Is there “Life” in Your Years? Or Are You Just Shifting Paperwork?

Keeping it all together can be effing difficult,
can it not?
 
2020 has started with a BIG BANG,
and not the kind that equates to eye’s rolling in the back of your head as you gasp for air and claw at sheets while calling out OMG! in a state of orgasm or ecstasy.
 
The last ten days had been a roller coaster ride of emotions, events, must do’s, drama, hustle and a packed schedule plus a 23 hour road trip home from Tahoe to Dallas.
 
But I would not change it for the world.
And from the looks of my calander I would say that things are not going to chill out any time in the near future either.
 
Now I am a person who thrives in hustle and bustle.
I also thrive in calm and peace, with limited movement.
And I have learned that in order for me to be living at my maximum potential that I do best with a 70/30 split on these two.
 
Life has not always been like this though,
a little over a decade ago, maybe 13 or 14 years back,
(and thank you Facebook for your memories that you share)
I had more of the nothing happening then the hustle and bustle of todays busy schedule and family. What I also had more of was toxic thinking,
limited acting on goals and desires,
a feeling of lostness and emptiness,
a not knowing of self,
and limited “happy” moments.
 
Today, as I have been up since 5-AM and going strong,
I have been pondering this 70/30 balance of my current life and what it has to offer my desired dreams and lifestyle. What would I change? What do I crave more or less of?
Where am I not showing up the way that I want? Where am I allowing myself to be limited?
 
I was reminded by a quote I posted 9 years ago by Abraham Lincoln, ” And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
 
About the importance of remembering to LIVE.
 
It’s not even about the hustle and bustle as I call it,
because we can get caught up in this hustle and bustle and busy work and “think” that it is living when in fact we are just shifting papers on the desk of life and getting no where in a hurry.
 
Living is not about business.
Living is about breathing in the moments.
Feeling fulfilled, connected, happy, sad, orgasmic, empty, creative, adventurous.
 
Living is about FEELING life move through you.
And when we are just shifting papers on our desk of life,
we are not living.
Sure we may have a clean home and our bills paid.
We may have three masters degrees and all the fancy electronic devices known to man.
But can you say you feel fullfilled?
 
Most people cannot.
Most people feel lost and without life purpose.
Searching for the elusive thing called happiness.
And this is because they are not focusing on putting life into their years.
They are filling years with busy work.
 
So what can you do to not expereince this empty hustle and bustle but instead put life into your years?
 
You can start with these basic focal points:
🔥Get Clarity Into Who You Want To Be In Life-
Who do I want to become as a person, and what do I really want right now in my personal and professional life?
What areas of my lacking in and why?
Where do I feel certainty at in my life right now?
🔥Get Real About Your Energy Levels-
Do I have the physical stamina and vibrancy to accomplish my goals and feel energized about life every day?
What are major factors contributing to the way I feel?
🔥Check In On Your Personal Courage –
Where am I stepping up and leaning in on my edge right now in life? Wheree am I backing down?
🔥Get Real About What Your Productivity Really Is-
Where am I getting sucked into distraction?
Where am I holding my focus and crushing it with my dreams, desires and goals?
How can I get better?
🔥What Does Your Impact/Influence Say About Your Life-
Do I have the level of influence/respect/intimacy that I need and want to accomplish my goals and dreams with my family, lover, friends, business co-workers/partners or anyone that I need for support to make my dreams/goals happen?
What areas of my life am I lacking influence/impact/respect/intimacy in that I need to accomplish my desired life?
 
I don’t know about you,
but I want to CRUSH 2020.
I want to totally 💃💃💃 ROCK OUT the year!!!
 
And in order to do that I know that my CERTAINTY and CLARITY in myself and my desired outcome needs to be formulated.
 
That means that in reality,
there is no effing time for the busy work of shifting papers on my life desk.
There is ONLY time to focus on LIVING, EXPANDING and ENJOYING.
 
And the successful one’s know this.
We get it.
You may wonder how we do it?
How do we balance and harmonize family, business, spiritual, health, travel, romance and all the other little shiz,
it’s simple….
 
We focus on putting life into our years instead of getting caught up on the dust in the corners of the desk.
 
We focus on being present, active and taking NO EXCUSES.
Especially from ourselves.
 
