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Say It With Me! Commitment Is Everything.

OMFG!

So there I was leg up on the lip of my shower,

shaving the back of my thigh,

hot water washing down my back,

irritating me because it was washing out my conditioner prematurely,

when it came to me.

 

I figured out why I have a resistance to love.

Not just to love,

but to allowing myself to fall deeply,

penetratively in love with my man,

with my life,

with ME.

 

I was flabbergasted at my realization. 🤦‍♀️

 

How could I be so silly to not have caught this before.

Perhaps I was just unwilling to see it.

Perhaps I was not ready to fully let go.

Perhaps a whole lot of shit to be frank about it,

and the reality is simple.

 

I,

Me,

have been holding myself back from the feelings and experiences that I have desired for the last two plus years almost.

 

Crazy as it sounds.

It is true.

And thanks to my shower today and now nicely shaved legs,

I was blessed with the ability to change it.

Because you see you cannot change something until you awaken to the fact that it needs changed in the first place.

Which is why life is the way that it is.

Sure we get ample opportunity to see what needs to happen,

we feel it at our cores often,

but we humans tend to disregard anything that is not smack dab in our faces presenting a challenge.

AKA a PROBLEM.

 

Which is why we create problems for ourselves.

We need them to expand.

To grow and to create the life that we are called to live.

 

Problems allow us to witness what needs attention,

what needs improvement,

change.

 

And often they rise up from our “feelings”

yes those nasty things that we are told to not pay much attention too because they will misguide us.

But the reality is that our feelings are there to guide us.

They are there to tell us when we are not in alignment to our souls path.

 

And that causes us pain.

Of some sort.

 

So what do we do?

We get into a sticky painful situation,

and we COMMIT to change our evil ways.

We commit to work harder.

Work smarter.

To not trust so easily.

To take better care of our bodies and our hearts.

We commit to trying harder.

And the list goes on.

 

And don’t get me wrong, commitments make our realities.

 

However, the trick is knowing what you committed to and if the commitment is in alignment with your soul’s desire.

 

You see, this commitment that I made about two and half years ago, was not ultimately in alignment with my heart or soul. It was a commitment made out of pain.

Intense pain, my heart was breaking and I was scared and angry at this for happening. I was not understanding why it was happening or how this could even be. And in my suffering I stated to the person who I blamed with great emotional attachment,

” I will NEVER love again.”

I went on to tell him that I would never trust a man again or surrender the way I had with him, that if this is what it got me then it was too big a price to pay and I was committing to not not allow myself to get hurt again at this level.

 

You may think that those were just words,

that I could just ignore and carry on.

That someone awesome could turn around and walk into my life and change my commitment.

 

And perhaps,

perhaps that might be so.

 

But it has not been so for me.

Instead my other commitments to myself that I wrote down prior to this one above, started to knock heads with this commitment and even though I had manifested a wonderful man into my world,

not just any man BTW,

but a man that I scripted out in my journal and who has 75% of my list of desires in a man,

yeah… not bad for a day’s worth of journaling work.

 

Yeah, not even he could break through this commitment to love.

And so, it has been that the last two years I have consistently kept myself “safe from love” not allowing myself to feel what I have wanted to feel fully and getting repeatedly upset with the world and my life and soul because of it but not catching the root of my issue.

 

MY COMMITMENT.

 

This morning as I thought about it,

and as life would have it all week long,

I have had plenty of opportunity to read through old journal entries as I clean up areas of my home.

 

My soul most certainly is on a mission to CONFIRM to me that I am really great at holding commitment to myself.

Especially commitments made with strong emotional attachment.

 

A few years back,

when I was struggling financially to get over the $100k a year mark in my practice, I committed to myself and wrote it faithfully for months on end in my journal that,

 

“I commit to make no less than $95,000 a year from this moment forward.”

 

That year I made $146k.

And I have not looked back since.

 

I also wrote,

” I commit to having my schedule booking out 4 months in advance.”

 

And it still remains so that my schedule is booking 4 to 6 month in advance.

 

” I commit to being recognized on TV.”

 

And shortly thereafter, was called by Lifetime TV to work on an episode of Married at First Sight.

 

My list of commitments is long.

My list of emotionally supported commitments is long.

Some emotions however, support my soul’s desires.

And some do not.

 

My shower realization is that although commitments are thought to be a good thing,

and they most certainly do mean the world.

That what we as individuals need to understand,

is the true power of our words.

 

Of our commitments to self.

And what we say in passion sticks with us and sometimes can get buried under our day to day lives and thoughts.

 

Sometimes these commitments we carry for a lifetime,

and they can be the root cause to us not thriving no matter how hard we work,

to not feeling love, no matter how hard we love,

to not feeling safe,

no matter how hard we try and make ourselves trust.

 

Commitments make our realities.

Let’s start being conscious of them,

and changing the ones that no longer serve.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Watch: Say It With Me!Commit to NOT Lick Your Phone

 

Take advantage right now of a lifetime opportunity to work with me in my intensive 4 week mastermind where you get to work 1:1 with me to learn the keys that I woke up to back in 2009 and changed my whole life outcome with.  Let me guide you through the turbulence of the storms and show you the power of letting go of fear so that you can create the life of dreams, you know that you desire and deserve it. Let’s make it happen. Message me for deet’s

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Here Is Why You Are Not Receiving Your Blessings.

 

Blessings are abound my love,

but you refuse to see them.

