The Goddesses Dragon – My Tale of Surrender to the Masculine

He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.

He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.

He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
this light,
this power,
the dragon.

Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.

Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.

But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.

And this gentleman,
this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.

And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.

Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.

She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.

Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.

She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
She laughs,
she cries,
and she opens a bit more.

This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.

She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.

Explore together.
The depths of their souls.

And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.

They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.

Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.

Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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Don’t Sacrifice Your Life for Anything.

Change vs. Embrace
This is the statement of today that speaks so loud to me.
 
It carries with it the reality of how f-cking crazy we humans can be.
 
And none of us can escape the crazy.
These sort of thoughts based in fear of loss,
are among the worst.
They prevent us from truly living up to our full potential.
 
We fear change.
We fear embracing who we really are.
It feels like we have to give something up in order to become ourselves.
 
But that is silly.
It is all about expansion,
not about reduction.
 
Change does not mean that we have to sacrifice anything.
It means that we will make different judgments,
different choices then what we would under an old way of being. That is all.
 
Same with embodiment of self.
Once we start to embody ourselves,
we start to embrace all that we could be,
could have, ‘could do.
and we STOP accepting less for our lives.
 
This is only scary because we typically do not feel worthy of claiming this level of greatness into our lives.
 
The lack of worthiness causes us to doubt.
Tells us that we will loose.
tells us that things can not continue to be this great,
that there is a price that must be paid.
 
And so we move into stagnation.
We pause.
And we pause some more.
Until the pause causes us to embrace the pause,
and then we fear movement even more.
 
We look out at our world and we see evidence that standing in our truth will cause relationships to break,
will cause careers to fail or change, will cause discomfort in life. And we fear the pain.
 
What we forget it that all birth,
no matter what the birth is based on,
will come with pain.
The pain of discovery.
The pain of consciousness.
The pain of feeling who we are and how much we have been denying who we are.
Hiding from ourselves.
Hiding from our desires.
 
Change vs. Embrace
 
They are the same and yet not.
When we focus in on change, we lean into the belief that there is something about us that is not good enough and it needs to change.
 
When we focus in on embracing who we are, we often lean into the belief that we are too much and the world cannot handle us, therefore we will loose.
 
Either way, we are scared of loosing.
 
And at the end of the day,
you know what will happen when you keep denying your truth?
 
Do you?
Think about it.
 
If you look into dis-ease you will discover pretty quickly that all dis-ease is just that, a dis-ease in the body which stems from something (emotional/ psychological) that we are masking, hiding from and not wanting to give the time of day to.
 
Why are we hiding from these things?
Because they carry pain.
It may mask itself as anger, frustration, anxiety or depression, but they are all some pain that is stored up.
 
And one of the biggest pains we carry with us,
is the pain of not stepping into who we are meant to be,
who we want to be, or showing up in life the way we know we should.
 
The pain of potentially,
okay let’s be real here,
most likely,
 
Going to die without living out our mission.
Our purpose,
with our music still in us.
 
And the true sad thing is…
that by hiding from our truth,
ignoring out of fear of loss our beauty,
our power,
our music,
we end us killing ourselves.
 
Yet we will proclaim proudly,
that we are willing to sacrifice our lives in order to keep all that we fear loosing NEVER realizing that if we loose our lives that we will as well loose all that we are trying to not loose in the first place by denying our truth.
 
Silly yes.
But so f-cking true.
 
 
Just look at your life.
Look at your best friend.
Your sister.
Your uncle.
or anyone.
 
We are all guilty of this sin.
We all consistently say no to our truth out of fear,
and we all reap the rewards of the physical and emotional pain that it brings with it.
 
The key to stepping into who you are.
To EMBRACING Yourself and living unappologetically as the beautiful, powerful you that God intended,
is SIMPLE as F-ck!
 
Just Do it!
Grow a f-cking pair,
and put one foot in front of the other.
Take action, by leaning into the now.
Into what your heart says.
And say YES.
Say YES to yourself.
 
Because you are worth it.
You can have it.
And God wants you to be powerful,
bright and beautiful,
abundant and over flowing with blessings.
 
Claim your life.
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
www.kendalwilliams.com
 
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Hope & Commitment: PRICELESS

Average cost of a divorce: $15,000 to $30,000

Average child support payment for one child: $430

Average alimony support percentage of highest earning spouse: 30% of income for up to 50% of time of marriage

Saving your relationship and working through your shit: PRICELESS

Remember the old commercial?
Well I sure do.