We know what we want.
And we don’t just give it lip service.
We step the F-ck IN on our desires and MAKE THEM HAPPEN.
 
I want your 2020 to be effing AMAZING too.
 
🎉🎉Are you ready to make it a year full of living?🎉🎉
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Are you ready for a Year Of YOU?
Availble to a limited VIP group of powerful manifestors and individuals who want to rock out and Kick A*s in 2020 I am doing a private 1:1 opportunity to change your inner world to one of high vibration, focused intention, release of fear and self- sabotaging patterns, and development of abundance skills for life, love and money.
Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
Start of 2020 and activiating your Yes year to You by saying YES to this potent opportunity today.

Your F-ck Yes Life Depends on Your Flexibility and Willingness to Lean Into Your Edge.

I am going to be a guest on The Union – Real Talk About Personal Growth next week (January 14th). It’s been two years since my last appearance on the show and so much has changed in the course of that time.
 
This morning I finally got a moment to sit down and review some of the questions that was posted for us guests to reflect on.
 
I found myself in so much gratitude for the inquiry that was being offered as it allowed me to dig into this moment in time and where I am at, what I am currently being challeneged with.
 
The question that touched me at a deeper level than others asked was,
 
“What edge are you leaning into?”
 
I ask this question of my inner circle peep’s often, but sometimes admittedly, I forget to stop and inquire with myself on this topic.
 
Leaning into our edge is where we grow.
It’s where we expand ourselves.
It’s where we meet our soul.
And feel our heart.
 
Leaning into our edge in any area of our lives is what we all hunger for,
and typically feel this call to do just this around the turn of the new year.
 
It’s why we make the proclomations and affirmations that we do.
 
We set our intent with the DESIRE to lean into our edge and expand ourselves because we understand that without the leaning into our edge,
we can never have the life that calls to us.
 
But that edge is scary as F-ck!
Is it not?
 
It sounds so easy often to make changes,
we have this burning desire,
we have expereinced the consequences of where our current actions have gotten us and how it makes us feel,
the life path that we are currently on based on our ideas, views, beliefs and actions of yesterday,
and often we are not happy with where we are at or who we are in this moment.
 
We know that we are so much more.
And that this life of ours has so much more to give us.
 
So we hunger for change.
We desire personal development.
We crave healing.
 
And at our core,
at our core we get that the US of today cannot remain if we are to have the US of tomorrow that we want so badly for.
 
And so we lean.
Scared out of our minds,
our hearts race,
our tummies churn with anxiety.
We cautiously or hastely step forward hoping that we survive the ledge that we are on.
 
We fear falling.
We fear loosing.
We fear getting it wrong.
We fear not being accepted in our new skin.
We fear so much and it feels like we could die.
 
Many people in this leaning in back down from the ledge.
They slow their roll and get off the raggedy edge that shakes their internal cage of normalcy.
 
They step back into comfort.
Supported by excuses and good reasons as to why it’s just not time yet to make these changes.
 
Others, step a forward and pray that they survive.
Thinking to themselves that they can do it,
but doubting every step and looking at the potential risks with a passionate focus,
causing themselves to focus on the pain of change and development instead of bringing their attention to the beauty of the birth of themselves.
The raggedy edge shakes them,
and spins them until they are dizzy and exhausted.
Trying to hold onto the wheel of life they try to maintain course and control the outcome,
and then one day say,
“It’s not working!”
and lean back into the comfort of what they have always known.
 
And then there are others,
these others are CERTAIN of their SOUL guidance.
They are confident that the path is perfect and always leading them to a greater version of themselves.
Teaching them about the ebb and flow of life and how constriction leads to expansion.
They feel into all levels of emotion that rise from their own awakening into themselves and even though they may need to pause on the path to catch their breath,
they NEVER stop or turn back.
 
Pushing forward,
leaning further.
 
Allowing life to teach them the power of flexibility.
 
This is what today I came up with while jotting down my answers to the inquiries asked of me for next weeks show.
 
My realization is that this last decade,
and especially the last two or three years has shown me with great intensity the imporatnce of flexibility.
Of not getting caught up on anything and becoming ridgit to how I wish for anything to manifest or develop,
but instead to just breathe in the beauty of the transformation with certainty that it is moving me to my highest and best.
 
