AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART…JUST LIKE THAT.

AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART… JUST LIKE THAT.

 

He grabbed me,

kissed me and pushed me back onto the bed.

I was rambling on and on about my frustration,

my anger. Lost in thought and the mind.

I was distant from him.

Distant from me.

And lost beyond measure.

I could not feel my heart,

in truth I did not even want to right then.

I had been triggered and I was pissed.

Not at him.

At life in general.

My flow had been disrupted,

I had allowed it to happen and I was out of control of my life in that instant. The chaos of kids, work, house and family stirred around me and I just wanted solitude and peace but had no way of obtaining it because inside I was a storm that I had not even slowed to recognize.

 

And that was what he did.

He slowed me.

He grabbed a hold of me and led me back to my heart.

That space that I was forced into feeling my truth.

That space where I knew I was not alone in this world,

that space where he was not going to let me run from him, from us, from me.

And he passionately took hold of me there.

He moved with clarity, direction and determination.

I tried to fight his lead.

My mouth was rambling, but he kissed me and would not take my ego based words.

I pushed up against him and ran from feeling him physically, mentally, emotionally.

But he tore off my clothes and laid me naked, vulnerable before him. Devouring my flesh like a hungry wild animal and forcing me to come back to him.

Pressing himself into me,

not letting me go.

I fought with myself to feel.

I fought with the urge to physically stop his love at that moment.

Where days before I found myself lost in a trance of our eyes gazing  during our sexing, here I lay closing my eyes and wanting to hide.

Hiding from the reveal of my soul.

Hiding from my pain in feeling lost and angry.

Hiding by throwing up my armour and not allowing myself to feel.

Not allowing his intensity to penetrate my core.

My armour was weakening.

And tears fell.

My chest became tense as I attempted to hold back my breaking,

the cracking of my armour, the cracking of my heart and the desire to fully open to his touch, his kiss, his presence, his love.

His breath softly moving across my breast,

my heart beat instensing,

I could feel him.

As I came back to him,

back to us,

back me,

he let out the affirming words of, “Yes. yes.yes.”

I knew that he too felt me dropping.

Felt me feeling him.

And as I laid down my armour my pleasure arose.

with mine his came too.

And I was drawn in.

I was seen.

I was held.

I was fulfilled.

And my trust grew.

 

————————————————————————–

 

This is the taking of the feminine that the masculine must learn.

It is in deep love and devotion.

It is in divine leadership and surrender all the saame,

and it is based in soul consciousness.

Often mistaken for control or for a desire to have one’s way,

the difference is in the emotional investment in the moment, in the relationship and the centeredness in self.

The masculine is meant to lead the femeine home to her heart.

And it is the masculine that must remain strong in these moments, strong in love. Not cowering to the feminines fires but standing firm in who they are and in their purpose beyond their mate, beyond their fear or ego or desire to control her fires, but in turn they must handle her with care and passion, clarity and direction. She must feel his leadership as well as his surrender to his own heart to be able to trust him to lead her back to her  own.

 

This is the dance.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

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A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…

A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…

 

I am sitting here this cold dreary day in North Texas in total utmost gratitude for all those men that have graced my life with their energy, time, connection, sex and more.

Those men that I have laid in bed with enjoying what seemed like endless pillow talk, laughter and life shares.

Those men that made my heart sink from the loss of their presence in mine.

And for those men that infuriated me, made me feel crazy, were narcissistic, power hungry control freaks but also made me laugh and believe in the moment.

The men who caused me bodily harm.

The men who tried to destroy my dreams, my relationships and my self-esteem.

 

Yes to all these masculine, I give thanks and honor.

For without them I would not know what I want today in a man, in a life partner.

I would not be aware of my worthiness.

I would not be woken to my greatness as a woman.

And without these men,

I would continue on a path of dancing with “betweeners.”

 

First let me explain what I mean by “betweener.”

 

BETWEENER: A relationship that you know is not long lasting or “the one” but you choose to play with for a certain period of time while you figure your shiz out.

 

Betweener relationships help us heal.

They help us clarify what we want and need in a relationship.

They are educators.

 

And we ALWAYS, yes always know that they are between “real” relationships because there is something, just something that just does not fit.

 

Often this comes up in the feelings of:

*not being able to fully commit

*a nagging sense that they are not 100% with you

*insecurity in the relationship

*lack of turn on or passion

*our bodies will act shut down sexually

*we won’t feel safe stating our truth or just doing us

*there is a feeling of this is short term, a second guessing

 

These are betweener relationships.

Anytime, we know that we are not ready or able to jump into the deep end with someone, then we should get real with ourselves that we are not really aligned to this other person either for a lifemate sorta situation.

 

Often betweener relationships are lower vibration relationships.

Meaning that we call them into our relationship experience when we are wounded, heart broken or feeling lost in our lives, in who we are as individuals.

They are relationships asking us to accept less than what our heart and soul is desiring for and that most certainly reveals itself in the heart centered connection that we DO NOT have with a betweener.

 

But thank goodness for these relationships.

