WHY I DON’T DO BRITH CONTROL HORMONES…

 

WHY I DON’T DO BIRTH CONTROL HORMONES….

 

And WHY I don’t believe that any conscious woman should.

 

Say what?

That sounds crazy right?

Birth control is a smart thing.

And science has created a way for us to take charge of if we have children or not. There are so many options in today’s world from a multitude of birth control pills, shots, films, sponges, rings, etc. etc.

 

Not only are we protected 99.9% from unwanted pregnancy but we also can have clearer skin, lighter periods even fewer periods and have certainty as to when our flow is. Something that can get altered when you are not on hormone based birth control.

 

Birth control puts the woman in a power position for sure.

But here is the thing…

Before you string me up to crucify me and say well Kendal, no wonder you have seven children, you don’t do birth control. I want to share a few scientific things with you after my intimacy share on my seven children.

 

You see many years ago, like 29 years ago I was fifteen years old.

I was a virgin. Never even been kissed. And I had regular periods that were always on time, I had clear skin because I have always been conscious of the food going in my body, my skin’s health and hydration. So no pimply faced girl here, even back then.

AND there were zero boys in my world.

But my mom, being a concerned mom for her little girl that was becoming a woman took me to the gyno and told me that I needed to get on birth control to….(ready for the silliness…)

 

Get my period regulated and help with my skin, limit my breakouts.

 

My argument was that I did not want chemicals in my body when there was no reason for them.  And the reasons given made no sense for all that I already shared that my mom knew clearly.

But mom said, so I did.

 

But I started taking birth control pills regardless of the facts.

Of course not long thereafter a boy popped up in my world.

And after a year of dating we had sex.

Unprotected sex because I was on the pill, so we had nothing to worry about.

We had a ton of unprotected sex.

Because there was nothing to worry about.

And no one bothered to inform me of anything different.

Condoms were known of,

they were spoken of,

but no one made a big deal out of them,

it was all about the pill.

Time went on and the boy and I broke up.

I quickly ( like 3 months later, quickly) found myself in bed with a man, who would become my husband shortly thereafter. We moved quickly into sex, unprotected sex because we had nothing to worry about, I was on the pill.

Well life got crazy, and I missed a pill.

Not knowing that I was fertile myrtle, I ended up pregnant right off the bat from one missed pill.

Welcome to the world child #1.

After birthing her, I got back on the pill,

one month I developed a bladder infection and took medication for it that canceled out my birth control but the doctor did not warn me and I was young and undereducated, and so welcome child #2.

Then… then I got smart…

I decided to get this new thing called the Depo Shot…

and my marriage was unhappy as hell so I ended up cheating on my husband, well the Depo Shot had no clue how fertile I was, because somehow someway it did not work and welcome child #3.

I had no clue what had taken place and my doctor suggested that I go on this other new birth control pill because it was to be really good, AND it supposedly would not cause the weight gain, the mood changes or fatigue that I was getting from the Depo Shot…

and so I did.

Well life got stressful again,

and we moved residences, we fought horribly, we moved again, and somehow in the midst of the chaos I ended up pregnant again.

Welcome child #4.

I grew tired of all the keeping track of four children under 10 and the pill that had to be taken at the same time each day or it would fuck up, plus my moods were no better. I was feeling lost in myself.

So I went back to the Depo Shot, thinking that maybe after all these years it got better. At very least I only had to deal with it once every three months.  In the midst of depression and despair I found myself on the Depo Shot, 30 pounds heavier then what I should be and pregnant yet again with child #5. The doctor could not understand how I could get pregnant two times on the depo shot without any medication interference, but it happened.

And THEN my husband had had enough….

 

He got clipped.

And I got off ALL hormone based birth control.

And you know what happened?

I found myself again.

The weight dropped off with ease.

My mind cleared.

My mood stabilized.

My periods were not as fierce and painful.

My immune system improved.

I felt so much better.

but now I had one massive issue.

Every time I had sex with my husband,

my body rejected the sex.

I would break out in a burning mess.

My pussy was pissed at the experience.

And I was not wanting anything to do with him.

I was unattracted, turned off and could not bring myself to even really be willing to go into any sexual experience with him.

At one point I even thought I might be allergic to his semen.

And so that thought led me down a path of discovery.

Turned out that we women can be allergic to a man’s semen.

Also turns out that hormone based birth control has a major impact on a woman’s immune system, and moods.

And do you want to know what the most astounding tidbit that I discovered was and is the MAIN REASON why I am sharing this post… the main reason why I do not take it and instead preach condoms… (outside of the sheer fact that the birth control pill does not protect against disease of any sort)…

 

“…contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences, women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes. Prior studies have provided evidence for this hypothesis, indicating that women who had used hormonal contraceptives when they first met their partner and then ceased to take them experience lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction5 and are more likely to get divorced….” (Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., is a professor at the Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya. Psychology Today)

 

I believe that any conscious woman who wants to develop a truly loving and connected relationship with a man should be aware that if she is on a hormone based contraceptive that she is most likely not getting the right reading of the man.

 

It has been my discovery since the days of birth control and myself that my attraction is opposite to what it used to be.

 

After all we get into relationships not just for the purpose of starting up a family or getting a dad for our kids from our previous relationships. Typically we are looking for love and connection. We are wanting long term satisfaction, happiness and attraction to our mate. So why not create the most conscious space for it. A space where our body wisdom can be heard?

 

Of course that would also mean that we would have to be willing to want to hear it.

And even more importantly it would require all of us women who desire to be standing strong in our personal power to also be willing to speak our truth and ask for our needs to be met around sex and sexual practices more, instead of just spreading our legs and letting the men in our lives do as they want unconsciously.

 

It would require us to speak up about safe sex.

It would require us to value ourselves enough to not just ask but demand that protection be used,

and if we are truly not wanting to have any children to have the conversations with our partner(s) around this.

