Are You Hiding From The Truth In Your Relationship?

Retraction.
The holding of the breath.
The gripping of one’s fist.
Fidgetting.
 
What we expereince when something is shared that we don’t want to hear.
 
It can be hard to hear our partner speak about what they are feeling. How they are thinking. Or the challenges that they are having in the relationship.
 
It can be terrifying at times and make us question if the relationship will survive.
It can make us feel weak,
defeated, not enough, lost even.
 
When our partner throws a verbal dagger at us,
whether they know it or not,
it hurts.
 
And we find ourselves tossed between gratitude for finding out and a desire to not know any more.
To just make it go away.
 
The gratitude is our soul telling us that this is what is needed,
if our partner had not openned up and shared then that would mean that the relationship was already dead and it was just a matter of time till we discover its corpse.
 
This is what happens frequently however,
so often couples carry on and one partner is blind and deaf to the truth of what state the relationship is in, until it is too late and then they scratch their head in confussion of , “How is this possible, I thought everything was good?”
 
If we lean into the desire to make this pain go away and to not hear it anymore,
we may find ourselves retracting our love to our partner.
We may find ourselves just simply disregaurding what they are sharing and moving along as though it never happened.
Hoping that if we don’t talk about it or give it attention that it will change on its own.
 
This is detrimental to the releationship, however.
Making excuses up as to why you cannot focus on this right now, saying that this is the wrong tme to bring it up, saying that its all in our partners head or that thats not true, are all statements sharing that you do not value your partners feelings, thoughts or heart and that you are more caught up on the gut punch and how bad it was of them to make you feel this or to ask for something.
 
This is also detrimental to the realtionship.
 
The ONLY path to choose in this instance “IF” you desire to keep the relationship that you have and to make it strong and happy again is to PAUSE and listen without denial, without hiding, without excuses or fighting.
 
This is what is referred to as
“holding space.”
 
Coaches and therapist’s do this all the time for their clients.
The answers are often formed through the venting,
the sharing, the allowance of the feeling.
 
As a couple, if you desire to take some bad news shared and turn it into gold, then this is the sapce to start in.
 
If you close the door to the communication,
if you get angered or bitter about the sharing,
if you go into attack mode,
or allow your fear to control,
then you will find yourself pushing your partner further away.
 
Communication is the key to holding a relationship together.
Communication is the key to healing a relationship.
Commincation is the key to building trust, intimacy and love.
 
But communicating means listening without judgement or a need to be right or change what someone else is feeling or thinking.
 
Comminucation also means presenting a safe space where your partner feels permission and safety in speaking what they need and that their words will be heard and acknowledged.
 
Commincation means sharing your truth.
Sharing what you are feeling, fearing, troubled with, needing, not liking, liking, loving.
 
If you want a turned on, empowered relationship then you have to move away from surface level relating.
You must be willing to hear it all and hold that space for self and your partner.
 
You must be willing to offer what is going on with you and INQUIRE about what your partner is expereincing,
 
Most relationships today do not do this.
They believe that they do,
but they don’t.
 
Most relationships accept the answer of,
“I am good. I am fine. We are good.”
 
The simple truth is that relationship requires work, time, energy, truth, compassion,communicating, stepping back from a need to be right.
 
If you don’t take the time right now to share with your partner or to hold space for your partner to share and actually listen to what they are sharing, understanding that every share is valuable, then what you will discover is that your relationship will end.
 
If you claim that you love your partner.
Claim that you love your relationship.
Claim that it is the most important thing to you.
That it and them matter.
 
Then let it be witnessed through your actions of taking the time and making it priority.
 
Without shame.
Without guilt.
Without anger.
Without retraction.
Without accusations.
 
But with LOVE.
 
If you think you don’t have time to do this,
then I promise you that you will find a time that it will not longer beasking for your time.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for 1:1 couples and individual coaching availble world wide and/or group coaching focused on this and more.

Today Give Yourself Permission to Fall In Love.

Giving myself permission to fall in love while in isolation.

Such a beautiful opportunity to come back to self.

To come back to what matters most in this life

and to fully embrace all that I have not yet allowed to manifest.

Can you do the same?

Imagine a world that took this time of solitude,

this time of silence,

this time of moving slower and not rushing here and there,

as an opportunity to fall in love.

To fall in love with SELF first.

To fall in love with all your own little quirks and those things you find fault in.

To fall in love with the things that you find challenging.

To fall in love with your DESIRES.

To fall in love with your hopes and your dreams.

Imagine if you sat with all the things that you think about and made a plan as to what steps you needed to take to open the doorway to you creating the life that you want.

Imagine if you did not JUST THINK about the steps but actually took action on all the ones that you could RIGHT NOW.

Imagine if you looked at the person that you “wish” you could be and that you know that you must become in order to have this life you desire and started to implement just three to five things into your daily practice that would support you fully stepping into this person who calls in those dreams and desires with ease.