And this topic is near and dear to me in recent times.
But more importantly,
It is a possible reality to many of my couples clients.
Or potential couples clients.

The sad truth is that quiet often people go looking for help.
They sit in my office,
Wrenching their hands together,
Butterflies in their stomach,
Wanting to be heard.
To be understood.
And to be given hope.

They look at their spouse,
And they hope that they too have a sincere desire to heal the wounds of years gone by.
They hope that their partner is feeling at ease and will be open to the possibilities of getting help.

Often, tears are shed in my office by one or both parties as they recognize the pain,
They see the situation of their marriage clearer,
And they feel the tingle of hope spreading its wings inside them.

There they sit.
HOPEFUL.

They share intimacies within this safe container,
Baring their truths of bitterness, of loss of desire, of financial pains, of feeling left behind and under appreciated.

They share their sins.
From adultery to drug usage to porn and anger.

They share their longing.
Their longing to reconnect.
To heal.
To love and be loved.

And so they walk away from me,
Feeling lighter.
Feeling connection and understanding.
Feeling non-judgment.
Feeling as if they can recover.
They feel HOPE.

And then….
It is inevitable my follow up email with all my recommendations and observations comes into their inbox.
It asks them for their,
COMMITMENT.

Many stand up to the plate.
But many steer away in fear.

They lean on objections.
From price to time.
They say they need to wait.
They say they think they can do it on their own.
They say this
And they say that.

But none of it matters.
They CHOOSE to not commit
And thus they choose to remain in their suffering and in the harsh reality that separation most likely will knock soon at their door.

But they feel like they cannot change the outcome.
Because it just is.
So they settle into victim mode.
And they loose HOPE.

How much does it cost to sacrifice your HOPE?
How much is it worth to step into COMMITMENT ?

It is priceless.
Thats what it is.
On both sides it is PRICELESS.

The only question
I ask these souls who choose to say goodbye is,
Are you happy?

At the end of any decision.
You must ask yourself.
Are you happy?

Here you will learn your truth.
Here you will learn about your fear.
Your regrets.
Your desires.
And if you made the right choice.

No one can answer this for any of us.
It is between us and soul.

And it is PRICELESS.

As always,
Stop Existing and Start Living

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It is NOT compromise. It is rape!

Are you effing kidding me?
Really?
How can you do that to your body?
To your psyche?
To your everything?

I don’t effing get it.
Yet…

I DO.

I get it because I use to do it too.
I did it so much that I grew comfortable with it.
It just became part of my norm.
And I did not see the bitterness and resentment that it engraved into my life,
into my relationship,
until it was too late.

I thought it was just how it was.
And that it was “okay.”

After all life is about compromise, right?
We cannot always have things our way,
and sometimes,
actually often,
we have to find a space that neither side gets what it wants and both give in to something that is doable to make the results the best they can be.

So, this is what I thought I was doing.
And I was.
And you are too!

But you want in on a little secret?
Not a secret, actually,
just a reality that you may not want t o hear because you may feel disgusting after you fully digest it.

In these times like I share here,
which happens to be all too many times in our lives.
In all areas of our life as I have discovered.

You are raping yourself.

Yes.
I just said that.

And I will say it again.
So happy f-cking Monday morn my peep’s!!!!

You are raping yourself.
You most likely are doing it right now.
Or you soon will be.
Or you will in a few hours or by the end of today.

Your raping yourself.
You are are bending over,
spreading yourself open,
saying “sure, that’s okay….yeah…yeah…let’s do this or that.”

You are believing that you have to do that in order to exist
You have to do it in order to keep peace,
in order to enjoy some rewards that you don’t believe you will have unless you give of yourself in this fashion.

You believe that if you were to say no.
To say I am not in the mood.
I am not turned on to this or that.
It does not feel good to me.
That actually hurts me.
I don’t like that at all.
I never get anything from this.

or…

some other statement of your lack of interest in it,
that you would loose something.

You are afraid that you would have life shut you down in some way.

You are afraid that if you stated your truth,
that you would not be received well,
and then that would hurt you more than just saying yes,
when you are a no.

So you say, ” Okay.. let’s do it!
And you figure, ” It’s just compromise. It’s just the way life is. You cannot have everything you want all the time. So what’s the harm is giving of yourself this time or the next when even though you really hate it, or are shut down to it?”

Whats the BIG effing deal?

Rape seems like a harsh term to use Kendal.
I am not raping myself!
I am just compromising.
I am just letting someone else use my body, my time, my energy, my money, my life for their pleasure. For their abundance building. for their goals and aspirations.

