successful relationship.

Happiness does.
Unconditional love, and forward moving growth,
individually and together gives you opportunity to have this.

The most happy people on the planet are the one’s who have multiple close relationships. The healthiest people are the same.
Healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.
All requires intimacy shared.

Closing yourself off to the world is a death sentence in an essence.

Closing yourself off to the world and ONLY allowing intimacy to be shared with but ONE is putting all your eggs in one basket and putting an unrealistic expectation on the ONE. As well, as expecting that you as an individual can survive with only this one food source.

Because relationships are food.
They are emotional, mental, spiritual food.
They effect our body, mind and soul.
They impact us at a deep level.
And not having them does not mean that we are not effected.
Avoidance of relationship DOES equate avoidance of your heart and soul.
It is hiding from all the intimacy and truth that you are meant to share.

We hide out of fear of getting hurt.
We choose to not get involved,
to not catch feelings,
out of fear of getting burned.

If we do step into a relationship,
we then revamp our whole world and expect our partner to do the same, by not having relationship outside of the primary relationship. Often this simply means to pull away from anyone that there may potentially be “feelings” for.
And we do this out of fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of having too much love.
We close off because our ego’s affirm to us that it is not safe to love.

NEWSFLASH!
Love will not hurt you.
Love is not limited.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

So why do we fear it so?
Why do we handcuff it so?
Why do we cover it with our self-centered need?

Because we do not understand.
And we equate many a thing to be love.
We fear what we do not know.
We fear what we cannot control.
We fear that we will loose if we love,
therefore we choose to turn our backs on love,
as we embrace its doppelganger of lust and need.

Authentic loving,
is authentic relating.
Authentic intimacies,
come in many ways and are what brings joy and surrender to all relationship.

Sex is never a reason to fear loss.
Love will never create loss.

The only reasons we change seasons with a relationship is because we have either out grown the relationship or have not grown to the next level within it,
or it was based on need ( not love) and those needs are no longer being met.

Level up your love life,
by tapping into your authentic self.
Embody yourself and open to love.
This is the answer to your happily ever after.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.

Warrior of the Goddesses Heart

I know what I want.
I know my desire.
I feel my heart yearning.
Calling for me to breathe,
breathe life back into it.
To not fear love.
Or to be loved.
To not belittle love,
offered at my doorway.

I hear my lovers words,
the sweetness they make,
the commitment they stand before,
the desire that erupts in them,
and the love.
The love that they are carried on.

I hear him share his heart,
I feel his soul hold space,
for me as I share in return.
I share my fear.
I share my struggle,
I share my desire.
And I want to run.

Can he be the one that can hold me?
Is he willing to really love me?
Or will he crumble
from my weight,
the weight of who I am
and all I want to become.

His words are nothing new to my ears.
Unfortunate tales that many a sailor in my feminine currents have sung before him.

They all long to be the one.
They long to capture my heart.

They enjoy my body,
they are intrigued by my mind,
they get lifted by my spirit,
but they know that the true battle,
the crusade is for my heart.

And it is a heart that has been scorned,
a heart that has been tossed away as it opened deeper.

My lover looks at me with loving eyes,
he aims to penetrate my soul,
he desires for me to feel his commitment,
his certainty,
he is confident that he can hold me
and dance in my fire.

His voice echos words of my past loves.
He shares he does not want me to change.
He does not want to control me.
That he,
yes he can love me and I am not to much.

I feel his heart,
I hear his belief,
but these words are easy to say,
while you sit by the fire and get caught up in its mystery.
What will he do when my fire escapes its container?
What will he do when it desires to over take his heart?
When it burns,
burns in its glory,
in its beauty.

Sure he will enjoy its dance,
but will he be able to handle it being ignited?

Through time and space we dance,
we open and close.
I look away but for a second,
as I sense him leaning in.
My soul wants to be taken.
My heart wants to be penetrated.
But alas,
the fear conquers them.
It masks the emotions that beg to be seen,
and it makes me retreat.

Retreat once again,
I will.
Back into my lonely cave.
Where I feel safe.
Safe in my not having.
Safe in my not being seen,
if even for a bit longer.
Yet he still see’s me.
And I know this.
He leans in further,
his lips softly open,
he asks for a kiss.

My heart shakes,
it rumbles in fear and excitement.
For all it ever wants,
wants to be chased,
wants to be desired,
wants to be opened,
wants to not be given up on.

In its wanting,
he steps a bit further into the fire,
and proclaims his presence.
Asking for my depth.
Asking for my emotion.
Asking for my fire.

And so it is,
that I breathe in.
Just one breath,
just one perhaps.

And answer him in the only way I can,
in this moment.
This perfect moment of our lives.

“As you wish.”
Comes from my lips as we meet once again.