Imagine if you took this time to reconnect to YOU.

To step away from the habits that you use to buffer yourself from feeling your truth.

Imagine if you looked past the things that you use to not feel and instead give yourself permission to feel your emotions, all of them.

Imagine if you allowed yourself to do some deep dive inquiry work with yourself to learn who you are right now and what your interests are without the expectations, needs or desires of others.

Imagine if you took some time today and each day to appreciate your body for supporting you the way that it does.

Imagine if you took time each day to connect to the people that you claim matter most to you.

Imagine if you slowed down even more,

and took time without any noise to really appreciate the sky.

The tree’s. The breeze. The sunshine. Nature.

Imagine if you took this time to learn something new.

Imagine if you took this moment that God is offering you and instead of focusing on the fear that the world is stuck in,

YOU…

YES YOU…

Realize your power.

Imagine what your life today could be like.

What your tomorrow would feel and look like.

Imagine with me now, a world of individuals doing just this.

Participating in a mass healing of consciousness.

A mass healing of embodiment.

A mass healing of self-love and appreciation.

A mass healing of community.

Because a better you,

is a better us,

is a better world.

But in order for this to be a real thing,

we each must do our part.

We must stop giving it only lip service and instead take action.

We must move forward with clarity in self.

This is how we turn the chaos into beauty.

Into peace.

But you must do your part, love.

You must know your worth,

know your value to today and to this world.

Knowing that in your actions,

your thoughts,

your embodiment,

you let your light be shown,

and with each light that ignites the darkness will be replaced with radiance.

We are a chosen people.

We are a people blessed by the hands of the creator.

We are a people that walk in the footsteps of greatness.

And how we progress forward is based on the choices that we each make.

SO if you think you have no power or say in the days and events to come,

THINK AGAIN.

You are the power.

You are the choice.

So live today in Self-Love and Awareness.

Dare to do something unique.

Dare to embody the self.

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.

Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.

Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

Photo credit to Photographyinwonderland.

Laughter, Crisis and How To Move Forward.

Laughter is like a windshield wiper,
it doesn’t stop the rain but it allows us to go on.
 
In times like these it is vitally important to the well-being of your mental, emotional and physical health as well as the world’s energy to find joy and laughter in each day.
 
I cannot stress enough that THIS is how we heal this crisis situation.
 
Through finding the blessing in the cloud that is raining on our earth today.
 
THIS is how we move forward.
And we only ever have today to live,
so why make it a day that is fearful?
Why not focus on beauty?
Why not focus on connection?
Why not focus on your dreams and goals?
 
You can have your best life TODAY.
 
But you must look for it.
You must allow it.
You must give yourself permission to feel it.
 
I don’t know about you,
but it has been a rough few weeks.
It has been trying,
and hard to not get caught up in all the fear.
It is so easy to loose sight of hope when the storm clouds just will not go away.
 
But sadly if we focus on the storm and the floods that it is creating with fear,
then we never will be able to see the opportunities that are being presented by them.
 
And I promise you this….
There is ALWAYS an opportunity in the storm.
 
In order to find hope again,
we must first recognize where we have turned our attention.
And then guide our thoughts toward those that serve our best outcome instead of feeding our fear.
 
By applying our attention like this we open up the flood gates to creative thinking,
which allows us OPPORTUNITY to find solutions.
 
Much like the rain on our windshiled,
we cannot see the road before us or the turns that we must make if we get caught on the rain drops.
 
The rain drops that encompass our path today,
are our thoughts.
 
And these thoughts dictate our feelings,
and send us down the rabbit holes that we choose.
 
To clear that path,
to clear the fear,
the limiting thoughts and the seperation from our truth,
we must break the chaos with joy.
 
The little moments.
If we each take this time of isolation as an opportunity to reconnect to who we each are,
what really matters to us,
and become more present in our lives and bodies,
in our relationships and ideas,
then we WILL come out of this storm,
our fires will not be put out but instead we will be purged of all that does not serve us any longer and moved forward on our path as individuals and as a world society.
 
The stillness and silence that so many are fearful of is a beautiful mediative space to go within,
the slower life is an opportunity to do the things that you have put off,
to do self-improvement work,
to change habits to ones that support the life that you want.
A time to catch up on things that you have not had an opportunity for,
and to set goals for the back half of the year and for the next five years.
 
The slower lifestyle,
the “forced” staying at home and being with family is an opportunity to build strong family relationships,
to actually get to know those that you are sharing your world with,
and to take a moment to share with them.
 
The isolation that we have in current is a great opportunity to see what matteres most and start to focus more on just that.
The seemingly simple little things are actually the BIG things.
 
