TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

Today is a really interesting day for me.
It marks my one year of one of the most traumatic events I have had happen in a relationship so far. It also marks my one year of a massive transformation period, new growth and opportunity blended with trauma and needed healing.

Today I sit here at Starbucks after dropping my youngest son off to his father ( the man I fell out of relationship a year ago today).
It was brutal to drop him off today.
My heart actually still hurts from this mornings exchange.

Our son age four, ran to the back seat of my car as we pulled into daddy’s driveway and he screamed, “I don’t want to go to daddy’s house.” he got so frustrated, clung to the rear seat with all the force his little body could muster and screamed, “No Mommy.”

I grabbed him up, hugged him. Told him that I loved him and that I would see him later today and then he would be back at mommy’s house on Wednesday. He clung to my neck and fought profusely to hold on to me as his father took him out of my arms.

I never wanted any of this for my baby.
I don’t believe that any of us parents ever want this sort of emotional pain on our children. I don’t believe that my ex desires this trauma to come up on our son either.
And yet it still falls here.

Today, I find myself sitting here upset at my son’s pain.
Wishing I could do more for him.
Wishing that us adults who have brought this on him could have communicated better about what we wanted from each other and how we wanted out of our relationship before it came to violence as it did and a nasty, terrorizing breakup that will last a life time for our children emotionally not to mention the physical repercussions that are still being dealt with for myself.

I sit here still wondering how I could not have realized more so as to where my ex was at.
Wondering why he had to act out in violence and rage the way he did one year ago today.
Why it was so important for him to push me and all the children away with such extreme measures.
Why could he just not simply say that he wanted out and we move onto separate paths in peace and harmony, working together for the greatest good of all the children and each other.

I knew he was unhappy in our relationship.
I knew he wanted out.
He did not even desire to want to spend 30 minutes a week with me alone even though this had become a consistent request and desire of mine. He could not stomach to sit by me and watch TV, he wanted nothing to do with cuddling or sex that was two sided, only wanted to get off and be done. Would roll away in disgust after pushing me away like trash after he had reached climax.
He became rageful with friends and emotionally and physically aggressive toward his step-children. He was hateful and I told myself that he was stressed about work, money, health, anything but the truth was what I proclaimed.

The signs were there.
They were in front of my blind eyes and desire to make it all work for us.
The more committed I became to our relationship and requested time and connection,
the more he pushed away in anger.

And now,
a year later I see the truth.
I see his pattern that he had to enforce.
I see the pain that he must be in.
And I am grateful that even though that was a brutal time and experience,
even though there is still much healing that needs done for self and children.

I am grateful that I never lost who I was,
I never lost love,
I never lost my family or friends,
and I can do the healing and I understand at a deep level the power of emotions,
the importance of knowing self and NOT hiding from myself and feelings.
I am grateful that I was given a powerful opportunity last year to stand up and be 100% me.
The last year has offered me so many blessings that would have never come about had he not caved to his patterns and needs to push love away, to push so hard that he was the one to be abandoned in the experience by everyone. To repeat the trauma from his youth. And to create an experience that supported his belief that the feminine always leaves him.

I see now how he had to push that hard.
I am too stubborn to leave when I still love.
I believed it could be fixed,
I believed that he was not lying when he said that he loved me more than anyone else.
I strangely believed in us and in him.

But today,
today I stand in gratitude for the 7 years of learning,
of experience and growth,
for the birth of my two youngest angels that i would not trade for anything.

Today I stand here in gratitude for his push.
Busted up body and everything,
it was worth it.
Because I found my true strength.
I found my heart.
My SOUL.
And tapped into allowing myself, to be me without needing another.
There is great beauty in the darkest of clouds if you allow yourself to see it and you allow time to step you back far enough to see the whole sky and it’s beauty.

Life is one BIG TRUST EXERCISE.
And today,
I am reminded of the trust and faith that I had to muster up at one of my lowest, scariest points in life so far.
Today, I choose to focus on that reminder.
To focus on the gratitude and the opportunities that have come from this event, like any event in our lives.
Today I choose to look at my blessed life.
The steady massive love that I experience from family, friends and the wonderful man I have in my life currently.
The AMAZING tribe that I have developed and all the growth that I am seeing in my business and life.
The wealth of connection, joy and the laughter that resides in my home daily that was not there a year ago or before.
My creativity at an all time high.
The beauty and bounty that is in each step on this journey.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to the man that tossed me to the side last year, who tried to destroy me and all that we had built together.
From that rubble grew a rose garden.

MY ROSE GARDEN.

Thank you for my pain.
Thank you for my suffering.
Thank you for the trauma.
Thank you for the goodbye.
I am so effing happy with my life TODAY!

My question to you that I share this with today is,
what are you doing with your trauma, drama and pain? Does it hold you back or build you up?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.

I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.

But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.

Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.

Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.

What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?

You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

Childhood Sexual Abuse Is More Real Than You Want To Acknowledge, and So You Hide.

I just want to say that our system is F-CKED!!!!
I mean seriously f-cked.

Today I write with a heart that is frustrated, upset and emotional.

Today my heart goes out to all those who have experienced or who know that abuse is happening and can do nothing about it.