 

We are not taught as a people to have this sort of real, open relating. We are not taught as women that we can ask and even demand that our bodies be respected as we choose.

We are not warned of the possible and common complications that can impact our bodies as well as our desires and psyche from such things as contraceptives, but we are taught as women that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that we take care of that fertility thing.

 

I for one wish my mother had never stolen this right from me. I wish that my body had been given the opportunity to fully mature without extra hormones and all the issues that it has been known to cause on an undeveloped female productive system. I wish that I had been better educated in my youth about sex and sexual health and rights. I wish that someone had been there to guide me better and give me the option as to what to do with my body and explain everything instead of pushing me down what was considered normal and healthy, responsible.

 

At the end of the day,

The most loving and responsible thing we can do for ourselves as women and for the men we choose to do relationships with is to come into that relationship as OURSELVES.  Not altered by chemicals.

 

For the same reasons it is not a healthy practice to have sex drunk or under the influence of drugs,

we should not be having sex under the influence of hormones that are not of our own bodies design.

 

Perhaps we would find that more people would be happy in the relationship choices that they make.

Perhaps more people would not go through all the depression and lostness if they could be authentically themselves.

Perhaps more women would not be labeled “CRAZY” if they were not being bounced around by pharmaceuticals in the pursuit to make pregnancy all the woman’s responsibility and take away the responsibility of the men to be conscious of their bodies, their control and health.

 

Perhaps.

 

Just random thoughts from a mother of three daughters of her own. 

A woman who values her relationships with men, and wants to only get involved with those that are authentically “right” for me…

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Time to claim your truth is beautiful.

Time to say yes to valuing yourself, to loving yourself and knowing who you really are.

But in order to do this you have to desire to fall in love with the real you.

And if you are looking for love and success,

but wonder why it is always just out of grasp then maybe it’s really time for you to explore your truth.

From sexual health choices to learning your authentic yes and no,

you have never been told its okay to be YOU.

 

I am here to reveal to you that it is more than OKAY.

It is your duty to your happiness to do just that.

 

Reach out to me to discover options for coaching today.

THE NAMES MEN CALL WOMEN AND THE EFFECT THEY CAN HAVE.

SWEETIE. BABY GIRL. CUTIE. LITTLE LADY.
These are among some of my most hated terms.
When a man speaks these words to me,
they send me running energetically away from him.
Nothing is more disgusting than being referred to as a small cute child like soul when you are a grown ass woman.
It certainly is not sexy to be called these things,
unless you are among the pedofilies in the world who get off on such things.
And I guess according to laws that are being tossed around for approval right now,
pedofilia is “natural.”
So maybe I am wrong here in my views.
Maybe I just believe that sexual relationship and sexual come ons should be directed at consenting adults,
and to call a woman a girl is something belittling.
Perhaps.
Or perhaps the term “girl” “sweetie” or “baby girl” is conducive for women who are not comfortable in their sexuality, in their flesh and their stature as a woman.
Perhaps some appreciate to be called such names because they find safety in a man holding the power over them as such.
And believe me, I can understand the beauty and turn on in power play and that a woman in her feminine may appear more ditzy at times, lighthearted and playful. Almost a child like innocence to her character,
but calling a woman,
“little, cute, or girl” is certainly not words of affirmation about her powerful being, or strong sexuality, or sensualness.
Terms that relate to children in my opinion should just remain out of adult sexual play or courting.
But THAT is just me.
That is just what I am turned off too.
And the reality is that if you are turned on to it and you are a woman who loves to be be called “girl” for whatever reason,
then fucking go for it.
YOU DO YOU.
I stand firm in my opinion that there is not really anything that is abnormal or unhealthy about our sexual desires or differences.
Nothing except for when we wrap in children or animals.
Neither of these can authentically consent or have the mental/emotional capability of making a decision based on sound understanding, nor are they physically built for such acts.
But that is a whole different story,
one I could go deeply passionate about because of the shit transpiring in our world that everyone is wanting to hide and turn their attention from,
but it is so fucking real.
Anyway back to the name calling.
The thing I want to point out is a level of respect that names share.
The names that we choose to call people by telling a story of how we see that person, how we feel or think of them.
And then you have the flip side of that,
The names that we call people impact that person based on their past, and can trigger many emotions and responses.
Some can be wonderful and deep.
Some can be painful and shameful.
Some can trigger feelings of “You have no right.”
In other words,
you need to get to know the person you are calling on with such terms prior to just assuming that it is okay.
For example,
I hate being called “honey” but I allow one friend/lover to do such because it is his word with me. It has been built up over a decade of a deep friendship and intimacy and I actually feel an endearing to him when he checks in on me and says,
“honey.” But anyone else, OMFG! Just shut up and get away from me. Not okay.
I have a handful of men that I feel good about being called “babe” with, these men have a certain masculine vibe with me that it works. And they do not over use it. But when I get random messages on social media or a text from someone that is not at this level of my inner circle saying that, they get bitch-tood right back at them or ignored.
And the word “sweetie,” or “baby girl” or “cutie” — WELL THROW UP!
I don’t care who you are, it’s not working. Makes me want to grab someone by the balls and do not so nice things.
WHY?
Just because that is how I personally feel about these words.
They are fighting words to me if anything.
Many men like to call women “love” and it is a pretty general term these days,
I even catch myself saying it to people.
But not random people I have never met or do not know well enough to exchange terms of endearment with,
and I always make sure that the feelings are mutual and I am not crossing any lines.
But again,
many men tend to think it okay to approach out the gates with this comment,
believing that women will be captivated and I guess drop to their knees and say, “OMG where have you been all my life, I feel so much love coming from you, I just can’t control myself. I must get with you.” —- REALLY?
Said no confident woman ever to a man who drops a cheap ass line like that or any of the ones above.
Name calling is a big deal,
weather you want to believe it or not,
agree with my feelings on these names or not,
I can promise you one thing,
when someone calls you a name,
or you call someone a name,
you feel something,
and that impression that you feel sets a boundary.
Sets a tone to the whole relationship.
Just the other day a dear man in my life messaged me,
“Good morning Kendal.”
I have chosen to allow this man into my more intimate world,
into my inner circle and life and connect deeper with me. This has occurred over a year of deep relating and learning each other,
and so I responded back and said,
“Please call me Rene ( my middle name) it’s the name I choose to go by with those close to my heart.”
Now first, dear men reading this, if you are not this man or the few, and I mean VERY FUCKING few people that I am down for using my middle name, then please DO NOT message me saying “hey Rene”
that will not get you any brownie points.
Second, what I was sharing with him was my trust.
My heart and that I was wanting and willing to be more vulnerable, more seen with him.
That he had earned it by being a man that respected me in so many ways.
Had he played his cards different and called me by any of the names above on my DO NOT USE list,
well this would not have happened.
And then we would not be as close as we are either.
Name calling holds energy.
And this is what you need to understand.
Name calling says a ton about both sides.
Respecting someone,
loving someone means that you get to know them first and listen to their needs.
And guess what the first exchange in any relationship typically is?
Yes our name exchange.
So to make an assumption and start off with your choice of name just because that’s what you like,
that’s what you feel comfortable with,
is you disregarding the others feelings and doing potentially exactly what some of these names lay evidence too.
Make small of that person.
So get to know a person.
Respect a person.
And realize this,
WORDS HAVE POWER.
 