Smiling at a stranger,
making eye contact and allowing yourself to feel your heart,
Playing with your child.
Holding hands with your lover.
Laughing.
Breathing in the cool air on a sunny day.
Family dinners.
and so much more.
 
Today I encourage you to focus on the life that you want.
To bring your thoughts into alignment with what you desire instead of what you fear.
 
And remember that TODAY is all you ever have,
so why not make it the day that you want.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grwon A*s Believers”
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.
 

Beauty in COVID-19.

There is great beauty in awareness.
There is gratitude if you have knowledge.
There is compassion if one let’s themself become educated.
There is hope if we pull together and allow TRUTH be shown without FEAR.
 
 
The question truly falls if we the people of planet earth are willing to do these things though.
 
The beautiful thing about the COVID-19 outbreak is that it is pulling us together as a world society.
 
It is showing our most brilliant aspects but it is also revealing our darkness.
 
And at the end of this plaugue we will be witness to our TRUTH.
 
Now what that truth is,
we currently do not know.
It will only come about when we reach the end of the swing of this pendulum,
and see if the masses focused on FEAR and destruction or if there were enough who chose to focus on love, gratitude, community, healing, courage, passion for life, and pulling back the curtains of the ego.
 
It is being said that we are at the end of days.
It is being said that it is all according to prophecy.
It is being said that it is a conspiracy of leaders to take over the world once and for all and enslave all of humanity.
It is being said that mother nature has had it with us.
It is being said….
and what over and over agian is stated is fear mongering.
The focus and attention to fear,
the belittlement of our greatness,
your greatness.
The threatening of your lives, your well-being, your everything.
And it is so focused upon by ALL,
that if we are not cautious then it will be for certain for many that this will become a tragic world event.
 
As I type this very musing to you,
our child abuse rates are increasing due to this panademic.
Our domestic violence rates are increasing and between these two alone,
our murder tolls are going up.
Suicide is on the rise.
And this is just the start.
 
Not to be a Debbie Downer right now,
but awareness and education show’s these facts.
 
In the face of this horrible panademic,
we are loosing countless thousands more because of our focus on FEAR.
 
It is education that we need.
Not fear.
Fear has never been a good solution.
It has never supported healing or growth.
Fear does not move you through a challenge.
It causes one to flee, hide or fight.
Which is what we are seeing.
 
Abuse increase.
Crime increase.
Alcohol and drug usage increase.
And we are not applying any attention to it.
 
Right now we have an opportunity.
As we sit in our states of isolation,
we have an opportunity to grow ourselves.
To ask the questions of our leaders, our selves and our communities that matter.
We have an opportunity to look at what has not been working,
and explore what could.
 
The answer is certainly not to crash the economy.
Causing our childrens children to suffer from this panademic 100 years from now.
The answer is to not shut down the world and our existance the way we know it, and instill fear into each and every soul, ‘creating a greater seperation.
No, seperration only results in all the above negativity.
The solution….
is AWARENESS.
EDUCATION.
FACTS.
Looking at ALL evidence, not just what media chooses to share.
Really looking at the numbers.
All of them, not just the death numbers.
Remember that statistics can be whatever you want them.
A person who wants to be aware, looks for ALL the facts.
This means,
age.
other issues/disease.
What the COVID-19 virus is really doing in our world – its natural swing,
remember that with all things you can only go so far up in numbers before there is a drastic decline.
Have you looked at this?
Whats the real percentage of people who even get COVID-19?
Have you gone to CDC.com or Worldometers.info and explored? (ALL the numbers)
 
If you claim to say that you are concerned for your health,
the worlds state,
the economy,
THEN DO YOUR PART and get educated outside of media.
 
We don’t have to agree.
We can have vastly different views,
thats awesome actually.
But if you are just blindly listening to media and what is being fed to you,
then know that you don’t have education or awareness on your side.
You are allowing yourself to be brainwashed.
 
And my point is two fold:
1) If you are going to be brainwashed at least CHOOSE what you are ingesting.
2) Fear NEVER fixed anything. And what we have on us right now is a FOCUS on FEAR with this crazy idea that it will be some part of the solution.
 
Its time we focus on something better then FEAR if we are to save our world and create a safe and prosperous planet for our youth.
 
And it is time to find beauty again in the lesson that we are being given from God and Mother Nature.
 
It is not a lesson to seperate and hide from the truth, to toss our hands up and let someone else deal with the solution and pray that they have our best at heart…
 
No.
 
It is a lesson to find gratitude for the life that you were given,
the planet that you were born on,
the world family of humans that ARE smart and creative,
who when they desire to truly come together and find a healthy path,
 
CAN.
 
I for one believe in humanity.
I believe in TRUTH.
I believe in shining a light in the darkest of days.
 
Are you willing to become aware enough to have an actual educated opinion?
 
Or will you continue to ignore and be a victim to this day?
 
Sending you all my love sweet reader,
with many prayers of gratitude for you and this world.
 