I bring this inquiry to you today as well.
And I ask you to really sit with the question,
 
“What edge are you leaning into?”
 
And if you have no edge,
then ask why no edge?
What am I fearing from leaning in?
And how is this serving me to be the person that I know that I can be and to have the life that I want so badly for?
 
Your power will be birthed from your flexibility in your mind and thoughts, your heart and emotions, your physical body and how you choose to move in it.
 
Lean with faith.
God/Universe has your back.
Trust in that calling you feel.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Are you ready for a Year Of YOU?
Availble to a limited VIP group of powerful manifestors and individuals who want to rock out and Kick A*s in 2020 I am doing a private 1:1 opportunity to change your inner world to one of high vibration, focused intention, release of fear and self- sabotaging patterns, and development of abundance skills for life, love and money.
Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
Start of 2020 and activiating your Yes year to You by saying YES to this potent opportunity today.

The State Of You and Your Business.

Your business.
My business.
God’s business.
 
If we could only keep this in mind in our relationships, work and life expereinces.
Life becomes so much more pleasent and in flow when we live according to this understanding about business.
 
As we start off this new year,
this new decade I am already being faced with so many people coming to me caught up in the nets of anothers business,
or that of God’s.
The desire is to try and to control an outcome of something that makes one feel nervouse or frustrated because it is not happening the way they “think it should go,” but the reality is that 80% of the business happening in our lives in all subject areas, we have zero control over because it is not actually our business but that of another individual or that of God.
 
Now our ego may try and brainwash us into the idea that we can control it,
that our opinion, ideas, judgements and fears mean something in the face of the events happening,
but the reality is the opposite.
 
I use to give way to many f-cks over other people’s business or that of God’s.
I would get my panties in a wad over so many things and find myself sitting in frustration, suffering, fear, worry and exhaustion from it all.
I believed that my state of worry and desire to change things or people was worth something to me,
worth something to others,
to life or the outcome.
 
It took seven children and two ex husbands to teach me otherwise plus a a couple lovers who openned me up to the reality that all I was ever in charge of or had any amount of control over was ME.
 
My business.
 
And what is the “my business” portion of this life?
 
My business is really simple.
And the simplicity is what allows us to let go of all the chains of the need to control.
Keeping it simple is how we access our natural state of flow and well-being.
 
The state of My Business is:
👉Staying present within self and the moment.
👉Recognizing that we are all individuals that have free will and make our own choices.
👉Realizing that your need to control is a fear based reaction.
👉Realize that the ONLY things that you can control are your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
👉Underestand that a request that you make is just that, a request, not a commandment or law.
👉Know that you are the ONLY one that can make YOU happy. Happiness is an inside event first.
👉Know that you are NOT responsible for any other person’s thoughts, feelings or actions on this planet.
👉Know that everything happens for a reason and that even sometimes hardest of events is teaching each player a valuable lesson of their own.
👉Know that God does not expect you to fix it for everyone or have all the answers. Just to look within and know you are worthy of a good life and of love.
 
I still get caught up in the desire to control events and other people’s reactions or actions.
I still get caught up in the concept that I am responsible some how for what another person chooses to do,
as if I forced them into the action or feeling by doing something on my side.
I still fear loosing people in my life by stepping forward and just being me and not getting caught up in their shiz.
I still fear looking aloof,
like I do not care or love because I am choosing to do me instead of getting lost in someone else’s business.
 
But, I am here to share with you on this beautiful January morning in 2020 that all of that and more,
most likely anything that you can come up with for a reason as to how you are ceratin that you CAN ACTUALLY control something or someone,
or that you “should” sit and worry about anothers actions, ideas, etc.
are all in reality based in fear.
Based in your ego.
And are only there not because you care so much about the other or event,
but that at your core you are fearful of what it means to you.
How it will imapct you.
And what you are loosing because of this event or action.
 
It is a YOU based action to worry.
It is a YOU based action to control.
It is a YOU based action to get your panties in a wad over what someone said, did, etc.
 
And all of this is keeping YOU seperated from your happiness.
Seperated from your SOUL truth.
 
How do I know this?
Because worry feels like shit.
 
