TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

We Are Meant To Live In The Magnitude of Awe-ness…

Travel, its something I love.
And if you follow me then you already know this.
But you may not know why I adore travel so much.
 
I love travel because of the growth it gives me.
Travel expands my thinking,
my understanding of self,
of others,
of life.
 
Travel opens me up to knew ways of viewing the world.
My world and the world around me.
 
Travel is healing to the soul.
 
Last night we were laying out under the stars on the beach here in Riviera Maya,
little crabs crawling across the sand,
the waters sloshing up against the shore line,
and a sky so full of stars.
We laid there in silence for some time,
just witnessing the magistracy of the sky.
So vast.
So impressive.
Every now and then a shooting star would stream across,
and my inner child would make her wish.
 
There we lay with the breeze of the warm summer night against our bodies.
 
So small against the immense sky above,
and yet I felt powerful.
There I laid feeling the magnitude of the creator moving through me in that moment.
 
And I was in Awe.
 
That is why I love to travel.
 
This morning we were up and back to the beach,
snorkeling gear in hand and off to the small coves that lined the shore.
 
Out into the turquoise waters we swam,
following colorful fish of all sizes,
and then upon the reef line we floated,
just watching the wonders below.
Again, the magnitude of this space.
A whole world around us.
Immense, powerful and full of life.
As the waves crashed upon my back every so often,
as I swam across the reef,
watching the sea creatures,
the fish flock and flurry,
I felt so small,
so unimportant.
 
And yet I was deeply aware of the power I was holding inside myself.
I could again feel the magnitude of all of life,
of the creator move through me.
Wash around me,
and make itself known.
 
And I was in Awe.
 
That is why I love to travel.
 
No matter where I have traveled in our beautiful world,
I found a people to love.
I have found beauty in their smile’s,
in the meeting of another’s eye.
I have found compassion in the witnessing of life somewhere foreign.
I have found peace and joy in bonds that make us all human.
I have seen so many a beautiful people,
embrace me as I travel,
and I am in gratitude for them and for these experiences.
 
And I feel small,
unimportant,
I feel like how could I ever make any ripple worth anything.
And then the words of a stranger come upon me,
and I smile.
I feel the message of God.
The message that we are all human.
We are all family.
And just my witnessing and embracing of this,
is a ripple.
The connection experienced with this people,
with just this one soul,
it changes us.
It expands us.
And we grow.
 
I feel the love of the creator move through me in moments like this.
I feel the compassion,
the adoration and gratitude.
I feel the bonds of being human.
And I smile.
 
I am in Awe.
 
This is why I love travel.
 
In the arms of my lover I smile,
laughing and enjoying the moments.
Allowing the energy of life to move about us.
Yes, here too is a reason to love travel.
For all the magnitude of this world,
of the skies and seas,
for all the diversity of its people,
here too,
just between him and I is a world to be discovered.
And in moments such as these,
as we travel,
we reveal knew aspects of ourselves.
We drop our guards just a bit,
we allow a softening of our hearts,
and opening of the connection.
And here with no one else to interfere,
we explore.
 
We travel perhaps not to some strange land,
but still we explore.
The land that resides within each of us.
The land here that is revealed.
 
Laughter.
Connection.
Conversation.
Touching.
and
Experiencing this world.
 
And as our eye’s meet,
as a smile crosses each of our lips,
we too are forever changed because of this moment.
Because of this travel.
Expanded.
 
And I am in Awe.
 
So many people say no to travel.
They refuse to venture out into the world,
they keep themselves closed to the adventure known as life.
They keep them shut away from the people of this earth,
out of fear they remain hidden,
and in their fear of the adventure,
of the people,
they also show the fear in their hearts.
They choose to remain closed.
They choose to remain small.
Never feeling the true magnitude of this life.
The true bounty of this earth or the vastness of God.
 
This life was meant for the taking.
The taking of the adventure.
the communion of the people.
This life was meant for the Awe.
 
And here,
here is where you will discover just how powerful you really are,
but first you must want for it.
First you must crave the Awe.
The power.
It is there.
In your heart,
in your soul,
in the people of this earth.
 
Dare to travel and you will see.
You will meet the creator in every step of your journey.
And you will be in Awe.
 
As yourself,
“If not now, when?”
 
Life is too short to stall.
 
As Always,
“Stop Existing & Start Living”
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
 
Expand your life,
expand your thinking.
Expand your heart.
 
As you open you grow.
And here is where you meet your power,
and your joy.
 