Let your light shine.
And as always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grwon A*s Believers”
 
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
 
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
 
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

Compassion, Gratitude + Vagus Nerve: The Components to Your Mind, Body, Soul Connection

Do you ever have a moment in your life where you find your heart swelling with gratitude and love?

Where you are sitting in a state of awe over how effing blessed you are?

Do you ever just find yourself in tears to the magic that this life has to offer?

I have this frequently.
Just this morning my alarm went off a little after 5-AM.
I stretched, drank some water, went to the bathroom.
I came back to bed, snuggled under my furry blanket and wrapped myself up in my satin sheets.
My hand rested beside me and I felt my lovers erection,
he was sleeping, but his member was awake.

I smiled from within,
as I had a hunger to connect with him.

And so we made sweet love.
Wispers of pleasure,
my body was happy to receive him.
I joked that he needed to get going and shower, and get out the door to work,
but that I first demanded that he take care of me as I grabbed him.

The moment was playful,
it was loving and primal.
It was most of all connective,
and more so connective for me to embody myself then to even connect with him.

I found myself needing him to touch me,
needing him to bring me back to my breath,
needing ME to get present in my own flesh,
with my emotions,
and out of my head.

And this moment blessed me with just that.

Afterward, we kissed and he got me my morning coffee.
I sat in bed, breathed deep into my womb and relaxed my chest.
I found myself feeling so much gratitude for my life,
for him,
for the opportunities that I have,
I was grateful for the messes that I need to clean up today,
my home that needs tidied for a 3-day event happening in it this coming weekend,
for my children,
their laughter and joy.
I opened up my facebook and I scrolled through pictures and events that happened over the last eight weeks.
I looked at the travel, the birthdays, the dinners, the family and friends,
the laughter,
the authentic smiles,
the connection.

I saw the blessings and felt JOY.
I felt INSPIRED to focus on just that and keep manifesting more of what feels so good.
I felt PEACE for where I am,
and EXCITEMENT for the path before me.
I felt GRATITUDE for being in my body and the messages that my SOUL shares through my body.
and I felt COMPASSION for self,
and UNDERSTANDING that I am just human.

This is how we create.
This is how we manifest our lives.
We grow and we manifest through being EMBODIED.
But so often we do not fathom what embodiment means,
let along how to achieve it.
We hide in our heads,
where the clutter and chaos of our fears and worries drown out our truth.
We run from our bodies,
and our emotions,
in belief that they will mislead us,
that they are weak and not to be listened too.

Yet as our world evolves,
science is pointing back to what we call spiritualism,
that crazy mystic shiz,
and it is revealing that thier is so much to the
MIND< BODY<SOUL connection.
That in order for us to truly live to our full capasity and expereince maximum well-being that we MUST embody ourselves and not exclude any aspect of this triad.

It is our ability to connect the dots of this three parts that enable us to be the alchemists of our lives.

When we are lost,
when we are full of anxiety,
our pathway of communication between
MIND<BODY<SOUL is disrupted.
Making it it virtually impossible to make correct life choices for ourselves.
We hinder our selves through disassociation to the body and the emotions.
This disassociation causes us to have life happen to us,
verses us creating the life that we want.

In today’s world there are new sciences being created to study just this MIND<BODY<SOUL connection and the pathways that create the communication needed to achieve our full capacity.

The medical field of bioelectronics was formulated just for this sole purpose.

And in it’s study,
the pathway of the Vagus nerve is a focus.
This is just what I speak of today,
and how I have intuitively created my F-ck Yes! Lifestyle.
Through a consistent practicec of activaing, and paying attention to this communication freeway.
Listening to its messages from SOUL to Body, to mind and acting from this KNOWING space.

You can do the same.
SImple steps and unederstanding,
following the guidance of vagus nerve coaching and practices to live your best life.

Simple.

It really is.
And YOU can expereince the rewards.

Breathe.
Slow down.
Meditate.
Conscious Focus on Appreciation and Compassion.
Letting go of Control Based Thinking.
Becoming Body Present.

These are the steps.
Ready?

Get activated now.
And THRIVE.

How do you support your MIND<BODY<SOUL Connection?

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

ANNOUNCING my New Global Group Coaching Program!
5-weeks of intensive yet simple education, strategy and exercises to create your desired life through activation and understanding of the Vagus Nerve.

PM for Pre-Launch interest in Group Vagus Nerve Coaching Program. Learn how to embody and stimulate your vagus nerve in a whole new way.

Show Me Your World & I Will Show You Where Your Attention Is Focused.

Show me the money!
Show me your love!
Show me your attention….
 
Yes,
show me your attention.
Because the money and the love,
they will come or they will go,
based on where your attention is.
 