 

Your life is expanding,

your fortune is growing,

your soul is speaking to you and guiding you with each breath that you take,

but you my love,

ignore and choose to focus on things of past that do not matter.

You choose to pull forth your fears instead of your blessings and desires.

Why my love?

Why do you insist on living a saga instead of a dream?

Why do you choose to suffer and rage,

to fear and struggle instead just simply letting go of all of those things that you were caught up in yesterday and last month or year,

and instead firmly step into what you want and who you truly are?

 

You question and huff why good things happen to everyone else and not to you,

you fixate on life being hard.

And ignore the blessings and abundance,

the quick manifestation,

the miracles that just seem to happen each day,

you ask for help and it is always there,

always showing up for you and never being acknowledged,

yet you say how important gratitude is to you,

you say that you are awakened,

you say that you are doing your best,

you say so much,

but what you are doing much of is fearing life.

 

And that, that you fear will continue to scare you.

You give it reason,

you give it purpose and strength.

You give it life my love.

And no one on this planet can ever help you out of this drama that you so eagerly keep yourself in.

 

The excuses and reasons,

the finger pointing.

The blame and bitterness,

it is nothing more than resistance to your blessings.

To your worthiness and an ignoring of the glory that is all about you.

 

Today.

And Always.

 

But you turn away.

You close your eyes,

just as you may choose to disregard this message and blame the economy,

the government,

the world crisis,

your health or another human.

you may blame your broken heart,

or your upbringing,

but all of that blame,

yes all of it,

is your resistance to your birth right of worthiness and well being.

 

You were not born to struggle.

You were not born to fear.

You were not born to live in such drama and pain.

 

Wellbeing is who you are.

Wellbeing is what life’s all about,

It is the natural flow of our lives as abundance in all things that we love, and bringing us joy are part of the natural tides of our lives.

 

So why do you resist your nature my love?

Why do you desire so to not live the glory that God wants for you and offers each moment?

Why do you keep fighting for your lack?

 

When all you ever need to do is say yes to your blessings.

Yes to you.

yes to everything that is always being offered to best support and love  you now.

 

Get out of your past failures and fears,

step away from the pain and know that you can put it down,

put your attention on what you want.

Bring your heart into alignment with joy.

Into alignment with love.

And let yourself triumph over the fear of yesterday.

 

You are a king.

You are a queen.

You are the creator of your day.

 

Today.

And Always.

 

So say goodbye to reasons and excuses.

Claim your life now,

the way that it has always been intended.

 

Say Yes — To YOU!

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WATCH – You Want THIS But You Can’t Have It. Remember to like and leave a comment. 🙂

 

 

Take advantage right now of a lifetime opportunity to work with me in my intensive 4 week mastermind where you get to work 1:1 with me to learn the keys that I woke up to back in 2009 and changed my whole life outcome with.  Let me guide you through the weeds and to your garden luv, you know that you desire and deserve it. Let’s make it happen. Message me for deet’s

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It’s Time To Give Yourself THIS.

Give yourself permission….
It is time that you give yourself permission to have the life that you desire now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to have the love that you want for now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to have the health and body that you crave for now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to receive all the blessings and abundance that God has in store for you now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to speak from your soul and listen with your heart now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to be you without shame or guilt.
It is time that you give yourself permission to feel and know your worthiness.
It is time that you give yourself permission to smile and laugh.
It is time that you give yourself permission to focus on what you want.
It is time that you give yourself permission to walk in faith.
It is time that you give yourself permission to relax into your natural flow.
It is time that you give yourself permission to communicate your truth.
It is time that you give yourself permission to live according to your path.
It is time that you give yourself permission to trust yourself.
It is time that you give yourself permission to forgive yourself and others.
It is time that you give yourself permission to let go of your past.
It is time that you give yourself credit for all that you do.
It is time that you allow yourself to love yourself.
It is time that you give yourself compassion.
It is time that you give yourself grace.
It is time that you give yourself permission.

Because NO ONE else will ever do so.

We live in a world that we feel compelled to always listen to what others think.
To take into account their feelings and beliefs.
To give more credit to others views of the world and of our lives then what our own hearts know of us.
We live in this world where it is said that others are more important than self,
and that, that is what defines a good person or not.
This world that we have created will never serve our highest good in this format however.
It will never help us reap the dynamic loving relationships that we all crave for.
It will never support true happiness,
nor will it support our life callings and purpose.
Because if we are to live the life that we were born to live,
if we are to speak in integrity and from a place of strength and deep compassion and love,
then we must first be able to offer this to ourselves.

Just yesterday I did a call with a beautiful man,
I could feel his deep heart and depth of desire to become truly himself. To know who he is and to offer it to this world.
But what he was lacking from being able to do this,
although seemingly so simple,
is one of the most challenging things to obtain.
And that is self-love and acceptance.
The knowing of one’s worthiness.
Not just worthiness for material items or the amount they get paid each year,
but true worthiness.
The worthiness of love, of living a shameless life.
The worthiness of forgiveness and compassion.
The worthiness to have grace.

And all of this must first be birthed from within.
It is a challenge for each of us,
in many different ways.
But today I offer you the thought to ponder here my dear reader,
I offer you the thought of,
” Am I living according to my worthiness or according to what this world thinks of me?”