Because fear is not of our soul or of God.
Because power may feel good in the essence of having it for a moment,
but it bares with it the void of true connection, love and acceptance.
All the things that every human being desires.
 
The Business of YOU need not go any futher than the acceptance of the reality that YOU can only control YOU.
 
And the most loving thing you can do for another,
the most powerful impact that you can have on an event,
is to KNOW YOUR TRUTH.
 
Know who you are and what you are charge of.
 
Anything else is an opinion based on your life expereinces and perception which is not like any other soul on this planet.
Anything else is based on your own fears, programmed thoughts and views, hopes, desires and can never be expected to be like any other person’s.
You have no effing clue what anyone is ever feeling, thinking or what they have actually lived.
You have no concept of the path that God has set up for anyone or what thier life lessons are.
 
But by trying to step into the midst of anothers business or that of God’s you block your own truth,
your own happiness and abundance.
You cause speration.
And seperation does not feel good.
 
It feels like worry.
It feels like fear.
It feels like you are out of control.
It feels like you have lost.
It feels like a disappointment.
It feels like you are being emptied out and tied up.
 
This is not your true state of being.
 
And if you make the choice to stay in your own business from this moment forward the best you can and when you accidently step into anothers business or God’s out of an old habit to just pause and step back out of it and back into what you can have impact on,
 
Your business.
You will discover an inner peace.
A love like you have never known before.
Self- love.
And through this your reactions and ability to connect will forever be changed.
 
I wish you a year of YOU.
A year of a powerful you.
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Are you ready for a Year Of YOU?
Availble to a limited VIP group of powerful manifestors and individuals who want to rock out and Kick A*s in 2020 I am doing a private 1:1 opportunity to change your inner world to one of high vibration, focused intention, release of fear and self- sabotaging patterns, and development of abundance skills for life, love and money.
 
Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
 
Start of 2020 and activiating your Yes year to You by saying YES to this potent opportunity today.

Your New Decade Will Go How You Want It Too. Gauranteed.

Happy New Decade!
2020 is HERE! I am so excited and I got to ring in the new year just outside of Tahoe.
This year is more than just a another New Year.
It is a New Decade.
It is the start of the roaring 20’s all over again.
Just think about it.
A hundred years ago, the world went into the roaring 20’s and we the people wanted to know oursleves more. We wanted to set ourselves free from our bondage in different ways.
Women started speaking out more.
War was in the back drop,
people were struggling from a shit economy state.
Things were in upheaval,
but the people,
the people wanted for more.
And even in the midsst of everything going on in the world,
they craved MORE.
And they wanted laughter.
They wanted fun.
They wanted connection.
And they had something that many of us today struggle with.
 
They had DETERMINATION and a FAITH.
That it could happen.
That life could be better.
And they were willing to work for a better life.
 
Here we are yet again in an era where there is struggle,
war, a change in governments, uncertainty.
The rich get richer,
the poor get poorer,
and many cast their eye’s downward in fear of today and tomorrow.
 
But you do not have to be among these who fear.
You can CHOOSE differently.
You can walk your own path.
You can have an aundant life.
A turned on life.
A life where you live by your soul’s calling,
and your hearts desire.
You can.
 
I know it is possible, ‘because I have done it myself.
I have come from out of my inner depths of fear and worry.
I have learned how to face my inner dragons and not slay them but rule them and use them for what they were intended.
 
To give us a choice.
To provide us with certainty in who we are.
To teach us about our light.
 
This year is a new dacade.
It is YOUR decade love.
But you cannot have a decade of all your soul’s desires if you don’t set the tone for calling it in RIGHT NOW.
 
You have been given the free will to have the life that you want.
And that simply means to realize that you are powerful.
Your thoughts, actions and feelings determine your life.
 
Be aware in 2020 of your power.
Be aware of your TRUE feelings about things,
and act from there.
Be aware of the thoughts that you get lost in when you are daydreaming,
are you day dreaming or day nightmaring?
You have a choice.
 
But FIRST…..
You must make that choice love.
You must OWN your WORTH.
And want for that future in the roaring 20’s of now like there is no tomorrow.
But,
wanting is not enough.
You must FEEL what you want as though you already have it.
You must think the thoughts that you who has that life would be thinking.
You must be taking ACTION like the you who is already living that life would be taking.
And you MUST…
you absolutely MUST say YES! to your SOUL.
Without doubt.
Without fear of others judgements.
 