 
 
 
As Always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
 
 
 
What are you waiting for my love?
 
Let’s get you your power back.
 
October Asskickery Month is upon us almost and you are not signed up for 4 powerful asskickery sessions with me, where you get to take back the life that you have always desired.
 
 
 
 
Reach out to me for the 1:1 coaching opportunity TODAY and save almost $1000.00 Now.
 
 
 
 

YOU LOVE HER POWER BUT YOU FEAR IT AS WELL.

YOU LOVE HER POWER BUT YOU FEAR IT AS WELL.

 

The wild woman.

The seductress.

The lover.

Her beauty and mystery,

something that you desire to taste more of.

The way she moves,

the curl of her lips as she speaks.

You watch her every move wanting more.

She is free and open,

she laughs and plays as though she has an innocent heart,

but the fire in her eyes reveals a woman who knows herself,

a woman who was born to lead and command great army’s if need be.

You feel her power by just standing in her presence.

You feel her hunger when you come near.

She is wild and crazy,

she is untamable and unfiltered,

She is coy, collected and breathless.

 

And you want her.

You want to experience her touch,

her kiss, the smell of her soft skin.

You want to hold her gently as well passionately.

She tests your manliness,

she toys with your thoughts and energy.

She is deliberate.

And you know this.

But you want more.

 

Believing that you can hold her.

Believing that you can carry her.

Believing that you want nothing more than her radiant light to expand through all the heavens,

you cannot imagine a world without her beaming beauty and strength,

and yet you fear it.

 

Deep inside your being there is terror.

It is unsettling and true.

You do not feel worthy of her,

you question if you are strong enough.

She rattles your inner most cages and shakes you to your soul,

can you conquer this greatness of the wild woman,

and do you even truly want to?

 

Will she let you penetrate her soul?

Or will you just be among the many who have tried and only fell by entering her body?

 

You want to be the one.

You desire her so.

You want to be the one that takes her breath away,

the way she does yours.

 

And so you try….

you stand firm in her fires,

you open yourself to utter destruction.

You know that you love her,

and feel confident if just for this moment in time that you can hold strong and breathe her in and hold her.

But the wilderness of the wild woman’s soul is not to be captured nor contained by any.

She was born free and free she must remain.

She is a goddess,

she is a witch,

she is a siren,

and a Queen.

She knows her power and will allow for it only to be pushed down for so long,

and then you will feel her rise once again and claim her rightful throne,

and under her foot will fall many.

All those who wanted to own her,

to conquer and control.

These are the boys who thought they were men.

These are the men who thought they were kings.

But they shunned her light as they spoke sweet words of love.

They harnessed her joy as they held her tight in their insecurities.

They jailed her passion, her sensualness and power with their jealousy and fear.

And she allowed them.

She let them rule her for a time,

in hope that she could be happy.

Here in the misery of her weakened state,

her shadow.

 

She is a wild woman.

And in her beauty you will be lost,

you will desire and crave,

you will want for her light to never dim,

but will you be like all the rest who have fallen?

Claiming her as your own.

Trapping her power.

Wanting it all for yourself.

As if it were something that you could take or understand.

 

Far from average she is.

She was never meant to be tamed.

There is no domesticating a wild woman,

you would be wiser to destroy the most beautiful of stain glass windows, then to try.

If you love her let her remain free.

In spirit.

In power.

In love.

Watch her dance for you as she will.

She will make you laugh and feel full in her intoxicating ways.

Let her move you as only the wild can.

But never,  never hold on too tight.

Or know that her light may be put out with your hand.

 

Delicate and strong,

the wilderness will always call her.

She is a wild woman,

and you are but a man.

 

————————————————————————–

To all my beautiful wild women out there.

You know who you are. 🙂

My sisters you are deserving of kings,

enjoy all the men that you want,

but never settle for a throne that is not yours.

 

Hold your power and joy before you.

Feel into your hearts and pussies for answers,

ignore the trumpting judgments of those who do not see your truth and radiance,

they are blinded by the shadows of their own fear.

 

You are a wild woman and always will remain.

Open yourself to the universe,

open yourself once again to the gift of receiving.

It is here in your womb that you know your truth.

Listen with your heart of the wild.

 

Now run forward my fellow Queen.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

What are you waiting for my love?

Let’s get you your power back.