The latter will never serve you and it most certainly will not serve your alignment to God.
It will never bring you closer to your truth.
It will never paint you an accurate picture of who you are or what you can do.
It will never support your creative genius,
or your intuitive path.
It will never prove to you your worthiness,
or make you a believer that you are lovable.
You will never gain confidence or accurate guidance from the latter.

The only path that you can choose if you desire to have the permission to live the life that your soul keeps calling out for you to have is the path of self-love.

To offer to self what you offer your closest friend or lover.
To offer to self the shoulder,
the emotional support and understanding.

The only thing that any of us can do to have the life that we want for,
that we know is ours to have,
or that we find ourselves searching for,
craving.

Is to allow ourselves the permission to say YES.
Yes to what we know is true.
Yes to what feels right and to learn what is not.
Yes to make mistakes.
Yes to explore and try new things.
Yes to speaking our hearts.
Yes to being scared or getting stuck.
Yes to wanting for more.
Yes to being human,
with all of its imperfections.

This is the only path that any of us can find ourselves and have a successful life that brings us vitality and love to the utmost degree.

This is the path that God desires for us each.
And it is on this path that we find our alignment.

But to walk this path,
you must first say YES to taking the step.

Are you ready?

Your time is now.
Never tomorrow.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Message me for deets on my “Step Up Now – 4 week mastermind” to level up your life during quarantine and come out of this space refreshed, charged and guided.

Photo credit to Photographyinwonderland.

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Vehicular Assault In The Bedroom – Is It Acceptable?

A man is out with his buddies after a long day at the office. They stop into a local pub to have a drink or two and shoot the shit. A few hours go by, they root for the sports team, throw about some “F” bombs, share about the days and the stupid people at work. The man starts to feel tired so decides it’s time to head home to his family.
On his drive home he gets more exhausted and his eyes are heavy. The couple of drinks although they don’t significant impact him are not making things any better right now.
He comes up to an intersection and does not slow down in time, thinking there is not really traffic at this hour and is not overly concerned about running a stop sign in his quiet neighborhood.
Unfortunately, as he roles through the stop sign he hits a pedestrian.
He did not see this person out walking and somehow completely missed their presence on the curb as they stepped off the curb to cross the road.
The man is later charged with vehicular assault. He has his driver’s license taken from him, serves time in jail and pays a hefty fine. He has this mark on his record for some time to come.
Is this right?
Does he deserve to have his whole life tipped upside down over an accident. He was not drunk. He was not speeding. He was not deliberately trying to harm another human.
Yet his life is upside down from this event.
Seriously now, ponder this.
Does he deserve to be punished as the law states?
If he had killed this pedestrian his punishment would have been worse.
Now if you are like most people,
you may say,
“Yes he deserves the punishment.”
–>He was being clumsy and not responsible in his actions.
–>He should have not had as much to drink as he did, stopped sooner, ate some food to offset his alcohol.
–>He should have just gone home in the first place since he was tired.
–>He knew his state of being and should have worked harder at being more present while driving.
–>He knew the streets in his neighborhood well, he knew that the stop sign was there, so he should have stopped.
–> Etc. Etc.
You may also think it brutal that his whole world get’s halted and goes into chaos from the accident, thinking that may be a little harsh BUT, it was ultimately his fault. His mistake and look at what he did to the pedestrian and their life? Can they function fully? Do they need surgery? What came of their life?
Now let’s look at the this same man,
same tail,
He is out to the pub with his buddies, he gets tired and he decides to go home to his loving family. He goes home with no issues. His children greet him on their way to bed, his wife has saved him dinner in the microwave and kisses him hello.
She inquires about his day and he says it was okay, just a bunch of stupid people to deal with as usual.
They settle into watching a TV show and news.
All seems happy and normal.
They go to bed and the man snuggles up behind his wife rubbing her hip and butt a little. He kisses her softly on the neck a couple times. He slips his hand down between her legs from behind to touch her pussy. Tapps it softly with his fingers. Brings his hand back up, spits in his hand and rubs his spit on her vulva that is exposed from this position. He is hard and ready, she is laying on her side holding her breath. She knows what is coming and even though she does not want it, she says nothing. Hoping that maybe he won’t. Maybe he will see that she is not interested.
He rubs the spit around a bit more, grabs his erection and without word sticks it into her. He is on his knees, holding her hip down to hold her on her side. He is forceful, fast and deep in his penetration. He is moaning in pleasure and giving primal earthy groans as he fucks her. She does not move. He continues until he cums.
He lays down behind her, kisses her on the cheek and says,
” I love you. Good night.”
She stays still as he drifts off to sleep and starts to snore.
When he is snoring, she gets up and goes to the bathroom.
His cum is dripping out of her.
She sits to pee.
As she pee’s her vulva and labia burn from the friction of the sex that her body was not ready for.
Her gut hurts from the anxiety and pain of going through this.
And tears stream down her cheeks as she softly sobbs, hoping no one will hear her, hoping that she can just make it through the night and next day.
The morning comes,
the sun rises.
her husband is rested and ready for his work day.
He grabs coffee and breakfast,
kisses the kids and her goodbye,
wishes them all a good day and tells her that he loves her.
She gets the kids ready and out the door for school,
darts to the shower where she washes herself diligently because she feels so filthy and disgusting. She weeps as the whole event and every event before it no matter from her husband or another man plays in her head like some morbid cruel reality show. She gets out of the shower, telling herself its time to put the game face on. She has a family that needs her and work to get done. No time for this pity party and after all he is her husband and he is a man and it just is the way it is. After all, he loves her. He is a good provider, a good father.
She has nothing to want for.
But she wants.
She wants for the pain to go away.
She wants to feel loved, not used.
She wants to not feel the anxiety around going to bed every night or waking up in the morning to the same event.
She wants for him to see that what he is doing is not okay.
That her world internally is upside down and she is slowly falling apart.
–>Her work life is stressful.
–>She cannot stay focused.
–>Her physical body is always sick and hurting.
–>Her hormones are out of balance.
–>She is exhausted physically and emotionally.
–>She is irritable.
–>She cries for what seems like no reason randomly.
–>She has no real interest in life.
–>She appears to be depressed.
–>She gained a bunch of weight.
–>She is drinking more and popping pills to sleep, to wake up, to keep her going and keep her mood somewhat stabilized.
Now I want you to ponder this scenario.
What comes up for you?
Is this acceptable?
Is it okay that her world is upside down and that she is living in this state?
Is it ok that her husband just continues on like this?
I mean after all,
–> He had a tough day at the office.
–> He was tired and most likely just did not realize what he was doing.
–> He had a few drinks so he was not fully aware and did not catch that she was not into it.
–>If she was into it she would have said something or pushed him away, right? So its her fault.
–>He needed the release to help him sleep, to help him destress.
–>Men need sex more than women.
–>Most women are never into it and are none orgasmic unless drunk so this is normal.
–> She just needs to get over it, its not that big of a deal, its just a little sex.
–> He does everything for her, there is no question of his love.
–>Its not like he physically broke her or tried to kill her. He did not hit her with a car.
–> His actions were not on purpose. His intent was not to harm, he thought she was okay with it.
So that makes his actions of flipping her life upside down acceptable?
But if he hits a pedestrian then he should have been more present,
he should have paid more attention and known where he was at and what the dangers were.
He hit a pedestrian and now they cannot function clearly, they are in pain, they are emotionally messed up, their home and work life are in shambles.
So for that yes, he needs to be punished for harming another human even though it was not on purpose.
Really?
I want you today to sit with these tales.
I want you to go deep inside yourself and ask yourself why one is okay and the other is not?
I want you to ask yourself why excuses and lack of understanding and presence should be easily forgiven or not even considered when we speak about raping a partner but it is different for other events?
And then I want you to realize that 74% of married/coupled women go through this weekly or monthly.
And if you are a man who is married or coupled with a woman I want you to examine your choices and get real.
Stop accepting excuses from self and others.
The damage caused from moments like this is not small and most of the time cannot be  repaired fully. This sort of event tears apart the foundations of love and trust.
And if you think differently then you are a fool.
It’s time to wake up men.
It’s time to stop being blind to your haphazard self centered ways and its time to actually love your woman.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
Want to learn more on healing relationships in 2020 and how to uncomplicate your couplehood. Reach out to me for deet’s on my individual and couples coaching available globally.
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Ignorance Is Not Permission