————————–————————–

To all those who have loved and lost,
loved deeper than they can ever share,
who have tasted true love and will never settle for anything less than.

To all those who have stood in the goddesses fire,
who have been burned, who have been mesmerized by its flames and desired to conquer it.

To all those who want to feel its ignition,
who believe that they can hold it.
And dance with it.

Much love to you this day.
Open yourselves to love,
as it is what makes you feel alive.
It births your soul into all it desires,
all it needs and can be.

And let yourself be seen.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

 

When Too Much isn’t Enough.

I am too much.
Truly I am.
The way I share,
the way I love,
the way I enjoy,
the way I act,
the way I sex,
the way I can let go,
the way I parent,
the way I live.
 
It is all too much and then some.
Yet I am happy being too much.
Even though it costs me relationships,
arguments, hurt feelings and lot’s of change.
I am too much,
and it is just who I am.
 
But my too much,
is still not enough,
because my too much,
won’t give you what you want and may need.
 
How can this be?
Too much is not enough???🤔
 
You see it is the very fact that in being too much,
I push the limits.
I push the limits on everything,
especially on love, on relationship, on sex and my over all way of living.
Too much means that I am demanding in these things.
Too much means that I know what I want,
and I am not afraid to go after it.
Too much means that if I feel like I need more of something or that I cannot achieve it in the way before me that I will go and get it another way,
and tell you about it.
Too much means that I share.
I share in massive amounts,
because I want you to know.
I want you to step into the pool of living with me,
in integrity.
I want to grow,
and experience,
and I want to do it with those who want it too.
The other too muchers out there.
 
Yes, too much means that I understand that life is very polyamorous in so many ways. I know that my heart can expand to the depths, to the horizons that I choose. I know that I can love many and deeply. And I do.
 
I do this daily.
I do it openly,
and it makes me too much.
For many.
 
My too much is not enough,
even though you proclaim it is everything.
My too much is not enough,
even though you claim not to want to change me.
My too much is not enough,
even though you enjoy when it suites your desires.
My too much is not enough,
because it will push you to your limits.
It will make you uncomfortable.
It will test your heart.
It will call to your soul.
It will demand for you to fly or to walk away.
 
I am too much,
and it is a life long heartache,
as I share of my too muchness,
with those who love it and then hate it.
I am too much and with it comes the pain of loss,
as people ebb and flow,
and say they cannot do it.
With feeble excuses,
they move into knew life choices,
they run away from my too much,
to all that is comforting and less challenging.
 
Here is the reality of life for anyone who is truly too much.
We share deeply of ourselves,
we love deeply of those who dance with us in moments of our lives,
and we know that our too much will burn them.
And with the fire they will run.
Run into the arms of another.
Run into the comforts of average.
Run into the excuses of ego,
of jealous,
pride,
fear.
Run.
Run.
Run.
 
Yes that is what will happen,
because my too much is not enough.
And it will push you into the pain of reality.
The pain that you cannot hold me.
You cannot control me.
You cannot conquer me.
You can only dance with me.
And dance I will for hours and days,
for months and years,
and even decades.
But it is ultimately your choice,
how long the dance lasts.
 
Grow and expand.
Breathe in the feelings.
Breathe in the beauty,
the boldness,
the joy,
the play,
the adventure.
But heed the desire to stop it’s flow,
for in that moment is when the dance will end.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.
 

The Goddesses Dragon – My Tale of Surrender to the Masculine

He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.

He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.

He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
this light,
this power,
the dragon.

Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.

Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.

But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.

And this gentleman,
this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.

And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.

Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.

She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.

Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.

She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
She laughs,
she cries,
and she opens a bit more.

This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.

She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.

Explore together.
The depths of their souls.

And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.

They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.

Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.

Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

An Ode to the Gentleman.

You say you can hear my smile in my voice.

You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…

It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.

You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.

You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.

You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.

You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
and
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.

Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.

So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.

In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.

And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
and smile.
I feel like your queen.

Cherished.
Adored.
and
Desired.

You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.

To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
and surrender,
once more.

To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
Thank you.

You are loved and needed.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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Pull Your F-cking Head Out of Your Ass and Get a Life of Your F-cking Own Syndrome

It has been a VERY long day.
One where I have spent the entire day avoiding my hormones,
avoiding my desire to just scream,
and cry, and bitch about everything.
 
Originally, I was going to write about starting your day with orgasm, and how wonderful that is. I thought that would be a wonderful share as I had a great night of some good sexing and woke up this morning turned on and even masturbated.
 
So orgasm was strong in my body.
However, my day quickly turned gears.
I found myself battling for the space to just write in my daily journal for about 4 hours.
 
The distractions came from everyone in my life.
My period not helping me hold back my frustration.
I felt on edge ALL stinking day.
 