This decade is for YOU my love.
OWN it.
 
2020 demands that you have 2020 vision into what you desire for.
Into the person that you want to be and that you must become in order to have the life that you want for.
 
2020 requires YOU to be a YES to YOU.
Are you ready?
 
Let’s get goin…
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Make thi sdecade GREAT by being a YES TO YOU.
 
Message me for deet’s on my 2020 January Special for A Year of Me!

Stop Lieing To Yourself- You Are Poly-monogomish FOREVER!

Poly-monogomish FOREVER!
Can’t help it.
Just the way I am wired.
This identification does not mean that I won’t be monogamous.
It does not mean I will cheat or get bored.
It does not mean that I believe I need more
or are unhappy in anyway.
It simply means that I love relationship.
Value intimacy.
And stand firm with my integrity.

It means that those I choose to be in relationship with hold an eternal and special space in my heart.
That if my soul leads me to engage in any fashion,
To explore another being however called too,
That I embrace this pull and understand that it is perfect and meant to be, without question.

Many believe that to be polyamorous means that you desire sex with multiples.
That you are dating and being physically intimate with many.
But what polyamorous truly means is to have love and to embrace love and relationship with more than one.
Anyone who has more that one child,
Has more than one friend,
Loves both parents,
And all thier siblings,
Is engaging in a polyamorous loving.

Many years ago a dear friend of mine looked at me and said,
” You are living a polyamorous lifestyle in everyway but your sex. Perhaps you should explore it.”

His words rang so very true to my core.
And he was accurate in his view.
So I ventured onto the sexual path of polyamory and all it could intale.

Now this is not a personal share of the romance, sexing and relations of multiple lovers.
Its also not a share on how amazing polyamory is or how fucked up it can be.

But it is a share on acceptance.
On embracing who you are at your core regardless of what the norms of society say they should be.
Its a post on knowing yourself enough to allow your own happiness to flow.
And to even ASK for it.

Its a share based on living authentically.
In integrity.
And not just using these words because they feel good or make you sound like an awakened soul.
No.
But to actually LIVE by them.

Yes what I share here is about living in conscious surrender to your HAPPINESS.

And to communicate your needs.
To communicate where you are at in any relationship.
Its a share about what loving self and having self respect really means.
Its a share about your truth.
Its about you not wanting to accept that you are polyamorous just like me.
The only difference is your lack in comfort to speak what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And your unwillingness to see WHO YOU ARE.
Living blind to all the love that you give.
To all the people that you care about.
That you are in relationship with.
Or that you wish to someday be.

Yes I am poly- monogamous ALWAYS.
I am polyamorous in my life in all ways.
Those seen and those only felt.
I make a decision in moments of my relationship experience to be monogamous or not.
But the S-E-X,
the sex never has anything to do with it.
Outside of a desire to connect, be seen, or enjoy self or another at a more raw level.
Its never about the orgasm.
Its always about the love.
The connection.
The happiness.

And the greatest happiness and deepest connection comes from integrity.

Integrity with self.
With God.
And with others.

The ultimate self love and respect as well comes from this place of not hiding.
Not story telling.
But breathing in ones own TRUTH.

And when we can do this.
We can also elevate our relationships.
Our love.
Our sex.
Our understanding.

As Always
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

Message me for my unannounced Holiday 1:1 Special Now.

What You Are Accpeting For Your Norm, Is NOT Who You Are.

It’s not your NORM.
But it feels like it is.
It may be common,
it may be abundant in your life,
But I swear to you…

It’s not your NORM.

And what am I referring too?
I am referring to that feeling of anger.
That feeling of fear.
That feeling of judgment, bitterness, shame, guilt,
Or even questioning.

Your worry is not normal.
Your suffering is not normal.
No matter how prevalent it may seem,
It’s still is not your NORM.

I tell you this with certainly,
That when you feel out of sorts,
when you are caught in negative emotion,
When you feel rageful, vengeful and vindictive.
This is not normal.
This is not who you are.