The victims.
The one’s who want to protect, but find their hands tied.
Yes I feel you.
I see you.
I know the troubled heart that you carry.
There is nothing worse then to witness abuse of any sort happening and be told you cannot do a damn thing about it.
To hear the cries.
To see the bruises.
and be told that its not real.

Sit down and brace yourselves.
I am going to share an intimacy from my day,
an intimacy that is not fun,
is not humorous,
and most certainly not just.

I have family that is being abused.
Sexually abused.
Three little boys,
age 2, 4 and 5 who are being physically abused,
sexually abused, starved, beaten, left with a known predator and their cries are IGNORED.

By their mother,
their grandparents,
extended family,
the police.
CPS.
Attorneys just want money,
no care as to child well being.
Everyone who knows says, ” I don’t want to get involved.”

And so the abuse continues.
And so the trauma continues.
And these boys,
these boys now hide with their horror that their uncle brings to them each week.
Now they learn that it is okay,
“He is your uncle, we love him, he can do what he wants.”

WTF!!!!!
Our system is F-CKED!!!!

And for those who think this could not happen in this day and age,
I promise you this is a true story.
This man who is doing this has a record,
it was before he was 18 years old so no one knows of it.
It is ignored.
As if by some miracle that when he turned 18 things would change his sick mental state of being.
His distorted hunger.

Who the f-ck plays “the penis game” with kids?
What sort of adult man,
or any adult for that matter,
takes little boys and bites their penis as a f-cking game?

Sick a*shole!

It is rare that I find such disgust for anyone,
but today I sit here after such great hope that CPS would see the light with this being a third report,
sweep in and do something.
At least prevent further abuse till the judge could settle things between the parents,
but no.

They choose to disregard.
To claim there is no abuse.
That its crying wolf.

I guess bruises on a 5 year old’s penis and stories of uncle playing the penis game are normal.
I guess that the signs that the boys show of abuse are imagined.
I guess that the only thing that matters is what?

The attorney’s and the money.
The let’s avoid paperwork, its Thursday, too close to the weekend.

Seriously!

And then, you know what I know is that in 15, 20, 30, 40+ years from now, when these boys are men, that they will have so much inner work to do to heal.
They will have to work through idea’s of suicide,
murder, not knowing their sexual personality.
They will have to learn even more than the rest of us about love and what it is and what it is not. And hopefully will not follow down a path like their uncle.

We wonder where the predators come from.
We wonder why our youth has the hate crimes,
why abuse is climbing and not spoken about until it’s too late. We wonder why mental health states is tipsy, questionable. Suicide rates are high.

This is why people!

We choose to take the easier path on almost everything we do. No matter the harm that it may cause.

We choose to ignore.
We choose to hide.
We choose to NOT SPEAK OUT!
We choose to shut down.
We choose to not stand up for hose who cannot stand up for themselves, because it’s not our problem.
We choose to have misguided loyalty.
We choose to not do the freaking paperwork.
We choose to let lives be destroyed.
Children harmed.

We have created a system that support the expansion of trauma.

And we think it’s great!
Because it’s not our kid.
It’s not our family.
It’s not US.

It’s not YOU.

And sure this topic today is one that is too effing close to my heart and daily life right now.

But I have clients that have lived through this abuse.
I work with men,
with women,
who spend a lifetime trying to overcome the damage that was caused by such events and worse.
The stories that I have heard from adults about their youth,
I cannot tell you how my heart goes out.

The crusade to save our children,
it’s real.

If we ever want a world that is peaceful,
healed to any level.
We need to look at all human rights.
And stop treating children like they have no f-cking rights,
like they are just good story tellers.
Imaginative.

Sexual Abuse for our youth is more real than what any of us want to admit.

And our system is F-cked to a point that it is almost hopeless.

Because it’s not about the children.
It’s not about safety.
It’s not about rights.
It’s about money, bottom lines and keeping it easy on those who don’t care and are not being effected.

I believe that there is HOPE.
I believe that our WORDS matter.
Our VOICES need to be heard.
The children need a voice.

And their voice comes from YOUR awareness.
Hope is awakened by more adults doing the inner work that they need to do to not be fearful of speaking out, speaking up and standing up.

Our children would be safer if the VILLAGE protected them instead of ignored them.

Yes today’s message is one of a CALL to ACTION that if you know of abuse happening to not turn the other cheek, to not ignore. To not hide your f-cking head in the sand and disregard.

Your hiding will never save anyone, including yourself.
But your voice,
your voice could save multiple lives.

Will you STAND, SPEAK UP, SPEAK OUT?
Or will you continue to ignore?

It’s starts with you not ignoring your SOUL.
It starts with you eliminating your own SHAME.
It starts with you communicating your NEEDS.
It starts with you getting COMMITTED to YOU.

So pull that beautiful head out of the sand,
and let your voice be heard.
Your message felt.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living Not IGNORING!

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Imagine letting o of your fear,
letting go of your shame.
What would your life be like if you were working with a mentor that could help you level up your life and let go of all those things that no longer serve you?
What would you like to release? Let go of and create for your EMPOWERED Life?

Let’s talk.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching today.

Let Your Light Shine Mama!!!!

Motherhood.
Woman-hood.
Womb-man-hood.
 
We are creators.
We are lovers.
We are sensual and strong.
Vulnerable and edgy.
Nurturing is at our core.
As divine creators of miracles,
of life itself we tap into the energy of the universe and we become one with God in these moments.
But we can access this power every day of our lives, beautiful!
 