No matter how long they last for,

some we end up marrying,

some we date off and on for years,

and some are just flashes in the pan.

However, all of them bring forth great beauty and lessons to us if we so choose to receive them as such.

 

Knowing that we are co-creators to our reality and life experiences,

taking the responsibility for just that can allow us as individuals to see why each of these people walked into our lives when they did.

 

Perhaps they were there to help us get firm in a boundary.

Maybe they were there showing us such great beauty and love so that when our soulmate manifested that we could recognize them with greater ease.

Some betweeners, ask us to speak up louder, shine brighter or see our ego’s in more light.

Others ask us to learn how to guard our hearts and honor our truth with self-compassion and respect.

 

No matter the lesson.

They are powerful educators.

And today I just want to applaud all the “betweeners’ ‘ of my life,

because thanks to you bloaks I know who I am and what I want in a man.

 

Thanks to you I have done the clarifying of my heart’s desire and learned to slow down and listen with my heart and my intuition.

Which is exactly how we avoid betweeners and recognize “the one” that is right for us.

That soulmate love.

 

Loving you from this overcast day in Texas.

Remember that you are worthy of a great love.

A true connection of heart, mind, body and soul.

 

And to have that,

you MUST LISTEN to your Soul GPS.

Your heart and stop disregarding its directional offerings because you fear a life of being alone.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

And Queens who want a Conscious Man 🙂

 


Conscious Coffee with Kendal – Passion, Commitment and Betweener’s

 

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spiritually sound,

committed,

passionate,

makes us laugh,

and when he looks at us has us melt.

 

Yeah that guy.

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IT COULD HAVE BEEN EASIER.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER.
“It would have been easier if he did not behave like a psycho.
Would have been easier if he did not destroy things.
Would have been easier if he was not wasn’t actively causing discontent with family.
Would have been easier if he was not stalking and making sure he lived down the street.
Would have been easier if he had not slandered and bad mouthed, made up lies to destroy relationships and cause issues in other areas of life and work.
Would have been easier if he had not been a self-centered asshole who demonstrated that he only cares about himself at ALL cost.
Yeah it certainly could have been easier.
Could have been easier if he respected initial communications and requests for space.
Could have been easier if he had not spread lies to family.
Could have been easier if you didn’t know that the only reason he did not destroy the family home and belongings was because of outside intervention.
Could have been easier if he was not a MF narcissist.
Could have been easier if he was not sneaking around in the dark like a rat causing trouble and destroying other people property.
Could have been easier if he had not gone to those in traumatic situations and expect his issues to outweigh theirs and make a scene.
Could have been easier yes…
But not for the reasons that he thinks and wants everyone to believe.
Could have been easier if he took some responsibility for his actions.
And not spin it to look like it’s others who are making it not easy on him.
Could have been easier if he did’nt demonstrate his emotional imbalance and once again self-centeredness by crying wolf and telling how he just wants to commit suicide.
Yeah could have been easier.
Could have been easier if he did not continue to stalk and drive by, message and demand.
Could have been easier if he had just been honest throughout the relationship with himself and others.
Could have been easier if he had not expected his mind and heart to be read and refused authentic communication.
Could have been easier if he had listened in the communication being shared for years.
Could have been easier if he had accepted that you can not force your will on others and get their core to change or their heart.
Could have been easier if he respected boundaries and did not get so caught up in his ego to be blind.
The fact is it’s not easier by his own doing.
And the fact that he knows that he is a shell without the connection,
that he is lost in who he is.
Is revealing his true issue.”
I share this above from my heart and soul to all those out there who have had relationships that were broken and shattered.
That ended unexpectedly, and had their ex partner exhibit such control, fear, “craziness” toward them.
Or perhaps the reverse might be true.
Perhaps you were that ex-partner/lover/mate who went crazy at the loss of the one that you were in relationship with.
Perhaps you lost yourself in your pain,
in your lack of sight of how out of alignment the relationship truly was and how it was no longer serving either of you.
I offer my above tale to wake you up today.
To wake you up to the reality that in our loss we often cannot see our truth,
we cannot recognize what love is,
We often believe that we must make our pain known by forcing the other to feel pain as well.
And we do it all in the name of LOVE.
There are two realities in this tale that I share that I hope that you can gain for current and future happiness in relationship.
1. None of the above is based in love. Not love of the other nor of the self. The concept that we need to make another feel pain, know what they have done, that we need to be understood, heard or seen are not based in love but in need and ego. The hunger to do ill things to the one that we proclaimed to love so deeply until we part is not of soul and heart, it has nothing to do with love and not even with our pain of the loss, but instead it has everything to do with our desire and need to control a situation and others because we feel out of control in our lives and in our emotions. We are lost in self. We are not strong at our core or in whom we are and therefore we act out toward others attempting to scare and manipulate them to surrender to what we want of them.
Again, this has nothing to do with love of self or other and certainly does not respect the relationship, the memories, the lessons or either soul.
But instead shows the discontentment and lack of alignment as well as emotional maturity of the one acting out.
There is no proactivity in such actions, only reactivity and a believing that one is a victim to life and others.
2. It could have been easier is what we believe in situations like this.
We say this to life, to people and wonder why we have to be in such pain and suffering.
Why life is so rough and why we just seem to be destined to struggle.
The reality is that it is only difficult and painful because we make it such.
It is our resistance to our core,
to living by our heart and leaning into love and soul that creates the struggle.
The truth of this is evident in ALL subject areas of life, not just relationship and love.
We are in the power position.
We are not victims to circumstance or to others even.
We get to choose at any given moment how we perceive what is happening, what our role is in the event and how we are going to handle it best.
We get to decide moment by moment if we are going to create beauty or pain.
We get to choose if we are going to act from a place of certainty, love and truth or from fear, ego and a need to control and dominate a situation or person, an outcome.
OUR CHOICE DEFINES OUR REALITY.
These are the lessons of relationship break up and how we choose to move through it.
There are many more lessons,
Some are personal to the individual, some to the couple and others are spiritual awakenings that we all must evolve through.
How do you handle break up?
What is your goal in communication with your partner of current or of past?
Is it to be understood?
To feel as though they care or love you?
To know that your pain is felt or that they feel the same?
How do these questions serve you truly?
How are they defining who you are and helping you to become your best person?
And most importantly do these questions with their desired answers come from love and an unconditional elevated space or do they reside and come from your fear and need, your desire to control a situation and an outcome?
One will bring you happiness and growth,
the other suffering and resistance to truth,
YOUR TRUTH.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Make 2021 a year of love and beauty.
Heal your relationship,
heal your heart and move mountains so you can have that soulmate relationship of your dreams.
Reach out to me for deet’s on how to do this today.
 