You can claim all damn day long that you are dreaming about the positives.
You can say that you love this and that about your life or your partner,
you can say,
“But, Kendal, I AM – REALLY- I am looking at all my blessings.”
 
And I will look at you and smile.
Because the reality is just such,
if your world is not what you want it to be in love or money,
or any other subject for that matter,
then the ONLY reason that it is not…
 
Is because you BABY,
are looking for the evidence that those things are not there instead of living as though they already are.
 
This is the hardest concept for us humans to get.
We set our goals,
we feel our desires,
we hunger and thirst for them,
we search, chase and keep our head down to the ground working our bumbs off to make it happen.
And we consistently look for our good efforts to reap the rewards that we want.
 
We consistently,
dig those seeds that we are planting up and ask of them,
 
“WHY have you little seed I planted just this morning, foresaken me? Why have you not sprouted?”
 
And this is the issue that we have with goals and dreams.
We keep digging them up.
We keep unearthing them and not having patience for them to sprout.
Something inside of us makes us believe that if we keep looking at what has not sprouted that it will magically make it sprout,
and not just sprout….
 
No it will magically go from seed to full grown tree bearing a whole crop of all the fruit that we hunger for.
 
And when it does not…
we get ill spirited and frustrated,
we go into victim mode.
We point to the lack of sprouting and proclaim,
“You see…. the evidence always shows me the same thing. No sprouts.”
 
And so we support our self-sabotagging beliefs of lack of worthiness, and love. We support the ideas that we cannot have and that we are just not good enough.
 
We tell ourselves,
we are looking at what we want in the positive.
That we are counting our blessings,
showing our gratitude and not having expectations or a need to control how we gain what we desire.
 
Yes, we tell ourselves all of this and more.
But our outside world shows the TRUTH.
 
I ask and encourage you today beautiful,
to take a moment to get REAL,
real with self.
Real with where your true attention is.
Because I promise you that God does not make unworthy things,
it is our powerful ability to create anything that we focus on.
And if you desire to speak into reality a life that is full of magic, love and money,
then speak it baby.
But speak it with the intent,
the words,
and the feeling that it is,
and stop your ill concepts of looking for it to not be there.
 
Watch your words my love.
Watch your actions and your feelings about that,
that you desire so.
 
Show me your world and I will show you where your attention is focused.
 
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to have more of what you love in yourlife?
Learn the magical secrets of the power that lives within you, and creates through you…
Let’s get you claiming your F-ck Yes! Life Today.
Message me for deet’s on private and group coaching now.

Why Women Don’t Trust Men.

Tears that cannot be seen are still tears felt.
 
Often I meet people in some of the most difficult spaces of their lives.
They come to me in thier wounding,
in their fear,
in their bitterness and revenge.
Trauma masks them from their truth.
They are lost.
And with thier lostness they have comfort.
 
It is this way for anyone who has experienced pain.
And the pain much of the time is rooted in our thoughts of ego,
which continues to trap us in a nasty loop of past fears, thoughts, feelings and expereinces.
Due to this loop we feel comfort, but we never feel fulfilled or happy as well.
 
Abandonment is one of the the major culprits to this pain.
To these tears that are unseen.
 
Abandonment happens when we least expect it too, does it not?
 
Last night I was having a discussion with a close friend about this very topic. We sat over a bottle of guava rum and had some deep dives into vulnerable shares around relationships and how we could each see a pattern in our past relationships with men. The men that touched us in such a power way, the one’s who openned our hearts, expanded our thinking and taught us incredible lessons about our lives and who we are as women.
 
I sat there and shared about the four past relationships that I find most significant and that I can say that three of them I was deeply and still am today even (if I am real with you and I in this moment) in love with. These men awakened the woman that I am today. And I am ever grateful for them blessing my life as they had.
 
All four of these relationships, professed their undying love for me.
They all asked me to marry.
They all went deep into my heart and soul and penetrated me like no other. Each built on the one before,
taking me into new relams of love.
Oh the stories I could share, and have in other musings.
These four men,
they changed my world forever and taught me to love.
 
They also crushed me in ways that I am sure none of them ever intended of.
Their words of, ” I will fight for you.” – ” I love you unconditionally and want nothing more than your happiness.” – “I can see forever with you.” – “I would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” – You are my world.”
 
Yes, these words as if from a storybook romance,
so lovely, so enticing.
So real for the moment they were spoken,
were the words that also crushed me after a period of time.
 
These words became poison and what they all loved – me,
they tried to kill in their own way by severing through retraction, removal, disposal and even physically action down the road of our relationship.
 
Now, here is the thing I want you to get from this musing:
Was there pain? yes.
Is there still pain? In moments, yes.
But I am more in gratitude than pain at this point, some of these relationship I speak of were from 20 years past even.
Some just a few years back.
It is the lessons, the patterns that I see and want to share with you today.
 
All four men chose to say good bye.
All four shared this pattern in that good bye,
the pattern of not speaking their integrity.
 