That is the way life works.
Have you not heard?

Sure I don’t feel great afterward.
My body feels yuck.
I feel a low grade depression.
I feel weaker,
less excited about things.
I have a tough time looking in the mirror.
Or making eye contact.
I crave all the wrong foods or I feel like not eating at all.
I am testy.
Moody.
Angry.
Anxiety ridden.
Fatigued.
Can’t sleep well.
Weaken immune system.

Yeah so what.
That is just part of life.
It’s not rape.

Well, I am sorry to shed the light on this for you,
but as a woman who has experienced rape in the sexual nature a couple of times in my life,

and as a woman who has had all too much duty sex AKA self rape ( in my opinion),

and as a woman who has allowed herself to be raped emotionally, psychologically, financially, time wise and many other ways through out life here and there.

I will tell you with utter certainty.

YOU ARE RAPING YOURSELF!!!!!

And to make matters worse.
You think its normal.
Its okay.
That you have too.

OMFG!!!!!
Have a little love for yourself already.
You got no love?
How about empathy?
Compassion?

Where the f-ck is your give a shit for you?
Yet you claim you want a life worth living.
You claim you want to make changes.
You claim you want joy,
happiness, love.
ABUNDANCE.

But you think by spreading your legs and allowing someone else to have their way, to pump pump eww goo in you and get theirs that you are going to somehow succeed at having the life that you want? ( scratching my head here.)

Are you effing kidding me?
You are crazy!

That is all I have to say.
Although,
I get it.

I REALLY do.
Because I have been you.
In all areas of my life.

But you know what the reality is?
At some point,
You have to close up your rape shop.
You have to start to honor yourself enough,
to say NO.

You have to get into integrity with the most important person in your life.

YOU.
And you have to not just give it lip service, no you have to actually commit to it.

You want freedom based living?
You want a F-ck Yes Life?
You want to be in love with yourself and your life?
You want to be proud of yourself?
You want to actually succeed at having what you claim you want?

Well here is the gig.
You must stop raping yourself.

In all areas of your life.
It is time.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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The Gift of Relationship in Life Success

Relationships break us open.
Relationships unfold us to a life that is deeper than we could ever know possible on our own.
Relationships can be freeing,
Or they can be crippling.

Relationships are our defining energy of how we penetrate our lives.
They define how we surrender to the greatness of our lives.
They define how we allow ourselves to receive and create blessings and/or suffering.

Everything we do in life,
We do through relationship.

This last year I have been in this awakening of just this that I share with you today.
I have been coming into the beautiful realization of my truth and how it has manifested and shown me all the guidance I could ever want for through my relationships with lovers, friends and family.

My realization (and perhaps you may feel some alignment too) is that I have been resisting my truth.
I have been hiding from my own uniqueness and power thus of it.

In January I lost what one might say was the love of a lifetime. My heart died that day and I have been looking for a path of resurrection for it so that I can open again to the blessings that a fierce penetrative love can bless one with.

In May I lost my second primary relationship in a shocking 2 hour event that I am sure I will never understand. This relationship taught me so much about my desires, about emotion and stability. It taught me about detachment and harshness and it showed me my weaknesses in my boundaries and lienliance around many things and I was shown just how blind one can be in a relationship as well as how we NEVER know anyone truly.

These two relationships alone have revealed to me a beauty and a reality of who I am and how I have been choosing to show up in life as well as how I am willing to receive from life or not.

I have come to a realization of my set points.
Of my programs around abundance, value, love, money and joy.
I have come into a point of awareness that each of these relationships were holding me back from my full potential.

The healing must still manifest in its own way.
But the truth is that I have been blessed without measure. I have been provided with the opportunity to create the legacy that I desire for my life.

If I tried to hold tight to the energies (the relationships) that were lower vibe than what I wanted for my life, then I would only set myself on a path of further suffering.

As a former love above says, ” A reason, a season or a lifetime.”

So true is this statement.
As every relationship offers one of these.
And we never know what it is until we reach its end.
And even then,
As past has taught me,
Some relationships serve all of the above.

And everyone of them reveals more of who we are.
Everything is a relationship.

If you are struggling then all I have to say is that there is hope. You can have it all. You really can.

I swear to you,
That if this effed up single mom of of seven from the wrong side of the tracks can find hope,
Can discover her truth,
And can manifest a life that is beyond what I believed.

Then you too can have your dreams manifest into reality.

Look at your relationships,
See their beauty no matter the pain they bestow,
And embrace who you are.
Embrace your truth.
Embrace your desire.
Embrace your power.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living.