Most men cannot fathom what sex is like for a woman in any possible fashion.
 
The link between the emotional,
the mental and the physical is not something a man typically can understand to the depths of the feminine.
 
It is truly a rare masculine who obtains this sort of awareness and understanding and then adhears to it.
 
Most men are boys in their sexing,
allowing ignorance to rule thier love making and haphazardly moving forward in it.
 
Unfortunately this style of relating to the feminine only ends in the cause of severe trauma to the female and frustration and shut down to both parties.
 
In sexing it is often assumed that sex is just sex.
And it most certainly can be.
That is why one night stands can be fantastic,
we can walk into a sexual encounter,
being open, playful and wanting to simply have fun and a good orgasm. Typically both parties are very present in these moments and the ego nature of us humans being have us wanting to show what we can do, so we make sure to leave a promising memory with this person to that we feel proud about when they look back at this memory they will still carry a “Wow, that lover was great!” vibe.
 
Unfortunately we don’t bring this same sort of concept into our long term relationships.
 
Here we focus more on what commitment means to us and how we can best get our needs met over all.
Accepting mediocre connection time, intimacy and sex until it wears one or both parties out and empties the relationship of all the glue that was holding it together.
 
The allowance of mediocre sexing and intimacy in our relationships is the succumbing to hopelessness and thus the enabling of blind trauma to occur.
 
How is this possible if both parties seemingly agree to have the mediocre sexing though?
 
A few things are happening:
 
1) Most women do not know how to ask for what they need in sex and have ton’s of shame wrapped up around sex in general, believing that it is mostly for the man and his pleasure as well as a frustration to their own pleasure because it “takes too long” for her to achieve any result.
 
2) Most women will test their men, as the feminine does to see how present the man is and how much he really wants to give to her or how much she means to him so will not communicate what is needed because she wants and needs his penatrative inquiry.
 
3) If a woman has shared her needs and desires with a man, she is now looking for him to make the appropraite calibration and show that he was being present with her in his listening and has a desire to please her.
 
4) If mediocre sexing continues typically a woman will just give up. In her giving up she shuts down her sex even more as well as her heart to her man. Her trust in him has been so far breached from his haphazord pushing forward and ignorant resisance to listening and applying what has been shared that she knows now that he is untrustworthy of holding her heart and love. So even though she may remain with him physically he slowly and often quiet quickly looses her heart forever.
 