PhotoCredit to DandelionImages

IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

 

If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.

If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.

If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.

If you ever loved me you would want to share.

If you ever loved me you would give me closure.

If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.

 

And so many other if you ever statements.

 

Boy, oh boy  do I ever understand the pain of loss.

The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.

 

I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,

when our beautiful plans seize to exist,

and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.

 

How can this other person who loves us,

or at least proclaimed that they did,

or at very least said that they cared,

just walk away?

 

How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?

 

Don’t they care?

 

And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.

And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,

and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.

Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.

 

It just cannot be so.

It certainly is not fair or right,

and we don’t have it coming to us.

 

Right?

I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?

 

“THAT” other person made those decisions,

acted that way, said those things and lied to us,

after all.  We would not bring this upon ourselves.

 

Well I can tell you this beautiful,

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.

 

One of two things happened.

Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.

Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.

 

So which direction did you go?

This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.

 

If you love yourself that is.

And so many people just don’t.

Hope that this is not you though.

 

You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,

your feelings and your actions.

 

If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.

 

A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.

 

Yep I said that.

Gratitude for the break up,

because they see its purpose.

 

However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.

They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.

They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.

 

They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.

A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.

A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”

 

So you see beautiful,

It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.

It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you  understand how powerful you are.

 

Because you are powerful.

You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

 

No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.

 

Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.

 

You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.

It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.

$1.4 MILLION AND YOU STILL DON’T VALUE IT!

A HEART COST $1.4 MILLION DOLLARS UNINSTALLED AND WITH ZERO ROOM AND BOARD.

 

And yet we don’t value them. We deny our hearts every f-cking day!And that is the sad truth.

 

Now you can say, well that heart that costs so much is because its primary function is to keep us alive and sometimes you need a new one to keep you going. Living is worth that much and more.

Yes living is worth that much and more. However, you are most likely not living. You are instead at best just getting by, surviving. And you are calling it living. Because while that heart of yours is beating you take it and this day for granted. Don’t you?

 

Let’s get serious.

 

You don’t even realize that you don’t value your heart. You think that it is serving its purpose just by beating and keeping the blood pumping through your veins.

 

But in truth…you are abusing it. You are not listening to it. You are actually denying it.You avoid it. You run from it. And you do it all in the name of “logic.”

 

Society and your upbringing hijacked your heart from you and you have bought it hook line and sinker ( big on the sinker part too) that you are to NOT LISTEN to your MF heart.

 

And then you wonder why sh*t don’t work out for you. Why you feel lost. Why you are never really happy. You may have fleeting moments of happiness, but you don’t really sink all the way into it do you. You may feel good here and there, but your “good days” require outside sources to act and do certain things. You don’t legitimately feel damn good.

 

Now you may tell a little lie here, I get it, you don’t want to actually surrender to the truth of your reality that you have allowed yourself to get a bit f-cked up through life. You want to feel like you are in control or perhaps that you are not in control, that life has caused all of this and you were not on board with it, but those are the cards that were dealt to you and you are doing the best you can with what you got.

 

The reality is that you are in control. You have allowed yourself to lose your heart. You may have not known that you were allowing it, you may have thought that it is just the way life is, you may have actually believed that if you listened to your heart that it would make you weak, lost or feeling stupid in someway. That it was not a good source of wisdom.

 

The opposite is true.

 

It is your GPS.

It is your path.

And it is far more valuable than $1.4 million.