Ode to the Mama Bear

Nothing more important to this Mama Bear than her babies.
 
And I know that when I say this that all you Mama Bears out there agree.
 
There is nothing I would not do,
go through,
or try and make happen for my children.
 
My 21 year old daughter calls me the mother of all mothers.
Recently her and I went and got tattoo’s together and she helped me decide what I would get.
 
“To be soft is to be powerful.”
 
This is what is now written on my right shoulder.
The message is one that portrays strength in our vulnerability,
strength in the revealing of our hearts,
strength in our softness and flow.
 
Strength as a mother is much like this.
This tattoo is a reminder to me that no matter what happens in life, my strength comes from within.
 
And it is beautiful and needed.
 
This message today,
I share with all you Mama Bears out there.
I share my courageous heart with you beautiful ladies,
I share my desire to create a better world for our children,
and our grand babies.
I share my passion to create a legacy for my home team.
For the souls that I have birthed into this world and who blessed me with the precious gift of motherhood.
 
The message I wish to share with you Mama Bears is that our babies, both of our womb and those we adopt into our lives are reason enough to become the gorgeous queens that we were meant to be.
 
It is through our divine feminine leadership,
that our daughters will grow into strong and powerful, beautiful women themselves.
Our son’s will grow into strong, powerful and respectful men.
It is up to we women of today,
to create the world of tomorrow.
 
So why do we settle for less than what we deserve in this life?
Why do we take less in our relationships,
in our love and in our sex,
in our reaping of abundance and health?
 
Why do we allow this world to rape us of our joy and our beauty?
 
Why do perceive ourselves as weak when we dance in our beauty, our feminine energy?
But think that strength is revealed only in control, masculine power, through actions of ego and mind instead of heart and soul?
Why do we choose to disregard our intuition?
 
I will tell you why.
 
We have been lied too,
and we believe these lies.
 
We have been scorned into bitterness and fear,
we have been trampled by plagues of fear and trauma.
 
We have been ignored,
underappreciated,
viewed as weak and meek,
as property.
 
This is why we now sit in a time where we women,
are lost within ourselves.
 
Looking for ways to heal.
To birth ourselves into a new reality,
where we feel in love with ourselves again.
Where we feel complete,
loved,
adored,
honored,
and seen.
 
Seen as the powerful yet soft feminine that we feel inside our soul.
 
But ladies,
we cannot demand our empowerment from society,
or take it from the masculine by treating the masculine the same way that we have been treated for centuries.
 
No.
We must do it through leaning further into our feminine.
We must do it by tapping into our orgasm,
our joy and our intuition.
 
We must do it by grabbing hold of the reigns of our soul,
and pull ourselves into the alignment that we crave.
 
This is how we share our legacy as powerful women.
This is how we build a life that we are proud of.
This is how we lead our children.
And bless them with what only we Mama Bear’s know to be true.
 
True Strength Comes from the Courage of Your Soul.
 
The more we lead our babies like this,
the more raw and open we are with our son’s and daughters about life,
the more they see us embracing who we are with joy and fierceness,
the more they witness us healing to our greatest depths,
the more our son’s and daughters will KNOW.
 
They will know themselves by the revealing we do for them of ourselves.
 
They will de-armour themselves of the pain,
the shame and guilt,
the fear that run’s rampant in our world today.
 
Instead they will discover who they are,
because they witness us standing in our light.
 
Revealing who we are.
This is the path that we women lead.
 
It is the path of opening to truth for our children’s sake.
 
You owe it to yourself.
You owe it to your babies.
You owe it to this world.
 
To stand strong and powerful,
in your souls desire,
in your hearts softness.
As the Queen that you are.
 
Mama Bear you are loved.
Embrace this world as though it were your child.
 
Birth yourself into truth today.
And feel your orgasm.
Live your life, fully claimed.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
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Or for my pre launch of F-ck Yes Life Entrepreneur Business.
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Electric Shock and My Pussy

SO this happened.
 
Are you ready for a good laugh,
are you ready to scratch your head,
and some eye popping?
 
Because here is my most recent masturbation share.
 
It only took me about five years of owning this little sex toy for me to actually try it.
 
I have been scared in all truth to try it.
I have held it in my hand,
felt its electric pulses move through my hand and arms with generous voltage,
felt the discomfort of it.
 
The thought of placing this little gizmo where it was intended made my stomach churn and my heart race.
 
If it felt like I was sticking my hand and fingers into an open electrical breaker then what the f-ck would it feel like in my most intimate, delicate location?
 