5) Men focus on the number of thrusts and the speed they can move in sexing, thinking that changing position every 3 minutes is an ideal, when in fact a woman needs her lover to slow down, focus in on certain spots with attention and care not force and speed. If men were to treat a womans whole body as a sexual organ then he would be able to bring her attention to openning up sexually and ignite her sexual juices
 
6) Men typically get focused on the genitals, especailly their genitals and forget all about the females body. Ignoring what the body reactions are and even block out what the woman is saying during sex whether with her voice or with her hands and body language. This is where he becomes blind to her requests to stay in one place, to keep that rhythm, to give more or less. In the ignoring of what her body and voice are asking for he often without realization ends up either hurting her phsyically or leaving her hanging on the brink of orgasm with no release causing female blue balls and over a time frame sexual shut down which leads to emotional distancing and hormone disturbance.
 
7) Women often tell their man that they would never say no to him sexually. On the front side of a relationship this is stated in playfulness and is meant full heartedly. But the woman is also most likely getting fed orgasm by her man as well. Once the tides turn and she is no longer being cared for sexually, she may adhear to this statement but every time a man assumes that it is okay to just push for sex in this way he is causing physical/emotional and mental trauma to his female partner.
 
8) If your woman is not having real orgasms, not just a few clitorial ones, but real deep G-spot or cervical orgasms blended with the clitorial ones then it is pretty simple to assume that at some point she will start to feel like a masturbation tool for you, and that she does not matter to you as a person or as your woman. Every sexual encounter will turn into a rape trauma for her no matter how great it felt for you as the man. The more this happens, the deeper she will burry herself from you to protect her heart. No amount of flowers, trips, gifts or sweet “I love you’s and you are world to me.” will matter, because the evidence of how much she really matters shows between the sheets in your sexing.
 
So what is the solution?
How can Mr. Fix It – fix it?
 
Listen to your woman.
–>Inquire with the questions that your ego is scared to ask.
 
–>Don’t accept the answer,
“I am fine, we are fine/good.” – “Our sex is good.”
If you think your woman is having an orgasm in sex, question what orgasm really is and what it looks and feels like when you are with her.
 
–>Read my article – 90 Days Without Orgasm https://www.tantrictransformation.com/90-days-of-no-orgasm-say-what/
and pay attention to the list of 29 things that happen to women when they don’t have reeal orgasm in their life, if your woman has these things or just some of them, do the reeality check with yourself as to what the truth is no matter what she says to save your delicate ego, ( because yes, all of us women believe that men cannot handle the truth in this department and that if we tell them the truth then love will be retracted from us or that our man will become distant or anger, guilt or shame us and that its just better an easier if we go along without sharing the truth.)
 
–> Slow down in the bedroom.
–> Make love to her vulva and breasts first.
–> Always, always, always get permission for sex!
–> Make sure she cums first and if possible multiple times.
–> Be present with her whole body not just what face she is making, her face can lie to you.
–> Listen to her requests and do as directed.
–> Don’t make everything about the sex. You woman needs communication, connection and your time and presence outside of sexing as well.
–> Check your ego FREQUENTLY.
–> Stop accepting average and ordinary sexing in your life and relationship.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Want to learn more about female sexuality and how to achieve deep connective states of being with a woman? Want to learn the secrets of superiour love making and relating? Reach out to me for individual or couples coaching now. It is a perfect time to save your relationship and reignite the passion. I work with people globally.
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Are You Hiding From The Truth In Your Relationship?

Retraction.
The holding of the breath.
The gripping of one’s fist.
Fidgetting.
 
What we expereince when something is shared that we don’t want to hear.
 
It can be hard to hear our partner speak about what they are feeling. How they are thinking. Or the challenges that they are having in the relationship.
 
It can be terrifying at times and make us question if the relationship will survive.
It can make us feel weak,
defeated, not enough, lost even.
 
When our partner throws a verbal dagger at us,
whether they know it or not,
it hurts.
 
And we find ourselves tossed between gratitude for finding out and a desire to not know any more.
To just make it go away.
 
The gratitude is our soul telling us that this is what is needed,
if our partner had not openned up and shared then that would mean that the relationship was already dead and it was just a matter of time till we discover its corpse.
 
This is what happens frequently however,
so often couples carry on and one partner is blind and deaf to the truth of what state the relationship is in, until it is too late and then they scratch their head in confussion of , “How is this possible, I thought everything was good?”
 
If we lean into the desire to make this pain go away and to not hear it anymore,
we may find ourselves retracting our love to our partner.
We may find ourselves just simply disregaurding what they are sharing and moving along as though it never happened.
Hoping that if we don’t talk about it or give it attention that it will change on its own.
 
This is detrimental to the releationship, however.
Making excuses up as to why you cannot focus on this right now, saying that this is the wrong tme to bring it up, saying that its all in our partners head or that thats not true, are all statements sharing that you do not value your partners feelings, thoughts or heart and that you are more caught up on the gut punch and how bad it was of them to make you feel this or to ask for something.
 
This is also detrimental to the realtionship.
 
The ONLY path to choose in this instance “IF” you desire to keep the relationship that you have and to make it strong and happy again is to PAUSE and listen without denial, without hiding, without excuses or fighting.
 
This is what is referred to as
“holding space.”
 
Coaches and therapist’s do this all the time for their clients.
The answers are often formed through the venting,
the sharing, the allowance of the feeling.
 
As a couple, if you desire to take some bad news shared and turn it into gold, then this is the sapce to start in.
 