I see so many women in this world, shutting themselves off from the juiciness that is theirs for the enjoyment.
Fearing that if they allow themselves to be seen,
to be heard and experienced as the sensual women that they long to be,
that they will be perceived as something that they have no desire be.
 
The trauma and pain that is held within the female mass ego is something that needs light revealed upon it. It is not just something of this day and age but of the last few thousand years.
 
But beautiful, it is up to you and I and all of our sister’s to heal the mass ego of women.
 
We do this by taking on the mission within ourselves first. We do this with our desire to have a F-ck YES! Life.
To let our purpose shine bright.
To let our divine feminine energy flow in it’s own unique authentic way.
We do this by letting our music, our talents, our voices, our love be seen and felt.
 
When we step into being our AUTHENTIC RADIANT SELVES we shine bright.
 
The world, other women even, may try and cause us to doubt, to hide this beauty but it just the mass ego’s pain and fear protecting itself. In an attempt to protect us, and not realizing that it is hindering and hiding our greatness, our power.
 
We DO NOT GAIN OUR POWER by destroying the masculine.
We do not recover who we are by male bashing.
We do not make what has been wrong right by doing what has been done in return.
 
No.
 
We help our men by raising them in respect.
We help change our world by teaching both our daughters and son’s that we are all humans and deserving of respect and love. We teach our youth to love themselves and to love others. This is spoken of but not lived, therefore not experienced or taught.
 
Remember that words do not teach.
Experience does.
 
To heal our world,
we must heal both feminine and masculine.
We must exhibit self- love and respect.
We must respect our differences.
We learn to speak our truth.
Our needs, our boundaries and honor another’s as well.
This does not mean to give what is not in alignment to self.
It means to simple see another for the beautiful soul that they are,
the path they are on,
the healing that they need.
And support them by being authentically us.
Standing firm in WHO YOU ARE.
 
 
 
Today is mothers day.
Whether you are a mommy or not,
this message goes out to you beautiful.
This message is about YOU.
It is a CALL TO ACTION to step the f-ck up and NEVER DIM YOUR LIGHT!
 
It is a CALL TO YOUR SOUL –
to scream your worth,
to claim who you are,
to never lean away in fear of yourself.
To keep expressing.
To keep being beautiful in all the ways that you are.
Do not hide.
Do not feel shame or guilt.
In who you are.
 
Allow yourself to be soft.
To be powerful.
Allow yourself to receive.
The abundance,
the love,
the blessings.
They are all around you lovely.
Open and receive them.
 
Only your shut down blocks them.
 
It is time for YOU BEAUTIFUL to STEP INTO WHO YOU ARE.
 
Don’t accept the excuses,
the reasons or fears,
turn away from the doubt.
 
You ROCK!
You are WORTHY.
You are BEAUTIFUL.
 
This world NEEDS YOUR POWER and INFLUENCE.
 
Authentically Be You.
 
And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living!
 
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! This morning I woke up with an even BIGGER desire to GIVE.
I want all of you lovely women to be able to do the inner work, the mindset training and abundance training.
You are so deserving of greatness beautiful!
 
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Self-Esteem and Your Sex
Primal Reboot for Men
Not Your Average Joe – Tantric Skills for Men
His, Hers and Ours
It’s Complicated for Couples
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Are You a Momprenuer or an IMPOSTURE?

Hey Momprenuer Are You Being An IMPOSTURE?

It’s time that you decide beautiful.
It’s time that you make up your effing mind,
and choose to just say YES.
Your SOUL is sick and tired of your excuses.
You are brilliant and beautiful,
when you let your light shine.
But you are terrifying and ugly,
when you walk in fear.
So why do you keep torturing yourself?
Why do you keep wishing for what you are not dedicated too?

These words that you toss out at the world,
they are pointless,
they are meaningless and disgusting.
As nice as they may sound,
as smart as you may appear,
these words are not a teacher,
they are not the truth.
And THIS is the issue that you are facing.

YOU are an IMPOSTURE!

You stand there hiding yourself behind your screens,
behind your makeup,
your words and all that you use to cover yourself.
You hide.
And hiding is all you can do,
because you know the TRUTH.
You know the lies.
The lies that you have been telling,
telling all those who listen.
And even though you speak of goodness,
you preach what you know is right,
because you CHOOSE to ignore you speak not the truth.

Your SOUL is begging you beautiful.
To step away from this land of comfort in misery.
And recognize, that you are WORTHY.

But instead,
you keep choosing to get lost in your fears.
To run into the arms of pain and worry.
Instead you desire the opposite of what you speak.
And you settle.

YOU are an IMPOSTURE!

You have a mission.
You have a message.
It is there upon your sweet lips beautiful.
Speak it!
Live it.
Love it.

You MUST BE IT though.
Or you will remain,
remain and be an IMPOSTURE.

Look at the world.
Look at all those that you touch,
that you influence.
They deserve your best,
and YOU deserve your BEST!

You share,
you want to spread light
and love.
Positive messages.
You want to empower humankind.
You want to help all be set free from the bounds that hold them.
And you know the path.
You know the truth.
Yet, you choose to ignore.
To ignore your own lessons.
To ignore the lessons of your mentors, your teachers and those that you look up too.
You hide from your SOUL.