My pussy.
Would she like it?
 
So this really happened,
one night,
not so many nights ago…
 
I found myself exploring this little electric shock love toy.
I found myself finding the courage,
to push past the fear of possibly electrocuting my pussy.
 
You could say that curiosity got the best of me.
 
Because it did.
 
I placed this little bundle of shock inside my pussy,
AND
 
I turned it on.
 
OMFG!!!!!
It zapped, it shocked,
it rubbed my G-spot and with each pulse,
I moved deeper into orgasm.
 
But was this possible?
Was it possible that electric shock therapy for my pussy could help open me up more,
could help stimulate,
activate,
AND
 
EVEN FEEL GREAT,
in my pussy.
 
Or to my body?
 

The answer:

F-ck YES!

 
To my surprise, this little love shock device really felt great.
It was not painful,
well unless I touched my labia with it,
then OMFG!!!! that was a no effing way.
 

BOUNDARY.

 
But inserted this little egg shaped zapper, ‘sent all the pulses of increased orgasm to where I needed them.
 
But why stop there?
 
So anyone who has followed my sex coaching long, know’s that I am not a big advocate of vibrators because of the addiction and harm they can cause to nerves if over used.
 
However, I do always say that every now and then,
there is a time and a place for vibrators and they can really spice things up and be playful.
 
For someone like myself, who uses a vibrator on her clit maybe three times a year at best (because I prefer the touch of my partners lips and tongue , pubic bone and fingers) the added pleasure of a vibrator with this little electric shock therapy device was AMAZING and sent me quickly over the edge of pleasure.
 
WOW!!!!
 
So what is the moral of my tale today you may ask?
 
The moral is,
EXPLORE your body.
EXPLORE your mind.
EXPLORE imagination.
EXPLORE play.
 
Sex whether it is with someone or by ourselves is to be about embodyment of self,
connection to bliss,
an opening to rapture,
and DISCOVERY of self.
 
 
Sex is a beautiful way to explore our levels of pleasure.
So what is holding you back from saying YES to yourself?
 
What is preventing you from fully embracing your JOY,
Your PLEASURE.
Your ORGASM.
 
Is it fear, like it was for me around the exploration of something new?
 
As my 21 year old daughter always says, ” You can’t knock it until you have tried it at least once.”
 
I fully agree and actually believe that we should allow for two times of trying something new before knocking it.
 
Why?
 
Because the first time, our limbic systems are not at ease, we are caught in our heads and over thinking things too much, like I did for 5 years around this toy, we are not present in the moment for many reasons.
 
The second time, we have a better chance of being present and feeling into the event because we sorta know what to expect.
 
Now we can actually experience it,
and make a decision.
 
So don’t knock something, just because it sounds strange,
makes you go WTF? or even causes you a little concern.
 
If it is safe, if your boundaries are kept, then be a YES to yourself.
 

A yes to your pleasure.

 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Allowing Your ORGASM.

Orgasm.
I love a good orgasm.
I crave a good orgasm.
I need so desperately a good orgasm.

How about you?

Lately I have been challenged though with orgasm.
And I am noticing that it is increasingly becoming more and more difficult for me to drop down and open up to ORGASM.

I find myself with my lover,
attempting to open up,
attempting to receive,
attempting to lean more in to all that he is offering me.

I know that my pleasure increases his pleasure.
I know that it is not his responsibility to get me to orgasm.

The reality is that ONLY I can give myself an orgasm.
I do not say this as to say that only I can “rub one out.”
No I mean that only I can give myself an orgasm by allowing it to happen.

So why am I preventing myself from this pleasure?
Why am I limiting my experience?

Fear.
An Issue with Worthiness.
An Issue with Trust.
An Issue with Self- Love and thus love in itself and even toward my partner.

Here is the reality of why one does not open to ORGASM.

Instead I find myself,
laying there closed off in frustration.

I find myself craving more,
but not asking for what I need or want in the moment.

I find myself not speaking about it in general.
I find myself a prisoner in my mind during sex.
Disconnected from my body,
disconnected from my sex.

Instead of spreading my whole being more open,
Instead of saying, “Hey, I need this touch… or this position.. or this time…this kiss.” I say nothing and go into analyzation of the mechanics of what is happening, of what is wrong with me, of a technique or I just find myself drifting off into some other place that is non sexy in my mind and getting lost there until a nerve is teased and brings me back to my body for a second.

Pretty disappointing.
Especially because my partner is being present, loving, supportive, taking his time and really applying himself to my pleasure.