October Asskickery Month is upon us almost and you are not signed up for 4 powerful asskickery sessions with me, where you get to take back the life that you have always desired.

 

Reach out to me for the 1:1 coaching opportunity TODAY and save almost $1000.00 Now.

 

PHOTO CREDIT @DANDELION iMAGES

I FUCKING LOVE MEN!

I FUCKING LOVE MEN!
I do.
I always have,
Always will.
No matter how they bring my heart pain sometimes,
To me men are amazing in so many ways.
Everywhere, from a man who knows truly how to touch a woman,
Deeper then the flesh,
To the soul.
Letting her feel his heart,
To a man’s ability to lead.
To direct and see the pathways needed to solve a challenge.
Men are truly wonderful.
When they are conscious.
When they are confident.
When they are open and playful.
When they know thier worth,
When they allow themselves to be true to themselves.
Men are wonderful.
This week has been filled with so many yummy men for me.
I have had the pleasure of dancing in at least a dozen men’s masculine light,
Feeling thier joy, their fear, their pain and desire.
And in spending these moments with these men,
My heart expands.
My desire grows to be penetrated deeply by the masculine.
I am not referring to sexual penetration here,
Although that’s awesome as well.
But what I am speaking of is the deep heart penetration that a man can offer a woman in his surrender to himself.
That revealing he can gift a woman with when he drops his guards and trusts, if just for a moment in time her presence.
Allowing himself to be grounded there with her.
Giving himself permission to breathe and recieve her light.
Yes this is the deep penetration that I desire to expand,
And this week has gifted me with quiet a few moments that ignite this desire.
This week has offered me just this level of depth with the masculine and it makes me crave more.
To witness the playful heart of a man as he steps himself into feeling his turn on,
As he embraces his love for what appears to be just out of reach.
To listen to the divine masculine speak its truth about his pain of not being enough,
About not feeling appreciated,
And his truth in his desire for so much more in life.
To feel the juiciest of his passion,
His hunger to conquer and be seen fully.
This is the masculine I love deeply.
This is the masculine that arouses me at a soul level and has me craving.
I fucking love men.
When they are actually men.
Because you see a man who is all of this yumminess,
Is a man that drops me into surrender.
A man who can conquer me in the moment of passion because he knows how to penetrate me not just enter me.
And THIS is rare.
Most men enter a woman and believe that’s penetration.
And then wonder why thier woman will not soften or surrender.
Why she will not TRUST him.
Or let herself fully be seen and expressed.
But I tell you,
Its because he has not learned how to truly penetrate.
Not his woman.
Not his purpose.
Not this world.
And means he has no clue of what it means to be a man.
A conscious, dynamic, powerful man.
He is eternally stuck in boyhood.
Playing the victim in his life.
Blaming and feeling jealous.
Anxious and uncomfortable with his heart.
When a man discovers his worthiness and learns to truly love himself,
This all changes however.
And this is the masculine I love.
This is the masculine who turns my soul on.
Men are wonderful.
Men are so desirable.
Men when they are conscious and mature,
When they know how to play and make love to life,
Are the divine masculine.
The healing agent.
The leaders and fathers,
The lovers and protectors,
That our world so desperately needs.
I fucking love men.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “
Are you a man who wants to ignite and penetrate the feminine and this world like I shared above but have little idea as to how to do this?
Reach out now and let’s discuss 1:1 opportunities now.

CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.

CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.

Seriously,

you say that word so often I do not think it is achieving the results that you think it is achieving.

 

On any day of the week,

I get the comment of “Beautiful” at least ten times from random people ( mostly men) who want to share it with me.

 

And the reality is this,

The statement of “Beautiful.”

Is a surface AF statement.

It will get you nowhere in a hurry with a woman who values herself,

who understands that her true beauty is not something you appreciate just from her skin that is barred or the clothes that she has on,

it has nothing to do with the smile on her face,

or if she is nice to you.

Beauty is something so much deeper.

It comes from a place of knowing oneself.

Of loving oneself,

even the shadow lands of our character.

Beauty comes from feeling good in our own skin,

and when someone over uses such a compliment,

it actually starts to rub raw,

and cause you to not take in the compliment.

 

Every human being NEEDS to have words of affirmation.

Every human being needs to learn how to breathe into compliments and own their worth,

but surface AF statement that are easy to say and show that you know NOTHING about the person,

are not anything to sport about saying.

 

Especially with a woman.

 

SO this musing is going out to all you gents who tell me and other amazing AF powerful women that you find us BEAUTIFUL.

 

That you would love to show us what you can do with your whatever you desire to touch and taste us with,

That you love how our hair looks,

our clothes fit us,

or the angle we opted to take a picture from.

 

Yeah those comments that you believe will land you in our panties and hearts,

HA! We think not.

 

For a true compliment is spoken from a place of presence,

it is stated about a person’s depth and light.

A compliment that makes you stand out in the crowd of all those fools who think that some cartoon dog blowing random AF kisses, or I love you’s is going to get somewhere other than an eye roll and quickening in our scroll,

if you truly desire to make an impression…

 

THEN SLOW THE F-CK DOWN….

and pay some attention.

 

You need to actually listen,

watch and read,

you need to make statements that show that you were into what that person was sharing,

you need to let yourself absorb who you are watching,

and not from a place where she gets me off to watch.

 

This also applies to anyone who is taking a woman to bed,

if you are so lucky to have her open herself to you,

then remember this….

 

You can leave a good impression,

a bad impression ,

or a F-cking Spectacular impression.

 

The choice is yours.

And it all comes down to how you slow the f-ck down and get present with her.

 

If you think you know a woman,

and how to f-ck her wide open,

awesome…. but I question your cockiness.

Because I know women,

and we bore easily and rarely want to hurt your delicate ego’s, so we let you believe that you know,

and then roll our eyes and share our frustrations with our friends about how clueless you are,

and how surface AF our sex is with you.