It is worth EVERY F-CKING THING.

 

But you still don’t get it.

You still believe that it’s too dangerous to follow,

too uncertain to trust.

You still believe that it will get you into trouble and cause you pain and suffering,

because you “think” that those past painful events that you have lived through,

that some if not all of them were actually caused by your hearts poor judgment.

And so you deny it still.

And you have chosen to sit in agony for the rest of your days, avoiding life.

Turning away from bliss and joy, surrender to love and having all that you want for.

 

It’s sad.

Truly it is that so many choose this path of not discovering themselves.

 

And that is what the heart is all about.

Discovery of your truth.

It is your source of alignment to self,

to God.

 

It is through the soft words of our hearts and guidance that we can be led to everything.

 

It is said,

“The heart wants what the heart wants.”

 

And that is true.

It wants your joy.

 

But you must be willing to surrender to it.

To be unveiled and willing to drop your armour and feel.

It demands us to feel all of life,

the perceived good and bad.

 

Because it is through these things that we gain clarity and certainty in what our hearts crave.

 

Clarity.

Did you hear that?

Clarity, which is key to living a f-ck yes life,

key to having the love, the money, the well being that you speak of wanting.

You can strive for it through logic all your days,

and you can touch on it here and there,

but will never be able to maintain and keep it with joy without your heart.

You will find yourself struggling.

Fighting with others and self,

feeling lost and unseen,

while you fight to avoid what your heart already knows.

And this will be your ultimate suffering.

 

Not knowing the self.

Not living from alignment.

Not feeling life move through.

 

So what do you choose beautiful?

What will it be?

 

Continuing to live by other ideas, perceptions and judgement of who you are and what you should or should do or be?

 

Continue fearing the decisions that you make and what direction is best?

 

Continue wondering if you will ever be happy?

 

Or FINALLY surrendering to your divine GPS known as your heart.

Making it the most valuable tool that God has ever given you?

 

It’s time beautiful to acknowledge your truth, your power and your joy.

 

It’s time to say F-ck Yes! to your heart.

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to make 2021 a year of living your truth?

Reach out to me to discover the path to alignment to who you really are and tapping into your power now.

WHAT’S IT TAKE TO NEVER WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER SECOND DATE AGAIN?