What good will come of this way of living?
This way of being beautiful.
If you KEEP CHOOSING to be an IMPOSTURE.

The funny thing is, that this con artist gig that you have going on….

IT IS NOT YOU.

It is just a negative thought.
A negative thought that has you by your balls,
it is holding you in its terrorizing grip.
It makes you feel as though you cannot breathe.
As if you are safer in the arms of doubt,
then where you know you belong.
And you understand the POWER that you have.
You understand that YOU can change it all.
With one deep breath.
One long minute of focus.
One desire to FEEL GOOD.
YOU can stop this game you are playing.
You can BECOME who you are.

But you have got to BELIEVE in yourself beautiful.
You have got to see that all that you are doing is valuable.
That you really are unique.
You really are powerful.
You are brilliant.
You have a message.
A mission.
And this world needs you!

This message that I share with you today,
its for all those beautiful momprenuers, who doubt and fear. Who hide and mask. But consistently step up everyday.
As you look at all that you do,
and the reasons that you do it.
That sweet child looking at you,
sleeping safety in their bed.
Yes that sweet soul and the KNOWING.
The knowing that YOU are beautiful and have a PURPOSE.

You were born to THRIVE.
This message today from one momprenuer to another,

It is effing time gorgeous that you stop allowing so little from yourself.

It is time that you level up your belief.
It is time that you open up that wounded scared heart.
And START RECEIVING.

You Rock beautiful mama!

So rock out of this hard spot,
and flow into your GROOVE BABY!!!!

As always remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Yes mama! I am mom of 7,
momprenuer for almost 20 years.
I get called Superwoman often as I am sure you do as well.
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Feel like this world just tends to eat you up and no one really gets all that you do?

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Reasons or Results – Which Is Your Life About?

Just this morning I was walking my kindergartner into his school. There I was in yoga pants, a tank top and sweat shirt off one shoulder. My hawaii flip flops on my feet and my hair tossed up in a pony tail. My son and I were goofing around like we do every morning, laughing and hugging, picking on each other as we crossed the parking lot and walked down the entry way of the school.

It was just another morning in truth.
And yet it was not.
Because this morning I was people watching more so than what I normally do for some reason.
And as always with people watching I always feel so separated from those around me.
I feel judgmental.
Almost critical.
And maybe I should be ashamed to admit that here publicly, but living by my true style I am going to stand in my raw truth with you and just speak it.
I mean we are all judgmental and critical.
And anyone who claims to not be is hiding or lying.

What it comes down to in my opinion, is what you choose to do with the judgments and thoughts that come up.
Do you choose to observe them,
do some good inquiry around them,
and discover deeper messages about yourself?
Or do you choose to pick apart others and find fault and reason as to why you are suffering or how you are better than another in order to justify your worth or reasons?

So here I was,
walking in the school with my son like fifty other women,
and what I noticed was the lack of connection between these parents and their children. There was no laughter, only seriousness and rushing.
There were no smiles even, just pissed off turned down expressions.
Most walked quickly and with a hunched over frame, as though they were trying to hide.
And then there were a few who bee-bopped by looking like they had been up for 3 hours already. Very well put together, but walking in haste.
Entering the school,
music playing, teachers singing and welcoming children, I noticed how the kids lit up as they entered the school because the teachers were appearing excited and happy to start the day with them. The upbeat music caught your ear and made you want to sing along, which is what I do every morning.

But I was alone.
and parents looked at me,
casting their own judgement back.
Most likely wondering who this crazy woman is who dares be happy and sing out loud to her child and shake her hips at the front door as she kisses her kid good by and gives a big hug, then turns and chats with a teacher or two?

Yes, so there I was judging and being judged.
And as I turned and walked back to my car, I noticed how so many parents just seemed lifeless.
Now I was feeling pity.
And I don’t do pity very well.
My pity quickly turned to irritation and disgust.
I looked at these people,
and in my belief they each have a purpose.
They each have a talent.
They are each born for greatness.
They are worthy.
But all I see here is a lack of worth.
And the only effing reason for it is that they are allowing it.
And what are they teaching their children by accepting such a life of low vibe, low energy, dullness and disconnect?

They are teaching them to be the same.
Because our children 90 % of the time do not learn from what we tell them to do, but from what we show them we are doing.

You want an honest child.
Be honest with your child and others.

You want a compassionate child.
Be compassionate with your child and others.

You want a child that can stand on their own two feel and is not easily lead astray.
Then be strong in who you are and have good boundaries and speak your truth.

Whatever you are desiring your child to grow up to be,
realize that you are an example to them.

So back to my point.

Here as I walked I saw a bunch of people who had somewhere along the life trail gotten good with just existing.
Gotten good with their reasons,
their excuses and why’s.
They had settled into not having.
Settled into average.

And had forgotten that they could define what their average looked and felt like.

It’s crazy to think how close to all that we want each and everyone of us truly is.
And yet it is so.
It is no further away then what we are willing to accept for ourselves.
Willing to believe for ourselves.
Willing to expect for ourselves.

But WE have to actually want it bad enough to stop calling in all the reasons that we don’t have it or cannot have it.

Our reasons have got to mean less to us then our DESIRE.

So what are you settling for?
What are the core beliefs that you have that are creating things that you don’t want?
And are you conscious to them?