Take my hand and let’s go.
Explore 1:1 Coaching with me from anywhere in the world.
Message me for deet’s on how to level up your life adventure TODAY.

MY INTIMACY SHARE ON CURRENT FAMILY LIFE BLESSINGS – FROM A MOTHERS HEART- WHAT I HAVE LEARNED

MY INTIMACY SHARE ON CURRENT FAMILY LIFE BLESSINGS- FROM A MOTHERS HEART – WHAT I HAVE LEARNED

Feeling in love this morning as I get ready for the day and the next two weeks of adventure. I am in gratitude for the lessons and experiences of my past,

as without them I would not appreciate that which is with me today in my relationships, lifestyle, and being. It is so obvious to me how easy it is to take things for granted until we are faced with the not having them and sometimes we have to go through great suffering to appreciate that which our heart desires.

The simple little things mean so much.
It’s the smile from your child when they see you walk in the door.
It’s the warm embrace from your partner for no reason.
It’s the kind acts of service, no matter how small that show such care.
It’s the time taken for a conversation without attention to some device.
It’s the snuggling before bed or the good morning kiss.

When Levi makes me breakfast unexpectedly my heart smiles and I feel so blessed.

Every day when Zach chooses to stop in and chat with me before going home, I feel blessed.

When Sam comes and shares her awe over Dameion’s newest milestones or just sits and has a beautiful deep conversation with me about women-hood, I feel blessed.

When Rebekah comes in and shares her latest mommy experience or challenge, or when she just walks up to me and gives me a big hug and say, “I love you., ” I feel blessed.

When Jules asks to go out with me for whatever reason but I can tell she actually needs to just have a moment with mom to share something happening and is uncertain how else to ask for it, I feel blessed.

When Zak Miller, rounds the corner in my house and walks over to me and gives me a big hug before anything else or sits and talks from his beautiful heart, I feel blessed.

When Eniqueo and I tease each other and we laugh, or we compete in love over a good game of darts, I feel blessed.

When Gabe, wakes up in the morning and snuggles next to me and says, “I want you to be my snuggle buddy.” or rushes to help me do something without being asked, I feel blessed.

When Rowan grabs me and hugs so tight I can barely breathe and claims me all for himself, ” My mommy!” or takes my hand and asks me to read him a story and snuggle, I feel blessed.

When Kia, Andrew and J storm in my home and run to me with smiles and big hugs, I feel blessed.

When Dameion looks with his big eye’s up at me while I am feeding him his bottle and smiles while slurping back his milk, I feel blessed.

When Steve stops everything he is doing because he noticed that something was not right with me without me saying anything and gives me a hug or when he does all the little things that are actually big things to take things off my table, I feel blessed.

When I catch that mental snapshot of a moment that is awe inspiring of my family connecting and loving, laughing and being them, I feel blessed.

My life is so crazy busy.
My life has so many beautiful souls,
these that I shared a fragment of what I am blessed by and so many other dear friends and sister/brother souls who just light up my world with them just being in it and choosing to share pieces of their life with me.

It is mornings like this morning,
that I am reminded that life has not always been like this.
Life has always been full,
and there is always drama.
But not that very long ago,
my children wanted to be around me but the energy in our home was not supportive.
The laughter and joy,
the deep connective moments,
the conversations,
the family enviroment,
the thought to another,
the connection between myself and my partner,
the love that I so badly wanted to feel,
it was not there.

It was vacant.
And my heart hurt because of it.
My children suffered for the lack of it.
And my lesson is to never settle for so little of such a valuable thing again.

One of the biggest blessing that our lives can have is the blessing of connection.

The blessing that people,
the people that we cherish want to be with us,
JUST BECAUSE.

From my blessed mama heart to yours,
appreciate your blessings and put your focus on them.
They are what make life so beautiful.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Been thinking about your happiness and success?
Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
Let’s Make it happen beautiful in work, love and life.
Accepting 1:1 applications to work with me for a limited time. 

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

Today is a really interesting day for me.
It marks my one year of one of the most traumatic events I have had happen in a relationship so far. It also marks my one year of a massive transformation period, new growth and opportunity blended with trauma and needed healing.

Today I sit here at Starbucks after dropping my youngest son off to his father ( the man I fell out of relationship a year ago today).
It was brutal to drop him off today.
My heart actually still hurts from this mornings exchange.

Our son age four, ran to the back seat of my car as we pulled into daddy’s driveway and he screamed, “I don’t want to go to daddy’s house.” he got so frustrated, clung to the rear seat with all the force his little body could muster and screamed, “No Mommy.”