 

A woman who loves herself and knows her value,

will not keep around a man or partner for any amount of real time who cannot prove that they can go deep with her.

If our partner is not willing to slow the f-ck down and value us the way that we know we should be,

then “bye, bye… don’t let the door hit you on your way out of my life.”

 

A woman who keeps a surface level lover around,

is a woman who does not know herself yet and has not learned her value.

 

The facts are simple and they start with how we relate outside the bedroom.

 

Ladies if you feel all fluttery and excited about that want to be average joe who said beautiful on one of your pictures,

then I question how much love you have for self.

Because that man… that man is a little boy who has not learned how to be with a woman yet and cannot handle his own depth or the light that you have to offer.

 

And gents,

if you are one of these dudes that offer up easy to spell one word comments, but then turn around and ask a woman a question that you already have access to the answer of…

 

(by taking the time in our social media world… and I mean like maybe 2 minutes of time….you can discover how old someone is, where they are from or live, if they are single or coupled, open or not, kids, what they do and even their likes)

 

THEN JUST F-CKING STOP ALREADY.

 

Your words are wasted on those of us who value ourselves.

 

We do not need your statements of beautiful or what you desire to do to us or with us,

we laugh at you,

we shake our heads at your silliness and we keep scrolling.

You don’t have a chance,

so go find someone who may better suit you.

 

There is someone for everyone,

or so they say.

 

But I,

I am not the one who will fall prey to your mediocre compliments with no depth or care.

 

Just like all the other queens out there who get what I am sharing here in this musing today.

 

Level up your relating guys!

Level up who you are.

You want to attract a MF Queen….

Then you cannot just pretend to play King….

You gotta be one.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how to attract your Queen?

Want to know what it means to be a King in life and relationships.

It’s a vibrational thing baby.

It’s about embracing your worthiness and loving yourself.

male or female,

This is where our power comes from.

 

Let me share with you the journey to THRIVING.

F-ck Yes!

Message me for deet’s.

A LETTER TO THE MAN I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE TO…

A LETTER TO THE MAN I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE TO…
 
Open.
Connective.
With eyes like a stormy sky.
Your smile greets me in warm anticipation everytime that we meet.
 
I feel your heartbeat,
It radiates from across the room,
Your masculine energy engulfs my every move,
And I feel you watching me.
My attention is on the funny crook of my smile,
Wondering if you notice.
I breathe deep,
Taking in this moment with you.
 
I feel the stir inside my being,
A hunger from deep within.
My thoughts wonder,
My attention is now on your breath.
I feel your restriction,
I see you grip you hands,
Controlling your hunger,
As you smile and breathe me in.
 
I can feel you absorb my very essence as I come close,
My body tingles,
My pulse intensifies,
And I wonder.
 
I watch the rise and fall,
Of your body as we connect,
I listen to your nervousness,
To your desire,
That you speak through the silence,
And I smile.
I smile at our connection.
I smile at your willingness.
I smile at your adoration,
And respect.
 
I see how you fear fucking this up.
How you want for more,
For all of me.
And yet settle for the glimmer of my eyes looking back into yours.
 
You are the man,
The man who shows his heart through the silence of this moment,
You are the man,
Who feels ever so deeply,
And denies his hunger.
You are the man,
The man that can ignite me.
In your own unique fashion,
You get me.
And I know I am seen by you,
Like no other has witnessed.
 
Your depth,
Your reveal,
The way you share this moment.
 
You are the man I should have made love to.
 
You are the man that deserves to be felt at this level.
 
You are the man who I know has gone a thousand years without the depth deserved,
This hunger that is rising,
This connection you offer,
Its been a lifetime in the waiting,
And most women deny.
 
I see your pain my sweet man,
I feel your hearts surrender,
And your bodies desire to open,
As it opens mine,
To shared ecstasy.
 
You are not wanting surface level relating,
You crave the deepest penetration,
You want the dancing of heart, soul and body,
And the unbridled passion they bring forth.
 
How long has it been sweet man?
How long have you waited to be absorbed into the gulf of the true feminine,
Where you get lost in the currents of bliss?
 
Where you have seen and been seen,
Where you elevate your lover,
As she pulls you in deeper and together you rise to the heavens in a dance?
 
You are the man I should have made love to,
The man who is waiting still.
 
Tender.
Strong.
And passionate
Your hesitation in my presence says it all.
You look deeply into my eyes,
As your soul captures this moment.
 
—-‐————————————————————————
 
To all the men of the 🌎 world,
The men who desire connection over surface level fucking and relating.
 
The men who want more from self and woman,
The men who crave to be captivated in her caverns,
And enjoy the journey of revealing.
 
To all the men who value the feminine.
Who do not fear her power,
But instead support and respect it.
Nuture her heart,
As you adorn her body,
And protect her from this worlds craze
To all the men,
Who have gone so long without a woman who sees your truth and honesty,
Your love for something more than paychecks and quick sex.
Who has squashed his masculine,
And feels unsafe to share.
I see you sweet man,
As more conscious women will too.
 
You are worthy of a goddess,
You are second to no other,
Its time sweet man you recognize that you have been accepting far too little.
 
Open yourself to being made love to.
Slow down,
And ask her too as well.
Don’t rush this beautiful process,
And limit your pleasure,
You are a man that deserves to me made love to.
A man that is worthy of being lifted.
Lifted to her alters,
And recieved.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “

The Feminine Carries Wounds For A Lifetime.

Some wounds never heal for a woman.

 

I have learned through the course of my 44 years on this planet thus far and who know how many lifetimes before ( if that’s even a thing) that some wounds live with us and carry forward no matter how we try to mask, hide, forget or “heal” them.

 

They are markings on our vessel that serve a purpose that we are to never fully turn away from.