Let’s get real.
Let’s get raw.
Let’s define.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Sick and tired of settling for so much less than what you know you can have?
Accepting less in your success, your finances, your love, your relationships or your health?

Well STOP making excuses and TAKE the CALL TO ACTION TODAY.

Kendal I was bankrupt when I first met you. I had no idea how I was going to pay you. Working a dead end job, going through a nasty divorce and had lost everything. All I knew was that if I did not have faith right now and stand my ground that life was going to run me over. Thank God I chose this! Your coaching did not just help get me through everything, it transformed my existence. Today I am making three times the income I was back then. I am dating a dynamic woman and cannot imagine life much better. It is all because of your guidance and wisdom. I wish more people understood the true power of a mentor. Thank beautiful! – Timothy Gearst, Dallas Texas

Now Accepting Applications fro VIP 1:1 Coaching Clients
Could This Be You?

The Gift of Relationship in Life Success

Relationships break us open.
Relationships unfold us to a life that is deeper than we could ever know possible on our own.
Relationships can be freeing,
Or they can be crippling.

Relationships are our defining energy of how we penetrate our lives.
They define how we surrender to the greatness of our lives.
They define how we allow ourselves to receive and create blessings and/or suffering.

Everything we do in life,
We do through relationship.

This last year I have been in this awakening of just this that I share with you today.
I have been coming into the beautiful realization of my truth and how it has manifested and shown me all the guidance I could ever want for through my relationships with lovers, friends and family.

My realization (and perhaps you may feel some alignment too) is that I have been resisting my truth.
I have been hiding from my own uniqueness and power thus of it.

In January I lost what one might say was the love of a lifetime. My heart died that day and I have been looking for a path of resurrection for it so that I can open again to the blessings that a fierce penetrative love can bless one with.

In May I lost my second primary relationship in a shocking 2 hour event that I am sure I will never understand. This relationship taught me so much about my desires, about emotion and stability. It taught me about detachment and harshness and it showed me my weaknesses in my boundaries and lienliance around many things and I was shown just how blind one can be in a relationship as well as how we NEVER know anyone truly.

These two relationships alone have revealed to me a beauty and a reality of who I am and how I have been choosing to show up in life as well as how I am willing to receive from life or not.

I have come to a realization of my set points.
Of my programs around abundance, value, love, money and joy.
I have come into a point of awareness that each of these relationships were holding me back from my full potential.

The healing must still manifest in its own way.
But the truth is that I have been blessed without measure. I have been provided with the opportunity to create the legacy that I desire for my life.

If I tried to hold tight to the energies (the relationships) that were lower vibe than what I wanted for my life, then I would only set myself on a path of further suffering.

As a former love above says, ” A reason, a season or a lifetime.”

So true is this statement.
As every relationship offers one of these.
And we never know what it is until we reach its end.
And even then,
As past has taught me,
Some relationships serve all of the above.

And everyone of them reveals more of who we are.
Everything is a relationship.

If you are struggling then all I have to say is that there is hope. You can have it all. You really can.

I swear to you,
That if this effed up single mom of of seven from the wrong side of the tracks can find hope,
Can discover her truth,
And can manifest a life that is beyond what I believed.

Then you too can have your dreams manifest into reality.

Look at your relationships,
See their beauty no matter the pain they bestow,
And embrace who you are.
Embrace your truth.
Embrace your desire.
Embrace your power.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living.

Ode to the Mama Bear

Nothing more important to this Mama Bear than her babies.
 
And I know that when I say this that all you Mama Bears out there agree.
 
There is nothing I would not do,
go through,
or try and make happen for my children.
 
My 21 year old daughter calls me the mother of all mothers.
Recently her and I went and got tattoo’s together and she helped me decide what I would get.
 
“To be soft is to be powerful.”
 
This is what is now written on my right shoulder.
The message is one that portrays strength in our vulnerability,
strength in the revealing of our hearts,
strength in our softness and flow.
 
Strength as a mother is much like this.
This tattoo is a reminder to me that no matter what happens in life, my strength comes from within.
 
And it is beautiful and needed.
 
This message today,
I share with all you Mama Bears out there.
I share my courageous heart with you beautiful ladies,
I share my desire to create a better world for our children,
and our grand babies.
I share my passion to create a legacy for my home team.
For the souls that I have birthed into this world and who blessed me with the precious gift of motherhood.
 
The message I wish to share with you Mama Bears is that our babies, both of our womb and those we adopt into our lives are reason enough to become the gorgeous queens that we were meant to be.
 
It is through our divine feminine leadership,
that our daughters will grow into strong and powerful, beautiful women themselves.
Our son’s will grow into strong, powerful and respectful men.
It is up to we women of today,
to create the world of tomorrow.
 
So why do we settle for less than what we deserve in this life?
Why do we take less in our relationships,
in our love and in our sex,
in our reaping of abundance and health?
 
Why do we allow this world to rape us of our joy and our beauty?
 
Why do perceive ourselves as weak when we dance in our beauty, our feminine energy?
But think that strength is revealed only in control, masculine power, through actions of ego and mind instead of heart and soul?
Why do we choose to disregard our intuition?
 
I will tell you why.
 
We have been lied too,
and we believe these lies.
 
We have been scorned into bitterness and fear,
we have been trampled by plagues of fear and trauma.
 