I grabbed him up, hugged him. Told him that I loved him and that I would see him later today and then he would be back at mommy’s house on Wednesday. He clung to my neck and fought profusely to hold on to me as his father took him out of my arms.

I never wanted any of this for my baby.
I don’t believe that any of us parents ever want this sort of emotional pain on our children. I don’t believe that my ex desires this trauma to come up on our son either.
And yet it still falls here.

Today, I find myself sitting here upset at my son’s pain.
Wishing I could do more for him.
Wishing that us adults who have brought this on him could have communicated better about what we wanted from each other and how we wanted out of our relationship before it came to violence as it did and a nasty, terrorizing breakup that will last a life time for our children emotionally not to mention the physical repercussions that are still being dealt with for myself.

I sit here still wondering how I could not have realized more so as to where my ex was at.
Wondering why he had to act out in violence and rage the way he did one year ago today.
Why it was so important for him to push me and all the children away with such extreme measures.
Why could he just not simply say that he wanted out and we move onto separate paths in peace and harmony, working together for the greatest good of all the children and each other.

I knew he was unhappy in our relationship.
I knew he wanted out.
He did not even desire to want to spend 30 minutes a week with me alone even though this had become a consistent request and desire of mine. He could not stomach to sit by me and watch TV, he wanted nothing to do with cuddling or sex that was two sided, only wanted to get off and be done. Would roll away in disgust after pushing me away like trash after he had reached climax.
He became rageful with friends and emotionally and physically aggressive toward his step-children. He was hateful and I told myself that he was stressed about work, money, health, anything but the truth was what I proclaimed.

The signs were there.
They were in front of my blind eyes and desire to make it all work for us.
The more committed I became to our relationship and requested time and connection,
the more he pushed away in anger.

And now,
a year later I see the truth.
I see his pattern that he had to enforce.
I see the pain that he must be in.
And I am grateful that even though that was a brutal time and experience,
even though there is still much healing that needs done for self and children.

I am grateful that I never lost who I was,
I never lost love,
I never lost my family or friends,
and I can do the healing and I understand at a deep level the power of emotions,
the importance of knowing self and NOT hiding from myself and feelings.
I am grateful that I was given a powerful opportunity last year to stand up and be 100% me.
The last year has offered me so many blessings that would have never come about had he not caved to his patterns and needs to push love away, to push so hard that he was the one to be abandoned in the experience by everyone. To repeat the trauma from his youth. And to create an experience that supported his belief that the feminine always leaves him.

I see now how he had to push that hard.
I am too stubborn to leave when I still love.
I believed it could be fixed,
I believed that he was not lying when he said that he loved me more than anyone else.
I strangely believed in us and in him.

But today,
today I stand in gratitude for the 7 years of learning,
of experience and growth,
for the birth of my two youngest angels that i would not trade for anything.

Today I stand here in gratitude for his push.
Busted up body and everything,
it was worth it.
Because I found my true strength.
I found my heart.
My SOUL.
And tapped into allowing myself, to be me without needing another.
There is great beauty in the darkest of clouds if you allow yourself to see it and you allow time to step you back far enough to see the whole sky and it’s beauty.

Life is one BIG TRUST EXERCISE.
And today,
I am reminded of the trust and faith that I had to muster up at one of my lowest, scariest points in life so far.
Today, I choose to focus on that reminder.
To focus on the gratitude and the opportunities that have come from this event, like any event in our lives.
Today I choose to look at my blessed life.
The steady massive love that I experience from family, friends and the wonderful man I have in my life currently.
The AMAZING tribe that I have developed and all the growth that I am seeing in my business and life.
The wealth of connection, joy and the laughter that resides in my home daily that was not there a year ago or before.
My creativity at an all time high.
The beauty and bounty that is in each step on this journey.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to the man that tossed me to the side last year, who tried to destroy me and all that we had built together.
From that rubble grew a rose garden.

MY ROSE GARDEN.

Thank you for my pain.
Thank you for my suffering.
Thank you for the trauma.
Thank you for the goodbye.
I am so effing happy with my life TODAY!

My question to you that I share this with today is,
what are you doing with your trauma, drama and pain? Does it hold you back or build you up?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.

I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.

But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.

Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.

Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.

What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?

You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

This is WHY I love my haters, nahsayers and skeptics that choose to follow….

 

This is WHY I love my haters, nahsayers and skeptics….