I see all of his greatness.
I just cannot feel it.

And this reality has NOTHING to do with him,
and everything to do with me.

So here I sit after a ton of good sexing,
with female blue balls. ( Yes that is a thing, us ladies get blue balls just like men. And we get bitchy as hell from it.)

I sit here after a bunch of good sexing,
frustrated, throbbing, achy, moody, disappointed in myself, tired and in fear.

Fear of sharing my truth.
Fear of what is going on with me inside my heart and mind.
I know my body is fine, my heart and mind though are struggling to open back up to love and connection and feel overwhelmed from all the stresses of life.
Fear of what my lover may think or feel if I share my truth.

With all of that shared, I KNOW the path I must take.
And if you are challenged with finding your ORGASM as well,
if you are experiencing a moment like what I am,
where you are having good sex,
with a good partner,
and you are enjoying the sex,
you just are NOT GETTING THERE.
You just DO NOT FEEL the release.
The CONNECTION.
The ORGASM.
But it is still good.

Then listen up!

Take it from someone who has been educating and coaching on SEX and ORGASM for the last decade and can be multi- orgasmic.

If you are feeling non-orgasmic and wonder will I ever get through this?

If you are questioning what is wrong with me?

You can get through it.
You can access your “O”
You can feel again.

The steps to pleasure are not about a better stroke.
Are not about deeper penetration.
Are not about more sex.

What you have to do is simple but not easy.

LET GO.
OPEN UP YOUR HEART.
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Stop focusing on the mechanics of sex.
Sex for us women is so very much more than mechanics.
We will NEVER access true orgasm if we are just focusing in on our genitals and the mechanics.

ORGASM is not about the “in and out”

It is about the CONNECTION.
First to self.
Then to partner.

It is a meditation.
It requires us to let go of our fears, our concerns,
our thoughts about everything else.

And JUST BECOME ONE
with our PUSSY.

As we open our hearts and soul in our sex,
we open our pussy’s ability to feel more,
to experience more.

This WILL REQUIRE our love of self,
and our understanding that we are WORTHY of pleasure and of LOVE.

We must support our ORGASM by asking for what we need.
By guiding in love our partners hands, mouths, cocks and attention.

We cannot just LAY THERE.
No.
If you craving ORGASM the way that I am, then you have to COMMIT to CLAIMING IT.

You have to ASK for IT.
DEMAND IT.

Therefore it is high time BABY,
that you speak up.
Show if you have too.
Try new things.
Get PLAYFUL.
OPEN YOURSELF.

Stop beating yourself up for not having an ORGASM.
For feeling like a shitting partner, because you cannot achieve what you and your partner both want for you,

but instead OPEN to it.

IT IS TIME YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
KNOW YOU ARE WORTH IT.

WORTH IT ALL!

No one else can do this for you.
No one else can get you to open up.
To receive.
To ORGASM.

And here is just one more reality ladies,
When you finally open to the “O” between your legs,
and it comes from your core, not the mechanics of sex.

You will be on the path to EMBRACING YOUR LIFE “O”
as well.

You will start to tap into ALL OF YOUR beautiful abundance.
You will STEP INTO YOUR POWER.

Your Goddess.
She awaits you.
She is you.

“The Goddess between my legs, makes mouths water.” – Rupi Kaur

May your rivers flow endlessly.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Don’t Get Pissed About Being Treated Like A Dog If Your Acting Liking A Puppy.

Don’t Get Pissed About Being Treated Like A Dog If Your Acting Liking A Puppy.
 
We all know people like this.
And in many cases we have all been puppy dogs at some point in our lives.
 
I know I sure have.
Years back, when I was in my teens and early 20’s I was for a sure a puppy dog in some instances.
I felt horribly insecure.
I felt like I was stupid and silly.
I felt like I was not worthy of anything in my life and that I NEEDED approval.
I NEEDED a pat on the head telling me that I was doing good.
That I was seen.
That I was loved.
 
I wanted the pat on my head so badly that I ran behind foot of my friends, my teachers and even my husband.
 
I recall him telling me how insecure I appeared.
He pointed out my pigeon toed stance.
He pointed out my slouching shoulders.
My inability to make let alone keep eye contact.
My fear to go out and be too social.
I clung to his arm like a lost little girl.
I feared being seen for who I was because I did not know who I was and I was scared that who I was was not good enough for this world.
Or for him.
I could not understand why he loved me.
Wanted to be with me.
And why he said he was not worthy of me.
 