If you close the door to the communication,
if you get angered or bitter about the sharing,
if you go into attack mode,
or allow your fear to control,
then you will find yourself pushing your partner further away.
 
Communication is the key to holding a relationship together.
Communication is the key to healing a relationship.
Commincation is the key to building trust, intimacy and love.
 
But communicating means listening without judgement or a need to be right or change what someone else is feeling or thinking.
 
Comminucation also means presenting a safe space where your partner feels permission and safety in speaking what they need and that their words will be heard and acknowledged.
 
Commincation means sharing your truth.
Sharing what you are feeling, fearing, troubled with, needing, not liking, liking, loving.
 
If you want a turned on, empowered relationship then you have to move away from surface level relating.
You must be willing to hear it all and hold that space for self and your partner.
 
You must be willing to offer what is going on with you and INQUIRE about what your partner is expereincing,
 
Most relationships today do not do this.
They believe that they do,
but they don’t.
 
Most relationships accept the answer of,
“I am good. I am fine. We are good.”
 
The simple truth is that relationship requires work, time, energy, truth, compassion,communicating, stepping back from a need to be right.
 
If you don’t take the time right now to share with your partner or to hold space for your partner to share and actually listen to what they are sharing, understanding that every share is valuable, then what you will discover is that your relationship will end.
 
If you claim that you love your partner.
Claim that you love your relationship.
Claim that it is the most important thing to you.
That it and them matter.
 
Then let it be witnessed through your actions of taking the time and making it priority.
 
Without shame.
Without guilt.
Without anger.
Without retraction.
Without accusations.
 
But with LOVE.
 
If you think you don’t have time to do this,
then I promise you that you will find a time that it will not longer beasking for your time.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for 1:1 couples and individual coaching availble world wide and/or group coaching focused on this and more.
Posted on

Today Give Yourself Permission to Fall In Love.

Giving myself permission to fall in love while in isolation.

Such a beautiful opportunity to come back to self.

To come back to what matters most in this life

and to fully embrace all that I have not yet allowed to manifest.

Can you do the same?

Imagine a world that took this time of solitude,

this time of silence,

this time of moving slower and not rushing here and there,

as an opportunity to fall in love.

To fall in love with SELF first.

To fall in love with all your own little quirks and those things you find fault in.

To fall in love with the things that you find challenging.

To fall in love with your DESIRES.

To fall in love with your hopes and your dreams.

Imagine if you sat with all the things that you think about and made a plan as to what steps you needed to take to open the doorway to you creating the life that you want.

Imagine if you did not JUST THINK about the steps but actually took action on all the ones that you could RIGHT NOW.

Imagine if you looked at the person that you “wish” you could be and that you know that you must become in order to have this life you desire and started to implement just three to five things into your daily practice that would support you fully stepping into this person who calls in those dreams and desires with ease.

Imagine if you took this time to reconnect to YOU.

To step away from the habits that you use to buffer yourself from feeling your truth.

Imagine if you looked past the things that you use to not feel and instead give yourself permission to feel your emotions, all of them.

Imagine if you allowed yourself to do some deep dive inquiry work with yourself to learn who you are right now and what your interests are without the expectations, needs or desires of others.

Imagine if you took some time today and each day to appreciate your body for supporting you the way that it does.

Imagine if you took time each day to connect to the people that you claim matter most to you.

Imagine if you slowed down even more,

and took time without any noise to really appreciate the sky.

The tree’s. The breeze. The sunshine. Nature.

Imagine if you took this time to learn something new.

Imagine if you took this moment that God is offering you and instead of focusing on the fear that the world is stuck in,

YOU…

YES YOU…

Realize your power.

Imagine what your life today could be like.

What your tomorrow would feel and look like.

Imagine with me now, a world of individuals doing just this.

Participating in a mass healing of consciousness.

A mass healing of embodiment.

A mass healing of self-love and appreciation.

A mass healing of community.

Because a better you,

is a better us,

is a better world.

But in order for this to be a real thing,

we each must do our part.

We must stop giving it only lip service and instead take action.

We must move forward with clarity in self.

This is how we turn the chaos into beauty.

Into peace.

But you must do your part, love.

You must know your worth,

know your value to today and to this world.

Knowing that in your actions,

your thoughts,

your embodiment,

you let your light be shown,

and with each light that ignites the darkness will be replaced with radiance.

We are a chosen people.

We are a people blessed by the hands of the creator.

We are a people that walk in the footsteps of greatness.

And how we progress forward is based on the choices that we each make.

SO if you think you have no power or say in the days and events to come,

THINK AGAIN.

You are the power.

You are the choice.

So live today in Self-Love and Awareness.

Dare to do something unique.

Dare to embody the self.

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.

Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.

Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

Photo credit to Photographyinwonderland.

Posted on

Laughter, Crisis and How To Move Forward.

Laughter is like a windshield wiper,
it doesn’t stop the rain but it allows us to go on.
 
In times like these it is vitally important to the well-being of your mental, emotional and physical health as well as the world’s energy to find joy and laughter in each day.
 
I cannot stress enough that THIS is how we heal this crisis situation.
 
Through finding the blessing in the cloud that is raining on our earth today.
 
THIS is how we move forward.
And we only ever have today to live,
so why make it a day that is fearful?
Why not focus on beauty?
Why not focus on connection?
Why not focus on your dreams and goals?
 
You can have your best life TODAY.
 
But you must look for it.
You must allow it.
You must give yourself permission to feel it.
 
