You know the lie.
It’s that lie that you tell yourself everyday of the week, sometimes twice on Sunday because your dreading the following morning.
Yes that lie.
The lie that all you have to do to be happy is:
- Work Hard
- Get Good Grades
- Get into a Great College
- Get a Job
- Make Money
- Buy a House and Car
- Get Married
And Voilà Your HAPPY!
I am writing this article because I have a son graduating this year from high school. He is feeling such a tremendous amount of pressure from his peers, teachers, and counselors around HAVING to have his whole life planned out. None of them understand how he can not have a life plan yet. Some are even deeply concerned about his future and ability to do anything “worth while” because he has no plan other than to survive the rest of this school year.
I suppose they are all right, after all he is considered an adult now at age 18. He has had a sufficient amount of years on this earth to know who he is, what he wants and how to go about getting it. All the other seniors are making their life plans and sending in college applications for education in the industry of their hearts desire or at least have decided on a career path that will pay them well and they will be successful at.
So WTF is wrong with my kid?
Such a looser he is. Not having any of this stuff figured out.
Funny thing ya know, he is actually planning on packing his bag and moving to Maui, planning on hiking, diving, surfing and enjoying his feet in the sand. Planning on reading books he loves, and just hanging out and embracing life as it comes to him, moment by moment.
The ONLY issue with this plan of his, is that is DOES NOT fit the societal norm of SUCCESS.
And how the hell can anyone be happy if they don’t have a college degree? or 100k in debt? or are not getting up five days a week working for the man?
There is no freaking’ way someone can be legitimately happy just living life without ALL that!
No instead of all that my son has decided that he will work in the food industry while he learns more about himself and life. While he discovers what his passion is. He has decided that he would make some small investments into crypto currency and learn about flipping properties. Although he does have a passion for art and could easily also look at becoming a tattoo artist if he desired as well. Maybe he will do all of it? Maybe he will do none?
What he does know is that the way the average minded person works hard, goes into debt and gives away their life is NOT what he wants.
He knows that although his passion is with the ocean and marine life that what he really wants to do would take him until he was 40 to get the position he wants and he most likely would end up settling somewhere along the line for something much less than his hearts desire because he “had too.” After all life happens and with it come responsibilities.
Then life becomes all about duty.
Duty to pay the bills.
Duty to take care of the house and car.
Duty to get up and go and make someone else rich.
Duty to be a good person.
Duty to get into a serious relationship.
Duty to make your spouse happy.
Duty, duty, duty!
And then you die!
That is it. That is all this whole existence is about. Doesn’t that sound wonderful. Yes, so I guess he had best have that life plan in order in the next 8 weeks, before life comes charging after him and making him surrender to it’s will of living without passion, without true love, without purpose and without happily ever after.
Yep he had best just stand up and be a man and do what all young men do. Make their parents proud by doing what they are told and getting into the right college and then the right job. The job that will suck the very life from his vein’s and make him wish Monday would never come again.
Well NOT MY KID!
Guess it is the curse of having a mom who parents like God. I will love him no matter what he chooses to do and I know for certain that he can do anything he puts his mind too. I also know for certain that the lie that we have all been told is just that: A LIE.
I know this because I thought it was truth and I beat myself up for many years not feeling worthy because I had not done what the world said I should do. Instead I ended up becoming a young mother, married early and struggling. It was not a shock as to why I was struggling. I had not followed the plan above. And then, then I started to paint the picture of the plan and follow it some and guess what?
I was still struggling.
I was still unhappy.
I had the job. The house. The husband. The car.
And the debt.
I was being a good citizen. A good friend, daughter, mother, and spouse.
So why was I not happy yet?
I was not living for me.
I was not being me.
I was FAKING it all!
Just Like you are. Yep I am calling you out on this RIGHT NOW. I bet that you are within the 85%-90% of the population that is faking their lives. I bet that you dread going to bed on Sunday and getting up on Monday. I bet that you live for the 5 o’clock hour. You live for weekends, vacations and holidays. I bet that you have your responsibilities taken care of and that you feel like a ATM machine for your kids and family. I bet that you wish you could do something else, but believe that you could never do it because it would not pay the bills.
Last thing you want is to be irresponsible.
I bet that even though you have that debt, that you are pretty comfortable with it because that debt is a sign that you went to school, got a degree and did it right. It is a sign that you bought the house and the car. It is a sign that you bought the furniture and have credit! Woohoo!!!! for credit.
It is a sign that you are a effing ADULT and your adulting the right way too, damn it!
But does this mean your happy?
Seriously, ask yourself this now.
AM I HAPPY?
Am I happy?
Well, are you?
I feel you. I feel that stomach ache. The tension in your neck and shoulders. The mild headache coming on and the fear and the desire for happiness.
Face it you were designed for more.
That is why your not happy with just settling for paying your bills and being responsible. You were designed for greatness!
The only thing STOPPING you from this greatness.
Yes, actually NO. That is the issue, you keep saying NO to yourself. You keep saying that you can’t, that your not worth it, that your not smart enough. That you should not want more. That it is stupid to want more. To be more.
The issue is that you BELIEVE the lie still and you are WAITING for happiness to come from this lie.
The TRUTH BABY is this, that if you want happiness, then you are going to have to CREATE it.
And it DOES NOT come from living a small life, where you have settled for the lie. No it comes from you EMBRACING who you are.
Embracing that you were born WORTHY.
Embracing that you are POWERFUL.
Embracing that it is NOT what you choose to do as a career, but who you choose to be as a person.
Embracing your joy.
Embracing your YES!
And consistently asking yourself, “What makes me happy?”
Consistently, seeking out new layers of yourself and being curious in life.
Buying the Bullsh*t Lie that we have all been told since we were small, buying into the pain, the suffering, the “worker bee” mentality of average and ordinary, will NEVER make you happy.
So when will you start to say YES to your dreams?
To your heart?
To your joy?
To your happiness?
When will you START to be a F*ck YES to the Most IMPORTANT person you know- YOU?
I hope you say that today is your lucky day.
Because I believe in you.
And so does God.