We have been ignored,
underappreciated,
viewed as weak and meek,
as property.
 
This is why we now sit in a time where we women,
are lost within ourselves.
 
Looking for ways to heal.
To birth ourselves into a new reality,
where we feel in love with ourselves again.
Where we feel complete,
loved,
adored,
honored,
and seen.
 
Seen as the powerful yet soft feminine that we feel inside our soul.
 
But ladies,
we cannot demand our empowerment from society,
or take it from the masculine by treating the masculine the same way that we have been treated for centuries.
 
No.
We must do it through leaning further into our feminine.
We must do it by tapping into our orgasm,
our joy and our intuition.
 
We must do it by grabbing hold of the reigns of our soul,
and pull ourselves into the alignment that we crave.
 
This is how we share our legacy as powerful women.
This is how we build a life that we are proud of.
This is how we lead our children.
And bless them with what only we Mama Bear’s know to be true.
 
True Strength Comes from the Courage of Your Soul.
 
The more we lead our babies like this,
the more raw and open we are with our son’s and daughters about life,
the more they see us embracing who we are with joy and fierceness,
the more they witness us healing to our greatest depths,
the more our son’s and daughters will KNOW.
 
They will know themselves by the revealing we do for them of ourselves.
 
They will de-armour themselves of the pain,
the shame and guilt,
the fear that run’s rampant in our world today.
 
Instead they will discover who they are,
because they witness us standing in our light.
 
Revealing who we are.
This is the path that we women lead.
 
It is the path of opening to truth for our children’s sake.
 
You owe it to yourself.
You owe it to your babies.
You owe it to this world.
 
To stand strong and powerful,
in your souls desire,
in your hearts softness.
As the Queen that you are.
 
Mama Bear you are loved.
Embrace this world as though it were your child.
 
Birth yourself into truth today.
And feel your orgasm.
Live your life, fully claimed.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Join me in October for 5 weeks of intensive coaching on Facebook.
Or for my pre launch of F-ck Yes Life Entrepreneur Business.
Message me for details.
Or become a VIP 1+1client now.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/services-request-form/

 

How to Make An A*s Out Of Yourself.

Assumptions.

Have you ever noticed how feakin’ wrong you can be on things?

Have you ever just stopped and questioned why you are so persistent, so dead set on making sure that things go the way you believe they are already even in the face of reality that it is not?

Life is really funny, isn’t it?

We get involved with relationship,

all sorts of relationship and then sh*t happens and we assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling. When in fact we don’t have an effing clue.

What we are listening to, is nothing more than the babble in our heads.

This babble stems from our own insecurities and fears, not from TRUTH.

This babble is our ego’s  ignited and trying to dictate to us all that we really don’t want, but are likely to lean more into because we believe what is false.

I have done my fair share of assuming for sure.

I have been on the receiving end of assumptions as well.

Neither side is good.

Recently I was part of the babbling game of assumptions and it lead me to having to make a post on facebook to “try” and clear some things up.  However the issue with assumptions is that the one’s that are having the assumptions made on them go into the defense ( much like I have had to do) and this in the short run, prevents further clear communication as we are grasping for air to be seen, heard and witnessed in truth, all the while the assumptions are dumping them selves out and messing up the truth.

Making it hard if not impossible on the front side to see anything for what it is UNLESS one REALLY wants the truth and investigates it.

Which often NEVER happens.

Why?

Because we HUMAN.

And we humans love a good drama story.

The truth often is not as dramatic, exciting or full of gossip and luster as the assumptions.

Assumptions are like the telephone game we use to play as children.

You know the one.

I whisper something in your ear, you whisper what you heard in someone else’s and it goes around the circle as such until the last person speaks what they were told and the original person gets to say, “yes that is what I said, or no here is what I actually said.”

This is ASSUMPTIONS.

Assumptions can destroy people if they let them.

Assumptions are the basis of rumors and gossip.

Assumptions alter our thinking and beliefs about situations, people and even ourselves.

When we buy into an assumption, we allow the darkness of an untruth half baked lie to plant it’s seed in us and all our actions, thoughts and feelings moving forward are based ( no matter how hard we try) on the foundation of an assumption.

So let me get REAL with you guys so you can see the potential damage of an assumption.

TRUTH BOMB coming your way.

Here is what I shared on facebook to help clear up the assumptions that have been floating around my world lately.

See if you can guess what the assumptions were that caused my need to share this. Feel free to post your thoughts below. 🙂

———————————————————————————————–

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!! It has come to my attention that there are many misunderstanding floating around in recent and over the last year or so. I am taking this moment to share the truth since these rumors are making it back to me from multiple sources. 
1) I am NOT a prostitute, whore, tantric masseuse or bodyworker.
2) I do NOT sleep with my clients. I do NOT sleep with other women’s men either. 
3) I AM a life coach that focuses in on sexuality issues such as shame, guilt, orgasm issues, and health issues. I primarily focus in on relationship issues and sex is a major component to these.
4) I DO teach sexuality and relationship workshops and classes. They are NOT orgies, they are classes.
5) I DO coaching in the same fashion that other life coaches do (i.e. talk therapy base)
6) Most of my work these days is done through phone coaching and online courses.
7) I have been in an open relationship with my previous partner for almost 7 years. That was my first open relationship ever. We both had other lovers and knew about them. This was public knowledge for anyone close to us. 