They chose to hide from me,
from thier hearts truth.
They chose to lie to my face day in and day out,
even when I inquired directly about what I was feeling from them.
They chose to run and hide instead of face me and say goodbye with clarity and heart.
They chose to abandon.
And this lack of integrity,
caused unfinished business between us,
and shame for them.
They supported my programs of:
 
” I am not good enough.”
“I am unlovable.”
” I am disposable like trash.”
“I am not worthy of true love or even truth.”
“I am not worthy to have someone fight for me.”
“I cannot trust men.”
“I am not safe.”
 
What I see often in my couples work with clients are all these programed statements and beliefs in women and the men not underestanding why she feels this way or what he has done to cause it.
 
I tell you sweet men of the world,
it is your lack of integrity.
 
When you do not stand in your truth to your core,
when you waiver,
when you hide like a little boy behind your mother’s skirts,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you tell us that all is well, when it is not,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you take without care,
demand that she gives you her sex, her heart, her smile even though she is not a yes,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you do not stand in her fire but instead try to coddle and fix,
father, shame, guilt, or teach,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you shut down your heart to hide from us,
when you close off and retract your love through ignoring,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
When you promise what you have no right to promise,
making firm statments of forever,
preaching your unconditional, undying devotion without the understanding of what you are actually saying,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
And most of all…
when that moment comes,
if it does,
when you know that she is not the one,
you choose to say goodbye as a coward,
without an eye to eye meeting of the hearts,
when you ghost,
go distant and even turn it into her fault because you are not man enough to stand in your truth,
 
Yes my sweet men of the world….
HERE, here you create these fears of the feminine.
 
The advice I have for you,
is simple.
 
Realize that abandonment does not happen at the moment that you choose to walk away,
your abandonment happened long before,
it was in the very first stages of your lack of integrity.
When you chose to not speak it and be it,
you abndoned not just her,
you banadoned yourself as well.
And this is why she cannot trust.
This is why she cannot surrender.
This is why you will find yourself repeating the same issues with a different women in your life.
 
If you want to have your woman fully,
learn to stand true in who you are.
Even if you do not have an answer for her in a moment,
or unable to fix what has gone astray,
if you feel lost in your emotions,
speak just that sweet man.
 
“My integrity in this moment, is that I don’t know.”
 
Whatever your truth may be,
she will respect and love you for it,
if she knows that she can trust you.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on learning how to create an authentic relationship based in love, integrity and desire.
*Photoe credit to www.photographyinwonderland.com

The Avalanche of Negative Momentum in Relationship – How to Cope?

Have you noticed that a lot of challenges and upsets in your relationship happens because of one person’s sensitivity to what is being said or what they “think” they are hearing?
 
And have you noticed that after you have been with someone for a bit,
that is feels like when you get into a confrontation that there is no bottom to how deep and dark you can take it?
That there seem’s to be no bottom to the level of pain that you may venture into,
or the memories that you can come up with?
 
And it all feels so nasty, does’nt it?
It feels so real.
 
Arguing is never a fun thing in relationship.
Especially in our most intimate relationships.
 
But what causes this?
And how can we more consciously deal with this negative momentum that occurs in our fighting?
 
First, its important to relaize that it is NOT a reflection of who you are,
or who your partner is,
or what your relationship is.
 
Its just a vibrational discord that is occuring.
Its a reflection of your energies not being aligned in that moment.
 
And one of the best things you can do it to speak just that.
And state that it is JUST A MOMENT.
That it is a moment of imbalance.
 
It has no permancy to it.
Realize that you are both making too much of it.
That with all the beauty,
all the blessings that you have in life,
that what you should be doing is feeling just that,
BLESSED.
 
But, don’t get caught up in the judgement of this realization.
Remember that compassion heals,
judgement harms.
 
Recognize what is happening in compassion,
be easy on yourself and your partner.
 
And, then remember that there is momentum in your energy that is moving you along like this,
Realize that this event that you are standing in right now,
is NOT from RIGHT NOW.
It has been building up momentum for some time,
it is residual momentum in your energy.
Just something triggered it.
 
Even though you may be feeling like you got blindsided by this dorment momentum,
that it’s okay.
 
Know that your vibration is where you last left it.
Meaning that just because this event is happening,
does not mean that you have to fall prey to your old vibrational ways of dealing with it.
 
You are being offered the opportunity to move forward with new eye’s as to how you wish to position yourself and where you want to go with your energy.
 
If you lean back into all those old memories that will so easily fester themselves up right now,
or you ponder all the times he/she said/did…
then you are now contributing to the momentum.
 
Leaning into ease and letting go of the energy,
you may feel strange or even fearful,
you may feel like you are jumping out of a plane without a parachute,
however the reverse is you fighting for your point,
and increasing the momentum of what you do not want.
 