I just want to say that I love you!
I truly do.
Without those of you who live for the fight,
for the ego, for the anger and the sadness,
there would be no mission to bring light and love into this world.
Without all of you who are super critical,
who find more value and worth in trying to be right then focusing on beauty and truth.
For all of you who feel the need to judge, criticize, make fun of, and attempt to squash,
there would be limited exploration into self,
into deeper awareness and understanding.
Without you who adore darkness and hatred,
who live for the putrid thoughts and ill feelings,
there would not be contrast,
showing what love is and what love is not.
Revealing what walking on the path of soul is and what it is not.
For those who speak of their belief,
their faith and their loyalty,
to something greater and grander,
how they live the words of masters of our past,
yet weld the words of inner demons and sadness.
This void that you choose to bless the rest with,
is a blessing sweet soul.

It is a blessing,
and for this I love you.
I love you,
my haters,
my nahsayers,
the skeptics that choose to follow,
to criticize,
to condemn,
and cast stones that are not yours to cast.

I love you for showing the path that hatred and self-contempt can take any of us down,
for sharing the void that you must feel,
the lostness that eats at your soul.
I hear your pain sweet one.
I see your pleas,
your anger,
your fear.
Your desire to be recognized,
to feel some sort of worth.
If even from a negative source.
Much like a small child,
who acts out to receive attention,
you too act out to be seen.

I tell you here,
I tell you from my heart and my soul,
although you may not want to believe,
to hear or to receive.
I tell you now,
I LOVE YOU.
You are worthy.
You are beautiful.
You are deserving of happiness and abundance.
No matter how lost,
or sad or traumatized you may be.
YOU are worthy.

One day your soul will speak,
and you will choose a different path.
You will choose to hear the words,
the words of your worth.
You will realize that in order to fill that void,
that gaping hole that resides inside of you,
you will have to lean away from hatred,
away from judgement,
away from the casting of the stones.
You will have to embrace that we are all part of the same race.
We are HUMAN.
And we have our misguiding’s.
Our ego catches the best of us,
but still God wants for nothing more,
then EVERYONE of us to LOVE life.
To love thy neighbor as thy self.
To know that none walk without sin.
To know that we are loved.
To know that we are worthy.

And to OWN the very truth that LOVE,
Love is the answer.

This is why I love my haters, my nahsayers and the skeptics that choose to follow me.
That choose to condemn.
That choose to hate as they preach.
I love you sweet haters.
Thank you for supporting my mission.
Thank you for supporting my soul work.
Thank you for the opportunities to share,
my heart,
my soul,
and from this authentic space,
that as I sit in stillness,
and listen to the calling.
I know….
I know who I am .
I know how important it is…
to STAND firmly,
to speak in love,
to clarify,
to lead,
to share the message of a life worth living.
The life that we are all here to LIVE.
A life of THRIVING.
For anything other is not giving praise to our creator.

I love you haters, nahsayers and skeptics.
Thank you! Thank you for your sharing.

Without YOU there would be no reason.

I share with you now one of my favorite messages,
the one that most aligns…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn how to move from negative, fear based thinking into a mindset of love and acceptance?
Explore the power of forgiveness, shame release, judgment and anger management and how such negative influences can become lifetime roadblocks to your life of THRIVING?

Let’s discuss 1:1 elite coaching today.
Message me for deet’s today.

You Know That Feeling. Yes That Feeling.

You know that feeling…
That feeling that you get when you just cannot sit still.
When you have wanted for something,
you sat and conjured it up in your head over and over again,
the excitement of the WHAT IF?

Yes that feeling.

That’s it right there, love.

That feeling that heats up your groin.
That feeling that makes your body pulse.
That feeling that makes your heart flutter like you just kissed someone for the first time.
That feeling that makes you blush like really good sex.

Yes that feeling.
Right there, love.

You know that feeling don’t you?

Waking up in this feeling is one of the best things EVER!

It just ignites the whole day.

It’s almost like you feel like you are walking around with a magic wand in your hand and just asking for what you want and flicking your wand and BAM –

It’s there.

You can feel your manifestation,
RIGHT THERE,
even though you cannot see it in this moment.

YOU FEEL IT.

Yes that feeling.
That feeling right there, love.

So juicy.
So yummie.
It just makes you want to keep asking for more all the while basking in what you have coming.
What is there with you now.

It is exciting!
It is blissful.

It is all YOU.
And you KNOW it.

You feel your power in these moments.
Yet there is great AWE as well.
And GRATITUDE,
in this expectation.

It’s like you don’t want to over think it,
or you will kill the energy.
You don’t want to try and figure out what you are doing,
no.

You just want to bask in it.
Take it in.
And eat it up.