WHAT’S IT TAKE TO NEVER WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER SECOND DATE AGAIN?
The short answer for me is: a soulfully deep raw elevated authentic relationship.
Should be a piece of crumb cake, right?
I mean you land those every other day of the week in our superficial world where love is based on how you make me feel and how well you mask your truth from me and I from you so that we don’t ever really dig down deeper and really witness each other at a core state of being.
Of relating.
So many couples in today’s world of relating are in relationship simply because it makes them feel – complete.
It makes them feel like they are successful,
they are someone and when that person,
their person turns to them and holds them in their focus then they are on top of the world and they are in love.
When their person acts, speaks and appears to be the way that they desire,
and does not rock the boat too much with their truth then all is groovy and they are happy in their fake relationship and love.
But lord help the one who chooses to be true to themselves.
Who chooses to stand firm in their core and know themselves.
I mean that would be selfish, right?
And selfishness is not kewl.
After all,
relationship, especially intimate relationship,
a life partner relationship is all about the giving of self to support, show your unwavering love and commitment to the other.
There is zero room for selfishness in a committed relationship of this nature.
LOL.
It does not make sense to me.
Zero room for selfishness,
selfishness is evil, bad and you “should not” do it to anyone that you love for sure.
After all you should only think of the others feelings, thoughts and perceptions.
You are responsible for that person’s emotional, mental, physical well being and that is a lot of responsibility so take it seriously and DO NOT think of self first.
MmmmmmHmmmm….
Okay.
This does not work.
If we lose ourselves in relationship then we lose our core,
we get lost in this world and we end up feeling empty, lost and unworthy. Without direction or purpose.
And this in turn causes us to start to act and treat our partner with bitterness, fear, anxiety and we show up with low self-esteem and respect. We cave on our boundaries and we end feeling used.
All because we believe that selfishness in relationship is evil.
So let me present a little different concept on intimate relationships.
Coming back to my simple not so simple answer to what it would take for me to consider never having another second date again.
What would make me commit the rest of my years to this one person.
To become rock solid in a relationship without question or waivering and just have the desire to carry it deeper.
“A soulfully deep raw elevated authentic relationship.”
That’s what.
But why these characteristics?
I believe that the majority of relationships are teachers and healers,
they are soul based contracts you could say that are not meant to last a lifetime in the intimate fashion but instead come to us to help us grow, expand, heal and clarify who we are and what we want in relationship and life.
These relationships often do not carry a bunch of luster, they feel good, logical, fun, but they do not have the soulful bonds that you can feel with someone when there is so much more at play.
These relationships also have us attracted to our opposites often, baring with them certain traits or beliefs from our partners that are not in alignment with who we are. They make us analyze our core, question our worthiness and who we are and often push our boundaries and ask us to make choices between ourselves and the relationship.
Where a soulful relationship is based on alignment.
It’s an energetic connection that has you feeling as though you are in harmony not only with the other person, but even more so with yourself and with life and God.
You feel passion, purpose and drive in a soulful relationship.
You are not fearful to speak your truth, the opposite is actually true, you desire to share all facets of yourself and reveal your core because you have this feeling that you are held in love and without question.
Soulful relationships have a knowing to them.
A knowing of the souls.
It is the relationships where you feel like you are coming home.
Depth is the next big thing for me.
I may play with a surface based relationship,
but it will last for that long, months and possibly a few years at best,
but without depth the relationship will fade.
But what does true depth mean?
Many people say they have a deep relationship,
they say that they share and talk about everything with their partner,
but when you really look at this you would be shocked to find out it’s not true.
The majority of relationships hide behind idle conversation about groceries, houses, work, media and whatever else can fill in the gaps.
True depth is when you can sit in stillness and say nothing at all and come out of the experience feeling like you shared thousands of years with someone.
True depth is about just witnessing each other,
letting each partner be themselves and be fully seen, expressed.
True depth comes from individuals who take responsibility for themselves, owning who they are, developing self-love and peace within as a primary stable ground before venturing into relationship and not having the concept that it is their partners responsibility to fix anything for them.
Depth comes from personal growth, spiritual growth and being self-aware.
The word raw brings up fear for many people.
It is the scary descriptive word of vulnerability, intimacy.
And we relate vulnerability to weakness.
We have been taught as a society to armour up our hearts and protect. To not trust each other and to constantly look for the gotchas because time and experience has always shown us how unsafe we are even with those closest to us.
And this folks is a major component to why a relationship fails.
We are terrified of showing ourselves.
We are terrified of feeling or being felt.
We are terrified of witnessing someone’s truth and not being 100% ok with who they are, their views, ideas or desires/needs.
We are terrified that who we are will not be accepted.
We are terrified of putting our all into anyone and trusting that our souls know what they are doing.
We are terrified putting down the armour and just sinking into our hearts,
because what if we get hurt?
Well the truth is that every relationship no matter how long it is around in your life WILL hurt you in some way.
It’s how we choose to handle that pain.
It’s what we choose to focus on.
Do we venture into a relationship waiting for the bottom to drop out and therefore forever holding back pieces of ourselves and in turn creating exactly what we fear?
Or do we give it our all?
Real, Raw, Unapologetic, Vulnerable.
Many people claim that they offer this…
And I ask you to question yourself, is that true?
Because it’s the most challenging thing to do to breathe in and lean deeper into love without expectation, just faith.
Relationships should elevate you.
You know we say that we “fall in love” butI prefer to say that we get “elevated by love.”
The relationship that makes you not want for any more second dates should be the relationship that has you desiring for more from yourself, from life and should bear with it a hunger and knowing that life is limitless.
If the relationship has you questioning your worthiness,
fearing what tomorrow brings,
has you changing your core to fit the relationship and hold on to it,
then it’s not a relationship that can support WHO YOU ARE for the long haul.
Elevated relationships are based in soul, in authentic unconditional love and respect, and come with the desire to build each other up and expand but merge deeper with each other.
When you think of power couples and how they seem to be unstoppable in life it is because they focus on elevating self, each other and the relationship as a whole, instead of eliminating things that cause them fear or raise their ego’s.
Authenticity.
Another challenging word.
We all want honesty, truth thus authenticity,
However when it comes right down to it we cannot handle our own truth often and we certainly are troubled by other people’s especially our lover/partner when it is not what we want to hear or witness. When it seems like they are being selfish, when they are asking for something or sharing something that is a difficult conversation or pulls up old wounds and triggers us into our pain bodies.
However authentic relating is key if you want long lasting commitment, connection and love to stay.
If you need your partner to be something that they are not for you to hold space for them or love them, be committed to them, then perhaps you need to ask yourself if you really are right for each other.
Authenticity is about speaking your heart and soul especially when it is difficult but doing it from a place of self-responsibility and love for all.
For me personally,
if these things are not at play then the simple truth is that the relationship is there to teach me, help me to move through things and to clarify exactly what I do want to call into my life.
When I am in relationship and know that it is just a teacher to me,
I make sure to make it known that I am not 100% committed, that I enjoying the moment for what it is and I will practice relationship and unconditional authentic relating within the container but that the relationship is there to serve each of us to become more of who we really are so that we can each call in the relationship that our souls know is home.
These teacher relationships help us to define and paint the picture of what our SOUL RELATIONSHIP holds within it and when we come into contact with that relationship we feel it at our core and we with the tremendous alignment that it brings with it.
It is a knowing.
I challenge you today to look at your relationship and ask how aligned you truly are to it and to your partner?
Are you 100% authentic and feel that you are held without question or expectation in the relationship?
Do you feel like your relationship and life is limitless?
You are deserving of a soulful aligned turned on relationship with depth that elevates you to the heavens and maintains its connection to the end of your days in this lifetime.
But it starts with YOU LOVING YOU and standing firm in your core,
getting to know self and accepting the lessons from your teacher relationships as you step forward to the feeling of coming home in that soul aligned relationship that is waiting for you.
Say yes to you.
Say yes to love.
Say yes to beauty.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know how to call in the soulmate of your desires?
Reach out to me for 1;1 coaching to get into alignment with love, abundance and more.
 