You sit in such comfort with your chronic ideas of what just is. Accepting life for how you have been told to view it. You watch your life drift by never fully engaging with ALL that you are.

Always searching for happiness,
But only ever gaining small morsels of it at best.

Believing that the drama is normal.
That its just how life is.

But you KNOW at your core its not true.
You know because you are looking for who you are always. You feel the seperation from your truth.
From your SOUL.

There is this strange calling inside of you.
A feeling of something more.
A sensation of your greatness.
But you are trapped under the misery that feels like the reality you must live.

It’s not your NORM.
Your norm is that of love.
Of feeling good.

Now that may sound a bit 60’s flowers child for you.
A little too new age even.
But its the actual truth of who you are and what your state of normal is to be and always is at your SOUL level.
The discord you feel is simply because you are not looking at any given situation through the eyes of God or SOUL. You are viewing it from the disadvantage point of forgetfulness of who YOU ARE.

You have turned your back and closed your eyes to love and THIS is what is causing your worry, fear and suffering.

But there is blessing in your pain

The blessing is the lesson of learning what you do mot want from life and the building of desire for what you do want.

All you need do to embrace the life you want so badly for is to STOP ACCEPTING this ill state of feeling.
Stop allowing yourself to fall prey to what you have always perceived as normal and instead see it for the blessing that it is.

There to reveal to you that you are out of alignment with SOUL.

That you are buying into a faulse reality instead of what is true and you are putting value on things that do not matter nearly as much as you believe.

Soul is not upset about that car cutting you off on the highway.
Soul is not upset that your child drew on the wall.
Soul is not upset that your spouse is not acting the way you want or think you need.
Soul is not upset that the government is doing what it is doing or that your friends said the things they said.

Soul knows that all happens for a reason.
That each event in life is stepping you closer to what you want and that the ONLY thing holding you back is this crazy concept of what you call normal.

Are you ready to embrace the truth?
Are you ready to finally say YES TO SOUL?
Then take the step needed.
The only step ever needed and let go of upur suffering.
Your worry and fear.
Your regrets and your shame.
Let go of your needing someone or something to be different then what it is.
Let go of your you negative vibe.
And JUST LET YOUR HEART BE FELT.
Your soul lead.

You know who you are.
Be you.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “`

I AM POWERFUL… But I Can’t Do THAT.

I AM POWERFUL.
I AM THE CREATOR OF MY WORLD.
I AM MY OWN BOSS.
I AM ALIGNED.
 
BUT….
I can’t do that.
 
Yeah THAT thing that you suggested.
THAT thing that scares me a little, that shakes my soul.
THAT thing that is calling me.
THAT thing that is appealing, that pulls me, but cost money.
THAT thing where I step out of this comfort.
THIS comfort of all that I AM.
THIS comfort that holds me right here, in the NOW.
THIS eternal NOW.
This eternal NOW that I desepratly crave to change,
because it does not feed me.
It does not satsify my soul.
It is NOT me.
And yet, I AM.
 
I AM…
 
I cannot say it.
I will not admit it.
I will avoid it at all cost.
Instead let’s discuss my limitations.
Hear my plea for these beautiful, justifiable limitations.
You see them.
You see my struggle.
You know I am not making these up.
 
Yes these are what rule me.
These are my obstacles.
These are my burdens, my wounds and my chains.
Yes, that is the comfort that I cannot let go of.
That is the comfort that I will argue for.
That is what I CHOOSE for my NOW.
 
BUT…
I can’t do that.
 
I can’t do this.
I can’t.
 
Do you understand?
Do you see my struggle.
Do you feel my soul, my heart.
 
I want so badly to be aligned.
I crave to have the life that I know is for me.
I want to feel my power.
My worthiness.
I want to love myself.
I want to be SEEN.
 
THIS expression of me that I AM right now,
THIS is not me.
And yet, it is.
 
Because I allow it.
Beacause I am use to it.
It is familiar.
It is safe,
even in its misery,
it is still all I know.
And therefore I believe that it is so.
When you tell me that I can be so much more than THIS.
When you look through to my CORE,
and you witness my light and smile,
I want to run and at the same time I want to strip myself further down,
to be fully revealed.
To embrace ALL THAT I AM.
 