Because it is there.
It is asking you to STEP FULLY into your manifestation.
It is asking you to keep on BELIEVING.

Keep on CLAIMING.
Keep on ASKING.

And most importantly keep on BEING READY.

Those thoughts,
that get you feeling this juicy yumminess that life has to offer when you are OPEN.

When you are ALLOWING.

Yes that feeling.
That feeling right there, love.

That is what I want you to FOCUS on today and always.

I know how hard it can be.
You feel like it is too simple.
It cannot be that easy to have everything that you want.
Yet when you paint that picture,
when you feel that feeling.

And it MAGNIFIES.
It intensifies and you can FEEL it as though it is.
You just know in these moments,
don’t you.

So it is that simple.
That easy.
It is all you ever need do, love.
To just STEP THE F-CK IN and say YES.

Yes to that F-ck Yes! Relationship.
Yes to that F-ck Yes! Cash Flow.
Yes to that F-ck Yes! Health.
Yes to that F-ck Yes! Freedom.
Yes to that F-ck Yes! Sex.
Yes to that F-ck Yes! __________(Fill in your desire)

You know that feeling…
That feeling that you get when you just cannot sit still.
When you have wanted for something,
you sat and conjured it up in your head over and over again,
the excitement of the WHAT IF?

Yes that feeling.

That’s it right there, love.

Now FOCUS.
Work Your MAGIC.

And As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Wanting to take it a step further.
Wanting to get really activated in your manifestation powers.

You are in luck love.
That is what I do.
I help special people just like you,
who know, who crave, who desire so much more and just need a little guidance.

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The case of the mystery flower delivery.

I share this tale with you today, 
because it tells so much of our desire and need to know. 
It show’s how difficult it is to just receive. 
Receive without question.
And to let life be magical, 
and full.

Yes, here I sit on day three of a mystery. 
It is a BIG mystery at that.

Let me share with you the gist and what I have learned in the process.

Friday, like any day, I sat in my writing spot. 
I wrote and people came through my space, 
sharing their day, 
their ideas and challenges. 
I sat there and enjoyed them. 
I enjoyed the moment. 
And when the stillness came, 
I wrote.
While writing the door bell rang, 
my son answered and came back with a lovely bouquet of white roses and lilies. 
He sat them down on my table and I read the note attached.

“I hope this makes an ordinary day, extraordinary! – Signed Me”

My heart smiled. 
As I love getting flowers. 
And I was just thinking how I needed new ones on my table. 
It smiled because with these lovely flowers came a feeling of love. 
I felt desired. 
I felt like someone, 
this Me character, knew what I needed in that moment.
As my days before had been challenging and overwhelming. 
And here was just a breath of air. 
And a very accurate desire to make my ordinary, 
extraordinary.

So whom was the me?
Whom could I give my thanks too?
My heart felt it was one person, 
the flowers before me, 
the bouquet choice, 
seemed to say his name.
And so….
I sent a text in that moment, 
as this person was out of town and state, 
and I sent a text, 
saying “Thank you, you just made me smile.”
It was received, but not acknowledged that it was a comment about the flowers.

And so, 
I persisted.
Like any good woman, 
who wants to know who gifted her. 
Who wants to say thank you.
I persisted. 
I sent a picture. 
with a comment of, “Aren’t they lovely?”
And in response, 
I got “Wow! yes they are. “

After sharing some, it came about that this man claimed not to have sent them my way. 
In shock, 
as it was right up his line of action, 
I found myself on the mystery bus. 
And am still there. 
three days later, 
after asking almost all my old lovers, 
and asking current men I share intimacies with, 
and asking my children and friends, 
clients even, 
I have come up with a loss as to whom, 
sent these flowers.

And why does it matter anyway?
Why do I care so much?

I claim it is because I need and desire to give my thanks. 
And that is partially true.

The reality is, 
outside of the turn on that I have from the courting, 
outside of the smile that it brought me, 
outside of the romantic mystery, 
and I do love a good mystery.
I want to KNOW.
Because I feel like I need to know.

But is that true?
What will it benefit?
What will it do?

Perhaps, the gift of the mystery, 
is in the not knowing.

It is in the surrender.

Perhaps, 
this soul is asking for my surrender, 
and asking me to just receive.

Much like the universe. 
Much like God.

The request is simple. 
Surrender and Receive.

Everything can be yours in so doing this.

But here I sit on day three. 
Looking at my beautiful flowers.

Still smiling.
Still questioning.

And in my questioning, 
I have discovered the answer.

The answer like with anything is always right in front of us. 
Our soul always knows. 
And the clues are right there.