Photo credit DandelionImages

WE RISE AND WE FALL…

WE RISE AND WE FALL…

 

This is the cycle of love.

This is relationship.

We lean in and we reveal our deepest aspects,

trusting to be fully received, to be held and loved,

here in this space where we are willing to sacrifice ourselves so often to hold onto love,

to hold onto connection.

 

The feeling of love that whafts over us,

lifts us,

carries us and seems to heal our wounds,

heal our fears,

and make us have faith again in love,

in relationship,

in ourselves and in others.

The feeling of love has us want for more closeness,

makes us want to take away the space between ourselves and the the one we have put our attention toward,

we go deeper,

and we open in faith that this other human being will hold us safe no matter what,

we feel as though they will always choose us over anything else,

including themselves,

and we drift.

We drift into our delusions away from the truth,

away from our core,

away from reality and in this moment of believing that they will always choose us over even themselves,

we give away our power.

We lose ourselves.

 

And thus we lose the relationship.

For in the rise of what we call love,

we create our own suffering.

We cling to this other human making them our everything,

and we forget who we are.

Soon, we swirl and twirl within ourselves,

losing our footing,

and becoming whatever this other needs us to be,

instead of standing true to our core.

We start to lie to ourselves,

we tell ourselves that we do this or that for love,

that we must be something that we are not,

and that that is just how life is,

how love is and what is expected.

Our lies to self eat away at our core,

our spirit becomes enraged and feels suffocated,

but we continue the process of being,

being what our love needs of us.

Sharing our ideas,

sharing our hearts,

sharing our soul,

becomes less and less and we become a vessel of empty space,

empty space that leads to poison of the relationship,

of the love that we cherished so deeply.

And we fall.

 

What lifted us into the heavens,

what washed a smile over our face,

what lit us up and made us want for more,

now has us hiding.

Now creates pressure that we cannot breathe under.

And we fall into our own inner abyss,

fearful to share.

Fearful to damage,

fearful to hurt self or other by speaking our truth,

by leaning back into the space that we know we must go.

 

To stay alive,

to awaken from this pain body that we trapped ourselves in,

we must,

we must decide to choose us over the love,

over the other,

over everything.

And we lean in.

We lean into the raggedy edge of loving self,

enough to be true to our core.

And so we stretch into the awkward space that we had abandoned,

the space of US.

 

Here in this container of our soul,

we retrieve the lost aspects of who we once were.

We tap back into knowing our core,

and without warning we breathe in and find our world crumbling.

The love,

the relationship,

the other,

shatter.

The version of who we were for them, for the love that we had sacrificed ourselves for,

had believed their inauthenticity of loving us through anything,

of supporting us of being strong in our power,

in their claims of wanting all of us,

in holding us,

become clear once we choose coming home to self.

Coming back into alignment with soul.

Knowing our core and igniting ourselves from that space.

 

Yes now…

now that we are breathing,

now that we are feeling our core,

aligning back to soul,

that love,

it is no more,

and it appears that we are falling,

when in truth we are rising.

And what we were blind to was the reality that while we were choosing the relationship over our core,

that that was when we were actually falling.

 

True love is to lift us up to our greatest potential.

True love does not require us to step away from our core,

from our truth,

True love does not shame you for who you are,

true love not not desire to destroy what it fears,

because love does not fear anything,

least of all the rise of the soul.

 

————————————————————————-

 

To all those who sacrifice their core selves,

who step away from their soul and who they are,

in the name of love and have found themselves lost at the end of the day.

 

Love never expects you to be anything more or less then who you are.

 

Love expects you to love self first and most,

can hold your truth without reason or question and will never lie to you about its desires, or provide false hope in lieu of getting what it wants from you: You to conform to it.

 

Know thyself.

Love thyself.

Never second thyself.

 

And speak your truth even if it means goodbye.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”WE RISE

A CONNECTION THAT FEELS LIKE YOUR SOUL IS MAKING LOVE.

A CONNECTION THAT FEELS LIKE YOUR SOUL IS MAKING LOVE.

 

This is something that is rare.

It is far and few between,

and it is yummy AF!

 

You cannot force these connections,

you can not hunt for them,

demand or manipulate these connections.

They come into our lives when we are not looking for them,

they ignite us to our core and stir our very souls into their authentic expressions.

Sometimes they birth themselves out of what seems like no where,

and other times they build and reveal themselves slowly over time.

No matter how they manifest,

a connection that draws you in,

ignites your core and makes you feel drunk in your dance with life,

makes you want for more in every moment,

has you opening and surrendering to your beauty,

your brilliance,

just because you have tapped into this energy,

is something to take accounting of.

 

So often in life however we rub up against these magical encounters and we shut down out of fear.

We hide ourselves and run away from them,

because we fear what they will erupt inside of us.