This then.
This was a Kendal that was scared of her life.
Scared of her choices.
Scared of her own shadow.
 
Perhaps hard to believe.
But still true.
 
Even though I made my whole existence about my husband and family,
Even though I begged for approval,
begged for that pat on the head like a good puppy.
 
I was irritate when he treated me like a child.
When he scolded me.
When he fathered me.
When he would basically pat his knees and say, “Come here puppy. Aren’t you a sweet girl.”
 
Granted he never actually did this, but it was an energy that was passed between us.
It was him trying to reassure me that I was doing good,
asking for what he wanted, expecting to get it, without realizing guilting me in different ways, and treating me the way you would your pet.
 
I felt often like I was a trophy.
Not a human.
Not a woman.
Not his wife.
But an object.
 
The sick thing is that I asked for this treatment.
I encouraged it even.
 
It was the way I believed I could feel loved.
I was lost and uncertain.
I had no clue who I was and therefore I needed him to tell me who I was and to pat me on the back for being what he said.
 
I wanted to know I was doing good.
Making him happy in my efforts to be what he needed/wanted.
 
But I hated the belittling feeling that came with it.
I hated how I felt inside.
I hated not really being me.
But being something for someone else.
 
SO I bitched about being treated like this,
NEVER realizing until years later that I had done it all to myself.
 
Crazy huh?
 
The thing that I figured out about 10 years into this experience was that I always knew who I was.
 
I was just afraid to express myself.
I was just afraid that if I allowed myself to be seen that I would scare off people in my life that I currently had and I did not want to loose.
So instead of being me,
I hid me from the world and myself,
until I could no longer cope with the pain.
 
My physical body decided one day that I was going to STOP the insanity of hiding from myself or I would be in physical pain.
 
I developed Chrones.
 
Let me tell you, Chrones is not a fun dis-ease.
I spent a few years in horrible pain,
struggling to figure out how to naturally heal myself,
struggling to gain my stamina back for life,
I lived a fatigued existence,
where I started to question if I wanted to go on.
Thank goodness for my babies.
They have always been my reason for everything.
My joy.
But the pain of living with Chrones,
the uncertainty of what it would lead too.
The unstableness of my body EVERYDAY.
I felt like a prisoner in my own flesh.
 
I tried everything to heal myself.
And at the end of it all, I sat there hopeless.
Here I was in my early thirties.
Mom of five.
The prime of my life.
And I was feeling dead.
 
Lost.
Dead.
Hopeless.
Sick.
 
I felt ugly in every sense of the word.
 
But here, here is where God came in.
I knew there was something I was missing.
And one day I ended up at a church event,
it was a book release for a female author that my church was hosting. I went to the talk and listened to this woman share her story.
 
She shared her drama of finding herself.
She shared her trials and tribulations.
She shared that she realized that after the blessing of motherhood that God was offering her the most prize of all possessions.
The most joyous experience of anything.
 
And that was the birthing of herself.
 
This was what I was needing to hear.
Needing to accept.
 
This pain that I was feeling.
This struggle that I was in with my body.
With my mind, my heart, my soul.
 
It was JUST THIS.
 
I was BIRTHING MYSELF.
 
My soul was COMMANDING ME to stop being a puppy dog to others and to start being my own WOMAN.
 
My soul wanted me to CLAIM MY LIFE.
Wanted me to STOP trying to always please others,
stop looking for approval,
but instead give myself approval.
 
The more I stepped into my
POWER,
my STRENGTH,
my TRUTH,
and just allowed myself to be revealed no matter what that meant. No matter if that meant I was going to loose people in my life or not, the quicker my body healed.
The more I embraced myself, the more my SOUL acknowledged me by healing my physical body.
 
Such gratitude I hold for the woman who spoke that day at that event.
 
She made me aware of the bitch I was being.
She made me aware that my neediness was killing me.
She made me aware that I was better than what I had accepted for myself.
And she made me aware that the pain I was experiencing was an opportunity to connect,
to myself.
to God.
To my truth.
 
It was a birthing process.
 
So throw yourself a bone today.
Look at your life,
and see where you may be guilty of being a puppy dog.
Look and see how you are holding yourself back by begging like a hungry dog,
and instead of begging,
FEED YOURSELF.
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

How to Make An A*s Out Of Yourself.

Assumptions.

Have you ever noticed how feakin’ wrong you can be on things?

Have you ever just stopped and questioned why you are so persistent, so dead set on making sure that things go the way you believe they are already even in the face of reality that it is not?