The clues of heart and soul.
Of soul alignment.
Of getting EXACTLY what we ask for.
And just letting it be. 
Be the beautiful, loving act that it is.

Letting that smile be seen.
The surrender be felt.

Yes here.
Here is where I sit.
I sit now, 
still with a lingering question.
But knowing that I am being given my hearts desire.

And that, 
that is all I ever need to know.

My gratitude will reach this “Me” whom sent the flowers. 
It is felt already I am sure. 
And this “Me” with a hidden smile, 
in their knowing, 
I thank for the soul lesson. 
The lesson in receiving. 
The lesson in true giving. 
I feel great respect for this “me”
because they are not needing the pat on the back. 
They are but just holding space.
And in that space they too are receiving.

And so, 
the lesson remains.

Let It Go.
Let it go, and surrender to your receiving.

There is no need to know.
There is no need to thank.
Not verbally.
The gratitude needed comes from the heart.
And this can be felt from any distance.

And now I have a question, 
a question for you, 
and I encourage you to inquire.
As it will change your world.

“Where are you not surrendering to your desire to receive?”

Where are you holding yourself back from all that you want, because you are scared of not knowing what will come?

Let this case of the mystery flower delivery, 
be a lesson to surrender to the mysteries of God’s blessing and those that are used to manifest them.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

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The Ego of Prayer

“I’ve been praying.

I have been praying but it does not seem that my prayers are being heard.

They must be falling on deaf ears, or heaven has shut its gates to my plea.
I am in such need.

I am fearful, scared, and uncertain.


I have fallen to my knees, each and every night.

And asked for guidance, through this difficult time.


I’ve been praying.Lord, please help me.”


You may never want to read my words again, after you read this post.
Just a simple FYI.


I am going to preface this with, I am not condemning prayer.

I am not saying anything of the sort.


PRAYER is POWERFUL.

Prayer is wonderful.

Prayer is NEEDED.


However much like anything though,  it is best when done in perfection,  or as close to it as we can get.


And that is not to say that we cannot be human in our prayer and mess the eff up here and there.


But in order for us to get the answers that we desire,

which is WHY WE PRAY to begin with,

then we MUST do prayer right.


Proper prayer,

is not about the way you fold your hands,

or bow before an alter.


It is not about where you choose to go to pray,

or what faith you choose to follow.


It is not about the forgiveness of sins,

or the asking of such even.


Proper prayer,

is simply about VIBRATION.


When we pray we do so from fear.

We pray from a place of brokenness.

We pray from a belief that we do not have,

that we have done something to deserve this suffering,

that we are not worthy, and MUST ask for forgiveness.

That we must cower before the alter of our choice,

and we must make ourselves small.


We believe that whatever we are needing,

wanting or crying out for is not within our scope.


And so we pray.

We pray for help.


And this sweet one, is not the energy of God. This is not the energy of the divine..

This is not in love or of love.
This sort of prayer is one based in inverted pride.

Therefore ego.


No,this is not how God desires his people to show up.


This is not how we show off God’s power.

Through begging.

Through suffering.

Through bartering.


Eff…. NO!
Proper prayer….

Proper prayer, as stated before is all about VIBRATION.


And vibration starts with your thinking.

Then your feeling.

Yes your emotions that are attached to those thoughts.


Proper prayer should ALWAYS be a prayer of GRATITUDE.


Find gratitude in the things that you have around you,

even if your life is sh*t.


Find gratitude in the life you have been given,

even if you are scared, suffering and lost.


Find gratitude in your struggle,

because it shows you where your work is at.


And that work that it is showing you is nothing more than a change in VIBRATION.


Gratitude is the ONLY proper prayer

.As any other will only lead you to further low vibe thoughts, fears, and concerns.

Thus you will embody suffering through the emotions that you feel based on this belief that it is out of your grasp to be FRUITFUL.


Prayer is about turning it over.

Showing your FAITH.And LETTING GO to GOD.


We do not let go, when we are attaching our inverted pride to any situation. Instead we are owning victimhood and a scarcity mindset.


In order for us to live in grace, abundance and joy, we must let go of our need to control through our fears and wounding.


Thus making every prayer a PRAYER OF GRATITUDE instead of FEAR.


Let God’s power show through you,

by leveling up your prayer life,

and step into CERTAINTY,

where all things are possible,

because God is GREAT.


This is the life of a believer.

And a prayer achiever.


Your VIBE Dictates Your Prayer.