I don’t know about you,
but it has been a rough few weeks.
It has been trying,
and hard to not get caught up in all the fear.
It is so easy to loose sight of hope when the storm clouds just will not go away.
 
But sadly if we focus on the storm and the floods that it is creating with fear,
then we never will be able to see the opportunities that are being presented by them.
 
And I promise you this….
There is ALWAYS an opportunity in the storm.
 
In order to find hope again,
we must first recognize where we have turned our attention.
And then guide our thoughts toward those that serve our best outcome instead of feeding our fear.
 
By applying our attention like this we open up the flood gates to creative thinking,
which allows us OPPORTUNITY to find solutions.
 
Much like the rain on our windshiled,
we cannot see the road before us or the turns that we must make if we get caught on the rain drops.
 
The rain drops that encompass our path today,
are our thoughts.
 
And these thoughts dictate our feelings,
and send us down the rabbit holes that we choose.
 
To clear that path,
to clear the fear,
the limiting thoughts and the seperation from our truth,
we must break the chaos with joy.
 
The little moments.
If we each take this time of isolation as an opportunity to reconnect to who we each are,
what really matters to us,
and become more present in our lives and bodies,
in our relationships and ideas,
then we WILL come out of this storm,
our fires will not be put out but instead we will be purged of all that does not serve us any longer and moved forward on our path as individuals and as a world society.
 
The stillness and silence that so many are fearful of is a beautiful mediative space to go within,
the slower life is an opportunity to do the things that you have put off,
to do self-improvement work,
to change habits to ones that support the life that you want.
A time to catch up on things that you have not had an opportunity for,
and to set goals for the back half of the year and for the next five years.
 
The slower lifestyle,
the “forced” staying at home and being with family is an opportunity to build strong family relationships,
to actually get to know those that you are sharing your world with,
and to take a moment to share with them.
 
The isolation that we have in current is a great opportunity to see what matteres most and start to focus more on just that.
The seemingly simple little things are actually the BIG things.
 
Smiling at a stranger,
making eye contact and allowing yourself to feel your heart,
Playing with your child.
Holding hands with your lover.
Laughing.
Breathing in the cool air on a sunny day.
Family dinners.
and so much more.
 
Today I encourage you to focus on the life that you want.
To bring your thoughts into alignment with what you desire instead of what you fear.
 
And remember that TODAY is all you ever have,
so why not make it the day that you want.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grwon A*s Believers”
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.
 
Posted on

Beauty in COVID-19.

There is great beauty in awareness.
There is gratitude if you have knowledge.
There is compassion if one let’s themself become educated.
There is hope if we pull together and allow TRUTH be shown without FEAR.
 
 
The question truly falls if we the people of planet earth are willing to do these things though.
 
The beautiful thing about the COVID-19 outbreak is that it is pulling us together as a world society.
 
It is showing our most brilliant aspects but it is also revealing our darkness.
 
And at the end of this plaugue we will be witness to our TRUTH.
 
Now what that truth is,
we currently do not know.
It will only come about when we reach the end of the swing of this pendulum,
and see if the masses focused on FEAR and destruction or if there were enough who chose to focus on love, gratitude, community, healing, courage, passion for life, and pulling back the curtains of the ego.
 
It is being said that we are at the end of days.
It is being said that it is all according to prophecy.
It is being said that it is a conspiracy of leaders to take over the world once and for all and enslave all of humanity.
It is being said that mother nature has had it with us.
It is being said….
and what over and over agian is stated is fear mongering.
The focus and attention to fear,
the belittlement of our greatness,
your greatness.
The threatening of your lives, your well-being, your everything.
And it is so focused upon by ALL,
that if we are not cautious then it will be for certain for many that this will become a tragic world event.
 
As I type this very musing to you,
our child abuse rates are increasing due to this panademic.
Our domestic violence rates are increasing and between these two alone,
our murder tolls are going up.
Suicide is on the rise.
And this is just the start.
 
Not to be a Debbie Downer right now,
but awareness and education show’s these facts.
 
In the face of this horrible panademic,
we are loosing countless thousands more because of our focus on FEAR.
 
It is education that we need.
Not fear.
Fear has never been a good solution.
It has never supported healing or growth.
Fear does not move you through a challenge.
It causes one to flee, hide or fight.
Which is what we are seeing.
 
Abuse increase.
Crime increase.
Alcohol and drug usage increase.
And we are not applying any attention to it.
 
Right now we have an opportunity.
As we sit in our states of isolation,
we have an opportunity to grow ourselves.
To ask the questions of our leaders, our selves and our communities that matter.
We have an opportunity to look at what has not been working,
and explore what could.
 
The answer is certainly not to crash the economy.
Causing our childrens children to suffer from this panademic 100 years from now.
The answer is to not shut down the world and our existance the way we know it, and instill fear into each and every soul, ‘creating a greater seperation.
No, seperration only results in all the above negativity.
The solution….
is AWARENESS.
EDUCATION.
FACTS.
Looking at ALL evidence, not just what media chooses to share.
Really looking at the numbers.
All of them, not just the death numbers.
Remember that statistics can be whatever you want them.
A person who wants to be aware, looks for ALL the facts.
This means,
age.
other issues/disease.
What the COVID-19 virus is really doing in our world – its natural swing,
remember that with all things you can only go so far up in numbers before there is a drastic decline.
Have you looked at this?
Whats the real percentage of people who even get COVID-19?
Have you gone to CDC.com or Worldometers.info and explored? (ALL the numbers)
 
If you claim to say that you are concerned for your health,
the worlds state,
the economy,
THEN DO YOUR PART and get educated outside of media.
 