Life is really funny, isn’t it?

We get involved with relationship,

all sorts of relationship and then sh*t happens and we assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling. When in fact we don’t have an effing clue.

What we are listening to, is nothing more than the babble in our heads.

This babble stems from our own insecurities and fears, not from TRUTH.

This babble is our ego’s  ignited and trying to dictate to us all that we really don’t want, but are likely to lean more into because we believe what is false.

I have done my fair share of assuming for sure.

I have been on the receiving end of assumptions as well.

Neither side is good.

Recently I was part of the babbling game of assumptions and it lead me to having to make a post on facebook to “try” and clear some things up.  However the issue with assumptions is that the one’s that are having the assumptions made on them go into the defense ( much like I have had to do) and this in the short run, prevents further clear communication as we are grasping for air to be seen, heard and witnessed in truth, all the while the assumptions are dumping them selves out and messing up the truth.

Making it hard if not impossible on the front side to see anything for what it is UNLESS one REALLY wants the truth and investigates it.

Which often NEVER happens.

Why?

Because we HUMAN.

And we humans love a good drama story.

The truth often is not as dramatic, exciting or full of gossip and luster as the assumptions.

Assumptions are like the telephone game we use to play as children.

You know the one.

I whisper something in your ear, you whisper what you heard in someone else’s and it goes around the circle as such until the last person speaks what they were told and the original person gets to say, “yes that is what I said, or no here is what I actually said.”

This is ASSUMPTIONS.

Assumptions can destroy people if they let them.

Assumptions are the basis of rumors and gossip.

Assumptions alter our thinking and beliefs about situations, people and even ourselves.

When we buy into an assumption, we allow the darkness of an untruth half baked lie to plant it’s seed in us and all our actions, thoughts and feelings moving forward are based ( no matter how hard we try) on the foundation of an assumption.

So let me get REAL with you guys so you can see the potential damage of an assumption.

TRUTH BOMB coming your way.

Here is what I shared on facebook to help clear up the assumptions that have been floating around my world lately.

See if you can guess what the assumptions were that caused my need to share this. Feel free to post your thoughts below. 🙂

———————————————————————————————–

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!! It has come to my attention that there are many misunderstanding floating around in recent and over the last year or so. I am taking this moment to share the truth since these rumors are making it back to me from multiple sources. 
1) I am NOT a prostitute, whore, tantric masseuse or bodyworker.
2) I do NOT sleep with my clients. I do NOT sleep with other women’s men either. 
3) I AM a life coach that focuses in on sexuality issues such as shame, guilt, orgasm issues, and health issues. I primarily focus in on relationship issues and sex is a major component to these.
4) I DO teach sexuality and relationship workshops and classes. They are NOT orgies, they are classes.
5) I DO coaching in the same fashion that other life coaches do (i.e. talk therapy base)
6) Most of my work these days is done through phone coaching and online courses.
7) I have been in an open relationship with my previous partner for almost 7 years. That was my first open relationship ever. We both had other lovers and knew about them. This was public knowledge for anyone close to us. 

8) My focus in life is as follows God, Family, Healing, Work

If anyone reading this would like a more in depth conversation or conformation on these things then please just ask me to share. I am happy to set the record straight about anything you may want to know or have been told.I am extremely disappointed in certain people who claim to not want drama and want to live an authentic life sharing these false truths.Truth ALWAYS comes out.Moving forward. 
Working on forgiveness around MANY things.
This song sums it up well.Blessings to all of you caught in the middle. 
———————————————————————————————-
Assumptions.
Fun stuff.
The way through assumptions is INQUIRY.
If you really want to know something NEVER EVER take the words of someone else, do your homework. Do the investigation and effing inquire with the person that you are questioning.
Often you find where the assumptions that you have been told are coming from, and how much is truth and how much is made up of the babble in someone’s else’s head.
Instead of blowing up relationships and worlds,
try a more peaceful emphatic approach of compassion and inquiry.
Use your words and your feelings to get the bottom of something.
Especially if you care at all about the person or people that you are hearing things about or speaking about.
We humans love our drama circles.
We love creations.
We love talking about things.
But in all of this,
what we accomplish is the creation of an illusion.
We support a potential lie.
When in doubt,
look at the source.
Look at the wounding.
Look at what you have always know of the person you are assuming things about.
And keep in mind Jesus words, ” Let those of you who have no sin cast the first stone.”
The reality is that assumptions are stones of judgment.
And judgement’s against us or others are often highly wrong.
Do unto others what you have done to you.

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.