Keeping in mind the wise parenting advice that I have held near and dear for 23 years of being a mom,
 
” Pick your battles.”
 
So here I am at midnight,
after a day of picking my battles and getting distracted.
 
Here I am FINALLY writing this brief tid bit of rawness.
 
And what am I sharing on this evening?
I am sharing on an extremely important topic.
One that I believe is one of the BIGGEST issues in relationship today.
 
My day has been a day that was filled with it.
Multiple sources brought it to me.
I had to breathe through it many times today.
As I was focused on , “picking my battles.”
 
This though is an on going battle in my home and life and perhaps for you it may be in your’s as well.
 
I AM NOT AND CANNOT BE YOUR EVERYTHING.
NOR DO I WANT TO.
 
Yes here ya go folks.
Here is my share.
 
Do you feel like your partner,
your lover,
your friend,
your sibling,
or any other relationship
 
needs to be your everything?
 
Maybe you are on the same side as me on this topic and you feel like you are being expected to be someone’s everything.
 
It’s f-cking exhausting isn’t it?
There is no freaking’ way that any of us can do this for another.
 
yet so often this is the issue in our relationships.
We get into a relationship with someone,
and we make them our everything.
we loose our individuality.
we stop going out alone or with others,
we dedicate our every breath to this other person,
and when they don’t reciprocate,
we get pissed.
we feel hurt.
we wonder why we are not good enough, ‘or why they don’t care.
After all we have done so much for them,
why can’t they just see that and appreciate it?
 
why can’t they just let go of everything else in their world and make us their #1?
 
It’s just not fair.
It’s always us getting hurt.
 
In steps JEALOUSY.
In steps our need to control.
We have to control this situation, or we will not feel loved,
seen, appreciated.
 
We have to point to all those things that are taking our desired relationship away from us.
 
Making it hard for us to connect.
Making it hard for them to see us.
 
So we push a little harder.
We beg a little more.
We stomp our feet, slam doors, and act like we are three again.
We retract our love to show them what they are missing.
We wave our pissed off flag around,
hoping that they will notice,
 
But they just seem to carry on without us.
Or they cave and let our juvenile ways win for now.
 
So they smile.
So they say sweet things.
So they comfort us one more time,
putting our fears of loosing them to the side temporarily.
 
But then God dang it.
They turn right back around,
like nothing happened.
Like our pain was never there,
and MOTHER F-CKER.
 
They go back out with those other people.
They laugh and enjoy life on their own,
They just keep moving through their day,
as though we are not here.
 
JEALOUSY.
The sad truth in this tale is that the fear of loosing the relationship is most certainly going to happen when someone keeps pushing and suffocating another like this.
 
The truth is, that any relationship needs to be based in authentic desire to be in relationship with us.
 
It needs to be based on individuals who are not needy to the point of suffocating each other.
Have lives of their own, and come together to support and compliment each other in life.
 
If you are loosing yourself in a relationship.
if you are feeling needy to the point of jealousy.
If you are pissed off at the other individual for being just that, an individual.
If you are pissed off at the other individual for not making you their #1 in everything, or dropping other relationships for you.
 
Then you may be suffering from , ” Pull Your F-cking Head Out of Your Ass and Get a Life of Your F-cking Own Syndrome.”
 
This syndrome has some key symptoms:
* You cannot let the other person be alone without you for more than 10 minutes.
* You always make your opinion supportive to what the other’s is or might be.
*You try to hard to please the other person ALL THE TIME.
* You are fearful of being yourself or stating your truth to the other.
* You will change who you are to make sure you don’t loose the relationship.
* You get upset about the person having or doing things with others, even though you smile and tell them its okay.
* You cannot go and do much of anything without the other person, and you don’t want to.
 
 
This syndrome causes relationship breakup when you try to take over a non-codependent person’s life with it.
 
If you are like me,
then this sort of syndrome makes you want to run the other direction.
 
Drop the person like a hot potato.
And count your blessings that you caught it in time.
 
In my personal opinion there is not much more unattractive then this syndrome.
 
If you are a person suffering from this syndrome,
well I am sorry.
 
Truly I am.
It is time to put on your BIG KID panties and realize that healthy relationships DO NOT operate like this.
 
It is time for you sweet soul, to learn who you are.
Get right with JUST BEING YOU.
Learn to love you.
And start to enjoy life,
which means to have more than JUST ONE in your life.
 
We are human beings and we are built for community.
We need relationships.
 
Multiple relationships.
We need to get our needs met in many ways and by multiple sources ( people).
 
NO ONE CAN BE SOMEONE ELSE’S EVERYTHING!!!!
This is putting an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation on the relationship and on the person.
 