Feeling insecure.
Self- judgement.
Self- Blame.
Feeling inconsiderate to each other.
And the list goes on and on endlessly.
 
As I am sure you have expereinced a few times in relationship fighting.
 
Instead try speaking this:
 
” I love you too much and I love me to much, I love us to much to continue this negative momentum.”
 
This statement offers zero judgement about the momentum or where it came from.
 
Its all accurate and real,
you are not making up the imbalance,
you are now just not adding to it.
 
You can want for whatever you are wnating for.
It is good and healthy to want.
The only thing you need to embrace is that in order for you to have what you are wnating for,
you must be a match to it,
and you cannot expect or demand another human being to act or be any particular way to get you what you want.
Or to make you happy.
Otherwise, this is making them a conditional lover.
Which makes your relationship one of need instead of love.
 
Instead when you step away from being conditional lovers/partners,
 
you now take responsibility for your own happiness.
You can say to your partner that you love them,
but that you are not going to act or do something just to appease them,
or to sooth their emotional state of being.
You can let go of the riegns of responsibility of what they are thinking or feeling and encourage them that this is thier moment to self-sooth.
Knowing that this is empowering to them and to you.
And even though there may not be any reaction changes,
you can stand at more peace because you are being authentic and in alignment whith your TRUTH,
verses being a conditional lover.
 
Think about it,
all relationships are the same.
In every relationship there is a dominant person and a submissive person,
and this can work well for many things,
it is also looked at as the masculine and the feminine,
we need the polarities in relationship to have attraction and desire,
but these poles can be abused.
And often are out of the name of love.
but when we access that poyant reality of who we all are,
children of God,
then we must also realize that the most loving thing in relationship is to accept and honor,
that no one is your boss and you are not the boss of anyone.
 
This concept of I own you.
I posess you.
Because I love you.
Is abuse of the word love.
It is not of the heart and soul,
but of the ego and fear.
Thus pulls us out of alignment and consistnetly builds and triggers such negative momentum as we have been speaking of here.
 
Realize that when you are looking for some sort of behaviour shift that what you are doing is trying to be the boss of your partner.
 
So instead of letting the momentum carry you to actually screaming these things at each other,
pause and say…
 
” I love you too much and I love me to much, I love us to much to continue this negative momentum.”
 
And PAUSE!
 
Yes pause.
This is the space to go your seperate ways,
to reflect and breathe,
to refocus yourself from fear and back into love.
 
This is also you putting the most important relationship back at center stage in your life,
that being the relationship with self and God.
It must be paramount.
And if you can make this relationship of the highest importance,
then your partner will follow,
because you will be in alignment and you will be magnetic in your ways,
acting and speaking out of love once again.
 
And this is where you move from.
A higher vibrational acting point.
 
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Looking for moree clarity and tools as to how transform your relationship of now into the relationship of your dreams?
Message me about privtae coaching strategies that show you the way.

I View All My Clients As Lovers.

It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..

It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.

That sex is something I am addicted too even.

Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.

People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”

Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.

The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.

Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.

I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.

I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.

Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.

I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.

Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.

This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.

What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.

Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.

Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.

I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”

Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.

And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.

Be my guest.

What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.

They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
Men.
Women.
Couples.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.

And yes….
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.

I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.

I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
TO THEMSELVES.

I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.

Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.

Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.

More than one?
Yes in deed.

And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
The judge.
The jury.
They have your answer.

But the mirror will never lie.

As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

I Feel Like My Life Is Full Of Pot Holes. (Relieving Sadness and Other Uncomfortable Emotions)

How do I rationalize my sadness?
I don’t understand why I am feeling the way that I am feeling,
and I cannot seem to escape it.
The more I look for why I am feeling this way,
the more caught up in this negative emotion I get.
I have tried all the appreciation shiz,
I know I have lot’s to be grateful for,
but it’s like it does not matter.
I still feel so empty.
I feel lost,
disappointed in myself.
I am scared of what my future holds.
And if I don’t figure out how to fix these things then I am doomed.
 
I have been here so long,
I don’t even know if I can fathom what happiness is.
 
Anything in these statements align to how you are feeling luv?
 
We all can get caught up in sadness.
For some it is a life long game.
For others we go through periods.
But there are a few things that EVERYONE has in common when we speak SADNESS.
 
Sadness is all about us having a temporary distorted view point on life or a situation.
 
It tell’s us that we are out of alignment with who we really are.
 
And in our need to “fix” the sadness we apply focused concentraion on the cause which in turn only digs us deeper into this pit of dispair.
 
Might seem hopeless if you think too much about it.
How are we to find a solution if we only dig ourselves deeper into it by trying to fix it?
 
If you look at depression,
or sadness,
hoplessness…
what do we do when we expereince these natural emotions that feel uncomfortable to us?
 