8) My focus in life is as follows God, Family, Healing, Work

If anyone reading this would like a more in depth conversation or conformation on these things then please just ask me to share. I am happy to set the record straight about anything you may want to know or have been told.I am extremely disappointed in certain people who claim to not want drama and want to live an authentic life sharing these false truths.Truth ALWAYS comes out.Moving forward. 
Working on forgiveness around MANY things.
This song sums it up well.Blessings to all of you caught in the middle. 
———————————————————————————————-
Assumptions.
Fun stuff.
The way through assumptions is INQUIRY.
If you really want to know something NEVER EVER take the words of someone else, do your homework. Do the investigation and effing inquire with the person that you are questioning.
Often you find where the assumptions that you have been told are coming from, and how much is truth and how much is made up of the babble in someone’s else’s head.
Instead of blowing up relationships and worlds,
try a more peaceful emphatic approach of compassion and inquiry.
Use your words and your feelings to get the bottom of something.
Especially if you care at all about the person or people that you are hearing things about or speaking about.
We humans love our drama circles.
We love creations.
We love talking about things.
But in all of this,
what we accomplish is the creation of an illusion.
We support a potential lie.
When in doubt,
look at the source.
Look at the wounding.
Look at what you have always know of the person you are assuming things about.
And keep in mind Jesus words, ” Let those of you who have no sin cast the first stone.”
The reality is that assumptions are stones of judgment.
And judgement’s against us or others are often highly wrong.
Do unto others what you have done to you.

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

 

 

I am No Effing Babysitter.

My life is full of children.
Literally.
I am the mother of seven babies ranging from 3 years to almost 23 years. I love my children more than anything.
They hold my heart like no other.
Honestly there is nothing that I would not do or give for my babies.
From the first moments of looking into my eldest daughters eye’s I knew I was in love. I had that same feeling with the birth of each of my children. Precious angels that God had gifted me to care for. Watch over and teach wisely.
My children are my pride and my joy.
My heart sores with gratitude as I watch them grow and see the beautiful souls that they are maturing into.
 
I know this is nothing abnormal.
All of us mother’s feel this way about our babies.
The sun rises and sets on these humans that we created.
We are proud goddess bitches who birthed angels.
 
And YES I am one very PROUD Mama!
But I am no effing babysitter.
 
God seem’s to bless my life repeatedly with the task of babysitting other mama’s babies. I suck at babysitting my own. I have never been the helicopter parent. I give my children so much freedom to explore, learn, fail and succeed.
I let them crash and I hold out a hand and ask if they want my help to stand. I smile at their goofiness, their immaturity and illusions of how life works or not.
 
I watch them struggle to learn who they are and what steps are most pleasing for their life.
 
I watch them fear tomorrow but step forward with enthusiasm.
I do not control.
I guide through my actions, through my life expression.
I do not treat my children as though they are smaller than, less than or property.
 
No, I worship the f-cking ground they walk on through gifting them with responsibility and expectation of being authentically them.
 
I worship them through supporting them with unconditional love and sometimes the tough love they need to hear even though tears form and they slam doors and tell me how much they hate me.
 
I am no effing babysitter.
Yet God blesses me with many other mama’s babies.
 
They knock at my motherhood door each year that passes.
These angels that have been cast out from their families in so many ways.
These angels who are of all ages.
They reveal their hearts to me and beg for the love they crave, the unconditional worship of soul, the allowance to just be seen as who they really are.
 
Yet they too slam doors and shed tears,
get horribly mad with my ways,
with my distance and lack of hand holding.
They feel the pain of mama bear not rushing in to save them but just wanting them to stand and walk.
Wanting them to do what they were born for.
To fly.
To be authentically them.
 
I am no effing babysitter but God blesses me daily with other mama’s babies.
They want answers, support and and a shoulder to cry on.
They want guidance and hand holding.
They wonder if I truly care because it often appears that I am distant and unseeing. Callous to their cries and plea’s.
Their souls know, just as my own flesh and blood babies know.
I will always be here.
I am always loving them.
No matter what life may bring or whom they choose to be or not be.
I am unconditional in my love, even when I am gone.
I find no need to explain myself.
I find no need to run to their sides.
I find no need to hide who I am or
bend in ways that I was not built.
I am always GUIDING.
 
I am like the mother willow who protects all, bends in the storms but does not break. I am plentiful in my energy and love but I am no effing babysitter.
 
No I do not babysit.
No matter the baby, I will carry them only so far and then the day always comes that they must stand on their own feet and test the path before them.
 
Here they will shake at the knee’s,
they will quiver with fear,
they will jump with joy,
they will be a full expression of self,
and they will fall.
 
But they will RISE.
On their own.
Stronger than before.
Embraced in unconditional love.
Embraced in Light and Truth of who they are.
A beautiful earth angel from God.
Here with a mission.
And as all angels, they are warriors.
They are warriors of their souls.
Here to make their stand.
 
No I am no effing babysitter.
Babysitters do not raise crusaders.
Proud A*s Angel Mama’s – strong in the armor of God DO!
 
This is written for all you proud as f-ck mama’s out there who raise your own beautiful babies as well as other’s too. Who support your sisters and brother’s, your friends and lover’s, your soul tribe.
 