And as a woman, I feel that the feminine perhaps emotionalizes and carries them even deeper than the masculine can ever comprehend.

 

Around the topics of love, sex and children,

we discover the potential for some of the most significant wounds.

And I believe that because a woman feels life move through herself in all of these areas that when a wound occurs here that it impacts deeper and on all fronts of her experience.

 

Think about it….

Sex happens inside a woman’s body.

When you have sex with a woman,

you are INSIDE her body.

You are actually inside another human being in these moments,

and inorder for her to enjoy the moment then she must not be in her mind,

but be able to surrender emotionally, mentally and physically to the experience.

Sex is an external expereince for a man for the most part.

Sure men have heart in it,

and the best lovers come from this space not just from their genitals,

but still sex is happening outside of the mans physical body, creating a certain level of detachment to the process.

Where for a woman,

it is the opposite. It is happening inside her actual body. She must open her body to her partner and in order for her to not be harmed she must trust that her partner will be present and honor that space of her being as well as her heart.

 

This is why, rape or anything in its nature is not just a physical act that can be physically healed through. It is far more impactful than that. It is mental/psychological and emotional.

And the repercussions are life long for many in these areas. It is something that will bear with it body memory FOREVER.

 

If we look at love, here too a woman goes deep. She loves with her whole being and she opens herself from this complete state. She is not just loving, ( when it is pure and real) from a place of mind or body. It is not a place of logic. It is the whole being. And when a woman enters into love from this space she melts into the relationship, she becomes one with her partner and she surrenders her fears, her doubts, her pain and armour. She puts it all down and opens herself to being conquered by her man.

Here she is truly vulnerable and knows that he can do great damage if he turns away or chooses to not stand strong in their love. But she enters love anyway.

This is a space that if wounds occur,

they never fully heal.

They remain with a a scar, a void underneath her shield for her lifetime,

always tugging,

always craving for what was had and then lost.

 

 

If a woman becomes a mother,

no matter the time that she is one,

She has forever surrendered to this new state of understanding about self and life.

Many women become mothers but are not with children.

Many women believe that these moments that they carried a child ( may it be weeks, months or years) that in the loss, whether chosen or not, that the impact can be overstepped and forgotten.

But once experienced they have to surrender their deepest heart to the truth that it will forever be carried with them.

The deepest of losses.

Men again have heart here,

feel loss here,

but cannot ever fully understand the impact emotionally, physically or mentally that it can have on a woman,

and the disconnect that occurs at this loss between the woman and her very soul and body.

 

Again this is because it is internal for the feminine and external for the masculine.

A man is told about what he helped create but he does not breathe each day of creation in the true essence and feeling of shared space with another soul 24/7. He does not experience the hormonal responses, the emotional tolls or the physical labor of the event.

And if that child is lost,

he can never comprehend the impact of the mind/body/heart or soul that it takes on the feminine,

because he is detached to the external experience.

 

All three of these wounds:

sex-love-children

 

All three of these experiences awaken and shut down the very heart of a woman.

They are life altering.

Personality shifting.

From a cellular level they forever change who the woman is and how she chooses to walk through life.

They have the potential to make her blossom,

or implode.

Not one of these life experiences can ever be fully healed or forgotten.

 

Many women experience all three wounds.

Many women do not pay proper honor to these transformation points but in turn shame, guilt and blame themselves for them.

The self-hatred and disgust that is often lived in for a lifetime to follow,

prevents the feminine from ever fully receiving herself again, and she walks through life fearing and doubting her truth.

It is difficult to get a woman who has experienced these wounds to ever set her armour fully down again and trust.

 

And if she does choose to do so,

she is quick to grab her sword and shield at the slightest sign of trouble.

She forever will walk on eggshells within herself, knowing how fragile she truly is.

 

And yet the answer is to trust herself and learn to love herself fully again,

despite the pain that she carries,

knowing our courage and strength as a woman is where we can once again enter into love with self and trust with God.

 

From this feminine heart to yours,

I feel your pain and fear,

I have walked all these wounded paths before,

and I speak today to you beautiful women of the world from that place of not healed,

but a knowing that in our honor of self that we find our breath,

we discover our life again,

and we live.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Loving

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ladies it’s time to own your power and learn to love again.

Love self again.

Honor self and live your F-ck Yes Life Now!

Reach out to me for my ladies only coaching opportunities now.

 

Throne-tood! – Get Some.

Throne-tood!

It’s a THING.

And it’s a thing that you gotta get some of if you want to have the life that you claim that you want.

 

We have been raised to have shame over loving ourselves.

We have been raised to believe that it is wrong or even bad to think highly of ourselves,

or to brag.

And it is “selfish” ( meaning bad) to ask for what we want, need or desire.

 

But instead the correct path to happiness is to look like this so we have been raised to believe…

 

Talk like shit about yourself,

hate on your body,

on your thoughts,

in your life.

 

Be SUPER effing critical about everything and never admit to your glory.

 

Downplay everything good and hype up everything that is not perfect in your life.

 

Make sure that you are NEVER offending everyone else,

because YOU….

yes you are  responsible for everyone else’s feelings, ideas, perceptions, thoughts and actions,

so make sure to never mess up or have an opinion that does not match whomever you are with.

 

Put others before yourself at all costs.

Exhaust yourself and keep giving,

but don’t bitch that you are at your breaking point.

 

Suck it up.

Don’t show your emotions,

any of them but “blase.”

Indifference is the best path,

even if it’s not true.

 

Your anger,

your sadness,

your joy,

hide because it is too effing much for the world around you.

 

Fear everything.

And know that you are most likely at fault for the crap no matter what,

and if it’s not you then feel offended instantly,

if anyone says different or God forbid

goes against all of these rules of how to live a happy successful life.

 

And just be happy with it already,

‘cus this baby is what life is all about.

 

This is living the dream.

This is success.

 

F-cking crazy as all hell is’nt it?