We go into problem solving mode.
We now know that there is “something broken” or not right-
typically that something is us so we believe,
and we look for solutions to repair the damage.
So we self medicate,
we get a doctor to confirm to us that we are broken,
we point outword at people and events and blame them for the broken pieces.
And we go into this mode of “IF ONLY.”
 
“IF ONLY” is a void. It is a space of emptiness that we believe needs to be filled by something.
 
“IF ONLY” is a concept that we have no control over our state of being.
 
“IF ONLY” leads us to believe that if things were different that then we would be happy.
 
“IF ONLY” makes us a victim.
And bares with it a feeling of weakness, destitution, and lostness.
 
“IF ONLY” is not the answer!
And bringing our focused attention to the problem,
analyzing every aspect of it ,
and bringing even more light to what is wrong,
will NEVER solve the problem.
It will however make it grow.
It will make it feel like we can’t get out of the muck.
It will appear that our life journey is one full of pot holes and sadness.
And the funny thing is that we forget who is driving our car.
 
YOU ARE DRIVING YOUR CAR.
 
And let’s just simplify this a tad here.
 
If you have ever driven a car down a road that had a bunch of pot holes,
how did you avoid hitting all the pot holes?
How did you limit your exposure to the pot holes?
 
Think about it.
Put yourself behind the wheel luv.
Because THAT is where you are at.
 
I am pretty sure that in order to avoid or limit hitting the pot holes you looked on the path at the spaces that did not have them or had less of them.
And you then guided your car by keeping your focus on the road that had less or no pot holes.
Because you understand that if you drove looking at what you wanted to avoid, that you would stear your vehicle right into the holes.
 
Correct?
 
Well sadness is the pot holes in this analogy.
You could put any feared emotion in it’s place and it would all equate out to the same concept.
 
When we try and fix our sadness by covering it up with different things,
we numb ourselves to the cause as well as the problem.
So we never solve the issue.
It’s kind like thinking that you can avoid the bumpy road by taking one hand and putting it over your eye’s while driving.
If you can’t see the path, pot holes and flat spaces then you will feel safer.
You won’t be scared to face the pot holes.
But you won’t be able to avoid them either.
 
And if you are wondering why sadness seem’s to grab you by your balls out of no where,
the answer is simple.
You are driving with your hand over your eye’s and expecting a clear path because of it.
 
You have not actually dealt with the core issue.
That core issue is always the same,
no matter the subject area of our world that we are sad about.
 
The core issue is that we are NOT in alignment with WHO WE REALLY ARE.
 
WTF! Does that even mean?
 
WHO WE REALLY ARE?
 
I am who I am, right?
Wrong.
 
And this is what sadness is trying to show you.
Sadness is not something to fear,
it is something to be grateful for.
It is a powerful teacher.
 
It show’s you exactly how out of alignment you are from your truth.
 
And your truth,
is the same as my truth,
the same as anyone else’s truth.
 
Your truth is this:
 
YOU ARE WORTHY.
Worthy of love.
Worthy of connection.
Worthy of happiness.
Worthy of well being.
Worthy of abundance.
 
And you don’t have to do or prove anything to be worthy.
You were born worthy.
 
All you have to do,
is have a bit of self-love and compassion.
You do these things by stepping out of the vitctim mode of fear and scarcity.
 
You are sad because you believe you cannot be happy unless you have ______________________ ( fill in the blank.)
 
You believe that in order to have this_____________,
that it must look/act/feel/show up like this ______________________________________________________________.
 
And you are wagering your happiness on it doing as you “think” it should,
instead of allowing it to be however it needs to be.
 
It’s your need to make it happen according to your programmed guidelines supported by your fear based thinking that is manifesting the emotion of sadness.
And you are stuck in this pot hole of sadness because you focused on the pot hole,
instead of what feels better.
 
Abraham Lincoln once said, “People are about as happy as they make thier minds to be.”
 
What he meant by this was that WE GET TO CHOOSE HOW HAPPY WE ARE.
 
And we gain power and a better emotional state of being by thinking bettter thoughts.
 
No one is forcing you to think what you are are thinking.
You get to choose your thoughts.
You get to choose your focus.
And when you run down a rabbit hole of sadness, ‘it’s up to you to catch yourself and shift your thoughts to something that feels better than what you are thinking currently.
 
Just level up your sad thinking to anger thinking.
Your anger thinking to blame thinking.
Your blame thinking to irritation thinking.
And keep moving up to your next best feeling thought.
Before you know it you will discover your true state of being again.
 
That being worthiness and love.
And there is no space in worthiness or love for all this fear based thinking.
 
So what is your next best feeling thought today?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want tolearn the steps to living a happy, fulfuilled life where you know your worthiness?
 
That is what the F-ck Yes! Life is all about luv.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching and events that can take you through this and help you Claim Your Life TODAY!