This is for all you proud as f-ck mama’s who know that God has blessed your life with lot’s of spirit babies in this life and who CHOOSE to stand up to the call and GUIDE in love.
 
We are not effing babyistters.
We are warrior goddesses,
a sister-hood of mother’s with many spirit babies who come to us at their time’s of need.
 
And we GUIDE.
 

As Always,

Remember who you ARE.
And ,

Stop Existing & Start Living

My monkey’s tried to get me laid.

🙊🙉🤭😈 My monkey’s tried to get me laid. 🔥🔥🙊☺️
Only in my world of crazy does this sort of stuff happen.
Only in my world is it allowed,
Embraced and accepted.
 
In truth, It was a day of frustration, what started out to be a productive, good feeling day quickly shifted gears to frustration and overwhelm. Not only was I just in pain physically from pushing my healing body to do more than what it most likely should have, I was also pushing myself emotionally to work through boxes of old energy from my marriage of 20 years and then my next relationship of almost 7 years.
 
Sorting and cleaning a garage full of memories can have its fair share of painful moments.
 
Really dredging up the past and forcing yourself to let go.
See the truth that you once lived,
and embrace your moment now.
 
This was my Monday.
All because the universe proclaimed that my internet wire would get cut from the yard guy and I would be out of online commission until it was repaired. So, I did the next best thing….
 
Was proactive and started sorting, cleaning and putting my house together.
 
After a long and full day of multiple emotions rising to be siphoned through, I was exhausted, smelly 😱 and just wanting to rest, have a glass of wine or maybe something harder, get my munchkins down for bed and yes…
 

Yes,

I wanted a good orgasm.

 
Lucky for me I had this last part already in the works by inviting my lover over for dinner.
 
And planned on having myself and him for desert. 🔥😜🔥🔥
 
Everything was taking longer, except for what I was wanting to take a long time and that was the nakedness in my bed. But no, instead I was blessed with bedtime item’s and simmering down of little one’s taking MUCH longer than wanted, especially since I sat there, needing to pee, needing to shower, and just wanting to relax in my lovers arms.
 
Instead I was blessed with laughter coming from the other room, where my elder children, my friends and my lover enjoyed themselves and joked, connected and made light in the evening hours while I snuggled down my munchkins, smelt my stench and craved to just let go.
 
Breathing in the moment. I felt my ego on the cusp of just screaming.
 
My 21 year old daughter came and offered to help me, I shot her down, and offered her a not very well disguised guilt trip on poor mom’s mood.
 
My friend came and offered to help, I shot her down and offered another ego based comment, sharing that I had it all under control and that it was F-I-N-E.
 
I heard myself saying this bullsh*t,
I wanted the saving,
I wanted the connection,
The help.
I wanted to effing shower!
I wanted to get these babies down so I could laugh,
enjoy my evening some,
get out of my head and into my body,
and get to what I was really craving.
The orgasm between my sheets.
 
But I denied myself the opportunity to have it sooner than I could receive it.
 
I denied my family and friends the opportunity to help me,
to support me.
 
Instead I wanted to sit in my disgust just a little bit longer.
I was punishing myself,
for something I was not even conscious of.
I felt shame.
I felt rage.
I felt depression.

I felt like a total f*ck up to life.

 
I held my son on my lap as he wiggled and fought sleep,
looking at him and wondering how I could have been so stupid to let myself get caught up in yet another bad relationship with a man who claimed all this and that and in a moments notice could shut out everything, everyone and just walk away. In gratitude for the lives of my children, the reasons, the blessings from my relationship, I could smile but in my heart I felt all of this…
 
And I felt shame.
I felt guilt.
I felt lost.
 
So I punished myself in this moment.
I denied support, love, help and orgasm.
I denied God from helping me achieve my goals.
 
My monkey’s on the other hand refused to listen to my ego.
They refused to let me sink to far.
They refused to let mom crash,
my friends were on board with the plan,
my lover was of course on board…lol
 
My monkey’s decided that it was time for me to take care of me and to go after what I not just wanted but NEEDED.
 
So my daughter’s came in and told me to go shower, to get clean, that they had their little brother’s.
A friend got me drink.
My lover provided a smile and sparkling eye’s with a clear intent.
 
I showered.
I shaved. (because that is what girl’s do when they are needing and wanting certain event’s 😈)
 
Clean,
refreshed,
ready,
lighter in spirit,
I emerged.
My little one’s asleep.
Laughter filled my dinning room,
I was now part of it.
I was fully there.
Sharing,
Connecting,
De-Shaming.
 
My monkey’s tried to get me laid.🙊🙊😜😜🙏
They made a plan.
They figured out who was taking over for night time child care,
who would sleep where, so that mom would not have to worry about children. They discussed it, argued about it and laughed.
 
At the end of it,
My monkey’s tried to get me laid,
and were successful.
 
They created the space for mom to go,
Be,
Do,
Have.
 
What I wanted and NEEDED.
With No Shame.
With No Guilt.
In Truth.
In Harmony.
In Love.
 
They knew how badly I needed to just be able to drop down and connect to my lover,
to myself,
to my orgasm.
 
They supported my well being.
 
My monkey’s.
My circus.
My crazy world.
My family tribe.
 
No Shame.
Only Open, Unconditional.
Love.
 
#lovemygrownassbabies
#fuckyeslife
#shamefree
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

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