The changes that they can induce.

 

If we have been so lucky to explore such a connection,

then we know its value.

We understand how they birth into existence a new reality of self, life, love and abundance.

How such encounters will forever change us,

making it where all encounters forward will have to be not equal but greater than inorder to emboss themselves on us,

in order to be captivated,

we find ourselves not settling for anything equal or lesser than,

but hungering for more.

And if we are so lucky to have such an encounter come through our lives more than once,

we desire to not let it go.

We desire to breathe life into it,

we desire to feed it with our hearts,

our souls,

our very essence.

 

Because when you have a connection that makes you feel as though you are making love with your souls in any given moment,

without even a physical touch,

but instead all you have to do is close your eyes, breathe deep and feel this connection,

or look into the eyes of the matching soul,

then you understand the power of the connection.

You feel it move you from your deepest depths of self.

You feel it strip you naked and reveal you in ways that you could never imagine.

 

These sort of connections have you smiling for no reason.

Looking at life from the perspective of love instead of fear.

Suddenly you can see opportunities.

You can see solutions.

The little nagging shit does not get you down.

Yes they create rose tinted glasses to your world,

but even more so they have you operating with a smiling heart and soul.

And by doing so,

These sort of soul connections enable us to create a beautiful life.

As they ignite us to our own beauty, power and worthiness,

they create abundance in all things good and magnetize to them more of this feeling.

 

From this feeling of love,

of soul love making,

you find yourself manifesting with ease.

Your life becomes magical.

You operate in ease and flow,

luck seems to follow you everywhere you go.

And people wonder what you are doing?

Why do you radiate so?

 

But how can we call these sort of soul connections into our lives?

 

If you cannot force, hunt or manipulate them to form,

then how does one go about experiencing them.

 

Simple…

practice loving life to its fullest prior and without such connections.

Practice feeling abundant,

in love to your depth,

practice loving self.

Practice feeling your truth,

embody yourself and stay clear of dancing with the desire to over think, worry, fear and hold yourself away from things that rattle your cage.

 

Start to recognize that your world,

your life is manifested from how you feel inside.

It comes about based on who you truly are,

and who you truly are is shown by the thoughts you think,

the feelings you have from those thoughts,

and your ability to own your own truth.

To witness yourself naked, real and authentically without the glasses of ego that distort.

Without the fear of what ifs and ideas, judgements of others.

 

When we let go of the baggage of this world and put our faith back into the reality of love,

then we start to create a magical expression of life.

 

FAITH IS KNOWING WHAT MY SOUL KNOWS WITHOUT LIFE HAVING TO PLAY IT OUT FOR ME PRIOR.

 

And from here…

 

from here we call in the magic of connections that make us feel like we’re making love with our souls.

 

From here we birth into existence our truth.

Our beauty into reality.

And plays it out in our own timeless orchestra before us. 

 

Where we live in bliss.

Peace.

and certainty.

 

It’s time my love for you to embrace this reality as your own.

It is time to lay down the shackles of yesteryear and realize who you are.

 

It is time to claim this magical reality that is available for all of us and is what we are born to realize.

 

Come fly with me.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Reach out to me to discover how you can call in a high vibe relationship today.

 

A TIMELESS LOVE.

TIMELESS LOVE.

 

That feeling of coming home,

where you feel as though life is fully aligned,

where you have a peace inside no matter how hard the storms outside blow.

 

There is a stillness that overtakes,

the rhythms of life seem to ripple from your heart,

and you just cannot seem to imagine how the feeling can expand any further,

and yet it does.

 

Each breath awakens a greater sense of knowing.

Bringing forth a desire to be fully revealed,

to drop all guards,

all armour being put down as the magnitude of authentic sight comes into play.

 

In total free fall,

going against all that you might have paused over in the past,

fear may rise up but is quickly washed over with your inhale of the reality of what is being presented before you.

 

Mesmerized,

as though in a strange intoxication,

a slumber where you are conscious,

where you are hungry for more.

Yet, in full gratitude for this moment.

Accepting that if this were to be the last moment that you would count yourself blessed to the ends of the earth for having just this moment.

 

This beautiful, timeless moment.

Leaning toward another moment,

breathing in the here and now,

not wanting to miss it.

 

Full absorption,

of self, of life, of this timeless love.

That seems to have been here making itself known from sources that were false, revealing itself in the eyes of others,

for you to recognize.

Naked before self,

before each other,

under the starry sky,

there revealed in full surrender,

the answer that you have looked a millennia for,

that you fear of missing now,

and here…

 

Here it is.

Right before you.

Naked.

Revealed.

 

Asking for you to be no more than who you are.

Desiring no more than your openness.

Your truth.

 

It’s terrifying.

It’s breathtaking.

It’s all you have craved,

and you find yourself torn.

A gripping fear of losing it,

of messing it up,

somehow it escaping yet again.

and then the knowing…

 

The knowing that it is timeless and it cannot be lost.

It has found you,

it has aligned you,

it has awakened and healed your core,

and it is here now to take you deeper than you have ever gone,

to lift you higher then you have ever been before.