And this finite version of me that I am familiar with and allow all to see,
this version it needs to be embraced and expanded.
I do not long to run from this version,
to hide it, or destroy it,
but to encorporate it into all THAT I AM.
 
It’s funny is it not?
But it is already so.
I AM already every piece of what I desire to be.
There is no encorporation to achieve.
But instead all that is required,
all that ever is required,
is to ALLOW.
 
And to KNOW….
THAT I AM POWERFUL.
 
But in order to fully become what I already AM….
I must let go all the practicle defiance of all THAT I AM.
 
And that means I must STOP making excuses.
I must own WHO I AM.
I must FEEL my worthiness without a need to prove anything.
I must step forward and push these false boundaries of time, money and space.
Of health, support and focus.
 
Yes.
I must command my universe to open itself to my expansion.
I must step forward into trusting all THAT I AM.
And NOW…
NOW I KNOW.
 
I must make what is familiar unfamiliar,
and what is unfamiliar familiar.
 
THIS…
THIS is my path.
 
I AM POWERFUL.
NO MORE EXCUSES- JUST ACCEPTANCE.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
It’s time for you to say yes to who you really are beautiful. It s time for you to commit to who you are,
to your soul and say YES.
Let’s work together 1:1 to bring you into the next decade of your life, the next year of your life fully embodied and activated.
Message me for deets on 1:1 coaching now.

#1 Strategy to Deepening Any Relationship.

He held me in his vulnerability.
His heart racing.
His hands with a soft tremble.
I could feel heat radiating from his chest as he pressed firmly but in love into me.
His breath softly crossing over my neck as his face found itself burried in my long hair.
 
It was his vulnerability.
And yet it was ours.
 
There we stood,
embraced in a deeply connective hug under the stary sky.
The crisp air rustling the leaves as crickets chirped.
 
My soul was taking it all in.
It was a precious moment.
A moment of depth,
of truly connecting,
of holding space and of witnessing.
 
Not many words were needed,
the energy told everything.
And it was the energy of truth.
It was the energy of revealing.
It was the energy of unconditional love and acceptance.
 
The wounds that merged our souls,
the sharing that brought on this moment,
it was all as it should be.
And there we were,
two individuals,
barely knowing each other,
yet KNOWING one another deeper than we were willing to share with most.
 
My heart found gratitude,
my mind was silent.
There was no fear in this moment.
There was no blame or guilt,
no shame.
It was just a moment of acceptance.
 
Of BEING.
 
And so it was.
 
This moment was a lifetime connective piece to this relationship.
And the best thing was,
we both felt it.
 
Yet so many relationships,
of all labels never expereince this and if they do,
things tend to get a little weird after such a moment in time.
We suffer from what is known as vulnerability hangover,
where we have risked allowing our softer side, or our insecurities, fears, or what we perceive as weaknesses to be seen and then we wake up and feel SHAME for the reveal of our depths.
 
And that is what true vulnerability is,
uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
 
But if we desire like Berne Brown speaks of,
greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
 
And this is seen just in this little tale of mine.
This lovely soul allowed himself to be exposed.
He risked revealing his emotional state,
and he did it because his soul wanted to be witnessed, ‘to be truly seen and held.
 
He stepped out with courage and desire,
and allowed for his vulnerability to be the path of connection in this moment.
 
And because he did so,
he gave us both the gift of authentic relating.
Of being able to come together in our humanness and hold each others hearts.
 
He created the space to receive grace.
Grace for self.
Grace for and from another,
thus grace from God.
Who asks us to love unconditionally,
ourselves,
our neighbours,
and to step forward in certainty,
with hearts of children.
 
And children are deeply couragous in their vulnerabilty.
 
As children we inately understand that in order to grow,
to transform and to connect that we must allow ourselves to be seen,
with no shame as to how we are being percieved,
with no judgment for what we are wanting or not wanting,
for how we are feeling.
As children,
we just are.
And in that state of being we dare to state our truth in any given moment.
But as we grow into adults,
we loose touch with the value of being seen.
We instead replace it with the normalcy of fearing what others will think.
We run too and fro,
never feeling like we are enough,
and believing that running in the hustle is the way to achieve this elusive thing called happiness.
 