I mean when I write it out  like that,

unless you are blind, dumb and stupid,

then you have to admit that anyone who actually thinks or feels this way is NEVER going to be thriving,

going to experience success or empowerment,

never going to feel confident.

Most likely only be used and hurt frequently,

will have a crappy backbone,

will not know themselves or anyone else for that matter,

and will simply not ever touch happiness.

 

So what is the answer?

 

Get a f-cking THRONE-TOOD!

 

There I said it.

It is high time that you started to value yourself.

Claiming your life, ‘calling in your blessings,

being a conscious co-creator,

manifesting a life that is full of wonder, love and success,

REQUIRES YOU TO PUT YOUR CROWN ON.

 

 

As long as you keep disrespecting God’s glory and power and not allowing his power and will to move through your life,

then you will keep falling prey to this stinking thinking love.

 

As long as you keep believing that God wants you to walk looking down at the ground,

tripping in misery over all that you have lost and ignoring the joy that your life could be,

then you will never feel the wonder of walking with you head held high,

your eyes meeting others in unconditional love and acceptance,

or the witnessing of the miracles that happen daily,

IN YOUR LIFE.

 

As long as you keep being available for scarcity,

and never picking up that crown that God has handed you,

then you will continue to suffer by your own hand.

 

And you will forever remain a slave to the enemy known as fear.

 

Oh, beautiful, don’t you see the path that you are too walk.

Can you not feel the call in your soul?

 

Now in our world we need more than ever before for you to RISE UP….

SPEAK UP…

LIGHT UP….

 

But that means that you have to accept that many who choose to remain in darkness and pain will be disgusted by your choice.

 

They will call you names,

they will hate on you and shame you,

they will want to tear you down in any way they can,

and they will make you doubt your path.

 

It will require you to have courage,

to love yourself more than you thought possible and to walk in FAITH.

 

And if you choose to step away from the many who still remain in fear,

if you choose to instead embrace your power,

and the love that the universe/God has for you,

then your life will be one of bliss and glory.

 

And THAT…

THAT is what we are each to do.

That is how we celebrate life,

honor God,

and THRIVE.

 

Are you ready, love?

Are you ready to finally say F-ck Yes! to yourself and your dreams and stop making excuses and sharing the thousands of reasons as to why you cannot do/be/have?

But instead just step firmly in faith on this path before you that is calling you?

 

Are you ready to stop giving your power just lip service but acting in faith on it?

 

I can tell you that many people say they are light workers,

they claim to be abundant,

they proclaim their faith,

and they say they believe in magic and miracles,

they even proudly state that they get manifesting and that they are powerful manifestors….

 

and they are.

For sure.

 

But, if you are struggling,

if you are suffering,

if you are feeling lost, tired and lonely…

 

Then baby, you are not really claiming your crown.

If you are not happy, (truly)

then you still have not figured it out,

and it YOU that this is written for.

It is you that need to KNOW YOUR WORTH.

 

It’s time to pick that crown up and have a THRONE-TOOD….

Because the life that you want for DEMANDS IT!

 

So Get One.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to step forward and say yes to your crown love?

Ready to stop being available for suffering, pain and misfortune?

 

Let’s speak today about no more reasons and excuses,

and get that crown picked up and put where it rightfully goes.

 

Message for deet’s.

Let’s Get Real About What Define The Relationship Really Means.

 

“I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Maybe I have commitment issues some would say,

and I have been told this from past lovers.

They were convinced that because I refused to be labeled,

because I refused to DTR ( define the relationship) that I was not good with commitment.

 

They could not just accept my looks of love and desire for what they were.

They could not accept the sweet and tender vulnerable moments shared for what they were,

They could not just go with the passion shared and the hours and days or even weeks spent enthralled with each other.

 

No, they wanted the MF LABEL.

And for some reason, the label is what made everything real.

Not the actual effing relationship that was presenting itself each day, each moment.

No, they could not trust that.

They needed the words spoken,

just how they wanted to hear them too mind you,

for it to actually be real.

 

Nothing mattered but the label.

 

And because I am a person who understands what labels are actually about,

I have a really tough time getting down with defining any relationship for that matter.

 

And here is why.

 

You see labels and definitions of relationships have NOTHING to do with love or commitment for that matter.

 

They don’t have anything to do with trust either,

and they are not offering any more security for either party as well.

 

What they do is allow us to compartmentalize the relationship, cause separation because now we segregate this relationship from the rest of our lives.

 

Labels allow us to define what the relationship “should” look and feel like. How it “should” play out and what the expectations are within the pretty little box that we have put it into allows for.

 

Labels are often asked for because one party or both are wanting validation for their existence and level of importance in the relationship.

 

This validation gives a false sense of security.

Which makes the partners feel safe and believe that NOW since the relationship has been properly defined that neither party will step out of the box that it has been filed in.

 

And that is what DTR is all about folks.

Validation of self through another, false security and control.

 

Because with this DTR what we are wanting is the safety ultimately of knowing ( well believing) that our partner is now “OUR PROPERTY” as defined by the label provided.

And of course they are down with abiding by the rules of this definition.

 

Funny little note, most people just assume that other people’s definitions and rules of the label are exactly what their own are and never stop to discuss these important things with the person that they are trying to do a relationship with and get a label on.

 

In my opinion,

(and maybe…. just maybe… I have worked with just a few couples over the last few decades) that one of the major reasons so many couples are not satisfied or in full alignment with their partner is because they miss this vitally important conversation on the front side.

 

The conversation around, “Why do you do relationships? And what are your needs/desires/expectations within a relationship?”

 

Can you imagine if we started having these inquiries between ourselves and our lovers?

 

And what if….

what if our lovers answered authentically.

 

OMFG! That would be amazing.