We don’t have to agree.
We can have vastly different views,
thats awesome actually.
But if you are just blindly listening to media and what is being fed to you,
then know that you don’t have education or awareness on your side.
You are allowing yourself to be brainwashed.
 
And my point is two fold:
1) If you are going to be brainwashed at least CHOOSE what you are ingesting.
2) Fear NEVER fixed anything. And what we have on us right now is a FOCUS on FEAR with this crazy idea that it will be some part of the solution.
 
Its time we focus on something better then FEAR if we are to save our world and create a safe and prosperous planet for our youth.
 
And it is time to find beauty again in the lesson that we are being given from God and Mother Nature.
 
It is not a lesson to seperate and hide from the truth, to toss our hands up and let someone else deal with the solution and pray that they have our best at heart…
 
No.
 
It is a lesson to find gratitude for the life that you were given,
the planet that you were born on,
the world family of humans that ARE smart and creative,
who when they desire to truly come together and find a healthy path,
 
CAN.
 
I for one believe in humanity.
I believe in TRUTH.
I believe in shining a light in the darkest of days.
 
Are you willing to become aware enough to have an actual educated opinion?
 
Or will you continue to ignore and be a victim to this day?
 
Sending you all my love sweet reader,
with many prayers of gratitude for you and this world.
 
Let your light shine.
And as always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grwon A*s Believers”
 
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
 
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
 
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.
Posted on

In Casting A Stone You Better Have No Ego.

I feel sick and I am afraid to show it.

 

Afraid to speak about needing help.

Afraid to go outside of my home and sneeze.

To cough.

To have my allergies.

 

Yes right now is a strange time,

is it not?

 

It is a time where more people are concerned for their health than ever before.

Shiz we don’t panic like this about getting in our cars and driving some place yet so far in 2020 alone there have been 288,502 automotive deaths in the world.

 

We don’t stop consuming all the toxins that we know cause cancer do we?

No matter a fact there was a run on the grocery stores for just these items…lol

and yet just so far in 2020 there have been 1,755,279 deaths from cancer.

 

We don’t run and grab knives out of everyone’s hands that are holding one, or freak out about everyone who is having a bad day and look at them paranoid like they are going to do something even though there have been 229,184 suicides so far in 2020.

 

And yeah, we stay clear of those who we know have the flu…

and no one wants the flu. – Self included.

 

But we don’t look at small children in the grocery store who cough or sneeze like they will kill us with their natural human functions, even though there have already been 103,869 deaths from the flu in 2020.

 

No, we do not feel ashamed of these things.

We just carry on and even inquire if someone needs some tea or groceries bought.

We do not have a run on toilet paper over flu season.

And we do not shun the old and young because of a cold.

 

But, TODAY….

Today on planet earth we shame for illness.

We shame for age.

We shame for sneezing and coughing and wheezing.

We shame for watery eyes and clearing the throat.

We look at our friends and neighbors like they have a gun in their hand for offering a hug or a hand up a step.

 

No…

No…

I got this.

I don’t need “you” to touch me.

 

Yes my fine fellow humans, ‘we are forgetting our humanness.

We may preach that we love our neighbors,

that we want to help the poor, the old, the ill,

but when it comes down to it…

our animal natures,

our instincts to cast out what we perceive as weak or dangerous offsets it all.

And we SHAME.

 

This Is how we humans deal with that, that we are not comfortable with.

With that, that we do not understand.

We shame those who have it,

or we assume may.

 

Forgetting that assumption is often wrong.

Not allowing any logic to lead.

And certainly not allowing our hearts a voice.

For all we hear is the screaming of FEAR.

 

We are being given an opportunity to grow in this chaos,

we are being given a chance to support and build a world community, where boraders and skin color, religion or sex do not matter.

We are being provided a beautiful opportunity to heal ourselves,

from the inside out.

To change our thinking.

To change how we perceive one another.

To come into alignment with our hearts,

and to show compassion for self and neighbor alike.

 

And my sweet reader,

I fear we are failing.

I fear that we are allowing our ego’s to rule and thus not evolving,

but instead stepping backward in fear.

 

There are places around this world,

where windows are open. You can hear the laughter of families and children playing.

You can hear people singing.

And they are places where the heart still remains.

Even though touch and community are limited,

they have found ways to still connect.

They have found ways to de-armour thier fear and transform it to love.

 

But these places are few and far between.

And if you live in one such as this I speak,

then count your blessings dear reader and send love into this world,

for many other countries are not as such.

For this world to heal,

to find is harmony again,

and for this dark spring to turn to summer once again,

we all must focus on what matters most.

 

We all must inquire how we are impacting the outcome.

Do we speak and act from fear?

Or do we act from compassion and love?

If it were you that were sick or having the stones of shame cast toward you, how would you feel?

 

I end this musing today,

with words to remember,

“Let those among you without sin, cast the first stone.”

 

None of us are without ego.

And none of us have a right to assume.

But we all make our judgements and in doing so,

we create a great separation from truth and ourselves.

We hinder this world and we blind ourselves to love.

 

 

Put down your stone in exchange for a smile.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.

 

Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.

Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.

Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

Photo Credit to Photographyinwonderland.