And so we hide.
We mask and we cover ourselves in shrouds of uncertainty.
Pretending that we are untouchable.
That we are strong.
That we do not need help.
That we have it all figured out.
And we shake our heads at those let themselves be seen.
We believe that eotional displays are a sign of weakness.
 
All the while craving,
hungering for thi svery connection.
Wanting for nothing mpre than to be understood.
 
Vulnerability.
Can it be?
The thing,
the thing that must be birthed in order for us to no longer be chasing happiness and fulfillment,
and instead,
JUST BE IT.
 
 
Yes my beautiful,
here is what you do not want to hear,
but your soul knows true.
 
Taking the steps in vulnerabilty,
and allowing yourself to be held,
is the leaning into the path that leads to your joy.
 
I ask you today,
where can you show a deeper piece of yourself,
and lift the mask that you wear?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to access that breathtaking life where you have clarity and certainty in the steps that you are called toward?
 
Ready to level up your relationships, money and life?
Let’s chat about 1:1 coaching opportunities now.
Global coaching opportunities.

TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

WHY I DO SEX DAILY.

WHY I DO SEX DAILY….
 
I have sex almost daily.
It’s just my THING.
I do sex daily yes because I love sex,
but more so for what sex gives me.
And I am not referring to the mind blowing orgasms that only happen here and there.
 
Okay so it’s truth time folks,
yes ME,
the sex expert and coach that helps thousands of people have better and more sex DOES NOT have mind blowing, earth shaking orgasm daily.
Actually most days, its pretty meh…
The sex is just normal,
and even boring at times.
But I still do sex almost daily,
and some days if the opportunity presents itself two or three times.
 
Just a week ago I spent about 7 hours out of 24 having sex.
Now that was yummy.
But why was it yummy?
Why did I want to have 7 hours of sex?
or have it daily, especially if I am not having mind blowing sex or even an orgasm most of the time?
 
The simple truth is that SEX ignites my creative juices.
Sex allows me a medative state, no matter the outcome to work on embodying myself,
sex allows me practice time to get out of my head and FEEL myself at a deep level.
I get to practice letting go,
I get to practice vulnerability,
I get to practice surrender,
I get to see where I am challenged and through the rhythm of my sex,
the consistent allowance of letting myself feel and stepping away from the idea of cumming,
but just BEING instead,
I get to connect to my CORE and thus feel my partner at a deeper level.
 
I have discovered through the years,
that our SEX is linked to so many things.
Self-confidence,
self-love,
boundaries,
ability to receive and give,
thinking patterns,
fear,
DESIRE,
passion,
VITALITY,
a feeling of freedom,
a feeling of peace,
centeredness,
physical well-being,
mental well-being,
and expanded spiritual depth.
 
To just name a few.
Yet we are taught to shame our sex,
to hide from it,
to ignore it,
to STARVE IT.
We are taught that our sex is evil.
And that it should only be used to make babies, or relieve stress QUICKLY.
 
And this way of thinking about our sex,
has us shut down,
fearful,
and not having sex.
It has us feeling disconnected from life, ourselves and the people we love.
It has us feeling insecure and angry,
depressed and lost.
And it has us trying to achieve what we have a void in through any means possible.
It has us acting out and traumatizing ourselves and others.
 
Instead of loving ourselves,
being responsible,
compassionate,
mature people,
we are like caged, starving, beaten wild animals.
This is what our world has become when we DO SEX.
And it’s all because we have such a limited, repressed view and understanding of this beautiful gift from God.
 
Sex and finances are the top two reasons marriages break up.
Sex actually out weights money,
because when the sex is crap,
when the sex is disconnected and toxic,
when sex is just about the get off,
then you have a partner being used and abused.
You have trauma setting in and the relationship is TOXIC.
No amount of money can heal that.
That is all about embodiment.
That is all about connection.
 
And you can ONLY CONNECT to your partner if you know how to connect to yourself first.
 
THAT IS WHY I DO SEX DAILY.
 
The consistent practice of leaning more into ME.
 
How does your sex feel to you?
Connected and deep?
Expansive and full?
or shallow, empty and about the release?
 
Want to learn how you have beautiful sexing all the time and access these states of peace, joy and connection.
Enjoy intimacy no matter what is going on in your life?
Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 coaching available globally today.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”