 

There is no need to question,

no need to fear,

no need to worry about your intoxication,

there is only the acceptance of it filling you,

lighting you up and revealing you from your soul level.

 

For in the eyes of a timeless love,

there is only this moment.

 

Surrender to it.

Drink it up,

absorb it.

Breathe it in and realize self.

Realize the power that has been gifted,

embrace the passion that is emerging from your soul,

allow yourself to be ignited,

to awaken and be raw,

Naked in every way.

 

Beyond the physical.

A timeless love is always there,

it is there at your greatest depths of self knowing.

It is what we all are called toward,

but few allow themselves to embrace.

 

Timeless love is here to reveal our truth.

To open us to our power and see how beautiful we are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Wanting to tap into that space of learning how to stand naked in every way with life, love and soul?

Reach out to me to learn the steps to awaken your soul today to the freedom based life that you are called to live.

STOP AVOIDING THE GRAVITATIONAL PULL.

GRAVITY.

THE PULL OF SOMETHING THAT YOU CANNOT RESIST.

 

Gravity just is.

You can argue it,

you can try and fight against it.

Resist with all your might.

And much like mother nature,

the sea and the sky,

gravity does not care what is going on in your life, in your emotions, your bank account or with much of anything.

Gravity just is.

 

You can walk through life unconscious.

You can move with logic and reason,

creating the safest environment possible,

dotting all your “i” and crossing all your “t”

you can be smart AF and do it all right,

but no matter what,

gravity is always there,

and when it wants you to pay attention,

when your soul has had enough of your nonsense of ignoring your path,

denying yourself and your heart,

gravity will come along and quickly remind you of everything that you desire and long for.

 

Gravity is there pulling you back home.

 

We humans are really good at separation,

at stepping outside of ourselves,

away from our feelings and hearts,

We are great at saying that things don’t matter.

We do so with wonderful reason of not wanting to be selfish,

not wanting to be “that person” who is an asshole who disregaurds others for the sake of going after the life, the love, the wealth, the whatever we are being pulled toward.

And so we wonder our days shut down and closed off to the beauty of what life has to offer us.

We wonder in fear,

and we repress ourselves into spiritual starvation until we are diseased, depressed, lost and frustrated with no idea of who we are any longer.

 

And then gravity is there to catch us.

Into its grip we fall from our slumber of avoidance.

 

And we fall hard most often.

Often we don’t even see gravity coming for us.

It just happens one day.

 

BAM!

 

We wake one morning and we view life differently.

We meet people differently,

our hunger for who we are is just there,

in our face screaming at us and having us do things that we typically would not do.

Having us take action and make plans,

and we still fear the loss of our world that we have created,

but thanks to gravity we are strangely okay with whatever needs to happen, happening.

 

Gravity has us stop making excuses.

Gravity has us look in the mirror and say who the f-ck are you anyway?

Gravity awakens us to our next best step.

Gravity sets us on our path.

It puts us back to where we need to be.

 

Here, EMBODIED in self.

 

Because THIS life,

it’s not anyone else’s life but our own.

 

We are reminded by these gravitational points in life where we get our polarity adjusted to where it needs to be,

that we are here to live for self.

 

And in attempting to live for everyone else,

in putting ourselves on the back burner,

on turning or fires down,

on hiding our light,

our hearts, our passions and desires,

that we do no one any favors.

Because we live in a weakened state of being.

We give all our power over to others,

and we no longer remain.

All that we came here to be, to share, to experience in our life vanishes when we stop living for ourselves.

And with it we stay just out of the grasp of what we crave the most.

 

OUR OWN HAPPINESS.

 

Living for others and by others will and desires will never bring us happiness.

 

Living with the fear of the “what if I am who I am,”

no one will accept me here,

no one will love me here,

no one can handle me here.

 

Living in this fear,

where the only solution is to hide self.

Shrink self,

and pretend to be whatever we perceive will keep the peace,

make others happy in the pursuit to make ourselves feel safe and hopefully happy because we feel safe,

simply will not bring what we desire at the end of our days.

 

Gravity when we open ourselves to those things that pull us in,

calls to us from the wild,

and says,

 

“Come over here.”

“Over here.”

“Here”

 

And when we listen to the pull,

we move toward the pull,

we lean,

we fall,

we run toward the pull,

Those things are catalysts to the life and joy,

the sheer ecstasy that we crave.

 

Gravity is a sign of our path home to self.

Back to our power.

Back to our souls and hearts.

 

Pay attention to the gravitational pull,

it is there for a significant reason.

It is calling you home.

 

Few things in this life will have a strong gravitational pull,

but those that do are worth the attention,

the time,

the commitment.

 

Run toward them.

 

You will discover the life, the love, the wealth that you have always dreamed of here,

here in your home.

 

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

It’s time to receive the lover of your dreams.

 

It’s time to stop fearing the what ifs.

 

It’s time to say yes to your F-ck Yes Life,

 

Now and forever more.

 

 

Reach out to me for coaching opportunities globally.