As always, Stop Existing & Start Living


If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me HERE

Never Stop Manifesting The Cup of Coffee

About 20+ years ago I started focusing in on the law of attraction.
I wanted to take charge of my manifesting and I wanted to create the life of my dreams.
Having always been spiritually focused,
and enjoying quantum physics for my pleasure reading,
it came to me that this thing known as the Law of Attraction might be worth investigating.
After all there was a history of exploration around it.
Anyone who has ever read Think and Grow Rich, or any of Napoleon Hill’s work as well Earl Nightingale, Dale Carnegie or Norman Vincent Peale just to name a few greats, I am sure would agree that there must be something to this law.

Through the course of time,
I have had many a positive and a negative experience with the law. The thing that I have had the toughest concept with was personal responsibility.

Yes responsibility.
We are each responsible for what is coming into our manifestation zone.
What we are attracting to us.
It is difficult to take responsibility for the crap that manifests in our lives.
I am sure that you would agree.
It is hard to look at these things and say with certainty and even enthusiasm,
“Yes! I did that. – I attracted that. – I own it.”

I mean how often do we want to own the random flat tire,
the hot water heater blowing up, the car accident, the personal injury, the job or relationship loss?

We never want to own these things.
yet this is where the power of our manifestation is seen and we MUST pay attention too.

I will even go to the level that we should be excited about the sh*t that manifests,
as it shows us that we are manifestors.
And damn good one’s at that.

Owning our power means that we do not ignore any manifesting that we have going on for ourselves.
It means that we have to be just as full of gratitude for the free random coffee that we manifested to the flat tire.

It is all us.
It all came from our thought vibration.
And this is where we learn our truth.

Are you sitting there, reading this and agreeing?
or are you disagreeing?
It does not matter BTW.
It just is.

That is the thing about universal laws.
they don’t care if we believe in them or not,
they still happen according to their design.
It is up to us to become conscious and start making use of them to our consistent benefit ( manifesting what we perceive as positive) or remain unconscious and just let the cards fall will they will.

It is up to each of us.

However, if we choose to CLAIM OUR LIVES,
if we choose to move forward toward the F-ck Yes! Life,
then we MUST become conscious of this law.
We must start to own all of our manifestations,
not just those that feel good to us.

I so often hear people say,
“So I started using the law of attraction 5 years ago.”

LOL….
This cracks my ass up.

“Started using…”
Honey, you were born using the law of attraction.
You use it every moment of your life.
You use it in your waking hours,
you use it in your sleeping hours.
You use it when you are pooping,
when you are eating,
when you are having sex,
or an argument.
When you are paying your bills,
or when you are on vacation.
There is NEVER a moment that you are not using the law of attraction.

It is about THOUGHT VIBRATION.

And if you “think” you are “thinking the right thoughts” but crap just keeps manifesting in your life,
then guess what?

YOU ARE STINKING THINKING.

It is not rocket science baby.
It is a universal law,
a law that is based on the frequency that your thoughts are sending out.
That is it.

The ONLY other component that matters to it,
is how you feel about these thoughts.

The emotions attached to these thoughts.

If you are sold hook line and sinker on the fact that you will always be living pay check to pay check,
or that you will never find love,
or you will never have the body you want,
or whatever it is that you are CERTAIN that you cannot have,
then guess what baby?
You are right.

And feel that feeling,
that sensation in your body as you think about not having it.
Feel that anxiety,
that sadness,
that disappointment,
that anger.

If you are waking with a subconscious thought that is affirming that you cannot have,
and you wake with one of these sensations,
then it should just make sense that you not manifest ANYTHING other than things that support these feelings.
So you pour hot coffee on yourself,
you break a dish,
you scratch the side of your car,
your shoes don’t feel right,
you feel bloated,
etc.
etc.

The opposite is true to though luv.

If you wake with a feeling of gratitude,
a feeling of love in your heart, ‘excitement for the day,
for life and all that you can make happen.

If you feel into how good it feels to wake up,
and KNOW that you are the CREATOR of your world,
that you are so supported.

So very supported.
The whole universe wants to give you what you want.
What you are VIBING TOO.
So all you have to do is BE HAPPY.
And more things that make you happy will manifest like magic into your world.

F-ck YES!!!!!!

This is the F-ck Yes!! Life that I coach on.
This is what I help people every day achieve.
This is the life that I wake to daily,
and if I don’t then I consciously make up my mind to change my VIBE ASAP.

Today,
today is like any other.
Today I woke,
I was tired, but I stretched and said my gratitudes before my feet hit the ground.
I moved on through my moments of motherhood,
of taking tired kids to school,
I dealt with my ex and christmas items,
I looked at some bills,
and I drove in rush hour traffic to take my daughter almost 2 hours away to state testing for homeschool.