If you claim to care about the relationship
about the other person,
about you,
 
Then go get your shit in order.
get a life of your own,
and STOP EXPECTING anything from anyone.
 
ESPECIALLY THAT THEY ARE YOUR EVERYTHING.
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

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Here Comes the KNOWING

Have you ever had one of the moments where you feel like you just KNOW what is going to happen before it does?

One of those moments where you could swear you were psychic even?

Where for whatever reason, God blessed you with a KNOWING?

I get these often in life.
Always have.
The more alignment I get with my soul,
the more they happen too.
I should be grateful for them,
and often I am.

However the pain that comes from some of them is never much fun.

In some crazy way, it does allow for me to prepare for storms.
The thing that many of my “psychic” moments predict is a loss of integrity in relationships.

It is as though those that are the closest to me, also believe that they will not be seen for their truth. And perhaps they would not if there were not these messages being received.

I am amazed in moment’s like this, of how accurate and quick formulating some things are.

It never fails, I always think I am having some crazy ass thought, that makes no sense. I question myself as to where the heck such an image or thought would come from, and then BAM just hours or a few days later these events come to pass. And i am given confirmation.

This KNOWING.
It is soul alignment.
It is a message from soul, alerting us to become more of a witness.
To pay closer attention to what is happening in our midst, and to TRUST.
Trust out intuition.
Trust our gut reactions.
And lean in.

These messages are here to help us prepare.
Help guide us.
So that we are not always operating from a place reaction,
but can become more proactive and on purpose in our dealings.

Now, I get these messages, these soul observations on “good” and “bad”events.

They come through in feelings,
They come through in visions,
They come through in dreams,
They come through in written words,
or even what you could say are signs.

I believe that God is always speaking to us.
His guidance is always with us.

We close ourselves to these messages because they make zero to no sense to our logical mind,
We cannot understand how they are possible so we disregard them,
then act in shock when things come to pass.

These KNOWING moments.
They are a blessings.
Even when they hurt.

It is said that all the great visionaries, leaders and game changers of time learned to trust these events.

SO why don’t we?

Why do we hide from our inner knowing?
Allowing our ego’s to mask what our soul knows.

Here is yet, one more thing.
One more opening,
for evolution.
For personal growth.
For FAITH.

God has our back and speaks to us daily.
The only question to ever ask is,
“Am I open to hear what God has to share?”

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Our field – Meet Me There My Love.

“Beyond all ideas of right and wrong there is a field, I will be meeting you there.”- Rumi

 
In the stillness of my sleep,
I wake with my mind stirring,
my heart tensing.
 
The hunger for your touch once again,
and the realization that so much has changed within me,
could I ever allow the touch I crave so deeply to happen,
if ever presented,
if ever offered,
would I?
 
My heart aches this morn.
My mind questions reality.
Questions love.
Questions my own sanity.
 
How can I crave so deeply that,
that has hurt me so much?
 
How can I desire that,
that betrayed our love so fiercely?
 
Yet I do.
 
I lay here in the darkness of the morning hours.
Imagining your touch.
I feel you writing love notes on my flesh as I sleep.
I feel your breath on my neck.
Your fingers in my hair.
I hear you singing songs to me,
as your eye’s sparkle with love that radiates through us both.
I smell the scent of roses,
from our sexing.
 
Memories flash through my minds eye,
tormenting my heart and soul.
Parading before me in their dance,
pulling on the strings that you still hold the reigns too.
 
I am far from free.
I am the shadow in your life that you long not to shed light on.
I am far from free.
I am the reason your heart to beats a little faster still.
That voice in your mind that speaks to you when you cannot escape your soul.
That is our connection still.
Those reigns you tug on them.
Miles distance us.
Time passes all too slowly.
We make love to others,
We build memories without each other,
We move forward,
and our souls,
our souls pull.
 
I am not free.
As well as you.
 
I know that time has moved us.
I know that time has changed us.
I know that things will never be again,
the same.
 
Yet I crave.
I hunger.
I wake in the night hours haunted,
You come to me then.
You come to me all to often.
I adore the moments when I feel you close.
I adore the moments that my heart quivers with a flutter of memory,
the pain of your love is addictive.
I dance between casting you away,
and calling you in.
 
My desires feel wrong.
Feel crazy at best.
Beyond all ideas of right and wrong,
there is a field,
It is our field.
It always has been.
It is where I go in these dark morning hours when you wake me from my slumber.
When you speak to me in my dreams.
It is this field between right and wrong,
where I will meet you once again.
 
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”
 
It is our field.
We have gone to far.
The depth of this connection,
It will carry through this lifetime,
and a thousand more.
 
There is a field.
Meet me there my love.
So we might free ourselves.
 
-KW

Stop Existing & Start Living