But often because so many have limited worth and self- esteem issues,

they find themselves needing to feel safe through the validation of their partner instead and therefore answer accordingly to get the result that they want from their partner instead of being truthful and having a truly intimate conversation around their differences.

 

All relationships at some point come to a place where the definition sorta just manifests organically.

But it is an energy that a couple will grow into as time and depth in the relationship is established,

not some words stated because partners feel pressure from what they have been told is important to ask for come date three or month six, or whatever the f-ck timeline you are working on.

 

If you are among the many people out there that feels that need the label to lean and trust more,

or to not have your jealousy anymore,

or to be able to be more vulnerable or intimate with your partner,

and believes that the label is a sign of love,

then you truly need to explore what your definition of love really is about.

 

And ask yourself if this label is truly what you are wanting or if you are actually requesting to set up agreements with your partner as to what your relationship rules are and are not.

 

Then ask yourself how this desire to label and set up these tidy little box homes for your relationship to get cramped in is actually serving the relationship or your supposed love for this other person?

 

What if you became extremely present with your partner and chose to focus on all their good traits each time you were together?

 

What if instead of fearing them doing something that might destroy the relationship, you chose to commit to look for how well they are showing up in it right now and how much beauty you are enjoying with them right now?

 

What if you opted to actually practice authentic unconditional love with them and just wanted to enjoy them in all their radiance because your desire for them was to be that person who can hold loving space without a need to contain their soul and own them?

 

What if you chose to just allow them to be them and you to be you?

 

What if you choose consciously to come into the relationship each new day as though it was a new relationship that you were excited and appreciative of?

 

What if you started to define your relationship by saying,

” I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Can you imagine how much more depth, love, compassion, witnessing, love, trust, and joy would come through your partner and the relationship?

 

Or continue on your path,

you know the one.

The one that has you believing that controlling your partner and defining your relationship and owning them as property in any f-cking fashion is LOVE.

 

And enjoy all the trauma that creates and the broken expectations and pain.

 

Because that is the result when we attempt to control the human spirit and not allow others to live authentically.

 

Not to mention,

When we do this it is only supporting our fear and at our core we feel the out of alignment that is caused with God and our soul.

 

Level Up Your Love Now.

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to level up your relationship or learn more on authentic relating skills that can rekindle, ignite and bring average relationships into Enlightened?

 

Reach out to me about my Passion Coaching for Couples Program today.

“I love You. Just As You Are.”

 

Bob Marley once said:

“You may not be her first,

her last, or her only.

 

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

 

She’s not perfect—you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto her and give her the most you can.

 

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart.

 

So don’t hurt her,

don’t change her,

don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

 

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

 

And he was a wise man in his lyrics.

The Jamaican artist who grew up on the concept of One Love,

and to love without fear,

without reservation,

and condition,

spoke the truth in his words about loving a woman,

but his words ring true in general.

 

His words on love are words that we could all gain wisdom from when looking at relationships in general.

 

Can you imagine a world where we spoke our truth.

Where we told our feelings without expectation,

where we related because that is what humans do…

 

Can you imagine a world where love was not based on what you can do for me,

or I for you,

but on the actual feeling of love.

 

Can you imagine a world where love was not captivated and crucified at every upset in the day,

a world where loving each other was normal and not judged or shamed,

can you imagine a world where we each had respect for self,

compassion for self,

love for self,

and thus could freely offer the same to another.

 

Can you imagine a world where saying “I love you” did not bear with it the weight of marriage, commitment of a lifetime, legal documents or looks of concern.

 

Can you imagine being loved just for being you?

 

This is the love that Marley was speaking of.

This is the message that we all need to hear,

 

and this morning as I sit here and am blessed with the words,

 

“I love you.”

 

I feel called to share the importance that they actually hold.

 

I love you is a statement of acceptance.

A statement of respect and care,

 

I love you means that I do not want to control you,

that I appreciate you JUST AS YOU ARE.

 

I love you means that I am not expecting anything in return,

there are no conditions,

there are no rules or obligations,

 

I love you means that I SEE YOU.

 

JUST AS YOU ARE.

 

And when these words are uttered,

they should not hold the reins on our heart,

they should not be spoken in shame or in fear,

but instead be words that frees our soul.

 

I love you means that I love me too.

Because I could not feel this feeling,

pure and authentically,

if you were not mirroring the love that I feel for self.

 

That is what it is a message of.

When we feel deep love for another,

without control or possession of any sort,

without jealousy or fear of losing,

without expectation,

 

we are feeling true love.

 

And true love can only emerge when we feel the same for self.

Others that we feel this radiance for,

ignite the truth of our souls,

allow us to embrace our bigness,

our beauty, and truth.

 

When love is authentic and not based in need,

It is a sign of who we really are.

 

And at our cores,

WE ARE LOVE.

 

We taste it juiciness.

We bathe in its sweetness,

We dance freely in its light,

and we expand within its breath.

 

Without love life is empty.

And with false love,

control masked as such,

we hunger to hold on,

we fear its loss,

we hand over our power to whomever we deem our point of focus,

and lose who we are.

 

To love someone…

 

You may not be the first person to love them,

or the last,

not even the only one.

 

They have loved before,

they will love again,

But if they are loving you now,

What else matters?

 

They are not perfect – you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never have the perfect relationship together, no matter its label,

but if they make you smile and laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto that love and give it the most you have.

 

They may not be thinking of you every moment of the day,

but that love will open you to your life,

that love will offer you something special,

something that you must respect, — your truth.

 

So don’t judge and shame your love,

don’t try and change it,

don’t analyze and

don’t expect more than what is shown.

 

Smile when you are happy,

let your feelings be known, even when mad,

let your words and actions be authentic.

 

Love with your whole being when you receive love,

Know that it is available at any moment,

it is your truth,

there is no such thing as perfect,

but there will always be love,

and it is all that matters.

 

How are you penetrating your life,

this world with your love?

 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

 

Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.

 

 

Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.