And you know what?
I walked into the conference space that her testing was at,
fifteen minutes early,
I laughed and connected with the ladies who were setting everything up for the students and a few moments later,
one of the women said,
” Excuse me mam, would you be interested in a white mocha latte from Starbucks? It is untouched. I ordered it on accident for someone who is not here. Do you want it?”

F-ck Yes!!!!
A small manifestation.
But showing where my VIBE is.

I said yes and gave my thanks.
I opened to receiving.

I said yes.
And gave gratitude. (KEYS to receiving more)

often in the start of awaking to the law of attraction,
we are told to just go manifest a cup of coffee.

I want to say,
NEVER STOP MANIFESTING THAT CUP OF COFFEE.

Your belief of your power starts and is consistently supported here.

So what will you manifest today?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section. HERE

Stop Gripping Your THING.

What are you holding on for?
Why won’t you just simply let go and let it flow?
It really is not that difficult.
But NO….

No, there you are fighting it.
There you are hanging on because you cannot let go.
You say that you are in flow,
you say that you got this alignment thing down.
You say that you are feeling good about it.

Blissed out!
Right?

WRONG!!!

Don’t be trying to fool the world,
cuz’ the world sees you.
You know how you are seen?
Through the eye’s that you see yourself with,
this is how the world sees you too.
It’s in your walk,
it’s in your talk,
your body language,
how you sit,
how you shake hands,
the faces you make,
the tone of voice you have.

You think no one can see that constriction?
LOL

Okay.

Whatever.

Let’s be real,
let’s have some respect for each other and self here,
and just state the facts.

You are scared that if you let go,
and let life catch you,
that you just trust that God has your back,
that you will fall.
That you will fail.
That you will die somehow.

You feel the pain,
the suffering right now,
from this fear.

Don’t you?

I mean look here it is the day after Thanksgiving,
it’s the coming of the end of the year.
The holiday’s are upon you,
the demands are many,
the fininances required to make it through the next 30, 45, or 60 days is massive.
You have choices.
You can go into debt some more,
you can just say,
“No, I am broke, I can’t.”
You can ignore the whole damn thing and drink,
or you can figure out a way to make sh*t happen.

And you want to make sh*t happen.
You want to have a killer holiday season.
You don’t want it to be last year,
or the last ten years.
You want it be fantastic.

You want to wake up on Christmas morning to the faces of your loved one’s and feel good,
you want to experience the love,
the joy,
the excitement.

You want to feel proud.

Don’t you?

But what will it take?
What will it cost you?

Money?
Time?
Energy?

Yeah, all of that is true.
The real cost though is not these things.
The real cost is something far greater.
The cost is why you are not doing it yet.
Why you feel that tugging in your gut,
that constriction in your chest,
that anxiety,
the reason why you are not sleeping so well,
the reason why you are drinking more,
the reason you are distant,

YES.
That is the reason.
That is the THING.

And you know the THING.
The THING that is bringing you the suffering.
That premature suffering for things that have not manifested yet.

Yeppers, that is it.

So why are you giving yourself,
your life to this THING?

Oh you say you have too.
You say that if you let go of that THING that you would perish for sure,
you say that focusing in on this THING is what is going to guarantee you not to experience it?

Mmmmmmmm- Hmmmmmmmmm….

Okay.
Whatever you say.

And with that we have the truth.
It is whatever you say,
REPEATEDLY…
In your own f-cking head.
Yes, that is what shall be.

And what are you saying?
Oh, you are worried about that THING are you.
That beast that you have yet to come up against.
That event that will take you out,
destroy you,
well NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!

It already has destroyed you.

Look at you.
You are stressed out to the max,
and all over that THING that has not happened,
and guess what most likely an 80% + chance that it won’t ever happen either.

But it has already knocked you down.
Because you are sitting around agonizing over IT.

Yes.
So STOP that Mother F-cking Sh*t,
and LET GO.

Instead,
go DO-BE-HAVE the life that you know you crave.
It is all up to you.
It is all up to where you choose to apply your focus.

You want the glass to be half empty,
then so be it.
And you know what that will get you…
the same thing you have been suffering through already.

Or….
You can opt to look at all that you have,
all the blessings,
all the joys,
all the love,
all the abundance.

It is all over you.
If you will just open up to it.
So change that stinking thinking,
and EMBRACE your TRUTH.

The CHOICE is up to you,
It always has been.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebookfor my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.